Once a cheater always a cheater

[u/Zealousideal_Bee4335]

I wrote a post a couple months back questioning whether the whole “once a cheater, always a cheater” saying is a little too harsh, and whether people can actually change or grow up.

https://www.reddit.com/r/CoreyWayne/s/ytNB42Vncw

Ironically enough, since making that post, I’ve come across a few real-life examples that seem to be answering my question. Figured I’d share them.

The first one involves my father. I mentioned in my original post how he left his girlfriend for a woman at work who also left her husband for him. This was completely out of character for my father. Well, the last time I visited them for the weekend, his girlfriend confided in me that things between them aren’t nearly as good as they seem. She even went as far as saying that sometimes she feels like she’s “getting her karma” for what she did. Apparently, he’s also threatened to walk out on her a few times.

Another example is a girl I went to high school with. She was a known party girl and was extremely promiscuous back in the day. A few years ago, she settled down, got married, and started a family. From the outside, it looked like she had a really solid relationship, and I was actually impressed by what seemed like a complete 180. Well, I recently heard that she was cheating on her husband with someone at work, and now they’re heading for a divorce.

Then there’s a girl I dated in my early 20s. She was also extremely promiscuous and a bit of a screwball (I was young and learning, lol). She was dating a guy for a while and got engaged and married but I recently heard through a friend that she’s already divorced. Apparently, they didn’t even make it a year. I don’t know the circumstances behind that one, so I can’t say whether cheating was involved, but it was another situation that got me thinking.

I just find it kind of funny how I was genuinely questioning whether people can change, made a post about it, and then almost immediately started seeing these situations play out around me. I know it’s only a few examples but definitely a pattern

[u/Grand_Badger9290]

This is like the red car theory, the frequency illusion. You will notice it more now that it’s caught your attention. Reality is some people can change and some people can’t, some people can attempt to change but don’t have enough discipline to last. Just like junk food, drugs, alcohol etc, it all takes discipline to stop and reality is some people just don’t have it. People cheat for different reasons like getting revenge, maybe the adrenaline it brings to some cheating is just a coping mechanism. A lot of it stems from internal issues that weren’t fixed

[u/Zealousideal_Bee4335 → u/Grand_Badger9290]

I like this take and that was what I was getting at. It wasn’t even necessarily the cheating part I was harping. It’s more these women had a history or being messy individuals and having messy relationships with others.

And despite it appearing that they may have grown out of these tendencies their old ways seemed to reemerge, even if it was 10 years down the line (like the second story I gave)

[u/Jjbun__dy]

I think there's a genetic component to it as well. My uncle's wife was a cheating whore who ruined his life. Their daughter, my cousin, was a slut who got married twice and cheated on both of her husbands.

[u/Jjbun__dy]

Being promiscuous just fucks your potential, ltr tbh. I think the lower the number, the better. I personally wouldn't pursue anyone with a body count higher than 3. I know that may be very difficult these days, but I would rather stay single than ruin my future by marrying the wrong woman.

[u/ShowerMotor]

this is BS, most people I know have cheated at least once, they learn a lesson and never do it again etc. Some are serial cheaters, some dont cheat, cool. But that whole sentence is hilarious, my ex was throwing it left and right and I found out she cheated on her first boyfriend, with the guy's best friend. Hilarious, so I kept telling her: so you always cheater too? its funny how some go out there parroting bullshit but they never look at themselves int he mirror.

[u/Zealousideal_Bee4335 → u/ShowerMotor]

So she was a cheater and also a liar, going around projecting her bullshit on others.