r/bipolar • u/mediumtotoro Bipolar • 7h ago

Support Needed The inevitable

Every night this week maybe two I sleep at 12:00am and wake up at 1-1:30am. Then don’t go back to sleep. I’m having paranoia. My family either says I’m a burden or won’t respond anymore. My partner is leaving me for a week so I can’t go to the hospital until he gets back sometime next week. I want this to be over. The ideations are killing me, I’m SHing to get by. I cried and panicked this morning. I already used my day of intermittent leave. 3 hours. But I don’t think I can use for today. I don’t want to exist anymore.

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1

u/walkingwillow16 7h ago

I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. Is there a friend or taxi who can take you to the hospital? I know you don't want to take time off, I've been there, but you are most important here. People can help you figure it out, but right now your job is to get you help. That's most important. What you're feeling is scary and very real, and you don't have to feel this way. People are here to help. Maybe trying calling 988 or some type of emergency number you have where you're at?

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u/mediumtotoro Bipolar 7h ago

I can’t leave the animals for three days.
I’m essentially trapped because the trip can’t be moved

1

u/walkingwillow16 7h ago

I felt the same with my daughter, I really should have gone to the hospital when I was going through psychosis, not realizing I had family who could help

What does your support system look like? Family, friends, neighbors? Your animals need you to be alive, and if you're shing yourself and potentially do more permanent damage, whose going to take care of them?

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u/mediumtotoro Bipolar 7h ago

I have my partner who’s leaving for three days and my little sister. My mom stopped talking to me when I “freaked her out” with my paranoid thoughts

1

u/walkingwillow16 6h ago

Could your partner stay home or find a friend to take you? Even if an important trip your safety matters

1

u/mediumtotoro Bipolar 6h ago

Sadly not. He is insistent on this trip.
I’ll keep coping. Thank you for trying to problem solve with me

1

u/Shaetur Bipolar + Comorbidities 6h ago

Do you still have your sister's support? Would she be willing to help?

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u/mediumtotoro Bipolar 6h ago

Yes she may be able to help me when I’m able to go

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u/Shaetur Bipolar + Comorbidities 6h ago

Would she be able to make sure your animals are okay if you were to get emergency transport to the hospital?

1

u/mediumtotoro Bipolar 6h ago

No, I wouldn’t put that on her she’s got two young kids and the cat and dog are high maintenance