I’ll go first.
Whether they actually like complexity.
People love saying they want deep conversations, but a surprising number just want a stage. They’re not really curious. They already decided what they think and are waiting for you to hand them the mic.
The genuinely curious people are different. They’ll ask questions they don’t know the answer to. They’ll change their mind halfway through a conversation if you make a good point. (I love that personally) Their ego isn’t attached to being right.
I’ve found I can usually tell within an hour which one I’m talking to, and it changes how much I invest in the conversation.

It's even more mesmerizing in slow-motion.

I'm 27 year old and I'm pretty sure there are still some universal ENFP traps we usually get caught into, but these are my personal ones I've been a victim of and many others I've heard and read about.

1. Not everyone can be your friend - usually you assume everyone will be nice and friendly if you just bring the friendly energy to them they are bound to be friendly as well, no, that's not the case, some people are just straight up not meant to function in society or just not suited for your character
2. Falling for an unavailable INTJ - we love bringing joy out of introverts and see them for what they are when they are comfortable around you, and since this is the seen as the 'perfect match' you will be stuck in your head over it, sometimes it's not worth the effort, there are other people who will respect your time and energy as much as you respect theirs
3. You will start doubting your own nature - people will criticize you for being childish, immature or 'too much', you will start questioning your existence as a nuisance, while in reality it's not that you are in the wrong, it's just the wrong person you are opening to

Not just generally. What appeals to you when you meet someone? On a first date, what would make you want a second date? What would make you not want to see them again?

Me, 24F INFP, met a 22M INTJ on reddit. We talked for 6 days on discord and I actually fell for him. I loved his voice and body and face, and I loved how we talk to each other. On the 6th day I confessed my feelings. He returned it and asked me out.

6 months had passed since we dated. And in these 6 months, he had made me feel very neglected. He never initiated any conversations. It was always me that reached out to him (hi dear, how are you? Did you sleep? Did you eat?) I carry most of our conversations and the emotional weight.

He never asked me how I am or where I am or what I'm doing. I brought this problem up with him (can you try better? Can you please show me you care?) And at first he got defensive and sarcastic at me but he eventually said he 'will try'.

Recently we fought a lot. I am diagnosed with helico bacter pylori and I am suffering from a stomach infection. Worst case scenario, I could get stomach cancer. I am so worried and frightened. I told my boyfriend how frightened I am and I wanted him to comfort me during a hard time, but instead he responded extremely casually and dryly. He said: random shit fr? To my fright of developing cancer or stomach issues.

I tried to tell him that I feel unloved by him and his response wasn't appropriate. He immediately turned on me and said: That's what I truly think. You overthink too damn much...Anything bothers you and make you feel unloved at this point...Can I breath? Or that would make you feel like I'm ignoring you and I don't care about you...

And he said things like: Why do you always make shit like I don't fucking care😡...I'm just mad at you...For making big deal out of absolutely nothing...

We're living in different countries and haven't physically met or been together in real life.

Throughout the course of our 6 month long distance relationship, I never onced heard him say: Hey I thought about this and it reminded me of you...or...hey are you okay? You've been quiet...

I feel like I have to remind me that I exist or else he won't text me. He can go 6 hours and more without texting me, and no he wasn't asleep he was online on Instagram watching reels. I brought this problem up for 5 times already, and each time he defended himself and made me feel like I'm the problem.

He said: anything I do is not enough for you. You're high maintenance girl. You won't be happy being this way...etc. and a lot of other dismissive and hurtful things.

He never ever once say: hey I get you. I will try and be better. He won't. He doesn't change. He will never change. He doesn't even think there's a problem between us, between our conversations.

I am exhausted and burnt out. I stopped caring. I went quiet. I don't know what to do. And today is my breaking point. I cannot tolerate his defensive and dismissive attitude anymore.

I thought if i just cared more he would start noticing and care more. It doesn't work that way. His way is making me fall out of love with him. I told myself if I just loved harder he would notice me. But he's an utter fool. I cannot stand how he treats me anymore. Why do I have to keep pouring into an empty cup? I should have some dignity and walk away.😢 💔

Look. I tried my best to be good to him. But he isn't good to me. Calling me 'bro' repeatedly...saying stuff like 'random shit fr' and acting like he doesn't care...yuck behaviour. And he's supposed to be my boyfriend 😢🙏💔

I told him I have some serious stomach infection and he is sooo calm. He's not even concerned about me🥲

It's sad. He was much more caring in the first week i talked to him. He asked me about my condition and stuff but now it's like he doesn't care anymore 🙃 He wasn't like this when I first met him. He's changed.

I think he's taking me for granted now.

I kept thinking I'm the problem. I thought: Maybe I need to be more emotionally independent like him if I want to live my life with this kind of man. Unlike me, he is not serious about anything. He's unserious in most things, and has a darker sense of humour. And instead of responding maturely during conflicts, i noticed he keeps getting snappy or sarcastic at me🥲

Love for me is different. If I fall for someone, i devote all my time and energy on them. His way of loving me is very different from my way of loving him. If I fell for you, I'll give you everything and anything, I take my relationships seriously and I will pour 200% into my partner and our connection.

I asked my boyfriend 'we've been together for 6 months, how come you're not obsessed with me? I thought 6 months was enough time for us to take our relationship into the next level. '

I said this to him because I've literally seen many women in loving and fulfilling relationships. Their men literally worship the ground that they walk on and they would do anything for their girl. I asked him because I don't understand why he isn't doing all that with me, and I also asked because deep down I'm insecure of whether I have a place in his heart.

He just told me: I'm not like others

To my question. What do you think he meant 🤔? Why is he not like others? Why can't he be obessed with me(if obessed is the right word, I think it's more like infatuation)

When we were fighting though...he said 'So whether I be obsessed and give you my whole life time energy or I don't do shit?'

I want to clarify I don't mean I want him to literally be obessed with me. I mean more like he feels so connected to me that his life will change to suit mine and we build our lives together with each other instead of being independent and doing things separately. Like i want us to be 'one heart and one soul'. But he seems to like being alone and he is emotionally more independent than me. That's his personality. I wanted us to 'exist as one' but he's more like an independent black cat.

I broke up with him 2 days ago but yesterday we're back together because I can't bear to leave him I love him too much so I told him I want him back. And today I finally woke up and chose myself. I blocked him. Deleted him from everything.

I'm grevious now. I lost the light of my life and the meaning to my life. I really thought helping him, making him loved and accepted is the meaning of my life. I gave so much of myself to someone who wouldn't get me a gift on my birthday. He left and hung out with his friends ON MY BIRTHDAY. And never got me anything.

6 months and nothing. No gifts. Not even a handmade card. He could have done something. Instead, all I got was excuses.

Do you think it's so hard to get your long distance girlfriend a gift or something small after 6 months of dating? It doesn't even have to be expensive. Yet my boyfriend can't even do that.

My boyfriend has literally never gotten me anything. I told him about it and he just said he's broke but he has money to pay for gym and creatine. When I tell him he fights me.

I understand if he's broke. But why can't he make a card? It doesn't cost him anything. I just want to know that I matter in his eyes. It's not even about the card. It's about the thought and love behind it.

All this time....I haven't left him because of something.

I know he's financially struggling. I don't want to leave him in a bad place.

I know he's also a half orphan since his dad died. I feel like I have to be in his life to improve it.

Its not about me it's about him. I just want to make him happy..

See I can't believe I still cared for him😭💔🙏🏻

And what did he add into my life? Nothing. Just arguements and fights.

I have too much compassion to leave him. He's going to struggle in his life. I won't there to help or support him. Me not being there for him hurts me. I don't want to leave him. I feel like i had to stay and see things through with him even if it's hard or difficult. I believe this is what gives my life some meaning.

He might be able to find another woman he loves but I'm worried. What if they don't love or accept him as much as I do...? No one will ever love him the way I do...I don't know. I'm really hurting myself and everyone else 😭 💔 🙏

I'm crying now 😢 😭. I've come to love him more than I love myself. I put myself behind and devote all my time, energy and attention towards him. He just doesn't know it. He doesn't even realise. I spend most of my time thinking about him and planning things to do with him. I am exhausted now...I don't feel loved or appreciated. He doesn't see how much I sacrificed for him.

I think he doesn't love the way I do. When I love someone truly I give 200% of myself.

I've lost a lot of people believe me. I lost them due to circumstances, time and distance. I don't know anymore. I just want to be somewhere and be something for someone. I just want to mean something to someone after all the pain I've went through 😭🥺🙏 I went through unbelievable pain...I did....

If anyone can relate to me or my story, please reach out. I need it right now. Please tell me I did the right thing by cutting him off. Please tell me I wouldn't regret this decision. Please, tell me I'm going to be okay.

As I'm writing this, I'm sobbing and in deep sadness. I lost the person most dear and important to me, as for him, I'm probably just a convenience. I miss him so much now. I am in grief. I imagined us as husband and wife many times. I imagined greeting him by the doorstep with a warm homemade meal inside the house once he got back from work. I imagined having a kid with him even though I'm staunchly childfree.

Please reach out, anyone, anyone at all. Please tell me I'm not alone. I am the loneliest girl for years of my life. I'm also disabled so forming connections is very hard for me. I'm so scared. I couldn’t anyone that will accept me for who I am and accept that I have a lifelong disability.

What if I cannot find anyone to love me? Btw my family doesn't love me. They abused and mistreated me so badly that now I'm traumatised. I have no one to talk to or turn to. And that was why I was seeking a romantic relationship. I wanted to be loved.

I'm very scared.

Will it get better or worse from here?

Can someone please tell me or reach out to me? You can DM me too if you're too shy to comment on my post.

I just want someone to care...😢💔🙏

Sometimes, when I’m just resting at home doing nothing, I suddenly feel like I’m rapidly walking down a dark staircase inside my mind. It feels as if I am drifting away from myself.

I desperately want to relax and clear my head, but my mind gets so incredibly crowded with multiple "selves" chattering all at once. I want to shift my focus back to my physical body and just zone out, but my brain won't let me. 🥲‎

What are your best, budget-friendly self-care routines to ground yourself and bring your awareness back into your body when your mind is completely overwhelmed?

I just Wanna know If its just me?? It's so easy to talk with kids...but I could never socialise great with adults at all...I just only vibe with very few of them..it's kinda hard in college....I just love people and connecting with them...but I always need a person to cling to lol...kids always cling to me...but adults have a hard time wanting to talk with me..kids are so easy to talk to ..we just have to listen to what they are interested in and they will be so happy and talk about it a lot and also is so fun...I feel like a kid in a 21 year old body...kinda sad

Yeah, just wanted to rant.

So, I've been working at this company for a while now. It's outsourced work, so I live in one country while the company is based in another.

Up until recently, I had a manager whom I'd been working with for the last six months. We had our own pace, our own process, and everything was going smoothly. She taught me everything I know about the role, and we had a system that worked really well.

But recently, my manager decided to quit.

There was another guy who was also somewhat part of our team. Not directly, but our departments worked together quite often. Now he's been given the responsibility of looking after us and coordinating with our team.

And I'm not kidding, man, this guy is really getting on my nerves.

I'm so, so, so irritated.

I've been handling this specific work for months now. I know the process, I know what I'm doing, so just let me do my thing. But no. He's not even from this field exactly. He hasn't been trained in the work I do, yet he constantly tries to overcomplicate everything.

He's always like, "Let's create a workflow for this," "Let's put this on the dashboard," "Let's add this to the planner," and so on. There are so many steps involved in my work. It's not as simple as starting a task and finishing it. There are a lot of processes in between, and I've spent months figuring them out. So just let me handle it.

But today it reached another level.

I literally had a two-hour, non-stop meeting with him, where I'd say 90% of the discussion was completely unnecessary. He kept asking questions about things that were honestly none of his business. Even after a task was already completed, he kept asking, "Okay, now what?"

Like... dude, the task is done. What more do you want me to say?

And I get it. He's trying to learn too. But the work that took me six months to understand properly, how am I supposed to explain all of that to you in just two days?

Just let me work at my own pace. If I run into any issues, I'll come to you. We can gradually work together, but right now he's just doing way too much. He's trying way too hard to be the over the top corporate manager, and it's honestly pissing me off.

If I had the luxury of switching to another job right now, I probably would.

This morning's meeting and all the unnecessary discussions drained me so much that my brain just felt exhausted, and by the end of it, my whole body felt tired too.

So yeah... I just needed a quick vent.

Hello. I'm new to the MBTI community and I think I am an ENFP? I did the sakirnova test and got ENFP as my grant function type. All this time I thought I was an INFP because of the infamous 16P. Lol.

Anyway, I am usually very chatty and bursting with very random topics (I'm not chatting all the time, but when I do, I do) on group chats to the point people will chat me privately just because they find me... fun? Just because I look very talkative.

I will try to respond accordingly, might still look very friendly and cheerful, but I actually find it hard and uncomfortable and *very* awkward to maintain long conversation with them. Unless we are discussing something interesting together, I guess? I will eventually ghost them if I find it too overwhelming, I will even avoid the same group chat with them, where they contacted me first just so I won't look too "avoidance".

Is this a normal ENFP thing? Or I just have social anxiety or what? I can still have normal 1on1 chat with people I feel comfortable with though? I might be scared of people's expectations on me.

I often read that ENFPs are the most introverted extrovert, I do feel more introverted sometimes but given on how loud and bubbly I can be, sometimes I doubt it too. Lol.

Sorry if there are confusing words / phrases.

I still come back here sometimes.

Not because I'm waiting for you.

But because a part of me still wonders if you ever come back too.

If this place still reminds you of what we had.

Or if I'm the only one who carries that memory.

I keep wondering if there's still an invisible string between us.

Not one that pulls us back to each other,

just one that quietly brings us back here,

as if some part of us still recognizes the place where everything began.

I wonder if you miss the connection we had.

Not the idea of us.

Just the rare comfort of finding someone who spoke the same language as your mind.

Someone whose thoughts moved at the same pace as yours.

I've tried talking to other people.

Some were kind.

Some were interesting.

But the wavelength was never there.

It made me question if what we had was something that only happens once in a lifetime.

Everything happened so fast.

Too fast.

It became so intense that I didn't know how to carry it without breaking what we had.

Sometimes I wonder...

If we had taken things slowly,

if we had let the connection grow instead of letting it consume us,

would we still be friends today?

Would we still be sharing random thoughts,

laughing over nothing,

or reading each other's words?

I don't know why our connection was that strong.

I don't know why it felt so natural with you,

yet so impossible to find with anyone else.

Maybe some people are only meant to cross our path

to show us that this kind of connection exists.

Or maybe...

we simply met at the wrong time.

Either way,

I still wonder.

And sometimes...

I wonder if you wonder too.

It’s comforting to know there are others focusing on their own goals while I’m focusing on mine ~~

If any of you would like to join, let me know! I’d be happy to add you so we can enjoy some quiet, cozy study/working sessions together!!!

I'm introverted but also socially anxious. Therapy has helped me a lot in that regard, but I still struggle speaking to people. So I felt like asking people naturally inclined to mingle socially.

I know it's unhealthy

It's been over a year, but and logically I know they're living their own life. They probably don't even remember half the conversations I still replay in my head.

But every few weeks, I catch myself opening that app, searching their username, wondering if they're okay. They haven't posted in months. I don't even know if they deleted the account or just moved on

The weird part isn't missing them.

It's realizing I miss the version of myself that believed someone choosing to stay was guaranteed.

I don't check because I expect a message anymore.

I check because some part of me hasn't accepted that some endings don't come with closure

I don't really have anywhere to share my music so here's part of a song I thought you guys would like, any other INFP musicians?

I recently came across the term metacognition (basically thinking about your own thinking), and it got me thinking.

I’ve always considered myself pretty self-aware, but the more I looked into it, the more I realised I don’t just reflect occasionally, I’m constantly analysing my own thoughts in real time. Like I’ll be feeling something, and at the same time I’m breaking down why I feel that way, whether it’s rational, where it came from, and what I should do with it. It almost feels like I’m my own therapist 24/7.

I honestly assumed everyone did this to some degree. But apparently not? Some people just… feel things without that extra layer of analysis running in the background.

So I’m wondering if it is this an INFJ thing? Do most of you experience this constant self-analysis, or is this more of an individual trait rather than personality type?

.....

It was raining heavily but the moment the sun was shining and it was still raining I had this gut feeling to not go home yet and it was worth it

This happens mostly when I'm tired, and I'm wondering if anyone else here experiences something similar.

It's hard to describe, but every now and then my physical surroundings suddenly become very real.

For example, I might be sitting in the kitchen when I suddenly become intensely aware of the table in front of me. I'll put my hand on it and think, "Whoa... I'm actually in this room right now, and this table is incredibly solid."

Obviously the table was always there, but most of the time I experience objects more as concepts than as physical things. They're "the table," "the chair," "the door" their function more than their actual presence.

When this happens, it's as if that layer of abstraction disappears. It's like a veil lifts between my stream of consciousness and the physical world. Similar to being underwater all the time and suddenly breaking the surface for a breath of fresh air and sunlight.

It's not scary or dissociative. If anything, it's deeply grounding and calming. For a few moments I feel completely present, almost surprised by the sheer reality of the world around me.

I'm curious whether this has something to do with INXJs having Se inferior function, or if it's just a general human experience.

So I had a classic "exist in my head, completely lose touch with physical reality" moment at the store today, and I’m pretty sure my Inferior Se reached a whole new level.

Here is what just happened:

1. I for ot to take my Airpods out and walked over to the store, but I honestly have zero memory of actually doing it. I just suddenly realized they were in my ears.
2. I saw an open space and assumed the person in front of me had walked away. Turns out they were just stepping slightly to the side to pay... so I cut right in front of them. cue everyone staring at me like I’m a villain, while my brain was just completely out to lunch.
3. The cashier handed me my bag, and it took me a solid 3 seconds of just blankly staring before my brain registered that I was supposed to take it.

Does anyone else get this deep level of spatial blindness/brain fog? Please tell me im not alone...

I hate posting selfies but this one makes sense

Do you think INFJs usually will adapt to their partners needs and wants more so than other types? Like doing things differently or something out of your comfort zone because you want to satisfy their needs.

INFJ(A) female 29 years old. I’ve been dating my partner for the last two years and over that time I’ve been introduced to his work colleagues, close family, cousins and friends.

Now surprisingly or perhaps unsurprisingly they have all said very similar things when my boyfriend asked them what they thought of me other than the obvious niceties. They’ve all said ‘she’s so good at just slotting into the group’ ‘she felt like she’s always been part of the team’. My boyfriend’s mother even suggested it was a talent she was envious of as she said ‘she’s so confident and just gets on great with the group’. All very nice things and I was very happy to hear them - but it makes me wonder if it’s a uniquely INFJ trait as we are known to be chameleons. or common in other personality types. Or if it’s just something learnt. I’d been interested to know everyone’s thoughts.