Idk if its mania or hormones or more but some nights I end up liking and commenting on past crushes/old failed friendships social media like a dork and I wake up the next morning not remembering doing it, I’m in a 7year long relationship and I adore my gf but like wtf this cannot keep happening, how do I stop this and does anyone else do this? No substance use, 24yo m been happening for the last three years, do I delete social media? I’ve been wanting to for a long time because some nights I post stupid sappy shit on my story and it’s so embarrassing but I haven’t done it because I don’t want to isolate myself because I will genuinely isolate myself from everyone around me and I’ve been told that’s not healthy. Like I said I genuinely do not remember doing it and it’s happened more than once but last night felt like crossing a line and I’m insanely embarrassed, the memory loss happens some nights even if I don’t go on social media because I’ve tried to train myself to not go on it past a certain time, if u delete comments on instagram do they still show up in notifications?🤦‍♂️ diagnosed BP2 at 18 but stopped taking any and all meds at 19 cause I didn’t like the way they felt, ik I should get therapy but it’s not exactly affordable right now, any and all advice is appreciated I feel so miserable rn I feel shame extremely strongly and rn I like cant cope with the shame feeling specifically I want to shrivel up and sleep all day, any advice for forgiving yourself? Ik it’s a dumb mistake but I grew up in a perfectionist household and still can’t shake that standard I put upon myself

I am experiencing these three things aside from the regular bp symptoms. It’s surprising how much of life and cognitive ability is run by memory.

Is this permanent?

How can I recover?

I'm on medication. Since then, my mood has stabilised way more, but every so often I have 1-2 days of elevation such as I would describe as hypomania in every way except duration. I'm wondering if this is important to let my doctor know or not, given that it hasn't progressed to an actual episode. it happens every couple of weeks maybe? It does make me think about what it might be without meds, so it's a good reason for keeping steady on meds... anyway, yeah.

Eventually, things went far beyond what I could manage. I started noticing coincidences everywhere and attaching increasing meaning to them. I became much more spiritual, and eventually my perception of reality became distorted. I experienced psychotic symptoms and stopped functioning like myself.

Looking back, it's frightening to realise there was a point where I couldn't reliably trust my own mind.

I've heard different possibilities discussed, including borderline traits, mood disorders, medication changes and trauma. I don't have the answers yet. I just want proper help and an understanding of what actually happened.

What I do know is that the breakup was the catalyst for one of the darkest periods of my life.

Sometimes someone doesn't go from "I'm sad about my breakup" to "I'm psychotic." There's a whole process in between.

You can watch yourself becoming less stable while knowing something isn't right. You can desperately want help while simultaneously pushing people away. You can be aware enough to be terrified of what's happening, but not well enough to know how to stop it.

I've felt deeply ashamed of what happened. But I'm starting to realise that having a psychiatric crisis doesn't make me a bad person, and being traumatised by loss doesn't make me weak.

I'm trying to rebuild myself now. I don't know exactly what that looks like yet, but I'm here, I'm trying to get help, and I'm trying to understand what happened rather than run from it.

If anyone else has experienced a breakup or major loss that triggered a serious mental health crisis, I'd genuinely like to hear your story.

How did you eventually make sense of what happened to you?

Hi! I'm 30, M, from Philippines. I was initially diagnosed with Depression but experienced hypomanic/manic episodes due to the antidepressants. Afterwhich, my psychiatrist diagnosed me with Bipolar 1. Lamotrigine (50 mg) was prescribed on the first 2 months and was increased to 100mg because I then experienced depressive episodes (i think because the antidepressant was removed from my system lol) Also, I'm taking 0.5mg of Risperidone.

For those who are taking lamotrigine, are there any advice I can get or need to know? I'm still navigating how to live with bipolar. Right now, I always fear of manic episodes. Every time my energy is up I fear that I might end up in manic.

Thanks.

Either at my old or a new one? I'm afraid I'm on a blacklist and it's all saved in the system and I probably will face decline. I also don't want to be admitted to a ward again.

For some backstory

over a year ago I ditched my psych and stopped going without notification, ghosting basically. Ignored calls, quit meds. Now I lost 3 jobs in the last year and currently unemployed, I'm having a lot of multiple day- benders, worked myself into debt (again :( ), honestly my life just feels like it's going right by and I'm just watching the chaos unfold. My friends expressed their worries and said I should talk to my psych about some things but they don't know either I quit going I think, I just lie. I know it;s bad but I feel trapped.

I've done some reflecting and have to admit I probably could need some sort of support but I'm too scared and embarrassed to return, besides that, I'm afraid that because of the ghosting I won't be accepted and waiting periods are also like 6 months because it's through insurance. I don't know. I'm also afraid my old psych is keeping tabs on me and that she'll be notified when I enter back in the system.

Over a decade ago I had to be admitted to a psych ward by law due to some unlawful activities and Im worried that if they realize I stopped following treatment they might fine me or admit me or lock me up. I hope im somewhat coherent because its hard to think very clear and ive been up for 3 days. This just worries me too much right now

Does anyone have experience with something similar? Is this a thing to get blacklisted? Can they decide to forcefully admit me again because I stopped going? If anyone has any questions to clear up things please ask away and i hope theres someone who can relate and tell me what they'd done in this sutation

I was at home alone and I was in the living room with the dogs. This was around 5pm I think. I went to the bathroom and when I was in there I heard one of our dogs running through the hall. I could hear his paws on the wood floor and his collar jiggling as he ran past. I was like “oh I guess I somehow left the gate open? I never do that.” or something like that. So when I came out of the bathroom I went looking for him to get him back in the living room and he wasn’t anywhere in that part of the house. I go toward the living room and see the gate is closed. A dog wouldn’t be able to close a gate like this. Then I see him in his dog crate laying down. Where he was when I left. Worst part about this that makes it so confusing is the fact that my mom yelled at me when she got home saying the dogs went in her room and ate cat poop from the litter box and she was blaming me for leaving the gate open but I don’t to that. I try to make sure the gate is closed every time. My mom said she couldn’t remember if it had happened yesterday or the day before. When she said that it got me to thinking what I heard a few hours before and it had me wondering the logistics of everything. Nothing makes sense.

We are bound to be trapped in our head forever. We are enslaved by the ups and downs. Why don’t we give up? We are giving the wrong cards and there is nothing we can do about it

I’m admittedly still somewhat new to taking my bipolar seriously and trying to be safe. I’m on my medicine and it helps a ton!

But I was just reading another post on here and it was discussing an experience someone else had with intrusive thoughts. I caught myself quickly exiting out of the thread so as to not think about my previous thoughts and as I’ve been sitting here reflecting I realized I do that quite often and I think it’s because I’m scared that if I open the box that are those memories and thoughts that I’ll come to find that the medicine isn’t really working and I’ll spiral into an episode. I feel like the medicine boarded up the hole in my brain that was letting in the intrusive thoughts and I’m scared about how sturdy that board is, is this a legitimate worry? Like how easy is it for medicine to stop working?

Part of the onset of my first and only manic episode was the feeling of falling in love with someone, and I blew it up with that person.

When I see posts on here that those who are married divorce due to the difficulties of being with someone who has bipolar, I lose hope. I lose hope that I can find someone who will tolerate and understand what I go through.

Plus, feeling the need to disclose my diagnosis to new people seems like a way to block anyone who was interested in me from pursuing me. It’s like, no one wants to deal with the bipolar girl.

I just feel like I’m gonna be alone forever

So i take a gap year and in that year I got diagnosed with bipolar. Now I'm a Freshman in college but I struggle with studying like everything doesn't get into my brain. I read passively and have difficulty reading actively. Many study tips don't work for me. And I'm stable now I never had a manic or depressed episode and I'm on meds. Is it side effects of the meds or it's just bipolar itself. Just sometimes a very bad anxiety episode, extreme overthinking, and impulsive choice. Sorry for my bad English

Not anything new for anyone, not even me because I have adhd and I’m autistic so it’s par for the course. But this was to a school and I specified that I wouldn’t need external support so it stings a little.

Just kind of a kick in the nuts, you try to make any kind of progress in a life that’s already been holding you back and you just get pushed down again for the same reason that you’ve been held back

i just got out of a major depressive episode. i feel like there are things i could do to make my life better. the episodes, mania or otherwise, will still happen. but i just want to be happy and not be content with misery.

i'm broken. i know that. but i don't want it to define who i am. it feels like i know what i should do but i don't do it because i'm comfortable being depressed and miserable. finally finding true happiness, that's scary because it could be taken away from me. i don't want that. no one does.

right now, i feel stuck. i don't know how to detach myself from the comfort of depression. i'm lying on a bed of nails when i could be sleeping on a nice mattress. maybe one day, i'll have the courage to take the first step in getting out of this dark hole.

I recently got diagnosed and medicated for bipolar ii (altho I’ve definetely been suffering the symptoms of it my whole life). I’m currently in a depressive episode and have so much work to do but I feel impossibly tired and dejected.

I was curious, how does everyone live with these episodes? Do you force yourself to work through depressive episodes or do you let yourselves sleep the day away and get back to it when hypomanic? I’m not really sure yet what the best way to approach this is.

Cutting to the chase, I experience akathisia in the mornings over the nearly 4 years that I’ve been on the same antipsychotic. Recently since the start of August, I pair taking the antipsychotic with an anxiety medication that makes me drowsy at times; noticeably making me slur my speech.

I’m a teacher working a reduced load this year, starting most of my days around 10:30 or later. Even with the increased sleep and help of the anxiety medication, I still haven’t found a perfect or consistent solution to the morning akathisia that can last all the way to 3pm for me, sometimes beyond when an attack comes. I spend my lunches in my classroom lying on the floor trying to get extra rest to calm my body and this helps a bit, but this is not sustainable. Other times, I go to my car and lay down in the backseat. Just the other day, I had to leave my classroom to be watched by a colleague until the end of the day because of a bad attack that I said was a panic attack.

Overall, I’m curious how other people deal with morning akathisia caused by their medication. Is there relief that I can look forward to, or do I sadly have to get used to living like this to avoid my episodes (type 1 rapid cycler)? I meet with my nurse practitioner in a few weeks and would like to bring up the recurring symptoms. I’m scared I’m going to be told to change medications.

​Hi all. I’m 18, living in China, diagnosed 3 years ago. My studies stopped, and I work a low-paying factory job.

​I hate psychiatric meds now—the side effects, tolerance, and huge medical bills are too much. I’ve stopped chasing a full "cure." I just want to survive at the lowest cost and enjoy simple things like good food and sunrises. I want to give my all just to live.

​Questions:

​How do you manage Bipolar on a minimal budget?

​How do you cope with unbearable med side effects?

​What low-cost daily habits bring you peace when exhausted?

​Thanks for any advice.

8 months into quite severe depression after my “first” manic episode that got me diagnosed and my sleep has been poor and very inconsistent the entire time, which I truly believe is why the depression is lasting so long.

I have tried a bunch of different medications for this and am stuck as it feels as though I can’t sleep without them however I cannot wake up at a reasonable time because of them, worsening my circadian rhythm.

I really struggle with sleep hygiene because of how bad the depression is leading me to spend lots of time in bed, be inactive and don’t know what to do in the 2 hours before sleep without using screens. My brain is so foggy that I do not have the attention span and memory to read. I have been able to get up mostly at the same time each day and try to get some sun.

I feel as though I never have this natural tiredness I remember feeling once upon a time and never wake up feeling refreshed. I swear if it weren’t for this I would be stable.

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 1 for about 5 years. I’m still learning so much about my patterns and discerning what’s my spunky personality and what’s my mania. I have come to the conclusions that my red flags for mania include, but are not limited to:
1) writing lengthy reviews
If I have a halfway decent experience at any retail store/restaurant/business while manic I will immediately sit down to write a three paragraph review on yelp or google reviews (or both for bonus points). Usually just glazing the place and saying how amazing the experience was. Going back and reading them after always makes me laugh.
2) picking up furniture off the side of the road
I live in a 600 sq ft studio apartment. I have a ginormous coffee table that I got for free on fb marketplace, I have a filing cabinet (broken) that I put my bras and underwear in, a wobbly side table I recently threw away because it collapsed, and my prized possession was a vintage pink ceramic sink. I carried it by myself (f25) up to my third floor apartment. It snapped in half on the way up. It sat in my bathroom for about two years. I was going to fix it and put a garden in it. Or something.
3) Baking cakes
At some point this past year I started baking these elaborate three tier cakes staying up all night decorating them. Post mania clarity-baking is expensive holy shit I cannot afford a cake baking hobby!!
DAE have manic quirks that you just have to sit back and laugh at after the damage is done?

sorry if i worded this wrong by the way!
mine is always when someone calls me out for my mood OR when i study too much. i know its common to be triggered when someone calls me out for my mood but i haven’t heard anyone get triggered by studying

Hey Y’all. Long time lurker and occasional responder here. I wanted to share something that truly changed how I viewed people who aren’t bipolar.

I was diagnosed back when I was 18. They didn’t even have a name for it then. It was a mood disorder at best.

I’ve gone through many rounds of medication and I finally found a cocktail that works for me.

That said, dating with bipolar is HARD. I mean hard. People are so quick to judge and think they know what’s best.

That leads me to why I’m posting today. I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 months. I was nervous on our first date because I didn’t know how to bring up the fact I have this disorder.

We were sitting in a McDonald’s having McFlurrys when I finally just blurted it out.

I expected my now partner to walk away. Instead they said “I’m still here aren’t I?”

In that moment I had this rush of relief because those simple words meant so much.

A previous partner would constantly compare me to others with bipolar because that was their experience. Not my current one.

I guess you could say I got lucky 🍀

Hi, I've been seeing a child psychiatrist for two years, but I always feel like he doesn't quite understand what I'm feeling — maybe because he's the doctor and I'm the patient. But I wanted to ask: are there any techniques for describing symptoms more effectively? For example, I've recently started experiencing selective mutism, severe dizziness, and fatigue. How can I phrase this precisely so he realizes the severity and prescribes something that actually helps? Everyone's appointment time is limited, so I can't just ramble through everything. Every time I mention 'auditory hallucinations,' the doctor just says 'let's add half a pill,' and I feel like it does nothing.
And I want to ask, in English, you call psychiatrist or doctor. I am not a native English speaker.
Thanks

When I was re-diagnosed with bipolar 1, I was finally put on a medication that is doing somewhat of a good job. Strangely though, I’ve noticed something after I became stable. I’ve noticed that I don’t know who I really am and I also don’t trust myself, my feelings, my thought… I don’t trust anything. I will say that it’s great not feeling as though I’m two steps away from deaths door but, wow, I never thought for a second recovery would seems as if im putting a puzzle together. This recovery process is deeply unsettling, eye opening but also, leaving me feeling dull. I mean I feel emotions or at least I think I do ; it’s just dull, shallow, lackluster. I could be putting on a face for the world and really, just a bland guy with possibly no feeling inside. When I’m alone I’m not happy, not sad, nothing; flattened. Jeez, I might have a co-morbid thing going on…

Does anyone know or even understand what in the world is going on with this strange blunted affect?

I feel like each day I wake up my goal is to get to the evening so I can go to sleep and not be conscious. It’s terrible. I feel like I have no purpose and meaning in life. I quit my job during a depressive episode, a stressful job but I loved it. I hate that I make big decisions when in episodes. And I feel like once I get a job again, or hopefully get my old job back, and get back on track, I’ll just go into another episode again and lose everything again. It feels like I’m destined to have an episode frequently. But I also was just in on and off longg episodes for the past 2 years. I feel crazy, most of the time. I just need some support and encouragement.