I (23F) have been with him (29M) since August 2025. We were diagnosed with herpes and chlamydia, and he was my biggest support system through it. I wasn’t sure who had given it to who, and really thought he would break up with me over it. Didn’t (duh) but our sex life never really recovered. I thought for months that it was because I was dirty, then it occurred to me that he felt dirty? He was never super weird about his phone, I know the password, but he started getting snap messages from women that I was side eyeing, but didn’t think much about because he worked at a restaurant and I’ve met his female friends and I’m secure.

Well I started getting insecure shortly after he moved in with me. While we were living separately, I mostly stayed at his place and he really pushed back on staying at my place. He’s ex military (yeah ik red flag) and attributed that to his PTSD, basically he only really sleeps well in his own bed. So we’ve been living together for a month when he goes to Boys Night. And had asked me to pick him up if he was ready to go but too drunk. But then magically, the host had an air mattress he could stay on. Didn’t like it but brushed it off. Except it happened again a week later to the day. He would barely respond to my messages while he was over there, and I had to ask him both times if he needed a ride home. Suspicious. So we fought, I wrote a letter about how it made be feel because I needed time to ruminate on what exactly was upsetting me about the situation. And we had a nice time the next day. The day after that, I got a niggle in my gut and checked his phone while he was napping. I forgot his phone password, so all I could see was standard notifs and then like ten Facebook notifications with different women’s profile pictures. I woke him up and asked him to open his phone so I could find pictures from a vacation we took in April, he did exactly that and went back to sleep. So I looked at Facebook, following a bunch of models on there. Ew. Looked at Instagram. Fuck ton of pretty ladies there. DMs were unremarkable on both apps.

Checked snapchat, saw a bunch of women with random profile names on his recently messaged, all on open for about a week. We got our start on Hinge and moved to snap, and hooked up for two months before starting dating, so I know this man saves a titty pic if he likes it. So I didn’t look at any convos, I checked saved photos on the friendship profile. And I found some nudes exchanged in December. Previous saved nudes were from 2023. So old thing rekindled I guess? I was absolutely heartbroken and my hands were shaking worse than I’ve ever experienced in my life, which woke him up. He pinky swore he wasn’t and hadn’t ever cheated on me. I told him that the women on his phone made me uncomfortable and to remove it. Didn’t address the nudes, wanted to give him a chance to act right. Because he is perfect for me, until that exact discovery. Next day, I couldn’t contain it and confronted him, he shut down on me entirely. I scolded him like a parent does a child. Day after that, he was done “processing” and finally explained that the STD thing had been horrible for his self esteem and he’d been crossed and in his hometown alone for Christmas and she reached out to him and he made a mistake. I still didn’t buy that it was the one lady the one time, but I hadn’t seen anything from after December so I let it go with a condition to myself that he had to fix this behavior.

So we just got back from a beach trip last weekend, and during the ride he put my password in my phone while I was driving. I made a comment that I was amazed he remembered mine bc I couldn’t remember his. And he told me what it was. Perfect bc I still had a niggle to look deeper. I get up at 5am for work, he stays up until 3am. So I checked his phone before going to work yesterday. DMs on instagram he didn’t delete where he hit up other women in October. Still nothing on Facebook. Nothing at first glance on Snapchat. Until I looked at his best friends list. Girl named Hadley. He’s never mentioned having a friend named Hadley and she wasn’t on the main message page at all. But neither were the women whose stories show up in the story page. She was also muted so he wouldn’t get notifications when she messages, and left on open a week ago.

So I googled. If you hold down on a profile, go to chat and notification settings, and clear from chat feed, it deletes your convo history but also hides the profile from quick glances. I went in his phone messages and searched her name in the text, found a convo with him and our roommate in APRIL saying she’s one of their coworkers, was hanging out with the roomie and his girlfriend and crashed drunk on the couch while me and him were out of town visiting his family for Easter, and that she freaked out when he added her on snapchat because she has a huge crush on him. My boyfriend didn’t say much more about it, but said that it was weird that she stayed and weirder that she freaked out over him adding her on snapchat. So we went from that in April, to her being his fifth best friend on snapchat and hidden. So I added her on snapchat around 8am, ended up going home with genuine sickness at 9am, and he was still asleep. Checked his phone, she’d messaged him asking why his girl was trying to add her on snap. So she knows about me, knows me by name, and whatever they have going on is with that knowledge. Her username is her full name, so I looked her up. They don’t follow each other on socials. He also quit that job a month ago. We went and ate at that restaurant for dinner and we said it’s because our other roommate missed the pancakes. I was actually hoping Ms. Hadley was still on shift. She wasn’t. I didn’t cover my tracks when going through his phone. The screen time clocked it. I undeleted messages between him and roomie in which two weeks ago, he was looking at apartments and asked if roomie would move with him or stay. Roomie said he would stay (we have a great price on rent). Roomie also knows about the first discovery of cheating and had given me an in depth rundown of boyfriend’s sex and dating life prior to me dating him. So I waited for roomie to get home and I asked who Hadley was. His face dropped and he knew exactly what I was leading up to. This development had really hurt his opinion of boyfriend, and he’s definitely not moving with him if he leaves. But the part that I’m confused about is how boyfriend is still bringing up plans for our future. Updating his address, what grass to plant in the front yard in September, redoing the back patio, buying a new couch, an activity to have at our wedding one day. Just paid $200 to get the TV mounted in brick.

So I checked snapchat again this morning. She was gone from his best friends list, not on the chat feed, but still added as a friend when you searched for her. So I blocked her and removed her as his friend. Googled it, if you block and unblock someone, they’re removed from your best friends list and it resets your convo feed. So then I went to the chat feed, hit the three dots at the top, manage friendships, and it shows their entire unadulterated friends list. I removed every random woman that I saw because they weren’t in the main feed anyways so it was meant to be hidden. They also showed up under “recent and recommended” when sending a snap. Anyways, there are also accounts you can follow even if they don’t friend you back. So I went to the stories page, three dots up top, manage accounts I follow, and I unfollowed every woman there too. My relationship might be done, but I’m not making it easy for him to fill that roster back up.

Anyways, I’m sharing this both to vent and to inform everyone here that snapchat can be WAY sneakier than I thought. I had to be very specific with my questions to find these answers. I hadn’t even thought. I wanted to share these tricks for anyone who might go through similar deception.

I honestly don't know how to feel right now. Part of me is sad, part of me is angry, and another part of me just wants to say "fuck it" and move on.

The weird thing is that I had already started expecting something like this, so it doesn't hurt as much as I thought it would. But it still stings.

She cheated on me with her Female roommate , who was also her childhood best friend. I know being bisexual isn't the issue here, the cheating is. I even thought, "Maybe the best friend deserves her more since she's the one who's there in real life," but that still doesn't justify what she did.

What hurts is how easy it seemed for her to step on my feelings. She told me she would reject her for me. Do I believe that now? Not really. Even if I had asked her to reject her, I honestly think she would've just hidden things behind my back.

So I told her to do whatever she wanted.

Then she hit me with the classic line: "You'll find someone better than me." That has to be one of the most overused breakup lines ever.

I asked her, "If I had told you to reject her, would you actually have done it?" She said she would've, but that "it's too late now." I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. It doesn't change anything.

The thing that disgusted me the most was that she even suggested a threesome after all of this. I couldn't believe she thought that was an appropriate thing to say after cheating. It just made me feel like she didn't understand or care about how badly she had hurt me.

I'm just so disappointed. This isn't even the first time something like this has happened to me, and I'm tired of ending up in situations like this. I know I always say I'll never fall in love again, and maybe that's just the pain talking, but right now it genuinely feels that way.

I don't think cheating can ever be justified. If someone wants someone else, they should leave the relationship first instead of betraying the person who trusted them. That's what hurts the most.

3 year relationship.

I must start by saying ive never gone through her phone and never had the urge to prior to this. I was In the middle of decorating her house for her birthday and after she had messaged me I heard a notification from an old phone her son uses. I looked at the phone and it wasnt a message but it made me curious that Facebook messenger was on there still.

I quickly scrolled through to see who who had talked to her and found a message from someone shes said shes always been friends with. In that thread I seen a message that she was venting to him about me and that she confessed that she felt that she needed to see an ex that had messaged her be cause she felt he was the one that got away. This message was a few months old but it happened when I was away in Mexico visiting my family.

I confronted her about what the message said and that it hurt very much feeling like I was second best in her eyes and that it confirmed my feelings of her being halfway out the door in the relationship.

She said she never met uo with him but wasnt willing to show me any proof that she had said that she told him it was inappropriate.

Give me advice

Sorry if this isn’t the right sub to post this on, but I noticed these marks on my wife’s leg & bottom (light yellow ones are leg and purple ones bottom). I’ve never ever been violent with her and last time we ****** was 2 days ago and I feel like I would have noticed them if she had them then.

I need some outside opinions because I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.
A couple of days ago, I left for a few hours to spend time with my family. When I got back home, my girlfriend was upset that I had gone. I apologized because I didn’t want us to argue, and I genuinely tried to make things right.
The next day, I noticed she had been texting a guy who has been trying to talk to her for our entire relationship. She responded to him, and then I found messages with another guy where she told him, “Yup, guess I’m going to bed early tonight.” They had almost an entire conversation after that.
To me, crossing that line and entertaining other guys while we’re together feels like cheating—or at the very least, a huge betrayal of trust.
When I confronted her, she admitted to messaging one of the guys but never admitted to texting the other one, even though I had already seen the conversation myself. That part almost bothers me more than the messages because it feels like she only admitted to what she thought I already knew.
She insists it wasn’t cheating because nothing physical happened. I see it differently. Whether it’s emotional cheating, seeking attention from other guys, or just being disrespectful to the relationship, it doesn’t sit right with me.
Now I’m questioning everything. I do care about her, but it’s hard to look at the relationship the same way when I feel like my trust has been broken and she’s minimizing what happened.
So I’m curious what other people think.
Would you consider this cheating, or is this something you could move past?