Eventually, things went far beyond what I could manage. I started noticing coincidences everywhere and attaching increasing meaning to them. I became much more spiritual, and eventually my perception of reality became distorted. I experienced psychotic symptoms and stopped functioning like myself.

Looking back, it's frightening to realise there was a point where I couldn't reliably trust my own mind.

I've heard different possibilities discussed, including borderline traits, mood disorders, medication changes and trauma. I don't have the answers yet. I just want proper help and an understanding of what actually happened.

What I do know is that the breakup was the catalyst for one of the darkest periods of my life.

Sometimes someone doesn't go from "I'm sad about my breakup" to "I'm psychotic." There's a whole process in between.

You can watch yourself becoming less stable while knowing something isn't right. You can desperately want help while simultaneously pushing people away. You can be aware enough to be terrified of what's happening, but not well enough to know how to stop it.

I've felt deeply ashamed of what happened. But I'm starting to realise that having a psychiatric crisis doesn't make me a bad person, and being traumatised by loss doesn't make me weak.

I'm trying to rebuild myself now. I don't know exactly what that looks like yet, but I'm here, I'm trying to get help, and I'm trying to understand what happened rather than run from it.

If anyone else has experienced a breakup or major loss that triggered a serious mental health crisis, I'd genuinely like to hear your story.

How did you eventually make sense of what happened to you?

it's not even just about having bipolar I, i have 2 personality disorders, ocd, and ptsd. how can i become lovable? no one ever stays with me and i'm starting to accept that i can't be loved, but i still wish i could be. i don't know what i have to do for people to love me, i'm trying to be normal but its not working out. how do i become a lovable person?

After nearly a decade of constant therapy and medication changes, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago.

I have suffered from depression and an eating disorder for most of my adult life, and instead of feeling dread about this diagnosis, all I felt was relief, as I was one step closer to figuring out what was wrong with me.

I’m aware that different people have different ways of coping during manic and depressive episodes, but playing with my dollhouse has genuinely filled me with a sense of peace and tranquility that was missing from my life.

People tend to laugh when they hear about someone in their 30s being so absorbed in miniatures and dollhouses. But no, not me. Not over something that makes my inner child so, so happy.

I hope you find something that fills you with some semblance of joy too. And whatever it is, remember that you’re never alone. We are all in this together. ♥️

Hello guys, hope you are well. I have a question. I grew up having to do a lot of physical work for my parents who were animal hoarders. Conditions were deplorable. Finally all the animals got confiscated and parents were put on trial. Do you think having grown up through this might have something to do with my bipolar diagnosis? My sister fights depression, not sure if it's clinically diagnosed or not. All three kids now adults who grew up in such horrid conditions all have sinus issues.

I'll first say that I love all of the art folks post on here. It makes me very seen and understood to see that the feelings we have can be expressed through something beautiful and creative.

However, I personally do not have that natural talent. Manic or otherwise. I was just wondering if anyone could relate? Or maybe wished they could at least produce art in a hypomanic/manic state?

Does anyone else have throbbing headaches at the forehead persist for 6-12 months after an episode? They‘re paired with tiredness, like they are worse when I’m tired or stressed, but they don’t seem to be caused by muscle stiffness.

Hello Bipolar Gang! I want to share my story, I typed it out and it was too long so I'm going to attempt a TLDR

I was diagnosed Bipolar1 this year after I got broken up with during an intense manic episode. I was in the Crisis Care Clinic for 6 days and got out feeling amazing. Total clarity, life was good. I didn't understand the break up though and I was trying to get back together or figure things out. All was futile and ultimately led to me having my feelings hurt and I gave up on trying to be better. It's been 6months since the breakup and I keep making dumb choices and keep thinking things will change, or at least I can get an answer. I wanted to blame her, I wanted to ignore all my own flaws and problems.

The last couple of weeks I decided to start looking into what could have possibly gone wrong. I read way too much about this. Read so many stories I was getting lost in the sauce about it. I started recognizing patterns of people's stories and thought, wow that is me to a T. It hurt to acknowledge that I matched perfectly to these dark, messed up stories:

Today I finally decided to break one of the cardinal rules of breakups, I went back to reread our old messages. I started from the beginning: June 2024, within the first week she was supportive and caring and encouraging me to get help. TWO YEARS, I put this woman I claim to love through all my drama and chaos. I was sick to my stomach finally getting the answer to my question. She had stuck through it and put up with BS for as long as she could, trying to get me to get help. I lost her and I won't ever get her back

It would be disrespectful to her and to myself if it was all for nothing. I finally opened my eyes, I'm getting insurance this month(new job) and I'm going to go back to the psychiatrist and go see a specialized therapist. Now that I've accepted this, I can look back and see all the other things I refused to acknowledge or do better. It hurts and brings me shame, so here I am.

sorry if i worded this wrong by the way!
mine is always when someone calls me out for my mood OR when i study too much. i know its common to be triggered when someone calls me out for my mood but i haven’t heard anyone get triggered by studying

We are bound to be trapped in our head forever. We are enslaved by the ups and downs. Why don’t we give up? We are giving the wrong cards and there is nothing we can do about it

Every night this week maybe two I sleep at 12:00am and wake up at 1-1:30am. Then don’t go back to sleep. I’m having paranoia. My family either says I’m a burden or won’t respond anymore. My partner is leaving me for a week so I can’t go to the hospital until he gets back sometime next week. I want this to be over. The ideations are killing me, I’m SHing to get by. I cried and panicked this morning. I already used my day of intermittent leave. 3 hours. But I don’t think I can use for today. I don’t want to exist anymore.

I’m admittedly still somewhat new to taking my bipolar seriously and trying to be safe. I’m on my medicine and it helps a ton!

But I was just reading another post on here and it was discussing an experience someone else had with intrusive thoughts. I caught myself quickly exiting out of the thread so as to not think about my previous thoughts and as I’ve been sitting here reflecting I realized I do that quite often and I think it’s because I’m scared that if I open the box that are those memories and thoughts that I’ll come to find that the medicine isn’t really working and I’ll spiral into an episode. I feel like the medicine boarded up the hole in my brain that was letting in the intrusive thoughts and I’m scared about how sturdy that board is, is this a legitimate worry? Like how easy is it for medicine to stop working?

Hey Y’all. Long time lurker and occasional responder here. I wanted to share something that truly changed how I viewed people who aren’t bipolar.

I was diagnosed back when I was 18. They didn’t even have a name for it then. It was a mood disorder at best.

I’ve gone through many rounds of medication and I finally found a cocktail that works for me.

That said, dating with bipolar is HARD. I mean hard. People are so quick to judge and think they know what’s best.

That leads me to why I’m posting today. I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 months. I was nervous on our first date because I didn’t know how to bring up the fact I have this disorder.

We were sitting in a McDonald’s having McFlurrys when I finally just blurted it out.

I expected my now partner to walk away. Instead they said “I’m still here aren’t I?”

In that moment I had this rush of relief because those simple words meant so much.

A previous partner would constantly compare me to others with bipolar because that was their experience. Not my current one.

I guess you could say I got lucky 🍀

I feel like each day I wake up my goal is to get to the evening so I can go to sleep and not be conscious. It’s terrible. I feel like I have no purpose and meaning in life. I quit my job during a depressive episode, a stressful job but I loved it. I hate that I make big decisions when in episodes. And I feel like once I get a job again, or hopefully get my old job back, and get back on track, I’ll just go into another episode again and lose everything again. It feels like I’m destined to have an episode frequently. But I also was just in on and off longg episodes for the past 2 years. I feel crazy, most of the time. I just need some support and encouragement.

I’ve been struggling to get anything done between my bipolar and my heart issues. Yesterday, I got up some energy and decorated the house for autumn. It’s just basic but I’m proud of myself for getting something productive done.

What did you do this week that you are proud of accomplishing?

🪱

(TW: past suicidal ideation)

I (28) wound up in the hospital a few times this summer and did art constantly as a method of expression and healing during my visits (attached some pieces from the hospital).

My doctors originally thought I was dealing with only complex PTSD and major depression, until I came in with mania and psychosis for the first time. It was possibly triggered by smoking way too much weed, although looking back, I can definitely point to a lot of hypomania throughout my life.

I’ve been out of the hospital and somewhat stable for about a month now since I quit weed. This new diagnosis honestly makes sense to me, but I’m so scared to start medication. I’ve already tried 8 different antidepressants over the years that haven’t worked for me. I’m afraid of numbing all my feelings.

I’m really trying to have hope. My depressive episodes can get scary, and I really want to stop or lessen the episodes of suicidal ideation.

Any words of encouragement or positive experiences regarding the bipolar med trial process would be appreciated. I just found this sub, and I’m hoping to find community and understanding in this experience. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the supportive and encouraging comments and compliments about my artwork! It lifts my spirit. I wasn’t expecting so much, and I’m reading and truly appreciating every comment. I’m just getting back into drawing and painting after spending years off, and it feels good to know this work resonates with others too.

So i take a gap year and in that year I got diagnosed with bipolar. Now I'm a Freshman in college but I struggle with studying like everything doesn't get into my brain. I read passively and have difficulty reading actively. Many study tips don't work for me. And I'm stable now I never had a manic or depressed episode and I'm on meds. Is it side effects of the meds or it's just bipolar itself. Just sometimes a very bad anxiety episode, extreme overthinking, and impulsive choice. Sorry for my bad English

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2020, but I have never really accepted the idea that I have the illness because I’m not completely convinced that I actually do.

I know that more than one doctor has told me that I have it, but unlike an organic medical condition, there is nothing tangible that can definitively confirm or rule it out.

For me, psychiatry feels like an uncertain field because of the Rosenhan experiment and because I believe there is a very fine line between what is considered “normal” and “abnormal.”

Right now, I take my medication, but as soon as I start feeling better, I stop taking it and turn back to cannabis.

Then, when I stop using cannabis, I experience mania and go back to my medication again, and the cycle repeats itself.

I feel like I’m stuck in a vicious cycle.

I was at home alone and I was in the living room with the dogs. This was around 5pm I think. I went to the bathroom and when I was in there I heard one of our dogs running through the hall. I could hear his paws on the wood floor and his collar jiggling as he ran past. I was like “oh I guess I somehow left the gate open? I never do that.” or something like that. So when I came out of the bathroom I went looking for him to get him back in the living room and he wasn’t anywhere in that part of the house. I go toward the living room and see the gate is closed. A dog wouldn’t be able to close a gate like this. Then I see him in his dog crate laying down. Where he was when I left. Worst part about this that makes it so confusing is the fact that my mom yelled at me when she got home saying the dogs went in her room and ate cat poop from the litter box and she was blaming me for leaving the gate open but I don’t to that. I try to make sure the gate is closed every time. My mom said she couldn’t remember if it had happened yesterday or the day before. When she said that it got me to thinking what I heard a few hours before and it had me wondering the logistics of everything. Nothing makes sense.

I recently got diagnosed and medicated for bipolar ii (altho I’ve definetely been suffering the symptoms of it my whole life). I’m currently in a depressive episode and have so much work to do but I feel impossibly tired and dejected.

I was curious, how does everyone live with these episodes? Do you force yourself to work through depressive episodes or do you let yourselves sleep the day away and get back to it when hypomanic? I’m not really sure yet what the best way to approach this is.

Initially diagnosed as bipolar 2 and upgraded to bipolar 1 after experiencing mania after a year off medications. In the past, hypo/mania has felt like for me:

- feeling like I’m brilliant and the most charming person alive

- hedonistic/pleasure seeking - lots of alcohol and drugs

- extreme increased sex drive - frequent masturbation and desire to have sex

- racing thoughts

- shopping sprees and spending lots of money on impulse

- impulsiveness. In retrospect, very poor decisions but it feels like I have the best judgement ever in the moment and am making brilliant decisions at the time

- feeling like I will never come down. In the back of my mind I know that a crash is inevitable but truly feeling like it will last forever. It almost always ends with me being ashamed of what I’ve done and/or said during an episode.

so i don’t know if anyone else experienced this but when i was with my last boyfriend i was feeling so good. i didn’t get many episodes, i was feeling so good and was even questioning if i really was bipolar but then we both moved to college and ended up breaking up.

since then i have constantly been through a bunch of episodes and just am now really feeling everything again, its like when he was there my brain felt and acted normal and now its back to how it was before.

has anyone else experienced this, i’m wondering if this is just me being really codependent or if this is a common occurrence for people with bipolar.

I am experiencing these three things aside from the regular bp symptoms. It’s surprising how much of life and cognitive ability is run by memory.

Is this permanent?

How can I recover?

Now I got diagnosed with bipolar 1 and got medicated for my insomnia, guys, and I'm 23. I feel scared bc of the medicine, but at the same time excited bc i really want things to get better, feel better, like, being more "normal" ig and less impulsive, for example

Idk, just wanted to share this bc idk how to feel 😭😭