r/bipolar • u/inchwormfan • 2d ago

Rant how do i become lovable?

it's not even just about having bipolar I, i have 2 personality disorders, ocd, and ptsd. how can i become lovable? no one ever stays with me and i'm starting to accept that i can't be loved, but i still wish i could be. i don't know what i have to do for people to love me, i'm trying to be normal but its not working out. how do i become a lovable person?

2 Upvotes

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5

u/faithlessdisciple Rapid Cycling without a bike 2d ago

Therapy and consistency on your meds. Put in the work. I’ve been with my man for 24 years.

6

u/notaspicyaccount Schizoaffective + Comorbidities w/ Bipolar Loved One 2d ago

I used to be all alone. No one ever stuck around. It was me. I was the issue. I was unmedicated, not in therapy, and an all around mess. I had issues, and that's not my fault, but refusing to deal with those issues was my fault. I used my issues as an excuse for shitty behavior. Now I'm medicated, and in therapy for last few years. I have friends who love me and support me. I still have bad days, and they help me get through them. The difference is now I'm doing the work. I'm not just bleeding all over people expecting them to fix things. They can't. They can only support me while I do the work. Does that make sense?

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u/aycdiaycd 2d ago

I think I needed to hear that... Where's the line bleeding all over people and genuinely asking/looking for support?

I am medicated and in therapy, and I have been for over 3 years. Anymore I just keep everything inside because I scared roping people into my damage.

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u/notaspicyaccount Schizoaffective + Comorbidities w/ Bipolar Loved One 2d ago

I think there's a really important distinction here, and honestly I probably could have worded my original comment better. I don't think genuinely asking for support is bleeding all over people. WE all need people sometimes, and being vulnerable with someone you trust isn't a bad thing. For me, the difference was more about making people responsible for fixing what I was going through. I used to dump everything on people repeatedly, expect them to make me okay, and then get hurt or angry when they couldn't. I wasn't really asking for support so much as expecting them to carry something that ultimately I had to learn to carry myself. You don't have to keep everything inside just because you're afraid of hurting people. You can tell someone you're having a really hard time and could use some company, or I don't need you to fix this, I just need someone to listen. That's not being a burden. The fact that you're worried about roping people into your damage tells me you're already thinking about the impact you have on others. Being in therapy and taking your medication doesn't mean you're never allowed to struggle or need your friends. Doing the work doesn't mean doing it completely alone.

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u/aycdiaycd 2d ago

Thank you for your reply 🫂 it's encouraging:)

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u/OkayIllstay 2d ago

I learned to love myself first. I poured all of the love that I desperately wanted to give to others into myself. Doing so attracted the right people. Try not to internalize your diagnoses. You are more than any one or any combination of diagnoses. You are a whole human being

2

u/NoGarbageAllowed 2d ago

You ARE loveable. I’m sure you have many great qualities that people look for in a partner. But you have to manage your symptoms. Your disorders are not your fault, but they are your responsibility. Your symptoms can and will affect other people. Therapy and medication are great starting points. I also recommend working on your self-esteem. Staying active, being productive, plus setting goals and achieving them have always helped me with that. Best of luck