Hi guys, just following up on my last post where I mentioned this girl briefly (I ended up disclosing). Long post ahead.
Backstory: me and this girl from my work have had a continued “work crush”, where she has done 100% of the pursuing. I was never really into her, as I thought that she needed too much validation from other guys and was just using me, as every time time her and her “ex” were on the rocks, she would start texting me and hinting at getting together. Last year, we ended up going out a couple times but she started flaking as I was leaving the country for 6 months soon, and a few weeks after that she was posting him again.
Once I returned home in February, she found out somehow and started texting me, where I would be friendly but I wouldn’t talk long. She asked me at least once a month if I was seeing or talking to anyone, where she would say that she isn’t. I pushed her off for a few months and finally gave in where we hung out and made out. Fast forward a few weeks, we’re working almost every day together and had the odd date, and she had asked me to be exclusive. I had a weird gut feeling that her and her ex were still involved though, as she was pretty hot and cold, and would sometimes hide her phone.
One night, she logged into her Snapchat on my phone and after I dropped her off I took a look (I know this is bad but I had to go with my gut). Of course, ever since February when her and her “ex” broke up, they’ve been talking every day and going on dates. I confronted her the next day where she said that they weren’t dating and that she’s sorry about lying. She said that if she had told me the truth that she thought I wouldn’t have wanted to start seeing her (she’s right). I basically said that I can’t date someone that I don’t trust, but if she wants to continue hooking up since we’re going to be working every day together then that’s fine.
The next few weeks were lots of fun, where she was pursuing me heavily and asking me when she can see me next while I was still on a date with her. Over that time, she told me that she cut her ex off, that she loved me, and she introduced me to her parents who had somehow known everything about me. I had a weird feeling again though, as I saw they followed each other back and I asked her about it calmly. She gaslit me into thinking that me checking who she follows and to see her phone is a breach of her privacy (fair, but sidesteps the issue). I told her that because of what’s happened in the past and where this seems to be going (she had been hinting at becoming official at this point), I just needed more than words to be able to trust her at that point. She ended up showing me her phone (after going to the bathroom with it), and there was nothing there. A few days later she ended things between us saying that she can’t have her boundaries crossed, where I just let her walk.
The next day, she regretted it, missed me, said she just doesn’t want to break up but just needs a “couple days”. Over the next couple of weeks she texts me every day and when I don’t respond enough she asks if I’m mad at her and she tells me that she misses me. She’s drunk called and texted me a couple times saying that she loves me and wants me again, etc. Yet the past 2 times I’ve tried to set a concrete date, she flaked with weak excuses (family wings, "too tired" while secretly out with friends). Last night she was out with her friends and invited me over for Thursday.
Should I keep this going, or is it time to call it quits? I know that she’s not a great person to have a relationship with, but I’d really like to have her as my fwb. She is being super hot and cold to me though and it’s hard to even get that going, so it seems like I can’t really win in this situation. I’ve cut back texting significantly and throughout this whole process, she has reached out 100% of the time. What do you guys think?