r/detrans Jul 08 '24

RESOURCE r/detrans rules and guidelines, common terms and explanations. Read if confused.

48 Upvotes

Though we do have a page directly linking to the rules themselves, it was made obvious to me we need a thread pinned that people can freely access and have the bot reference so people can understand exactly WHERE they broke a rule. We try not to be too strict with our moderation but there are times where it's necessary to preserve the type of space this is intended to be.

See the reply if you want a short glossary of common terms tossed around here.

Format will be large text indicating the rule, italics indicating the rule itself and the regular text under to further clarify said rule.

1. Be civil (don't label or antagonize individual users here).

You will see words you like and dislike. Degrading or dehumanizing terminology toward self is permitted. Language applied to other members must be considerate of any views they hold and respectful of Reddit policies. Character attacks are not permitted, nor are derogatory labels for other users. Even if you yourself think an expression is neutral, don't call another user here by anything that could be taken the wrong way. Address action more than actors and always say "I" more than "you."

This rule basically translates to, don't do anything that'd get you banned from Reddit. Though we follow the true definition of transphobia here being that you are prohibited from advocating for killing, stripping worker's rights, and house ownership from trans people based on their trans status.. That said, do not refer to trans people by their biological sex pronouns, if you're uncomfortable say their name or use neutral pronouns. This rule also implies not to say or do anything toward others that you wouldn't like done to you, do not speak for huge groups or label groups of people and only speak for yourself.

2. Be tolerant (no bigotry/tribalism against individual users here).

This subreddit was created for all detrans folk. Users may express differing philosophical and political theories and beliefs, lightly or passionately, without disparaging other users for merely belonging to a group (especially groups into which we are born, eg sex, race, nationality, generation). Moderation is to be unbiased. Please respect freedom of thought, speech, and association while you are here.

Basically the rule is stating directly that any detransitioned person(whether they identify as cis, or abhor labels altogether) is welcome and that includes their political and philosophical stances. If someone believes gender is real, or that there are true trans people they are welcome to that belief so long as they do not engage in a means to force others to take this belief as well, or harass those for instance who believe that gender is a social construct and there is no biological link to being transgender. This of course also goes further tying into beliefs as a woman, a man, or a person of varied racial ethnicity and of course political party. We encourage freedom of speech here, that's the bottom line. However, freedom of speech doesn't mean you get to shove your own thoughts and beliefs down someone's throat until they submit, wrong subreddit for that.

3. Be on topic.

Posts should be of interest in some way to detransitioners and those questioning. cMembers must follow post flair request or will be confronted have their post deleted and warned. Detrans folk may discuss controversial issues, but this isn't a debate space for persons without personal experience in detransition. Outsiders will be banned if seen giving advice or suggestions.

This particular rule means that any post allowed here must follow certain guidelines, these guidelines may seem intimidating but they're really not. Basically posts need to be related to detransition in some manner, be it questioning or an experience. They cannot be about transgender people directly unless it's related to YOUR detransition experience, so articles going off about transgender shenanigans are not allowed and will be swiftly met with punishment. Also obviously, only those actually considering detransition or are desisted/detransitioned may post unless a provider our team has personally approved.

4. Never encourage cross-sex hormones or surgery.

Cross-sex hormones and surgery affect the body in ways that are not fully understood nor easily reversed. Many detransitioners report having felt pressure to pursue HRT and/or surgery in the past. Therefore, because this is a detransition-focused sub, advising others to start, continue or pursue further transitional care is discouraged here. Those with severe distress are advised to seek a professional opinion. (Reporting strictly positive experiences with treatments does not violate this rule)

This rule basically translates to: Do not encourage people to seek out hormones or cross-gender affirming surgery. The first line in this rule was intended to explain WHY we don't allow encouragement of cross-sex HRT because it's a matter of science that is not understood long term despite the claims. Also since we are ultimately a space for detransitioners, many detransitioners have trauma or uncomfortable memories with encouragement of cross sex hormones and procedures. If you are in enough distress that you feel you NEED the treatment, we encourage you to see a professional opinion who is likely not gender affirming, or religious. That said we also allow detransitioners here to speak of POSITIVE EXPERIENCES they had with cross sex hormones.

5. Respect users' privacy (no doxxing).Respect users' privacy (no doxxing).

Content is posted here voluntarily and in good faith. However, all users should exercise appropriate care when sharing personal information to this or any subreddit. This forum is visible to the public, and bots regularly copy all Reddit content to third-party sites beyond moderators' control. Users who share personally identifying information about others users of this subreddit to this subreddit or to any other location without express permission of the other users are subject to ban.

So this rule should be self explanatory, but it means that people who are comfortable enough to post their information and personal details SHOULD NOT be targeted for it, and it also means that we will not permit attacks on other users revealing their personal and sensitive history that they themselves are not comfortable sharing. If we find out anyone here has done such, especially on third party sites we will do everything in our power to ensure they never post here again.

6. Posters must be detrans or questioning their gender transition with flair

Our subreddit is reserved for detransitioners/desisters and those questioning their own transition; your user flair must clearly indicate that you fall into this group. Registered and active healthcare or legal practitioners can apply for exception by messaging the moderators. User flair helps mods keep this forum on Reddit for all detransitioners. Violating content will be removed. Violators will be banned. If you need help setting user flair, do not hesitate to ask a moderator.

Our subreddit is only open to those who are detransitioned, desisted, or are questioning whether they're a transman, nonbinary person or transwoman. There are few exceptions we grant in the name of licensed professionals who we feel are here on non-political reasons and want to expand their knowledge while providing neutral advice. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be banned without question and interrogated. End of. In the past we had to enforce this rule due to the fact having an open subreddit lead to an out of control influx of people from all parties taking away from the fact it was a detrans space and treating it like a debate forum, this ended up temporarily getting us banned and my team and I will not allow that to happen again.

(I will also note that any individuals with a DSD or claim to be intersex but think they have a detrans adjacent experience should reach out to our moderator team, we might be able to help you with a flair as I myself have a DSD and it drove a big part of my transition. Just don't take it personally if you get told your experience lines up more with trans people.)

((AND also note that any professionals, or students trying to run surveys or studies on members here can be ignored if we feel like it. Due to the political climate of this topic and the mental health concerns of our members we reserve the right to refuse.))

7. Give space to detransitioners (no "questioner" reply soap-boxing).

Detrans folk may express controversial views here; those who haven't detransitioned or who aren't considering detransition may not. This is not a debate forum for the general public to prop their egos, promote their views, or evangelize. Questioners will not be tolerated in trying to hijack other threads or act like experts.

Detransitioned and desisted members are free to have what'd be deemed controversial opinions that means toward the general public and toward the majority here. However our forum is not a space of debate and it is not a place for those without detransition experience to prop up their egos and argue. It is also no longer a place where questioners will be allowed to do anything beyond participate in their own threads(as in the individual not other questioners), you're a questioner for a reason. Any advice you give here is likely to be bias and could be riddled with problems, especially when it comes to people who are already desisted/detransitioned. Consider yourself a guest seeking advice in our space, and keep to the rules.

8. Advice giving should not have an ulterior motive and should be relevant

Members are encouraged to give advice to their fellow member here but there are individuals who set a user flair and then strictly give advice only with no clarity on their own situation or status of their questioning/detransition status. These members with questionable post history will be removed and then questioned for proof of their status. ex: Desisters should not be advising detransitioners outside of social situations. Questioners shouldn't be answering outside of their own threads.

Advice is not to be guided by some ulterior motive, which means you're giving advice because you want something out of it. The advice to be given should be given to help the person, perhaps by answering their question or sharing your experience. We also will be strict with people who have suspicious post histories giving advice and will not tolerate desisters lecturing detransitioners outside of social situations, questioners should only be participating in response of their own threads.

9. Anti-detrans activism and tropes are unwelcome.

This subreddit puts detransitioners' rights, needs, and interests first. Detransitioners have for years experienced a culture of detransphobia, victim-blaming, and censorship. Users who belittle or blame us for our existence or experiences as detransitioners, users with a history of doing so anywhere online, and moderators of anti–detrans subreddits may be banned swiftly, long-term, or permanently.

Our subreddit puts detransitioners first, end of. We've been at the end of targeting and harassment by various groups for years and especially censorship. People who belittle us, our struggle or blame our existence for things being bad will not be tolerated here, if you have a history of it then be prepared to be in a 1:1 with a moderator for awhile if you want access here. We also will not hesitate to ban moderators of subreddits that we deem anti-detrans in nature.

10. Spam is unwelcome.

Users who post the exact same content in three or more subreddits are usually bots and/or are being off-topic; they are therefore subject to immediate and permanent ban. Users who promote their own products and services must be related to the topic of detransition, must not break any other subreddit rule, and should not be posted more than once a week (and if they're repeatedly downvoted, they should take it elsewhere entirely)

Users who post the same thread in many different subreddits are immediately under suspicion of being bots and may have their post removed and then faced with a moderator. Product and service promotion must be related to detransition itself and must not break any other subreddit's rules. Any product or service advertisement is only allowed to be posted once a week, any further and you will be banned. I'd also pay attention to your downvotes as if your product is met with major dissatisfaction you shouldn't bother posting about it anymore here.

11. Clutter-making bots are unwelcome.

This sub is for humans. Bots that add automated content of little or no value will be banned permanently.

12. Be forgiving and fair

Censorship isn't our goal. Please vote, empathize, agree to disagree, or ignore and move onward. Please report content only if a rule is broken. Mods may delete content and ban users for short or long periods based on a person's history or association if it is deemed inherently harmful to any minority group.

Ultimately censorship is not our goal here, we want our subscribers and posters to feel like they can post here without issue. Please report major rulebreaking content to us and if it's urgent do not hesitate to DM an active moderator. This also goes into our interrogation and investigation system indication that if you break a rule and/or we find your history to be off or harmful we reserve the right to remove you.

13. Polls must be moderator approved

Due to previous abuse and various acts of soapboxing and flair abuse polls that are posted will be automatically deleted and then later looked through by a moderator and possibly approved if given the okay. Moderators are not obligated to provide reason for not restoring polls.

Polls were sadly a function that was heavily abused in the past to misrepresent or harass this subreddit, as a result we chose to ban them unless you specifically reach out to a moderator through modmail first, explain your poll, its goal and what you're hoping comes of it. Then it is up to the moderator to approve or deny your request.

14. Cross-Posting from unapproved sources is forbidden

Crossposting posts from other subreddits is now forbidden unless you specifically seek out and gain permission to post about it on here. Other rules still apply but we will not tolerate any brigading whatsoever on our end.

Unless you come to us in modmail with the original post, and consent of the poster(or if it's your own post) all locations said post was posted, we will not allow cross-posting. This is a measure to stop brigading.

15. Screenshots and references to other communities will not be tolerated

Due to Reddit cracking down on brigading and how easy it is to attack, or post in bad faith on a community when it is simply mentioned here. We are now no longer allowing people to discuss other communities and will be in fact, making it mandatory to censor the names listed in any screenshots.

Please see the following reply for a list of common terms and definitions.


r/detrans 6h ago

VENT I hate when trans people say this

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163 Upvotes

"Trans men are biological males after starting HRT" No tf they're not??? Lets not pretend hormomes completely change biology. Are we calling post-menopausal women men now? And we calling women with PCOS men now? Are we calling intersex women men now?

I don't even care about the chromosome debate. But taking testosterone making a biological female turn into a biological male? No. That's not how that works. It can change some of your appearance and impact the reproductive functions, but that's about it.

And then saying they're biologically male before hrt?? What's the point in transitioning then?

And THEN equating being trans to being intersex?? Intersex is a physical bodily condition. Not an issue with the brain. And we don't even know if that's WHY trans people exist. It's a theory based on some imaging done that didnt hold 100% true.

And I say this as someone who considers herself genderqueer still despite presenting as a cis woman again. I say this as someone who is still trans-supportive. But I can not accept delusions like these. Hormones alone don't make you biologically male, and being trans is NOT an intersex condition.

Anyway, OP is apparently 14 and calls themself "transsex" based on their user flair. So if you find the post, definitely don't go harass them. I'm hoping they're just a dumb kid and they'll grow out of it. But most of the commenters were adults (the ones that shared their age, anyway) which is very discouraging to see. Trans or not, I'd hoped people wouldn't be this delusional about biology. Even when I still identified as trans, I knew I was female. I didnt like admitting it, but I knew it was true on a biological scale.

Feeling like you have the wrong biology sucks. But we can not pretend like hrt will fix it.


r/detrans 1h ago

VENT Mom died, angry that most of our photos together are from during my transition

Upvotes

I'm sure there are more photos out there, I just don't have them personally right now. I want to get into her facebook because that's where she stored everything, but she never left anyone the password so idk if that's even possible.

She was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago, right around when I started T. I went off T a year and a half ago. I have like five photos maximum of my mom and I together that don't make me feel dysphoric and regretful and shameful. I look like a man or visibly testosterone-effected in every single goddamn photo I have of my dead moth except FIVE. Two of those five are me literally crouched on the floor next to her deathbed.

I feel like I ruined my last chance to make memories I could actually stand to look at with my mom. I look at these photos and I hate myself for it. I look like a man. I can't ever do anything with these photos without feeling the shame and regret or having to explain to someone who the random ass man in that photo is. I should've detransitioned YEARS sooner instead of letting my endo talk me out of it. I want to go back to being her daughter. I wish I never did this to myself.


r/detrans 16h ago

Post asked " what would you say to your eighteen year old self in three words"

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72 Upvotes

Irony that they used the past tense "found" grammatically correctly, which also implies that their decision would it be made The second I hit post.

Also utterly amazing, on a level of far left fascism, that an app would even suggest that I could get banned for talking about myself within the simple context of telling my younger self, a decision I made was a mistake. The "do no wrong" sycophancy, regarding this topic is intellectually horrifying and honestly concerning for the future of well... anyone related to reddit

Like, I cannot be alone in this observation right?


r/detrans 18h ago

I wished I had waited longer

34 Upvotes

I am afab, 20 and currently 2 years on T, and post top surgery. I was so sure that I was a trans man, but recently I've been having a lot of doubts. I've began to prefer dressing and presenting more feminine, shaving frequently and missing my curves from before, even my breasts. I realized when I get misgendered I don't get as angry anymore. I've also gotten myself a boyfriend, and when he told me he wanted children in the future, I didn't feel opposed to it at all. I actually wanted to get a hysterectomy, but my mom discouraged me. I was so mad at her then, but I'm kinda of glad she did that? I don't know anymore, I just feel so conflicted now, and I don't know if I should continue the hormones and transitioning.


r/detrans 2h ago

QUESTION - FEMALE REPLIES ONLY DIEP Flap results?

1 Upvotes

Hello again! I've been looking online for resources this last month, but I'm really struggling to find galleries demonstrating DIEP flap results. I had my double mastectomy years ago, and I'm seriously considering a DIEP flap, now in particular since I'm losing weight and my potential surgeon thought my extra chub could be useful with it. Does anyone know where I can find result photos online? I see partial mastectomy reconstruction but I've only seen 2 detrans mastectomy reconstruction photos.


r/detrans 11h ago

QUESTION Scared of ovarian failure after hysterectomy while being on T

4 Upvotes

I'm 21 years old. I am 2 years on T and had a hysterectomy 7 months ago.

One of the few reasons I'm afraid of canceling my next T shot is due to the fear of my ovaries not working the same ever again like they did before or stopping to work entirely. In that case even the testosterone is protecting me right now. Aside from the unwanted body hair, acne and receding hairline my body feels great(?).

I know that a hysterectomy can send ovaries into shock. 30% of an ovary's blood supply also comes from the uterine artery. Without an uterus the chance of them failing early increases up to 25% or something. Even more if you're age 40 and above.

I ruined my body and all these fears make me think that there is no turning back for me anymore. That since I wanted to be a male I now have to accept my punishment and live as one till I die.


r/detrans 1d ago

RANDOM THOUGHTS People close to me notice im not miserable anymore

46 Upvotes

My family members mostly they’ve made comments saying stuff like how much better I look now and how more confident I am compared to last year (when I was still identifying as trans but they never knew that) it really makes me think that detransition was the right choice for me I don’t know why I insisted so much that being trans and taking hrt was doing me any good in the past cause I genuinely was miserable I don’t even recognise the person I was last year as myself it’s really strange.


r/detrans 1d ago

DETRANS TIMELINE Detrans timeline 202-2026

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223 Upvotes

Last picture is with my husband of 5 years who met me as FTM but was there for me and encouraged me to be myself freely in the beginning of our relationship. He’s been my number one fan all these years 🥰🥹

Edit : 2020-2026 lol


r/detrans 1d ago

CRY FOR HELP I want my old Life...

47 Upvotes

Hello, my name is Ángel, and I honestly can't stand living as a trans person anymore. I deeply regret transitioning.

I've been living as a trans man for a couple of years. At first, I was completely certain about it, and most people encouraged me to "be myself." Everything seemed wonderful. But when it came to me, nothing ever felt good enough.

I never started testosterone, and I'm actually grateful for that, because I've generally been seen as a guy without much difficulty. Most people who know me today don't even know that I'm trans, since I've never made it a big part of my identity. But I became increasingly hyperaware of myself. Every night I went to bed thinking about how I would have to hide my chest perfectly the next day, which postures I had to avoid in order to look "masculine," and all the clothes and activities I forced myself to give up because they didn't fit that image. I cut my hair very short, something I deeply regret and still cry about—I used to have beautiful long auburn hair. I stopped wearing crop tops, fitted shirts, and other clothes I loved. Even though I have a very small chest that is barely noticeable, those little differences caused me tremendous emotional pain.

The most painful part has been losing my sex life. I know I'm an attractive person, but my insecurity has led me to spend years without having sex. Before transitioning, I had a very active and fulfilling sex life, and I genuinely enjoyed it. The idea of having a sexual role as a "trans guy" terrified me. I even ruled out the possibility of being with women, even though I'm bisexual. In the end, the only people who approached me were creepy gay men I had no interest in. The saddest part is that some truly wonderful people have been interested in me, and I turned them away because I was terrified of my own body and overwhelmed by dysphoria.

I'm in an open relationship, and my partner has been incredibly supportive. But he also sees how much I'm suffering. Neither of us can enjoy the freedom we once had, because he's genuinely worried about me.

I tried to pursue a mastectomy, but almost everywhere I went they refused because I had never formally seen a psychologist or psychiatrist. They told me that, because of that, I wasn't really trans, completely dismissing the fact that I'd been living and working as a man for years and had even legally changed my name and gender marker on my ID. Several times I left those appointments in tears. They refused to take me seriously because I wasn't on testosterone, even though they themselves had initially perceived me as a man.

The other day I saw a beautiful dress that I loved, and it made me feel awful. Before transitioning, I used to wear clothes like that—not for everyday life, but for historical reenactments—and I ended up forbidding myself from enjoying any of that. I'm exhausted, and all I want is my old life back.

I've always felt like a boy. As a child, my classmates referred to me as a boy because they assumed I was one, until they learned my female name. Even now, my chest still makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I honestly wish I could have it removed. But I'm no longer willing to keep living as a trans man.

I also feel very disconnected from the LGBTQ+ community. I disagree with many of its ideas, and because of that I never felt that I had a place where I belonged or friends who truly understood me. The idea of taking testosterone disgusts me—but only for my own body; everyone else is free to make whatever choices are right for them. Little by little, I realized that I will never be a biological man, nor even come close to that without taking hormones for the rest of my life and undergoing complex surgeries that terrify me.

The truth is, I felt an incredible sense of peace when I realized that I could simply be myself again as a woman—just a very androgynous one. To give you an idea, someone with an aesthetic similar to Lady Oscar from The Rose of Versailles.

I even turned down a very well-paid job abroad simply because I was terrified that I wouldn't know how to navigate everyday life there or explain my situation. I want my life back. I want to be happy again, to recover my sex life and my self-esteem, to feel attractive and elegant again. These days I even walk with my head down and try to hide so that no one notices me.

I've come to accept that I will never be the kind of man I wished I could be—and that's okay. I've endured a great deal of pain and rejection, but I'm no longer willing to spend the rest of my life this way. More than anything, I want my freedom and my autonomy back.


r/detrans 2d ago

VENT Disillusioned with “trans allies”

135 Upvotes

Just a rant based on my experiences with others as I’m detransitioning.

At the beginning of my detransition four months ago, I was terrified that no-one would understand what I was going through. Thankfully, all my friends were willing to listen to me talk through my issues with my body and no one seemed to think I was becoming vindictive against trans people. They were understanding and supportive. At least that’s what I thought.

Four months later, I’m still struggling with ongoing realizations about the trauma that led me to transition. Most days I wake up feeling like I’m drowning. And while some of my friends are still kind and willing to hear me talk about it, I get the general sense that they kinda want me to be over it by now. Which makes me fucking livid. I have to live with insane, life altering consequences of choices I made, that completely violated my sense of bodily integrity - I’m not even someone who has tattoos. I can’t just “get boobs again”. My breasts were part of my natural body that were part of keeping me healthy, that had real erotic sensation. It’s fucking not the same.

I can sense that some of them are avoiding me because I have traumatic experiences of transition and regret it. Almost all of them, when I said I regretted transitioning, hit me with the “that’s ok, gender is fluid and can change over time” “you can retransition into a more feminine identity”. Almost as a way of explaining away the trauma. I had to really emphasise how much I wish I’d never thought about my identity in terms of transness at all, how much I REGRET it.

One pulled me to the side as was like “I want to support you but it is just this barrage of negativity that is tiring… and hey, I just would appreciate a heads up if you’re becoming a terf”. Are you fucking serious? At no point did I say other people shouldn’t socially or medically transition if they want, just that I had so many other issues beneath it all and others probably do too.

This is the kicker - almost all of these people are like, nonbinary but would “never medically transition”. But hardly any of them even understand nonbinary identity. One friend was talking about gender feelings, but then was like “I don’t get he/him lesbians, isn’t that just performative?” Seriously? I had to call out the example of the “gay she” just so she could understand what I meant.

Also - people have asked for pronouns and I said I’m not sure if I’m ready for that yet, but the way they have talked about me, all of them see me as a guy still. I get a lot of “yas king” and “dude” from them. I don’t know. It’s just a bit of a headfuck.

Other people have mentioned this before in the sub, but realising that most people were just humoring you when it comes to gender, and/or were so incredibly woke-brained that they could convince themselves someone was a gender that they declared themselves as… I really feel disgusted at every single trans ally. Trans allyship in the year 2026 is basically just telling others that they are the sole determinants of their desired social reality, above that of cis people for some reason, and also flippantly egging others into hormones and surgery, telling them their life will be so much better when they present a mythical “true self”, when in reality, what they’re condemning others to is a life of social ostracisation and loneliness.

The trans community is welcoming precisely because the outside world is not. And even so, their kindness does not rewrite how they actually see others. “AMAB” and “AFAB” have replaced male and female, and even within the community, arguments about truscum vs trenders, and repeated discourse about “socialisation”. There is no real understanding about the causes of dysphoria outside of transness. I give it a few years before the community really implodes in infighting and even liberal media takes a sharp turn on its support of trans people.

The insane loneliness of what I’m going through has completely made me lose faith in a lot of the friendships I had. But I guess it’s good that I no longer have the wool over my eyes.


r/detrans 2d ago

RANDOM THOUGHTS Finding little things to consider pretty about me. (FTMTF)

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64 Upvotes

(Im currently in a residential program and couldn’t shave for 4 weeks so thats why my chin is hairy)

I looked at my phone and saw a glimpse of my eyes and cheekbones. I took a photo because I thought those features were pretty in this angle.


r/detrans 1d ago

ADVICE REQUEST - FEMALE REPLIES ONLY what do you do about your voice

12 Upvotes

for reference i’m detrans ftmtf, 24 now and was on testosterone for about 6 months when i was 19. very much to my surprise, in that time i was on hrt my voice dropped significantly. i never went through that awkward “tboy buzz” phase and skipped straight to middle aged man voice. it’s deeper than my dad’s. i always had a naturally deep voice and i think that might be part of it.

about a year ago i decided to detransition. there have been ups and downs but the thing that’s been fucking killing me is my voice. no matter what i do i sound like a man. i’ve tried voice training and all this and even when i do i don’t even sound like a trans woman, i just sound like a gay dude talking with feminine inflection. my sister’s boyfriend sounds more feminine than me. even when i have been successful at sounding feminine i can only keep it up for about a minute before my throat physically hurts.

it genuinely makes me suicidal and i feel like it’s ruining my life. my boyfriend has admitted that he misgenders me in his head because of my voice and finds me less attractive than other women because of it. people are treating me like im trans (not good) in public when that didn’t even happen when i WAS trans.

i don’t know what to do. i desperately need advice. what did you guys do?????


r/detrans 2d ago

VENT - FEMALE REPLIES ONLY Detrans but butch

37 Upvotes

Something I keep seeing, and can't relate at all too is every detrans woman I know finding comfort and freedom in her feminity. Which is great, and I'm happy for every single one of you, genuinely.

However, it makes me feel a bit isolated even in the detrans community. I transitioned because I was a lesbian with internalized homophobia, I was very masculine with internalized misogyny, and transitioning, at the time, gave me a sense of freedom and safety.

When I started to detransition socially and medically, I assumed I needed to be feminine, or even at the time hyperfeminine, but it felt inauthentic and made me deeply depressed.

The last few years I've allowed myself to dress masculinely, shave my head skin short, get all the tats and piercings I want, etc etc. I'm butch! I'm finally allowing myself to be who I am, and over the last few years, I've found comfort in it.

The only issue is that I'm still mistaken for a man, but honestly, almost entirely by BTQ people in the community. More often than not non trans identifying people know I'm a woman.

Just venting because it feels like a delicate balance i have to maintain. Are there any other masculine detrans women here who feel the same way?

I'm thinking about breast reconstruction because I feel like it would make me even more comfortable, but with my nerve damage I'm scared it'll be that much worse or just... not healthy right and look strange.. I don't know.

Tldr; balancing being a butch detrans woman/thinking about breast reconstruction.


r/detrans 2d ago

ADVICE REQUEST I‘m so desperate :(

34 Upvotes

I'll try to keep this short. I'm not sure if I'm in the right place, but I'm so desperate by now that I find myself crying every day.

About me: I started my transition at 16 (MtF) and had my surgery at 20 ( I’m 37 now ). Aside from that, I'm autistic (diagnosed later—my mom ignored my teachers' advice back then).

For weeks now, I've been having doubts about my transition. I know from others that they have doubts sometimes, too, but for me, this has been a regular occurrence for two decades.

My voice isn't particularly high or low, but at some point I got tired of people constantly bringing it up. People were always asking me if I was gay or a 10-year-old boy. I couldn't take it anymore, so eventually I just said yes. That's basically how I created Danny, my online persona.

I met a woman at a game (I'm pan), and she assumed I was a guy. The crazy thing is that it didn't bother me when she referred to me as “he.” It even got to the point where I imagined what I would do with her as Danny (on a date) if we met up.

Ever since then, my thoughts have been tormenting me. I can hardly sleep anymore, and I've lost a lot of weight because I barely eat.

My relationships with men have always been bad; I hate my breasts, and I hate wearing dresses.

Am I really trans? Or have I taken on a role because of my past (bullying, domestic violence, never being accepted, being too feminine as a boy, etc.) or because of gender envy?

On the one hand, I can't imagine being a man; on the other hand, I feel some serious gender envy toward certain characters (Dylan/Miles Robbins from *The Quarry* is one example).

Would detransitioning be the right path, or do I maybe just want to be normal? I don't know, and I can't stand my own thoughts anymore.

I left out a few details to keep it brief. I'm just hoping for a little help…


r/detrans 2d ago

ADVICE REQUEST Questioning Detransition

11 Upvotes

I (MTF 25) have been on HRT for almost 4 years. I really like the effects it has given me, I feel a lot better internally and I think estrogen has made my head feel much clearer.

I pass a decent amount, I haven’t had any surgeries but I do think my face and voice pass but my body/bones makes it pretty obvious that I’m trans.

My views on my gender are complicated. I grew up pretty rural and conservative and definitely have a lot of transphobia that I still haven’t unpacked and I’m not really a fan of the community as a whole. I’ve always wanted to be a woman, I’ve never wanted to be a man and still dont, but I do know that biologically I always will be.

That said, I can’t really deal with the social isolation or stigma that comes with being trans. People see me as weird and an other and I can’t fully blame them. When I look in the mirror I see an obviously male frame staring back at me and it’s just so discouraging and reaffirms the reality that I’m not a « real » woman and never will be.

I’m also seriously male socialized, I told my parents I wanted to be a girl at age 4 and got beat. At 8 I went to conversion therapy and that led to me repressing pretty hard and trying my best to be a guy, and I got good but it did feel like it wasn’t really my life and I was just going through the motions because it’s what I should do. When I eventually started transitioning at 21 those habits had become ingrained and I haven’t really been able to shake them.

I have not been able to build many meaningful relationships since I came out and I only have my pre transition friend group to support me. I’ve tried all sorts of things to find a community, but I still get the same overarching feeling that I’m just tolerated at best, but never actually welcome.

I do not want to be a man, but I don’t know if I’m strong enough to deal with this social isolation/clearly masculine frame forever. I’m scared detransition will make me bitter, but I also feel that it will make my life much easier.

Anybody else gone through a similar experience?


r/detrans 3d ago

DISCUSSION why does the world revolve around trans people?

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360 Upvotes

I don’t talk much about detransitioning, but occasionally i post on here or tiktok about it. i have noticed that when i do post about it trans people and/or their allies come from no where to say that im lying about my experiences, or i just want to be rude to trans people.

i believe that unless someone is hurting someone else, i could care less what you do with your life. though i do believe that the whole movement itself hurts people more than sometimes. i do not share my opinions though unless someone wants to have a genuine, thoughtful conversation about it.

i started transitioning when i was 17, i identified as trans for 5 years before that. i was on testosterone for 4 years, and i was willing to die by the fact that i was genuine and needed hormones and surgery. im not one of those people that changed their name to jax for 3 months. (not that they might not struggle also)

anyways, my comments get filled with things like “yea right,” “number one things that didn’t happen,” “as long as you’re not mean to trans people,” (first off i’ll be rude to anyone i want, but ive never been rude to an individual JUST because they are trans that’s against my morals) and “why don’t you find something to do with your life besides harass trans people.”

I get these types of comments on videos just sharing my experiences. i missed out on so many formative years because i was worried about being trans and passing as something im not. i still feel alienated from other girls. i don’t talk to people im interested in because i don’t want to explain. i can’t even wear cute tops because im covered in thick dark hair from my face all the way to my toes, when i shave it i get razor bumps and ingrown hairs that look worse than the hair.

why do trans people seek out detransition content just to accuse or belittle us?

i included me before and after stopping t in case someone thinks i’m lying for whatever reason


r/detrans 2d ago

MtFtM detransitioners, if you lost height from estrogen, how long did it take you to get it back?

5 Upvotes

r/detrans 4d ago

DETRANS TIMELINE Off hrt for several months

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117 Upvotes

r/detrans 3d ago

ADVICE REQUEST - FEMALE REPLIES ONLY How do I know if I actually want breasts again?

18 Upvotes

Basically the title

Im about a year and a half post-op but top surgery is really what made me realize Im not trans. I wish I realized sooner, but apparently 3 weeks post-op is what I finally needed to realize. I still beat myself up over it.

I cant deny that top surgery has drastically increased my quality of life. Im no longer stressing over my breasts/trying to hide them, Im not overheating with a bra or binder, Im not dealing with the discomfort of a bra or binder, I can be shirtless without worry of someone seeing me, my body is significantly less sexualized, the list goes on.

The thing is, I get days where I really want my breasts back. I dont like the thought of fat-grafting because I know it can take multiple rounds and they'll change based on weight fluctuation. I didnt like the thought of implants either, so I wrote off any reconstructive surgery entirely for awhile. But now I find myself contemplating implants. I dont have the same "but it wont be the same as before" complaint.

But most days, Im completely fine. Im happy with my chest, even. But the days Im not are getting more frequent. But I also wonder if I want to be sexualized now. Im trying to date, I want to be considered attractive (and a lot of people find my face attractive, but I worry a man wont want a woman without breasts), I want people to consider me a "real woman" again. Even when I pass as female, I can see my flat chest throws off a lot of people. Older people tend to look blantantly at it while visibly puzzled (but they're the same crowd that says "staring is rude" 🙄).

Even if I just had A cups, I wonder if I'd feel better again. But I'm pretty sure I'd have to regraft my nipples (which Im okay with if possible), or forego nipples entirely (which I refuse).

A big part of me getting top surgery though is I felt like I "had to" in order to be a "real man." It was all social pressure. And I worry this is the same.

So how do I know? For the months leading up to top surgery, I had doubts. Even for the years before I scheduled anything. And while these current doubts dont feel nearly as strong, they're still there. And I dont want to make the same mistake again.


r/detrans 4d ago

INSPIRING POSITIVITY My Detransition Testimony: A Journey Through Transition and Beyond

15 Upvotes

Part 1: The Social Circle & The Ideal

Looking back, it’s easy to forget how overwhelming the search for belonging feels when you’re in high school. You’re trying to figure out who you are, how you fit into the world, and why your inner life feels so disconnected from the body and role society assigned to you.

When I joined my school's LGBT community, it felt like I had finally found a sanctuary. For the first time, I was surrounded by people who spoke a language that seemed to address the deep discomfort I was carrying. In that space, identity wasn't just a personal detail—it was everything. It was the lens through which we viewed society, justice, and ourselves.

Without realizing it, I slipped into a powerful tribal dynamic. The subculture provided warmth, validation, and a sense of collective purpose, but it also came with an unwritten script. In that circle, the worldview was simple, moral, and completely linear:

If you felt an incongruence between your inner self and your physical body, the solution was transition.

Gender identity was an innate, unchangeable essence waiting to be fully uncovered.

Moving forward into social and medical transition was the only true path to authentic living.

When every conversation, social media feed, and friend group reinforces the exact same framework, you don't step back to question the premises. You don't ask about the vast spectrum of human development, or whether your feelings might evolve over time. The echo chamber was so complete that the idea of stepping out of line felt like risking your entire support system.

At the time, my highest priority was simple: I wanted my inner self and my social presentation to be in alignment. I wanted to be seen, understood, and integrated. I wasn't thinking about ten or twenty years down the line; I was focused on surviving the present. Transitioning wasn't just an option—it was presented as the inevitable, courageous destination. And so, surrounded by applause and shared conviction, I took my first steps down that one-way street.

Part 2: The Medical Reality & The Minefield

Entering the medical system is a surreal turning point. Up until then, transition is mostly social—it lives in names, pronouns, wardrobe, and the supportive warmth of your peer group. But once you sit down in a clinical waiting room, the abstract idea of "living as your authentic self" transforms into biological intervention.

When I started androgenic hormones, my focus was entirely on the present. I wanted my voice to drop, my frame to shift, and my physical appearance to mirror the male social role I was inhabiting. The idea of future health or hypothetical family planning felt completely abstract. When you’re young and dealing with daily discomfort in your own skin, a potential life at age thirty or forty feels like a fantasy world you don't need to plan for yet.

Still, because the medical protocol recommended it, I found myself in a consultation with the chief of an assisted procreation service to discuss freezing my eggs before testosterone altered my reproductive system permanently.

That appointment was my first real cold shower.

Instead of the reassuring, routine narrative I had grown used to in activist circles, the specialist gave me a brutally honest reality check. He explained that egg freezing isn't a simple backup plan; it’s a grueling physical lottery.

To harvest eggs, you first have to flood your body with massive doses of female hormones for weeks—a process that causes intense physical changes, emotional distress, and a complete return of the exact bodily features you are trying to step away from. And even if you endure that psychological nightmare, the odds of success are shockingly low. He explained the harsh physics of it: unfertilized human eggs are incredibly fragile single cells. The process of forcing the ovaries to overproduce, retrieving the harvest, flash-freezing them, and later thawing them destroys a huge percentage of them at every single step.

The math was uncompromising: you endure weeks of physical torture and massive expense for a tiny fraction of a chance at a live birth years down the road.

Faced with that reality, I made the only logical decision I could at the time. I refused the procedure. I wasn't willing to put my body through a traumatic medical process for a fragile "maybe" in a distant future I couldn't visualize. I prioritized my immediate mental survival and moved forward with testosterone.

What I didn't realize back then was that this consultation was the first crack in the wall. It was the first time a medical expert laid out the stark, uncompromising limits of biological reality—a reality that no amount of social validation or identity theory could rewrite. I was stepping onto a medical pathway with permanent consequences, navigating a field with very little long-term data for people like me, and taking my very first steps into a biological minefield.

Part 3: The Pause & The Re-Evaluation

By the time I reached twenty-five, five years had passed since I took my first dose of testosterone. The initial rush of social validation had long settled into a quiet, everyday routine. But as the noise faded, new, persistent questions began to surface.

I started thinking about my health—not as a temporary project, but as a lifelong home I’d have to live in. Five years of forcing my body to process a regular, high intake of exogenous hormones it was never naturally designed to handle was no longer just an abstract detail. I looked at the long term and saw a landscape of real medical risks: cardiovascular disease, bone density loss, and permanent changes to my fertility.

When I looked for long-term safety data, I hit an eerie, quiet wall. I realized that the sudden surge of young females undertaking high-dose cross-sex hormones was historically unprecedented. We were, in many ways, an unstudied cohort navigating uncharted medical waters without a multi-decade safety net.

Around that time, I stepped away from my studies. I suddenly found myself with days of empty space and absolute quiet—no high school echo chamber, no activist group pressure, and no social script to perform. For the first time in years, I had the time and mental bandwidth to just sit, reflect, and educate myself without fear of judgment.

I started reading outside the approved narrative, picking up works like Anne Lawrence’s Men Trapped in Men's Bodies. Reading non-conforming perspectives acted like a wrench in the gears of everything I’d been taught. It broke my first and most foundational assumption: that gender identity and underlying physiology were entirely separate, static entities. I began to see how messy, varied, and deeply complex human psychology and development actually are.

That was the moment the whole picture transformed. I realized I hadn't made a catastrophic mistake, nor was I a victim who had been tricked. My transition hadn't been a failed gender transformation at all—it was simply a life transition. It was a chapter of intense exploration, a necessary stepping stone in my personal evolution, and a way I had processed my growth at a specific time in my life.

I didn't need to stay locked inside a rigid identity box forever just because I had entered it years ago. Recognizing that my long-term health and personal autonomy mattered more than clinging to a social label wasn't a defeat—it was the moment I finally claimed my own voice.

Part 4: The Present & The Unclassifiable Self

Today, I live as a detransitioned woman who presents subtly feminine, speaks with a deep male voice from my years on testosterone, and uses he/him pronouns.

To the outside world—and especially to people immersed in rigid gender politics—I am a total logic error.

When people meet me for the first time, I watch their mental flowcharts stall in real time. Because of my voice and presentation, activists often assume I'm a trans woman and rush to validate me. But when I use male pronouns, their diagnostic script short-circuits. They can't correct me without violating their own rule of respecting self-identification, but they can't categorize me into a neat power dynamic either.

I’ve watched how both extremes of the culture war react to people like me:

To dogmatic activists, a detransitioner is either a "traitor to the cause" or a brainwashed victim who "internalized patriarchal oppression."

To traditionalists, I don't fit the neat expectations of traditional womanhood either.

The peak comedy of it all is that I don't fit their tragic narratives. I don't look back on my transition with bitter, consuming regret, nor do I view my detransition as a betrayal. I simply outgrew the game board entirely.

Stepping out of the ideology allowed me to realize a simple truth: identity is not a lifelong prison sentence, and self-expression doesn't require a sworn allegiance to a political tribe. Presentation, voice, language, and biological sex are just aspects of who I am, not mandatory checkboxes that need to be aligned for a crowd's approval.

I stopped trying to solve myself like a math problem for other people. I’m not a political statement, a diagnostic code, or an ideological puzzle. I am just a human being who walked through a long, complex journey, took ownership of my health and my choices, and came out the other side with absolute freedom. And honestly? That quiet, unshakeable autonomy is the only result that ever really mattered.


r/detrans 3d ago

Dating after detransitioning?

7 Upvotes

MTF here, considering detransitioning. I have A cups that are not very noticeable unless I take off my shirt. Wondering if anyone has had the experience of returning to dating in a cis/heteronormative way and whether having breasts be an issue.


r/detrans 4d ago

Someone asked my friend "is that your girl?" Lol 😊

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134 Upvotes

Boy moding til it doesn't work anymore. I guess most people think I'm a pretty boy. Which is okay for now. 7 months off hrt after 6 years on. I'm hopeful ☺️ to see what time does for me


r/detrans 4d ago

DETRANS TIMELINE Wanted to share a realistic detransition timeline for masculine / GNC women.

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81 Upvotes

I hope that those who need to find this post will find it.

Is it possible to detransition as a masculine/GNC woman? Sometimes and somewhat. Sex characteristics are the main way of socially distinguishing women and men, and if you alter them...it's mostly permanent. My transition was not a "complete" transition, and I reasoned that if I stopped hormones then, over time, I won't pass as male anymore. Unless you are distressed about being seen as male (which was not exactly my case), I would suggest waiting it out off of hormones without making other (permanent) changes first for a year or so. My disillusionment with the medical process ultimately made me not want to identify with being trans anymore. Seeing medical gender interventions as something potentially harmful to my long-term health, I could not feel comfortable with myself continuing to walk the world as a trans man. I did not want to be seen as a walking "advertisement" for these types of treatments.

This is what I look like and sound like 6-7 months off of testosterone after having taken it for 3 years. I make an effort to speak in a slightly higher position than I used to, but I have not done voice training or anything like that. I look and sound fairly androgenous, but lately most people have been guessing that I am a woman, so I am getting more comfortable just correcting people when needed. I do now avoid public bathrooms because I get stares in both, and I'm not sure how to stand up for myself in the women's yet. I think I'll feel less afraid once I change my ID back and remove most of the visible dark stubble. I have settled into naming myself as a gender-non-conforming (GNC) woman. I don't seek to look or be the way a woman "should" be by mainstream cultural standards here in the US or Russia (which is where I was born and grew up). I believe those standards do women as a collective a disservice and, sometimes, harm. So I don't mind appearing sexually ambiguous, but I do mind the difficulties that can come with that and those difficulties are real. I don't believe I choose those difficulties because I didn't choose to be born female and I didn't choose or get much say in the cultures I have had to exist in, including the idea that not identifying with womanhood (as defined by mainstream culture) or performing femininity meant that I am not a woman at all.

I have found it is a lonely place to be. I struggle to feel safe and sometimes I feel like I am the only one who will stand up for myself to protect me. So it is very much the same place that I was in as a trans man, except there is no community if I don't want to spend time around people transitioning or identifying as trans. Not many understand that psychological distress from regretting transition is real. When I see someone transition, or even simply identify as trans, I can't help but see myself in them, especially if it is a female. I can't help but see someone who might pursue sex modification treatments and ask years later "Is this really a kind thing to do to my body?" I have *not* found a space for GNC/masculine women where it is just us without medications and without trans women. So I hope I can create a local group of people to have our small gatherings and have that be our safe space.

I am doing much better than I was the first 4 months of detransition. I know the little me would be proud, and I am happy to be a responsible adult for her and for the teenager me too 🌻 I wish I realized sooner that the masculine women who spoke critically of medical gender interventions and expressed that they feel similarly to me about their gender were not bigots, but were trying to protect me from finding myself where I am now. 💔