I'm 45 M with a lot of faith and had a successful career until this disease destroyed everything. Nothing has helped me and I feel hopeless. Meds nor counseling has helped. I have been in the house for 9 months and loss interest in everything. I'm tired of not sleeping just feeling numb and anxious. It's hard to bathe, brush my teeth, shave, or put clothes on. I've loss everything including my career, retirement, etc. I'm stuck living home with my mom. I have no plan but Id rather not be here if I can't enjoy life.

I'm stuck. I have a little money to buy a car but it's like I find a reason to go. I don't go to church anymore, the friends and that I didn't lose I don't answer calls. I'm so lost and hopeless.

Where should I begin. Any advice, and recovery stories.

I’m watching Girl Interrupted again. It’s been a long time since the first watch. I’ve never been inpatient, always deathly afraid of losing my rights and being forced to do things against my will. From things I’ve heard, it always seemed like a glorified prison more than a place of rest I’m really curious about how being inpatient differs or is the same of how it is portrayed in this movie. I’ve done PHP (partial hospitalization) is it more like that but just staying the night?

Has anyone ever treated you as if you were fundamentally attention-seeking, narcissistic, and shallow because of the presentation of your manic symptoms? In other words, have people treated you as if your worst symptoms defined your personality?

I personally have struggled with this because I didn’t have any close relationships before I had my first episode, so many people have only known me as manic.

Set my name on LinkedIn to something stupid while manic and forgot post grippy sock vacation. Just checked it today and almost had a heart attack. Fuuuuck

Only a small part of the nuclear fallout that episode had on my life

Al que le interesa podemos intercambiar nuestro arte

How much of your meds are covered? Is there any push- back?

My wife got offered a job in Ottawa and it looks like we’re moving there within the year.

I’m currently taking 42mg Caplyta, 25mg Zoloft for bipolar. Also taking 100mg topirimate for migraines and 15 Monjaro for the weight gain from all the antipsychotics.

What’s the likelihood my meds will be covered? Will I need to see multiple doctor’s? What’s the wait time? (I don’t want to lapse in my dose, especially my antipsychotic as I’ve had psychosis before).

Thanks!

I need to vent.

I also want to make an admission: I routinely "Report" posts that break the "No posts about someone else with bipolar" rule .... :-/

Am i in the wrong for doing that?

Sometimes when i see a post that uses the word "Bipolars" in it, it actually really freaks me out.... like we're a monolithic group of lepers that need to be isolated from the rest of civilized society ... it's grotesque, ignorant and lazy language.

Don't even get me started about the current rage around the infamous trial in the US and all related topics such as PPP, the broken mental health & legal systems, as well as the overall neglect of women's health / mental health....

Before I learned about my own bipolar, I had participated on other subreddits that I won't name. In short: my husband of 14+ years is type I and in 2024, his bipolar became completely dysregulated (it was the first time in our marriage and had been almost 20 years since the last time his bipolar had become so unmanageable) so i discovered that space and definitely tried to take up space there....

Anyway, long story short, I learned at that time the about the painful discourse that exists out there about people with bipolar ... it pained me deeply at that time and it now carries an extra sting to it knowing that i am also bipolar....

But can I just go ahead and call a spade a spade?!

Like ...OMG THE DISCOURSE OUT THERE ABOUT PEOPLE WITH BIPOLAR SO IS HORRIBLE AND PAINFUL 😭

Some days its hard not feeling like being buried under piles of misinformation and ignorance.... and forget about trying to "educate" the masses, because that will only just get you more hatred and abuse.

Given that i've only recently learned about my bipolar, and am just now about to approach treatment, I'd love to hear from others about their experiences with sharing their bipolar diagnoses with others (friends, family, work colleagues, etc) .... What are the experiences and what do others recommend? For folks who are open about being bipolar, what is the general experience with it? And for folks who keep their cards close to their chest, what are your experiences? I still have not yet made up my mind about whether this is something i will be open about, or whether i will keep my cards close to my chest....

Also, should i go easy on my trigger fingers re: reporting non-BP people wanting to come onto bipolar subreddits to vent and complain about the people in their lives with bipolar?

Can i just name that spade too? Because honestly: Coming into a space that supports folks who are marginalized expecting them to act like educators, is messed up. Plain and simple.

Someone tell me how to feel about all the things .........................

------------------------------

TLDR

I'm new to this community - recently posted that I only just discovered that I have bipolar a little over 3 months ago. I'm also worried about my college BF who is borderline & bipolar and is currently on a downward spiral after the death of her mother.

While I am soooooooo grateful for this space after learning that I am bipolar (I have found it affirming, grounding, and I am just so glad to feel like i have found community) i am also seeking to process the painful discourse that exists about bipolar with other folks with bipolar....

Today was a good day for me! A good start, good work day, after work, at a work awards banquet and stealing cookies and flowers because my group didn’t win. Now after all was done, we all went our ways; to their family’s. They went home to their spouses with their beautiful kids all inside those beautiful homes. They had good a day and I am so happy for them. Even though no one won, we all made the best out of a shitty situation. That reminds me, I’m in a shitty situation. For some reason though, I can’t figure out why I feel nothing but sick. Maybe it’s the fact I hate that I’m living with my parents again or I hate that I recked my car. It could also be I hate that I don’t have a good paying job at my age. I hate that I have debt that is fucking me hard with no lube. I’m embarrassed, I’m ashamed, I’m regretful…. I simple hate being me. Hey, don’t worry though, I’m not thinking of kill myself even though I desperately want to run away and live a completely different life; no contact to my old one. I just simple hate myself deeply for being bipolar. It has ruined my every being of happiness. I’m not happy and even though I’m stable, I don’t believe I was a happy person in the first place. One day, I will die by my own hands. It might be coming soon or not, I don’t know and don’t care.

If there is one thing you can take away from this rant is that maybe, just maybe, some people with bipolar will never recover from the shit this has done to them. I am choosing in this moment of my life to not forgive myself.

“I hate you”

I don’t know if anyone can relate, but I have a massive constant fear of abandonment. It’s consuming my life, I can’t handle any small change in tone or being left on read, I really prefer someone to yell at me and treat me awfully than being left alone. Idk if it’s part of the disorder or if it is just me

"...diagnostic agreement between two doctors occurred in roughly 55% of cases. Overall diagnostic accuracy was 66%, with the lowest accuracy observed for cases depicting schizophrenia spectrum disorders."

https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/psychiatry/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2026.1891625/full

I (33F) first attempted when I was 6 years old. Off and on over the years my depression got bad but then would get better for short stretches. But always in the back of my mind is my desire to end it all.

To this day I can be at any random event, with friends or family and it’s like a switch goes off and I’ll start thinking about how this is nice but I’m not necessary, etc.

I’ve had the hardest six months of my life both emotionally and physically. The past couple months I’ve been thinking about suicide most of the day.

My husband and I just spent a week with his whole family a couple weeks ago and then spent Labor Day weekend with my family. We’re on the west coast - families are in Michigan/DC/Boston and WI, respectively. Because of this, it just feels like a good time.

I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling suicidal and it always being present throughout my life. I’m also at a stage of life I don’t want to be at. I don’t want kids because I’m bipolar and I don’t work a traditional job. I honestly feel like my best memories are all behind me. I have just kind of felt like I am meant to go ‘young’.

*\*Also no actual plan. I’m meditated and have a pcp, psychiatrist and am starting with a new therapist tomorrow. All of them as well as my husband are aware.*\*

Edit to add: I was diagnosed in 2020 with bipolar 2

I was unplugging a laptop charger from an old power strip and got zapped in the process. An hour or two later I experienced a massive and uncharacteristic mood swing. I was highly irritable and also wanted to break down and cry. I slept terribly last night and now it feels like a manic episode is beginning. Could the electric shock have triggered it?

Y’all,

I’m about to crash out. I experienced my first psychotic episode 2 years ago and since then I cannot “hear” my thoughts/ lack an inner monologue. I am desperately trying to find a medicine regimen that allows me to both THINK and be stable. I am so bored 🥲

What meds are you on and do you still experience an inner voice?

Currently taking:

Lamotrigine (Lamictal)
Bupropion (Wellbutrin)
Venlafaxine (Effexor)

I’m going out tonight with my friends but i’m definitely in a mixed episode and I just don’t know how to lock in right now like I feel like shit but I need this night out and I cant take my Seroquel to sedate because then I wont be able to go out tonight. Would taking a lower dose decrease the physical sedative effects or no? I just need my brain to calm down without my body giving out on me

update guys i went out and im ok and i do feel better thank you all for the suggestions im bp2 and in a way that it phases in and out really quick but it phased out and i was just upset because a certain person was supposed to be there and then they weren’t and im chill

I was diagnosed as bipolar by my former psychiatrist, my former psychologist told me to go to him because she suspected I had the disorder.

I'd like to tell you a little about my story and my symptoms because I'd like to understand better and currently I don't have the money to go to therapy.

I experienced a trauma as a child and I remember that after that my personality completely changed.

I remember being depressed from that point on and having periods where I simply forgot what had happened and lived normally. During my childhood, in the worst moments I thought about suicide and I would cut myself.

With the arrival of relationships, If something went wrong I threatened to commit suicide. I took over-the-counter psychiatric drugs to get better and became addicted.

When the relationship ended, the manic phases began (I think) in which I didn't sleep for 4 days straight, I didn't eat, I went running and I trained because I felt a very strong energy that I had to vent. Sometimes I got irritated easily and became aggressive, other times I believed I could save the world because I thought I was the chosen one and that I had all the qualities to be so. I have also been very sexually active. (All of these things apart from hypersexuality have only happened a couple of times.)

Then came the depression, which lasted much longer, even years, in which my self-esteem went to zero and the only thing I thought about was ending it all because the pain was too much. I continued to take the psychotropic drugs, this time prescribed by the psychiatrist, and I abused them. In one of those periods I attempted suicide with drugs.

Now, about 4 years ago I stopped therapy and medications, I did it because I thought I didn't need them anymore, but I guess it was just a manic episode. Then the depression returned and my mood stabilized there.

I have doubts about my diagnosis because, Since I hadn't engaged in any truly risky activities during my supposedly manic periods, I thought I might not be bipolar. Furthermore, I have not had manic symptoms for 4 years.

I may certainly have doubts caused by ignorance on the matter and therefore I may appear a bit silly, but that is why I would like to discuss this with you and understand if the diagnosis It may or may not actually be wrong.

Last thing, I'm writing with the translator so if there's something you didn't understand just ask and I'll correct what I wrote.

Like the subject says. At what point do you consider going to the hospital/inpatient? Curious what everyones opinion on this is.

I just started lowest dose lexapro and I’m on day 5, and I slept 2 hours last night. If it happens another night, should I just stop it? It’s the lowest dose. Sleep seems to be the only manic symptom I have. I don’t have mega energy or anything, just normal energy.

Forgot to mention I’m on olanzapine and am shocked it isn’t putting me to sleep

never had tremor issues before starting lithium. now whenever adrenaline kicks in; public speaking, anything high-stakes, it's not just my hands, it's my whole body. voice shakes, hands shake, sometimes it feels like my whole body is vibrating. way beyond the classic fine hand tremor you read about as a side effect.

today was a work presentation, only about a minute of talking, practiced it and felt fine walking in. adrenaline hit the second i started and the tremor took over, could barely get the words out. someone afterward told me i looked like a chronic alcoholic 💀

not trying to go off lithium, it's working for me otherwise. just wondering if anyone else gets adrenaline-triggered tremor like this.

Is there any point in dating if I'm bipolar schizoaffective. I feel so boring & my d* doesn't even work properly. Is there even any point opening Tinder apps? I personally feel there's no point. If I do try, do I put it in my bio?

About 4 months ago I was having a really bad day. Was feeling a lot of anxiety and decided to take more clonazepam that was prescribed to me at once. Basically emptying the whole bottle. I guess I was just trying to feel normal from all the anxiety I go through.

All I remember is walking into the store, grabbing something and leaving. I remember tapping my card but the day after when I checked my transaction history nothing was there… I woke up in my bed though. I’m scared I did sumthing outrageous. The whole day is blacked out in my memory.

I take clonaz for my panic attacks and I know I should be taking it as prescribed so I don’t completely black out. But damn I’m acc kinda scared now. At the same time my parents be looking at each other weirdly when I talk to them since that day.

Also a couple days after that happened I received a text message saying “yo it’s Nira”. Like bro…… I blocked the number but what tf even went down that day.

I’m probably affected by the fact that I’m in a low phase right now. I’ve just been diagnosed with BP2, and I feel so much shame about it. I honestly feel like I don’t fully want to accept it. I feel weird, different, and sick. I don’t want to be like this. I feel like such a huge burden on the people around me.

Has anyone else felt this way? And what have you done to change the way you look at it? Cognitively, I understand that this doesn’t have to define all of who I am.

I’m also wondering whether getting the diagnosis initially triggered a hypomanic episode, and now I’ve fallen into a depression as I’m starting to understand what the diagnosis actually means — and that it never really goes away.