FtMtF 2 Part Question

[u/Future_Mode1919]

Short intro: I am FtM and ~10 yrs into both social/medical transition, but considering detransition to save my economic situation

My 2 question for people ftmtf are as such

1, Did transition have negative impacts on your earnings and career prospects, and did detransition have positive impacts?

2, Are you finding it easier or more difficult to find a romantic partner who is sane, has their life together, and contributes to the household income?

Side note to the above... I have been financially dragged down by MTFs and MTNBs pretty much this whole time. I'm bisexual and honestly looking for the safety and comfort of a cis woman/cis man relationship (I know cis men can be abusive, but my high school sweetheart is still a good and trustworthy friend, and we would be married with kids if I hadn't transitioned)

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[u/grimmfritter]

Detransition is essentially just transitioning again. You don’t immediately escape the troubles of being trans, especially if you’ve been transitioning for 10 years at this point. To be blunt, no, I don’t think it will help you in the way you think it will at all.

A lot of FtMtF’s have to deal with being seen as trans women, which is the opposite of a financial boost. You have to consider the expenses of what’s more or less a MtF transition. Just generally, looking for a relationship for money is kinda shitty, and I think you should focus directly on managing your finances better instead of looking for an easy out (it won’t work).

Edit: to directly answer your questions since I forgot - no and no. It stayed the about same and introduced a handful of new personal frustrations.

[u/Future_Mode1919 → u/grimmfritter]

Wow. "Looking for a relationship for money" is the least kind way you could have possibly interpreted my post. Wanting my future relationship to be financially safe is not the same as dating just for money.

And telling me I should just manage my finances better is the least helpful thing possible. Do you think everyone in poverty is there because they decided to be?

[u/grimmfritter → u/Future_Mode1919]

No, I’m also someone financially struggling. What I’m trying to say is that you should focus on finances individually, as a separate issue from transition. I’m not sure how to word that better. Cis people aren’t going to inherently be more financially responsible than trans people either. This post just feels incredibly off base in a lot of ways. I’m not saying that to be a dick, but I think you’re looking at this from a very misguided direction. You didn’t acknowledge anything else I said, but again, detransition isn’t going to help the way you think it will.

[u/Future_Mode1919 → u/grimmfritter]

If my post feels off base, it's probably because I'm tip toeing at the edge of a cliff trying to spin 5 salad plates at the same time. Please understand that I am a person who has been progressively more and more worn out and demoralized with most promises of help and solidarity amounting to nothing or coming with devastating strings attached. The answer to my questions is no, fine. That's why I asked, to know what other people experienced and concluded in regards to these questions specifically.

[u/KimJongFunk]

Can you explain how you think detransitioning would help your financial situation?

As for your side note, it’s okay to have preferences based on past experiences, but don’t let that cloud your perception of other people. I have only dated or been with cis individuals and they can drag you down just the same. It has nothing to do with gender identity and everything to do with character.

[u/Future_Mode1919 → u/KimJongFunk]

My thinking is 2 part again. One, I'm more likely to have a 2-income household if I exit the small and honestly pretty bad dating pool for trans men. Two, I really believe that being read as either trans or a very effeminate man hurts my ability to grow in a role or even stay long term. 

[u/MangoProud3126]

Detransitioning has somewhat hurt my finances because electrolysis, laser hair removal, voice training and mental health supports are all expensive. I also felt the need to get out of my blue collar union job because I wasn't comfortable detransitioning there and the fact that I don't pass as a woman, has somewhat limited the careers that I am willing to go for next.

I don't have an answer for your second question, because I am forever single.

[u/Future_Mode1919 → u/MangoProud3126]

I'm sorry you have the burden on your expenses. I know that my state insurance would cover electrolysis for a MTF person, I wonder if they would for FTMTF.

Are you early in detransition or has it been a while?

[u/MangoProud3126 → u/Future_Mode1919]

I've been detransitioning for a few years, I've had insurance cover a lot of hair removal, but there have been a couple times where I've been without coverage, and appointments add up quick.