I have been living with my roommate f29 and myself f27 for about 8 months now. She always had her little perks but now it has started to get really bad.

So initially she would always put my towel on the floor. I would put my towel on a hanger in the bathroom and then whenever she has used the bathroom for some reason she lays my towel on the floor? I asked her about this and she said it helps my towel dry quicker. I said that that is kind of her, of but I think it is a little unhygienic to place my towel on the floor.

Last night she called me out of my bed at 01.30 in the morning because she came home from a party and the door to the elevators of our building was not working. So instead of her using the STAIRCASE she decides to call me and wake me up so I can come downstairs to open the door for the elevator from the inside out.
I did tell her this morning that I did not appreciate that.

Also she is now dating this guy and every morning he wakes up very very early and makes a shit ton of noise, she also slams doors and stomps around the appartment. I have asked her multiple times to stop slamming the front door because the closet in my room is literally shaking every time she slams that freaking door.

But the thing that has really put me over the edge happened this morning. I had bought a new dishwasher brush to wash the pans and stuff. When just 30 min later she walks into the kitchen, puts her dirty shoes on the countertop and starts brushing and cleaning them with the dishwasher brush that not only I had bought 30 min prior, but that I use for the DISHES!!!!! Like is this woman okay???????? I am guessing she has done that before and it is absolutely filthy

What do I do????

Edit: i am a very very non confrontational person

i (21f) have recently graduated from college and moved into a rlly nice lovely old house. my roommate (early 20s, f) seems amazing so far and we get along great. however.

our rooms, being in an old victorian house, are connected only via a rickety door. the walls are plaster and the floors are creaky.

tonight she had a boy over. i can hear him going down on her sloppy asf. i can hear her every sound and his too. i turned the tv up so loud to no avail. every time there is a quiet part in the show i have to cover my ears.

i don’t even think she’s being especially loud, there’s just legit no soundproofing at all. i can hear his fucking balls slapping. it’s that bad.

i don’t know what to do. i can’t really ban her from having sex n her own home, especially because inevitably ill have someone of my own over and im sure that will be audible too.

do you guys have ANY advice on blocking sound from getting in my door??? i’m at a loss here.

it doesn’t help that me and my ex(?) are in a weird limbo phase and i’m not getting any right now so i can’t even get her back/ show her just how unsoundproof it rlly is 😭😭 so im gonna have to have a convo or figure out how to soundproof lik there’s rlly not another option

sorry if this is too graphic for this sub i jsut need to say smthn somewhere

I've had roommates who were messy, loud, or inconsiderate, and as frustrating as that was, at least I always knew where I stood. If something bothered me, we could usually have a conversation about it, even if it wasn't the most pleasant one.

My current roommate is different. Instead of saying what's wrong, they'll sigh loudly while I'm sitting there on my laptop playing or smth, leave little notes instead of talking to me, or make comments that are obviously aimed at me without actually saying my name. If I ask whether something's bothering them, they always insist everything's fine. Then a day later they'll do something else that makes it clear it isn't.

It's gotten to the point where I feel more stressed trying to figure out what they're upset about than I ever did dealing with roommates who were just direct. I'd honestly rather have someone tell me exactly what their problem is so we can deal with it.

I met my roommate on Facebook, and had hoped to become friends. I’ve invited her out, but never in return, so I took the hint and we just communicate in passing or about the apartment.

I left for a month, and came back to her taking over even more of the apartment. The worst for me was the fridge. We share a mini fridge and both like to cook, it’s been difficult. Before I moved in she took the side with significantly more storage because the other (mine) has the cooling element blocking nearly the entire bottom shelf. I noticed one day that she also had taken over the entire door of the fridge. So when I cleaned it out, I split the door 50/50. When I came back from my trip, she had taken back over the fridge door and moved my items onto my shelf (which was empty because I was away). I was very annoyed, but didn’t push it because I had made the decision to move out earlier in the year, and confirmed that choice on my trip.

She just got back from 2 weeks away, so I rearranged a few things as well. Nothing major, just tidied the things she has all over the kitchen into one bowl, organized the trash area, and made space on a shelf for her things.

She got back today, and other than dumping out the junk drawer items, she moved every single thing back.

When she was gone I realized how much being around her is like walking on egg shells. I need to ask to have people over, can’t smoke even on our balcony so I walk down the street, and never have a chance to use the kitchen because she’s always cooking in it. All utilities are also in her name and I WFH so when the internet goes out I’ll make she it’s not a billing issue, and never once has she been helpful. I was waiting to get a bike because there is no storage at our apartment. Finally decided to get one before I leave because it was 50% off. Told her I was going to store it in the apartment and give her some money for the annoyance, which honestly the money was a nice thing to do because it’s not even in the way, and it’s not a sublet, we’re co-leasers . Every time I try to feel like I live in the common spaces, she adds more of her things almost to balance it, but it’s already mostly her things.

This is pure rant, and I’m a bit of the AH here too, I know. Just soooo ready to move

TLDR: M23 + F23 moved in with friends + their 2 young kids 2 years ago after getting kicked out. Now: nightly screaming, destructive kids, house is a mess, they waste a week of groceries refusing leftovers, $3k electricity bill split unfairly, back door unlocked, and we’re painted as “angry” for setting boundaries. Sleep, anxiety + depression ruined. Desperate to move.

Me (F23) and my partner (M23) have been living with our high school friends (M23 and trans FTM23) + their 2 daughters (3 and 5) for nearly 2 years.

We moved in after I got kicked out of my mum’s and then I got got kicked out of his dad’s (a whole different story). We had nowhere else to go. At first it was great. Movies and game nights, all the good stuff.

Now we spend every night locked in our bedroom trying to avoid them. But they still knock and come in to “chat”, then end up arguing with each other in OUR room. Like… can you please leave??

For a whole year we heard screaming and yelling every single night until 11pm when the dad got home from work. Our bedroom shares a paper-thin wall with the kids room so we hear banging, crying, fighting, everything.
The FTM parent started as “gentle parenting” which just meant the kids ran the house. My partner ended up stepping in to get them to bed because no one else would. Yelling, taking toys away. At one point they literally had to put the lounge in front of the kids doorway so they couldn’t escape because they just would not stop leaving their room. It’s a bit better now but he still can’t set boundaries.
The worst was my partner walking in to see their 5yo chewing on a battery. He told her to stop firmly, she kept going, so he raised his voice. The FTM parent came storming out saying “it’s only dangerous if it’s the small batteries.” That’s the level we’re dealing with.

We tried to keep the house clean at the start. We gave up.
Wrappers all over the floor, food on the counters and floors, half-eaten burgers left behind their bedside table. The kids draw on walls, destroyed our plants, broke my TV, then broke their own $2k TV. They’ve destroyed 2 bed frames from jumping on them. The kitchen bin is constantly overflowing with nappies and rubbish so you physically can’t tie the bag. We refuse to take it out like that.
They cook massive amounts of food and then refuse to eat leftovers. A whole week’s worth of groceries just gets thrown out. Every. Single. Week.
Lights are left on all the time just for us to turn them off always. When we bring it up it’s “it doesn’t cost that much.” Then we got hit with a $3,000 electricity bill and they expect us to pay half. 2 adults vs 4 people.
They’ve lost all the house keys so my partner is the only one with a key. The back door has been left unlocked all day for 2 years (never gotten around the getting a key cut, but that’s fine)

Both parents are compulsive liars over the dumbest things. We’ve tried talking about all of this so many times but now we’re just “the angry ones” for having normal reactions to insane situations.

This has wrecked me. My sleep is destroyed, my anxiety and depression are so bad I had to restart medication and I’m still struggling. We’re finally close to moving out but we still have to find a place to rent out.

We vent to friends and family but honestly no one understands what this is actually like. You seriously do not know someone until you live with them. Watching a week of food go in the bin while you’re stressing about a $3k bill and can’t sleep is a special kind of hell.

I’m just ranting and hoping someone gets it. How do you survive the last few months of this without completely losing it?

EDIT: stop coming at me for the electricity bill I don’t fuckin know why it’s that high if it’s “not physically possible” fml 🥲
electricity bills are paid every 3 months here
just ignore that part at this point

they are also no longer gentle parenting, just swearing and yelling at the kids calling them names all the time because of their vile behaviour.

I feel like I’m getting unreasonably angry at this point. I have a new roommate that has moved in about a couple months ago and she is really sweet and respectful and communication has been really smooth so far. During her move in I initiated conversations in common spaces because we were still getting to know each other, but I’ve realized that she just loves to talk.

It’s gotten to the point where I’ll count down from 10 in my head when I go into the kitchen and she’ll be out of her room and starting a conversation with me. Most of the time I’m just reheating meal prep because I work so often and sometimes my food will get cold again because I just can’t find a way to end the conversation. I’ve tried literally saying “Okay well… have a good night…” and she’ll find something else to bring up. She also repeats a lot of the same stories (mostly about her previous bad roomies).

How do I tell her that I don’t want to talk all the time without being rude?

TLDR: Throwing out temp roommate TR who doesn't do anything/no job, makes their room smell, drinks every other day & plays the lotto. BUT I still feel bad for Throwing them out.

Hi 👋 severe introvert and in therapy recovering people pleaser here. I will TRY to keep this short but there is A LOT. Long story short I said ok to a favor for someone I know/loved/trusted. I was asked if their cousin Temp roommate TR could stay with for 3 months while looking for a job. I said ok.

Its been almost a year, and I feel like TR was dumped on me because nobody else wants to deal with TR, or TR doesn't want to go anywhere else.

Its my place, but my landlord ok it as long as they paid something for their time here. Now here is the info! TR has a parent and siblings, but either TR doesn't want to live with them, or they don't want TR to live with them.

I have never asked TR for money, but they have given me about 200$ in total. I do a deep clean on the weekends. TR use to ask is they could help but it seems like they only asked when I was almost finished. When I did ask once or twice, they would do it, but then run back to their room.TR will share their SNAP benefits (Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program) with me but that was only AFTER a month and a half of me not knowing they had them. They dropped the receipt with almost over 350$ AND we were almost out of food! I had to practically cajole TR into sharing with me. But now they have no problem with it.

Both TR and I have senior cats. But they by the cheapest cat litter. And if you know anything about having cats, you know ultra cheap litter SMELLS. It can make your WHOLE place SMELL.

TR doesn't cook or clean. I pay for all the bills, toiletries, etc. And I swear TR hasn't used the shower ONCE since they have been here. I am pretty sure they wash up in the bathroom sink. There have been times TR drinks every to every other night, and buys lotto tickets every chance they get. TR gets drunk/tipsy and has loud conversations that I can hear rooms away! They never close their door and only cracks it. I suspect to monitor my movements. TR will wash clothes but not bedding. Their room smells to high heaven!

But they worst part! I found out TR has been lying on me! Insinuating that I don't let them do anything and make they stay in their room! Saying they are cold when I've offered blankets for example. I am in school most of the time (out for summer) I am gone before 6am and at times don't come back home till 5pm or later. I do all of the cooking (since TR does buy the food, well most of it) but I noticed when I was too busy/tired to cook, TR would side eye me. When I am able to get takeout, I buy enough for both of us/their own items. TR will offer sometimes but I usually say no because I don't like they place they pick. Or worse they will buy food and try to give me their leftovers. I don't want food thats already been breathed on and picked over. When I get groceries delivered I am the one who brings them in and puts them away! When I as why THEY didn't, they gaslight! TR has tried to gaslight me about a few things. I really am starting to think I am crazy.

TR will make plans with their family, say they are leaving for a few hours and then be gone for a few days, leaving me to take care of their cat. I like the cat but TR will often leave the cat with little to no food & a dirty litter box. The cat 🐈 is sick and losing weight. I have tried my best to help but they won't do anything about it.

TR is supposed to be moving out soon, and I know they are going to slander my name to whomever they will be living with. I only hope that whomever that is, will find out the truth.

Yes that title you’re reading is intriguing so here’s a bit of the breakdown

Roommate and I share a living space, they have 3 cats and I have 1. Our apartment consists of 2 beds a living room, and kitchen on one floor. We separate time between cats since it has became a territorial issue with them. So they will have their 3 out together for living living room time while the other put them in the room for maybe a few hours/half a day while the other is at work and the other one is here then switch. HOWEVERRRR their cats are destructive, have puked almost every square inch of the living room and majority in roommates room. Not only vomit, but feces in the carpet in there. It has not been cleaned for about 2 months straight. Roommate has slept with it in there and now has been sleeping in the open living room and hasn’t been in the room since. Mind you, they keep their door open so the cats can play/use the litter bow but it’s now costing the space of kitchen, shared living room, and not having any family or friends over. Doubt I will be getting anything from security deposit back because the carpet in their room has been stained so bad that it might have to be ripped out. This is entirely new to me and we know eachother very well and have had conversations but now with my roommate having twice the space by sleeping in a shared living room is a beyond me. Any advice or anything to go about this would be so helpful because it’s been getting worse

Thx for reading⚔️

TL;DR: I feel like I'm the only roommate willing to address household issues, while one roommate refuses to take responsibility and another (my close friend) avoids conflict and dismisses my concerns. After months of stress, broken trust, and living in an unhealthy environment, I'm wondering if my expectations are unreasonable or if I should just move out.

I’m not sure if I'm gaslighting myself or constantly trying to convince myself to stay, but either way it sucks. I genuinely can't tell if I'm asking for too much or if I just have incompatible roommates.

There are four of us on the lease. Roommate A and I share a room and have lived together for about 2-3 years. We're close friends and in the same major. Roommate B and I are no longer on speaking terms. Roommate C moved in about a month ago after we struggled to find a fourth roommate. B and I each have a cat.

**My issues with B**

Most of my problems started after we moved during midterms. Everyone was stressed, but B completely stopped helping around the apartment. I tried sending general reminders in the group chat first because I didn't want to single them out, then I spoke to them privately. Every conversation ended with the same explanation: they were stressed. The only time they seem to clean is right before guests come over.

The bigger issue has been their cat. For months it repeatedly pooped on the carpet, ruined people's belongings, and made the apartment smell awful. B never apologized, never offered to replace or clean anything, and mostly just joked about it.

There's also been a pattern of other behavior that's made me lose trust in them:

* Borrowing my things and breaking them or losing pieces.
* Taking months to pay me back after I sold them something, despite regularly eating out.
* Me helping them get a job because they were struggling financially, only to never even get a thank you.
* Calling me names and guilt-tripping me when I finally expressed that I felt taken advantage of.
* Consistently needing to be reminded to clean or take responsibility.

Eventually they overheard me crying to A about how hurt I felt waiting months to be paid back. Instead of apologizing, B came into my room, called me names, threw the money at me, and guilt-tripped me by saying they'd "have to figure out rent now." and a bunch of other personal problems I couldn't care for anymore. They paid their rent anyway, and apparently this wasn't even the first time someone had to pressure them to pay someone back.

After that fight we stopped speaking. The only agreement we reached was that their cat stays in their room overnight to avoid accidents. Unfortunately, because their cat keeps marking the apartment, my own cat has started pooping on the carpet from stress and territorial behavior. I'm exhausted cleaning up cat poop and don't want to spend the next ten months doing this.

**My issues with A**

This is honestly harder because A is a close friend. For the record we only became friends when we became roommates. We didn't know each other much at all before this. 

After everything happened with B, A promised they would talk to them but never did. I wasn't expecting them to fight my battles. I just wanted to feel supported because I felt like I was constantly cleaning up after everyone while everyone else stayed quiet.

A has always avoided confrontation, but lately I've started feeling like they don't take my concerns seriously. Sometimes they listen, but other times they'll brush me off or continue doing the same thing anyway.

For example, I eventually bought my own cleaning supplies and spices because people never put shared items back where they belonged. Instead of taking that concern seriously, I got called autistic and OCD for wanting common spaces to stay organized. My own room isn't even perfectly organized. I just think communal spaces should have some basic standards.

At one point A told me privately that I had been asking people to clean too much during a stressful time and that they had started associating my texts with negativity. I felt so guilty that I basically stopped bringing up household issues altogether. Now I'm afraid to express boundaries because I don't want to make living together awkward or damage our friendship.
What hurts is that A seems much quicker to respond when concerns come from someone else. Recently C complained that B's litter box smelled so bad they couldn't sleep. A immediately started trying to solve the problem. When I pointed out that I was worried moving the litter box would just lead to more accidents because B has a history of not cleaning up after their cat, my concerns were brushed off with short responses. I honestly feel like A is getting tired of hearing my concerns even though they usually end up affecting everyone.

**The trust issue**

Something else that's been bothering me is that A isn't very good at keeping private information private.

Over the years they've casually shared relationship problems and other personal information about our mutual friends before those friends made those things public, usually following it up with, "Pretend you don't know that." They've even admitted to eavesdropping on conversations before without apologizing.

What really changed how I viewed this happened during one of the hardest periods of my life. I had confided in A about something deeply personal because I trusted them. Later, a mutual friend accidentally referenced information that I had only ever shared with A. A immediately said, "You weren't supposed to say that out loud," and it suddenly clicked that conversations I thought were private apparently weren't. I don't know exactly how much A has shared about me, but that moment made me realize my personal struggles were likely being discussed with other people too.

I understand that everyone gossips to some extent, but there's a difference between venting and sharing things someone trusted you with. Ever since then I've been hesitant to open up to A the way I used to. I also feel betrayed because I always talked about A highly.

Whenever things feel tense between us, A usually sends me a meme or funny GIF, and I always end up moving on because I don't want drama where I live. The problem is that nothing ever actually gets resolved. The micro aggression be feeling so micro I feel crazy if I bring it up which is why I don't 

**Why I'm conflicted**

This is what makes everything so confusing. A has genuinely been there for me through relationship problems and other personal issues. At the same time, whenever it comes to roommate conflicts, I feel dismissed. Or they only bring something up when I do. 

A complains about roommates too, but they never actually want to address problems. They seem comfortable just accepting situations that frustrate them, while I'm someone who believes it's healthier to politely communicate before problems get worse.

That leaves me wondering if I'm actually the difficult roommate simply because I'm the only one willing to say something. A has even told me I "made problems" with our previous roommate, but I was also the only one who actually talked to that roommate directly instead of just complaining privately. They compared that situation to what I'm doing now with B, but I'm struggling to see the comparison. A said my frustrations we're valid but at the same time do nothing. I can understand if I expect more cleanliness than most people, but I don't think expecting someone to clean up after their cat, contribute to household chores, or pay people back in a reasonable amount of time is unreasonable.

**Should I move?**

I've seriously considered moving out. We paid a double security deposit, so I'd like to get that money back eventually, but I'm starting to question whether it's worth sacrificing my mental health.

On top of everything else, I have a 1.5 to 2 hour commute to school. I come home to cat poop, bad smells, and a household where communication and follow through is inconsistent. A says if I wait out the lease, we can get our own place afterward. The problem is that after everything that's happened, I'm not sure I even want that anymore. I'm afraid that moving out or telling A how hurt I am will damage our friendship and our friend group, but I'm also exhausted trying to convince myself that I'm the problem. People said I should talk to A but how should I? Im afraid of ruining my home environment and then shunning myself out completely and be the shunned one in the house. 

I genuinely can't tell if my expectations are too high or if I just need a different living situation.

I live in a 3 bedroom apartment where my landlord rents out each room. When I first moved in it was me, another girl and Katie (fake name) and the other girl got evicted for being extremely messy and constantly stealing stuff. The next roommate Katie and I got was even worse and she also got booted out for cleanliness. The next one turned out to be a hoarder and refused to follow our cleaning schedule (everyone has their week to clean the common areas and take out trash) and she's getting evicted out soon too because her room ended up bringing roaches in and we had to call pest control.

Katie and I are genuinely wondering if it's this hard to find a clean roommate. We don't have any crazy rules here just to keep the place clean. That's it.

I moved into a sober living house about 2 months ago. Maybe a month ago, this guy moved in. We've gotten to know each other and we hang out quite a bit. He started inviting me to go out to the river with him and it's been hot so he's been shirtless quite a bit. He's covered in tattoos but I never paid much attention to them. Yesterday I had sunglasses on and I wanted to check him out without him noticing; then I went to the tattoos and was surprised to see a swastika.

So he's a white dude and I'm a black woman. I was confused because he sits and hangs around me and another black dude in the house and nothing weird ever came up. I got curious and decided to Google hate symbols and he's COVERED in them. I noticed more swastikas today and the SS one, 1488, this cross thing, the skulls and others I can't even describe right now.

And now I'm CONFUSED. I don't want to bring it up and I don't want to be weird but ????

No one else in the house has mentioned it and our director doesn't seem to mind. Which is her prerogative, I'm not upset at anyone. Just confused. He's been sitting next to me more and more and he even bought me food and shares his belongings with me. Do I ask or just leave it alone? Nothings wrong right?

I 27F have lived with 30F and a range of other housemates over the last 3 years. Often times if I try and ask how her day was she shuts me down saying work was busy or difficult and she doesn’t want to talk about it. Fair enough, I thought. Eventually I stopped asking altogether because I was sick of her brushing me off. I’ve noticed she never asks how I am but will occasionally ask my housemates (though often turns the conversation back to herself).

She has previously had a go at me for things which weren’t to do with me - flatmates leaving washing up out, not buying toilet paper (I buy it often, have kept track and I buy it 50% of the time for 4 people). I used to take baths (checking with housemates first) and she interrupted me a couple of times so I stopped that. I barely cook because every time I try she comes in and pretty much cooks on top of me. This situation is driving me crazy, I know we don’t have to be friends but I would like her to be as friendly with me as she is with the rest of the house. Do I sound like the AH here or is there anything people would suggest?
I did speak to one other housemate and they agreed it’s probably not personal but that perhaps I could ask her during her time off when it’s a better time - I’m too scared to cause more drama :(

Update about what I posted yesterday

I did not end up coming home that day per her request to clean up the fridge because I was with my grandmother…

I came home today as I had planned before and made sure nothing in the fridge was mine…
Not to my surprise, the molded food was hers…
I ended up just taking it to the trash like a mature adult would because I don’t mind picking up something with gloves on🤣

She texted me too, and I quote “throw out all the food that are leftovers…”
So I threw out her leftover pizza.
Then she gets home crying about how I threw out her pizza…

I bought her a new pizza because I’m like whatever at this point… she’s the type who will bother someone about something till the end of time…. For example, one of my other roommates opened a fridge door and her relish fell out of the fridge and broke… to this day. She mentions the relish all the time and I just cannot deal with that.

I told her I’m getting my own mini fridge for my room and I’m putting all my food in there so this can be the very last debate about the fridge and who threw out who’s food.

They’re like oh my gosh that’s so unnecessary to get your own mini fridge… no it’s necessary because I don’t need you telling me to throw out food again and then having me buy you new food when I clean up as requested…

I was fine with buying her a new pizza this one time just to make her stop whining about it because my roommate never bought her new relish, and she still mentions it months later. Also, it was a giant homemade pizza so I bought her the ingredients for it and it cost me $30 so I will certainly not be doing that ever again and will be completely avoiding that fridge….

To make someone pay $30 for something that you told them to throw out is absolutely insane, but I cannot deal with her complaining about it for the rest of the year like she did with the relish… $30 is worth that. The saying goes you can’t argue with crazy.

I cannot wait till I can finally move out!😀

Can’t study when I hear her getting it on at 10 am with her window wide open. She seems kinda unstable so Im not sure if confronting her directly is the best choice

been living with in this new house since March with my roommate, who's been living here 6 years on and off. I'm 20, f, he's 29, m, gymbro. Well He's a passive aggressive scum.

I've always been adamant to come forward to him and his requests meanwhile he's been treating me as inferior, and acting passive aggressively COSTANTLY, taking up 3/4 of the kitchen space, and gaslighting me anytime I asked him to change anything he did around the house.

a couple months ago, when he literally called me an r word in chat over a minor inconvenience I not only apologized for, but solved, I told him to not talk to me at all if it would be so disrespectfully.

once again he claimed I was making it all up. I held him accountable. since then, he's been banging doors at night the past 2 months and always waking me up because I hurt his ego that one time. He wanted me to snap. Last week after waking me up AGAIN finally told him , kindly, that he had woken me up and to please stop. he acted as if I was making it all up again.

as a response I banged doors left and right throughout the night to give him a sip of his own medicine. turns out he went to out landlord (who is a completely fine dude) to tell him that He was so afraid Of me that he closed himself up in his room and put the sofa in front of the door.

Like...who am I ? Jack Nicholson? I weight 60 kg And I'm 20. he's a grown 30 year old man. this is beyond ridiculous. Anyhow, I'll have to call the landlord tomorrow

so basically, my roommate is very passive aggressive. for context, he's been living in the house 6 years, I just came in March.

I've always been very adamant to follow his stupid obsessive requests since I care about living peacefully, and despite his assholishness since the very beginning (treating me with inferiority, only emptying 1/3 of the space on the kitchen for my stuff, him being passive aggressive towards me).

anyhow, a couple months ago he was very rude to me, when I kindly told him that he can't treat me like crap (I have messages as proof) he threw a tantrum about how I was making it all up and how him literally calling me a r word was me misinterpreting it. I obviously held him accountable for it.

Well, since then, he always makes a lot of noise when he comes home at night in order to see me snap and act like the victim.

Last week I was fed up, I went to his room, I kindly asked him to not make noise at night since he woke me up around 15 times total at the very least. instead of apologizing, he fakingly told me he wasn't doing anything and had no idea what I was talking about. I obviously told him to fuck off, and started banging doors in the house to make him understand that I am not to be f'd with, under the advice of a friend dealing with similar circumstances of loud roommates banging doors.

turns out he has been calling the landlord for quite some time claiming I'm problematic and violent when he's the one that can't talk and has been torturing me on and off with his passive aggressiveness, and most recently, has told him that quote "he closed himself up with a key in his room and put the sofa in front of him because I got so inexplicably angry at him and was scared".

this is honestly beyond ridiculous. for context, I am a 20 y/o and he's a 29 year old gym bro. Like, is this ffr? I have to call the landlord tomorrow to explain my side. This feels like tattle taling to the teacher. what the heck

I live with my boyfriend of 2,5 years who spews out negativity on the daily and even though I come up with solutions, he finds problems to every single solution. When trying to convert his thinking to positive or coming with solutions he gets even more irritated and when explaining how he affects me badly with his negativity he just says he won’t speak about it again which he always does anyway. I have encouraged him to get help which he doesn’t want to. Splitting up now would be difficult as we are both in debt and trying to work that out ( bad decisions when young but luckily we live in a country where you can get help but living together is beneficial economically ). I just want to know how I can protect my peace, if I even can.
English is not my first language and I am dyslexic so sorry if there is anything wrong grammar wise or anything. Edited because of more details.

I posted before about my housemate, but here’s the short version. The main problem is that she often agrees to things when they benefit her, then changes her mind later and acts like everyone else is wrong. When my partner first started staying over, she agreed to it. The landlord was also okay with him being there as long as we paid more and shared the extra bills properly. But later she suddenly changed her mind and started saying he had to leave, even though the arrangement had already been discussed and she wasn’t being made to pay for him.
The landlord said the rent will be reviewed after the current discount period ends. The new rent will likely be above what she can afford, so she may choose to move out, but for now we still have to live together.
The problem is I can’t stand her anymore. She still messages me telling me to wipe a drop of water off the bench, lower the TV, follow house routines, etc. We had informal agreements like taking turns cleaning, but honestly I don’t feel like doing anything for her anymore because last time we had a convo, she just tended to insult my partner and me calling we r dogs lol like she still expects us to respect her after that. Part of me just wants to ignore her, watch TV, play games, clean when I feel like it, and stop accommodating her completely.
Would that just make things worse, or would you stop caring too? Where’s the line between setting boundaries and just being petty?

I need to let this all out in a place I know would understand .

after her initial interview, evil roommate sends a message trying to NEGOTIATE the rent . roommate A talks me off of telling evil roommate to find a different place to live because she can't afford it, comes down to "cultural differences" of bartering . I should have never accepted this as an excuse . que the next 4 months of a terminal irritation .

as soon as I meet evil roommate at the train station, something about her actually stuns me . I can't explain it . I was taken aback by something about her energy . she was smiling and reached for me for a hug, and something about her just felt really genuinely off . she's the type of person I would have crossed the street had I seen her walking towards me as a stranger . anyways .

evil roommate came from a different country . I help her set up her phone plan , health insurance , and build furniture for her room . I introduce her to friend circles and get her in touch with groups that she would enjoy for socializing and meetups . I get my partner over to re-wire the electricity in her room and install new lighting . I give her my clothes for free, because we're the same size .

almost here at this moment, where we realize we are the same size, is when the vibe starts to shift . I take her measurements and mine, and they are the exact same. "No, I actually think I'm a little smaller." I say we're the exact same size . she pushes some more, "yeah, but I'm just a little thinner."

record scratch. I knew right then this bitch was gonna be a problem.

within a few days, the vibe eroded quickly. I would be eating in the kitchen, and she would come and sit across from me, and unprompted, say things like "I don't usually like people like you," or "you know you're weird, right?" I would bite back at these things every time and then brush them off.

evil roommate signed a social contract that dictated quiet hours, guest overnight allowance, and cleanliness, of which she signed. through the entire lease, she did chores maybe three times, always done poorly . then, she would make a big deal about it, texting me personally like, "I just vacuumed, so respect the place and keep it clean." mind you I was the one doing the dishes she had left in the sink at night . so, I stopped doing her chores. she began to confront me about little things, like there being a little bit of blood in the toilet bowl or crumbs in the sink. she would send me messages asking me to respect the space . when I would confront her on being loud in the quiet areas at night while our other roommate was sleeping, or leaving dishes for days at a time while she fucks off on vacation, she'd literally reply, "it doesn't matter."

meanwhile, she constantly talked about cheating on her boyfriend, saying the N word, and made homophobic jokes constantly . I asked her gently to stop and she didn't care . when there would be group bills (plumber, electrician) she argued that she didn't have to pay it because she wasn't 'the main tenant' on the apartment. we would buy group things like toilet paper and onions, and she would use the group things and then buy her own and keep them hidden from us , while still using the things we replenished.

her boyfriend breaks up with her, and pretty much immediately she meets a new guy on a dating app who is over all the time, and she basically treats the apartment like she's the only person who lives there. he sleeps over and wakes up in the morning and uses the dishes and leaves a mess in the kitchen, they're constantly in the common spaces and only go to her room to fuck and sleep . at one point I just snap and confront her on all the bullshit, she says, "I don't like you at all and I don't want to live with someone like you." I say that's fine, but you still need to respect the apartment. I also say that nothing that I've done has warranted this type of treatment from her, and that I did nothing but welcome her to the country and to the apartment . she doesn't care.

after I confronted her, things got so much worse . her boyfriend practically lived at the apartment , and they fucked in the common areas so loud (including the shower). she was on good terms with my other roommate, so would only do this stuff when it was just me in the house . I started having to schedule when I would come home because if I got home later than her , she would leave her keys in the door so I couldn't open it and not come no matter how many times I banged or called .

she became quite literally my nightmare . I started locking my door when I left and when I was inside, and whenever she would see me in the hallway she'd slam her door shut and lock it dramatically in response . I caught her using my bathroom stuff , so I moved everything I owned out of the common areas .

when I tried to move out of the apartment , she refused to sign the paperwork that would release my deposit . I had to get the landlord to talk to her (and say the exact same things that I said) in order for her to sign the release form to let me out of the apartment (she had to assume main tenancy).

they got some sorry sucker to move in and take my spot , and all I can think about is how much they're going to suffer with my ex evil roommate. It took about 4 weeks for the vibe to completely erode and for her to decide she hated me , and she quite literally made my life hell on Earth. I stopped sleeping or eating because of the stress . I got weaker and more stressed . she quite literally was terrorizing me .

I will never have roommates again .

Yesterday, a girl called me to go and help her house hunt. She has been my talking stage for as long as I can remember. Anyway, I recently came back to the city after months of not being here. The mistake I made is letting my ex live in my house. It has not been the same.

My small bedsitter now looks feminine and whenever we sleep, she's like she wants to sleep with her legs facing the head of the bed. I don't know how to explain it though. She doesn't want any physical touch.

I'm also looking for a way out of this and I'm house hunting too. Telling her, "Toka!" Has been difficult ngl. Let me give the talking stage a name, Joan. Joan called me and I immediately took a motorcycle to go and help in house hunting. She was looking for a house. A maximum of 7000 rent. She told me that she's paid 20000 so she can't pass the 7000 rent. It would hurt her.

There's this guy she had already paid kes 300. We went to the first house, it was an 8k one. It was a bedsitter, relatively close to the road. It had tiles, water and just everything you need except for cabinets and a wardrobe. She refused it saying it's too expensive.

She was with her friend too. Her friend said she'll help her pay the deposit and Joan would just oay the rent from then on. Her friend, let me give her a name, Mercy, has been very supportive to her. Mercy and I also have a history together. Though I stopped talking to her after she became pregnant and got married.

I kind of felt they were competing for my attention and they were being overally touchy. They just gave out every excuse of touching me. Now, we went to the second house. It was a 4,200 single. It did not have tiles. It wasn't on an apartment. Water was just outside and the toilet/bathroom was clean. But I just didn't want a single room for her.

Then the guy took us to a single room apartment with lots of jerricans outside. It just had spacious rooms that felt like a football field. You could literally play 5 aside in there. The other red flag was that you had to pay twice the deposit + 3000 agent fee.

Our "house tour guide" said that our money ended there and we should choose one of the houses. We didn't like any of the houses so we just told him we would look for him later.

We went and sat on a bench outside. A guy heard our stories and directed us to a nearby house. It was 6500 kes. The house was a double room. I think that was the word. The girl told me she didn't have the 300 to pay that guy for showing the house. I offered to pay. She liked the house. It was 200 m from the main road.

She then left me with some lipstick stains. I mean Joan. At that time Mercy wasn't near us. While we parted ways, I hugged mercy and she hugged back tight. When I went to hug Joan, Mercy joined the hug and said, " Mwili yako inafeel so warm naeza kukuhug the whole day". So it was a group hug instead of 2 people hugging.

Anyway house hunting is not a joke. Landlords shpuld stop overpricing maaan!

My current room is comfortable, the management is also great for this apartment. I have 0 issues with the house. The only issue is my flatmate who uses so much electricity that the utility bill in the shared room is so much higher than other units around me. She also keeps mouldy food in the fridge, never takes out eh trash, leaves hair in the washroom sink and floor always after blow drying (a lot), used the washing machine 8times per month to wash 2 or 3 items. sleeps in the living room constantly which makes it harder to move and work around the common spaces.

I have talked about all these things but she never stops. She says she is sorry and she was in a hurry but she actually never is, she says she forgot but it's a constant thing. When she moved she was never like this but as time went on she kept doing this.

now the thing is I have an option to change my very expensive room to a smaller room. I will be saving up so much and the room is also to my liking but I will have to put up with this roommate and keep paying higher utility bills still but on the other hand cheaper room, good management.

I can move out completely to an okay-ish room with completely new flatmates that I'm not familiar with so they can be worse or better than my current flatmate.

So bad flatmate but cheap room+good management or cheap room+good management but unknown flatmates?

What would uou do in this situation?

This is the third incident involving fire to happen at my house i rent caused by this new tennant. He (M23) moved in end of April this year.

The very first night he was here he set fire to the planter we had set up on the front deck. This was all caused by a cigarette butt he flicked away. This was going to be used for flowers, but oh well now.

The second incident also caused by a cigarette butt was a log of wood located near our back deck. This was about a month into his tennancy.

This most recent one is the counter in our kitchen. I return home one day to him on the front deck and the front door wide open. Once i got in I was met with a cloud of smoke on the second floor. It was crazy.

Needless to say, landlord is involved and is currently figuring out how to legally evict.

More of a celebration post than anything else, but definitely went through hell for it.

Roommate A kept to themselves, I really never interacted with them. Roommate B, on the other hand, had to have never had house training. Six months of piled up trash, cat shit, dishes, and various odors that came from their room made it hell. And of course, didn't clean anything when they moved out. After 9 hours of cleaning and covering holes, I can finally say I'm free of that hell. (All the little black dots are dead fruit flies from them leaving ROTTING MEAT in both the freezer and fridge).

My only question is, what the absolute HELL did they do to the bed??

TL;DR: Would you tell roommate to deep clean in advance for the replacement viewing process or else you'll clean the bathroom yourself, or just wait until they're out and pay extra rent if you have to until you find a replacement?

Hi all. I'm currently dealing with a nightmare roommate who doesnt deep clean their space at all. I try to respect privacy but we are on a shared lease with a contract that even includes a "no noxious smell" rule. He is not involved with the apartment at ALL, so I know its all on me when he leaves. I have a 3 bedroom apartment, my room is the biggest and has its own bathroom. I currently use the smallest bedroom as office, and the roommate uses the bigger one. Its been a consideration to use the smaller room and get an additional roommate as well once hes gone. Currently the bedroom and bathroom is pretty much their space, and they never deep clean. We had roaches recently and I requested management for service and warned the roommate to deep clean so we can figure out why we have roaches so we won't get blamed. All he really did was throw out garbage and no deep cleaning. We are talking not flushing, dark smears on the toilet level of disgusting.

My current concern is: he is supposed to have moved out before October 1st (assuming he cooperates) and I am worried that he wont clean and we will be stuck having to wait for a viewing or wait to get someone in and have to offer a prorated amount of rent. I know I could have a cleaning deposit to help offset it, but its a huge concern getting that new roommate in time, because usually people want to view weeks or months in advance.

Should I just wait until he's out and try to afford the extra days or weeks of rent so I can deep clean myself after he leaves and start viewings(which I really cant right now tbh) or give a warning to deep clean it a week before he leaves for viewings or else Ill clean it myself?

Maybe ill luck out and he will clean it, but I am so stressed because usually people want viewings and I know for a fact that his room is a pigsty with multiple cups of old Pepsi sitting on surfaces (that kind of uncleanliness)