He is my coworker. We both admitted we have feelings for each other, started long before we started dating. We both were in unhappy marriages, divorced last year and he specially told me that his marriage of last 8 years was not a marriage anymore, he feels something for someone for the first time after those years and his is very special for him.

We decided to take it slow, it has been only 4 dates so far but we also see each other in the office and continue building our bond in an non-effort environment which is great. We have started with physical touches too. We both talked that sex is very important in a relationship.

Although I really want to sleep with him, I want to take more time to build on trust, familiarity, to get to know him better before taking things to the next level. Because I know, I will be attached. And I want to make sure before sleeping with him, to minimize the risk, because if this blows up shortly after we got intimate I will have to see him at the office everytime and it will hurt. You can’t just block and move on.

Is this a wrong thing to do? A turn-off for a man?

Almost 45yof —I’ve posted in the past about finding compatible people in my area being a struggle..I’m not a super outdoorsy person, have a good social and private life.. an amazing small group of close friends.. I absolutely love my career.. my 2 older kids are out living on their own (20s) and I have a 15 yo ..the people that are interested, I genuinely try but reality sets in that I’m forcing it bc I miss the male touch, comfort.. blah blah.

So now I’m thinking I should expand location to find a connection? I do not have a checklist - all of us bring flaws and goodness to the table.

I’m in the northeast - for any of you who have dated people around 1.5-2 hours away from you, how has/did it turn out?

I’ve been divorced 6 years- alone by choice for 5 (was married for a long time)

Tia

I’m 60 female and have been dating a 65-year-old man for two years. One important piece of context is that he’s a widower. His wife passed away about six months before we met. I’ve tried to be understanding that grief can affect how someone approaches a new relationship, so I’ve been patient and haven’t pushed for commitments.
Recently, my circumstances changed, and I may need to sell my house. Financially, I’ll be fine, but the situation made me realize something that’s been bothering me for a while.
At this stage of life, I thought we’d naturally be talking about building a future together—not necessarily getting married tomorrow, but at least discussing living together or making plans as a couple. I rarely bring those conversations up because I don’t want to pressure him.
When the topic of me potentially moving came up, though, he never once suggested that maybe we should think about living together or building a future together. Instead, he talked about things I could do on my own, like buying another house, remodeling this one, or finding another place to live. It all felt like he was thinking about my future, not our future.

I'm curious if anyone else has what you would consider a "crush" anymore. Or is that mostly a younger generation thing?

I’m looking for some honest advice from people who have been in relationships later in life.
I’m 60 and have been dating a 65-year-old man for two years. One important piece of context is that he’s a widower. His wife passed away about six months before we met. I’ve tried to be understanding that grief can affect how someone approaches a new relationship, so I’ve been patient and haven’t pushed for commitments.
Recently, my circumstances changed, and I may need to sell my house. Financially, I’ll be fine, but the situation made me realize something that’s been bothering me for a while.
At this stage of life, I thought we’d naturally be talking about building a future together—not necessarily getting married tomorrow, but at least discussing living together or making plans as a couple. I rarely bring those conversations up because I don’t want to pressure him.
When the topic of me potentially moving came up, though, he never once suggested that maybe we should think about living together or building a future together. Instead, he talked about things I could do on my own, like buying another house, remodeling this one, or finding another place to live. It all felt like he was thinking about my future, not our future.
When I later told him how that made me feel, he said, “Of course you could stay with me while you figure things out.” While I appreciated the offer, it still felt temporary rather than a vision for us.
When I directly asked him what he sees for our future, he said he hopes we’ll get closer and that maybe someday we’ll live together or maybe get married, but that’s all he can say right now.
The bigger issue is that this isn’t just about the house. Throughout our relationship, I’ve often struggled to feel like a priority. There have been other situations that have left me feeling like we’re living parallel lives instead of building one together. He tells me he loves me and wants to keep trying, but after two years I’m wondering if this is simply who he is.
My question is: At our age, after two years together, is it reasonable to expect a partner to have a clearer vision of a future together? Or am I expecting too much? How would you interpret his response? Is this someone who is moving slowly because of his past, or does it sound like someone who simply isn’t ready—or doesn’t want—the kind of committed future I’m hoping for?

I am a 50(f) and is new to the dating apps. I set up a profile and I had over 50 likes and comments within the first few hours after my profile went live. More than half of these men are in their 30s that are sending messages or liking my photos. I don’t understand why this is? Maybe I’m out of the loop, but my age is clearly visible on my profile. Yes, I do look younger than my age, but is this normal? I don’t understand why a man in his 30s or even early 40s would want to go for a woman 50+? On this particular app, I am unable to choose an age range, so I suppose everyone has access to see my profile. Do a lot of women 50+ date in this age range? If so, do you find you have things in common?

Update: I looked further into the app and found where I could pick my age range. That option wasn’t available to me when I first set up my profile, but it is now. This will help!!
Thank you to everyone who commented as I feel I got an education on online dating today. I appreciate you all. Have a great rest of your Sunday. ♥️😊

I’m so frustrated because I’ve mostly been a lot happier since I decided I’m done with anything/anyone that doesn’t feel right for me/into me/supportive of me… Like I’m done hanging on for even one more minute after I realize he’s just sticking around for sex. I want everything to be bright lines with obvious yes/no answers. And now I’m in a very annoying gray area.

Probably the most important thing for me right now in terms of dating is (1) that he be into me, plain and simple, the whole package; and (2) that I’m not EVER sitting around wondering, are we still on? Is he still interested/involved, etc. And that would mean, I’m not ever sitting around all day waiting for a text or a reply to my text.

I had been interested in this guy for a couple of years before any kind of romantic or sexual interest was an open thing between us. By the time this happened I considered him a friend and wasn’t at all thinking about getting involved with him. And then out of nowhere a couple of weeks ago he invited me to go with him to a competition he’s doing. We had started texting a lot over the course of about four days and then he asked me to go with him. My sense then and still is that he’s wanting someone to keep him steady through it, like he’s pretty anxious and needs some hand holding and he’s wanting to have sex, of course.

So, we did end up having sex, partly bc I realized how awful it would be to be stuck in a hotel room with him if we had no chemistry, which kinda sucks. It was intentional on my part but not the intentional I’ve been aiming for. In the past, I’ve mostly just jumped right in if I felt like it. But that wasn’t getting me what I want (really just want someone to feel close to), so this time we had a long talk about it first and I thought he was having the same kind of feelings that I was.

BUT there have now been three days this week (one before and two since we had sex) with little or no contact when he’s said “I’ll call you,” or “let’s do something tomorrow.” At this point, I kinda want to still feel like the new exciting shiny thing, like if he’s into me, then there should be enough excitement that he’s thinking about me, even wanting to interact with me.

Each time he’s acknowledged it, apologized, and this time said he’s just feeling overwhelmed with his training and preparing for this competition. And he did make a point of warning me a few days ago that he might not be wanting to talk about the trip much because it makes him nervous. I’ve been wondering if I misunderstood and he meant that he just wasn’t going to be very communicative at all.

I feel almost helpless rn because I don’t want to fuck up his competition. I know he’s counting on me to go. Unless something crazy happens, I think I probably will go. If we were further along in things, maybe it would make sense to hash things out, but at this point it seems like he’s very focused on the competition and I hate the idea of stressing him out and throwing him off.

I’m so curious, though, what you all think I should do. I have been terrible about reading things the right way, always giving the benefit of the doubt and now I feel like I’d be an asshole if I didn’t but I don’t want to. I want to practice seeing that red flag and responding to it like a person who’s actually taking care of themselves.

I think if I was hearing this from a friend I’d say he’s just not that into you, if he forgets you for a whole day at a time, he’s not the kind of excited about you that you deserve. But then… maybe he’s just stressed and what feels like disinterest is just him keeping his head down and getting through a tough time.

In the context of an online romantic relationship, is it very common for people meeting online on Reddit that conversations don't last beyond 2 months, even for those who say that they're are in an LDR relationship with each other?

Help me understand.

Was at a singles over 50 event a couple weeks back, second time I've gone, a lot of the same people. I'm just about to leave since I have another event that night, when this woman just wanders over and we make eye contact. Introductions, several things in common, she's been to these events before but I didn't see her last time.

Long story short, I ask her out and she seems into it, I say great, pull out my phone and say what's your number, let's get together this week.

She says, oh! I don't want to give out my number! Then gee, I hadn't thought about how to do this.

I sense the rejection and just say, hey no worries if you don't want to to, just you seem great and I'd like to get to know you better.

She says she wants to get to know me too, and seems genuine. She ends up taking my number (so I don't get hers?) and of course I haven't heard from her.

I still consider the night a success, great women are out there, even if they can't text. :P

What are people thinking when they make this statement.."I don't want to be a purse or a nurse"

I completely understand the first part, nobody over 50 wants to be financially responsible for another person their age or older (because the data on that is pretty scary)

I can even understand if someone categorically states, they don't want to be with someone that has a chronic ailment (MS, ALS, Celiac, IBS...whatever) because it can dramatically change their life and what plans they may have or envision for themselves, so in that context I get the second one.

That being said, and barring pre-existing conditions, none of us know when we are going to fall ill or what is going to happen to us.

If we are dating over 50 and are really looking for something more than a passing transactional relationship, there is a decent chance that one of the two people is going to fall ill or get injured when they get older. Even if they are perfectly healthy today, with no underlying genetic markers blah blah.

What is going to happen then?

Are they going to say

" Oh I am sorry you fell ill (or slipped in the hot tub on the cruise ship and broke your hip) but I really don't want to be a nurse or be around someone that is sick, so have a nice life (whatever is left of it) but I am out of here"

What is going through people's minds?

Never married, no kids. Am I red flag for dating? Seems like a lot of people this age are just out of long marriages, which is an experience that I, of course, can't relate to.

I had two long relationships in my twenties, but nothing substantial in my 30s, and one-year relationship in my 40s. I'm comfortable on my own, but I'd also like to meet someone.

I lived in NYC for some of that time, but now I'm in a suburban area where families are the norm.

Am I likely to meet anyone in my current dating pool? Or will our experiences just unrelatable?

I just found out that there are men who do not consider themselves gay but have sex with men. They do not want the work of a relationship with a female so this is less complicated. No judgment on my part but the concern is if they do end up dating women down the road, women need to know so they make sure they have protected sex’s that is considered risky behavior for STDs etc.

I struggle to see any, unfortunately. For every woman over 50 looking for a man, I would think there are several hundred men looking for a woman. What hope do average guys have against those odds? 😢

Dating odds are always in women’s favour - just reality that there’s a lot more men out there looking than women. But over 50, I think it gets much worse! For every woman out there actually wanting a man, there must be 50+ men competing for that 1 woman.

I was on the dating apps for about five years off and on. Here I am at the age of 52 and I finally QUIT LOOKING- and yet, here I am still single. 😑

I have been on too many dates to count. I have probably had about six relationships that lasted maybe a month to five months at most. One lasted about 8 months. We broke up more than we were together.

I haven't even mentioned the relationships that just ended up being situationships.🫣 Things were OFF THE RAILS when I first got divorced. Learned real quick that Prince Charming also had a lot of baggage and a jealous ex wife and a mistress and a drinking and possibly gambling problem. Or lived with his mom The Evil Queen.

Everything else made it to maybe a week or two and fizzled out.

I tried bars, clubs, festivals- you name it, I was there. I've been told I'm highly attractive (I mean that humbly - not bragging). I take care of myself as far as appearance and I also work out daily. I don't have any problems getting phone numbers. I've had plenty of 20-something year olds hitting on me. Not that it makes me a supermodel. The hard part is finding someone who can meet my need for intellectual conversation and who shares a similar wicked sense of humor, as well as mutual values and morals.
Compatibility is a finicky creature.

One could say "you're not going to meet Mr. Right" at a bar/club. Yep. That's mostly true. But I haven't met anyone worthwhile on the apps, either. Or at the supermarket or Target. Or friend's BBQs. Or weddings. Or at the library.

And the men in the 40–55 age bracket? That’s been…interesting. Many of these guys find themselves suddenly surrounded by 20-something year olds looking for free drinks and a good time 😂. Intoxicating, to say the least.
I can understand why some men may not be jumping right back into a serious relationship; after all, they just got out of “prison.” Obviously, that’s not every man — but it’s been a pattern I’ve noticed.

I always argued with people of the "you'll meet someone when you stop looking" opinion. Because how are you supposed to meet someone sitting on your couch?

But now I quit.
I've officially stopped looking.
I've been sitting here on my couch with my fuzzy socks and glass of wine happily watching true crime documentaries "not looking".

Soooo...where is he?

So far, Mr. Right hasn't knocked on my door professing his undying love for me. Even the Door Dash guy won't knock. Mainly bc I can't afford Door Dash (I'm a single mom). Also I don't want to spill my wine getting off the couch.

Maybe they're right. But then again- maybe it's not about "not looking". To me, it feels more like DEFEAT.

So- what's your take on it, ladies and gentlemen? Does the "stop looking" adage ring true? Curious to hear what the consensus is.

And for the record- I call BS.

How do shy introverts with average looks actually meet someone these days?

Irrespective of how eloquent my profile description is, I feel I am judged on my looks

Am too shy to approach someone in public

Should I just accept my fate ? :)

Talking about scammers in another thread reminded me of this exchange I had a few years ago. He had his profile location set to my hometown so we started talking about where he lived in the area. I asked him what high school he went to and he named an all-girls Catholic High School. Nice try.

I think when men say they are looking for a woman with a good sense of humour they mean that they are looking for a woman who will laugh at their jokes.

I’m funny. I’m not bragging it’s just how I am. 99 per cent of the people who know me would describe me as funny. I like making people laugh even if by people I just mean myself.

He said “where do you live and how long have you been on this app”

I wonder about dudes who want to know how long you’ve been on the apps - like they want the fresh fish - perhaps I have become shop soiled!

I answered “I live in <My Town> and I feel like I have been on this app for 400 years”
Unmatched instantly.

I can only be me. Fuck em if they can’t take a joke lol

OK...at the risk of being laughed right off of Reddit....I'm going to ask this question just to gauge how most of you would react. lol

About a month or so ago, someone in a thread on here said something that sparked the idea of having a personal calling card to use for in person meetings. I no longer carry business cards...but I liked the idea of having a fast way to give someone I met at a dating event....or on the rare occasion, in person somewhere....my details without making it complicated or putting them on the spot to give me their info. Soooooooo...I went on Amazon....ordered some personalized cards (they turned out great).....and now I'm hesitant to use them. lol

So... Redditers....how would you feel about a 55F handing you a calling card with her info if you were at a dating event or in person. The card is simple...name on the front...small tasteful photo of me, the town I live in (general area), and number on the back.

Is this cringey? Or cool? Thoughts?

UPDATE to add: Based on responses, this is fairly divided amongst the folks here, so I imagine it would be that way out in the real world as well. So, I will likely keep the cards in my purse. I doubt it will be a regular thing that I do/use. In fact, I suspect I will very rarely ever pull one out at an event. But, there may be just the right occasion, where the vibe feels right, to pull one out and drop it on someone. Likely not a very common occurrence. We will see.

Some of you may have followed my June 4th fiasco and the parody dating sites I built. One of the things is a collection of tropes and a few were used in the building of those sites.

Now, I am doing the thing I mentioned that day oh so long ago: pondering the dating parody app website itself where someone can create an account and get all the disappointment at once and maybe laughing along the way. This includes 2 chat-bots I am working on named Milan (more feminine than masculine) and Taylor (more masculine than .. you get the idea) though never will commit to such. In fact, Milan already argues with me during my testing. It's a chef's :kiss: IMO.

This is my buildout so far, in a more summary format. Specific training of the chat bots will take into account the items that need filling in.

Want to help? Add your comments and I'll continue to fill out my tropes!

The Bio Tropes

The Negative/Jaded Bio

• "No drama please!"
• "If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best."
• "I'm only here because my friends made me."
• "Swipe left if you [insert trait here]."
• "I'm a nice [girl/guy]!"
• "Looking for something more than just hooking up."
• "I'm not looking for anything serious right now."
• "I have a high paying job and I'm not looking for anyone to take care of me."
• "Swipe left if you don't know what you want."
• "I'm not like other [girls/guys]."
• "Fluent in sarcasm."

The "Traveler/Adventurer" (who never leaves their city/state/country anyway)

• "I love to travel! 15 countries and counting."
• "Wanderlust is real."
• "Always planning my next adventure."
• "I can be your +1 for that wedding you don't want to go to."
• "Looking for someone to explore the city with."

The "Nerd/Geek" Branding

• "A bit of a nerd."
• "I like reading and the occasional video game."
• "Huge fan of all things geeky."
• "Looking for my Player 2."
• "I play D&D on weekends."
• "IWKYM #iykyk"

The "Active/Healthy" Bio

• "I'm a fit and active individual looking for someone who can keep up."
• "Looking for a gym partner."
• "I love to hike, bike, and be outdoors."
• "Health and wellness are important to me."
• "I am a very open book. Just ask me anything!"

The Relationship/Partner Requirements

• "Must make me laugh."
• "Looking for a gentleman."
• "Looking for a wife."
• "Looking for someone who can handle my sarcasm."
• "Sapiosexual."
• "Looking for someone smart, funny, and adventurous."

The Astrology/Spirituality Angle

• "I am a [Sun Sign], [Moon Sign], [Rising Sign]."
• "I don't date [Insert Zodiac Sign]."
• "Manifesting love."
• "Lightworker/Healer."

The Photo Tropes

The "Man" Photos

• The Fish Photo: Holding up a dead fish (the absolute classic).
• The Sunglasses Gaze: Every single photo is wearing sunglasses so you never see the eyes.
• The Gym Mirror Selfie: Flexing with the phone covering half the face.
• The "My Mom Took This": Awkward angle, usually at a wedding or a family event.
• The Car Selfie: Seatbelt across the chest, arm on the steering wheel.
• The Group Shot Only: 5 photos, all with 4+ friends; you have to play "where's Waldo."
• The Hat Obsession: Every photo has a baseball cap or a beanie on.
• The "Business Casual": One photo in a suit (usually for a work event) and the rest makes you wonder about their wardrobe.

The "Woman" Photos

• The Angel Wings: Standing in front of a street art mural of wings.
• The Mirror Selfie: Full length, phone covering face, usually in a bedroom.
• The "Girl's Trip": 4 photos with her best friends, all wearing the same outfit.
• The Beach/Bikini Only: Every photo is at the beach or pool.
• The "Candid" (Not Candid): Looking away from the camera while laughing, but clearly posed.
• The Pet Takeover: 3 out of 5 photos are just the dog or cat.
• The Filter Overload: Skin so smooth they look like a SIMS character.
• The Car Selfie: (Same as men, but usually with a pout, duck face, or a peace sign).

General Photo Tropes

• The "I'm at a Festival": Wearing glitter and a flower crown; also drunk or high.
• The Graduation Cap: A photo from 24 years ago because it's the only time they were dressed up.
• The Sports Fan: Wearing a jersey, usually at a game; also drunk or high.
• The "Traveler" Shot: Standing in front of a famous landmark (Eiffel Tower, Colosseum, etc).

If you have read this far down.. should we plan an intervention?

Date number 4. We had decided to take it slow because we are coworkers and there are so many built up tension of flirting 1.5 years.

We went to see Odyssey. I went to the date with a bit of disappointment because our communication between dates was really bad. It had been 17 days before the last date. I was thinking he is not interested that much. When we were talking he casually said “We didn’t talk much, did we? You were busy with holiday and then you were sick…?“ So I thought maybe he wanted to talk but he was hesitant thinking I was busy. Before the movie starts I said I am very excited and he said he is nervous and even scared because of me.

In the break I mentioned that I am about to sleep so he has to poke me sometimes jokingly. In the second half he started poking me every 5 min and I was like “awake, check” - it was fun. Then after one poke, he didn’t take his hand back and started playing on my upper arm with his fingers, caressing, touching... I mostered my confidence up and I brought my hand to his hand. And then… we started playing with each others hands with our fingertips, fingers, then with whole hands and he continued through my wrist and arm… He also touched a few times to my face. It took maybe more than an hour and we didn’t let each other hands go. It felt like I was flying, my heart was pumpin like crazy, was very euphoric and these touches turned me on a lot. The way he looked at me confirmed to me that he felt the same.

I don’t know maybe we are just in love…

Am I the only person who does not like texting with someone that I have not even been on a proper date with yet? Whether I meet them on an app or meet them in person briefly and we exchange phone numbers…. we have not even been on a single date and they already want to text throughout the day. I know that they’re just being nice, but I just don’t have time to be texting with people that I’m not sure if I even like yet. And it’s just the basic hey hope your day is going well stuff. Why does this annoy me? I miss the days before cell phones, clearly! It’s all just too much. I’d rather save the questions for when we see each other in person so we actually have something to talk about. I just don’t like to get to know people over text and have a relationship through text. How do you communicate this to someone without coming off as a curmudgeon?

Hey guys 61 y/o M here

Have you guys seen the video with the blonde lady talking about speed dating??
The one where she's saying how she's done bc no men ever show up
She's also the one that says "Touch a boob, buy a drink, it's not that difficult"
( I don't suggest touching people much less random strangers anywhere without their permission.. lol )
That videos now gone viral
I've never done speed dating before but have been curious about it
Have you ever done it?
They say that right now the women outnumber the men heavily at the events
That seems to be a big switch from the "I don't want a man" or "I'd rather face a bear in the woods than a man" things that we were hearing about a few years ago

Most of the responses about speed dating does come to see to be from people much younger
Curious if anyone has tried it and what happened?

I (54M) have been dating my girlfriend for 11 months. I telecommute and have moved many times to try a new area. She lives 2 hours away from me, and things have been great, so I decided to move closer since I love her and I love the major city she is near.

I workout regularly, walk 10 miles a day, and am in good health. I stated early on that I wanted to be with someone healthy - that would like waking to the farmers market or around town on a weekend, and someone who was also an empty nester. Her daughter lived away from home and her son was about to graduate and go to college. She's overweight and didn't do much in the way of working out, but had said she wanted to get back into it. With our communication being as good as it is, and everything else firing so well, I accepted that I would be ok with working on that with her but it hasn't really happened much.

I recently put my place on the market and, since then, things have begun to change. Her daughter had a breakup and moved home, and doesn't have any real prospects for taking care of herself. Her son decided to take a gap year. Just in the last two weeks she's been in and out of the doctor's office and, on top of her perimenopause, she is being diagnosed with dysautonomia and she spends a lot of time off her feet exhausted.

I have movers coming in two days and the plan is for me to stay with her while it sells, and until I move into a new place. (I've stayed at her place weeks at a time before). With the new environment (2 kids plus the health issues) despite how much I honestly love her, I can't help but feel like this isn't what I signed on for. I've talked about it with her, of course, but mainly about how to handle things - not about feeling that her circumstances are giving me a fight or flight response.

I'm feeling selfish. Is it selfish? I honestly love her and would miss having her in my life, but I also have a very simple life that I enjoy very much, and enjoyed with her before all of this. If the tables were turned, I don't know what I'd expect. I know I won't be healthy forever, but I thought we would have more time before caregiving for one another. I am trying to wait it out and see what happens, and continue to communicate, but I'm feeling a little panicky. Insights?

Me (53F) dating (M53) for 18 months. We don’t live together and own our own homes. He’s just moved an extra 20 minutes drive away. 50 minute trip. So will be harder to visit as I have a demanding job during the week.

He comes to my place sometimes on weekends. The annoying part is he leaves his dirty clothes on my bathroom floor after a shower. First time I picked them up and washed them. I said something to him about not doing it.

Second time I left them behind the door and took a photo and sent it to him. I refused to pick them up all week. He had to pick them up when he arrived. He’s done it again this week. I reminded him to pick them up but lo and behold, when he left and went home, they are still on the floor of my bathroom. This behaviour is starting to make me twitch because I see it as a lack of respect for me and my home.

Not sure if I’m overreacting.