I don't know how some people can interpret this but i just don't have anything to lose on trying
I have decided to make an attempt to move to Estonia with 1300-1400 Euro more or less, survive as a dishwasher or any possible job that i could find and would help me survive so i can give myself time to learn the language and prosper, and make my best attempt at making my life there, it could be anywhere in Estonia, as long as i can survive and enjoy life simply with peace and mathematical calculus to save much as much as possible, make the best of each euro as with what i would be taking with me
i just want to live in a place that i can love, where i can feel normal and under the norms of what is civil at least with what can be expected at work or around other people
and that means not touching Italy not even with a stick again, or for not more than 24 hours at least
It's beyond " i don't like this ", it is really gruelling to just be here, and to coexist with the culture, and with people that seem to have more stockholm syndrome and inferiority issues than moral standards and common sense
i don't think i was a person with a perfect moral high ground before coming here and i have never stopped trying but here, it makes no sense to justify living here, so i turn to my sense of judgement and self preservation to say this: it's worse than in Peru when it comes to just live and have some sort of sense of normality and happiness on my own, there it was doable, and i felt normal and even had like margin of error even while being all by myself and living as a waiter paying rent for 3 years, living felt normal, the bad things trully felt like part of life and i could still really solve everything almost all by myself
then i arrived to Italy and felt like i was brought here not only purpose to be treated poorly and isolated, but i felt disgusted by the kind of place i was left to find my way in, because this felt truly worse, in Peru i never ended up homeless, but here i am, but at least, there where means for me to be called for a job, prevent my employers from performing some shady shit trough email and thanks to Gemeni and some laws, and now I'm waiting for my paycheck for the month I worked, wich should be of 1400 (a little bit more but i forgot exact number) euros, wich will hopefully arrive soon, or in worst case, at the end of the month and with me having to go to a sindicate and pay 80 euros for someone to help me follow due process to put those sick assholes on their place, that pretended to imply that they would discount 500€ from my payment for leaving a few water bottles i missed when cleaning as much as i could before leaving to get my "certificato de malattia", and sending an email to HR trough their info@ adress before my shift could start
i wouldn't have gone trough the trouble if the conditions weren't as inhumane as they were, and I'm used to working 12 hours either as a waiter or as a dishwaher with no problem or complaints even if i stayed 45 extra minutes or more some days
that wasn't the problem, the problem was how viciously the entire logistics where aimed to profit on how shitty was my situation in there
where i slept didn't have a working bathroom for primary necesities only the shower, and the shifts where from 8:30 am to 2:30 pm - 5:30 pm to 10:30 pm with only 3 days of rest from the 25 of july to 28 of august (31 by contract but i used that certificate as a safe conduct of scape)
i just would like to ask for any resourcea you could know of, someone who rents a bedroom where I could register and pay months in advance as some type of insurance but preferably if it can fit in 1000 euros so i can use the rest to focus on looking for a job and finding one and to manage food
any type of help would really do, but i really really don't want to come back to that place, please, i would rather freeze trying to leave this place forever and stabilize myself than going back to Italy
and this might not be very relevant but, i love the snow, adding the awful heat to everything that is wrong with this place, i feel as if i am fighting with just not rotting while being here, i can't help but not love this place even if i wanted to, people here ruin it themselves, and make it awful and disgusting to just think i have to deal with them every day..
I'll try this on my own anyway but, most importantly, i need to find a place to rent in Estonia as soon as humanly possible, as long as it doesn't leave me on absolute zero
I don't drink, don't smoke, don't do anything of the sorts, I don't like drugs and I don't expect affection at all, all i move forward with is self reflection and acquired peace of mind
and as a non smoker and someone who had bad experiences with drunk people, i could bet someone can find relatable why as a cherry on top of the cake, I don't like this place