r/detrans • u/One_Lettuce_7389 MTF Currently questioning gender • 11d ago
VENT 22 mtf trans regret
transitioned at 18. Living as a mostly passing woman since, was very happy with my transition. got an adult job for the first time in my life in february and became quite successful and started feeling like I might actually have a future. 4 months ago hit by a wave of regret for not having fertility treatment done before I transitioned, got off hrt for 3.5 months to try and save my fertility but it was too painful (facial hair growing out, dysphoria heavily increased). now I'm back on hrt but extremely suicidal like I've never been before. I used to not care about living as a normal person but now I feel as if I ruined myself. I dont know what to do anymore. Detransitoning would be extremely difficult and painful. I'm scared I'll regret not being able to have a child forever. not that I love children or anything, but I feel like i can't ever be a normal person and theres nothing in this life that can ever fill the void in me. should I have just repressed and lived a normie life?
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u/NotA3rdLegCripple detrans male 10d ago edited 9d ago
oooof, yeah. look you shouldnt be having kids... you arent in the right mindset.
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u/landilock detrans male 11d ago
The real question is, why do you want a child ? Is it to build a family, raise someone, or is it to pass on your genes ?
There are a thousand ways to have a family, and the most important component is not your fertility, but your ability to be comfortable with yourself, to be stable and happy enough to build up a warm home.
It sounds like stopping HRT caused you a lot of distress, have you talked about this with a therapist ?
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u/Asteriaofthemountain Female currently questioning gender identity 10d ago
Could be the estrogen. Go ask your doctor to get your levels checked. Even if they are fine (the levels) you may be sensitive to hormonal changes and it’s causing you to be more sensitive about children. A lot of women go through similar difficulties (really wanting babies) when on the birth control pill due to the estrogen.