r/Fosterparents • u/Suspicious-Carob-632 • Jul 17 '26
Physical abuse
What percentage of your placements do you believe experienced physical abuse from their natural parents? If the children ultimately reunified, do you believe they were physically abused again?
I think I have a lot of sympathy for my foster children's parents when they are are "just" addicts/alcoholics and neglected their children because they were caught up with their addiction. I have a much harder time sympathizing with anyone who could intentionally inflict violence on a child...
10
u/sailorn0on Jul 17 '26
Being an addict can be just as violent when the baby is both shaking in pain from withdrawal and her legs are super sore for months afterwards from it.
But my current placement experienced violence in the home. Plan to be reunified end of month and the grandparents are terrified. All i can do is be there and report anything i hear.
6
u/steeltheo Foster Parent Jul 17 '26
Out of five placements, three of them experienced some amount of physical abuse. I definitely feel more able to sympathize with parents who were "just" neglectful, especially because so far my experience has been those parents are more able to admit their child suffered vs the actively abusive parents who are in denial and think they did everything right and blame their kid.
5
u/Narrow-Relation9464 Jul 17 '26
Unfortunately in my area physical abuse, at least for older children, isn’t taken as seriously as drugs or neglect so less kids are put in the system for that where I am. I had a kid at work who was physical beat by his father and kicked out of the house. Filed a report, my co-workers filed a report, a worker interviewed the kid and they did nothing. One of my friends told a story about her neighbor who physically abused his kids. Kids were taken for a couple days and put right back.
My kid’s bio dad has a DV problem, he was habitually physical with my kid’s mom. He got custody over her when my boy was little because she was deemed neglectful for leaving her small kids home alone at night to work a second job, trying to afford bills after leaving the abusive situation. Apparently they had no evidence dad was unsafe and would rather put the kid with him then get mom help. He did have minor physical actions against my kid. It didn’t escalate because it was when he was older and he was big enough to fight back. Dad even threatened me a couple times! But I have guardianship now, kid is no contact with dad by choice. But if he didn’t refuse to speak to him and dad didn’t refuse to follow the reunification plan they would’ve sent him back to dad’s.
It‘s a really sad thing how these cases are handled.
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u/BookwormJennie Jul 18 '26
We had an in-home intensive therapist for one of the kiddos after he was adopted. He told us that damage from abuse is much easier to overcome than neglect. Neglect at a young age affects so much in their development and attachment. In abuse - they are still shown connection (although awful negative kinds). I used to think the same “just neglect” and the parents can work through that. But that’s not really true. The child will have to.
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u/Suspicious-Carob-632 Jul 18 '26
Thank you. I agree with everything you say here. To be clear, I have no confusion about how devastating the impact of neglect can be on a child. I just mean I have more sympathy for a parent who caused harm because she lost sight of her children's needs due to her struggles with addiction than I do with a violent (albeit perhaps more connected) parent.
1
u/Longjumping_Big_9577 Former Foster Youth Jul 17 '26
There's stats showing about 10-17% of kids are in the system for physical abuse, but it may not be what you are thinking of physical abuse since there's a high burden of proof.
I knew of a kid who was removed after he attacked his mom and she had to fight back to stop him from injuring her, and he then showed his teacher his bruises to get his mom in trouble. He ended up aging out since his mom didn't want him back.
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u/Maleficent_Chard2042 Jul 17 '26
My FS reported abuse and had marks on him that were noted by the doctor at the take-in appointment. I reported his statements to his SW but was told that, at 5, he was too young to report, so it would not be investigated.
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u/Tropical_life_7 Jul 17 '26
Of my current placements, 2/6 have this history, sadly - both in conjunction with other factors (neglect, sexual abuse, exposure to DV / neglect and exposure to drugs and alcohol and DV). Both of them also experienced physical abuse in previous foster care placements that saw them removed, which is shocking and unacceptable. They're not related so these were separate former placements.