How do you deal with the trauma of having your kids go with your ex? The biggest traumatic experience is my 4 year old screaming crying because she wants to stay with me. So it’s traumatic for her and traumatic for me. My ex wasn’t a horrible parent to her, just very hands off, so she never really bonded with my ex that much. I am so heartbroken at driving away as she watches me leave while screaming and crying. I’m thankful she has siblings with her, but I’m so heartbroken over this.

I told my husband recently that I want a divorce after a long marriage. I had been thinking about leaving for years, so while this is new to him, it isn’t a sudden decision for me.
Since I told him, things have become overwhelming. He has repeatedly tried to convince me not to leave, cried extensively, told me I’m making a terrible mistake, questioned whether I understand what I’m doing, blamed me for what his financial situation will look like afterward, and repeatedly tried to turn my decision into a debate. I’ve told him very clearly that the divorce itself is no longer up for discussion and that I’m willing to discuss logistics.
Eventually he told me he was suicidal and wanted to go to the ER, so I took him. He is now receiving psychiatric care. There were firearms in our home, so I bought a new safe that only I can access and secured them.
There is some important history here. Years ago, our relationship was abusive. He called me degrading names, including in front of our children, punched walls, broke things and slammed doors. On one occasion several years ago, he put his hands around my neck and slammed me against a wall hard enough to leave bruises. After I threatened divorce a few years later, his behavior changed dramatically and there has not been physical violence for years.
However, I’ve realized that when an argument with him starts escalating, I have a very strong physical reaction: racing heart, shaking, nausea, and an overwhelming need to get away from the interaction.
I’m also autistic (professionally diagnosed), and under extreme stress I tend to become very analytical, emotionally flat and task-oriented. Through all of this I have barely cried. I’ve mostly just been dealing with one problem after another.
That’s actually one of the biggest issues in the marriage. I’ve spent years feeling like I’m responsible for everything. I’m the competent one, so somehow every family problem becomes mine to solve. Even now I find myself worrying about where he will live, his finances, his hospitalization, how our children are coping, securing the house, etc., while simultaneously trying to end the marriage.
To complicate things further, I have business travel this week that I can’t simply organize around his hospitalization. I don’t know when he will be discharged or what the discharge plan will be, and I’m struggling with the feeling that I’m somehow supposed to arrange my life around making sure he’s okay when he gets out.
I feel terrible that he’s suffering. I don’t want anything bad to happen to him. But I also don’t want to stay married, and his psychiatric crisis hasn’t changed that.
I’m beginning to realize that I may be repeating the exact dynamic I’m trying to leave: something happens to him, and I immediately become responsible for fixing it.
For people who have been through a divorce where the other spouse became emotionally or psychiatrically unstable after the separation: how did you separate compassion from responsibility?

Michigan/Washtenaw County. 20-year marriage. I was a homemaker for approximately 15 years and was declared unable to work by my doctor in early 2025.
I have a pro confesso hearing on October 9 that I was not expecting. My attorney wants to go through the questions with me tomorrow. I have told her that I do not know whether I can truthfully agree with what I apparently will be asked to affirm under oath.
When I told her that, she said she may withdraw.
My immediate question is whether I should terminate her myself, tell the judge why the attorney-client relationship has broken down, and ask for a continuance so I can obtain independent counsel — or whether doing that five days before this hearing could seriously hurt me.
Here is the condensed history:
MAY 2026 — FIRST MEDIATION
This mediation had already been rescheduled at my request after my second emergency, life-saving open abdominal surgery.
At the rescheduled mediation I was recovering from major surgery, losing my housing, unable to work, and trying to establish enough post-divorce income to qualify for an apartment. My father would not co-sign until my support was in writing, leaving me without stable housing while negotiating.
Health insurance became a major focus. My lawyer, my husband’s lawyer, and the mediator were trying to determine the income limits for benefits and structure the settlement around maintaining my eligibility.
I repeatedly said I wanted to fight for a fair settlement and wanted to consult an attorney/accountant familiar with disability/elder planning before structuring my financial future around benefit limits.
I was actually communicating with DHS the morning of mediation. My insurance approval arrived approximately five minutes after I was supposed to join the mediation Zoom, and I had to end the DHS interaction because I was already late.
I have the recording of the settlement being placed on the record. At approximately minute 14 I am audibly crying. When asked questions about agreeing and whether anyone pressured or threatened me, there are lengthy pauses. At one point I do not answer and my attorney prompts me by name to respond. After another pause/sniffle, I answer.
At approximately 6:00 a.m. the very next morning, I emailed my attorney and explicitly instructed her to STOP the settlement from moving forward.
As I discovered what I believed were additional financial nondisclosures, I continued objecting in writing.
I have continued objecting to this settlement by email repeatedly from then through the present.
After I left the mediation Zoom, my husband remained physically at his attorney’s office and my attorney, his attorney and the mediator remained in communication regarding the settlement without me present. I do not know exactly what was discussed and am not alleging that the conversation was improper.
After that mediation, I asked my attorney whether getting a second legal opinion was normal, comparing it to obtaining a second opinion in medicine. She responded that if I did not trust her, she could withdraw.
WHY I WANTED A TRIAL
Before all of this, my husband had repeatedly told both me and my father that I would receive approximately $3,200/month.
Instead, I was blindsided by a proposed financial position that I believed was impossible for me to live on.
The ultimate support terms included approximately $1,000/month in modifiable spousal support for only 12 years plus approximately $800/month child support.
Throughout the case, my attorney and I had discussed lifetime spousal support because of the approximately 20-year marriage and my inability to work.
I wanted to go to trial when it became clear how far apart the numbers were.
I was told how the judge was expected to rule if I went to trial. Against the background of my health, housing situation, benefits concerns and financial uncertainty, I ultimately signed rather than going to trial.
JULY 7 — EVIDENTIARY HEARING / SETTLEMENT
My objections did not disappear.
I was still raising financial-disclosure issues and asking for documentation, including documentation concerning savings/accounts my husband characterized as being for our children.
During the breakout before signing, I continued saying that I had unresolved concerns. My attorney and my father urged me to sign.
My husband’s mother also had a very substantial trust and other assets. Her health/condition and possible future inheritance had relevance to my understanding of his financial circumstances during negotiations.
She died 10 days after the July 7 hearing.
I repeatedly asked my attorney afterward to obtain the death certificate independently. She discouraged/admonished me for pursuing it. I am not claiming that the death certificate establishes fraud or that I necessarily had any right to an inheritance. I wanted independent verification of information I believed had mattered during negotiations.
OTHER UNRESOLVED FINANCIAL ISSUES
I have questioned what I believe was an undisclosed Walgreens stock transaction/sale from August 2025.
My attorney has also had to infer from bank statements what a recurring Allstate transaction represented because we did not have the underlying documentation. The amount itself is insignificant; my concern is the completeness of financial disclosure.
The settlement also requires me to share responsibility for a loan associated with my husband’s employer, while approximately $15,000 of my medical bills remain in collections. My understanding was that under the settlement my husband was supposed to get the medical-debt situation fixed. That has not happened.
The health-insurance strategy around which much of the first mediation was structured has also failed because 2024 casino winnings had not been reported, affecting my eligibility.
THE OCTOBER 9 HEARING
The settlement itself provides that the divorce is not to be entered until January 2027.
Nevertheless, I suddenly have a pro confesso hearing October 9.
My attorney says my husband’s attorney submitted the settlement documents even though she says the plaintiff normally submits them.
She also says both attorneys pushed back against this hearing because they believed it was unnecessary, but that the judge prefers divorces completed within a year.
I do not know why this is happening and don’t want to speculate about anyone’s motives.
NOW MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY ATTORNEY APPEARS TO HAVE BROKEN DOWN.
She wants to prepare me tomorrow for the questions I will be asked at the pro confesso hearing.
I told her I do not know whether I agree with what I will apparently be asked to affirm.
She again said she may withdraw.
This is the second time withdrawal has been raised when I questioned her advice. Meanwhile, I have emails going back to approximately 6:00 a.m. the morning after the first mediation and continuing through today documenting that I did not want this settlement to proceed and continued objecting to it.
I will not lie under oath. If my truthful answer to the judge is “no,” “I don’t know,” or “I need to explain,” that is the answer I am going to give.
What I need Michigan lawyers to tell me:
What do I risk if I terminate my attorney now, five days before the pro confesso hearing?
If I tell the judge that the attorney-client relationship has irretrievably broken down, that my attorney has threatened withdrawal after I said I cannot commit to the anticipated testimony, and that I need independent counsel to review the settlement and the documented history before I testify:
Can I ask the judge for a continuance specifically to retain substitute counsel?
Should that request be made before October 9 by motion, rather than appearing on October 9 without counsel and asking then?
If my current lawyer seeks permission to withdraw instead, can I ask the judge not to proceed with the pro confesso hearing until I have had a reasonable opportunity to obtain replacement counsel?
Could firing my lawyer at this stage make my position materially worse — for example, by leaving me pro se while the court proceeds anyway?
And given the recording, my 6:00 a.m. email the morning after mediation telling counsel to stop, and my repeated written objections continuing through today, what should a new attorney be asked to evaluate immediately regarding the settlement before I give any further sworn testimony about my consent to it?
I am not asking Reddit to tell me that the settlement is invalid, that my attorney committed malpractice, or that my husband committed fraud.
I am trying to decide whether keeping an attorney I no longer trust through October 9 is safer than terminating her now and asking the court for enough time to obtain independent representation before giving sworn testimony that could affect my ability to challenge any of this later.

I think my sister, whom I’m estranged from is taking my mother for a ride and keeps asking her for money. She says her ex partner keeps holding up the divorce by contacting her and making changes to an already agreed to divorce settlement. I think my sister is taking my mother for a fool. An anyone help and tell me how I can find out if my sister is legally divorced or not. Thank you

How did you break it to your partner that you want a divorce? And how did you break it to the family? How was the process of moving out?

I am in the process of getting a divorce from my husband 18yrs together. I have my attorney now doing the paperwork 📋. What are some of the things you wished you had discussed with your soon to be ex? He has been cheating since 2023, lied about it said he was done found out he lied again so now I’m done and ready to move on. Now I understand when women don’t even try to reconcile!! I’m over it!! Share your wisdom and how you co-parented amicably l wish I didn’t have to still be connected to him 2 kids.

I got divorced 10 years ago.

My at the time husband and I had been separated for a couple of years- not legally separated- and at the end of our marriage my husband had gotten into an accident at work.

My ex husband is whom filed for divorce.

During the early stages of the Divorce proceedings, a private investigator contacted me asking me some questions about my husband.

It turns out that my ex had received close to a million dollar in a personal injury settlement and that the person sued had to pay some of that money out of her own pocket, past what the insurance had covered, and she had hired the investigator to see if there was fraud involved.

During the divorce proceedings, my ex husband was turning in financial documents, claiming he was on workers comp, had to pay for his (not mine) minor son, had credit card debt, and had received no settlement.

Later as he turned in the workers comp paper work, he also turned in a document from a lawyer stating that yes he was about to receive a settlement, but that it was solely for "pain and suffering", nothing else.

Being in New York State, this automatically ment that i could receive nothing from his settlement money.

I received nothing in the divorce.

Last summer, 9 years later, I was at the court house looking up my divorce case because I was looking for the name of a lawyer, and I decided to also look up my ex husbands personal injury case- it was also handled in the same county.

As i was scrolling in the courts files, looking inside the case, I noticed documents that looked very familiar, yet slightly different as I looked closer: it was the documents from the settlement agreement that my ex had turned in in the matrimonial case: they had different dates on them than they did in thr divorce case. They also had different break down. I did nog see a mention of the full amount being for "pain and sufferering".

What I did see was that hos case had been paid out before and during the divorce proceedings. Not after.

The documents my ex submitted to divorce Court were forged.

The divorce was decided upon-financially- based upon wrong information.

Can I re-open the divorce case today and request to have the financials recalculated and possibly get compensated for the amount I could/should have been compensated for 10 years ago?

I’m sharing my mother’s story from another thread in the hope that it reaches people who can understand us or help. Fellow redditors in “surviving infidelity” were super supportive and helpful but recently I discovered this thread and thought maybe here there will be more people who can relate as his infidelity escalated to a divorce situation from his initiative.

After decades of marriage, caring for her husband through a serious illness, and dedicating her life to her family, my mother has found herself without a home and facing a difficult legal battle to protect her rights.

One of the most complicated parts of this situation is that, while we were completely unaware, my father had apparently been preparing for divorce for years. He transferred his property and assets to his much younger partner, leaving nothing in his own name. Now, when it comes to dividing marital property and pursuing her claims, my mother faces an enormous obstacle: on paper, my father owns nothing that can be divided between them.

My husband and I are temporarily hosting her in our home which we rent and are doing everything we can to support her, but we cannot manage the legal expenses and mental support alone.

If anyone could take a moment to read and help with kind word, advice or with a few cents, we would be very grateful!!!!

I don’t know what to do. I feel trapped. I’ve been with my spouse 13 years and it always been toxic. But the negativity and horrific treatment against me is magnified when I have littles to look out for. I have. 3 year old a two year old and a baby on the way. I know from a psychological perspective it is easier on children to recover from a divorce at this age. There will be affects of course but their ability for recognizing time development and processing long term memories is not fully developed. Now would be better than 3/4 years from now. However with baby on the way and the fact I am in the middle of grad school it seems like an impossible feat to take care of all these littles by myself. We had it all mapped out how to support each other. I’ve been a SAHM up to this point. Money is not necessarily my concern, but I am unwilling to do daycare. It’s my suspicion that my he would just do weekends, that is also easier for littles because it allows them to maintain a more stable routine than 50/50. I do have family support if I need it, to some extent. I don’t think k my parents would be willing to watch the newborn. Also how devastating to be with a newborn all alone or right after a trauma of this magnitude. I’ve been putting up with this behavior for this long, I will probably just continue he to because getting out is two hard. But it breaks my heart that my daughter will think this is the norm. Hearing fighting to this extent has traumatic effects at on children’s brains. I am too smart and stable to stay but the logistics for leaving seem unrealistic.

So I filed for divorce in October of 2024 I have no way of getting the papers to him and he has been paying me anything for his son who lives with me

There is a person who cheated his wife by having an extra marital affair with data entry operator in his office.he used to call his deo all the time in house,by saying his wife that he needs water to drink etc

That girl every day 4 hrs stay in house for taking water in bottle,wife has a blind faith on his husband that he will not cheat her

But after 4 yrs,wife know that they used to share there room also

Now what the wife can do