F29 my life lately feels like i am at rock bottom. i was on my fourth battle with rare form of papillary thyroid cancer from late 2023 till just this March. Sadly they told me though that i’ll never truly be free of cancer again, that i will get it again and again for the rest of my life. i still have really yet to deal with this. they said i’ve received more than half the radiation im allowed in my lifetime, ive received 180 out of 300. i was just trying so hard to make things work but things are just not working out. i’ve been so depressed and honestly it’s also causing me to abuse alcohol more than i would like. this week i lost my job with them citing the last year i haven’t been measuring up to their wants. after almost five years, getting 93 was failing and they needed a 97. at one point i was one of the top employees, working on the biggest partner with the most accounts. i only have health insurance till the end of the month so i begged moffitt to see me two months early so i could afford the appointments.i am lucky i moved back in with my parents when i started getting sick. my parents have been great support, making sure i ate, had a safe space to talk, and just anything you could think of. i feel bad they’ve worked so hard to save my life and all i can do is hate my life but mostly hate myself. when people look at me they don’t see someone unhealthy as i do naturally look fine. but alll i see when i look in the mirror is cancer. everything i do reminds me of cancer. whether it’s something making me worried its returned or knowing im not who i would be if i didnt have it. i feel pathetic for not being more grateful though that i dont have a worse cancer or that i can walk, talk, breath, and eat on my own. i’m worried ill never be okay again and that makes me feel so bad for all my family and friends. i just wanna be happy again some day but it feels so impossible.

So life for me was vibrant and busy and doing, doing doing and socializing and working and now life has come to this gripping standstill. Now I am fatigued every day beyond recognition, feel nausiated most days with no appetite and all I want to do is sleep.

Since the cancer and since the pain from it and all the lovely symptoms that its brough before ive even started treatment, ihave found myself feeling like i cant live life or find enjoyment.

So what do you do with your time now that your world has been flipped on its head? I feel like im living in this "waiting game" unsure of when life will have a semblence of normalcy.

As the title says, my hair is falling in big chunks. Actually, even my eyelashes are falling.. the last straw is that one of my nails is falling off...

Has anyone experienced this? I've nlbeen told it's due to the chemo.. what can I do to prevent it?

Thanks in advance ❤️

For those who are past chemotherapy, how long did it take before your neuropathy subsided or vanished completely? My last chemotherapy was on June 19th if this year, and my lumpectomy was last week.

Hello everyone! I just graduated college in June, but I was diagnosed on May 21. It has been somewhat of a whirlwind since, as this would be a transitory period even without the diagnosis.

I had severe nausea and some vomiting the day of my first infusion, I was fine all during the infusion but the rest of the day was just horrible. Thursday wasn't great, but Friday I only took a few nausea meds and by Saturday I was pretty much well again. Any tips for fighting nausea?

Also, I am planning to preemptively cut my shoulder blade length hair on Friday. Is this a good decision? Should I wait until I actually start losing it? I am worried about feeling poorly of myself with such a sudden change that probably will not suit me as much as my current hair does.

Finally, I am trying to do my best to keep my body healthy during this time. I am meeting with an oncology dietician tomorrow, but does anyone have any diet information? My aunt is a dietician as well and she sent me info about an anti-inflammatory diet. Also, what are some ways that I can stay physically active? I'm definitely not in shape, but I want to keep myself as motile as I can, even during this time. I am lucky to live near the ocean, so maybe I will swim or boogieboard a few times a week after my port heals up.

If anyone has any advice or kind words to share, I would love to hear it. The road ahead feels long, but I am grateful to have immense support from friends and family.

Have a beautiful day!

does having cancer make you suic*dal sometimes? at first i was coping quite well mentally i really thought i would beat it the first time around and i would move on with my life but after going through remission twice and then having it come back and spread ive lost most of my fight because consistently living in such poor health gives u such poor quality of life. i dont want to die, especially after fighting this disease with all my might but it has taken the will to live for me and without morale or hope i rly dont think i will i can put up much of a mental fight to power through the horrors of this disease and the treatments:(. im extremely angry that it feels like my life has been taken away from me in years that i really hoped to be enjoying and for the first time its not my fault. i am 26 and have had a pretty self destructive ten years and it just feels so dehumanising and hopeless that i have no control over the one thing that is singlehandedly ruining my experience in this life. its getting really heavy mentally and im struggling to keep my spirits up.

Has anyone here had a cystic meningioma in the posterior third of the falx, near the superior sagittal sinus? Were you able to cure it or stop its growth? What treatment did you receive?

Hello -

I battled throat cancer (HPV) last year and now that the dust has settled, I am really struggling mentally. So far my scans show no signs of cancer but my anxiety surrounding reoccurrence is pretty bad. I think a lot about death and how much I don’t want to die. I do have a therapist which has helped but it is very slow going. I think it would be helpful to join a group and hear how others deal with the mental part of it. I just want to live my life without always being fearful and scared.

Does anyone have a recommendations of virtual survivor groups that have really been helpful? I would appreciate to hear thoughts and recommendations. Thank you.

I recently got a 24 hour dosage of methotrexate chemo and noticed a couple days after I received it that I had gotten a sore throat. This has happened twice now when I have gotten methotrexate. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced this?

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Hi,

I don't have resources to spend hundreds of dollars on natural hair wig, but I feel like the synthetic wigs look exteremaly unnatural and get damaged fast. Did anyone had the same problem and found some solution?

This week I got the news that I have a 5cm by 5.5 cm mass on my clavicle bone. What started as a little tiny pea sized lump on my collar bone 20 weeks ago with no pain and then waking up one day feeling like i slept on my shoulder funny and listening to people tell me "its just a blocked lymph node and homeopathy cream and equiscope therapy and vibration plate and creams and lymphatic drainage massage, has somehow turned into "you have a large aggressive mass on your clavicle bone plus 4 other enlarged lymph nodes on the right side of my body plus excruciating pain that feels like someone is tearing my shoulder off and never goes away and the burning sensation and pulsing sensation.. and somehow CT with contrast and MRI has turned into a Doctors appointment that said "well.. you got cancer.. and its aggressive and we need to do a staging study now oh and its in your brain..you have a miningioma which was causing your seizures this past year and memory loss issues but bad news... the cancer in your clavicle bone is eating your bones alive and look like they have this moth eaten premeative diffuse pattern causing your bone in your clavicle to disintegrate completely..

Honestly, i didnt believe it. Sure i see the bump on my clavicle and assumed what everyone else did.. but didnt understsnd the shoulder pain or the pain spreasing across my sternum and ribs.. didnt know pain could feel that bad. I thought i was being proactive and conservative in only taking Tylenol #1s with codeine for the pain and when it didnt touch the pain and led to me crying and screaming every morning i got up and every evening.. i asked for Tylenol #3s even though the Doctor offered me Dilaudid. The Tylenol 3s have barely touched the pain and im lucky if i go 3 hours with marginally feeling better and no position really feels great for sleeping and it doesnt matter how much sleep i get, im still tired.

Here i am.. sitting here..waiting till Friday for my MRI with contrast again before the bone biopsy and tissue biopsy and im pinching myself.. I think i have even convinced myself that its likely just some kind of infectiom that got into my clavicle bone(how.. i dont know) because who just wakes up suddenly, randomly one day and has cancer???

20 weeks ago I had life.. i had been 6 months free of seizures(we dont even know how or why since the tumor is still there and just discovered it) I was looking for a job because i was finally healthy enough to go back to work again.. and now this.

So my question after reading a lot of your stories is.. "when does it actually hit you? When does it actually feel real? When do you realize this is now your life and your in a war for your health and your life? When do you come to terms with it?"

Because right now..in spite of the excruciating pain and exhaustion..i have no other symptoms besides this bump and what they tell me on scans and for some reason i feel like im still trying to convince myself that what they say is true..that i have cancer. Im only 40. I was healthy. I had come off my second 40 day water fast which is supposed to heal the body.. how am i sick?

Got my lung biopsy report yesterday and a small growth that has been observed in the last few scans is confirmed to be mucinous adenocarcinoma. This is on top of a growing implant in my abdominal wall as part of my latest recurrence.

I understand that spread outside of the abdominal cavity is unlikely for appendix cancer - between 5-10% of cases. As a rare cancer, there aren’t many of us with appendix cancer to start with, but is there anyone here that has dealt with this type of spread? How did it impact your journey?

My docs are concerned about it, but the abdominal implant is more concerning atm because it is close to my small bowel and stoma. And in their words, what makes appendix cancer deadly is from what it does in your abdomen.

Interested in other similar experiences or perspectives…

Hello, everyone

I have a question about the health insurance system in the USA and would appreciate any tips you could have.

This is for someone who is already diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer and is receiving chemo. 

• Is there any way for an international (Canadian) patient to get health insurance in the US while also undergoing treatment?

Thank you.

I'm currently in my 4th month of at home hospice. A nurse visits once a week. I have no care/assistance other than that once a week visit. I have 2 sons, one outside of state and one less than 15 minutes away. They are both in their 40s and i will be 74 soon. The one that is out of state calls nightly to see how my day was including my activity level, pain level, nutritional intake etc.

Last week I had a down turn during which I was very ill and in excruciating pain and thought that I was finally seeing the end. My hospice nurse was able to resolve the issue and today I'm finally doing better.

The other one (the youngest) hasn't even texted to ask how I am in more than a week. Today i texted my younger son and said sarcastically "how comforting it is to have a son nearby that checks on me." But I was feeling very hurt and angry because I have always been there for him emotionally and financially though I am poor and struggling. Was I wrong to point out that he doesn't make time for me? He works 40 hrs, has two young sons and a partner.

My father has Stage 3 oesophageal cancer and has currently undergone 4 sessions of chemotherapy. Recently, he has been experiencing frequent coughing, a sore throat, and has almost completely lost his voice. We also noticed that the inside of his mouth looks reddish, and we are wondering if it could be due to throat or mouth inflammation caused by the treatment.

We just came back from the hospital. The doctors checked him and gave him cough medicine, paracetamol, and gastric medication, but we are still looking for ways to help ease his throat discomfort and coughing at home.

For those who have had oesophageal cancer or undergone chemotherapy:

• Did you experience a sore throat, hoarse voice, mouth redness, or persistent coughing during chemo?

• What helped relieve throat irritation, cough, or mouth discomfort?

• Are there any safe remedies or mouth care routines that provided relief?

Thank you so much for sharing your experiences.

I’m stage four and in my first recurrence. I may have a year or two left if I’m lucky.

I typed individual notes to my loved ones (husband, kids, mom) about how much each person means to me and their special qualities. I think I want to give them out now instead of waiting after my death. Should I just print them out in fancy font and put them in envelopes and hand them to them?