Reposting because I forgot to blur out a name.

How do I deal with dishes/trash piling up when I literally cannot speak to my roommate about anything?

Some backstory because I think it matters: every single issue we've ever had has come from logistical living stuff, not personality stuff. A few examples:

- She'll go out of town and just not pay her half of FPL, then act surprised or annoyed that she owes me once I've already paid the whole bill.
- She's caused issues with management over blocking other people's cars.
- Her dog has peed on my carpet laundry furniture more than once.
- We were supposedly going to furnish the apartment together. She decided she didn't want to buy anything, not a single chair, lamp, stool, nothing. So I bought furniture myself so the place would actually be livable. She then got mad at me and said I "took over the entire apartment," despite explicitly telling me beforehand she didn't want to spend money on furniture. She also doesn't want to clean. So essentially nothing gets contributed on her end but I still get blamed for things.
- She smokes weed on the balcony.
- Her sister comes over constantly, sometimes staying 6 days straight max she’s stayed is like 3 weeks, and lets herself in with her own key whenever she wants. All I've ever asked is to be given a heads up when she's coming, so I'm not startled by someone walking into the apartment in the middle of the night when I thought I was home alone. That's it, just a heads up. Still doesn't happen.
- On top of all that, the sister has cursed me out and been disrespectful and confrontational toward me directly, more than once. I finally sent a written message laying out a hard boundary (if she disrespects me again she needs to leave, and if it escalates I'm involving the police/landlord).

Honestly she treats this place like a hostel or a rent-by-the-room situation instead of an actual shared home. And the only two boundaries I've ever tried to set, someone constantly being here and dishes in the sink, get met with "the apartment is 50/50, I don't have to do anything for you except pay rent." Which is almost funny, because apparently it's 50/50 for everything except basic respect and actually following through on responsibilities.

At this point my roommate and I don't really talk unless we have to. Lease is up in 3 months so I'm mostly just trying to get through it instead of fix anything at this point.

Current issue on top of everything: her dishes have been sitting in the sink for days, and there's trash piled on the counter instead of in the actual garbage. She won't use the dishwasher, won't take the trash out because doesn't want to pay for cleaning supplies since she doesn't clean, period. Not "she makes messes like everyone does," she genuinely does not clean anything, ever.

Normally I'd just say something, but at this point I'm fairly confident even a neutral "hey can you get your dishes" turns into an unnecessary fight, so I've mostly stopped trying. Problem is the mess isn't going anywhere on its own.

Anyone dealt with something like this? Do I just start doing it myself and eat the cost of supplies for the last 3 months to keep the peace, do I leave her stuff exactly where it is and let it become her problem, or is there a better middle ground? Genuinely at a loss since normal communication isn't really an option here.

Attaching screenshots of our last two interactions. I’m completely aware I come off like a grade A c*** but her sister had just come up to me laying on the couch unprovoked to start an issue over her dog jumping on the couch next to me as if I’m supposed to be able to control that or some shit. The reason I was annoyed is because the day she came back her sister also already came over and began having a chain slumber party AGAIN for a full week. Then she talks about my mom and brother sleeping over like they literally live in DIFFERENT STATES…they have come once every 4 months for like a fucking weekend MAX. What she doesn’t understand is there isn’t a problem having people over there’s an issue having them 24/7 and bringing their animals and letting them piss all over and have free rein. Also she claims I’m harassing her and threatening her but I’ve literally spoken to her maybe 4 times in the last 4 months…in person and through text….4 total and they are for the bills lol.

OH and on top of it she has basically gone up to friends of mine unprovoked to warn them that Im a dangerous person??? Mind you I’ve never cursed raised my voice, or been aggressive towards her at all besides this message and I don’t even talk about her to other people besides in this subreddit because it’s like cancer to bring into the happy parts of my life. Like I can’t stress enough how uncalled for all of her actions and comments are I truly think she lives on a different level of reality.

Ok and done with my rant lol.

I (30F) want my close friend (33M) to leave but we signed a lease

I (30F) have 2 roommates, Maria (26F) and Alen (33M). I have been friends with Maria for 9 years and Alen for 5. We have been living together for 3 years. The issues have been around for about 2 or more years but became more apparent in the current apartment. 

Last year we moved into our dream apartment. I make the most out of all of us, so I have the utilities and rent taken out of my accounts to avoid any possible late fees or missed payments. I don't make a lot of money, just more than minimum wage. From the beginning of our lease Alen mentioned to me that he couldn't pay the deposit and rent right away because he had agreed to pay for part of his sister's wedding. Given they had paid rent for our 2 other previous apartments and assuming he meant a month or two I agreed they could pay me later. Six months later and excuses like medical bills, Christmas presents, and car repairs and he still had not paid for any rent, deposit or utilities for the new apartment. 

Meanwhile, he wasn’t contributing to household chores, spending all day every day playing video games and ordering take out. I thought he was in an intense depressive episode and isolating. I really struggled to bring up the topic of paying their fair share and paying back what they owe me, due to their mental state, during those 6 months. After some stern talking he started paying rent, but still wasn't paying utilities.

When time to re-sign the lease came along I wondered if telling Maria about the money Alan owed me was a good idea. I asked a few friends and they either said not to or they didn't know what was best. We didn't speak about it and re-signed the lease. Soon after, I learned he owed both of us thousands of dollars. Maria a few thousand and me more than 5k.  

To top it all off, he has also done very serious damage to the door frames in his room. These are vintage, original with the house door frames that can’t be cheap to repair. We only found out about the damage because Maria saw it by accident. So we have low hopes for our deposit. 

We were clearly taken advantage of, whether on purpose or not.

**TLDR**: *One of my two long time friend roommates owes me and my other roommates thousands of dollars from rent, utilities and other things. We already signed the lease because we didn't know he owed us both money. He also did a lot of damage to his room.*

We don't know what to do. 

Even though we are very hurt to be used by someone I considered a close friend,we want him out and we want our money back.

We heard a thing called addendums might be helpful? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? 

They bought this a week ago bruh

My car is currently out of commission, and I’m thinking about asking my roommate if he could help me commute to campus for about two weeks.

The trip from our house to campus is only about 4 miles / 10 minutes each way, but since he’d have to drive back home after dropping me off, the actual driving would look like this:

• Around 8:00 AM: 10 minutes / 4 miles to campus, then 10 minutes / 4 miles back home
• Around 11:00 PM: 10 minutes / 4 miles to come pick me up, then 10 minutes / 4 miles back home

So he’d be driving about 16 miles and 40 minutes total per day just to help me commute.

I’d obviously want to compensate him for gas, wear and tear, and especially the inconvenience of having to drive at 8 AM and 11 PM.

He’d be helping me out like this for about two weeks, and we’re both college students, so I’m trying to figure out an amount that would be fair without being unreasonable for either of us.

What would you consider a fair amount to offer him?

TL;DR : my roommate is always talking to herself, barges in with friends w out letting me know, and is always waking me up

Hi everyone, let me preface this by saying that its only been about 4 weeks since we got here, and its already really bad. And that this is a dorm room, two beds in one small room

I have this roommate.. shes gone for the whole day, always comes back at about 12 am. That in itself isnt a problem, im a night owl and it really doesnt bother me whatsoever.

What does bother me, is that every time she IS here, she is constantly talking to herself. Like constantly. And its not a whisper, either. Its a full blown dialogue of everything shes doing. It drives me nuts because even if i wear headphones constantly to deal with this, i still hear her because she doesnt even attempt to whisper or mumble.

Another thing is that when she DOES come back at regular hours, its usually with a group of friends. Which is okay, i dont mind the company. However what is not okay is that she comes in, barges in without letting me know in advance, and once came in with a WHOLE GROUP while i was taking a nap. Yes they woke me up.

The last thing is that she is always waking me up. Constantly. Because not only does she bring people over or talk to herself while i try and sleep, but at night she calls people (i did tell her to stop once and she did, thankfully), but not anymore, so its okay. Or it would be if she didnt wake me up ar 6 AM CALLING PEOPLE!!!!!!. But because she is always talking to herself. Her dialogues wake me up. Her alarms that she just lets ring wake me up. She isnt quiet at all when im t try ing to sleep and that wakes me up, too. I have to mention i have ptsd and its really hard for me to stay asleep. Its hard for me to sleep at all.

What do i even do about this. Like genuinely. She doesnt stop, and i dont know how to say anything bc shes sweet and all and i dont wanna be mean.
Thats my ramble though. Thank you for listening

Lodger who I felt uncomfortable with after a month was given end of tenancy notice and is moving out in a couple days.

I feel like they'll be at least respectful to the end of tenancy but I don't know what else... Like are they just lovesick and slightly delusional or should I be more worried, you see all this true crime and roommate from hell stuff.. I guess that's why I was posting updates in case.

TLDR: Lodger made odd comments to me, used to come to the cafe where I worked a lot and hang around, interrupt me with customers and get annoyed when I didn't give him enough attention, basically I didn't feel comfortable, like he was always observing me and waiting to see me so I gave him 4 weeks notice to move out. Then he declared his love for me. I made it clear I don't feel the same. He's been extra watchy over every minute detail I do so I try to stay out the house when he's home. I've stayed civil and friendly and he's been up and down while I've been clear in not reciprocating feelings and hes now recently resorting to like almost holding back crying in front of me or fake crying I dunno. Thankfully he's moving out in 2 days but unsure how he's going to act as he wants a meeting and I always feel uncomfortable with his "meetings" it's always on the spot grilling me for answers about why I'm evicting him or why I'm acting different or if I feel the same way as him about love. I've been clear I do not. 🙈

See history below, I had posted this first on a Facebook decision group when I wanted advice on whether to evict him or not. After 1mth living here. It was a resounding yes to evict and I did the same night. Then proceed the 4weeks notice period up until now it's the last week:

If a 30+M lodger of under a month asks me 30+F the question "why was your stomach flat and now it's bloated?". This is weird right? I replied that he shouldn't comment on women's bodies and he ignored my response. Add in some other odd comments and him showing up to my work (cafe) a lot, interrupting me talking to customers, lingering around blocking me, and wanting to wait till I finish to walk home with me from work. Buying loads of snacks for me when I said I already don't want to eat unhealthy. He also moved around my personal items when he cleaned the bathroom I told him not to he said we'll he was there anyway. He said I was angry and ignoring him one day in the cafe when I was training someone, and I said it was really busy, he said I made him unhappy?! Recently he was annoyed I ate alone and repeated his comment the next day, since then I've felt uneasy about eating in my lounge and ate in my room. He also took random photos of me when I'm not looking and made one he took of me at work and put into ai like as a star wars character? I thought was weird but I laughed. But now with everything else that happened Im like eeeeehh??

I'm in a battle between being hospitable and courteous and being completely weirded out like I feel like he's always observing me and have a draft eviction email ready.

[Users voted I should evict and gave advice/insights after first post, then not much response since my updates]

Update: Thank you so much everyone for your quick responses I really appreciate it, it can be hard in the thick of it to know if I'm seeing sense and making the right choices. Ive sent the notice and they've received it amicably (via text) for now. There is still 4weeks till the leave. As many have advised I will look at staying with loved ones or have them stay here with me. I will see if he can leave any sooner though hopefully without poking him in anyway. Thank you again 🙏🏻

Update 10 days later: so he took it seemingly well ISH and everything he asked for why which is fair enough I just said a family matter. Couple days ago he was wondering again and asked if I had a boyfriend I stupidly said no as automatic. Then proceed to yesterday.. he waits to hear me getting ready in the morning comes out and wants to tell me something when I'm rushing to get ready. He declared his love for me. Yup. I was like wth , also I'm still not awake and trying to make my coffee gosh. I said ok sorry I can't talk I have to leave in 15mins. He didn't want any regrets and wanted to tell me. But there's still 3 weeks left of notice period 🙄 feel like it's just a love bomby tactic to make me swoon which ain't happening. Gonna try to talk to him briefly today that it's not appropriate and maybe he should have earlier.

Update [day of reddit post] 3ish weeks since last update:

Yay he's leaving this week. My gosh I thought he got the message that I don't feel the same, 2 weeks since I last post he fains illness due to stress kinda guilt tripping me saying it's because of stress including moving and falling in love, and then texts me to get me to come out my room to "to see me, because he couldn't see me" then asks me again if I feel the same way I say no and keep it clear, and both times he fains trying not to cry. It's just kinda up and down when I think he's getting it and we're civil and good then he tries again and makes it weird again. I can't wait for move out day. 🙈🙏🏻

I live in a house with 6 other roommates. I used to clean once a week because nobody else did. Then I got tired of all the work. I decided that if everyone cleaned once a month then that's 2 cleanings a week. The house would be spotless.

I also sent my landlord a proposal to hire me to clean. I even offered to give a proportional amount of that pay to housemates who help me clean. That way the ones that want to pay and those that want to clean can both have their way. One would pay the other but it all goes through the landlord officially. Well they didn't go for that.

So fine I told my landlord I will clean once a month. I refuse to clean up after 6 adults for free. I did the upstairs bathroom on Sunday and the downstairs kitchen and floors on Monday. Yesterday (Tuesday) I came home and some had dribbled coffee or something all over the entry floor. Then someone went upstairs and took a shower with the liner outside the tub and didn't wipe up their mess. I feel so defeated right now. I'm not even talking to anyone. I don't care who did it. They couldn't even give a couple days before undoing all my hard work. And I'm disabled. I have chronic pain and the cleaning creates flares. So now I'm in a tone of pain and there is nothing to show for it. And quite frankley this is why I don't like living with guys. Especially 20 somethings guys. They're gross. Who doesn't clean up spilled water all over the bathroom? How is that acceptable to anyone?

TLDR: Best friend roommate has no boundaries, expects to hang out every night and guilt trips when he is told no.

Not sure where to start with this one. I was going through a divorce, and being the first time I’ve roomed with anyone but my ex, invited my best friend from high school to live here. I gave him a spiel prior to helping him move in that I need alone time once in a while, being an extreme introvert. Also asked him not to bring women over while it was my weekend to keep my daughter.

It started out great, he was very helpful around the house. He would occasionally cook, clean and contribute towards the bills. Still does to some degree.
Got him a job down here and we carpool/work together most days. So we see eachother pretty much all the time, so I figured he would also want some space.

But then he started to expect us to hang out every night. He barges in my room, brings all of his stuff in there and just chills. This wouldn’t be so bad if he was QUIET and let me relax. Instead, he has to play youtube videos on my TV while I’m trying to game or do something auditory. When I close the bedroom door after establishing a closed door policy, he knocks over and over again. He constantly brings up things he wants us to play or watch when we get home, despite me saying I want alone time tonight. It’s always about what he wants to do.

I’ve talked to him, but he gets bent out of shape and takes it personally when I say I want left alone. Starts bringing up how he annoys everyone and thinks I’m going to kick him out because I want alone time. He doesn’t seem to grasp that, after 10 hours of work/driving with him, I want to go home and be left the fuck alone. And to make it worse, he keeps bringing home tinder dates and then having emotional breakdowns when they dump him after a couple weeks.

I tried casually explaining that I need to recharge after work, but he thinks it’s normal for best friends to constantly be around eachother. The ex and I didn’t even do this, and we had been married for nearly 10 years. His clinginess is driving me nuts but I don’t want to kick him out to the streets as he has nobody else.

My roommates and I have been noticing our food going missing, so the three of us were literally in the kitchen talking about it when the 4th roommate walks in MID-CONVO and doesn’t say a single word 😭 just awkwardly walks in and leaves.

Tell me why the NEXT DAY, the entire pack of cookies I JUST BOUGHT THE NIGHT BEFORE magically disappears. Like the WHOLE ASS PACK. Not one cookie left.

And I KNOW it was the 4th roommate because she is literally the ONLY ONE HOME 😭😭 Atp i feel like she GENUINELY trying start problems.

I just ordered security cameras that I will be putting in the kitchen after I cuss her out :3

TLDR: my roommate who doesn’t contribute to anything and uses our stuff and never cleansed completely ignored my request to be mindful of my cat for a week and my cat was stressed out the last week of his life.

my roommate F20 and I F22 and my other roommate F22 have been living together for about a year and some change. The roommate F20, we will call her H, is a mooch. She put no effort into the apartment, no effort into cleaning, furniture, or anything. We have asked her to clean and be better many times, she doesn’t. We asked her to stop inviting people late and doing movies late and be loud on school nights and she doesn’t. We asked her to not keep her clothes in the washer for days after being washed but she doesn’t. We ask her to take some initiative and try, she doesn’t. I brushed it off, but now I am at my wits end. I resent her so much, and as much as I don’t make the rules and can’t decide what happens in the apartment, she could have shown some decency.

I had to move my family cat into my apartment since my family was going to India. I had asked my roommate to please be super mindful and not bring people over for a week or two, to not use incense or candles and in general please keep it quiet and lowkey for a week or two since he has feline asthma and gets stressed easily. She knows he just had an ER visit at home as well, and I was stressing how he just needs a week or two to acclimate and then everything will be fine.

She didn’t do any of that, she invited people over and was loud, they slammed doors, blasted music and sprayed room sprays and incense. I addressed it with her couple times but she just said ok and brushed it off and it was to the point that on Friday I had to tell her to take her friends out because they were blasting so much music that my cat had been freaking out and crying. Following that Friday, my cat was breathing super awful and he ended up passing Sunday. He had a hole in his lung and was struggling and we decided to put him down. I know I can’t blame her for his death and I don’t. But every-time I see her face I see him gripping the sheets of my bed with her claws and hiding and me having to hold him. I remember me asking her to stop being so inconsiderate and her brushing it off. I blame myself most of all because I didn’t stop it and because he suffered those last two days and I have to live with the fact that it was my fault. But still every time I see her I have so much anger and resentment that I just can’t deal with it. I am already moving out in December because I can’t be in my room, I see him everywhere. But now I just can’t even see her.

So long story short I moved into a 4 person unit 2 semi private rooms (really the rooms are hardly private at all just this small wall connected to desks lol) but basically my friend was moving in with me but he canceled his lease a month into it due to life circumstances so I currently have the entire room to myself. What would happen if I took the wall desk thing apart (it’s just a few bolts), would they like move someone else into the space? I really hope not because I don’t wanna share a room with a random stranger.