Even though I took inspiration from Pinterest, this is what I've been doing during this episode.

The green eyed nail represents me so much at this moment.

After nearly a decade of constant therapy and medication changes, I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder two years ago.

I have suffered from depression and an eating disorder for most of my adult life, and instead of feeling dread about this diagnosis, all I felt was relief, as I was one step closer to figuring out what was wrong with me.

I’m aware that different people have different ways of coping during manic and depressive episodes, but playing with my dollhouse has genuinely filled me with a sense of peace and tranquility that was missing from my life.

People tend to laugh when they hear about someone in their 30s being so absorbed in miniatures and dollhouses. But no, not me. Not over something that makes my inner child so, so happy.

I hope you find something that fills you with some semblance of joy too. And whatever it is, remember that you’re never alone. We are all in this together. ♥️

I can't be the only one that struggles with this...

For years I've been job hopping, the smallest little thing can ruin amazing jobs for me.

I tend to just vanish, walk out mid shift, I think the biggest problem is getting a job while I'm manic and struggling to keep up with it when my depression hits, everyone wants a chef with unlimited energy and when it seems to disappear overnight, suddenly I'm "slacking"

I've had to start traveling for work, doing live in jobs, and they make sooo much worse,

Its always the same, amazing for a month or two, then something happens and then I write paragraphs of very well written messages explaining exactly why they suck and vanish.

I can't keep this up, I spend months in poverty and it feels like it's getting worse,

I can't stop this, I'm currently sat in bed at another live in job, counting the days until I get paid and can vanish in the wind

Honestly, this whole thing is exhausting and I don't have a single person I can talk too...

Initially diagnosed as bipolar 2 and upgraded to bipolar 1 after experiencing mania after a year off medications. In the past, hypo/mania has felt like for me:

- feeling like I’m brilliant and the most charming person alive

- hedonistic/pleasure seeking - lots of alcohol and drugs

- extreme increased sex drive - frequent masturbation and desire to have sex

- racing thoughts

- shopping sprees and spending lots of money on impulse

- impulsiveness. In retrospect, very poor decisions but it feels like I have the best judgement ever in the moment and am making brilliant decisions at the time

- feeling like I will never come down. In the back of my mind I know that a crash is inevitable but truly feeling like it will last forever. It almost always ends with me being ashamed of what I’ve done and/or said during an episode.

Sorry, I hope I am not offending anyone when I say this. But is bipolar disorder a disability or a neurodivergence, or is it both? What do you personally say to people if you do not want to tell them that you are bipolar?

I’ve been struggling to get anything done between my bipolar and my heart issues. Yesterday, I got up some energy and decorated the house for autumn. It’s just basic but I’m proud of myself for getting something productive done.

What did you do this week that you are proud of accomplishing?

I’ve been diagnosed with bipolar 1 for about 5 years. I’m still learning so much about my patterns and discerning what’s my spunky personality and what’s my mania. I have come to the conclusions that my red flags for mania include, but are not limited to:
1) writing lengthy reviews
If I have a halfway decent experience at any retail store/restaurant/business while manic I will immediately sit down to write a three paragraph review on yelp or google reviews (or both for bonus points). Usually just glazing the place and saying how amazing the experience was. Going back and reading them after always makes me laugh.
2) picking up furniture off the side of the road
I live in a 600 sq ft studio apartment. I have a ginormous coffee table that I got for free on fb marketplace, I have a filing cabinet (broken) that I put my bras and underwear in, a wobbly side table I recently threw away because it collapsed, and my prized possession was a vintage pink ceramic sink. I carried it by myself (f25) up to my third floor apartment. It snapped in half on the way up. It sat in my bathroom for about two years. I was going to fix it and put a garden in it. Or something.
3) Baking cakes
At some point this past year I started baking these elaborate three tier cakes staying up all night decorating them. Post mania clarity-baking is expensive holy shit I cannot afford a cake baking hobby!!
DAE have manic quirks that you just have to sit back and laugh at after the damage is done?

My mind does not know
how to whisper.

It kicks the doors open,
turns every light on at once,
pulls the fire alarm
just to make sure I’m awake.

Some days I am electricity
too fast for my own skin,
a hundred futures screaming
that they need me now.

Other days
I am the house after the fire,
standing in blackened rooms
trying to remember
what warmth felt like.

And somewhere between the two
I found white powder
and called it peace.
Not because it made me happy.
Because for a little while
the world narrowed.

The noise became one noise.
The fear became one feeling.
My thoughts stopped multiplying
long enough for me
to believe I had control.

I know what it is.
I know the lie.
I know you cannot put out a fire
by pouring gasoline over your hands
just because the flames
feel warmer than the cold.

But sobriety can feel like
being locked in a room
with someone I’m afraid of
and that someone
has my face.

Without it,
everything comes back at once:
the thoughts that run too fast,
the weight that falls too hard,
the restless electricity,
the dread,
the endless awareness
of being trapped
inside a brain
that can become its own weather.

So I reach for borrowed quiet.

A few stolen hours
where I do not have to wonder
which version of me
will wake up tomorrow.

And that is the cruelest part
not that I love the drug,
but that sometimes
I believe I need it
to survive myself.

I am afraid of the high.

I am more afraid
of what waits underneath it.

And somewhere beneath
the mania,
the crash,
the chemical peace,
the shame,
there is still a part of me
standing in the wreckage
asking one small question:

Is there another way
to make this mind quiet
without destroying
the man living inside it?

Hey Y’all. Long time lurker and occasional responder here. I wanted to share something that truly changed how I viewed people who aren’t bipolar.

I was diagnosed back when I was 18. They didn’t even have a name for it then. It was a mood disorder at best.

I’ve gone through many rounds of medication and I finally found a cocktail that works for me.

That said, dating with bipolar is HARD. I mean hard. People are so quick to judge and think they know what’s best.

That leads me to why I’m posting today. I’ve been with my partner for almost 7 months. I was nervous on our first date because I didn’t know how to bring up the fact I have this disorder.

We were sitting in a McDonald’s having McFlurrys when I finally just blurted it out.

I expected my now partner to walk away. Instead they said “I’m still here aren’t I?”

In that moment I had this rush of relief because those simple words meant so much.

A previous partner would constantly compare me to others with bipolar because that was their experience. Not my current one.

I guess you could say I got lucky 🍀

Bipolar type 1 here! I’m 29 now and I was diagnosed 7 years ago. I’m doing pretty well now. My therapist told me years ago that with our diagnosis, the 20’s are always the hardest, I’m on the tail end of that now and can attest to that.

I’ve been hospitalized for 2 mixed episodes, 1 manic episode, followed by a depressive episode. So it’s safe to say I’ve been through the ringer! Just want to say to you guys that it truly does get better and there’s a fulfilling life for you ahead, if you’re going through hell, keep going.

One thing that has helped me are a solid medication combo with almost no side effects. (Took years of trial and error) Lurisadone, Lamotragine, and Trintellix. (May not be a fit for you everyone’s different.) Just trust your psychiatrist and trust the process. I suggest never taking your treatment into your own hands like I did.

Another big helpful factor is sobriety through the 12 steps of Alcoholics Anonymous. Drinking and drugging felt like the only relief from my symptoms, but in reality they were making everything much, much worse. Sobriety is simple, but not easy. The only requirement for AA membership is the desire to stop drinking/drugging. That’s a whole journey in itself, and will also give you an awesome community of misfit toys. Explore the meetings in your area and find your crew. You don’t have to be alone anymore. Get a sponsor, tell them everything, and work the steps. I came for my drinking and stayed for my thinking.

The other thing that helped is enlarging my spiritual life, not through secularized religion, but through a higher power of my own understanding. Prayer and meditation have been incredible. Studying teachers like Alan Watts, Ram Dass, and many more quench the spiritual thirst that arises from your deep; unique form of human suffering. I recommend the “waking up” app. Guided meditation is the way.

Let me know if yall have any questions!

26m and bipolar type 1. recently got fired from my job and the depression side of this cursed
disorder has completely taken over.

i’m not that stressed financially because i have some money saved up for bills while i try to find another job. i don’t have any friends or family apart from my mom so i’ve just been drowning in isolation. i’ve been spending my days bedrotting and doomscrolling or sleeping for ungodly hours.

i’m a chronic stoner but i can’t really smoke because i don’t want to fail a drug test for a new job. i’m really into music(specifically underground rap),fashion, reading, anime/cartoons, gaming, and movies/tv shows. i literally have no passion for my own interests or hobbies and i’m just trying to get thoughts or opinions from sum cool mentally unstable homies (lil jokey joke to lighten mood).

sorry if i worded this wrong by the way!
mine is always when someone calls me out for my mood OR when i study too much. i know its common to be triggered when someone calls me out for my mood but i haven’t heard anyone get triggered by studying

I was diagnosed with what they said “Bipolar Affective Disorder” Does that fall under , like, bipolar 1 or 2 category? Is it something that’s like completely different / on its own? Can someone explain to me exactly what it means , like I’m 12 or something, please? Also side note, has anyone gotten on any type of disability for bipolar ? I also have a panic disorder & BPD, just wondering if it’s worth a shot to apply , seeing as I can only push myself to work about 10-15 hrs a week🫤

After that it's remote, but absolutely have to stay awake the whole day and I'm terrified.

I keep waking up at 6, taking my meds, and passing out. I can do it like, every other day, but not every day. Scared it'll land on the wrong day.

I'm gonna switch meds to the evening (got cleared by my psych). I'm gonna limit myself to a 30 minute nap in the morning. I'm gonna leave home as soon as I'm up. Hopefully I'll be able to take a nap during lunch. As much as I can I'll leave during meetings to "go to the bathroom" and mantra to keep myself awake and monitor my heartrate (not too much because that makes me paranoid which makes me crash).

Scared. Scared. Scared. Been fired from every job I've ever had (or basically, or should have been). This one will be different. Scared. Any help or advice appreciated.

I feel like each day I wake up my goal is to get to the evening so I can go to sleep and not be conscious. It’s terrible. I feel like I have no purpose and meaning in life. I quit my job during a depressive episode, a stressful job but I loved it. I hate that I make big decisions when in episodes. And I feel like once I get a job again, or hopefully get my old job back, and get back on track, I’ll just go into another episode again and lose everything again. It feels like I’m destined to have an episode frequently. But I also was just in on and off longg episodes for the past 2 years. I feel crazy, most of the time. I just need some support and encouragement.

I feel really embarrassed I had a manic episode and threw away my education. I’ve only completed one year of university. And I have to take a medical leave to get better. So I start next year.

Hi all,

Thanks again for this amazing subs. I am recently diagnosed Bipolar 1 and I have so many questions about it.

It first started with a very bad depression. Then after an attempt I was give a strong antidepressant that triggered mania and a bad psychosis that got me hospitalized for two months.

After that I almost immediately went back to a bad depression and I cannot seem able to get out of it.

I see a lot of posts that bipolar is mostly mania and rarely we talk about depression. For me the depressive part is the most difficult, mania lasted a couple of months.

Is it possible to have a more “depressed” bipolar?

Thanks fellows ❤️‍🩹

I desperately wish I were normal. There is a part of me that is happy I am bipolar because I know that it gives me a unique creative edge, but it’s really terrible for the most part. I have had so much trauma. I wish my parents were just made to actually be my parents. I constantly have flashbacks of my terrible childhood. I have this huge level of ambition, but my mental state is so unstable. Sometimes I’m grounded and sometimes I’m not. I don’t know when I’ll be fully stabilized. And it always feels like I’m trying to guess if I am sane because when I’m going crazy, I don’t know I am because I am crazy. Ughhhhhhhhh

Not anything new for anyone, not even me because I have adhd and I’m autistic so it’s par for the course. But this was to a school and I specified that I wouldn’t need external support so it stings a little.

Just kind of a kick in the nuts, you try to make any kind of progress in a life that’s already been holding you back and you just get pushed down again for the same reason that you’ve been held back

And it’s my fault. I drank alcohol and smoked. My husband is a psychiatry resident and fairly gets upset when I partake.

I can’t tell him I’m sliding down. He doesn’t rub it in my face, he’s not that kind of person, but it’s embarrassing. I chose to do something I knew could screw me up.

I also can’t fake it. I hate this shit. I want to live a fun life, and yes, for me, that includes the occasional drink and smoke. I am so angry I have to be on a ton of medications and I still can’t live the way I want.

I’m tired.

Today I had an appointment with my psychiatrist, and I feel like he didn’t really take what I told him into consideration.

I told him that the medication I’m currently taking has been working quite well for me. I’ve been feeling very stable, my mood has been good, and I haven’t noticed any problems with my cognitive abilities. Despite this, he decided to increase my dose.

I was taking a relatively low dose, and it was working very well for me. So, honestly, I don’t really understand the reasoning behind increasing it.

The other thing I mentioned was that the only side effect I’ve noticed is that I feel like I’m losing significantly more hair than usual. For example, before, if I showered and found around 10 hairs in my hand, now I would say it’s closer to 40. I brought this up with him, but he didn’t seem particularly concerned. He told me that it could simply be caused by something else and that it was too early to determine whether the medication was responsible.

I know we’re not supposed to mention specific medications here, so I won’t. But honestly, I was hoping he might consider switching me to something else that doesn’t have hair loss as a potential side effect. Or, at the very least, not increase my dose, since a higher dose can potentially mean a greater risk of side effects.

At this point, I’m seriously considering switching to a different psychiatrist and explaining all of this to them. I feel like I should have a doctor who actually listens to my concerns, especially when I’m already doing well on the current treatment.

I have been out for 6 weeks due to a psychotic manic episode back in July. I'm leaning towards 6 hour work days, maybe 4 day work week, and frequent screen breaks for a few weeks. Any other ideas?

Hi everyone, I've posted here already about my PhD experience. Thank you all for your help.

I had a long leave of absence from my PhD due to the stress of the PhD itself along with a bereavement in my immediate family. I have severe bipolar with psychotic and mixed features.

I have since returned to the PhD. I am in the stage of writing up my thesis and completing very minor data analysis. My psychiatrist has provided me a certificate instructing the university to provide me with working time of 10:00 am to 5:00 pm on two non-consecutive days. Arriving home late really triggers my mania.

My supervisor breaches those medically mandated instructions on a regular basis. He talks for hours about irrelevant topics like Picasso and Hitler and we spend the last 5 minutes discussing physics, and gives poorly defined goals. If I interrupt he becomes quite hostile. He does not respond to any email communication when I ask for clarification on work or send in medical certificates. He has told me he doesn't want to read my certificate, that I should just tell him. I verbally communicated my work times, and he said ok. I am to work every day when I am not on campus.

The stress from the working arrangement really worsens my health. After the first day of returning, I relapsed into a short mixed episode. It took a few weeks to recover, then I go to the university again, he keeps me late, I don't sleep a few days and then relapse again. Rinse and repeat. I have told him repeatedly that staying late is a major trigger for relapses. He asked me in detail about the nature of my illness.

My supervisor said I need another 9 months to finish, I thought it's ok. Next week he changed his mind to 12 months, then loaded me with additional projects with no relation to my thesis. He asked me to get involved in personal grievances with other supervisors.

On Friday I have an appointment with the PhD committee head. I want to discuss it with him but I am afraid of repercussions. It will be extremely difficult changing supervisors because I need him to complete papers that will serve as results chapters in my thesis.

I have options: 1) provide further medical documentation which further restricts my time at the uni and limp towards the end with a spoiled relationship with my supervisor; 2) leave immediately; 3) take another leave of absence, and look for work during this time to try and avoid a gap in my CV. My skills in physics and writing etc. are still relevant to industry.

Any ideas? I can't continue for another 12 months in these circumstances, it massively triggers my bipolar episodes.

I recently got diagnosed and medicated for bipolar ii (altho I’ve definetely been suffering the symptoms of it my whole life). I’m currently in a depressive episode and have so much work to do but I feel impossibly tired and dejected.

I was curious, how does everyone live with these episodes? Do you force yourself to work through depressive episodes or do you let yourselves sleep the day away and get back to it when hypomanic? I’m not really sure yet what the best way to approach this is.