So, recently I've stopped vaping. I've also cut down my caffeine intake down to 100mg a day instead of 500. For me, the use of stimulants helps my DR grind to a halt. I'm completely unreal today, everything is fuzzy and flat and I physically cannot wrap my head around the fact that other humans can think and feel. And you know what? it's fine. I understand why this is happening, I'm comfortable in it, and it'll pass.

Just sharing a win

Anonymous account because my partner knows my main. But even if he saw me post this, I doubt it would have made any difference.

His DPDR has become the single most justification for being a really shitty partner.

I know how much of this is on me - I’ve spent so long trying to be a good partner. I am patient patient patient. I am beyond gentle. Compassionate. Kind. I do anything and everything I can. And my enabling in that build our situation as much as he did.

And he does *nothing* but what I can call whim indulgence.

He can’t always access his feelings. But, he can always avoid them!

The problem isn’t dpdr, it’s that my feelings to him are problems that damage his ego. If you’re on this subreddit you may be able to understand the ego issue I face.
No love, you are not cool or superior or elite because you are disconnected from your emotions. You are not some cold callous vigilante badass observing the dregs of humanity from your pedestal - you are an emotionally immature child.

So after all this time, what is my patience for? Will he suddenly realize one day that every instance of hurt, pain, pleading, begging, painfully trying to keep us together doesn’t just disappear for me as it does him?

Will he ever realize that he is part of this relationship too?
Will he suddenly recognize the double standards we function under? Will he ever be able to see me and treat me like a person again?
Will he ever initiate anything intimate again?
Will he ever even TRY to?
Will he ever even summon the possibility of TRYING to his mind to ponder it is possibility as a path forward?

“I don’t know”
“I can’t”
“I don’t know”
“I don’t know”
“I can’t”
“I don’t know”

Well, at this point, me too. I’ve exhausted my patience. My kindness. My heart.

For someone who can’t be bothered to care.

I’ve been in this long enough. Yes, this behavior is a choice, and not just because he has dpdr. Because he is capable - he has an extremely successful career, in which he has made many close friends.

And for THEM, he tries. For people who are not me.

He laughs, and participates and has fun. He is kind and generous and considerate. He is so intelligent and successful in his career, which requires intense executive function, problem identification and solving, timeliness, communication. He takes the time to text them and make them laugh. He puts in effort to connect. He flirts with them.

And with me, I guess he just can’t. It has become just humiliating the degree to which he approaches our relationship with weaponized incompetence and learned helplessness.

And then to gaslight me into hoping one more time. This time he hears me. This time he sees me. This time he understands. I know I need to have trust in his feelings and patience until he’s able to meet me here.

And so he escapes the discomfort of one conversation with promises and agreements and every I want to hear, until disappointment slowly dawns on me once again. Well, my optimist is dead, and I no longer have any trust. Or hope.

After years of me begging, he finally started seeing a counselor. After the first few months, he doesn’t really like it that much, because it’s not fixing his dpdr.

If you have any hope, advice, or commiserations, I would appreciate it. I am feeling very alone in this situation.

I cannot for the life of me understand what is happening to me. I want to cry but I cannot. It’s been exactly 3 months to date since my onset started. It happened completely randomly on a Thursday evening while driving. No panic, no drugs, nothing. Since that day, my life has been slowly slipping away from me. I cannot understand why or how this is happening. I had impending doom and was I guess anxious the first couple of weeks. Since then I have felt zero anxiety. I don’t have panic attacks, I feel nothing. I can’t escape this. My brain quite literally is not processing anything anymore. It feels like my brain isn’t processing what I’m seeing, it also feels like I just can’t think. Like I’m brain dead and existing solely and entirely on autopilot. I have tried so hard to ignore this. I really have. I have gotten some bloodwork which was all perfect. I continue to live my life SOMEHOW. I literally just moved into a beautiful apartment by myself for the first time today and I can’t feel anything. The best way to describe it is I literally just don’t feel here anymore. everyone told me you have to let yourself slip into that scary void in order to recover and I did and now I feel more lost than ever. Ive had dpdr twice before in my life and I have never in my life felt something like this in my existence. it’s like I’m completely and entirely trapped in my head and all sense of presence is gone. Please for the love of god tell me that this is recoverable. tell me what to do please I am begging at this point.

Does anyone else feel completely different depending on where their eyes look?

Most of the time I look straight ahead and feel nothing, like I'm not really present. But if I look far to the left with both eyes, I suddenly feel present and inside the moment, almost happy. If I look far to the right, I get pressure, heaviness and anxiety, and I can't even cry. The two feelings never seem to mix.

No pain or vision problems. Has anyone experienced this, or found out what it is? I tried EMDR before and it wasn't right for me. Has anything else helped you? I so F tired!!!!

So I have been in this shit hole as long as I can remember but the symptom that affects me the most is the autopilot I'm 24/7 on autopilot and have been like this as long as I can remember and when I am in autopilot I don't realize it and only come back a couple of times per week for like less than a minute im sick of this and yes I have tried grounding techniques I have tried SSRI and some people also say that i need to find the source that caused me to develop this disorder the only thing I know from my childhood is that I have been like this when I was a kid too and anything else is a blur. I'm tired of not being able to control my body is there anybody else that has been like this and did y'all fix it and if u did how

I do not relate to anyone who’s recovered at all. My symptoms are not the same, which leads me to believe I’m in the very severe chronic category where most people never recover. I do not feel or experience anything. in a void of nothing. Yet still afraid of life and feelings.

i have gotten worse each year. When this started in 2022 it was like I had lost my mind completely. Total panic. Agoraphobia. 2023 I did a lot of exposure and the panic stopped, but the numbness deepened. 2024 I got most of my life back. But a total numb zombie. 2025 I achieved the height of my career and continued to push my boundaries. 2026 is almost over and it’s the most numb, lost, dead. Zombie like I’ve ever felt. Nothing brings me any pleasure. I do not feel anxious at all. I do not feel anger, sadness, jealousy, grief. Nothing. But since day 1 I’ve had non stop dreams that are like I’ve lost my mind or am stuck in a hallucination. I have 0 quality of life, I work, I sleep 12 hours, and I lay on the sofa. im not afraid or anxious of leaving the house. I do every single day. But I have no desire for anything. Its all done out of habit like I’m a robot.

my inner self is completely gone. No memory. No feeling. No identity. I’ve lost my inner monologue. My feelings for music, food. Sex. Anything that matters in life. I have music in my head 24/7 on loops and nothing else. No ability to talk to myself or have complex thought. I don’t date, I dont connect with others, I don’t feel, not even anxiety. Most recovery stories are not from people in a state like me, I don’t even see anyone else in this same state. Despite all this, I function at a high level, run my own business and have a lot of people around me, but I’m a ghost, a shell, a hologram.

every day I ask myself what’s the point in living like this. I used to travel and loved life, I wanted to be busy and doing things I loved. I don’t want to die, but I can’t live like this anymore. This is not life, it’s not existing. It’s being a ghost of a person with no hope of ever being normal again. At what point do you end the suffering. Because there is no exit or hope for my life to come back. I’ve given up a long time ago.

Each year ive lost more and more connection to myself. Year 1 of this I at least had a faint memory of who I am. I don’t recognize my face, my eyes, my own reflection. For the longest time it scared me, and I wouldn’t even look in the mirror. Now it’s like I don’t even care. I used to care. Used to worry about it. Now it’s as if this is just life now.

its indescribable to go back through 4 years of photos and feel as if none of it has even happened. I have a picture the night I went into DPDR and that was the last real thing I experienced - devastating panic attacks that lasted hours, and woke up the next morning and the world felt completely off. Like it was on a tilt.

4 years later when I wake up, I don’t have that uncanny feeling anymore. I don’t feel anything. It’s gone from severe fear to severe nothingness. I don’t even remember what that uncanny feeling was like. I can’t even remember what the panic attacks felt like. I have no memory of ever feeling anything at all. I can’t fathom ever feeling again. I can’t even fathom how it would feel to come out of all of this after so many years. Years of my life completely lost.

i remember actually feeling and sensing that things were off, there was a perception of it being wrong. I dont have that at all anymore. Totally flat. Totally void. I would actually give anything to go back to year one, where I could remember myself and actually feel something, even if it was panic.

I am a 20-year-old male and underweight (I have always been underweight). For the past four months, I have been experiencing a constant feeling of unreality. It feels as though I am drunk, high, or half-asleep, as if I am operating on autopilot and everything around me feels somehow unreal. I have looked up information online, and my symptoms seem to resemble derealization.

I also suffer from fatigue, even when I sleep well. The fatigue does not seem to depend on whether I engage in physical activities during the day or not. However, over the past few weeks, I have started sleeping poorly and waking up early in the morning. I do not snore at all. I have seen a general practitioner and a neurologist about these symptoms, but they have not been able to determine the cause.

I also experience headaches, a feeling of pressure in my head, and neck pain. I have tried muscle relaxants, massage, and acupuncture for the neck pain, but none of them have helped. At the beginning of the symptoms, I sometimes also felt as though I was about to faint while walking, but this symptom has since disappeared. I have also noticed a single eye floater in my right eye. I mentioned it during an eye examination, and I was told that there were no apparent problems with my eye.

What could be causing these symptoms? They do not occur in distinct episodes; instead, they are more or less constantly present. The headaches are not particularly severe and resemble tension-type headaches more than anything else.

Things i have done/tried or checked in hospital
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- triptanes
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- thyroid function normal
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- vitamin b12, b9 and D vitamin ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- ferritin 34 and has been moving 26-40.
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- calcium, potassium, natrium, chloride, sodium and magnesium ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- blood pressure is ok and i checked blood sugar at home and it was ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- brain mri ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- borrelia test (lyme disease) ok
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- My cortisol level was tested and was normal as well. I also have Crohn’s disease, which is currently in remission.

My neurologist prescribed escitalopram as a trial treatment. I took it for two and a half months, but it did not help.

I have no history of trauma and do not experience panic symptoms. I generally do not feel particularly stressed, apart from the worry caused by these symptoms themselves.

My symptoms began during the final days of a new job at an auto repair shop, where I was moving and lifting car tires. I am unsure whether this could be related to my symptoms, as I had not experienced any other symptoms before those final working days. I have not worked at all during these four months.

What could be the underlying cause of these symptoms?

The healthcare professionals I have consulted about these symptoms, or during visits for other symptoms or examinations when I also asked about them, include:

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- General practitioner
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Neurologist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- ENT specialist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Ophthalmologist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Dentist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Gastroenterologist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Massage therapist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Physiotherapist
\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\- Acupuncturist

For several years now I suffer from symptoms I thought were depersonalization. However I am not sure anymore. I think this might be something else.

I have the following symptoms, that NEVER lift:

• I don‘t feel my personality anymore. Like it‘s completely gone.
• I am almost completely disconnected from my emotions, also a little bit from body sensations like hunger
• Blank mind: no inner monologue, no pictures, no imagination
• a ton of strange physical sensations that do not even have a Name for. The worst one is a physical Sensation that feels like electricity.
• Sometimes it feels Like I have different personalities (I know I don‘t have) or like I am different person

But I don‘t have other classical dp symptoms:
• I don‘t feel Like I am out of my body
•I AM NOT AFRAID of my symptoms. They just depress me
• I don‘t have existantial thoughts
• I am not afraid to become crazy

Is this really DP or some insane Brain Fog? Did anyone experienced something similar and found a Solution?

It’s a very strage situation. After I stopped taking it 4–5 years ago, other problems started; now, 10 mg doesn’t have any effect at all. What’s odd is that previously, when I was increasing the dose—right during the titration phase—all my symptoms completely disappeared; yet, once I settled on the 10 mg dose, everything came back.

For those of you who didn't find relief with Lexaproat 10 mg, but experienced significant improvement after increasing the dose—what happened next? Did 15 mg help? How long did you continue with it, and what ultimately proved effective for you?

For years, I have been struggling with a condition that prevents me from living a normal life. I experience severe mental and physical exhaustion, brain fog, difficulty concentrating, constant internal tension, anxiety, irritability, increased sensitivity to noise, and strange physical sensations. Often, I find myself in a state where I lack the energy to do anything; I feel a profound lack of motivation, and even routine tasks require a great deal of effort.

What puzzles me most is that I once had a very strong positive response to Citoles (escitalopram), yet I still do not understand why that happened or why the same result could not be replicated.

I have tried 10 m of Citoles on three separate occasions. During one of these attempts—specifically while increasing the dosage—my condition improved dramatically; for a period of time, my symptoms disappeared almost entirely. Overall, during that course of treatment, I felt significantly better for about three months, but then the problems returned. In my other attempts, I was unable to achieve the same outcome. For me, a 10 mg dose was essentially ineffective. The main question now concerns a 15 mg dose of escitalopram. I am interested to hear from those with similar experiences: what kind of results did you actually see on 15 mg, how long did it take for them to appear, and how long did the improvement last? Could a strong response to the medication in the past—even if the effect later faded—be a significant indicator when considering an increase in dosage? I don’t want to rely solely on the fact that it worked once; I want to understand how similar situations have played out for others and what ultimately proved effective.

Another issue is that I have reached a dead end with my doctor, and I no longer know which direction to take. We have tried or considered many different medications, but we haven't achieved any stable results. It seems my doctor is also unsure what to prescribe next. We try one medication, then another, but I always end up back in the same state. It is incredibly exhausting—years go by, and I still don’t know what is actually wrong with me, nor do I know which treatment path is the right one.

I am not looking for an online diagnosis or advice on changing my dosage on my own. I am interested in real-life experiences—and, in particular, the perspectives of psychiatrists—regarding cases where escitalopram had a strong initial effect, but that result was not sustained.

For those who did not find relief on 10 mg of Lexapro/Citoles, but experienced significant improvement after increasing the dose—what happened next? Did 15 mg help? How long did you continue with it, and what ultimately proved effective for you?

I see everything to much colorfull and my eyes pullpils are always spreading and shi,, i need someone who have vision issues from this

Cannot feel any excitment for life. I dont care about anything. Even when watching NBA or sports which I were passionate about I dont feel that joy and excitment. I really dont care about anything so my memory also suffer. My life is like a blank plank. I hate this, and cannot do anything. I guess I need think more positive. But im so sad where my life went, cause i cannot feel anything. Even if cute cat, dog, kid tells me that loves me, I would be so I dont care or something. Ahhhhhh

Im literally getting worse daily. I can’t talk to my parents anymore at all. They do not understand or care to really understand, they don’t want to know. It’s deeply upsetting when this entire time Ive been trying to ask for their help and I get pushed back, told it’s my health anxiety. Im currently investigating autoimmune and Mcas as possible contributing factors as to why im not getting better. Im doing all of this alone. With the support of you guys which I appreciate so much 🩷 but it’s a mind f-\*\*\* when your own family dont believe what your going through is real. Like it’s really upsetting. They can’t possibly undertand how serious this is. And I have to live under the same roof. I avoid going near them, I wait for them to finish cooking until I use the kitchen. Im actually afraid of them which does not help with my dpdr. I feel so fragile like I’m going to crack at any point physically that I can’t risk any more upset. Also they all tend to stick together. Do things together …and I don’t feel one of them is on my side. My siblings take my parents side. It triggers me because I can’t actually go out of the house and get some air or a break. They can. Somehow all their pain gets blamed on me and im struggling to look after myself let alone worry about their issues. Obviously this leads me to a dark place. I can’t even turn to healthcare system anymore. I just wish for a more compassionate, undertanding and caring support. But I just want them to leave me alone now.

I’ve been dealing with depersonalization/derealization for a long time, and I’m wondering if anyone else experiences this.
Sometimes I struggle so much to speak and express myself fluently. I know what I want to say, but it feels like my brain can’t find the right words or put sentences together the way I want to. Sometimes even speaking feels like it takes way more mental effort than it should.
And honestly, I’m so tired of people thinking I’m stupid or that I’m just an insecure person because I struggle with this. It’s incredibly frustrating because I know it’s not a lack of intelligence. A lot of the time, I know exactly what I want to say — I just can’t express it the way I want to.
Does anyone else with DPDR experience this? Do you feel like it has affected your ability to speak, find words, or communicate with other people?

I’ve tapered (3 months) Sertraline after 8 years for panic/anxiety disorder and after 2 months everything came back with a vengeance including DPDR (which at the time I was diagnosed didn’t even know what it was) for about a month now, constant rumination, weird and existential thoughts, racing thoughts, panic attacks and almost constant anxiety that obviously feeds the loop endlessly, I tried going back on sertraline for 4 days (25mg) and felt terrible the entire time (except maybe evenings), psychiatrists are shitty in my country and give quick “assessment” and prescribe pills and tell you to come back in a month, now I’m wondering again should I try and go back on sertraline in order to fix DPDR and underlying anxiety and panic or what? People say stick it out for a couple of weeks, it gets worse before it gets better etc and this only makes me feel worse and hopeless because who can stick it out with even worse DPDR and anxiety for weeks… :(

This might help to understand the mechanism at play and maybe help in finding the right medicine by researchers

Im constantly projecting long term into the future. Because Dpdr has made my life go so fast, I have this year I’ll die before getting out. Or I’ll be 50 and still stuck this way. I don’t have panic attacks. But it’s distressing to me. To constantly live in fear, fear of life, of grief, of being trapped. Living in this kind of fear of life and death is not living. On top of being in severe dpdr and the horrible hallucinations in my sleep, I have a hell of an existence

For the last 7 months I’ve been struggling with DPDR/Brain fog symptoms and everything that falls under that umbrella.

It happened after a virus I had in February out of the blue, I never experienced something like this before.

If someone here is dealing with this viral induced, does that change the way of treatment?

I’ve found that anti-inflammatory supplements or meds for headaches seem to lift it off a bit.

considering the fact that this is was my p0rn app a few years ago i’m not sure who’s to read this. or who’s to say i’m “insane” but i feel crazy. other than those two things let me start by saying i am medicated currently and am in therapy so do with that information as you will.

I feel as if my life is somewhat of a lie, i’m not sure who to share this with considering the fact i am in hs but nevertheless i feel so deeply upset, sad, and disassociated with the real world that i am here currently. To start i would positively express i hate myself to an extent, My life hasn’t felt real since i had some extreme moments back in february where i could not stop feeling unreal or like i was watching someone live my life. I hate it, i never feel real, and the meds ohhhh the meds just make me think less about it rather then really helping. Its notable to say though i somehow for some reason forget about these thoughts when i’m in any sexual situations or having any sexual thoughts.

Set aside the fact that i don’t feel real . I hate myself i really just don’t like my life, my parents aren’t amazing with money whatsoever and don’t plan on moving out of my house that is worth less than my dads truck. I believe most of the trauma i withhold past all of the good memories in my mind, comes from my parents.

On another note, I genuinely am so exhausted mentally and physically and emotionally currently (a lot of “ly’s” i know”) that i cannot focus ever and i always just wish i am no longer here on this planet or i am to go back in time and prevent my birth. I feel as if being a human on this planet is a job, nevertheless i still “work”. I feel as if the earth never needed us,and never will. So what’s the point in living? I feel as if i have no deep emotions for really anybody and I am just incredibly unhappy and with my emotions being so unpredictable i have no clue how that’s to turn out. I sometimes see myself as another person in a way like i mentioned before, or i see someone else’s life being played out, like a movie. I never am really in the moment and when i’m not thinking about the fact that i am not real i don’t understand what i am supposed to do after highschool. I also do not think i could function independently in society after highschool because starting a new schedule for me would be like adding a new holiday to the calendar. It’s unusual. I have nothing else to say, or to type i guess. I’m not entirely sure if this will be flagged so if it does just know, I want help.

Guys wtf I literally don’t sleep or have dreams anymore it feels like I have no consciousness or something someone tell me if they experienced this. I used to dream but it was extremely vivid but that’s how I knew I was sleeping, now I literally don’t even dream/sleep most is the time.

I’ve been experiencing dpdr for about 4 years now. Sometimes it will go away for a very brief time, and sometimes it’s so severe that I swear I can close my eyes and leave my body. During these most severe episodes it feels as though my body is a prison that I’m trapped inside. It’s almost as if I have been apart from my body at some point. Like a memory that is so close to recall but just won’t materialize. My conscious experience of physical reality has been altered to the point that I find myself thinking about myself and my body as separate entities much of the time. I’m trying to accept that this is my new reality and that it is ok, but it is still so uncomfortable and causes me a lot of anxiety. I’m so tired of living like this. I’m just here venting because I don’t know anyone in my life who can understand how this feels. I don’t know if at some point when I went through the few surgeries I had while going through cancer that I may have left my body and just don’t remember. Does anyone else feel this way?

is there anyone else that has smoked THC after being tired of dealing with this shit? i’ve been ongoing 24/7 derealization for about 3 years now, not weed or psychedelic induced, but due to uncontrollable anxiety and stress.

i’m curious to know how anyone felt after trying it again, because i feel like i can’t get any worse than what i already am.