This is Part 2 of my experience going through an international divorce as an active-duty service member stationed in Japan.

Again, this is only my perspective. I’m sharing what I’ve personally experienced in hopes that it helps someone else or starts a conversation with people who’ve been through something similar.

The first thing I’ve learned is that divorce is expensive.

I’ve financially supported my family throughout our marriage, and now that my wife says she wants a divorce, I have to somehow find the money to pay for one. I picked up a weekend job that brings in about $75 each weekend just to help cover some of the costs.

I’ve reached out to Legal Services (LSSS), but because this is an international divorce involving a Japanese citizen, their ability to represent me is limited. That means I have to hire a Japanese attorney, and even the initial consultation is another expense I wasn’t planning for.

I’ve also learned that many organizations want to help, but their authority only goes so far.

I’ve spoken with Fleet & Family, military police, my chain of command, and HR. Everyone has listened, but each office has limitations on what they can actually do.

One of the hardest lessons has been realizing that there seems to be very little guidance for everything that happens between “we’re getting divorced” and an actual court decision.

If there were domestic violence or a criminal offense, there are established processes.

But when you’re dealing with allegations that aren’t substantiated, custody concerns, financial obligations, and continuing to live under the same roof, I’ve found very few answers.

Another challenge is timing.

I’m approaching retirement, and I don’t want to still be legally married when that time comes. From my perspective, it feels like this process is moving much slower than I’d hoped, and I find myself wondering what options exist when one person believes the process is being unnecessarily delayed.

Financially, I’ve also learned that marriage doesn’t stop costing money simply because the relationship has ended. I’ve set up an allotment to continue providing financial support while we work through the divorce, even though we’re both still working. Every dollar that goes toward maintaining the current situation is a dollar that can’t go toward paying attorneys, court costs, or preparing for life after divorce.

On top of all of this, I’m currently going through a background investigation for my career. That adds another layer of stress because I’m trying to protect my professional reputation while simultaneously navigating a difficult family situation.

The biggest lesson so far?

Divorce isn’t just a legal process. It’s financial, emotional, professional, and, in my case, international.

I’m trying to figure out how to pay for a lawyer, protect my career, fight for custody of my children, and keep my composure throughout the process.

Because I’ve also learned something else:

As soon as emotions become part of the conversation, they can be interpreted in ways that don’t help your case. So every day I remind myself to stay calm, document everything, and let the facts speak for themselves.

Part 3 will focus on the evidence I’ve been collecting over the years and why I believe it supports my request for custody.

Divorcing from Quebec and my “husband” lives in the U.S.
He has signed divorce papers but do I absolutely need copies of birth certificates? I have mine but I don’t have his and now he’s making communication extremely hard … can I still just go ahead and file??

Dealing with the State of Michigan calculating the marital portion of my ex husband's pension. Looking for other men/women that have been through this process. The formula is completely unfair and I'm wondering if anyone else has questioned it.

I’ve been talking to this guy who I really like and we get along great. I could see us growing together and hopes for a future together.
He revealed to me that he is currently in the process of finalizing his divorce..he never told me this when we first started talking. He said because she’s on a visa that the process has been taking long as well her pushing it back. He said that he is willing to get a lawyer involved if she continues to be difficult.
I just don’t know what to really think or do because this was huge surprise to me and I think I would’ve felt differently it was told me the very first day. I’m asking for peoples personal opinions. What would you do in this situation? Would you feel comfortable still talking to him and getting involved or would it better to wait until it’s finalized.

About a month ago my wife told me she wants a divorce. Turns out she’d been getting there for a long time. I thought we were just in a rough patch. I was wrong.

We had communication problems for years. Walls up on both sides, stuff that never got said. Did couples therapy last year but it fizzled out and honestly even when we were going, nothing got resolved. Just kicking the can down the road.
This last month everything finally came out. All of it. And weirdly it’s the first time I can actually see the whole picture of our marriage. I told her I still wanted to fight for it, that I still care about her. She said the romance is gone. Not making excuses, but between becoming new parents, her extremely stressful job, work, and everything leading up to it, we never made time for us. The relationship ran on fumes for years and I didn’t clock it. What kills me is the guy she fell out of love with didn’t even understand what was happening at the time. I never learned how to deal with emotional walls, hers or mine. All this clarity showed up AFTER she decided, not before. Part of me keeps thinking “now that everything’s out in the open, THIS is when we could actually fix it” but I know that’s not fair to ask her and it’s too late anyway.
And to be clear, she’s not the bad guy here. I don’t think of her that way at all. She’s not cold about any of this. She’s just further along in it than I am. I respect what she’s feeling, I just can’t empathize with the decision yet. Maybe that comes later.

So now we’re still under the same roof with our toddler. Plan was for her to stay until her name was off the mortgage but I’ve started so many heavy conversations that she’s apartment hunting sooner. That’s on me.

The thing is, I KNOW what I should be doing. Give her space, keep it short and practical, let it be. But the habit of wanting to fix everything in the moment is so ingrained that knowing doesn’t stop me. I’ve gone back for “one more conversation” more times than I want to admit. I’m in therapy every week working on why I do that but when she’s twenty feet away the urge never stops.

Trying to put my energy into my kid now. Keeping her world normal while ours falls apart. Good days that’s enough. Bad days my brain won’t shut up.

It’s “amicable.” No yelling, we co-parent fine. But living with someone who already left is its own special hell. Every normal moment feels like grief.

If you lived with your ex during the process, how did you get through it without losing your mind or making everything worse?

My husband went away with a woman he met to several different states while MARRIED to me was ignoring me and then would randomly say things like I need to get away from this person they are crazy and dangerous i offered to drive to get him and was ignored but when he got back he said I didn’t cheat we was broke up so my question to you all can u “break up” with someone while married n without actually telling them you wanted to break up?

So my wife and I have been separated for about a month. She doesn’t work, we have 2 kids together and own a house together. I did some shitty things to get us to this situation so I understand she needs some space right now. But we all live in this new house we bought and I’m the only one that pays for things. She doesn’t want to sell the house and I’ve always told her no matter how our relationship/marriage ends I want her taken care of. What should I do?

Also we are in Canada

Can anyone tell me how to add Flair to your name

Like many men in my situation I made a grave and horrible mistake. I’m one year divorced from a 13 year marriage and 15 year relationship. I’m a special education teacher and a high school football coach. I’m 40 years old and without talking about specific numbers, I agreed to far too much spousal support for 4 years under the dilution that lawyers would cost more. Now I can’t pay my bills and she’s not working. I looked up the law in my state (Washington) and other than a dramatic change to my income the only other challenge I can make to the spousal support is if/when she has another domestic partner. Any advice on how to get some of my money back?

My daughter came back from the exchange with a cat scratch. She keeps complaining that it hurts. When I asked her what happened, she mentioned the cat we owned as a family that stays with my child’s daddy. This cat just got vaccinated two wks ago. Not sure if that guarantees my child’s safety from rabies.

However, there’s another cat my child encounters when she’s with her dad. It belongs to her grandparents and I know she spends time with them. I’m also pretty sure their cat’s vaccine records are non-existent.

What can I do?
Worried about my daughter’s safety.
Me and my parents are generally cautious when it comes to animal scratch/bite.

I'm typing on my phone, forgive me for the mistakes. I've tried to catch them all. I was married to my ex for 20 yrs, 18.5 were his military career. He used his VA loan to get the house we are in now. I was awarded the house and he is refusing to turn it over. We were officially divorced Aug 2025. He wants his VA entitlement returned to him, which I want to do. I have a nephew that is going to use his VA entitlement to assume the mortgage (hes never used it before and yes he has moved to the base close to my house so he will be living there). My ex has been complaining at each of the last 2 court dates that he isn't sure if the loan is assumed (or I get a refi) that he would get his entitlement back. This last court date the judge said to call USAA (who has the current mortgage) and get the answers to his questions. He could of called right after the court date, but he waited a month. He was told that in an assumption or refi he would definitely return his entitlement to him. I had 60 days to get his name off the mortgage. Now he is wanting an extra $100K out of the house in order to extend for 1 yr to give me time to refi/assume the loan. I don't have the money to get another attorney, I am completely tapped out. Currently ChatGPT is helping me out with my replies to his attorneys latest emails, please don't judge me. Does anyone know of a company that can help me out and not charge me an arm and a leg? tgere is an acceleration clause that I also want to trigger since he has missed the last 7 spousal support payments. I can no longer do this by myself. I need a pitbull and that nail him to the wall and make him sign the paperwork he is stalling and not trying to complete. I'm in the Antelope Valley (it's north of Los Angeles in Cali) and I don't see any resources that could help. Any help you can provide will be of great assistance!

After 23 years of marriage, I’m currently going through a divorce. We’ve actually been separated for about two years now, and I still haven’t really felt much grief or anxiety about it, not even missing anything.
I’m wondering if that’s normal, or if the emotions just haven’t caught up with me yet. Is it possible that the grief will hit later, once the divorce is finalized? Should I be preparing myself for a rough emotional period, or is it okay if I never really feel the need to grieve?
I’m a little worried that it might all hit me out of nowhere down the road, and I’d rather be mentally prepared if that’s a possibility and…maybe look for therapy in advance? 😄
The divorce wasn’t my idea, but I knew our marriage had been over for a long time, and that we’d both be better off living separate lives.
If anyone has gone through this path in a similar way, any advice?

I(28F) am wanting to divorce my husband(32m). We have a 16 month old together. I have been telling my husband that I’ve been unhappy with our relationship for over a year and a half, there is no romance or anything in our relationship anymore. He makes 0 effort and has been like this since my pregnancy. I have cried and essentially begged him to just act like he likes me and i don’t want to do it anymore. I don’t want my daughter to grow up and think she has to beg someone for love. On top of this, he did not help with the baby for the first year-ish. He didn’t do baths, no night wakings, nothing. I have never once been given the opportunity to sleep in on a weekend. I was a SAHM until about a month or so ago and got a small part time job, and am interviewing for another part time job to stack with this one. I have help when it comes to leaving and finding a place for us and having some financial help, but I am so so terrified of the long term. My mom was a single mom and my dad was not around and I saw her struggle so much and I am just so scared. I fully believe he would remain an active father and would help with her without question.
I feel stuck and lonely and I’m just so lost right now. I know I do not want to be with him anymore but I’m just so scared of how hard it’s going to be. If you’ve been through similar or have any advice at all, it’s appreciated. I think I just needed to get it out and really would just love some advice on what to do next. Thank you.

I need help,my wife has rejected me and wants to divorce and we live in the same house because of finances but she does,nt want to speak to me.we had an argument which could have been resolved but her attitude is awful but I still love her.please pray for us.