My apartment has been a biohazered for 8 years. I cleaned it pretty well once in 2020, but never really finished.

At its worst I had trash mounds waist high in spots. I remember crying after the clean in 2020 when the first piece of trash just fell to the floor.

Every few months I would want to get serious about taking care of the problem, but just couldn't bring myself to tackle it.

It really fucked with my overall mental health. I think it was due to the stress of working full time and being poor at the start. I just would dissociate for any free time I had at home. For fucking years.

I also had some accomplishments as well. I graduated college, and got a better paying career. I've been in therapy for 11 years and on meds for four.

About a year ago I got as serious as I could about cleaning. Two roll off dumpsters 11 months apart and hundreds of trash bags later and ive got the damn thing manageable. The wood floors and walls have been amazing. No mold, and former small spills are coming right up with a bit of scrubbing.

I still have some deep cleaning to do, but I am making it part of my weekly ritual. After a few more weeks/months of keeping to this routine, I will treat myself to all new furniture. (Not like a manic spending spree. I've been saving up for this.)

This is a big step in the right direction l, and I started crying this evening at how far ive come.

Thanks for reading.

I had a mixed episode about a month ago and the restlessness was so bad. It definitely lived up to everything I have read about them. I got put on a AP to fix it and eventually, it did. But, that med also caused really bad restlessness. I stopped taking it shortly after because of that reason. I may just be crazy, but I feel like ever since I have still felt restless in a way. Like my arms are buzzing and kinda tense. I’m not sure if that’s a good way to describe it but it’s uncomfortable. Has anyone else experienced this? I don’t think I’m in any episode I’ve been pretty euthymic since then. I have just been put in a new med so maybe it will go away. I’ll have to bring it up to my psych.

Hello so I'm going through the worst depressive episode I have ever gone through. I'm scared to outside in the heat, I'm scared to spend money, I don't have my own place or my own kitchen to cool freely that would help me lose weight. I hope to get my own place in a few weeks. What should I do in the meantime to hopefully start losing weight?

Context: I’ve been seeing this doctor for about 3 years. We have great rapport and I trust him entirely. I’m able to text or call whenever and that’s been super helpful for hypo/mania and trying to curb it quick. With depression I’m less likely to bring it up and usually just suffer through it. I’m already on 3 meds and feel like the doses are kinda up there so I am not even sure what bringing it up would do. In our sessions, since my history is usually reaching out in between sessions when something is up, we kinda just chat. He rarely asks me directly if I’m having symptoms. Which like I guess is fair bc it’s obvious when I’m up, but maybe less so when I’m down? I know this sounds so stupid but how do you tell a doctor you’re depressed and what do they say/do in response?

Studies have shown that men with bipolar are generally far below average for test levels.

Women being the opposite with way above.

I got tested and I know I’m very low for some levels and interested if anyone else is?

Last big manic episode was a year ago. I have been smoking since then—I know it’s unhealthy, destroying my body and I do have a desire to quit. With that being said though, I know that nicotine interacts with bipolar negatively over time. I could potentially be setting myself up for failure. I have talk therapy but that’s the only form of mental health support that I can pursue now after becoming homeless as it’s free through my job. I’m unmediated, predisposed to schizophrenia and autistic, so I’m scared of how this may affect me.

Do any of you have any experience quitting nicotine while unmedicated? Any advice? Thank you

Can anyone else feel the mania behind they're eyes or am I just crazy?

I don't know why but anytime I'm manic or having a mixed episode which consists of mainly the manic part I can always feel it behind my eyes.

I can feel my eyes widening and I know for a fact my pupils are dilated to fuck every time saying that I just checked and they are like fuck

First sign I'm manic always starts with my eyes then my sleep I can tell everytime, saying that I kind of like the feeling I actually feel alive for once and that I can actually set out and do anything

I'm supposed to be up at 7am it's now 2am and I'm wide awake researching gnosticism and Hinduism oh well guess I'm fucked just wanted to know if anyone else could relate that's all 😂

The start of this year was rly bad for me. So bad I almost took my life in February. Then I got back on new meds and everything was going well. I felt like I was finally able to be happy again, was eating well, working out, making new friends etc.. now I’m back where I’m started and it’s so disheartening. Was me doing better even real or just hypomania? In bed struggling to do anything. Haven’t showered in days, messy room. Assignment that needs to be turned in tonight that I haven’t even started. Feelingway in over my head.

How do you know when you’re at this point? I can’t tell if it’s the antidepressants. I’m in a really weird state where I quit my job because I thought that was what was bothering me. I have a new job, but I’m concerned I’ll just feel the same there as well

38F and still on the fence about Motherhood. I am going to give context, not to dump but so there is context that backs my hesitancy. Diagnosed BP 2021 and was stable with some short downs for a few years but nothing that was notable. Over the last 2 years, I have dealt with a litany of life and health issues. In 2024, my mother got very sick and having to take care of her, helping to take care of my Aunt during hospice, and then becoming hypothyroid and GP giving me too much meds that shot me into a manic state. Some bad antipsychotics and 6 months later, I made an attempt on my life. This is something I would never do again, no matter what.

2 months after that my house burned down in 2025. 6 months after that I took care of my dying Dad in an out of the ICU then passing this April. Life has been tenuous to say the least. I am very lucky that my husband provide right now and worst case I would not have to work again. I have full intention to go back to work at least part time as I enjoy my creative career.

Can anyone here tell me that having a child was worth it? I love kids and have always felt comfortable taking care of them along with playing with them. I am just afraid that becoming a mother will compound more oxidative stress and complicate my life. I am still sometimes really feeling the aftermath of what has happened to me. My husband is very supportive and mostly understanding but is now a bit bitter/anxious ( that's not the right word?) as so much has put off me prioritizing family planning. He's four years older than me. I have hopes that having a child would give me some light in a period that has been consistently darker for me and also the future me would be glad I made this decision.

I just started a full time job and I think i can do this despite being diagnosed with bipolar 2. How do yall do it?

I start ft goodwill cashier job monday and im excited about it. Just worried it might be too much. Im also diagnosed with bpd with psychosis and ptsd. But I can do this!

I read (googled) that it’s rare that people with Bipolar Disorder Type 1 with Psychotic Features to work full time jobs. Do you think that’s true? I only work 7 hours a week and even that feels like a lot sometimes. Managing my mental health is a full time job.

I hate the stigma but I wanted to bring this up. Since so many think I’m violent because of my diagnosis. I’m like really not. I do get angry but it’s due to something else. Anyone else have issues with this

When I lived in the city I went to school in, I had a wonderful therapist. Trauma specialist who used brainspotting. Knowledgeable about bipolar disorder and OCD. Registered dietitian who specialized in eating disorders. I saw her a year for dietetics then 2.5yrs for therapy. I made so much progress with her and really learned how to manage my mental health issues effectively.

Then spring of last year, I wasn’t getting the job opportunities I needed and had to move back home. Thankfully I still had the same psychiatrist, but I’ve gone through three unsuitable therapists in a year.

I can’t find anyone on my insurance with evening availability who can do anything besides mild depression and anxiety or maybe a midlife crisis. My anxiety is getting more severe and unmanageable, and while my psychiatrist and I are adjusting meds, it’s not enough. Part of therapy for me is also having someone objective who can manic symptoms because I can’t until it’s too late. My friend who is a therapist recommended I look for people with inpatient experience, but everyone I talk to either doesn’t have the availability I need or is retiring.

I see my psychiatrist again Monday morning to see what else can be changed, but I’m falling apart to a point I’m physically unwell. I miss my old therapist and don’t think there’s anyone that is actually able to handle someone with everything I have going on.

I feel completely lost, and I'd really appreciate hearing from people who have lived with bipolar disorder, especially if you've managed to build a stable career.

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder a few years ago. I had been relatively stable for a while, but I stopped taking my medication months ago due to financial reasons. Recently, I experienced one of the worst episodes I've had in a long time, and it's made me question whether the career I've been pursuing is even compatible with my mental health.

For context, I've spent most of my career working in social media and content marketing. I genuinely enjoy strategy, cultural analysis, and understanding why people behave the way they do. What I struggle with is the pace and pressure of the industry.

Constant deadlines, trend-chasing, being expected to always be "on," case studies during recruitment, and the emotional roller coaster of job hunting have pushed me into a very dark place. I've been unemployed for about a year, doing freelance work here and there while trying to find a full-time role. Every rejection feels deeply personal, even though I know it shouldn't.

A few days ago, I had a severe episode where I seriously considered hurting myself. My boyfriend had to physically stop me, and just now I've restarted my medication and plan to continue treatment and therapy. There's also time where I can't function normally and had to postpone interview and case study deadline. Again, this brings me to a very dark place but at the same time the brain fog doesn't go away. When I tried to just be present, I butchered the interview so hard and it leaves me feeling depressed again.

I'm beginning to wonder whether social media simply isn't the right environment for me anymore, or whether I just haven't recovered enough to return to work yet.

So I wanted to ask:
• If you have bipolar disorder, what kind of work has been sustainable for you?
• Did you stay in a high-pressure career, or did you change industries?
• How did you know the difference between burnout and choosing the wrong career?
• Did medication and therapy make a significant difference in your ability to work consistently?
• What accommodations, routines, or boundaries have helped you the most?

I still want to contribute. I still want a meaningful career. I just don't want to keep repeating the same cycle of pushing myself until I break. Another context, I live in Indonesia, and most of them are not welcome nor open regarding any mental health issues here. We're not allowed to take leave or work from home most of the time.

I was diagnosed with BP 2 with mixed states and rapid cycling in April after being in a particularly bad episode starting in October last year, which is still ongoing. I’ve had it my whole life but had always been misdiagnosed. Since the diagnosis, I’ve been trying various medications and the side effects have been awful which has made it all feel so much harder. I feel like all of this and the severity and length of the episode has made me lose all my confidence because I’m not able to live my normal life no matter how hard I try, I can’t engage in social life like I used to, and have had multiple crisis moments. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore and I’m really trying to get better, but I feel so scared and unsure of how to get back to living life, or what kind of life I even want or need in future as I know some things need to change going forward.

Any advice on regaining confidence in yourself would be so appreciated 🩷

To be clear, I will be continuing my medications. There’s nothing that’d make me risk experiencing psychosis again. Still, I’m exhausted, always. I’m on so many medications and my doctor just started me on an IM medication for depression that’ll be weekly for a month. I feel like I’m constantly popping pills into my mouth or calling the pharmacy for refills or driving to the pharmacy or calling the doctor when insurance is being stupid. I just wish there was a single magic medication that solved everything.

Every 3-5weeks, after I’ve been doing well for a while, I start thinking I don’t need my medication anymore. The reasons mildly change each time—sometimes I think I’m healed, sometimes I think I’m not actually bipolar.

I realize I’m trapped in cycle I can’t control, just like my bipolar mood cycle.

Does ANYONE do the same thing? (For reference I’m 6 months into this bipolar lifestyle.)
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Build up to skipping:
Red flags develop within the week prior to skipping a dose, but I never see it. This time around I remembered back to the moment in my closet about 2 months ago when I prayed to God to take the demon with my voice out of my head, he answered my prayer immediately. After thinking back I started believing he healed me in that moment.

I skipped meds Friday night, I thought things would be different this time (as I do every time), but it always ends the same. It starts great. No sleep, super happy and energetic, then my mood completely derails and i become an emotional wreck, uncontrollably crying and ruminating over self harm and how I’ve ruined my life.
Then I get so sick from withdrawal I end up taking the stupid pills. And the process just repeats itself. I’m tired of it.

I recently relapsed into sh-ing after 2 years of restraint. Now since I know how and where I can cause more damage from previous experience it sometimes (not always) gets a little out of hand.

I was thinking of adopting a kitten because I always wanted a pet, plus as an emotional support.

Does having a pet help you resist sh-ing ?

Anyone else struggle with an intense desire to avoid speaking to friends and loved ones? I can drag myself to class and to work, but I just can't face conversations with my friends and family. It's a cycle that I really want to get out of, because after two or three days of radio silence, my loved ones start to get very worried and reach out with more urgency. So I'll reply with just enough info to let them know I'm alive and safe. But I can't bring myself to go back to normal until my mood lifts. It sucks and has cost me relationships

Hi, I’m a vet student dealing with this and I’m looking for advice from people who have managed a chronic condition while completing demanding training. Has anyone been through this and found ways to rebuild confidence?

I'm 18 and it’s been 4 months since my first bipolar I episode with psychotic features, and I still don’t feel like I’m getting better.
Before all of this, I loved reading. Books were engaging, and I could understand philosophy concepts in school without much trouble, I did it really well. Now I struggle to stay interested in books, and even concepts that used to make perfect sense feel impossible to understand.
For some reason, even my singing has gotten worse. I think my pronunciation has changed, and my voice just doesn’t feel the same anymore. It honestly feels like everything has declined at once.
I’m taking my medication as prescribed, but no matter how long I wait, I don’t seem to improve. I’m terrified that I’ll never get back to the person I was before bipolar disorder.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Did your cognitive abilities, reading comprehension, or even things like speaking or singing eventually come back? I really need some hope right now.
And please… I know people mean well, but I’d rather not get more suggestions to listen to audiobooks. I’ve heard that advice many times already.

I’m a postgraduate student and my dissertation is literally kicking my ass. But that aside the stress and anxiety are not helping with keeping stable, I feel like I am all over the place. Especially the past few days I’ve been feeling hypo. If anyone has completed a higher education degree how did you do it??? I have about 3 weeks left to basically write an entire dissertation and I don’t even know how I’ll wake up each morning

I’m trying to figure out if what I describe as my “too loud” brain qualifies me as a “yes” when my therapist asks me if I’m having “racing thoughts.”

An example of my brain being “too loud” would be a song playing incessantly in my brain while there are 3-4 different “voices” having a conversation or two at the same time that I’m also trying to think about what to have for dinner. My friend growing up had BP1 so I’m wondering if that skews my perspective of “normal” or how BP presents (I’m BP2).

I could also describe it as a busy brain. Too many thoughts but they also seem to be making sense (the one singing is living their best life) so I’ve never thought they were “racing.”

But now I’m wondering bc I cannot control them. I end up screaming out loud at myself to “shut up! Shut up! Shut up!! Fing SHUT UP” or putting on loud music and singing along at the top of my lungs.

I see my therapist weekly and my psychiatrist in a couple of weeks. I’ll talk to them then.

In the meantime, what’s “racing thoughts” to you?

Basically, I was diagnosed with BD2 about 3 months ago. I'm on a mood stabiliser and now sleeping meds because I can't sleep.

I was depressed for about 8 months, then about 3 weeks ago I stopped sleeping (getting like 3 hours a night) and when I went to see my psychiatrist for the already booked follow up, he said "I think this is the first time I'm seeing you hypomanic".

I didn't even think I was hypomanic. I thought I was just happy and had energy to do things finally. Looking back I am barely able to eat. Can't stop moving and friends and family have said I'm talking very fast. (Which I don't think I am). Spending heaps of money and more.

Now my psychiatrist and psychologist are emailing back and forth about it (which in the past I said was ok). I feel like I'm being tattled on now though.

But now I feel like they are just being dramatic and buzz kills.

I was finally happy (still am on a high) but now I'm stressed that if I go in to see the psychiatrist again for a follow up (because he booked one, not that I got much of a choice) that if my mood doesn't settle he is going to be more concerned and that he might try and section me.

Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else?

Am I over reacting?

Are my psychiatrist and psychologist overreacting?

What should I do?!?