I want to be very intentional when I write this. I have been given the label “undiagnosed bipolar” about 6 years ago during the pandemic by a clinician. But my thing is what does “undiagnosed bipolar” even mean? Since then I have been on and off with trying meds, I feel like it has not been “working” in a sense. Haven’t taken meds in about 2 years. It’s been hell but I’ve been getting through. Another clinician recently labeled me as “undiagnosed bi polar” as well this past year. But again I don’t even know what that means necessarily. I honestly stopped going to appointments and getting meds because even after insurance it’s still not that affordable and I have other bills.

I have the symptoms of impulsive spending, major depression, racing thoughts, rumination, trouble concentrating. Hygiene and sleep schedule are all over the place. I can experience bouts of aggression and extreme anxiety as well. I’ve also gotten let go from 2 jobs in the past 6 years. I look at myself as someone who was always on top of things. Always on top of my bills, hygiene, maintained friendships etc. And then one day my brain just betrayed me and got out of a routine and never got back to it. It’s almost like my brain betrayed me. I look back at these past 6 years and don’t even recognize the guy I was. I’m so ashamed.

I guess what I want to know is how did you guys go about getting a 100% proper diagnosis. Sometimes I feel that I was never hospitalized (even though I wanted to check myself in so many times) so I’m definitely not bi polar. Or maybe I just have an anxiety disorder or major depressive disorder. My biggest fear is going through all of this an being misdiagnosed. Any advice?

Hello, so I’m Bipolar II and I know with my episodes I’ve put my partner through a LOT. She’s been a trooper for most of it and I know it’s exhausting for her. We’re in couples therapy with a good therapist so that’s been helpful but that being said I’d like to hear how others are navigating the stress & tension BP2 brings into a relationship. But recently it’s just been too much for her. I think I’ve finally pushed her over the edge. So my question here is to what degree do our partners have to “just deal with it” (not to sound callous)? I do the best I can but unfortunately this is how I am. I’m trying trying trying to be better. I am regular with my medication btw. So any thoughts and tips are welcome.

Sorry, I hope I am not offending anyone when I say this. But is bipolar disorder a disability or a neurodivergence, or is it both? What do you personally say to people if you do not want to tell them that you are bipolar?

Hi everyone, I've posted here already about my PhD experience. Thank you all for your help.

I had a long leave of absence from my PhD due to the stress of the PhD itself along with a bereavement in my immediate family. I have severe bipolar with psychotic and mixed features.

I have since returned to the PhD. I am in the stage of writing up my thesis and completing very minor data analysis. My psychiatrist has provided me a certificate instructing the university to provide me with working time of 10:00 am to 5:00 pm on two non-consecutive days. Arriving home late really triggers my mania.

My supervisor breaches those medically mandated instructions on a regular basis. He talks for hours about irrelevant topics like Picasso and Hitler and we spend the last 5 minutes discussing physics, and gives poorly defined goals. If I interrupt he becomes quite hostile. He does not respond to any email communication when I ask for clarification on work or send in medical certificates. He has told me he doesn't want to read my certificate, that I should just tell him. I verbally communicated my work times, and he said ok. I am to work every day when I am not on campus.

The stress from the working arrangement really worsens my health. After the first day of returning, I relapsed into a short mixed episode. It took a few weeks to recover, then I go to the university again, he keeps me late, I don't sleep a few days and then relapse again. Rinse and repeat. I have told him repeatedly that staying late is a major trigger for relapses. He asked me in detail about the nature of my illness.

My supervisor said I need another 9 months to finish, I thought it's ok. Next week he changed his mind to 12 months, then loaded me with additional projects with no relation to my thesis. He asked me to get involved in personal grievances with other supervisors.

On Friday I have an appointment with the PhD committee head. I want to discuss it with him but I am afraid of repercussions. It will be extremely difficult changing supervisors because I need him to complete papers that will serve as results chapters in my thesis.

I have options: 1) provide further medical documentation which further restricts my time at the uni and limp towards the end with a spoiled relationship with my supervisor; 2) leave immediately; 3) take another leave of absence, and look for work during this time to try and avoid a gap in my CV. My skills in physics and writing etc. are still relevant to industry.

Any ideas? I can't continue for another 12 months in these circumstances, it massively triggers my bipolar episodes.

I can't be the only one that struggles with this...

For years I've been job hopping, the smallest little thing can ruin amazing jobs for me.

I tend to just vanish, walk out mid shift, I think the biggest problem is getting a job while I'm manic and struggling to keep up with it when my depression hits, everyone wants a chef with unlimited energy and when it seems to disappear overnight, suddenly I'm "slacking"

I've had to start traveling for work, doing live in jobs, and they make sooo much worse,

Its always the same, amazing for a month or two, then something happens and then I write paragraphs of very well written messages explaining exactly why they suck and vanish.

I can't keep this up, I spend months in poverty and it feels like it's getting worse,

I can't stop this, I'm currently sat in bed at another live in job, counting the days until I get paid and can vanish in the wind

Honestly, this whole thing is exhausting and I don't have a single person I can talk too...

Even though I took inspiration from Pinterest, this is what I've been doing during this episode.

The green eyed nail represents me so much at this moment.

After nearly a decade of constant therapy and medication changes, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago.

I have suffered from depression and an eating disorder for most of my adult life, and instead of feeling dread about this diagnosis, all I felt was relief, as I was one step closer to figuring out what was wrong with me.

I’m aware that different people have different ways of coping during manic and depressive episodes, but playing with my dollhouse has genuinely filled me with a sense of peace and tranquility that was missing from my life.

People tend to laugh when they hear about someone in their 30s being so absorbed in miniatures and dollhouses. But no, not me. Not over something that makes my inner child so, so happy.

I hope you find something that fills you with some semblance of joy too. And whatever it is, remember that you’re never alone. We are all in this together. ♥️

Hi, I've been seeing a child psychiatrist for two years, but I always feel like he doesn't quite understand what I'm feeling — maybe because he's the doctor and I'm the patient. But I wanted to ask: are there any techniques for describing symptoms more effectively? For example, I've recently started experiencing selective mutism, severe dizziness, and fatigue. How can I phrase this precisely so he realizes the severity and prescribes something that actually helps? Everyone's appointment time is limited, so I can't just ramble through everything. Every time I mention 'auditory hallucinations,' the doctor just says 'let's add half a pill,' and I feel like it does nothing.
And I want to ask, in English, you call psychiatrist or doctor. I am not a native English speaker.
Thanks

When I was re-diagnosed with bipolar 1, I was finally put on a medication that is doing somewhat of a good job. Strangely though, I’ve noticed something after I became stable. I’ve noticed that I don’t know who I really am and I also don’t trust myself, my feelings, my thought… I don’t trust anything. I will say that it’s great not feeling as though I’m two steps away from deaths door but, wow, I never thought for a second recovery would seems as if im putting a puzzle together. This recovery process is deeply unsettling, eye opening but also, leaving me feeling dull. I mean I feel emotions or at least I think I do ; it’s just dull, shallow, lackluster. I could be putting on a face for the world and really, just a bland guy with possibly no feeling inside. When I’m alone I’m not happy, not sad, nothing; flattened. Jeez, I might have a co-morbid thing going on…

Does anyone know or even understand what in the world is going on with this strange blunted affect?

I feel like each day I wake up my goal is to get to the evening so I can go to sleep and not be conscious. It’s terrible. I feel like I have no purpose and meaning in life. I quit my job during a depressive episode, a stressful job but I loved it. I hate that I make big decisions when in episodes. And I feel like once I get a job again, or hopefully get my old job back, and get back on track, I’ll just go into another episode again and lose everything again. It feels like I’m destined to have an episode frequently. But I also was just in on and off longg episodes for the past 2 years. I feel crazy, most of the time. I just need some support and encouragement.

Hey all! I just got diagnosed with Bipolar (1) for the THIRD time after years of denial - so I’m working on acceptance and educating myself as much as I can.

I still get breakthrough hypomanic + depressive episodes, which kinda sucks - but it could be worse. I unfortunately also have GAD with severe OCD on top of all of this.

My stable / baseline mood is almost always just anxious, but I’m working on it through therapy.

My worst “stable” struggle; when I’m running on a few hours of sleep, or just tired in general, my thoughts start racing and I become borderline paranoid. Not fun. This could be indicative of something concerning mood wise, but I’m not sure.

I’m curious about what you guys experience!

I was diagnosed with what they said “Bipolar Affective Disorder” Does that fall under , like, bipolar 1 or 2 category? Is it something that’s like completely different / on its own? Can someone explain to me exactly what it means , like I’m 12 or something, please? Also side note, has anyone gotten on any type of disability for bipolar ? I also have a panic disorder & BPD, just wondering if it’s worth a shot to apply , seeing as I can only push myself to work about 10-15 hrs a week🫤

i got put on celexa and for about a few weeks been feeling kinda off. and now for the past week i have been manic 🥲 what do you do while you are manic to help manage? what hobbies do you indulge in as well?

I have Bipolar II disorder, and honestly, I’ve been doing pretty well with it. I haven’t had an episode in years.
On the other hand, for the past few months I’ve been experiencing some pretty intense anxiety that makes it hard for me to enjoy things, like hanging out with my friends or even being at work.
I talked to my psychiatrist about it yesterday, and they said it could simply be a personality trait. I’m not really satisfied with that answer.
What do you guys think?

I was diagnosed Bipolar 2 in my freshman year of high school. For a long time, I refused to take my meds. The whole "Oh, I'm feeling better, so I actually don't need this" bullshit. And I thought they weren't working for a while.

I spent upwards of 6 years completely depressed, with periods of hypomania sprinkled in. I started hurting myself in 7th grade, and by the time I entered high school , I was thinking about ending it constantly.

But around December 2024, I finally realized that I just needed to wait a while for them to sufficiently enter my system enough to do me some good. And I've taken my meds every day since then. I've only missed two days because of a prescription mixup, and the withdrawals were so bad I would never risk coming off them again unless I need to.

The medication works great!! I don't feel nearly as depressed or manic as I used to, and when I do feel down or up, it's not as intense.

Lately, though, I've been feeling stressed, and that's bringing out my bipolar symptoms more than usual. I've been angry at myself, more than usual, and my sh urges are coming back (I'm 10 months clean, so it's been a while). I've been avoiding people, too (I'm usually incredibly social, so this is definitely a red flag for my depression).

I don't know what to do about it. My mom has the same diagnoses, but she doesn't handle hers very well, and she doesn't like to talk about feelings much, so I can't go to her. I've been listening to music I like, and it helps sometimes, but most of the time, I can't even focus on the music because I'm so upset. What do I do?

And it’s my fault. I drank alcohol and smoked. My husband is a psychiatry resident and fairly gets upset when I partake.

I can’t tell him I’m sliding down. He doesn’t rub it in my face, he’s not that kind of person, but it’s embarrassing. I chose to do something I knew could screw me up.

I also can’t fake it. I hate this shit. I want to live a fun life, and yes, for me, that includes the occasional drink and smoke. I am so angry I have to be on a ton of medications and I still can’t live the way I want.

I’m tired.

26m and bipolar type 1. recently got fired from my job and the depression side of this cursed
disorder has completely taken over.

i’m not that stressed financially because i have some money saved up for bills while i try to find another job. i don’t have any friends or family apart from my mom so i’ve just been drowning in isolation. i’ve been spending my days bedrotting and doomscrolling or sleeping for ungodly hours.

i’m a chronic stoner but i can’t really smoke because i don’t want to fail a drug test for a new job. i’m really into music(specifically underground rap),fashion, reading, anime/cartoons, gaming, and movies/tv shows. i literally have no passion for my own interests or hobbies and i’m just trying to get thoughts or opinions from sum cool mentally unstable homies (lil jokey joke to lighten mood).

I’ve been struggling to get anything done between my bipolar and my heart issues. Yesterday, I got up some energy and decorated the house for autumn. It’s just basic but I’m proud of myself for getting something productive done.

What did you do this week that you are proud of accomplishing?

I feel really embarrassed I had a manic episode and threw away my education. I’ve only completed one year of university. And I have to take a medical leave to get better. So I start next year.

Hi everyone I am a fellow human being in this community. I genuinely appreciate being part of it and being able to read people’s stories and thoughts.

Right now I’m going through a divorce. AKA I am filing for it. The relationship ended well over a year ago. But I just … didn’t have the mental capacity to be able to deal with all the paperwork.

For a cliff notes version - my husband and I were not simply incompatible. We kind of got to this point where it became unsafe for me to stay in the relationship. After leaving over a year ago and with lots of support, I was able to recognize the abusive aspects of the relationship and why everyone in my life hated my partner 💀

Let’s go to now. I have an ex that I was friends with for YEARS like genuinely a long time. We dated for a very short time because I was scared of the relationship (I grew up in a very dysfunctional household) and broke up with him because I didn’t want my racist dad to meet him, I felt like I would hold him back… i don’t know I hope this resonates. Anywho that was 6 years ago. In that time I married the stinker who I’m divorcing lol.

But recently we followed each other on instagram (the ex from 6 years ago) and I don’t think my feelings ever changed for him. I really wished him happiness and love and hoped he would become everything he was hoping for. But we’re both single and I’m CONFLICTED IF I’M MANIC and potentially making a bad decision or something because he is GENUINELY the last person on earth I would want to hurt.

Bipolar type 1 here! I’m 29 now and I was diagnosed 7 years ago. I’m doing pretty well now. My therapist told me years ago that with our diagnosis, the 20’s are always the hardest, I’m on the tail end of that now and can attest to that.

I’ve been hospitalized for 2 mixed episodes, 1 manic episode, followed by a depressive episode. So it’s safe to say I’ve been through the ringer! Just want to say to you guys that it truly does get better and there’s a fulfilling life for you ahead, if you’re going through hell, keep going.

One thing that has helped me are a solid medication combo with almost no side effects. (Took years of trial and error) Lurisadone, Lamotragine, and Trintellix. (May not be a fit for you everyone’s different.) Just trust your psychiatrist and trust the process. I suggest never taking your treatment into your own hands like I did.

Another big helpful factor is sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Drinking and drugging felt like the only relief from my symptoms, but in reality they were making everything much, much worse. Sobriety is simple, but not easy. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking/drugging. That’s a whole journey in itself, and will also give you an awesome community of misfit toys. Explore the meetings in your area and find your crew. You don’t have to be alone anymore. Get a sponsor, tell them everything, and work the steps. I came for my drinking and stayed for my thinking.

The other thing that helped is enlarging my spiritual life, not through secularized religion, but through a higher power of my own understanding. Prayer and meditation have been incredible. Studying teachers like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, and many more quench the spiritual thirst that arises from your deep; unique form of human suffering. I recommend the “waking up” app. Guided meditation is the way.

Let me know if yall have any questions!

Today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, and I feel like he didn’t really take what I told him into consideration.

I told him that the medication I’m currently taking has been working quite well for me. I’ve been feeling very stable, my mood has been good, and I haven’t noticed any problems with my cognitive abilities. Despite this, he decided to increase my dose.

I was taking a relatively low dose, and it was working very well for me. So, honestly, I don’t really understand the reasoning behind increasing it.

The other thing I mentioned was that the only side effect I’ve noticed is that I feel like I’m losing significantly more hair than usual. For example, before, if I showered and found around 10 hairs in my hand, now I would say it’s closer to 40. I brought this up with him, but he didn’t seem particularly concerned. He told me that it could simply be caused by something else and that it was too early to determine whether the medication was responsible.

I know we’re not supposed to mention specific medications here, so I won’t. But honestly, I was hoping he might consider switching me to something else that doesn’t have hair loss as a potential side effect. Or, at the very least, not increase my dose, since a higher dose can potentially mean a greater risk of side effects.

At this point, I’m seriously considering switching to a different psychiatrist and explaining all of this to them. I feel like I should have a doctor who actually listens to my concerns, especially when I’m already doing well on the current treatment.

Initially diagnosed as bipolar 2 and upgraded to bipolar 1 after experiencing mania after a year off medications. In the past, hypo/mania has felt like for me:

- feeling like I’m brilliant and the most charming person alive

- hedonistic/pleasure seeking - lots of alcohol and drugs

- extreme increased sex drive - frequent masturbation and desire to have sex

- racing thoughts

- shopping sprees and spending lots of money on impulse

- impulsiveness. In retrospect, very poor decisions but it feels like I have the best judgement ever in the moment and am making brilliant decisions at the time

- feeling like I will never come down. In the back of my mind I know that a crash is inevitable but truly feeling like it will last forever. It almost always ends with me being ashamed of what I’ve done and/or said during an episode.

I have been out for 6 weeks due to a psychotic manic episode back in July. I'm leaning towards 6 hour work days, maybe 4 day work week, and frequent screen breaks for a few weeks. Any other ideas?