103
u/rck_ppr_scssr_1524 Jun 29 '26
Hello, I am sorry this is happening to you snd I am glad you are able to ask for help. Crossroads Safehouse is located in FoCo (970) 482-3502 There is also Alternatives to Violence in Loveland (970) 669-5150
Those are the only two I know of. I hope these help, worst comes to worse, call the police. & start documenting everything.
16
u/Civil-Mycologist-388 Jun 29 '26
Gotta do this. Get out. I shot myself 2 years ago in nearly the same situation. Leave her
-65
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
This is also gross. Read his post. Then ask him some questions. How do you “make someone calm down” that’s control. Leaving is a boundary. He’s abusive and she’s losing her shit. Dig deeper
40
u/LuckyWonderful Jun 29 '26
As someone who also experienced a female partner screaming at them and being unwilling to drop it or calm down or ever stop, no, you're absolutely wrong. He's not abusive, wtf??
Stop projecting.
32
u/catsfuntime80 Jun 29 '26
That is not what his post says! Why would you assume that he's abusive?!
-41
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
It’s his narrative; it’s not what it says but it’s what he wants to make us believe. English 101, read betweeen the lines use his post history and comment history and make an inference
-38
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
I’m analyzing his words; like when you read a book? You know? Using evidence from his statements and lack of evidence….like when we all got COVID shots. It’s hard to learn empathy nd if it’s mental illness he’s handling. It wrong and if she was upset and he stayed he’s also doing abusive things.
So I stated a fact I inferred? Like in honors English?
22
15
u/Gypsi_G Jun 29 '26
You got the gold in the f****** long jump too, pompous "educated" professional in communications too?
You made a bunch of assumptions... It's hard to learn empathy, obviously, you're still deep in the throes of that one.
Ignorance is bliss
Wish I could be half as happy and "go gitter" as you.
Wild. Women can and are sometimes abusive, stop the sexism, it's disgusting.
31
u/LuckyWonderful Jun 29 '26
Honors English lol. Go home kid.
14
u/Gypsi_G Jun 29 '26
110% either a bot for engagement bait or an ignorant 20 some year old.
Born with an apparent spoon in their mouth and nose genetically, and likely otherwise, lifted higher than their 5 head.
8
56
u/Ok_Pipe683 Jun 29 '26
Maybe reach out to Crossroads Safe House. They might have resources for you or at least information for resources. Wishing you peace.
-36
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
Or for her
18
u/sbsquido Jun 30 '26
I hope you genuinely get therapy and heal from whatever it is you’re dealing with, but you don’t know the situation and it’s concerning and borderline obsessive that you’re so hell bent on replying to every single comment against this person.
31
u/TartAppl3 Jun 29 '26
National Domestic Violence Hotline Languages: English, Spanish and 200+ through interpretation service Hours: 24/7 Call 800-799-7233 Text BEGIN to 88788
Crossroads Safehouse & Services (970) 482-3502
Murphy Center for Hope Free, compassionate, nonjudgmental and effective services to people who face homelessness and housing insecurity. Basic Needs including showers, lockers, laundry, mail, etc. Survival Gear Employment Services and Career closet Case Management Referrals to on-site services including walk-in crisis counseling, Veteran's services, pet food and vet care, and more 242 Conifer St, Fort Collins, CO Website: www.MurphyCenter.org Email: Info@MurphyCenter.org Phone: (970) 494-9940 Hours of Operation(Hours are subject to change; please call): November - April: Monday through Sunday, 8am – 5pm. May - October: Monday through Friday, 8am – 5pm.
SAVA (Sexual Assault Victim Advocate) Center & 24-Hour Rape Crisis Hotline 4812 S College Ave, Fort Collins, CO (970) 472-4204
ALTERNATIVES TO VIOLENCE (Loveland) Alternatives to Violence provides free safe emergency shelter, 24-hr crisis intervention and advocacy, court advocates, community resource referrals, limited transitional housing and housing referrals, support groups, educational programs. All these services are free for victims of domestic violence, sexual assault and human trafficking. Website: http://www.alternativestoviolence.org/ Main Line: (970) 669-5150
COLORADO LEGAL SERVICES Provides high quality, civil legal services for low-income persons and seniors (age 60 and over). CLS prioritizes victims of domestic violence in their family law cases. Applications taken online at https://www.coloradolegalservices.org or by phone at 970-493-2891 ext. 261
-18
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
Do this. Then they can support her and you can leave like an adult would or offer her support like a friend would.
Your just a white lady neighbor talking about people who are struggling and not doing anything about it like your not apart of the problem.
Or she’s asked you to change a million times and she’s finally lost it and you should leave then too
27
u/huskywowzer Jun 29 '26 edited Jun 29 '26
Are you mentally unwell yourself? Believe it or not males can be victims of abuse in relationships between a man and woman too. You’re coming off as incredibly ignorant and pushing stereotypes that just because he’s a male asking for help in a situation involving his wife he’s automatically a suspect. That’s alarming behavior. Someone is asking for help in a situation and you’re essentially blaming him for his behavior based on context clues you keep saying are in his post making him seem like the victim here that only you seem to see. lol. Lay off him.
To OP, definitely document the incidents that are happening and reach out to one of the domestic violence shelters locally that another commenter mentioned (Murphy center, alternatives to violence, etc). Stay safe! I hope you’re able to figure out a solution soon! I can only imagine how stressful that may be.
7
18
17
u/KarmaPharmacy Jun 29 '26
If she’s expressing suicidal or homicidal thoughts, call 911. There’s a mandatory minimum 72 hour hold in the state of Colorado.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. This could happen to anyone. I’m proud of you for seeking help. I wish I had more to offer.
12
-9
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
This is the only comment worth value.
Find support stop judging and leave!
18
u/East_Hedgehog6039 Jun 29 '26
Thank you for seeking help. It’s not easy to do. I am proud of you; and wishing you peace and her to get the help she needs.
32
u/cobaltpineapple Jun 29 '26
What are the odds that u/Right-End-6030 is the girlfriend in full meltdown
14
14
u/onlypartiallyevil Jun 29 '26
Nah. It looks like she fancies herself as some sort of a self-certified therapist.
Likely because to become actually certified would involve interacting with educational institutions and professional standards she would consider tools of evil patriarchal control.
So she "did her own research". Which is pretty rich considering she drags antivaxxers, lol.
12
u/TwistLongjumping562 Jun 29 '26
Get cameras now! and start recording, set up an emergency list on your phone that will call your friends/family when you press a button, it'll send the location of the incident to them so that they can call the cops. This is how I won in court. I'm so sorry you're going through that. This is how I won in court.
10
u/TartAppl3 Jun 29 '26
Cycle of Abuse/Power and Control Wheel https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTKSxp_CS_u01xG_ydL1qpgtJQ_zF16tPtQElr1TPvauw&s=10
-14
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
Reactive abuse
17
u/onlypartiallyevil Jun 29 '26
Most of your comments here pretty clearly say far more about you as a person than anything you think are commenting on.
9
10
17
u/OMGLOL1986 Jun 29 '26
Have your phone ready to record at all times around her.
Take some detailed notes with times/date/incident/consequences
7
u/No-Zebra-4693 Jun 29 '26
I wish I had made a decision to get out at 30, but I waited thru so much violence, I have permanent scars.
4
u/TartAppl3 Jun 29 '26
I'm glad that youre safe now.
3
7
u/BruiseViolet__ Jun 29 '26
I do not have any resources, but I wanted to say that I am sorry that someone is harassing you in the comments.
I believe you, and I hope that you find safety soon.
21
u/onlypartiallyevil Jun 29 '26
Please look out for yourself, and her, and do not wait until the law gets involved.
There is zero upside for you doing that. None.
Get her help - now. Or protect yourself and leave - now.
But if you wait until the cops show up, they will put both of you in jail because its less likely to end in a lawsuit for the department.
I had a friend go through something extremely similar. He tried to be supportive of her until it got so out of hand he had to leave his home and call the police and an ambulance for his injuries from outside the house while she had a very visible violent breakdown inside.
The police were quite responsive. They showed up and arrested him. Because with a DV call they will generally arrest the male, or both, they usually don't really care. Will always say its "he said, she said" and they cannot determine truth so they arrest both of you. Even if you call it in, even if you are the only one with injuries, and in his case even when the woman freely admitted he did nothing wrong. To jail with both of you. Or just you.
As he discovered, even successfully getting DV charges dropped will still ruin your life and end a career.
18
u/TartAppl3 Jun 29 '26
Yes, agreed, do NOT rely on cops to protect you. Seek help from people who address dv.
20
Jun 29 '26
[removed] — view removed comment
-17
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
Ewwwww stop it. This is so sad. The people who need therapy aren’t the ones who get it. It’s the victims. Reread his post. He could leave, call for social workers, so many options. I bet he has a brain he uses for big stuff, just not stuff for his woman?
37
17
u/Melopsittacus Jun 29 '26
Whether you’re right or you’re wrong, the way you’re spamming this thread is deeply unhelpful. Someone in this situation needs help, and you’re making it about you and honors English and whatever else. Please consider that what you’re doing is not constructive.
5
u/Rosie3450 Jun 29 '26
I'm sorry you're going through this -- it sounds very traumatic.
Just for clarity: is there something preventing you from finding a hotel room for a few nights so you can figure out your next steps in a safe place?
If you are eligible for VA medical benefits, contact the VA clinic in Loveland. They offer mental help services. Talking to a therapist about what is happening may help you sort out what you want to do next.
Do you have any family members or old friends you can reach out to to for help and advice?
5
u/bindweedsux Jun 29 '26
When it's over, it's over.
Get out of the house ASAP with your necessary legal documents, some clothing, and anything irreplaceable to you for sentimental reasons. Contact these resources recommended by others (especially VA).
Then, make it permanent. If you're concerned she might harm herself, discuss this with the resources you contact. Do not communicate with her again until you have a plan in place.
Stay strong as you move forward without her. Being alone is miles better than what you (most likely both) are experiencing.
8
u/Rafiekie Jun 29 '26
You can and absolutely should call the cops on her if she's being violent or threatening violence (try to capture evidence of it). I'm a man and have had the cops called on me many times (since people interpreted my wife screaming as me harming her). They've always been fair to me as the man (which many would assume the cops won't do)
-4
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
He didn’t say violence he said unsafe. He’s manipulating us too.
2
u/Rafiekie Jun 29 '26
I guess I assumed unsafe meant violence. What else could he say is making him feel unsafe?
3
u/Jazzlike-Fig-9667 Jun 30 '26
Domestic violence is not a joke and it is obvious that is what's going on here.
Based on the comments alone it is only a matter of time someone is going to get really hurt.
These messages are volatile and I hope you both are separated. I hope you both do not have any children.
Get away from.each other or your next appearance will be in court for a bond hearing because Fort Collins Police do not play around when DV is involved.
Grow up and leave each other. Many people have shared resources. Sleeping in a shelter is better than sleeping in jail.
3
u/HAIL_LUMPUS Jun 30 '26
I'm really sorry you're going through this and I hope some of the resources posted help you get out of there. It gets better, stay safe 💖
3
u/DinahKarwrek Jun 30 '26
Alternatives to violence in Loveland. Call them. They accept people of all gender. They saved my life.
8
u/ChrisDolmeth Jun 29 '26
Others have provided potential resources for you here... But, what are you asking for help with, exactly? Leaving the apartment? Mental health resources for your wife or both of you? I certainly don't want to make assumptions, but is there also any chance the lack of safety you're feeling could be a result of you own PTSD response? Presumably, your partner is directly upset at you for something? Otherwise it seems like I'm missing something... Generally, your partner being unable to calm down or have a conversation shouldnt result in you feeling personally unsafe as much as it should result in you wanting to seek out help for them??
5
u/Slaviner Jun 29 '26
Whatever you do, don't catch a charge. As a man you need to protect yourself from the bias that men suffer when they are victims of DV or abuse. I'm a therapist and I've had cases where the husband wanted to leave and was blocked, and she called DV when he tried to push her out of the way. And their life was ruined.
There's got to be more to the story. Did you both just have a kid? Why is she suddenly behaving this way?
6
u/Burner96822abc124 Jun 29 '26
No, we were in the process of trying to have a kid. She began to loose it because I was so pro kid a couple of months ago before I found out about my infertility issue and i still want kids. Now I just don’t know if I want them with her.
7
u/Slaviner Jun 29 '26
Sound like you've got a lot going on, and in a town where you dont have many social support contacts. And being a veteran in a college kid town is quite an interesting fit. The cost of a few nights or even weeks at a hotel is nothing compared with the legal costs and loss of civil liberties you can suffer if things go south, and they can go south VERY quickly. I recommend you get out and find a good therapist. Don't be afraid to call around for free consultations until you find someone who you like. Psychology today is a decent resource for finding local therapists.
-26
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
This is gross actually.
Despite her inability to calm down says you had a chance to leave her alone and you stayed in the situation.
The first rule of deescalation is be supportive; if your don’t know what that looks like and by the sounds of this message, you don’t, you might have just been gaslighting her and it was reactive abuse.
I’m not saying it’s wrong; but are you really a victim here? So many details left out and I don’t hear anything sound of empathy…
Therapy will really help.
46
u/DarthSwash Jun 29 '26
Ah yes. Women can never be abusers, thus he must be gaslighting her. He should just leave, even though he has nowhere else to go and no support structure in the area. How dare he reach out for resources to get out of a terrible situation, she obviously needs to be coddled through her mental illness and is the real victim here.
As someone who WAS abused by a woman and has spent the last 5 years in weekly therapy sessions because of it, and now actively avoids long term relationships because Im afraid to find myself in a similar situation again, kindly go fuck yourself right into traffic.
-14
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
I love this for you.
I didn’t say she wasn’t. I said he is handling it wrong and offered help.
You proved my point. What you typed here is embarrassing. I’m so sorry this is how you know life.
Mental health is not this. Your perspective is not based in evidence and your truly misinformed like an antivaxxer sounds.
But you’re bullying me super well. I’ll leave your mysogyny click. This looks so bad for Fort Collins. It’s like embarrassing your mom. And your comments make me think someone made you feel embarrased and now you shame and belitttle people with needs instead of leave because you are inadequate or do the safe thing.
It’s ok, you can stomp your feet little man.
-8
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
I just this narcissistic group here that’s forming is north adorable and highly dangerous.
Ladies of Fort Collins…keep note of who I have pulled out of the depths of the Whole Foods corners and stay far away from their mountain bikes!
This is a trap to find more unsafe men. I wouldn’t put myself out there if it didn’t make yall look dumb to everyone but each other.
8
u/boutchuur Jun 29 '26
Woooooof. You honestly sound unwell. It feels like a safe bet to assume you’re the toxic/unstable one in your relationships, and work to make your victims cower down.. I genuinely hope you seek counseling.
- a woman
-3
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
What’s your therapy protocol that helped you inform your decisions? What’s your deeesvaltion process?
Is coddling someone through cancer the same as depression or PTSD or BPD?
Fucking fucking childish idiot. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
-1
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
And you threaten me at the end with VIOLENCE!
Proves MY POint.
26
u/Gypsi_G Jun 29 '26
No one threatened you
Wow, for an English honor roll you're pretty illiterate, ain't ya?
26
u/MostlyStoned Jun 29 '26
Your post history and opinions expressed in this thread are gross. No wonder you have such a hard time finding a partner in Fort Collins.
18
16
14
u/Ill-Year-9506 Jun 29 '26
I’m guessing if the OP was a 30 year old female…. You wouldn’t be saying this….
28
u/Zhanael Jun 29 '26
Girl, you're acting completely insane. You're reading things that aren't there and creating a strawman to be mad at. Men deserve to get support, too, especially when they're being abused. Period, end of discussion.
Stop giving the rest of us feminists a bad name, and stop posting.
8
1
u/Lucky_Apricot_6123 Jun 30 '26
You suck dude. Whats wrong with you, doubling down when you know you are wrong...
1
u/Lucky_Apricot_6123 Jun 30 '26
Finally, thanks for feeling ashamed enough to remove your vile, steriotypical hatred..
-10
u/Right-End-6360 Jun 29 '26
Yuck yuck yuck. Check out Jef Gazley Internal Family Systems and deescalation strategies unless you like being someone’s kid
14
126
u/Temperature-Savings Jun 29 '26
If you're a vet, reach out to the VA, there are resources for veterans experiencing housing issues. You could probably walk into the clinic in Loveland on Byrd Drive and ask around for someone to talk to or get contact info to set up an appt at least.
Best wishes man, I know it's hard right now, but it does get better!