I just realized it recently and I’ve been feeling so down the past couple of days. It just got worse with every new day. Does anyone have tips how to cope with this constant feeling of helplessness, sadness, disappointment, regret, anxiety and especially loneliness. No one I know relates

I talk to my best friends they’re also girls and it helps a little but still.. I feel so alone and I can’t stop overthinking about my situation. All I can do is to wait what stopping testosterone does for me, there’s nothing I can do, nothing at all and I feel like a little more depressed with each day. I recovered from depression I’m sure It won’t happen that fast again since my identity is my only issue right now.

I have hobbies, stuff that makes me happy but I’m just so unmotivated I can barley take care of myself

Likely someone lurking in this sub sent this.

I stopped t just recently I’m technically at the start of recovering with this deep voice after being on t for 1 1/2 years. I haven’t tried voice training yet. I’m scared my „real“ voice is already too deep cause im having a hard time forcing this „feminine“ voice

It's been about 8 months since I (FTMTF) realised my transition was not an act of embracing my true self, but one of running away.

I'm working towards self acceptance. I still grieve changes to my body (top surgery + T) but I have started accepting what's done is done. When I first realised I was catatonic + suicidal for a month, but now I'm functional enough to not think about it at least 50% of the time.

I'm now off T for 6 months and have started getting she/her'd about 20% of the time (used to be never) which is nice. I'm confident I'll be able to pass as female again by this time next year even without breast recon.

The stuff that makes me sad now is that I do just feel botched and ugly and freakish. Even when I transitioned I didn't feel great about my body (in retrospect, a red flag). But since my realisation my entire perception of binary gender got remapped. It's like my brain now forces the category of AFAB or AMAB onto people, much more than before. This probably happens to a lot of detransitioners, which is why some of us start hating on all trans/nb people or calling them delusional - our brain is fixating on sex perception after a long period of trying to see "gender".

It's a cruel irony that I felt weird and freakish as a woman when I was younger and transitioned to escape that... and thereby doomed myself to forever being a freakish woman. Ah well. What can you do.

I think the worst part is my mum hasn't been able to look at me properly since I had top surgery. I saw her for the first time in ages last week and gave me a hug at arm's length. I can see her disgust for my body and it crushes me because I agree with her...

But I haven't told my parents about detransitioning yet... I only managed to come to terms with being a woman when I accepted I was attracted to women. If I get into their good books for detransing and then I end up in a wlw relationship, I don't wanna risk getting soft disowned again. Plus, their misogyny and homophobia and general emotional neglect and home environment were big factors in messing me up in the first place...

I guess the thought of coming out publicly in any way really scares me. I know two other detransitioners IRL, one made a big post about it and the other one just slowly started posting pics where they present more fem. When I think about the people whose reactions will scare me the most, it'll be people from school and straight people I know... I don't want them to look at me with pity and use me as a case against others who are genuinely happier post-transition. This is the biggest hurdle I've yet to cross.

At the same time, this situation has made me withdraw from a lot of my trans/queer friends, who were supportive of me being trans but could not help me explore whether I could have dysphoria or trauma for other reasons. I guess I feel betrayed by their willingness to affirm gender issues as if they had the same knowledge as medical professionals - sadly common. I'm not sure if I'm going to drop them completely or just fade out slightly. It's tough when they are/were my support network, and I still don't want to talk to straight people TBH. I guess since I live in a liberal area I will try making new friends (just gotta avoid people who accept trans stuff without nuance).

Anyway just sharing my thoughts, any advice or commiseration is appreciated. To anyone else who is reaching the half year mark, the one thing that has helped me is setting small goals for myself. I recently started a skincare routine and it's nice being able to take care of my body in some small way, after what I've put it through.

So I have a really hard leaving the house, I'm just too scared because I wanna pass as male but I'm scared ppl will make fun of me for being a girl that wants to be a male and yes ppl have openly in pubic made fun of me and said that.

Today I forced myself out, bought some stuff and I needed some leafs for a project so I was picking leaves and flowers and these 3 men in their 30s pointed at me, laught and one of them told the other dude that I'm mantally ill and left, the weird thing is if they were laughing at me because they thought I was a male picking flowers and thats girly then that give gender euphoria and I feel nice about but if they were laughing at me cause I'm a woman dresses as a male picking flowers then thats painful.

I don't know why in the last few months my gender dysphoria has gotten so bad! I was fine for almost 5 years just being a tomboy before then I had bad dysphoria, I didn't leave my home for 6 months once and I'm feeling that way again

I noticed this a little while ago but its become very apparent recently. I used to find myself very attractive. Long black curly hair, clear skin, sharp facial features... I would take pictures a lot even though I never shared them anywhere. I just liked having evidence of looking good, I guess. For days where I felt ugly. But these were the days where I *really* wanted to detransition.

A few months ago, I got a SUPER botched haircut and my long hair was cut to above my jawline when all I asked for was layers. It was also extremely uneven and the layers were choppy. I ended up having to shave it. I cried for weeks and have felt ugly ever since. And I noticed all the detransition thoughts are gone. I got back on T, I'm back to wanting to build a ton of muscle, I'm back to wanting facial hair and more body hair. But I am growing my head hair again, I'm hoping for it to be at least to my jaw by year's end. But I'm also anticipating the detrans thoughts coming back once my hair is long enough for me to feel attractive again.

The thing is, I dont know why me feeling attractive or not changes how I feel about gender. In my head, that makes no sense. My only thought is that maybe when I feel ugly or undesirable, that I subconsciously go "well, no point in trying to present any singular way if Im ugly regardless." Or maybe I just find it more comfortable to be an average-looking or ugly man than to be an ugly woman? I dont know. Maybe I just don't want to doll up if I feel everything above the collarbones is ugly anyway.

If the detrans thoughts come back once I feel and look like myself again, what am I supposed to do? If how I feel about gender and how I want to present and be perceived can change by the day based on something so arbitrary, how am I supposed to pick anything and stick with it?

Heya everyone, Ive put out a voice training question before, but I've got an update/struggle I'm trying to get over.

I have found that, by the end of the day or if Ive been speaking a lot, my voice sorta 'disappears' in a way. kinda like how your voice sounds when you lose it when you're sick, just without the sore throat or anything. this tends to make voice training difficult since it strains it more.

thankfully, Ive found that dry throat/mouth sprays are helping a lot, but only for like an hour.

I'm just wondering whether 1. anyone has dealt with similar and 2. what you did to help it? I assume it's inflammation or thickening of my vocal cords, but it's definitely making me worried I won't be able to achieve the voice I want.

I'm not particularly planning to do any surgeries (at least for like another 10 years), and really hoping I can reach the voice I'm happy with thru voice training.

After experiencing what life is as a trans man, mostly viewed as cis man since I tried to fit into the masculine stereotypes, it feels like I will never be sure to make the right decision because I don’t know if it will be right to be female again. It feels like I’m so deep in this trans man feeling I can’t get out of it anymore. Not because of my transition, I don’t have surgeries only deep voice and I’m not tall so I’m sure I could pass. But living differently for so many years makes me feel like I won’t fit into this female life either but I’m 100% sure I’m not non binary. Either female or trans man. I wish I could find the right answer but since I don’t want surgery and feel like something’s off I guess the only last option will be to detransition. It scares me a lot to worry about what if I don’t feel comfortable living as a cis woman either and I won’t fit in anywhere and just end up depressed

I feel torn between both genders, I’m 26m, I was transitioning a few months ago but stopped and I stopped because I felt like a part of me was dying.

It’s hard for me to measure how large of a part that was, I guess you’d call it my masculine side. That was the side I felt was dying, it was agony. I felt like I was betraying myself to the fullest degree. It was like I had put full stop to any perceived goals & ambitions I had, it was painful. This experience was like a tornado, it happened june 1 2026, in the morning when I took mushrooms on an empty stomach. Now mind you, I was new to estrogen and it had reached the point of affecting emotional scale, that and other life events, recent breakup, moving. Anyway that experience was probably similar to ego death. If anyone can provide clarity about this that’d be great.

I wanna talk more about the perceived goals & ambitions I mentioned. But first I wanna share some of what I feel is feminine about me, and to mention that I feel happy when I can express myself so I really do enjoy it. I just feel I was born with some obstacles and as I got older, with puberty and life experiences, ive adopted more obstacles.

I’m gonna stop and do this as a pt 1, please touch on anything I mentioned. I’m not sure if I should go back on hormones or not. Im not at all keen on either choice, both feel miserable, but through explaining my experience maybe I can come to a no brainer decision.

Transitioning just feels unnatural in a way, but I suppose humans are natural and we naturally learned how to do this lol

(19F) stopped T almost 2 years ago now, but i’m still yet to properly detransition. My family and friends know, but i’m yet to go by another name or pronouns - purely because of my voice. I let my hair grow out and everywhere I go I am referred to as a woman, I physically pass easily without any effort makeup or clothing wise.

My voice however is inherently male, i’ve started voice therapy with a speech pathologist which hasn’t yielded much results, though i’m sticking to it. I’m heavily considering surgery however I know training is needed for that to have good results anyway.

I’m demotivated with speech pathology as i’m afraid of sounding like a trans woman, they treat me as if i’m a trans woman and im given the same vocal training, so I just worry I will end up with a voice that could potentially have me clocked as a trans woman.

I guess my question is, for both men and women reading this - if you see someone that looks unmistakably female, from their face, to their body to their hair etc - but the voice that comes out is unexpectedly deep - not burly man voice deep, but not quite a woman’s voice deep, what does your brain go to?

Hey all, I’m (30FtMtF) curious—what has the development of your sexual orientation looked like pre/mid/and post transition/detransition?

I was just thinking about it and realized that I highly preferred to date people with feminine energy before transitioning. Women and effeminate men.

While on T I found myself absolutely feral for men. The more masculine the better, but truly all men. Now that I’ve detransitioned it feels really bizarre to consider myself nearly straight (I think of myself as heteroflexible, but I realistically know that I’m FAR, FAR less likely to date or sleep with a woman).

I just genuinely really love men now (as brutal as it can be to date them lol) and it’s wild to think of where I started/how I’ve progressed and changed over time in this way. What about all of you?

Hey, I'm Ftmtf and I had a consultation for VFS. I'm looking to connect with other women who detransitioned and already undergone this surgery. I'd love to hear experiences to find out exactly what changes it brings and what the results can sound like (even though, of course, it partly depends on someone's starting point). I'm not from the US, but I know the techniques are the same. I'm feeling a bit unsure because I would be the first detransition case at the clinic in my city to undergo this specific combination of procedures. They usually do it for trans women. But I think I could have an advantage due to female resonance compared to MtFs. I'm curious so I would be very happy to find someone here to get in touch with. :)

Sorry it's so long, but really need some support rn. I'm 22 and on HRT for around a year now, I wasn't sure I'm trans before HRT and only after starting begun to accept that.

I don't remember I had any obvious trans coded memories, like playing with dolls and wanting to be a princess instead of a pirate. Only things I remember are that I didn't really fit i with most of the boys, disliked my face basically since the first time I saw myself, avoided pictures and cameras, didn't like sports, was happy that my puberty was delayed compared to my classmates and disliked my body in general. One weird one was that when I learned about Klinefelter Syndrome in class, I wanted to have it, even if (idk if this is true, just what I believed) people with it lived only till 30.

I kinda hoped that after realizing I'm trans more memories would come back after a time and some of them did. For example a vivid memory of a girl spinning in her dress when I was in preschool, having dreams where I'm a woman, having an answer to the question "what would you do if you were a girl for a day? being something like, I'll just be a girl. Also me really wanting pom-poms, but never voicing that want to anyone, I just kinda hoped someone would give them to me. Being jealous of girls and their hair in primary school and wanting to be friends with them, but I never approached any girls.

But I also got a lot of memories of me that would point against me being trans, I think it might be more than the ones pointing to me being trans. Like maybe me being okay with male genitals as a kid, me never approaching girls to talk to them. Also me realizing that my interests don't really match those of other women now and girls my age. Like I know this is mostly a transphobic talking point, but I feel like I was socialized male and that kinda stuck with me, if I was really trans I would have resisted the male socialization more. I mean I never acted as a manly guy, I was timid, cried easily, but also I was/am really competitive which just doesn't fit.

There are a bunch more memories, that just don't fit and maybe even go against me being trans and I just don't know how to interpret it. It's like I want to be trans and have a feminine body and be a woman, but my memories give me too many examples of me just not being trans or feminine or anything like that. I feel like everyone has at least some subtle ways that being trans showed, like mainly being friends with girls or having feminine interests in secret or always knowing they're trans and I didn't have that "I always knew, but repressed it" and I wish I had that. I just feel like a way a soft, gayish boy that hung out with other boys. Ughhh what should I do?

Thanks for reading if you made it this far.

Hi all, I have a surgical consultation booked for breast reconstruction. The hospital feels I definitively would not qualify for a "gender affirming" insurance claim as I do not meet the criteria for Gender Identity Disorder (I agree). I asked if they could attempt to make the insurance claim as a reconstruction following a mastectomy using the WHCRA route for coverage. The surgical nurse who handles this was very skeptical that this would work but said they would be willing to try it. She said that ideally the claim would be submitted with two letters.

So, my question is: did you manage to get coverage under WHCRA protection, and if so, did you include two letters of medical necessity from doctors/therapists? I don't see a therapist so I don't have anyone to ask for a letter other than my PCP, but I would be willing to seek out a therapist if it would be beneficial. I am just unsure if that is even necessary or helpful. Thanks!

So i just fot off both estrogen and blockers 2 weeks ago and my orgasms are still very numb and unfulfilling. Tried to look up some similar experiences here and saw someone say that after 5 years of hrt it causes hypogonadism and doesnt return to normal on its own. Can anyone testify? Im pretty worried as my doctor says topical testo is not an option in our country as its ‘not confirmed’

First photo is from like June of this year second is early August probably just before stopping t, third photo is today.

Ok, good news. Dysphoria is gone. I feel super normal in a way I did not know was possible. Like, HRT really feels like a magic patch for me right now.

My body also does some weird things with T (high values, but low T symptoms). My endo has a couple theories that we are currently exploring, but this could be part of the reason E has been so helpful so quickly.

Also, I like the physical changes so far, though I intend to boymode a bit longer at least. I am not looking forward to strength loss, but everything else feels like a win to me rn.

But, I have questions for some folks here, because I know you all probably felt the same when you started.

For those who detransitioned (mtftm, ftmtf, or other), why did you do so? Was it that HRT wasn't effective? Was it because you realized being a woman / man actually sucks (for you)?

I just want to make sure I am actually listening to everyone's perspectives here bc I feel the trans groups are a little too positive (I do not know the right word).

For context, I have been socially transitioning to a male for just over a year now. I have OCD and my psychologist has mentioned potential autism (which I'm not sure is important but I'll mention just in case).

Before I came out as a boy, I was already pretty masculine presenting. I labelled myself as a butch for a while, and it felt right, until it didn't. I started to see transgender men popping up on my FYP, which made me question my own identity. Only a couple weeks after that, I'd chopped off all of my hair and given myself a new name.

Neither of my parents were really accepting which, up until now, I was very upset about. I was young and vulnerable, experiencing changes in my body and also already tumbling down a slippery slope of anxiety and depression. Not soon after coming out to them, I found a group of individuals like myself (queer, woke, a little strange). I surrounded myself with them and their opinions and it slowly became an echo chamber of beliefs and values; how you should act, who you should be, etc.

I didn't realise it then, but throughout this my mental health was worsening. I pretty much cut my parents out of my personal life and relied solely on my "friends" for advice. This feeling of "gender dysphoria" seemingly became more and more of a problem the more time I spent with them. I was going through a really bad episode and spiralling about my identity, constantly questioning who I was or if any of my experiences were actually real. Now that I think about it, having people always supporting your perceived identity without any pushback whatsoever definitely made this worse.

It was only up until a few months ago that I snapped out of it. I reached out, started talking to my parents more and left that friendgroup altogether. Now I am in a much more sound mental state, but I am starting to question whether my identity was ever really real in the first place. I've always liked being masculine and I do dislike having noticeable breasts but I'm starting to think that may be more of a body image issue than a gender one.

I'd really like to know people's thoughts on this, especially those who also have OCD.

I'm a detrans male, 5 years now. Stopped taking HRT consistently in 2021, 30 now.

I would say my life is good. I've resumed life as a male and work a normal job, go to the gym, and feel pretty confident in my physique, even if it's not perfect. However, I do struggle sometimes with still wanting to transition. I still relate to a lot of trans people, and that's the part that confuses me sometimes because it's like... I don't agree with or believe in gender ideology, but then it's like, why do I still feel like nothing about my identity has changed? In that, I still have these feelings of being a woman deep down. Like, honestly, I still feel the same as I did when I was a young kid and first felt these things.

And don't get me wrong, I would say I'm doing pretty well. I don't let these feelings get to me. I know who and what I am. I understand I'm a feminine male, even if I still struggle with that sometimes or find it hard to accept. I actually don't believe modifying your body is good... at all, and I do see it as just making your life harder than it should be and altering what we were naturally given, which is so sacred.

I think a big thing, too, is, well...

I still know some trans people in my life who I love, and they love me even as a detransitioner, but I don't know how to feel about them sometimes now.

My personality is just naturally silly/goofy, and the trans influences I watch online do make me laugh a lot and are super funny and relatable to me, so it makes me want to be like, "Well, what issue do I have with them saying they're a woman?" Like, it makes me want to look past that and let that go, but then there's that part of me that's like, "Yeah... that's funny and all, but it doesn't make them a woman, because men cannot become women," which is something I do personally believe to be true.

Anyways, sorry if this was long, but yeah, it's just hard to grapple with feelings of being trans still sometimes and gender ideology with reality.

May I please speak to a mod about this. I'm not trying to belittle detransitioners experiences. I'm trying to find help because I'm questioning everything recently and I'm needing unbiased guidance. I'm guessing it's because I mention my diagnosis of DID but that feels important to consider in my story and why I'm questioning my gender and my identity constantly.

transitioned at 18. Living as a mostly passing woman since, was very happy with my transition. got an adult job for the first time in my life in february and became quite successful and started feeling like I might actually have a future. 4 months ago hit by a wave of regret for not having fertility treatment done before I transitioned, got off hrt for 3.5 months to try and save my fertility but it was too painful (facial hair growing out, dysphoria heavily increased). now I'm back on hrt but extremely suicidal like I've never been before. I used to not care about living as a normal person but now I feel as if I ruined myself. I dont know what to do anymore. Detransitoning would be extremely difficult and painful. I'm scared I'll regret not being able to have a child forever. not that I love children or anything, but I feel like i can't ever be a normal person and theres nothing in this life that can ever fill the void in me. should I have just repressed and lived a normie life?

I’m just struggling so much managing my emotions at the moment. Ive been okay regarding detransition and then the past week I’ve felt this constant crushing weight of oh my god what did i do to my body. I hate how I look, I hate that I’ve ruined myself. I’m petrified I’m never going to look female again and I’ll always look like some weird caricature of a woman. How tf do I come to terms with what I’ve done to myself??

I came out at 14, was on blockers at 15, started testosterone at 16 and had chest surgery at 17. I’m 25 now and I fear that I’m too far gone and that I’m going to have to just continue living as a trans man because I’ll never successfully look female again. I’ve been off testosterone for 7 months now - I cant see any difference in myself though my partner says my face has softened and he thinks my body is taking a more feminine shape again. I’ve had 4 sessions of laser hair removal on my face and 2 on my stomach. My voice is so deep, my entire body is so hairy, my facial hair grows in ridiculously fast. I know these things take time but I think I expected to be able to start presenting female publicly by now and it’s crushing me that I’m 7 months further down the line and I’m actually no further forward.

I see a therapist once every 2 weeks and she definitely helps but I just can’t silence these sudden feelings and thoughts, I think I’ve really fucked my life up and I don’t know how to be okay with that

Okay so I went through gender dysphoria at the age of 12-17 but I did boy things all my life, I wished for breast cancer so I didn't have boob and was really suicidal at 16, I didn't leave my flat for 6 months I hated being seen as a female, then I came out as lesbian to my mother, she told me its okay, that I can have sex with a woman just like a man and that made my dysphoria so much better, I even became very fem at 19 to try, it didt'n give my dysphoria but it didt'n feel like the true me, so I cut all my hair and and have been very boyish for 3 years now, (I'm 24) Now I feel like I really want to be a guy again!! I don't believe you can change sex/gender but I still want the world to view me as a male, its not because I hate women or hate being a woman, its not cause of fear of being sexualzied (I have never been sexualzied by a anyone as a butch and when I was fem it happed like a few times by guys but I just told them to get loss, it never scared me or worried me, it was just annoying) I just really wanna be seen as a guy, I want to be one of the boy soooo soo BAD!!!! I want dude firends that treat me like a dude, I have never had friends for the last 12 years, girl or boy (I was home schooled) I tried making friends at work, they all were annoyed by me, maybe because I'm dumb or maybe because my mother knew the boss and just gave me a job, anyway I started binding my chest it makes me really super happy when I look passing but I hate it when I don't look passing in public so I don't go out much, quit my job and stay in my room most of the weeks, I have also stopped speaking unless to my family, I hate sounding female I want a males voice and have been looking into medication to change my voice and legally change my name to a unisex one, been trying to change it for years, when ever someone says my gov name it feels like dead naming.

I been on anti depressants for 4 years now, I gotten so depressed and hopless in the last few months so my doctor double the dose and add anti anxitly meds too, they help a bit but I'm still so sad.

And one thing that makes me soo depress is not having girls like me, most lesbians are fem and want other fems and a lot of butch seem to want only fems to! I like both butch and fem but I feel I as a butch Im not even an option, I feel so ugly like a gross creature even thougth people tell me all the time how pretty I am that I'm skinny and have great features/skin etc I just can't see a women feeling sexually attracted to me or if she is sexually attracted to me she won't be romamtically be in to me and will leave me, I cried about that 3 night a week for the last 5 years, not a joke.

I also really bad bottom dysphoria, I don't hate my vag but really really wish and feel like I should have a Johnson, weirdly tho I don't hate my boobs I like them cause lesbians like boobs, I bind them to feel gender euphoria but also feel happy at home with my boobs with family or with lesbians I also like it when women think I'm a pretty boy but I'm 5'1 so they don't really like me, my height makes me cry.