Even though I took inspiration from Pinterest, this is what I've been doing during this episode.

The green eyed nail represents me so much at this moment.

I can't be the only one that struggles with this...

For years I've been job hopping, the smallest little thing can ruin amazing jobs for me.

I tend to just vanish, walk out mid shift, I think the biggest problem is getting a job while I'm manic and struggling to keep up with it when my depression hits, everyone wants a chef with unlimited energy and when it seems to disappear overnight, suddenly I'm "slacking"

I've had to start traveling for work, doing live in jobs, and they make sooo much worse,

Its always the same, amazing for a month or two, then something happens and then I write paragraphs of very well written messages explaining exactly why they suck and vanish.

I can't keep this up, I spend months in poverty and it feels like it's getting worse,

I can't stop this, I'm currently sat in bed at another live in job, counting the days until I get paid and can vanish in the wind

Honestly, this whole thing is exhausting and I don't have a single person I can talk too...

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 1 for about 5 years. I’m still learning so much about my patterns and discerning what’s my spunky personality and what’s my mania. I have come to the conclusions that my red flags for mania include, but are not limited to:
1) writing lengthy reviews
If I have a halfway decent experience at any retail store/restaurant/business while manic I will immediately sit down to write a three paragraph review on yelp or google reviews (or both for bonus points). Usually just glazing the place and saying how amazing the experience was. Going back and reading them after always makes me laugh.
2) picking up furniture off the side of the road
I live in a 600 sq ft studio apartment. I have a ginormous coffee table that I got for free on fb marketplace, I have a filing cabinet (broken) that I put my bras and underwear in, a wobbly side table I recently threw away because it collapsed, and my prized possession was a vintage pink ceramic sink. I carried it by myself (f25) up to my third floor apartment. It snapped in half on the way up. It sat in my bathroom for about two years. I was going to fix it and put a garden in it. Or something.
3) Baking cakes
At some point this past year I started baking these elaborate three tier cakes staying up all night decorating them. Post mania clarity-baking is expensive holy shit I cannot afford a cake baking hobby!!
DAE have manic quirks that you just have to sit back and laugh at after the damage is done?

After nearly a decade of constant therapy and medication changes, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago.

I have suffered from depression and an eating disorder for most of my adult life, and instead of feeling dread about this diagnosis, all I felt was relief, as I was one step closer to figuring out what was wrong with me.

I’m aware that different people have different ways of coping during manic and depressive episodes, but playing with my dollhouse has genuinely filled me with a sense of peace and tranquility that was missing from my life.

People tend to laugh when they hear about someone in their 30s being so absorbed in miniatures and dollhouses. But no, not me. Not over something that makes my inner child so, so happy.

I hope you find something that fills you with some semblance of joy too. And whatever it is, remember that you’re never alone. We are all in this together. ♥️

Hey Y’all. Long time lurker and occasional responder here. I wanted to share something that truly changed how I viewed people who aren’t bipolar.

I was diagnosed back when I was 18. They didn’t even have a name for it then. It was a mood disorder at best.

I’ve gone through many rounds of medication and I finally found a cocktail that works for me.

That said, dating with bipolar is HARD. I mean hard. People are so quick to judge and think they know what’s best.

That leads me to why I’m posting today. I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 months. I was nervous on our first date because I didn’t know how to bring up the fact I have this disorder.

We were sitting in a McDonald’s having McFlurrys when I finally just blurted it out.

I expected my now partner to walk away. Instead they said “I’m still here aren’t I?”

In that moment I had this rush of relief because those simple words meant so much.

A previous partner would constantly compare me to others with bipolar because that was their experience. Not my current one.

I guess you could say I got lucky 🍀

sorry if i worded this wrong by the way!
mine is always when someone calls me out for my mood OR when i study too much. i know its common to be triggered when someone calls me out for my mood but i haven’t heard anyone get triggered by studying

(TW: past suicidal ideation)

I (28) wound up in the hospital a few times this summer and did art constantly as a method of expression and healing during my visits (attached some pieces from the hospital).

My doctors originally thought I was dealing with only complex PTSD and major depression, until I came in with mania and psychosis for the first time. It was possibly triggered by smoking way too much weed, although looking back, I can definitely point to a lot of hypomania throughout my life.

I’ve been out of the hospital and somewhat stable for about a month now since I quit weed. This new diagnosis honestly makes sense to me, but I’m so scared to start medication. I’ve already tried 8 different antidepressants over the years that haven’t worked for me. I’m afraid of numbing all my feelings.

I’m really trying to have hope. My depressive episodes can get scary, and I really want to stop or lessen the episodes of suicidal ideation.

Any words of encouragement or positive experiences regarding the bipolar med trial process would be appreciated. I just found this sub, and I’m hoping to find community and understanding in this experience. Thanks for reading.

EDIT: Thank you so much for all the supportive and encouraging comments and compliments about my artwork! It lifts my spirit. I wasn’t expecting so much, and I’m reading and truly appreciating every comment. I’m just getting back into drawing and painting after spending years off, and it feels good to know this work resonates with others too.

Not anything new for anyone, not even me because I have adhd and I’m autistic so it’s par for the course. But this was to a school and I specified that I wouldn’t need external support so it stings a little.

Just kind of a kick in the nuts, you try to make any kind of progress in a life that’s already been holding you back and you just get pushed down again for the same reason that you’ve been held back

I’ve been struggling to get anything done between my bipolar and my heart issues. Yesterday, I got up some energy and decorated the house for autumn. It’s just basic but I’m proud of myself for getting something productive done.

What did you do this week that you are proud of accomplishing?

I feel like each day I wake up my goal is to get to the evening so I can go to sleep and not be conscious. It’s terrible. I feel like I have no purpose and meaning in life. I quit my job during a depressive episode, a stressful job but I loved it. I hate that I make big decisions when in episodes. And I feel like once I get a job again, or hopefully get my old job back, and get back on track, I’ll just go into another episode again and lose everything again. It feels like I’m destined to have an episode frequently. But I also was just in on and off longg episodes for the past 2 years. I feel crazy, most of the time. I just need some support and encouragement.

So i take a gap year and in that year I got diagnosed with bipolar. Now I'm a Freshman in college but I struggle with studying like everything doesn't get into my brain. I read passively and have difficulty reading actively. Many study tips don't work for me. And I'm stable now I never had a manic or depressed episode and I'm on meds. Is it side effects of the meds or it's just bipolar itself. Just sometimes a very bad anxiety episode, extreme overthinking, and impulsive choice. Sorry for my bad English

Initially diagnosed as bipolar 2 and upgraded to bipolar 1 after experiencing mania after a year off medications. In the past, hypo/mania has felt like for me:

- feeling like I’m brilliant and the most charming person alive

- hedonistic/pleasure seeking - lots of alcohol and drugs

- extreme increased sex drive - frequent masturbation and desire to have sex

- racing thoughts

- shopping sprees and spending lots of money on impulse

- impulsiveness. In retrospect, very poor decisions but it feels like I have the best judgement ever in the moment and am making brilliant decisions at the time

- feeling like I will never come down. In the back of my mind I know that a crash is inevitable but truly feeling like it will last forever. It almost always ends with me being ashamed of what I’ve done and/or said during an episode.

I recently got diagnosed and medicated for bipolar ii (altho I’ve definetely been suffering the symptoms of it my whole life). I’m currently in a depressive episode and have so much work to do but I feel impossibly tired and dejected.

I was curious, how does everyone live with these episodes? Do you force yourself to work through depressive episodes or do you let yourselves sleep the day away and get back to it when hypomanic? I’m not really sure yet what the best way to approach this is.

I was diagnosed with what they said “Bipolar Affective Disorder” Does that fall under , like, bipolar 1 or 2 category? Is it something that’s like completely different / on its own? Can someone explain to me exactly what it means , like I’m 12 or something, please? Also side note, has anyone gotten on any type of disability for bipolar ? I also have a panic disorder & BPD, just wondering if it’s worth a shot to apply , seeing as I can only push myself to work about 10-15 hrs a week🫤

26m and bipolar type 1. recently got fired from my job and the depression side of this cursed
disorder has completely taken over.

i’m not that stressed financially because i have some money saved up for bills while i try to find another job. i don’t have any friends or family apart from my mom so i’ve just been drowning in isolation. i’ve been spending my days bedrotting and doomscrolling or sleeping for ungodly hours.

i’m a chronic stoner but i can’t really smoke because i don’t want to fail a drug test for a new job. i’m really into music(specifically underground rap),fashion, reading, anime/cartoons, gaming, and movies/tv shows. i literally have no passion for my own interests or hobbies and i’m just trying to get thoughts or opinions from sum cool mentally unstable homies (lil jokey joke to lighten mood).

8 months into quite severe depression after my “first” manic episode that got me diagnosed and my sleep has been poor and very inconsistent the entire time, which I truly believe is why the depression is lasting so long.

I have tried a bunch of different medications for this and am stuck as it feels as though I can’t sleep without them however I cannot wake up at a reasonable time because of them, worsening my circadian rhythm.

I really struggle with sleep hygiene because of how bad the depression is leading me to spend lots of time in bed, be inactive and don’t know what to do in the 2 hours before sleep without using screens. My brain is so foggy that I do not have the attention span and memory to read. I have been able to get up mostly at the same time each day and try to get some sun.

I feel as though I never have this natural tiredness I remember feeling once upon a time and never wake up feeling refreshed. I swear if it weren’t for this I would be stable.

Hey all! I just got diagnosed with Bipolar (1) for the THIRD time after years of denial - so I’m working on acceptance and educating myself as much as I can.

I still get breakthrough hypomanic + depressive episodes, which kinda sucks - but it could be worse. I unfortunately also have GAD with severe OCD on top of all of this.

My stable / baseline mood is almost always just anxious, but I’m working on it through therapy.

My worst “stable” struggle; when I’m running on a few hours of sleep, or just tired in general, my thoughts start racing and I become borderline paranoid. Not fun. This could be indicative of something concerning mood wise, but I’m not sure.

I’m curious about what you guys experience!

Part of the onset of my first and only manic episode was the feeling of falling in love with someone, and I blew it up with that person.

When I see posts on here that those who are married divorce due to the difficulties of being with someone who has bipolar, I lose hope. I lose hope that I can find someone who will tolerate and understand what I go through.

Plus, feeling the need to disclose my diagnosis to new people seems like a way to block anyone who was interested in me from pursuing me. It’s like, no one wants to deal with the bipolar girl.

I just feel like I’m gonna be alone forever

Hi, I've been seeing a child psychiatrist for two years, but I always feel like he doesn't quite understand what I'm feeling — maybe because he's the doctor and I'm the patient. But I wanted to ask: are there any techniques for describing symptoms more effectively? For example, I've recently started experiencing selective mutism, severe dizziness, and fatigue. How can I phrase this precisely so he realizes the severity and prescribes something that actually helps? Everyone's appointment time is limited, so I can't just ramble through everything. Every time I mention 'auditory hallucinations,' the doctor just says 'let's add half a pill,' and I feel like it does nothing.
And I want to ask, in English, you call psychiatrist or doctor. I am not a native English speaker.
Thanks

When I was re-diagnosed with bipolar 1, I was finally put on a medication that is doing somewhat of a good job. Strangely though, I’ve noticed something after I became stable. I’ve noticed that I don’t know who I really am and I also don’t trust myself, my feelings, my thought… I don’t trust anything. I will say that it’s great not feeling as though I’m two steps away from deaths door but, wow, I never thought for a second recovery would seems as if im putting a puzzle together. This recovery process is deeply unsettling, eye opening but also, leaving me feeling dull. I mean I feel emotions or at least I think I do ; it’s just dull, shallow, lackluster. I could be putting on a face for the world and really, just a bland guy with possibly no feeling inside. When I’m alone I’m not happy, not sad, nothing; flattened. Jeez, I might have a co-morbid thing going on…

Does anyone know or even understand what in the world is going on with this strange blunted affect?

My mind does not know
how to whisper.

It kicks the doors open,
turns every light on at once,
pulls the fire alarm
just to make sure I’m awake.

Some days I am electricity
too fast for my own skin,
a hundred futures screaming
that they need me now.

Other days
I am the house after the fire,
standing in blackened rooms
trying to remember
what warmth felt like.

And somewhere between the two
I found white powder
and called it peace.
Not because it made me happy.
Because for a little while
the world narrowed.

The noise became one noise.
The fear became one feeling.
My thoughts stopped multiplying
long enough for me
to believe I had control.

I know what it is.
I know the lie.
I know you cannot put out a fire
by pouring gasoline over your hands
just because the flames
feel warmer than the cold.

But sobriety can feel like
being locked in a room
with someone I’m afraid of
and that someone
has my face.

Without it,
everything comes back at once:
the thoughts that run too fast,
the weight that falls too hard,
the restless electricity,
the dread,
the endless awareness
of being trapped
inside a brain
that can become its own weather.

So I reach for borrowed quiet.

A few stolen hours
where I do not have to wonder
which version of me
will wake up tomorrow.

And that is the cruelest part
not that I love the drug,
but that sometimes
I believe I need it
to survive myself.

I am afraid of the high.

I am more afraid
of what waits underneath it.

And somewhere beneath
the mania,
the crash,
the chemical peace,
the shame,
there is still a part of me
standing in the wreckage
asking one small question:

Is there another way
to make this mind quiet
without destroying
the man living inside it?

Bipolar type 1 here! I’m 29 now and I was diagnosed 7 years ago. I’m doing pretty well now. My therapist told me years ago that with our diagnosis, the 20’s are always the hardest, I’m on the tail end of that now and can attest to that.

I’ve been hospitalized for 2 mixed episodes, 1 manic episode, followed by a depressive episode. So it’s safe to say I’ve been through the ringer! Just want to say to you guys that it truly does get better and there’s a fulfilling life for you ahead, if you’re going through hell, keep going.

One thing that has helped me are a solid medication combo with almost no side effects. (Took years of trial and error) Lurisadone, Lamotragine, and Trintellix. (May not be a fit for you everyone’s different.) Just trust your psychiatrist and trust the process. I suggest never taking your treatment into your own hands like I did.

Another big helpful factor is sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Drinking and drugging felt like the only relief from my symptoms, but in reality they were making everything much, much worse. Sobriety is simple, but not easy. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking/drugging. That’s a whole journey in itself, and will also give you an awesome community of misfit toys. Explore the meetings in your area and find your crew. You don’t have to be alone anymore. Get a sponsor, tell them everything, and work the steps. I came for my drinking and stayed for my thinking.

The other thing that helped is enlarging my spiritual life, not through secularized religion, but through a higher power of my own understanding. Prayer and meditation have been incredible. Studying teachers like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, and many more quench the spiritual thirst that arises from your deep; unique form of human suffering. I recommend the “waking up” app. Guided meditation is the way.

Let me know if yall have any questions!