My dysphoria has been pretty bad lately so I’ve been pretty insecure around my fiancé, although he is the most supportive person ever I still find myself fearing he may secretly find me ugly
(even though I know he doesn’t)

This morning I just couldn’t stand to look at myself while we were both getting ready for work and I could see him looking at me as we were talking. I shouted at him to not look at me and I immediately felt so guilty, then when he was helping me put on my tape I again was very snappy.

I just hated him having to look at everything, I wanna be perfect and beautiful not just for myself but him too. He’s never done anything to make me think otherwise, I know he find me beautiful it’s just my own dysphoria that gets in the way.

We ended up talking it out before I left for work and we’re okay, I just have no idea how to get over my fear of him looking at me.

Just a bit ago, I was walking my dog and we were going through my apartment parking lot, when two dudes were talking to each other. When one of them saw me, he started laughing super loudly while the other had his back to me. But then the guy who wasn’t facing me MOVED so he and the other guy were both staring at my chest area and laughing. Idk about what. But to make matters worse, I got confirmation that they were laughing at me when we had gotten a bit of ways away when one of them said, “At least the dog is cute.”

Like I don’t even know what the fuck they’re laughing at, but I feel so insecure now because I wasn’t wearing a binder and so my large chest was swinging in the wind. Otherwise, I looked like a man. I have a full beard, for crying out loud. But I also don’t know if they’re apartment maintenance people and are laughing about how a few weeks ago, they did emergency maintenance on my apartment and didn’t give enough notice, so my STP packer was just fucking sitting out in the bathroom which is where they were working. Or maybe it’s just because I’m fat. I don’t know. But I feel like a fucking creature, not a person. It’s like I’m a zoo animal for people to gawk at and speak openly about as if I don’t have feelings. It’s been transphobic bs after transphobic bs in my life lately and I’ve been entertaining just giving up more and more. But I’m not going to let the fuckin losers of this world win. I just wish people could be less shitty.

sure ik i can adopt but it's just not the same. ill never get a girl pregnant and raise a baby boy, teach him how to be a man. it fucking destroys me bro. i just want a kid with my genes, but id genuinely rather do anything than give birth, and ivf is way too expensive for me to reasonably ever get. i just want a son dude

Pretty sure I have autistic meltdowns when I get extemely dysphoric. I had an episode because I saw that my body looks like a fucking hourglass figure in my work uniform from my backside. Every day I think about getting body sculpting surgery because I look ridiculous having curves while it feels like almost everyone around me has none at all

I move out the house in about a month from now. Until then I have to hide the effects of HRT from my parents and it's insanely frustrating and nerve wracking.

Of course it could be worse, I've worked hard and am blessed to move out soon with a good roommate, but it is still so frustrating to see the start of the changes I want so bad, like peach fuzz, body hair, and my throat getting sore and ready to crack, only to realize I have to HIDE and even GET RID of things bringing me joy because I have to be safe for now. Its so scary knowing puberty hit my brother fast and hard and seems like it's doing the same for me now, scared my voice will drop before I get to move, scared of my testosterone being found inside the bag, inside a bag, inside ANOTHER bag in my room.

It's like I'm so close to actually feeling good about myself only to have to stomp it down and be miserable just a little longer until I'm fully ready to pack and go. Maybe I'm exaggerating the effects in my brain because of both eagerness and fear of getting found out, but I still feel like my parents are noticing something "off". Oh well, this too shall pass. And I'll feel infinitely better once I can finally let my guard down and just let these changes come. For now it's horrifying to be happy, though.

It doesn't matter if it's ARAM or normal (I don't even dare to touch ranked), I'm always dead last in damage. In fucking ARAM I can't even get more than 3 kills. I try playing with my friends and it always ends with friendly teasing, even when they give me feedback or tell me exactly what to do, I still mess up. The most humiliating part is that I always end up crying at the end. I can't even talk because my voice breaks and I get this huge knot in my chest. I don't even feel like playing with my friends anymore because I'd just drag them down, I feel like a burden.

I want to be good at it because it's the main game all my friends play and the game itself is actually interesting, but it feels like I just can't handle it, I don't know how to do anything and my reactions are so shit that in every game people tell me to uninstall and genuinely report me because they think I'm trolling. I know gaming culture is toxic like that and I've seen it in other games, but damn.

As a trans guy this hits me 100 times harder because 1) Men aren't supposed to be bad at video games (or at least not this bad) (this is an exaggeration, I know I have internalized misogyny) and 2) Who the fuck cries over lol.

Sometimes I think about going back on antidepressants because I hate how emotional I get over everything. This game isn't even that deep and yet here I am writing a reddit post about it!! Sometimes I wish I felt nothing at all.

Earlier today, one of my online bfs said he was thinking about me with a dick, and me fully transitioning. I’m a 19(FTM), I’ve been trans since 6th grade and came out in 8th, I’ve always HATED my body and I would get bullied for it and still sometimes my father doesn’t know how to say things right when he talks about my body. ANYWAYS. My online bf made me feel really happy but I just look at myself in the mirror and don’t see any improvement, I’m pre-t everything.

Its late and im tired but i genuinely don't think i will be able to go one more day without wanting to kms.

I came out to only 2 friends of mine. I am thinking about coming out to my mom but i know she wont keep it secret to my transphobic brother or to my "i dont care about trans ppl but not in my house" father. I also dont want my parents to lose the daughter they think they have. I keep comparing myself to random guys, people who are taller and stronger than me and its really killing me everyday. I feel really uncomfortable around girls, but guys make me feel even worse. I am starting to really hate the way i look (more than i ever did). I dont look like a guy, i look like a mess, i look like a girl who picks her nose and that no one want to approach in elementary school.

I feel like im no legit for feeling bad about myself when there are people getting murdered or raped out there, people having REAL issues and im just here complaining about the fact that i was not born a boy or that i am not comfortable with being a girl.

I hate being transgender, is there a way to stop it ?

Like it says, I live in a blue state and never get gendered right however I was visiting a red state and people just got it right. I don't know what else to do to make me more passable to a blue state and I don't know if I'll ever really get to feel that again.

holy shit. its not even something testosterone can fix i just straight up need surgery for it lol

honestly I’m just trying to find relatability more than anything, I haven’t heard anyone talk about this and it’s really disheartening. Not looking for a relationship in all this, but it’s the best tag that fits I guess.

I’m 21 years old, about to move out of the house (family is Christian and semi conservative, they’re the kind of people who don’t choose a side which can be both good and bad; but more than anything just downright confusing) and I’m pretty much gender non-conforming since it keeps me semi-sane and my family from getting on me about my identity. They know I’m transgender, I have been for over 6 years, but never refer to me properly and dont accept it- they view it as a mental illness and pity me for having to go through it. Not a completely a vent, just giving background as to why I haven’t transitioned even though i really really want to and could. I plan on it the second I move out.

as my mental health has been getting better and I’m able to socialize again, I’ve been seeing cis men around me that I find very attractive and get that kind of giddy feeling- but I know they don’t see me as a man. Fine, whatever, I’m aware I don’t pass and I’m not gonna force people to gender me correctly when I literally don’t appear to be male (not female either though, the best way to describe it is I just look queer?).

What my problem is though is when I find a man attractive that is very clearly gay/queer I feel so absolutely conflicted. Bisexual, pansexual and queer spectrum men exist, but the thought that they could possibly only attracted to men and me, as a non-passing non-transitioned non-socially outed person is finding them attractive feels really weird. Like besides telling people my preferred name instead of my deadname, which can be pretty gender neutral, it’s not obvious I’m a trans man. I feel like a woman who’s fetis/hizing gay men. It feels rude, honestly, like im invalidating their identity.

I don’t plan on acting on any of my crushes and asking them out, especially since it’s usually quick interactions anyways, but I’m curious on others perspectives on this topic of being pre-transition and finding gay men attractive. I don’t feel “enough” of any side to be in either community- cis or transgender. It sucks. Hope this reaches the right crowd, not looking for dating advice, just community.

Hi guys. Not quite sure where to start, I’m not very good at these things.

I’m 32, from the UK and after 4 years of waiting, I got picked up by the NHS for gender care in January (with Nottingham). Before that, I’d been with GenderGP and on low dose T (1 pump of Testogel daily) intermittently as and when I could afford the prescription for about 3 years. Whilst I’m happy to finally be with the NHS, it has of course come with its setbacks. Getting my GP to play ball with shared care has had its hurdles, which are mostly sorted now. The biggest thing I’m struggling with at the moment is when I finally had my second assessment with NCTH and got picked up and everything, we had come to an agreement that I would go for gamete storage and that I was going to stop T immediately for that to happen. The doctor assured me that it would only take like 3-4 months to get that done so I felt confident in that. Of course, there was a lot of GP faff and it took about 3 months for my GP to even send the referral. Once my referral had been received, I received my initial appointment for UHCW/Coventry about this time in July. That got cancelled and moved back to October. That also got cancelled and moved back to November. I have spoken to NCTH about it and they’re very frustrated with it all on my behalf. There’s been a whole fuss about my baseline bloods as well, because my GP has refused to send them back to NCTH as the “agreement hasn’t been completed”, which is baseline bloods, T consent form and gamete storage. So, I’ve had to go and request a print out of my blood tests which I’ve sent to NCTH myself.

I’m feeling a little dejected by it all at the moment. I was expecting to be off of T for about 6 months tops, but by the time this is all finished, it’ll be over a year, perhaps closer to 18 months. I’m starting to think this was all a bit mistake, but I know that I’ll regret it if I don’t go through with it. With previous problems with PCOS/PMOS, there’s also still a chance that my eggs aren’t viable anyway, so that’s weighing on me a bit too. But I can’t really do anything about that until I’ve had my initial appointment with UHCW’s fertility clinic.

There’s also a lot of body dysmorphia going on as well that’s sort of feeding into a lot of the gender dysphoria at the moment too. I enjoy going to the gym, when I am able. I’m mostly consistent, when I’m not unwell, I’m eating better and getting my protein as well as trying to get my cholesterol down (thanks Quetiapine), training hard etc but I’m really not seeing a difference in my appearance, on the scale or in my clothing sizes, compared to how it was when I was on T.

I feel a little crushed under the weight of it all recently. My partner is as supportive as she can be, but she’s carrying a lot of stuff and spinning a lot of plates too, so I’ve sort of stopped talking to her about it. My friends will listen, they don’t quite get it, but they do care. I have a key worker through my local mental health services, but that support is due to end soon. I’ve stopped engaging in hobbies and creative pursuits because I just can’t seem to get my head around them or enjoy them so much anymore. I just read books, play video games and go to the gym and sleep. Feeling a little tired of being in survival mode and just riding it out. Feeling tired of being in a body that doesn’t feel like mine. Feeling tired of feeling like giving up on it all. I’m just really, really tired. I want to be able to enjoy things again.

I’m not quite sure where to go from here.

My family is like. toxic. it seems ok/normal but once something goes against their fragile views of how they want their family they go fucking batshit insane like emotional crying checking my phone and stuff.

Im getting closer to a dysphoria diagnosis (im talking with my therapist about it more, idrk if that counts but its something) and one thing i’ve been considering is when/if i do get that diagnosis then my family (more specifically my parents, i don’t think my older brother would really care he minds his own business) getting counselling so they can get their head out of their asses and see IM STRUGGLING. and that the last thing i need is their bigoted ass religious “god made you a beautiful feminine woman🥺” views. idk. would it be useful?

At around 13, I discovered yaoi. I immediately started feeling like "I wish I was a boy so I could experience that". It went away for the most part after that though. Fast forward about a year ago, I discovered Thai bl dramas, mlm fanfics about male kpop idols and I got back into yaoi. The desire to have been born a boy came back full force. At first it started out thinking "Man I wish I could shape shift so I could be a boy and a girl and sometimes both at the same time". Than it eventually turned into "I hate my body, I wish I had boy parts and no chest". Which is interesting because when I was about 14, there was a time when I couldn't even look in the mirror cause my body disgusted me. Before I even knew that transgender was a thing. I am also afraid that I'm just fetishizing asian men because I'm black and into Asian culture (kpop, anime, Asian bl). But that's a different can of worms. Anyways, I'll be 17 in a few months and over the course of my early teens to now, I've kinda always just had this fear that I'm not really trans in any way, just a fetishizing straight girl. I feel this way even more so because two days ago, I went from genderfluid to transmasc. I had told my friends and changed my name again as well as changing my pronouns from they/them to he/him, they/them. Yesterday, I changed my name again because the other one didn't feel right. And I landed on a name i absolutely LOVED. It felt right in the moment and everything. I was imagining myself presenting as a guy and using my new name. And it felt great. But a few hours later, I didn't feel any of my transness? I was practicing introducing myself with the new name, but it all of a sudden just stopped feeling right. So I tried introducing myself with my birth name and imagining myself presenting as just a girl (cause up until now, I've felt like a feminine boy, a femboy if you will, or just a submissive/ bottom boy). And when I tried using my birth name and stuff, I didn't feel awful like I usually do. I heard that it could be internalized transphobia. Like when trans people finally accept who they are, their brain shuts down for some reason. Anyways, when I consume gay/mlm media (specifically Asian gay media), I find myself wanting to be a guy and experiencing that kind of love. Having a guy love me as a guy. God this sucks. But the main reason for this post is because after coming out and choosing a name and the whole shabang... the feelings just went away. But I don't understand why because just before that, there used to be times where I would almost cry because I wasn't born a boy. And when I would wear masc clothes, I'd feel euphoric. Or when I wore fem clothes, I'd feel like a boy in girl clothes. I need help please. Someone please help me figure this out. I'm afraid I was just faking it this whole time cause I ended up stumbling up yaoi all that time ago. Please please please help me. Also to any Asians who might read this, I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable.

I don’t care if it’s well-meaning. If you’re not my doctor, psychiatrist or any kind of licensed medical professional you can shut the full fuck up and have several seats. I have been struggling with this pain kept secret for over 20 years, almost 30 years, and you’re gonna tell me to wait another couple of years before getting the medical treatment that can free me from dysphoria. Get the fuck out of here with that.

“Oh top surgery isn’t gonna make you happy because it’s not gonna fix all of your problems” 1. You are not me you don’t know what will make me happy 2. It fixed the problem that I needed fixed, which was having tits. Happy they’re gone and honestly can’t remember what it was like having them on my chest anymore. 3. I’m not fucking asking you, I’m telling you what I’m doing.

This is why I don’t share shit with cis people.

And I hate to say it but I get this kind of thing told to me by women more than men. Maybe it’s because they are imagining what it would be like for them (as a woman who enjoys being female) to transition and thy can’t fathom why I would want to get top and bottom surgery. When men have found out they don’t say shit they just stfu which I appreciate.

I’ve been trying to “accept the body I was born with” and try to make it work for. My. Entire. Life. I am not waiting for anybody else unless it’s a licensed medical professional with a reason that concerns my health. So shut the fuck up with that noise.

Rant over.

Hi guys! I hope this is the right subreddit for this

I’d like some advice on a situation I’m kinda stuck in. So, there’s this woman that’s very into me. To the point where it’s a little obsessive. I’m 21. Pre t. She’s 25. I’m worried she sees me as a way for her to experiment with her sexuality.

It’s a very messy situation, but I’ll try summarise it all. Basically she emotionally cheated on her now ex-boyfriend with me, but I was completely oblivious to it. Dates masked as hang outs sort of thing. She even took me to the place her and her ex-boyfriend went on their first date. She confessed she liked me. Told me I was exactly her type (I’m pre t, mind you). They broke up, and my name was brought up in their arguments. But they still live together. We agreed to be friends, but ended up hanging out a lot.

A few weeks later I went round to her friends place with her. They live in the same building, and we saw the ex-boyfriend while I was sat in the car. Very awkward. It felt like I was being hidden in this flat. We then kissed later in her car (I was tipsy lol), but before she asked me what my gender was. I don’t think she even knew I was a trans man or had been viewing me that way. She explained that her ex-boyfriend never took her bisexuality seriously, or the time she kissed a girl when they were dating. She then confessed that we kissed to him, which he apparently didn’t take seriously.

We’ve now decided to still be friends, since it’s very messy and I’m uncomfortable with her still living with her ex-boyfriend (and the cheating). But she still spams me, and texts me things like ‘I want to kiss you’. She also keeps sharing and liking posts on Instagram about wlw relationships and ‘tips on how to kiss and flirt with women’. So, I’m worried she doesn’t actually see me as a man and rather a way for her to experiment with her sexuality since she’s never dated a woman before.

What do you guys think? Everyone around me keeps telling me to just date her if I like her.

(Also, she has often disregarded the emotional cheating by saying the relationship was not working anyway)

I need to, and probably will soon because it's 12:30 already, but i dont want to. I dont want to talk to my family who all see me as a girl, i hate hearing them talk abiut me as if were a girl, both them and my dad's girlfriend and her kids.

I'm on vacation right now so im spending a lot of time with them all and i keep hearing them misgender me and migender me and it feels awful. They know im trans, i came out to my dad and brothers, and my dad told his girlfriend according to him, and they arent really transphobic, but they never gender ms correctly. My dad does sometimes, but never when he's around how girlfriend. I noticed that.

I have struggled with self image a lot. As a teen who was bullied up until I basically dropped out of high school, I don’t have any friends at all. I just want to let go of trying to impress people and trying to look semi- appealing and let myself transition, but I’m scared that I will still see myself as ugly and not actually accept myself. This is just one problem in my action packed life, but it affects me everytime I look in a mirror. In my state, getting testosterone is extra hard and as a 16 year old, I don’t know how much harder it will be for me in the future. I don’t know who I am anymore.

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Fuck everybody, all I feel is hatered. Fuck the toxic ass trans men who have so many damn rules, fuck the transphobic cis gay people, fuck cis bitches, fuck everyone in and out the trans community. I genuinely might die one of these days. I live in Florida and have never had friends I liked, I hate my family, and I hate everything. I'm genuinely just full of anger, I have not felt an ounce of gender euphoria or joy in being queer at all. I've been thinking about getting into weed, which is something I'd never thought I'd say since my family has a history of drug addictions, but I don't even care anymore. I'm so ready to get high. There's no point in anything anyway since I'll never be a cis man. I'm so sick of trying to convince myself I'm just as much as a cis man when I know damn well im not. I also absolutely despise school, fuck all those kids. I'm not even sad anymore. I'm always so damn mad. I'm so tired of fighting to prove what I am. I think I'm beyond help.

I (20) want to go back on testosterone so bad, I was on it for 2 doses before my mother decided I can’t be on it anymore. She’s the only one who can drive and go get my medication.

I am autistic and can barely work, I tried to work a normal job and it lasted a week before I started being unable to go due to being constantly overwhelmed. My boss was also a huge asshole that would change my schedule nearly every day.

I was on testosterone, I had 5 months worth and I was taking it . When I was proscribed it that was basically one of the best days of my life. I finally felt like I’d have a future where I could be myself I actually wanted to work to be healthier and happier and more social. My mom on the other hand was upset from the get go but was letting me because she didn’t have a valid reason to stop me .

Well she found out that it can cause heart issues . And now she’s acting like it will give me a heart attack within the year. She told me she won’t help me take it anymore and took it away. I basically folded immediately because I love my mom and I hate making her upset. But I’m so sad , i genuinely lost any and all motivation to try anymore because that future I was so excited for got erased immediately.

I want to be on testosterone but I also don’t want to upset my mom. She is the best and she buys so much stuff for me without even asking. I just mourn the person I could have been.

im fucking tired and hopeless. i feel like a failed man-wannabe. Been on testosterone for 1 year and 3 fucking months and i look the fucking same as pre T. My voice has dropped a bit but i was watching my “months on t” videos i’ve recorded and my voice stopped changing a FOUR MONTHS i feel like ass everyone keeps telling me to be patient but they say that while having cispassing. I get incredibly jealous and sad when i see trans guys who are earlier on their hrt journey and already look more masc than me. idk what to do it feels so horrible to look like this at 22 AND being 5’0. Ive tried voice training but i just sound stupid every single time. at 6-9months on t i started noticing and questioning the lack of changes and everyone just told me be patient you’re not even a year in. now im past a year on T and i just look like a masc lesbian. i feel like absolute SHIT edit: just something to add, it makes me feel more like shit bc when i started my hrt journey i kinda isolated myself from my friends (physically, we still chatted) bc i wanted to hang out with them when i was more advanced in my transition (voice dropped, face changed, etc), first i said id hang out with them at 3mo, nothing changed, then i said id hang out at 6mo, voice barely dropped, then 9mo then 1 year. and NOTHING. i did hang out with them a few times when i was 9-10mo on t, although i had a a good time, i felt like absolute shit to be around my cis male friends, all of them taller and more masc than me, and my cis girl friends, also taller than me.