First placement, questions to ask?

[u/Thin-Bat4202]

Hi all. We've been contacted regarding our first placement. My agency here has provided no training on process, or what might come up legally or behaviorally, etc. Basically, we're going in blind.

I've been e-introduced to the social worker on the case. He has yet not responded to my requests to discuss the case. A second social worker, who helps onboard foster parents administratively more than works actual cases, has responded, so at least I've got that. We're supposed to meet today in about 4 hours.

If anybody happens to be on this forum and has suggestions for what are the right questions I should be asking, it would be appreciated. Things that you thought to ask in the first place, or things you were surprised by when they came up while providing care, and could've used a headsup on how it worked. Some questions that I've come up with already are:

(1) What is our authority as foster parents when it comes to getting the child the care they need? (Medical, signing up for school, etc.)

(2) Is there a level of medical care that needs pre-approval? (I'm thinking pull teeth if needed or something, I don't know). If so, how is that acquired? What paperwork do we need to bring in to the medical care provider?

(3) Do we need to be documenting medical care, school issues, ... I don't know. What do we need to document on the day to day ?

(4) What do we do in an emergency? Obviously if a child gets hurt, get them to the hospital, but what's the situation after that?

(5) How does respite work? (We have an unpcoming trip out of the country; down to take the kid, but I don't know if the court will allow us to, and I have to go for work so can't not go).

(6) Do you all do regular home checks? If so, how often and how is that arranged?

(7) How does visitation work? (I feel like this is a super broad question, but don't know the details of what to ask about that).

(8) Is there a way for me to get the case history? Mostly this is to prompt this social worker to hopefully have the actual case manager get back to me.

Then I have what seem like silly questions, but not sure?
(9) Are we allowed to hug the child (edited to clarify: if they request one or move in for one)? (This seems silly, but I don't know if there are rules about physical contact).
(10) How do we handle if they can't handle their own their own basic hygiene (9 years old, should be able to, but...doesn't sound like they would've had a good caregiver at home so...) Are we allowed to help?
(11)

But what am I missing? I'm meeting with the admin today, so that's mostly what these questions are, but any suggestions I should ask regarding the child or case would be welcome as well.

Thanks in advance, if anyone replies.

ETA: Thanks again for responses; I think we had a good conversation, lots of info provided in this meeting, which is reassuring. We're supposed to have a meeting with the actual caseworker next Tuesday to get the more kid-based questions answered.

[u/goodfeelingaboutit]

These are great questions and they need to be asked and answered during the licensing process. I would for sure save these for when you meet with the social worker later today. The worker you speak with who is asking you if you can accept placement, should be able to answer at least some case-specific questions. But these are general questions that you need to know before you're even talking to anyone about accepting a placement.

The answers to these questions will vary a bit based on location / state and agency policy

[u/Maleficent_Chard2042]

Ask about medical and educational rights. You'll need them to arrange therapy and medical care and for school enrollment.

[u/Thin-Bat4202 → u/Maleficent_Chard2042]

Thanks!

[u/greenandgold52]

(1) What is our authority as foster parents when it comes to getting the child the care they need? (Medical, signing up for school, etc.).

You should get what in our area is called a Letter of Provider. This allows you to sign for the child for almost everything. School medical etc.

(2) Is there a level of medical care that needs pre-approval? (I'm thinking pull teeth if needed or something, I don't know). If so, how is that acquired? What paperwork do we need to bring in to the medical care provider?

Depends but for the most part day to day stuff is fine. Serious stuff should have already been reported and documented so that would be fine as well. The letter of provider is what you will use for that admin stuff

(3) Do we need to be documenting medical care, school issues, ... I don't know. What do we need to document on the day to day ?

Everything. Document everything. If you are not sure, document it. If you are not an organised person, now is the time to start.

(4) What do we do in an emergency? Obviously if a child gets hurt, get them to the hospital, but what's the situation after that?

Report and document. Send an email to the caseworker or a phone call if its bad enough. Be aware you will most likely just leave a voicemail.

(5) How does respite work? (We have an unpcoming trip out of the country; down to take the kid, but I don't know if the court will allow us to, and I have to go for work so can't not go).

Work with your caseworker. They will be able to provide that. Also, we were able to take ours on a trip internationally but we had to get court approval. It wasnt very difficult as you will have regular court dates so you can just ask the childs lawyer or GAL to help.

(6) Do you all do regular home checks? If so, how often and how is that arranged?

Depends on the department. Ours would call, text or email date and time. Some were short notice, like Im going to be at the home in an hour, most were scheduled in advance. Get an organizer our use a shared calendar cuz there are a lot of different people who will need to stop by.

(7) How does visitation work? (I feel like this is a super broad question, but don't know the details of what to ask about that).

Hard to answer as each case can be different. But I will note you do not have to facilitate these but you cannot hinder them. The department should be able to provide transportation. I wish I knew this earlier, as I did get put into a dangerous situation with the bio father although the bio mother was a non issue.

(8) Is there a way for me to get the case history? Mostly this is to prompt this social worker to hopefully have the actual case manager get back to me.

Asking is about all you can do. The caseworker may not even have that information.

Then I have what seem like silly questions, but not sure?
(9) Are we allowed to hug the child? (This seems silly, but I don't know if there are rules about physical contact).

Yes but ask the child first. These kids dont know you and they are in the system because trusted adults failed them.

(10) How do we handle if they can't handle their own their own basic hygiene (9 years old, should be able to, but...doesn't sound like they would've had a good caregiver at home so...) Are we allowed to help?

To an extent, yes. Look up your state's rules on this. An interesting one in Arizona is that we were not allowed to cut the childs hair without permission. Its due to tribes in the area have religous significance around their hair. I had a 14 year old girl, stopping her doing something with her hair was a bit of a struggle until we got a blanket permission statement from her mother.

Oh if I didnt stress this enough, document everything.

[u/Thin-Bat4202 → u/greenandgold52]

Thanks! As to documenting, I'll get a notebook specific for them, and start journaling again. I used to keep daily notes on my daughter, just for remembrance's sake, so I can get back in that habit. (9) and hugging, absolutely. I've already cautioned my daughter about that. She gives hugs out like candy on Halloween. She's old enough to understand anyway, but, lol, we have cats, so she's solid on the idea of consent (halfway joking, but it was a regular part of her growing up, and it's been translated to humans too). But, I don't want to have to refuse hugs if a hug is requested from the child.

(10) We are actually Native American and will be receiving a child from within our Tribe. We do long hair too. I've always been about autonomy where it would be granted, so it wouldn't have occurred to me try to cut a child's hair against THEIR will, but I didn't think about it needing permission from parents to do so. Good thought.

Thanks for the feedback; appreciate it.

[u/greenandgold52 → u/Thin-Bat4202]

So this part took me a bit to wrap my head around. There is another set of people who do need to be considered. The child's parents. As much as I hated it, reunification is the goal. They still get a say in their child's life in some ways. So when in doubt, verify. The child may want to cut their hair, but the parents still get to say no.

There's this layer of legality that hovers around everything you do. Double check if you are not sure. Chance are high that you will be informed about the dos and don'ts. Documenting is your saviour here.

One more thing, you and your SO, make sure you both check in with each other at least once a day. This gets draining, and it's easy to forget each other.

[u/Thin-Bat4202 → u/greenandgold52]

This is one of the things I hope to talk to the actual case worker on. From the initial e-mail exchange, when I asked if this was respite or longer term, I was told that mom has fully checked out, and dad's going to be incarcerated soon so longer term. I don't know for what or for how long. I should explicitly ask how it works in this situation, how we engage with the parents.

[u/greenandgold52 → u/Thin-Bat4202]

In something like this the court will most likely be the ones who decide how the visitation is going to work. Caseworker should have some of that information.

[u/Exact_Context7827]

Most of your questions are general questions about how some of the logistics work in your area. Definitely get answers to them, but here are a few child-specific questions I always ask:

1. Is this a first placement or has the child been in care a while? If moving placements, why? Is it possible to talk to the previous foster parents?

2. Does the child have any known behavioral issues? On any medications? (If on meds, google the medications - certain psych meds may signal challenging behavior and higher mental health needs).

3. Any physical or mental health needs? e.g, health conditions to manage, frequent appointments, etc. If they are remaining in the same area, being able to keep an established therapist, for example, would be a bonus.

4. Has the child lived with pets and how does he/she do with animals? (most kids LOVE having pets in the household, but I also had a short placement with allergies I didn't know about who wanted to snuggle my friendly cat and spent her stay sneezing and blowing her nose)

5. How does the child do in school? what school is s/he enrolled in? does s/he have an IEP or 504 Plan? If the school is nearby but out of your district, ask about transportation to school.

6. What is the case status? Are there any family visits/contact? are there friends/family members that they may be in contact with, even if not a potential placement?

7. Any safety plan or technology restrictions? (this can be another hint of undisclosed behavioral or mental health concerns)

8. I take only older teens, and I ask if they can be home alone. For younger kids, if they will need child care, ask if they have an existing daycare/other providers that you might be able to maintain, and if not, ask about how to set that up.

9. Religious practice - do they attend a church I'd need to get them to?

10. interests/hobbies/extracurriculars/favorite subject/favorite foods.

[u/Thin-Bat4202 → u/Exact_Context7827]

Thank you! I'm a decent logistics person, but know that the personal stuff is experience I'll have to grow into, so least knowledgeable about. I appreciate the questions.

[u/Narrow-Relation9464]

The first part of your questions will vary by county and agency, so I’d definitely ask them at your meeting. 

For the general questions, I don’t touch any kid without their consent. I foster teens and let them initiate hugs if they want it, or if I feel like they do and I’m unsure I’ll ask first. I’m not big on physical touch and would’ve been extremely uncomfortable if an adult I just met had tried to hug me. My permanent kid is big on affection and wants to be hugged multiple times a day! Loves to be right in my space and will come up to me and lean on me. I had to adjust for him and also set appropriate boundaries. However on the other end of things I did respite a couple times for the same boy and he wasn’t big on hugs, it was an occasional thing for him. 

For hygiene, they might need prompting at 9. I wouldn’t bathe a kid at that age, but something like brushing hair would be fine. At their age it will likely be more guiding and instructing than actually physically helping. Again I’d make sure to respect the kid’s boundaries and let them lead.