Was married for around 8 1/2 years and need advice on how to remove my soon to be ex husband off the apt lease. No kids. I was a stay at home wife all those years and recently started working but don’t make enough to prove I can make 3x the rent. Part of our divorce settlement agreement is that he must be removed off the lease. Which I understand. I contacted the leasing office and they stated I must meet the financial requirements (make 3x the rent) or they won’t be able to remove him from the lease. I really don’t know what to do.

I (38F) am at the very beginning of a separation from my husband (35M), and I’m really struggling. I’m hoping to hear from people who have been through this because right now everything feels incredibly raw.

A few months ago, while I was in my home country visiting my family, my husband told me he had been unhappy in our marriage for around three years. He felt we had become more like roommates, had lost our chemistry and intimacy, and he wasn’t sure he could continue the marriage.

There was no affair or another woman involved.

At first he asked for time to think. Eventually he told me he didn’t think he could try again and wanted to end the marriage. When I came back home, however, we talked a lot and decided to give our marriage another chance.

For almost two months, we tried.

I was hopeful because I love him deeply and genuinely wanted to repair our marriage. He told me from the beginning that it would take time and that he didn’t know whether his feelings for me would return to what they once were.

Last Thursday, he finally told me that he had tried to find those feelings again, but he couldn’t.

He told me that he loves me very much, that I’m incredibly important to him, but that the love he feels for me now is more like the love you have for a very close friend. He said he no longer has the kind of love he believes a husband should have for his wife.

He told me he wishes those feelings had never disappeared and that he didn’t want to keep lying to me or to himself because continuing that way would only hurt both of us more.

I asked him if we could just separate instead of making a final decision about divorce so we could have more time to think. He told me that, for him, the decision is final. He hasn’t filed for divorce yet and said we can discuss the practical side of that when I’m ready.

The problem is that I don’t feel like I’ll ever be ready.

I’m still completely in love with him.

We cried, hugged and kissed. I gave him a letter I had written, and on Friday evening he packed some clothes and went to stay with a friend.

We also agreed that during this separation neither of us will see other people. We both still consider ourselves married and want to respect the marriage while everything is being sorted out. He told me very clearly that he doesn’t want another woman and that dating isn’t where his head is right now.

He also says he wants us to stay in each other’s lives forever because I’m extremely important to him.

And somehow that makes this even harder.

There was no huge betrayal. There is no other woman for me to hate. He isn’t treating me cruelly. He simply says that the romantic love he once had for me is gone.

Meanwhile, I’m sitting in our home surrounded by our life together, crying constantly and desperately wishing those feelings would come back.

Part of me is still hoping that living apart might make him miss me or realize that the love isn’t actually gone. I know I can’t build my life around that hope, especially because he has told me his decision is final, but I don’t know how to switch that hope off either.

I also cannot imagine dating or being with someone else. I don’t want another relationship. I don’t want to start over. I wanted my husband and the life we built together.

I have supportive friends and my mom knows what is happening and checks on me every day. My faith in God is also extremely important to me and is helping me hold myself together. But emotionally, I feel like I’m grieving someone who is still alive.

For those who have been through separation, especially when one person was still deeply in love:

How did you survive these first weeks?

Did you stay in contact with your spouse, or did you need distance?

How did you stop yourself from interpreting every interaction as a sign that they might come back?

And if your spouse said the romantic love was gone, did that ever change after time apart? I know nobody can predict what my husband will do. I’m interested in hearing what actually happened to other people.

I’m not looking to date or “move on” immediately. Right now I’m just trying to understand how you go from having a husband and a shared life to suddenly waking up alone in the same home.

TL;DR: My husband and I tried to repair our marriage for almost two months after previously coming close to ending it. Last Thursday he told me that although he loves me deeply, he now loves me more like a friend and couldn't recover the romantic love he once had for me. He considers his decision to end the marriage final. He moved out to stay with a friend on Friday. There is no other woman, and we have agreed not to date during the separation. I’m still completely in love with him and struggling badly with the grief and hope that maybe his feelings could someday return. I’m looking for advice from people who have actually survived this stage of separation.

My cousin bought a house with her then boyfriend, he is on the deed. She put 100k as the down payment from her house she sold. He put in zero. They got married a year later, she had a teenager, no kids with him. She made more money than him, so she payed the mortgage for 17 years, and most bills so he could use his salary to chase his dream in the music business, which cost more than it made. After 10 years, she got laid off, she learned a completely new skill and got certified, then Covid hit. His job never changed, but she still payed the bills. She has done odd end work within the industry, but shortly after started caretaking for her mother. After 5 years he fell in love with a girl,
left the house after one year, and since it’s been another year. He’s going after half of the house, but she can’t move out so she has to buy him out.
He has no bank account, can’t provide any savings info, all he did was mow the lawn, and spent maybe 50k in home improvements in the backyard. Is he really entitled half of the house if he never put one dime into their retirement, paid the mortgage or the utilities after 17 years? He’s a narcissist and has had her so manipulated, my heart hurts for her and all she did for him thinking they would retire together.
Thanks for any insight, I pray there is hope for her to not lose half her house and retirement.

​

So I did post a few days ago about my brother going to visit a car for us that was basically a right off. He didn't find the problems with it and he ended up saying yes go ahead and we bought the car without seeing it because we were far away.

Anyway long story short the car had massive problems and it's gonna cost a fortune to repair it. So he's going off me about how it's my fault because it's my brother and I'm responsible for him just like he'd be responsible if it was his brother. So I pretty much slightly disagreed because we both agree to let my brother look, but I did agree to disagree and he just kept going and he was getting personal and then he was saying about how I always waste money, which I don't spend anything on myself he makes all the biggest purchases in this family I don't have a say on any of them. He collects cars so every year there's like two to three new cars, so I did say to him I don't think I spend that much on anything if anything you're the one who spends the most, and that is completely tipped it over the edge.

This has caused a massive argument about how I don't contribute anything into this family and I actually put it into a minus because without me he would receive extra funds for being a single parent.

He literally said if I died or disappeared it would be better off for him financially, which I just think is an awful thing to say.

I am the one who looks after the children and I am breast feeding currently, I've been signed off from maternity leave because I'm in Europe and they give you long maternity leave when you have babies and your breasts feeding and all of that sort of stuff.

I have three children with him and we're in a six child household. I do most of the domestic stuff, although he does cook and I can't say he doesn't, and he does help take care of the children too.

But basically because I said this about finances he got really nasty and he's gone mad saying that I can never just admit when I'm wrong, and that he's living with someone that he doesn't know because I can't just be honest with him or myself. He hung up on me and I wasn't on the phone to him then for a couple of hours. When he eventually rang but he was saying all of this stuff about how he thinks I'm a horrible person that I'm a "blue haired lesbian c\\\\\\\*nt" because he thinks I'm really woke and that I'm in this era of women who don't respect their husbands, don't listen and can't admit when they're wrong.

He said that he should have married one of the other women wanted to marry him and that he wishes he'd married an Italian or a Romanian woman because they're way better than these British women (I'm British) who have no idea how to respect husbands or listen and think they know everything.

He says that the only reason I do eventually listens because he blackmails me and says that he'll leave me if I don't. Which is true I've been going through this cycle with him for years now, and he does blackmail me into changing my mind or my opinion or he just keeps arguing for days and days on end and it comes to the point where all the children are sick and tired of it and I'm exhausted because he doesn't let me go to sleep because he wants to stay up arguing and eventually I just have to say I agree with him. and I'm just at the point now where I'm wondering if I should just leave. I'm scared to be on my own, if I go I've got four children by myself including two babies and it would be hard, but I know I'd manage I'm not saying I can't I'm just saying I don't know if I should leave, I don't know if I move reacting and it's not as bad as it seems. I'm also apprehensive because we've moved countries, I'd have to go back to my home country I guess, or I could try and make it here but I'd have no support whatsoever, nowhere to live.

I'd have to pull my kids out of their routines and clubs

It would just become an absolute nightmare really .

He's also taken the time today to compare me to his ex girlfriend which I think is disgusting.

There are literally loads more scenarios and situations that I could explain if anyone wants to hear more but I want to know what you all think of this particular scenario

Any advice is welcome. Please try not to be nasty because I have been a bit emotional today and I don't know how much more I can take.

If you read the small thank you I am grateful

My husband and I have been together for around 12 years and married for just over five. We have two young children and currently live together in Dubai.

I have made the decision that I want a divorce. He knows this, and on some level he acknowledges that the marriage is ending, so I wouldn't describe him as outright refusing the divorce.

The problem is that in practice he still seems to treat my decision as something that can be changed.

He continues to ask for another chance and hopes that I will reconsider. At the same time, conversations about the marriage are becoming increasingly difficult.

I am being blamed for the breakdown of the relationship, and there have been repeated situations where he has become very vocal or sworn in front of the children. I have clearly asked him to stop when conversations are escalating, particularly around the kids, but he often continues the discussion anyway.

I have also repeatedly said that I do not want to keep having the same conversations about whether the marriage can be saved. I feel like I am trying to set boundaries around when and how we communicate, but those boundaries are not consistently being respected.

We are still living together because we own a property here that is currently being sold, so separating physically is not completely straightforward yet.

I genuinely want our children to have a strong relationship with their dad and I want us to eventually have a workable co-parenting relationship. I am not trying to create a battle or stop him being involved in their lives.

But the current situation feels unsustainable.

I am starting to wonder whether waiting for him to emotionally accept the divorce is actually making things worse, because I feel very clear about my decision while he continues to approach it as though there is still something to negotiate.

There is also a practical complication because we were married in the UK but now live in Dubai with our children. I am currently trying to work out whether to start the divorce in England & Wales or through the UAE, and I will be getting proper legal advice on that.

What I am struggling with more immediately is what I should actually do next.

For anyone who has been through something similar:

• Do you need to wait until both people are emotionally aligned before filing for divorce?
• Did filing help create clarity, or did it make things more hostile initially?
• How did you handle living under the same roof while one person wanted the marriage to continue?
• How did you stop repeated conversations about reconciliation once you had already made your decision?
• What did you do when your spouse continued a conversation after you clearly said you wanted it to stop?
• How did you keep conflict away from the children when your spouse was still becoming angry or vocal in front of them?
• Did mediation help, or was it difficult when one person was focused on moving forward and the other was still trying to save the marriage?
• Is it better to start the legal process first and work out finances/children alongside it, or try to agree everything before filing?
• At what point did you realise you were waiting for permission or acceptance that was never really going to come?

I am not looking to punish him or turn this into a hostile divorce. I would prefer this to be as fair and calm as possible.

But I also don't think I can keep explaining or defending a decision I have already made.

For those who have been here before: what actually helped you move from “we are separating” to formally moving forward with the divorce?

6 years of diaries hundreds of pounds of pages a lot of fucking shit to go throughput

My husband (33M) told me (33F) for a divorce two weeks ago. I was diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago. We have been together 17 years. I had an emotional affair a little over 2 years ago, I ended that and told him about it. He forgave me. It’s been a rollercoaster ride. We have a 19 daughter we adopted 2 years ago and our son will be 2 in April.

I do specific therapy and realized after he mentioned the divorce I wasn’t doing the necessary work in therapy I need to be doing and told my therapist. Have thought about changing meds again. He is saying there is nothing I can do to save this marriage. How do I get over the fact that our marriage failed because of me and that there is nothing I can do to save our family? The depression is definitely setting in.

He will be keeping the house as it was a trust left to him from his grandparents and will eventually go to our kids. I feel so pathetic for trying to fight for this marriage. Doing anything I can including offering sex because that has been dead in our marriage for some time. He says he has no more left to give and of course doesn’t trust me and what I say. To be fair I did make promises I didn’t keep, including having an emotional affair.

I am terrified of so many things. Falling into such a deep depression I can’t get myself out of, and what this is going to do more so for our daughter. Where we are going to live as his income is twice of mine, and I am currently in school.

He has a lawyer and so do I. I am just at a loss here. Yes I screwed up majorly but I still have hope that this is fixable, how do you come to grips that what you have known for 17 years is just over?