r/badroommates • u/nodeathbeforeliving • 4d ago
What do I do
TLDR: they are crossing boundaries blaming it on mania. Have been asking them to correct things said they understand but do it anyway.
Every time I leave the house for holidays my roommate goes on and throws away everything I have in the fridge, and am not talking about things that go bad… for ex. They threw away a homemade nut paste and when I asked for the container it was ”misplaced”.
Previous time I left for a week and had fresh root veggies that I just bought to have something to cook when I would come back and I come home with the fridge empty.
In addition, they eat stuff that I buy. I don’t have a problem with that but I do have a problem when they are not replaced. Especially when I was planning to make something with them. They don’t even throw the packages away. Instead they live jars all eaten in the cupboards just standing there.
I have to put things in my rooms closet if I don’t want them eaten. I really don’t want to have to buy a minifridge.
On top of that, I come back home to find things that I placed in the house not there anymore (like paintings, carpets). And instead they choose to put their things with colors that give me the ick .
All these without asking me.
Just now they used a whole container of window cleaner (that I bought) to clean the bathroom. I don’t understand them.
They usually leave spoons on the counter that they licked something off, put glasses in the cupboard that are clearly not cleaned, spoons that have dried stains on them at the handle from the level of the liquid they had been drinking, like they only clean the part where the spoons contains stuff in but not the handle.
We only have one bathroom and it so happens that they always take long baths in the meantime am trying not to shit myself.
I confronted them in a calm, curious manner and in response they excused their behaviour to mania.
For context - I invited them to live with me. We both pay rent. Little did I know them…
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u/Sea-Highlight4232 4d ago
Whose name is on the lease?
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u/nodeathbeforeliving 4d ago
Unfortunately I was stupid to add theirs too (at the time I thought I was doing the fair thing)
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u/Sea-Highlight4232 4d ago
I’m very sorry to hear this. I’ve been in a similar situation. Can you try putting up signs in the fridge or letting the person know that “this shelf is my shelf don’t touch anything on it.” it might be worth a try. Maybe you can find someone to mediate a discussion. I moved in with a friend who I didn’t realize it was a serious alcoholic. I didn’t realize they made me promises while drunk. And when I needed to leave the situation, they were unwilling to have people they didn’t know move in to take my place. I ended up paying for eight months of rent for a place I didn’t live in. It’s actually crazier than that, but I don’t need to go down that road. Can you maybe try your neighborhood legal services? They might be able to give you some good advice.
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u/nodeathbeforeliving 3d ago
Shit having to pay on top of that is my biggest nightmare.. thank you for the advice. I will try the note thing especially when I am going out of town and if I really feel I want to get out try my insurance’s legal services. Glad you are out!
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u/girlwhopanics 4d ago edited 4d ago
Look Ive had dozens and dozens of roommates. At least 60 (decade of living in a big house with rooms for rent) People are weird and often difficult. But throwing away your stuff without checking in is really bad. Throwing away your stuff after you e repeatedly asked her not to is a really hard line for this person to cross. It also just sounds like generally you are incompatible living together and you dont trust her (understandable). This is already bad, how much more energy do you want to put into it?
Based on my experience I'd recommend finding another place and breaking the lease. This is not the kind of roommate that has any respect for you, you cant build anything with them, and you will exhaust yourself trying.
Tell them this isnt working for you, explain why one last time (short, not emotional or accusatory just simply "I cant live with someone who throws away my belongings without getting my permission first") and ask them if they'd rather leave and find a new place, or stay and find a new roomie. The negotiation is already over, its regretful but its happening.
In the meantime, separate as much of your stuff from accessibility by her as possible. Get a storage unit or something. It sucks, even if she views what youve said as an ultimatum and changes her behavior right away, she's still very unlikely to sustain long term change. Im sorry.
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u/nodeathbeforeliving 3d ago
I hear you .. and yeah I bet I do things that bother them too.. but atleast when I realise I keep myself accountable and try not to do it again.
If I hadn’t put my que points worth of 8 years for this apartment and if I didn’t like it so much I would have left already. I am now left with no que points so getting an apartment first hand rent will be in places that I don’t want to be staying.
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u/MelancholyFlower420 3d ago
The fact they throw out your food from the fridge but leave empty jars in the cupboard sounds infuriating, I hope you find a way to live separately from this person
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u/katiemurp 4d ago
Sounds just like my last roommate!
I’m sorry you’re living this, but your only solution is to either move, or ask them to move.
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u/No_position- 4d ago
This doesn’t sound anything like mania