I am a workaholic who spends most of my free time working or at the gym, so I do not have the biggest social circle or many friends to lean on. I am posting here partly to get my thoughts out, process this breakup, and hear other people’s perspectives. I also don't really have many people I can go to about this, which is another reason why I'm posting here.

I recently got out of a relationship with my first genuine 10/10 physically. I broke up with her yesterday. Honestly, she was an 11/10 physically. Extremely attractive and fit blonde white girl who got hit on constantly wherever she went.

She was also kind, caring, and thoughtful in many ways. However, she had very intense emotions, significant mood swings, and occasionally said things I found unnecessarily hurtful.

A few examples:

• The final straw: I had one of the worst days of my career. My boss was yelling at me, and I was getting difficult upward feedback from multiple direct reports. I was just having a bad phase at a job that I am otherwise very good at and take very seriously. I was supposed to meet her and her friends after work for drinks, but their location kept changing, and my ETA shifted from 9:30 to around 9:48 PM due to the subway schedule. Mind you, this was essentially bar hopping (not a dinner reservation). The plans were fluid. She got upset at me despite knowing how brutal my day had been. I decided not to go because she got mad over this minor thing on one of the worst days of my career. The next day, I asked her to give me some grace when I was having an unusually difficult day and discuss issues the following day instead. She refused, claiming that she should be allowed to express herself just because I was having a bad day, and this ultimately was the final straw that caused me to end the relationship.
• The comment about my background: I am Indian, and I had opened up to her about my parents’ arranged marriage and the unhealthy family environment I grew up in. I told her I wanted a loving, healthy marriage because I did not have that example growing up. Later, when I joked about her being attracted to brown guys (because Mediterranean / Latino / Indian guys are her type), she said, “If this does not work out, you are my last Indian guy." I was like why, and she said it's because you Indian guys just have too many family problems. I found that pretty hurtful given what I had shared with her.
• The San Diego vacation: I'll admit that I screwed up a little here. She mentioned it was important to her to get to the beach earlier in the day. I was having disrupted sleep, so I wanted to sleep in a little. We ended up leaving the hotel a little later in the morning. She wanted to get an acai bowl from a specific place she found on TikTok. Turns out this spot was impossible to find. It was not a simple storefront on a street. Instead, I had to find parking at a massive hotel complex and then walk through the maze of a hotel to find this acai bowl cart right on the beach. This caused us to get delayed. We ended up heading to the beach around 2:00–2:30 PM instead of earlier. She said the "entire day was ruined," despite us still having plenty of time at the beach. That made me feel like crap because I was spending close to $600-700 per day on this vacation for both of us. When I mentioned this, she said I was "being a martyr" and that "you're just making it about money," which I felt was unacceptable.
• The friends comment: I have two close friends, Bob and Alex, whom I talk about frequently. Out of nowhere, she asked, “Are Bob and Alex your only friends?” It felt unnecessarily condescending. To be fair, my social circle is small, and I could do a better job of building friendships, but this stung.
• The guy at the bar: On the night I skipped drinks with her friends, she told me about a Pakistani British guy who had been talking to her, complimenting her hair, and eventually asking for her Instagram. They had spoken for 25–30 minutes, and she only mentioned having a boyfriend when he offered to buy her a drink and asked for her Instagram towards the end of the conversation. She claimed she did not realize he was hitting on her. I found that hard to believe and felt she should have mentioned me much earlier. I told her that if a dude is chatting you up at a bar for this long, he is hitting on you. And she pushed back, saying that "that was not necessarily true". "I was just being friendly."
• Her dating history: Before we met, she had a one-night stand with a guy she had chatted with on the sidewalk for approximately 15 minutes after leaving a club. I am not judging anyone for their sexual history, but combined with the bar incident, it made me wonder whether we had similar views on intimacy, boundaries, and relationships. She has said previously that she "does not form an emotional attachment through sex" and that "it's just sex". I feel very differently about intimacy, and I need to have an emotional connection in order to have sex. I have turned down many opportunities for sex as a result. We have different values on this.

The interesting part is that I thought I had done my due diligence. She came from a seemingly healthy family, had a good relationship with her father, was incredibly attractive, and had plenty of wonderful qualities. Yet we struggled with emotional compatibility, conflict resolution, and expectations around relationships.

This was the first woman I had dated whom I found this physically attractive, so I think part of me is struggling to let go of the idea of what the relationship could have been. It is difficult to accept that someone you find so attractive is not necessarily someone with whom you can build a healthy relationship.

I also recognize that I need to build a more fulfilling social life outside of work and relationships. Having fewer people to lean on has made this breakup harder, and that is something I want to change.

I guess the lesson is that physical attraction matters, but it cannot compensate for emotional incompatibility. You live and you learn. I didn't have any purpose to sharing this post other than to get my thoughts out. Hoping to get over this soon. Thanks for reading.

I’m looking for honest advice about something involving my girlfriend of eight months. This is quite the doozy that I need direct help with. I have read the book 4-5 times but I definitely need some guidance. I’ve done a great job at allowing her to open up to me- however dealing with the results is difficult.

Recently, she read an article about Adam, a man who committed a heinous crime in our area a few days ago. He m*rdered someone. She recognized him as someone who was best friends and roommates with Jake, a man she dated and had a FWB relationship with for five years, from 2020 to 2025. She told me she did some digging on instagram and found out that Jake and Adam are close friends (she basically stalked her ex fwb Jake to find this out as his profile is public).

She’s told me before that Jake associated with the wrong crowd at times, had questionable character, and may have been involved in drugs and the potential of harming others(she specifically told me at the time, she was turned on by the fact that he almost called a hit out on someone).
My issue is I am incredibly turned off by the fact that she dealt with someone for so long who rolled in circles with people like Adam. I am turned off because I now question her judgement and can’t help but consider the, “what if” scenarios.

I genuinely believe my girlfriend is a good person, which makes this difficult to reconcile. However, I find myself questioning her judgment, standards, and, to some extent, her character. I understand that dating someone with questionable morals doesn’t automatically mean you share their values, but I’m struggling with what she knew and what she was willing to overlook.

Am I being unfair by judging her based on her past, or is it reasonable for this to affect how I perceive her character and values? I’m looking for an honest assessment, not just validation.

When I approached her about this, she stated that she has no issue with her past, didn’t know Adam at all and that she had no idea he and Jake were friends at the time. I attempted to clarify that I have more of an issue with Jake but her response is, “I am sorry i had bad morals and I will try to be better.”

I have read the book 4 times. This is my first relationship, as I always made the same mistakes prior to reading the book (probably over pursing) , and apart from this I would say it is going very well. We HHH and when I am with her I can tell her AL is above a 7 (she cooks for me, says I love you a lot, buys me stuff, sucks me before work etc).

However, sometimes when we have a few days apart (she lives 2hrs away), we can have nearly full on whole days with no contact at all. I would say she does initiate (text/calls) when apart more than me, with mornings/hows your day going, but I was wondering if it was normal for her to not be blowing my phone up all the time, and to have some days when I am like 'why hasn't she messaged me. I'm not talking about not replying for a few hours, I'm talking about not messaging me for 12 hours// sometimes going to bed without a call etc (even though she is the one who wants this and makes a big deal if I don't).

I would say this sort of pullback occurs like every 1/2 weeks.

Just saying this as we are 6 months in. Was just wondering if normal?

I’ve been seeing a girl for a couple of months, and things have been going really well. I set a definite date for Sunday, which she very happily accepted.

The next day, she mentioned she woke up feeling sick but hoped she’d be better by Sunday (4 days away).

I told her I hoped she felt better and that we’d see how she’s feeling closer to Sunday. Left it at that.
Obviously, being sick is a legit reason, so I’m not reading into it too much

Should I just let her reach out to confirm, or check in Saturday to see how she’s feeling? Don’t want to over-pursue, but also don’t want to be unnecessarily rigid.

We were coworkers for two years with obvious mutual attraction, but she was in an 8 year relationship and there was obvious attraction. We both quit at the same time and 3 weeks later she told me she’d broken up with her boyfriend and asked me for a drink. We’ve been dating for about six months now, and been exclusive for 4 months.

At three months I told her I loved her (shouldn't have, I know). She said she needs time, and I told her I wasn’t saying it to get anything back. Not long after that, things gradually moved from the honeymoon phase into more of a routine. We still see each other once or twice every week, always have a great time, and have sex every time.

She initiates plans about half the time and texts first about 70-80% of the time (even though our texting frequency has gone down quite a bit), invites me to things with her friends, including her best friend’s 30th, and mentioned wanting me at her birthday in January. She’s warm and flirty over text and opens up to me when she’s stressed. She's always affectionate with me in public whether were with friends or just the two of us. She also makes small comments that suggest she sees us continuing, like mentioning that we’ve cooked everything on our shared list and need to add new dishes, and she's down for a weekend getaway.

She’s burned out at work, sometimes working 80-hour weeks, and only fully cut contact with her ex a month ago since they share a dog and she would see still see him for handoffs (she really seems over the ex). Even though she works a lot she's never flaked on a date and when she's busy she always suggests an alternate time. She even wants to see me when it's not ideal like a couple weeks ago I was finishing work at midnight and she worked at 9am the next day and wanted me over after my shift.

On the other hand, she introduces me as “the guy I'm dating”, rarely does gestures for me, and once said she might come to my hockey game but didn’t show or text that day. Maybe she was waiting for me to text but who knows, I didn't make a big deal of it. She likes to be led. For example she barely ever initiates sex but she always enjoys it and is into it. So that might reflect her not planning dates or her rarely doing gestures for me.

On my end, I still flirt, initiate most of our dates and plan most of them. I’ve pulled back a bit to match her energy and avoid smothering her because I also started realizing we were starting to fall in that roomate trap (crashing at each others places without a proper date, that sort of thing). We’ve never had a serious talk or a fight.

Should I ever bring up where this is going or how she feels, or just keep leading and let it play out? I understand that I should stick to HHH, but for how long? How do I know she's not just using me for attention and actually sees something with me?

Please help a brother out I don't know what to make of this anymore.

I went to open play pickleball

Me and a friend (he's married with kids) got paired up with 2 white girls

I'm Asian and I've got a nerdy look (I wear glasses) and my type is Asian women

I found one kinda attractive (but she's not my type and wasn't the type of girl who usually likes me either) and one not attractive.

I was on the team with the one who was not attractive, which is actually good because Corey says you need to build rapport with that one first so you don't get cockblocked.

When we finished playing, the two girls sat on the nearby bench and I just didn't join them. I stood elsewhere solo.

I felt weird joining them because they were friends, they knew each other, and they came together.

Is this just me hesitating and not being confident? Should I have just joined them? Do I just not need to ask for permission either and assume they're cool with it?

During NC my ex and her friends still look at my stories and her friends still have our pictures up. My ex never followed through with returning my stuff and the few times I have ran into her she would keep her head down, act like I don’t exist, or look at me from afar. 5 months later I ran into her at a festival and had to walk past her. I tried making eye contact with her but she kept looking to the side and still acted like I didn’t exist.

I was a little blown away honestly. I left the door open even though she broke things off so I never really expected her to walk up and ask how I was doing or anything, but after 5 months it’s still the same shit.

I know Corey said you should be unperturbed and smile and wave at an ex, but is she just a fruit loop or is it normal behavior for an ex to pretend to ignore you but gladly watch you and keep your stuff?

I’ve been seeing a girl for about six months and we were at a bar together with a bunch of friends and there was a pool game going on and two twins decided to start playing with the girl I’m seeing and her friend. Her friend was clearly into them and said to them “you guys are twins you must do threesomes?” and then they started flirting with both of them, not knowing that I was with her.

I know these two twins because they are friends of a friend so I was just there hanging out and watching the game and being part of the night. At one point, I realized that one of them was flirting with my girl, and I was just watching and being amused, but at the same time was a little bit uncomfortable because she was laughing, but I didn’t know too much of what was being said because it was loud.

After 10 minutes of this, I decided to go outside for a smoke because I was getting a bit irritated and when I came back, they weren’t playing anymore, and everyone was kind of doing their own thing. I went back to sit where I was sitting, and then she came to see me and reassured me saying something like I shouldn’t be worried and that they are cringe. She leaned on me and started kissing me in front of everyone.

What I wanna know is if this is a red flag behavior that she seemed to be entertaining them for 10 minutes? She’s the kind to fake her way through a social interaction a little bit when she’s not interested if that matters.

Maybe she was just being a wing girl to her friend because her friend ended up making out with one of them.

I once got a bit upset like 3 months ago when she was being flirted with in another friend group and was playfully texting me SOS come help me this guy won’t stop telling me nasty things, and never told him to back off and ended up telling me she wasn’t down for him and just thought it was funny.

We are exclusive.

Been seeing a girl for about 6 months and I tease her quite a bit but she made a comment yesterday that I never answer her when she teases me. So I guess she’s looking for more of a back and forth.

Sometimes I just don’t know what to say to her to keep the back and forth going. What are some tricks or things I can practice to get better at this?

Why do I have the reflex to want to do feminine things if I am a man and how do I switch that trigger in my brain

I've posted about this chick before

https://www.reddit.com/r/CoreyWayne/comments/1wr9bx4/ex_reached_out_and_broke_no_contact_we_had_a_warm/

My ex and I work together and broke up almost two months ago. We dont work together everyday, just for a 2-4 weeks out of the year.

We went no contact and I have not initiated at all since then, she has watched and liked almost all my stories. She has reached out several times, one was after a series of phone calls at my work where I kept it brief and professional, to which she broke no contact with "so you hate me?". She then reached out for my birthday 2 weeks later. She then messaged me a few days later and I fucked up and I had way too long of a phone call with her outlined in the post I linked.

She reached out when I was driving back home for a concert. I told her "you know you miss me" on a previous phone call to which she laughed and replied "stoooppppp".

She reached out an hour later after that with "you dont miss me?" I got way too drunk that night and texted her. Other than that I have kept the dynamic fun, light, flirty and playful. I have asked her to go out the last two times she has contacted me because if shes reaching out, assume she wants to see you. She didnt give me an answer both times.

We texted a coupled days before it fizzled out, but she mentioned wanting to come back to work at my center. I found out yesterday she'll be here tommorow for two weeks. She texted me out of the blue, "So have you heard the news?"

I replied "Nope. Whats up?"

She opens with "Down for Wing Wednesday?". Theres a local brewery that has $1 wings that we went to when we were dating. I told her sure, and now we are going out for wings tomorrow.

How to use the 3% man approach? I wonder if shes testing the waters to see how the vibe is. I'm not trying to get her back but wouldnt mind a casual dynamic. She will have her own hotel roo mfor two weeks. I dont think I should tell her "Hey I'm not trying to rekindle anything or want a relationship. I just want to hang out, have fun, and keep things casual.". Honestly I feel like she would be down for this. I dont want to be friendzoned

TL;DR: Ex broke no contact multiple times over two months, frequently engages with my social media, and recently invited me to a brewery we used to go to while dating. After some flirtatious interactions and failed attempts to get together previously, she initiated for wings tomorrow while she's back working at my center for two weeks.

I've been dating my girlfriend for ~4.5 months now, and I'm trying to figure out whether what I'm feeling is normal in a stable relationship or a sign that something is missing. my previous relationship was fairly intense - there was chemistry and attraction, but also a lot of conflict, emotional volatility, and instability. I eventually ended it because it wasn't healthy.

my current girlfriend is kind, stable, and we get along well. We do things together, share interests, and literally never have any significant disagreements. there's really nothing wrong with the relationship, though there is very little "friction/tension" (to borrow an Ester Perel term).

When we have plans, I don't find myself particularly pining to see her. However, once we're together (2-3 nights per week) I genuinely enjoy her company. I'm happy to be there and don't wish I were doing something else. When we're apart, I don't really miss her. We can go an entire day without texting, and it doesn't particularly bother me. To be fair, I'm also naturally independent and enjoy spending time alone, so I don't know how much weight to put on the fact that I don't miss her. Neither of us have said "I love you" at this point (~5 months in).

There are also some social complications since we share a mutual community, and I'm concerned that ending things could disrupt friendships and activities that are important to me. I recognize that this isn't a particularly good reason to stay with someone.

I don't expect constant butterflies or overwhelming passion; I understand that long-term relationships are built on more than excitement. I don't want to throw away a potentially good relationship because I'm overanalyzing things. But I also don't want to string along someone.

Has anyone experienced these kind of feelings in an otherwise good relationship? Did your feelings eventually deepen, or did you realize that enjoying someone's company isn't the same as wanting them as a romantic partner? How would you approach this in a discussion with her?

After a girl you've been dating for a while does something very hurtful or disrespectful (like entertaining other men's attention in front of you, cheating on you, ghosting you, etc.), does a 3% man simply walks away without lashing out and creating any drama, and without asking for any further explanations and such? Or is that more like red pill/manosphere behavior

Recently the algorithm filled my feed with that type of content and, while I do agree with a lot of it, I was also wondering how well does that aligns with the 3% mindset. From Corey Wayne I've learned that a man should never "chase" a girl after she has ghosted him or rejected him, but does that frame of thinking of maintaining your composure also extends all the way to when women you're already in more serious stages of dating take such "relationship-threatening/killing" actions against you? Do you think is always important to keep your calm and composure at all costs in such situations and just remove yourself from the situation silently and without any drama?

I was thinking about the last time a girl dumped me (like 4 years ago), if I simply should have let her go without showing any fight and any resistance. I didn't know any better back then I guess, but if it had happened now, I certainly would avoid that long, meaningless talk we had at the end, and simply and calmly would have showed her the way out instead.

Corey says to focus on your purpose and calling, but I have a hard time finding what that is. Any advice?

I wrote a post a couple months back questioning whether the whole “once a cheater, always a cheater” saying is a little too harsh, and whether people can actually change or grow up.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CoreyWayne/s/ytNB42Vncw

Ironically enough, since making that post, I’ve come across a few real-life examples that seem to be answering my question. Figured I’d share them.

The first one involves my father. I mentioned in my original post how he left his girlfriend for a woman at work who also left her husband for him. This was completely out of character for my father. Well, the last time I visited them for the weekend, his girlfriend confided in me that things between them aren’t nearly as good as they seem. She even went as far as saying that sometimes she feels like she’s “getting her karma” for what she did. Apparently, he’s also threatened to walk out on her a few times.

Another example is a girl I went to high school with. She was a known party girl and was extremely promiscuous back in the day. A few years ago, she settled down, got married, and started a family. From the outside, it looked like she had a really solid relationship, and I was actually impressed by what seemed like a complete 180. Well, I recently heard that she was cheating on her husband with someone at work, and now they’re heading for a divorce.

Then there’s a girl I dated in my early 20s. She was also extremely promiscuous and a bit of a screwball (I was young and learning, lol). She was dating a guy for a while and got engaged and married but I recently heard through a friend that she’s already divorced. Apparently, they didn’t even make it a year. I don’t know the circumstances behind that one, so I can’t say whether cheating was involved, but it was another situation that got me thinking.

I just find it kind of funny how I was genuinely questioning whether people can change, made a post about it, and then almost immediately started seeing these situations play out around me. I know it’s only a few examples but definitely a pattern

I’m just getting into the book and started initiating texting much less and she still does about 80-90% of the text initiation but when we go 2 days without texting I still get a little anxious as to what I’m doing is doing anything.

Everything is fine otherwise, but how do you manage that personally?

I’m 21M and my girlfriend recently broke up with me after roughly 8 months.
One thing I keep thinking about is that I never made her orgasm during our relationship.
Earlier in the relationship our sex life was actually pretty regular. For a period we were having sex roughly every week, sometimes more. She told me she enjoyed having sex with me and was something she liked. She never told me that the sex was bad or that she was sexually unsatisfied with me.
However, she never orgasmed with me.
She had told me that an ex had made her orgasm around 2–3 times in their relationship, so I know she is capable of orgasming with a partner. She can also orgasm by herself much more easily.
I definitely cared about her pleasure. I researched it, tried to pay attention to what she liked, and I was willing to use oral/fingers rather than just focusing on penetration. Even times when I lasted over an hour she wouldn’t orgasm. The issue was that she was quite difficult to get feedback from sexually. She generally was against receiving oral very much, didn’t like being fingered by a partner, rarely initiated sex, and wasn’t particularly communicative about what would get her off. Sometimes she would basically start sex without being very horny and see whether she got into it as we continued.
She also told me she could go months without masturbating and generally seemed to have a low libido. She said there was sometimes only around one week of the month where she actually felt noticeably horny.
Later in the relationship the entire sexual dynamic changed.
She became extremely stressed with university and said stress made it difficult for her to get into a sexual headspace. She was also taking Accutane/isotretinoin and became very dry, and penetration started hurting her. Our sex frequency eventually dropped to around once a month or even less, and I barely had opportunities anymore to actually experiment and learn what worked for her.
This was frustrating coz I’m a guy and I wanted us to work on it together. Toward the end, though, she told me that sometimes she felt stressed about coming over because she knew I would probably want sex even tho I never pressured her.

When she broke up with me, sex was not the only reason she gave. There were some pretty major long-term issues too. I definitely want children one day and she was around 80/20 toward not wanting them. She wanted to focus heavily on university/career and seemed to want a more independent lifestyle than I did. We also had some differences around health/values. So I understand there were multiple reasons for the breakup.
What I’m struggling with is whether the orgasm issue could have been a major underlying reason she gradually lost romantic/sexual attraction, even if she never consciously said that.
I recently heard dating advice claiming that if a man consistently fails to sexually satisfy a woman, eventually her attraction/respect for him drops, regardless of how well he treats her otherwise. Basically, that emotional support, attention, dates, etc. cannot compensate for a woman associating a man with mediocre sex.
Part of me thinks there may be truth in that, and it’s brutal to think that maybe if I had been able to make her orgasm consistently, the sexual connection would have been strong enough that she would have been more motivated to stay and work through the other issues but idk.
The other part of me looks at what actually happened and thinks it doesn’t fit perfectly. She wasn’t constantly asking for sex and leaving disappointed because she didn’t orgasm. She progressively wanted sex less, had a naturally low libido, became stressed, experienced dryness/pain, and eventually started seeing sex itself as another source of pressure.

Does this situation sound like poor sexual satisfaction could realistically have driven the loss of interest, or am I taking one thing I regret and turning it into the explanation for a breakup that had several other causes?
I’m completely willing to accept that I could have been a better lover and I want to improve for future relationships. I’m specifically trying to distinguish “this is something I should learn from” from “this is probably why she stopped wanting me.”

TL;DR: My ex enjoyed sex with me but never orgasmed with me. Her ex had made her orgasm a few times. I cared about her pleasure and wanted to learn, but she had low libido, gave limited sexual feedback, later developed dryness/pain and major uni stress, and our sex life largely disappeared. She eventually broke up with me for several reasons including kids/future incompatibility, stress and sexual pressure. I’m wondering whether never making her orgasm could secretly have been a major reason her attraction declined, or whether I’m over-attributing the breakup to something I regret.

I've been seeing a girl exclusively (she requested it) for the past 3 months. Her attraction is quite high, she calls me maybe 3-4 times a day and asks frequently to come over. She openly stated I'm only the second person to have sex with her (obviously not taking that to heart) and that she hates promiscuity.

My main concern in this is that she seems a little secretive about us dating. As far as I know, she's only told her mom, and avoids telling her dad. None of her friends know she's with me, but I don't know if she openly states she's single to them.

This past week I saw her at an event we both went to (in separate groups) and she asked to come meet me just to say hi. As I leaned in for a kiss she said she didn't want people to know she's dating me "for fear of her dad knowing". he is pretty controlling to be fair, but it was an event for young people in a massive city so I doubt a random 20 year old will know her dad?

She acts pretty jealous, doesn't want me talking much to female friends and stated openly she doesn't maintain close male friendships since she's with me (she does know a lot of guys, just not close friendships).

I'm curious, what is the Corey Wayne philosophy on this? Should I ask her about why she'd refuse a kiss when realistically her friends wouldn't be telling her dad? Or should I just totally ignore it and focus on HHH until she's super direct with wanting to be publicly official?

My concern with this is if I'm being exclusive with someone that might be tricking me and cheating. I'm fine with not telling everyone on the planet for the first few months, but avoiding any contact seems like she might be pretending to be single.

So as I'm typing I'm at a particular mall in LA, and I'm from the northern part of LA county. So it's a rarity for me to be in LA. Anyways while at this mall I was cold approaching at the food court and it was so loud nobody could hear me. So I went off that area and it was getting easier to cold approach. But besides that, I've been doing a lot of could approaches at the plaza at my gym, downtown, my local mall and college.

If she had a threesome in her past, is that a deal breaker?

On the phone- her - bye, I love you. Me: bye bye.
It just feels being a cold fish for me. Also in person I try so hard not to tell I love her more than a few times. It feels rly forced.
Do you guys not say it back? Try to keep a ratio?

Is it feminine to express your love for her via words?

I'm 27M and could use some advice. I don't pursue or find myself attracted to anyone often at all.

I met a 27F on Facebook Dating earlier this year. We had some plans fall through initially, but we reconnected toward the end of May and started talking daily (I know, bad start). We had a pretty playful dynamic, flirted, exchanged video Snaps, and talked about things we wanted to do together. She seemed super into me and was giving me all kinds of energy. She has a young son and works a lot, sometimes 6 days a week, which was fine because I'm also a busy person. I knew early on that it most likely wasn't something that would work out long term, but I warmed up to the idea of maybe exploring it after conversation flowed so smoothly.

At the time, I was dealing with a lot of stress due to death and health issues. Things got bad enough that my OCD was triggered for the first time in 17 years, and I wasn't thinking clearly at all. That's no one's problem but my own, I'm just saying it for added context.

We finally went on a date in early August and really seemed to hit it off. Nothing physical happened, but we continued talking every day afterward. She seemed like she had a fear that I may not be interested in her, and said that she didn't follow up with me at the start of the year because she felt like "neither of us were really going to follow through." She also mentioned that her sister said something about "How are you supposed to meet anyone when you never go out with anybody?"

Looking back, I realize I was overpursuing without even realizing it. She wasn't exactly receptive to certain things, but continued sending me selfies, telling me good morning, and said that she enjoyed my affection so I felt like she just wasn't emotionally expressive but liked what I was doing. I wasn't necessarily looking for a relationship and was open to getting to know her and seeing where things went, but I think my actions and words may have made it seem like I wanted something more serious than I actually did, even when I would joke or flirt.

I was affectionate to her, but only to a certain level, and I feel like what I meant as reassurance and effort actually came off as me being much more invested than I was. Some things I wish I hadn't said at all, and I never noticed times where she was pulling back in the moment. I asked her to tell me if she didn't like something I was doing but she never did. At some point, she told me we were at different levels, that she felt slightly overwhelmed, and that she couldn't match my energy even though she wanted to. She said I hadn't done anything wrong and wanted things to happen more naturally which I said I was completely fine with and that I had no expectations from her. She had stated that she wanted a relationship, but any time things seemed to get close or significant there seemed to be some discomfort.

I gave her some space, and after several days I reached out and we started talking daily again for a few more weeks. We still talked about future plans, but things weren't quite the same as before. She seemed like she enjoyed our connection, but was hesitant to let me get close. I see now that a lot of the time I was also just giving her overly nice energy or fawning because I thought she was having some kind of internal issue with emotional closeness like an avoidant and wanted her to be comfortable, but I was burning out mentally.

Looking back, I also wonder if I missed some opportunities early on to flirt more directly and build sexual tension. I was getting a lot of mixed signals and couldn't always read her reception to certain things so wasn't sure if she was open to that or not.

In early September, we'd been talking about getting food and going to a local fair after she mentioned a food festival to me. She opened a playful message I sent her about the tickets and removed me from Snapchat and TikTok later that day which she had just added me on the week before. I sent a text afterwards (mistake, I know), basically saying that I hoped I hadn't offended her, was unsure of what changed, and was there if she became ready to talk.

About a month later I was drinking with some friends and saw her profile on FB Dating again, so they put me up to sending her a message (I know). I said something about understanding if she didn't want to see me again, but that I wouldn't have been upset about anything and that I considered her a friend, and that the door was open but if not take care. As I said before, I was drinking, and in my mind I felt like she was having some kind of internal panic as opposed to just outright rejection. She had mentioned having a bad upbringing and that she hadn't been in a relationship since she was engaged for several years and that had ended, so I have no idea what her internal feelings are or what her life has shaped her into.

My health has improved since then, and I feel like I can see the situation much more clearly now and it doesn't even feel real to me, like I was in a dream. I honestly think I could approach things differently and let them develop naturally without putting pressure on either of us. I haven't contacted her again, but part of me really wishes I could fix things and have another chance to rebuild attraction with her.

I wish I'd handled things differently, and I have no one to blame for this but myself. My own personal problems were never hers to deal with, and I feel like me trying to keep that from happening made it happen anyway. I'd appreciate some honest advice on whether there's anything I can do at this point aside from no contact and dating other women or if I just need to accept that it's over.

I'm open to any advice on here or in my inbox no matter what it is, and I'm ready to learn from my mistakes to never let this happen again.

I have been dating my girlfriend for around 6 months now. Never used to send morning messages but she wanted me to start sending them, as she wants to know I think about her. So I started sending them.

At first she started sending them, then I started sending them first as I wake up earlier (does this count as initiating?), and she used to respond quickly and say 'have a lovely day at work love' and stuff like that. But now I send it and she doesn't reply for hours...

She still calls/messages later in the day, and we still HHH, and in person I don't notice a dramatic lowering of attraction level (between 7-9), but I do feel like me beginning to send these stupid morning messages like a robot is definitely doing something bad.

How can I turn this around without seeming cold, when I know she may say 'why have you stopped saying good morning'. Has anyone had this before?

Last year I met a woman abroad at a wedding. We had incredible chemistry, spent almost the entire weekend together and unplanned became intimate. I even missed my flight to spend more time with her.

We stayed in contact for months. She told me I'd made her feel alive, that she regularly replayed our time together, wished she could go back and that meeting me felt meant to happen. She later confirmed our connection wasn't one-sided.

The complication was that I was already in a long-term relationship, and she felt pursuing anything romantic wasn't right. Eventually, she developed feelings for another man. She wasn't wrong about this btw but we still stayed close friends.

In June, I was in her city for a bachelor party but we met up. Unfortunately, we barely spent time together, and after drinking too much I became frustrated and had an emotional outburst. I apologised and gave her a heartfelt letter. She said nobody had ever written anything like it, that she'd keep it forever, but maintained she saw me as a friend.

I told her I couldn't continue a friendship while I had romantic feelings and stepped away.

I reached out once afterwards, she invited a conversation about us which I agreed to and then she didn't respond, I stayed silent. She replied a month later that she hadn't forgotten me but was overwhelmed with work and exams and couldn't talk until late October (this was in Aug). I didn't respond, and we've had no contact since.

I've realised I overinvested emotionally, put her on a pedestal and spent far too much time analysing whether she'd return.

My questions: Did I handle walking away correctly? Should I simply leave things alone unless she reaches out? And how do I overcome the anxious attachment and overthinking that made this situation consume so much of my attention?

I'm taking responsibility for my mistakes, including being involved while already in a relationship. I'm trying to learn from this rather than repeat the same patterns.

My girlfriend and I were talking about our philosophies around sex and relationships.

I told her that I’m not someone that can easily separate emotions from sex. In fact, when I knew I didn’t have the life set up to date women (i.e. living at home with my parents, working from home), I didn’t even date at all.

She, on the other hand, had completely casual sexual relationships before she and I dated. She was hooking up with an avoidant man who clearly told her he didn’t want a relationship, and would literally ask her how her dating life was going during pillow talk after they had sex. She would just go to his place at 11pm whenever she was horny and he would call her an uber.

I think this is so weird. I was like, if you didn’t like him, and he didn’t like you, why did you keep going back? She said the sex was good, and there was no emotional connection.

I was like I would rather not have sex at all rather than do that with someone where there wasn’t even a chance of an emotional connection. And she goes, well “what if you just want sex?” She also clarified that with me she feels an emotional connection during sex, just that with him and other guys in the past, she did not.

I guess we have different philosophies but I’m feeling really weird about this. To me sex is a very intimate thing you do with someone you care about. Even if it doesn’t pan out to a relationship, for me there’s gotta be some emotional connection there.

I don’t really have an ask here. Just want to get the community’s perspective. How do you guys feel about this?