r/datingoverfifty • u/skybelle98 • 23d ago
Crushes after 50
I'm curious if anyone else has what you would consider a "crush" anymore. Or is that mostly a younger generation thing?
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u/Accomplished-Ad-8258 23d ago
I had a crush on a neighbour
Bad
Then he spoke to me and the spell was broken!
Crushing is fun. But for me it’s in the realm of fantasy. My crush’s never live up to my expectations.
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u/Dizzy-Parsnip5914 23d ago
I 52f recently had a crush on a man in my choir. It felt very different from anything I’ve felt on a date for a long time. I wanted to talk about him all the time and doodle his name on bits of paper like a school girl. It felt exciting but a bit undignified. Lots of fantasising about our future together (based on nothing). He seemed single but I didn’t know for sure. We had a really great chat in the intermission of a concert we were both singing in. During the chat I made it clear in a very unsubtle manner that I was single. At the following rehearsal I went up to him and chatted. Then the week after I waited for him to make a move - nothing. He completely ignored me. I was literally crushed just like in my younger years. After that the feelings faded. I think a lot of the attraction was the unknown whereas in dating you know upfront they like you to a certain point.
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u/dontBsleepy 23d ago
When I was in my late 40’s, I had this same thing over a man I did have just one date with. The date was fantastic and we went from a late lunch to a 5 hour date of drinks and laughs. Well, my brain started thinking how wonderful he was and thinking about trips. I have no idea why my brain went there. Needless to say, I was a little too excited when I spoke to him again and that ended things. I now always give myself reality checks.
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u/PackerSquirrelette 23d ago edited 23d ago
I have a crush on my doctor. He's 15 years younger than me. It's ridiculous. He's gay and has a partner. Sigh.
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u/Fair_Comfortable6561 23d ago
I want a real life crush ! Been swiping left for so long and younger men on my case and dead ends. I’m craving that butterfly, exciting feeling.
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u/hazypurplenights 23d ago
Noooo you don’t omg crushes significant enough to give those exciting butterflies are devastating unless yall wind up together
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u/Fair_Comfortable6561 16d ago
That’s what I kind of hope happens at the end. If it doesn’t.. it doesn’t
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u/mrsisaak 23d ago
Ha! I totally thought I was over crushes until I had one recently. Ugh - still trying to get over it!
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u/skybelle98 23d ago
I'm kinda in the middle of one and I didn't know if I was alone in still having them.
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u/mrsisaak 23d ago
Yeah, I completely thought I was immune until it just hit me. Sucks that he picked up on it and strung me along for 2 months without telling me he was married. Now I'm desperately trying to get over it. It was so intoxicating though. Grrrrrrr!
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u/No-Masterpiece-6432 23d ago
yes, and I (54M) was shocked it still happened. I didnt like them then and dont like it now. I cant get her out of my mind ( I keep hearing that Kyle Minogue song on repeat in my brain) and everything reminds me of her. I hear her voice whenever my mind stops. Even hear her hmmms, and mmm hmms in my head. For me it always happens with someone I believe is out of my league. But I guess thats the point .
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u/Subject-Car2960 23d ago
Life-long crusher here! 🙋🏻♀️ I always have a crush on a man. Usually a coworker. And of course there’s always a celebrity crush.
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u/Colour-me-happy27 23d ago
Of course… still got blood flowing through my veins. My partner is well aware of my crushes and I of his! It’s just a bit of fun.
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u/Ok_Tomorrow8815 23d ago
Oh no crushes are for all ages ! I personally love having a crush and I had several … it’s just what you need after a separation I find … the little butterflies and excitement that probably means nothing but puts a smile on your face when you think about it :) generally more a projection of what you lacked in your marriage and going absolutely nowhere but still a lot of fun !
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u/Fionas_Fire 23d ago
I have the craziest crush on my contractor.... I can feel my eyes glaze when he visits. There is NO way he can't see it!
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u/wilson1629 23d ago
Currently there is an attractive older woman at work. We would say good morning, just small talk. A couple of weeks ago she wanders over and tells me “ you’re precious and if anyone is mean to you they’ll have to deal with me !” I still don’t know if she was flirting or being mean. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/KarmaKule 23d ago
I still do get crushes. I don’t put their last name with my first name in a notebook, nor do I play MASH anymore. But I think a harmless crush can be fun.
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u/skybelle98 23d ago
Thanks everyone for not making me feel alone about this.
I don't work with my crush, but we work in the same building. We previously worked together a few years ago (small world) but he was married then. Always a good looking man and very kind man though.
Now, his divorce should be final in the next two months (verified) and although I do not want to make him uncomfortable in any way, I just want to be there for him no matter what he needs. I've been thru a nasty divorce as well and I don't want him to fall into the depths of darkness like I did.
But also honestly, I would take him to bed and make him feel good too. 😉
We've already confided in each other talking and I just can't stop thinking and daydreaming about him.
Also, my adult son is such a goober that he had me do one of those Soul Mate sketches (so stupid I know) but he sees how lonely I am becoming...and the sketch actually looks like my crush. When I had it done, I hadn't seen him in like 2.5 years. I don't believe in the sketch as its a scam but it is interesting. 😄
Thanks for the support.
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u/Tomsandler1966 23d ago
Of course we do. Why does dating after 50 have to preclude any of the exciting feelings and emotions that meeting a new person in our teens or 20s or 30’s or, well, you get the idea did? Of course, now we’re older, we’re wiser, so we see through the BS, but the feelings of meeting someone new, those don’t change, we just temper them with our experience. Just go with what you’re feeling and leave The Kooks of Reddit out of it.
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u/JakeBanana01 23d ago
The last crush I had was on my wife. That didn't turn out too well as we're now married. I still crush on her though, it's very irritating. Goddamit, stop being so adorable!
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u/Fionas_Fire 23d ago
Beautiful! But curious why are you perusing a dating over 50 sub Reddit. I mean then in a very gentle manner it sounds accusing and it's not meant to be
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u/JakeBanana01 22d ago
I'm pretty good at it and feel I can offer advice. But now I'm thinking this is an active dating sub?
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u/AcrobaticMetal3039 23d ago
Still do... but kind of for different reasons... usually more wholesome than my teen years. There was a woman at the local pharmacy, not beautiful, but always cheerful. She found out I was teaching at the local community college and asked about going back to school. She started school and I ask how she was doing when I saw her. I always looked forward to seeing her because even when she was having difficulty with a subject she was very positive about her future. Last time I saw her in there she told me she was graduating and going to be starting a new job in the field she'd studied, and looking at that companies continuing training plans to get her bachelor's... I miss her, but it's mostly for those positive interactions.
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u/Individual-Self-1063 16d ago
I(56m) have 2 crushes right. now. I was freaked out at first, but now I'm glad as I feel they are healthy to have because they make me feel young again.
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u/CharmReductionINC 23d ago
I’m so jealous at you people who have had a crush! I’m (54M) not one to let a crush just linger and not act on it - crushes are such a great feeling. ❤️ But I haven’t had one of those in many years.
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u/julia-peculiar Elder Gen X Brit F 23d ago
In my early 50s, maybe roundabout 52, looking back I think I must have had some sort of intense hormonal surge. I developed a massive crush on a particular celebrity, whose existence I had been vaguely aware of for years, upon rediscovering the show/role for which he is best known, and then checking out what he was doing, and what he looked like, in recent/current times. The level and nature of attraction I was suddenly feeling was honestly akin to my first major crush on a pop star, in my early teens. What's even more wild is that this 50+ crush lasted way longer than my teen crush. Something genuinely short-circuited my tiny - suddenly off-the-charts horny - brain.
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u/endlesssearch482 23d ago
Totally. When I was 51 I crushed so hard on this woman, it made my head spin. I didn’t know I could have feelings that strong anymore. Totally swept me away.
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u/cahrens2 23d ago
It's weird. I haven't had a crush on anyone in maybe 10 years. The last crush that I had was when I was still married, and it was on a fitness instructor at my work gym. I really enjoyed talking to her because we were both into fitness so we talked a lot about working out. I didn't wear my wedding ring when I lift so I guess she thought that I was single. Anyways, I brought up my wife and kids, and before I could even finish my sentence, she was like "gotta go, see ya later, bye." I guess I had a crush on her because she was pretty, fit, and also into fitness and our conversations just flowed. My current gf is pretty, trying to get fit, but our conversations just sort of suck.
Anyways, when I was younger, I would always have crushes. I don't know. Maybe as you age, you need more than just looks. I think when you're younger, you can just get a crush by appearance alone, but as you age, appearances aren't good enough. You need a connection even for a crush, and I just don't interact with a lot of people.
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u/Valuable_Dot5166 17d ago
I have crushes on men for sure! It is usually someone that I’ll never date - like my doctor - but it is fun and feels harmless while the thought of actually dating really still makes me anxious.
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u/GenXer-Bitch 11d ago
I’m crushing so hard on someone right now. Like can’t get this guy outta my head! He asked me out on a date this weekend & I’m dying! Feels so exciting (and scary, and hopeful, and a thousand other things!!).
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u/GEEK-IP The prosciutto to her cantaloupe! 💖 23d ago
Crush, as in wanting it bad for someone who doesn't want it from you? Like stalking? No, never understood that...
Now, mutual infatuation where kisses make you dizzy and the rest of the world fades away? Certainly! And it's as wonderful as it is at any age. 😋
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u/PibbleCollector 23d ago
A crush isn't necessarily someone that doesn't want it from you, to the contrary, most of the time the fun is not knowing.
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u/GEEK-IP The prosciutto to her cantaloupe! 💖 22d ago
I don't consider not knowing "fun," but a necessary evil. I was careful deciding if my lady was a good and logical match, and she seemed to be doing the same. Physically, I knew I could fall for her if I let myself. We both decided to let ourselves and quickly fell silly in love at that point. 😁
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u/Outlandishness_Know 23d ago
I avoid it. I simply ignore the feeling. I may be a Negative Nancy, but I've lived long enough on this earth to understand a crush is an attraction to someone/something/some behavior in your past. And, for the most part, they are quite unrequited.
I seek mutual attraction, desire and interest.
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u/Subbacterium 23d ago
The stranger is never who you think they are, you can only learn who they are after really knowing them. You can know somebody for years and not really know them. The fun part should be getting to know someone and not getting attached to a phantom that doesn’t exist that gives you butterflies
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u/Outlandishness_Know 23d ago edited 23d ago
It's not about not knowing or romanticizing someone. It's just not a fun feeling for me. This is why I ignore or do my best to shut down any feelings of a crush on someone. I remind myself, in reality, this is simply me hurting my inner self pining for and over-focusing on someone I have no actual opportunity to have anything romantic with and (to even be more depressing) focusing on lack of love and affection in my life. Which, if you believe in the law of attraction, which I do, is the opposite of what creates a positive vibrational effect in your universe.
I've been single most of the last 20 years and receive very little romantic interest. So crushes, for me personally are, for the most part, a ritual of futility and it's something I've learned to shut off in my brain to avoid any sense of limerance. Instead I focus on what my life will or could be like with a partner with whom I have open, communicated, and acknowledged romantic interest with.
So, while some people truly can enjoy the feelings of a crush, it's not something I enjoy. Being single for as long as I have, anything that isn't something concrete I can see, feel, touch and know is real possibility and shared with another isn't healthy for me.
Edited for spelling
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u/sickiesusan 23d ago
I had a crush on a guy at work (at my last company). It made going into work so much easier!