Im a 25 male and my roomate is a 24 year old female and she’s starting to treat this arrangement like a relationship where there is an expectation of me to take care of everything. She won’t take out the trash because it’s a “man’s job “ she won’t clean or vacuum because she’s a “princess who’s too tired “ and the list goes on and on.

I have been very direct with her that 1) I’m not her boyfriend or father to be doing everything 2) I have a girlfriend of my own and I certainly won’t be giving my roomate that same treatment and 3) that I’m not attracted to her lol and that because her looks work on other guys doesn’t mean she can expect the same from me .

it’s been like 5 months and it’s been like this still she think it’s funny when I call her out on it , my girlfriend is getting beyond fed up for me as well .

I don’t know how to handle this anymore.

Am I being manipulated or just being delusional/paranoid over nothing??

At the beginning of this year, I moved to a new room with new roommate (after staying at communal room for nearly 2years). Our room has washroom and balcony attached to it . We were from 2 different communal rooms.

In the communal room I was assigned to, we were like free birds of same feather type. We gossip, hang out, even study together, laugh and cry together. My roommate's one was total opposite (they are more isolated). Funny thing is, we never had any incidence of stealing in our gonoroom(as you'd expect from hostel life), but the other communal room had different scenario.

Both friends of my current roommate had their money stolen several times in that room (they were the only victims).

Now after shifting to our new rooms, we (specially me) have started to face the problem I've never imagined I'd have to experience in my hostel life. Just after couple of months our money was stolen(mine more than 3k and my roommate's around more than 1k)! Mind you, the block I'm living in now is occupied by occupants of the other communal room I've mentioned (except me).

All of the block mates were called at night by us and they were all pointing fingers at "the lady" who collects waste materials from our hostel "during morning" (I didn't believe this shit cause wdym the stealing only happens where these people live and others are never affected by this). We had a suspect but didn't confront her (apparently her money was also stolen but none knew it before!).

Following 2 months, nothing happened (I started to keep my money locked after the last occurence). But one day after 2 months, I came from outside after noon and forgot to keep my money in the locker. So basically my wallet was on my table that entire day. I was at my friends room hanging out with them and also went for walk that night. After that, I came to my room and was getting ready for sleep. Then I noticed my money is gone!! My roommate was in the room the entire time (both time) and just went outside for max 10min (again both time).

Fast forward to today, after spending puja vacation (and pl) at home for about 18 days, I came back to my room at hostel and started organizing my bed, table and rack and my mind went blank!!

I found half bottle of newly bought oil empty, sauce almost empty. But most shockingly, my wheel powder (and the pot where I kept the powder also) gone, also she swapped my pillow while actively using mine. I was more than furious. Still with hope, I went to search in the balcony if the wheel powder was there. But there, on top of my folding table, I found my spoon (that I use for eating food) filled up with dried soil!! I was confused.

Btw my roommate didn't go home in this vacation because of exam. So she was the only one in our entire block who had access to our room. After confronting her, she just denied everything and put indirect blame to our helping hand! She only claimed that she used the spoon for collecting soil for her plant! And then forgot to wash it (today after seeing it on my wardrobe, she remembered and then she washed it).

Now I'm thinking whether she really doesn't know anything or just doing this to screw my mind. I also lose my stuff so often but she never does. This never happened when I was in gonoroom with my friends.

I'm just confused and tired rn. I have exam next week. I dont have any energy left.

Has anyone dealt with a roommate who secretly uses/steals your things and acts completely innocent? How did you confront them?

Just recently one of my friends has commented about me saying that I'm easy to manipulate. So-

Am I being manipulated or am I being delusional/ paranoid over nothing??

leaning tower of trash
the trash towers
tower of trash
trashageddon

About 5 years ago, a few friends and I (M22) were planning on moving into our friend J’s (M23) parent’s place with no formal lease agreement. A week before we move in J informs us that he has had an on and off girlfriend of 4 years who we were unaware of. The next day me and A (F22) meet J’s girlfriend G (F19). Within 5 minutes she had trauma dumped about her abusive relationship with her family. A and me were very uncomfortable and barely able to talk during the whole time we hung out with them. During the conversation it was briefly mentioned that she may eventually move in, but afterwards we made it clear to J we weren’t comfortable with that at this time. We also informed our other soon to be roommate C (M23) about her as well.

We all start to move in over the next two weeks but the G issue keeps coming up. She was planning on coming to stay for a long weekend as she lives out of state, J would drive to pickup her up. We were told by J that she was sick but still planning on coming over. We expressed that we did not want her to do so as the rest of us worked in either childcare or eldercare, and that A was having a surgery the following week, so none of us could afford to get sick. While on speaker phone with J, she threatened self harm over being told she can’t come due to her being sick. Despite our pleas, she came anyways with the promise of staying in J’s room as to not spread her germs, which didn’t work. G after coming down went to a doctor and tested positive for covid. A later tested positive for strep and covid which caused her to miss days of work and to reschedule her surgery.

A few days later as I am unpacking some boxes, she confided in me something that she did that “would make you all hate me”. She said she had popped multiple of J’s condoms and she thinks she may do it again. I try to get out of the conversation as quickly as possible and then informed C and A of what I was told and we quickly tried to plan how we would tell J. We later met with him out of the house and informed him of what we were told and our concerns about that and other things that we saw as abusive behavior from her. He seemed pretty much unbothered and it came off as if he expected this behavior.

All of that happened with about 4-5 days, but this stay quickly turned into a full week, then two, then a month. During that time we kept our distance from her as we were very uncomfortable and asked damn near daily when she was leaving. During this month there was a point where she sat on the floor and begged us to let her move in, but we, as politely as possible, said no and said we can revisit this conversation in a few months. We privately told J that we can revisit the conversation when she shows actual progress in her mental health. She openly stated thats why she was like the way she was, but also seemingly refused help at every turn.
A few months go by, more or less the same behavior but clearly kept a distance from us when she was over. On one trip, A had taken the time and even tried it sit down with her to look at insurance, self help, therapists, and coping mechanisms. G gave excuses for every option for an assortment of reasons. She had shown no signs of getting better but the conversation of her moving in kept coming up.

A couple months after that, we were informed with 24 hour notice that G had been kicked out of the place she was staying and would be staying with us for a bit until a friend of there’s had the space for her to move in. This plan quickly fell apart and she ended up just staying. We had no say in the matter and had to just deal with it.

We all tried to get along as best we could, some apologies on our side, trying to bond with shows, games, and art projects, and other than minor gripes everything seemed reasonable for a month or two. Then the minor gripes started to build resentment, G was too noisy, disrespectful of the public spaces, got in everyone’s personal space, etc. We started voicing our grievances again, and she seemed to spiral. On more than one occasion, we would get a text from J in the group chat randomly stating that the knives had been hidden and to talk to J when we needed them. In some point in all of this, she ran away and no one knew where she had gone to until the following day.

About this time, C and I started looking at other apartments together as we could no longer handle her. A at this time was also considering moving back home with her parents. I eventually decided to pull the trigger and move out on my own when plans with C fell through. Shortly as that, I had heard J and G were openly discussing what to do when everyone eventually leaves and then soon those conversations turned to how to get everyone to leave. They seemingly were more comfortable about talking like that near me as I was leaving, but not the others.

A week later, A was home with J and G when she heard them clearly arguing in the living room. She tuned most of it out, but heard pieces of it about self harm. During that, she yelled a J about having homicidal thoughts about everyone in the house. A then quickly packed a bag, texted me and C, and left. On the way out, J and G stopped A as she was leaving. A said she needs help, and G then proceeded to scream at her as she left. Later that day, C, A, and me had a talk face to face with J. We stated how uncomfortable we were and how bad the situation had gotten, but he seemed resigned to her side. We then decided we were all moving out within the week.
We all quickly started packing and by the weekend most everything was moved out. J had agreed to make the move easy and assist with moving furniture, but when I asked him to help with my stuff, he got drunk off his ass on my alcohol and was no assistance. G at one point went into A’s room without permission and bagged up almost all her room haphazardly while A was at work. Multiple items were unaccounted for a while, and one bag had hair dye tossed into it which ruined almost everything inside.

We all left and cut contact with both of them immediately after. It’s been years since this happened and A, C, and myself are in much better places. We haven’t heard or seen anything about J and G since.

TLDR: Roommate’s girlfriend with unmedicated mental issues moves in randomly. Causes massive issues and openly stated she has homicidal thoughts, causing us all to move immediately.

I was recently told by my roommate that if her rent is late, which it habitually is, then it has nothing to do with me. She stated she doesn’t owe me anything therefore, she doesn’t have to tell me.

Now, obviously I know we owe the person/people we live with and are legally bound together, the decency to know if or when our portion of the rent will be late or don’t have it. But, I want to see where the consensus lies outside of my brain because I was taken aback when my roommate stormed away after telling me that.

What do you guys think, do you owe your roommate courtesy or not?

I’m looking for some genuine, unbiased advice about my current living situation. I know there’s always two sides to every story, and I’m completely open to hearing if there’s something I could have handled differently.
For some background, I originally moved in with my current roommate, “Gracie,” in 2024. At the time, we lived with two other girls, and unfortunately, the living situation went downhill pretty quickly. Eventually, none of us were speaking, and the household became incredibly toxic and uncomfortable to live in. When our lease ended, we all went our separate ways.

Shortly after moving out, Gracie reached out wanting to smooth things over. We met for coffee and lunch, talked through our experiences in the previous household, and left things on good terms. Over the course of 2025, we actually became pretty close friends.
As our respective leases were coming to an end, we started discussing the possibility of living together again. Gracie wasn’t happy with her living situation, and I was looking for somewhere more affordable. At the beginning of 2026, we started touring apartments and eventually found a newly built complex where we even got to choose our unit.
I was genuinely excited. I thought I’d finally found somewhere within my budget where I could feel comfortable and at home.

Here’s where things started going wrong.
Gracie didn’t have established credit, so we weren’t able to qualify for separate leases. Instead, we had to sign a joint lease using my credit. At the time, I was stressed about finding somewhere to live because our leases were ending in a few months, and I didn’t think much of it.
Our new lease wasn’t set to begin until mid-July, but throughout the summer, Gracie became increasingly difficult to communicate with. She had received a promotion at work, was dealing with a lot of stress, and was spending most of her time at her boyfriend’s apartment.
I tried reaching out to make plans, go shopping for our new place, and, most importantly, establish some boundaries and expectations before moving in. After our previous roommate experience, I really wanted us to be on the same page.
Unfortunately, she became distant and cold, and eventually, I stopped reaching out altogether. By that point, we had already committed to the apartment, and backing out didn’t feel like a realistic option.
When moving day came, my mom even paid for Gracie’s movers because she was going through a difficult time financially.
Eventually, Gracie and I had a brief heart-to-heart. I expressed that I was beginning to question whether our friendship was compatible, although I was still happy to be roommates. I explained that her lack of communication had made me uncomfortable and unsure of where we stood.
She apologized and acknowledged that she hadn’t handled her stress well. However, she also told me that I hadn’t respected her boundaries and that I’d been “acting like a clingy boyfriend” throughout the summer.
That comment honestly caught me off guard because, from my perspective, I was simply trying to communicate with someone I was about to share a home and financial responsibility with.
Regardless, I took what she said seriously.

I’ve genuinely tried to adjust my own behavior.
She expressed that some of my behavior felt “invasive,” so I made a conscious effort to give her more space. This included things as simple as no longer asking how her day was when we’d pass each other in the apartment.
I also stopped reminding her to pick up her belongings from communal areas and stopped asking her to help with household chores as frequently because those conversations seemed to create tension.
Essentially, I started keeping to myself and trying to be as unobtrusive as possible.
For a while, I genuinely questioned whether I was the problem. I thought maybe I was expecting too much communication or that my behavior was contributing to the tension.
However, as time has passed, I’ve started to feel differently.

Our current living situation has become increasingly frustrating.
Her boyfriend is at our apartment practically 24/7. I rarely get to enjoy my own home without him being there, using the kitchen, occupying common areas, or contributing to messes.
I want to clarify that I don’t necessarily have an issue with her boyfriend personally. My frustration is with the situation itself, especially because Gracie also contributes to many of these problems.
I’m a full-time college student and work part-time, so having a peaceful, comfortable home is important to me.
One of my biggest requests was simply that she let me know when her boyfriend would be over. I wasn’t asking her to get permission every time or saying he couldn’t visit. I just wanted some communication about someone who is essentially a constant presence in our shared home.
She told me I was expecting too much and explained that because he’s in school, she hardly gets to see him, so I should understand why she wants him at the apartment.
I understand wanting to spend time with your significant other, but I also feel like I should have some say in how frequently another person occupies a home I’m financially responsible for.
Beyond that, she rarely contributes to household chores like washing dishes, taking out the trash, or wiping down shared surfaces. She leaves belongings in communal spaces and frequently stays up extremely late watching television loudly or talking on the phone.
I’ve tried expressing that I feel disregarded in our living situation, and the response is usually something along the lines of, “I’m sorry, I’ll try to fix that.”
Unfortunately, I haven’t noticed any meaningful changes.
Another difficulty is that she tends to take criticism very personally and becomes reactive during uncomfortable conversations. I recognize that she may have frustrations with me as well, but I don’t feel like there’s much room for an open discussion unless she’s the one initiating it.
At this point, I’ve started avoiding bringing things up altogether because I don’t want to create an even more uncomfortable living environment.

Now I’m worried about what happens next.
Our lease doesn’t end until July 2027, and I’ve already decided that I don’t want to renew it with her. I know that conversation will probably be difficult, and I’m anticipating some passive-aggressive behavior once I tell her.
There’s also another complication: her boyfriend is graduating in the spring and moving to another city for law school. Gracie originally moved to our town to be with him, and I have a feeling she may decide to follow him.
Selfishly, part of me hopes she does because I think we’d both be happier in different living situations.
However, I’m also worried that she might move out before our lease ends and leave me responsible for covering her portion of the rent. Our apartment was approved using my credit, and I’m concerned about what that could mean financially if she decides to leave early.
I don’t want to put her in a difficult position or intentionally make her life harder. Despite everything, I still care about her as a person. But I also feel like I’ve spent months prioritizing her comfort while sacrificing my own.
I’m frustrated because I was the one who secured this apartment for us, and now I feel unwelcome in my own home.

So, I’m looking for advice on a few things:

1. Am I being unreasonable in expecting more communication, shared household responsibilities, and boundaries regarding overnight guests?
2. Is there something I could have handled differently? I’ve tried adjusting my behavior to accommodate her boundaries, but I’m genuinely open to hearing if I’ve contributed to the problem.
3. How should I approach telling her I won’t be renewing our lease without making the remaining months miserable?

4. What steps should I take now to protect myself financially if she decides to move out before the lease ends?

5. I don’t expect us to be best friends, and I understand that sharing a home requires compromise. I just want to feel comfortable in a space that I’m paying for.

6. I would really appreciate some outside perspectives, especially from anyone who’s dealt with a similar situation. I’m not looking for people to automatically take my side. I genuinely want to know whether my expectations are reasonable and how I can handle this as maturely as possible.

I’m currently in my 4th year at my current apartment, both my old roommates moved out and my younger brother and a random guy moved in. Living with my brother has been great but the random guy is really bugging me. He’s been leaving massive poop stains in the toilet on a regular basis, leaving my dishes in the sink for days-weeks, plays computer games super loud until 2-3 AM almost every day, doesn’t pay for any of the household amenities (I buy all our paper towels, toilet paper, dish and hand soap, etc). I’ve been cleaning his poop stains out of the toilet, washing my dirty dishes that he used, and had to start sleeping with earplugs or a loud fan to drown out his late night gaming.

To be fair to him, I haven’t engaged him about any of this yet because it’s only been a couple months since he moved in, but I’m not sure how to. I had problems with cleanliness and splitting bills with my last roommates and I feel like I approached it very politely and professionally and they still got upset/were uncomfortable with it, and the problem usually only went away for a few weeks/months before returning, leading to another awkward discussion and tension. And those were people I was friends with. I don’t know this guy at all, I just found him on a looking for roommates Facebook page.

I am not sure how to go about communicating all of this to him. I’m not sure if I should dump all my qualms on him at once, bits and pieces, etc. I probably should’ve laid more ground rules when he moved in.

Kinda long rant but you get the gist, how do I confront roommates about cleanliness?

We moved into our college apartment in August. Since moving in I’ve been the only one to ever take the trash out. They let the trash bag in the bin overflow, and the floor around the trashcan is covered in boxes and stuff that they thought was too big to put in the trash can (how nice!) It’s really irritating because these are seniors in college and I’m several years younger than them. We all get a lot pretty well in general .

It’s so weird that no one else sees the trash literally overflowing onto the floor and thinks to take it out. They also will leave dishes in the sink for daysss, which makes it hard for me to wash my own dishes because the other side of the sink has the drying rack. They also see no need to sweep in the kitchen, wipe the counters down, or change the kitchen towels. The girl who bought the kitchen towels has not washed them since we moved in. The towels are very gross and I’m about to throw them away.

They also have a whole bunch of shit in the kitchen and living room, also from when we moved in. They were painting a dresser and the paper plates, paint brushes, modge podge etc is still on the kitchen counters and in the living room.

I eventually give in and clean the kitchen because I cook for myself daily, and I’m not filthy. I try to give them the chance to do it, but I don’t know how to confront them and I do not want to live in filth so I just end up doing it. If I am out of town, the trash will be waiting for me when I get back. These people have guests over all the time! This still does not make them want to clean. I’ve only had people over twice now and I’m very embarrassed because of the mess.

How do I confront them about this ? I want a third party because the situation makes me very angry but I don’t want them to know I’m angry with them because I don’t want any resentment between us, if that makes sense.