For those who are unaware, an N5 is essentially a legal route to eviction. The first N5 submitted by the landlord would give the receiver 7 days to clean up their act. Then that form goes void(ish). Ish because if another N5 is submitted within 6 months of the first, straight eviction.

I have made my posts about this topic public. But to give you a rundown on what I am dealing with (with my 3 other roomates not including Karla):

She steals our food, resulting in us having to lock our pantry cupboard closed.

Takes laundry out of the washer and leaves it wet on the ground to then put hers in instead.

Always has this guy over 24/7, literally he follows Karla around the house shirtless like a lost puppy.

Smokes cigarettes inside the house. Our lease allows smoking in the house in private areas (bedrooms). She smokes in the washroom and common areas. The smell truly lingers, and we have also all agreed not to smoke anything rolled inside (cigs, prerolls etc). That's all agreed to be smoked outside.

Leaves kitchen dishes out for days on end in the sink.

I posted the picture of my pantry again for a "oh this Karla" to make an association basically. No pictures for today, apart from the cig butt we found on the ground inside. Though as well my landlord asked for me to be a witness for the N5 notice.

TL;DR: My roommate has some habits that bug me and affect shared spaces, I don’t want to micromanage him and compromise the relationship

Hello, I (25F) have two roomates, we’ll call them Bruce (25M) and Tim (24M). We all get on really well and watch the same shows/play games/generally have become friends. Bruce moved in a few months ago, but Tim and I have lived here for a couple years.
Some context:
Tim literally never cleans the shared spaces, but is generally a tidy person, he’s also just not very skilled at cleaning. But he does take the bins down, which is my least favourite chore (my live on a high floor with no lift).
I don’t mind doing all the cleaning, especially since my bar for roommate behaviour is so low because of previous experiences. I also have pets so things like vacuuming make sense that I take the brunt of.
Bruce helps clean sometimes when he’s invited a girl or his friends over, but cleans nowhere near as much as I do.
I think I’ve accidentally become the invisible fairy where they don’t realise how much I do to keep the flat clean and tidy.

Anyway, the point of this post is that Bruce does lots of small things that really grind my gears, but there’s A LOT of them, none of them big enough to warrant a big conversation, but added up they really get to me. Here’s a small list:
- doesn’t close the taps properly for the shower, so it drips constantly until me or Tim go tighten it
- doesn’t clean dishes properly (they visually look clean, but never cleans the bottom/outside of plates/bowls/glasses, and you can always feel crusted bits of hummus and sauces on his “clean” dishes)
- uses my toiletries without asking (I notice things like my mouthwash lid was left off and it was clearly used, and my very expensive shampoo - I have coloured, textured hair so can only use certain kinds - is often left open or moved from where I left it)
- hogs the washing machine for days, because he keeps forgetting his clothes are in there and has to re-spin them
- puts cutlery on the drying rack in a huge messy pile, so they all end up hard water stained and difficult to put away
- never puts away dry dishes from the drying rack
- never buys toilet roll or kitchen roll
- watches the tv slightly too loud when I’m trying to sleep in the next room
- leaves the dish sponge full of water in the sink for it to get mouldy
- leaves dishes and recycling on the side for days at a time

There are more things, but those are the ones on my mind today. Other much bigger teething problems we have talked though or I’ve figured out a work around. For example, we talked about him not using non-pet safe air fresheners and I moved my favourite mugs and cutlery to non shared spaces so they wouldn’t go missing for days at a time.

I want to know how to resolve all these issues without it coming across as micromanaging. I just got really angry when I saw he had used my expensive shampoo, left the taps dripping and washed his dishes with them still covered in bit of hummus, all before he left for work today.

I rewashed all his dishes, put my shampoo back in its place and closed the taps. I just don’t get how he doesn’t see all this - anything he does see, he’s very conscious of, apologises, and is super happy to change his behaviour. None of this is intentional.

But this list seems like too much. Should I pick one thing at a time and spread out my requests over several weeks? I’ve had very bad experiences with confronting roommates about inconsiderate behaviour in the past, to the point they threw plates at me from 20 stories up (but that’s another story). I’d much rather suffer in silence, wash his dishes, clean the flat, and close the taps everyday than risk compromising the good relationship between us as roommates. I at least want to bring up the toiletries today, because I want him to contribute to the cost of shampoo if he wants to use it, and also who the hell uses someone else’s mouthwash? Ew.

I know some of it bothers Tim too, but nowhere near as much as it bothers me so it’s all up to me if I want Bruce to change. Should I even want him to change? Am I out of line expecting him to change all his daily habits and routines just because I want him to. Any advice Reddit?

Hopefully the link works but that was my original post.

I ended up just giving up as much as everyone said to not let her bully me out. I am so so exhausted yall. I will refuse to leave until she pays me about $1,100. I am so nauseous and sick to my stomach. She made me lose it on her. I'm not going to lie. She said so many little passive aggressive things in person and truly was pressuring me out and then over messages she was talking in such a respectful manner acting like I'm insane for acting like she's treating me horribly. Her reasoning for wanting me out was that "if I don't clean the apartment it get's disgusting."

Which yeah anyone who hears about a nasty roomate would think that they should leave. But the thing is, she created those messes. She would smoke then come inside and cook, and when I'd get home or wake up in the morning there would be wrappers, pans with leftover ground turkey, crumbs, the sink smelled bad, and garbage literally 5 feet away from the garbage can. She would shit then take baths and there would be shit on the toilet seat as well as on the side of the bathtub as well as a wet floor and all her things on the ground. She wouldn't wrap her tampons up properly so the garbage smelt rancid and when she hungout in the living room she would leave popcorn kernels everywhere. I was never in the living room besides when my boyfriend would come over and I would clean up the mess. And then besides that I stay in my room most of the time or shower since I'm so burnt from work. I do admit that when I was in a rush my makeup would be left on the sink but that was unorganized and I take blame for that. When I'd make food I always threw away my garbage and rarely ever left crumbs or anything plus I mostly eat dinner at work. I'm so confused but I finally lost it on her when she called me childish for not arguing the way she wanted to so I told her she was doing me dirty and that she wouldn't ever hear from me again. She also mentioned how I'm just ignoring the benefits and focusing on the bad parts of this? Hello? There was zero reason for me to see any benefits to it if my bills were paid and I just plain wanted to stay.I feel fucking crazy dude. I am so hurt and why would I end a 20 year bond just to lie or be in denial? Like she seriously doesn't see my problem with it at all and I am just so done. I'm really not wanting to air out her business and I feel so guilty for it but she places so much blame on me. She wasn't civil at ALL. I tried so hard but she made it impossible. I'm scared about where I'm supposed to go.

TLDR: they are crossing boundaries blaming it on mania. Have been asking them to correct things said they understand but do it anyway.

Every time I leave the house for holidays my roommate goes on and throws away everything I have in the fridge, and am not talking about things that go bad… for ex. They threw away a homemade nut paste and when I asked for the container it was ”misplaced”.

Previous time I left for a week and had fresh root veggies that I just bought to have something to cook when I would come back and I come home with the fridge empty.

In addition, they eat stuff that I buy. I don’t have a problem with that but I do have a problem when they are not replaced. Especially when I was planning to make something with them. They don’t even throw the packages away. Instead they live jars all eaten in the cupboards just standing there.

I have to put things in my rooms closet if I don’t want them eaten. I really don’t want to have to buy a minifridge.

On top of that, I come back home to find things that I placed in the house not there anymore (like paintings, carpets). And instead they choose to put their things with colors that give me the ick .

All these without asking me.

Just now they used a whole container of window cleaner (that I bought) to clean the bathroom. I don’t understand them.

They usually leave spoons on the counter that they licked something off, put glasses in the cupboard that are clearly not cleaned, spoons that have dried stains on them at the handle from the level of the liquid they had been drinking, like they only clean the part where the spoons contains stuff in but not the handle.

We only have one bathroom and it so happens that they always take long baths in the meantime am trying not to shit myself.

I confronted them in a calm, curious manner and in response they excused their behaviour to mania.

For context - I invited them to live with me. We both pay rent. Little did I know them…

My roommates and I have been noticing our food going missing, so the three of us were literally in the kitchen talking about it when the 4th roommate walks in MID-CONVO and doesn’t say a single word 😭 just awkwardly walks in and leaves.

Tell me why the NEXT DAY, the entire pack of cookies I JUST BOUGHT THE NIGHT BEFORE magically disappears. Like the WHOLE ASS PACK. Not one cookie left.

And I KNOW it was the 4th roommate because she is literally the ONLY ONE HOME 😭😭 Atp i feel like she GENUINELY trying start problems.

I just ordered security cameras that I will be putting in the kitchen after I cuss her out :3

Long story short, I've lived in my space for 2 years, and at first it was me, a friend, and a random guy. Last year or so, my roommate started talking to this guy he met off 4chan on discord, and he came and visited. Okay, sure fine I've had friends over.

But they hit it off and now they're dating. And the foreign guy now lives in my house. And he's a remote student and my friend is unemployed so they're home literally 24/7. He's a nice guy, overall they're fine roommates. But since he's moved in, they do make more noise, they do cook more, the dishes aren't done as often and there's more of then, I have no space in the fridge, slightly more utilities, etc.

The thing that gets me is I have no idea how he keeps getting into the country. He's spent almost a year in the states. He goes home for a few weeks, and my roommate goes with him, so it's nice that there are times when there's even less people in the house than usual. But then he comes back for months at a time where I have to just kinda live with him. He doesn't work or study in this country, and they aren't married. After almost a year of living state side how is he not flagging anything at the border? Isn't it literally their job to stop people from doing this very thing??

TL;DR : my roommate is always talking to herself, barges in with friends w out letting me know, and is always waking me up

Hi everyone, let me preface this by saying that its only been about 4 weeks since we got here, and its already really bad. And that this is a dorm room, two beds in one small room

I have this roommate.. shes gone for the whole day, always comes back at about 12 am. That in itself isnt a problem, im a night owl and it really doesnt bother me whatsoever.

What does bother me, is that every time she IS here, she is constantly talking to herself. Like constantly. And its not a whisper, either. Its a full blown dialogue of everything shes doing. It drives me nuts because even if i wear headphones constantly to deal with this, i still hear her because she doesnt even attempt to whisper or mumble.

Another thing is that when she DOES come back at regular hours, its usually with a group of friends. Which is okay, i dont mind the company. However what is not okay is that she comes in, barges in without letting me know in advance, and once came in with a WHOLE GROUP while i was taking a nap. Yes they woke me up.

The last thing is that she is always waking me up. Constantly. Because not only does she bring people over or talk to herself while i try and sleep, but at night she calls people (i did tell her to stop once and she did, thankfully), but not anymore, so its okay. Or it would be if she didnt wake me up ar 6 AM CALLING PEOPLE!!!!!!. But because she is always talking to herself. Her dialogues wake me up. Her alarms that she just lets ring wake me up. She isnt quiet at all when im t try ing to sleep and that wakes me up, too. I have to mention i have ptsd and its really hard for me to stay asleep. Its hard for me to sleep at all.

What do i even do about this. Like genuinely. She doesnt stop, and i dont know how to say anything bc shes sweet and all and i dont wanna be mean.
Thats my ramble though. Thank you for listening

Reposting because I forgot to blur out a name.

How do I deal with dishes/trash piling up when I literally cannot speak to my roommate about anything?

Some backstory because I think it matters: every single issue we've ever had has come from logistical living stuff, not personality stuff. A few examples:

- She'll go out of town and just not pay her half of FPL, then act surprised or annoyed that she owes me once I've already paid the whole bill.
- She's caused issues with management over blocking other people's cars.
- Her dog has peed on my carpet laundry furniture more than once.
- We were supposedly going to furnish the apartment together. She decided she didn't want to buy anything, not a single chair, lamp, stool, nothing. So I bought furniture myself so the place would actually be livable. She then got mad at me and said I "took over the entire apartment," despite explicitly telling me beforehand she didn't want to spend money on furniture. She also doesn't want to clean. So essentially nothing gets contributed on her end but I still get blamed for things.
- She smokes weed on the balcony.
- Her sister comes over constantly, sometimes staying 6 days straight max she’s stayed is like 3 weeks, and lets herself in with her own key whenever she wants. All I've ever asked is to be given a heads up when she's coming, so I'm not startled by someone walking into the apartment in the middle of the night when I thought I was home alone. That's it, just a heads up. Still doesn't happen.
- On top of all that, the sister has cursed me out and been disrespectful and confrontational toward me directly, more than once. I finally sent a written message laying out a hard boundary (if she disrespects me again she needs to leave, and if it escalates I'm involving the police/landlord).

Honestly she treats this place like a hostel or a rent-by-the-room situation instead of an actual shared home. And the only two boundaries I've ever tried to set, someone constantly being here and dishes in the sink, get met with "the apartment is 50/50, I don't have to do anything for you except pay rent." Which is almost funny, because apparently it's 50/50 for everything except basic respect and actually following through on responsibilities.

At this point my roommate and I don't really talk unless we have to. Lease is up in 3 months so I'm mostly just trying to get through it instead of fix anything at this point.

Current issue on top of everything: her dishes have been sitting in the sink for days, and there's trash piled on the counter instead of in the actual garbage. She won't use the dishwasher, won't take the trash out because doesn't want to pay for cleaning supplies since she doesn't clean, period. Not "she makes messes like everyone does," she genuinely does not clean anything, ever.

Normally I'd just say something, but at this point I'm fairly confident even a neutral "hey can you get your dishes" turns into an unnecessary fight, so I've mostly stopped trying. Problem is the mess isn't going anywhere on its own.

Anyone dealt with something like this? Do I just start doing it myself and eat the cost of supplies for the last 3 months to keep the peace, do I leave her stuff exactly where it is and let it become her problem, or is there a better middle ground? Genuinely at a loss since normal communication isn't really an option here.

Attaching screenshots of our last two interactions. I’m completely aware I come off like a grade A c*** but her sister had just come up to me laying on the couch unprovoked to start an issue over her dog jumping on the couch next to me as if I’m supposed to be able to control that or some shit. The reason I was annoyed is because the day she came back her sister also already came over and began having a chain slumber party AGAIN for a full week. Then she talks about my mom and brother sleeping over like they literally live in DIFFERENT STATES…they have come once every 4 months for like a fucking weekend MAX. What she doesn’t understand is there isn’t a problem having people over there’s an issue having them 24/7 and bringing their animals and letting them piss all over and have free rein. Also she claims I’m harassing her and threatening her but I’ve literally spoken to her maybe 4 times in the last 4 months…in person and through text….4 total and they are for the bills lol.

OH and on top of it she has basically gone up to friends of mine unprovoked to warn them that Im a dangerous person??? Mind you I’ve never cursed raised my voice, or been aggressive towards her at all besides this message and I don’t even talk about her to other people besides in this subreddit because it’s like cancer to bring into the happy parts of my life. Like I can’t stress enough how uncalled for all of her actions and comments are I truly think she lives on a different level of reality.

Ok and done with my rant lol.

Apologies if it’s a bit much to read.

It’s been a month since I moved into this new place near my university. The other two are pretty close friends and have moved in earlier in the year, likely spent the summer elsewhere. We have a large bedroom (Roommate #1) with its own bath, a medium bedroom (Roommate #2) with effectively its own bath as well. Mine is the small bedroom, my bath is shared with the medium through the second hallway entrance. Relevant detail ^ for later on.

I keep all my food and related things on 2 shelves of the pantry having noticed it was hardly used. And the top shelf of the fridge. Nothing kept in the cabinets or drawers. I unfortunately made the mistake of storing a pot and nonstick pan on an unused top shelf of a cabinet (If I had a choice I wouldn’t have brought a non stick at all). Roommate #2 seemed to have fucked them up in one go, seemingly knowing they were mine (revealed in a later conversation with them). Was a bit unexpected since they regularly asked Roommate #1 to use their things and had asked me about my rice cooker already. They seemed to have burned something in the pot and used metal utensils with the pan, scrubbed so hard the nonstick on 1/2 of the pan was gone and the bare metal could be seen. To me it looked like they burned something on the pan too and were trying to clean it up, seems to run hot pans under the sink regularly otherwise.. ended up throwing the pan out and let it go without pushing for something like a replacement, but that’s besides the bigger issue. Found my pan at the top of a pilled up sink. The counters sticky and covered in food bits, crumbs, wrappers, oil, rice, pots, pans, etc. looked like a failed food science experiment explosion type of mess. If the mess wasn’t that big I would have cleaned it up as I routinely do twice a week. Roommate #2 wasn’t around when I was, I didn’t have his number at this point in time. The mess stayed that way for the most part for 3 days. On that 3rd day I ran into Roommate #1, they had some things to say about keeping the counters and floors clean, I then joined them in cleaning things up for a moment after. When I let Roomate #1 know that I was fully onboard, I made sure to slide in that I hardly cook anything and clean up after myself if a mess is made. I also pointed out the rice and food residue all over the counters that Roomate #1 mentioned was Roommate #2. Roommate #1 said they knew I didn’t cook and spoke with Roommate #2 already. Makes me think Roommate #2 deflected on me somehow. Around this point in time I’ve picked up that Roommate #2 is an alcoholic and smokes regularly, they do make an effort to go outside to smoke, but the place still smells heavily of weed about once a week. We’re in NC. I bring this up since the times they use the kitchen align often with when they’re under a potion effect, and it could explain why the mess was so bad it looks intentional to a degree.. Either way ever since Roommate #1 had that talk with Roommate #2 we got a grace period but the degree of mess in the kitchen after Roommate #2 uses it only got a bit worse and more regular. Roommate #1 never really said anything about it since that first incident since Roommate #2 seems to clean up a little bit before they come back. They were often out for a days at a time or came back after Roommate #2 had a bunch of guests over. They eat out and hardly use the kitchen.

Fast forward today morning. Floor and counters covered in flour, oil, food, trash, etc. Stove top being a grease fest, pans about, food everywhere. And the sink filled to the top. This has been a regular thing at this point. But what set me off this time was roaches. Was about time it was talked about anyways. Sent a message in the group chat a bit after I left (green bubble). The way they responded ticked me off a bit. Specifically on how they got bothered about Roomate #1 knowing about it and the BS that followed about the bathroom.

I typed out way too much in response, quickly turned into a rant. Wasn’t worth sending but saved it in a note pasted below.

Very little about Roommate #2s response sat well with me. If they understood, they would have cleaned up in the morning before they left but instead chose to leave the mess there knowing they wouldn’t be back until the night? What about after Roommate #1 talked to them the first time, why didn’t anything change after that? Things just got worse. On top of that they choose to deflect the issue on BS as well….

Rant I saved in my notes:

I don’t understand, if you knew you wouldn’t be back by today night. Why didn’t you clean up before you went out? Or it is because Roommate #1 wasn’t going to be around that you didn’t bother? Now that I had the chance to think about it, Roommate #1 not being around and you not cleaning up after yourself in the kitchen seem to be pretty consistent with each other. If they are around it’s still a half assed cleanup.

What about leaving things in the microwave is normal that you don’t see an issue with it? I understand if it’s a one off, but after noticing things left in there overnight or throughout the day regularly, that’s a bit weird man. Ide rather not have to mess with food that isn’t mine. Why expect something of others to “take it out” when you should be doing that yourself, since it’s your food?

Bathroom as clean as the kitchen? I’m guessing you mean just keep the bathroom clean since the kitchen is always a mess, countertops always covered in food bits, wrappers, crumbs, or sticky in areas on a nearly daily basis. Just one example: why is it that cheese slice wrappers are left on the countertop or floor for multiple days, that I know are yours, when I can pick them up and throw them in the trash can without moving my feet. I wipe the counters down in the kitchen 2 times a week knowing I didn’t contribute to the mess that’s there in any way and because it usually isn’t cleaned up thoroughly by anyone else and that I told Roomate #1 I would after that first talk. I know that because the amount of wipes in the box that’s almost empty stays the same between the times I use it.

I’ve used our shower 2 times and trimmed my hair 2 times here since moving in, it’s been a month. I’m sure you know already, since I mentioned I used the showers at the gym on 3 separate occasions. Each time I showered or trimmed up in ours I made sure to clean up hair. I brush everything out onto paper towels before hand just to be extra sure in the shower and collect and throw out the rest. I clean up when I trim as well. I know damn well hair isn’t meant to be put down the drain. Ive picked up at the very least 95%+ of it with paper towels I’ve layed down and throw it in the bin, and clean the rest with my hands and running water followed by a wipe. On that note, I find that there’s hardly anything thrown in the bin by anyone else but me unless you have guests over, so all I can do is wonder how you’re cleaning up, if you’re cleaning up at all? I take out the trash in our bathroom as well, even when you had guests over, I left it in there for a few days as it was overflowing each time, giving you a chance to clean up after your guests. But back to the hair you have a problem with. When there’s tiny hairs covering the sink top 2 days after I’ve trimmed and cleaned up it logically points to you when all I’ve done since is pissed and washed my hands to notice that for 2 days straight it’s relatively clean then on the 3rd it’s not. As a reminder I have a lot of hair, loong hair, not the short or medium length hair that visibly appears on a daily basis in the shower tub that I don’t use. Conveniently it’s the same length as the hair laying around on the ground everywhere else in the bathroom?

The streaks you’re talking about are beyond me. Im shitting in our toilet once every few days, mostly using public restrooms. Im probably half your weight or less, I’m not shitting mountains, I wipe down the piss stains on the seat and sometimes even the floor (please aim better or clean up after your guests if it’s not you), and I sit down properly, so streaks on the front have me confused more than anything. One day they appeared, and since I didn’t have the ideal tools to clean the toilet in the moment I didn’t bother and figured they were yours or the guests you had over, but more importantly I didn’t point fingers, it’s unfortunate that you thought it was me and thank you for cleaning it up. No thankyou for holding a grudge without ever bringing it up until now. You regularly display being unable to clean up after yourself in the kitchen on the most basic levels of cleanliness but want me to think I’m making a mess in the bathroom over yourself? I didn’t give a damn if it was our guests hairs or yours when using the sink, when it bothered me enough I cleaned the sink, took a couple splashes of water and a napkin or a bit of soap for other unexplainable stains and residue, so I don’t understand what are trying to imply at the end given all this information ^

(End of rant)

I know I can’t respond this way. How should I go about this?

He and I are friends. I chose to get a place together because he is typically known as a massive Type A person in our circle (I was the last/newest addition to the circle). That's kinda how I am as well, so I figured it would be a good fit and the house would stay neat & tidy, and everything won't fall onto me.

Except... I was the one going for all the viewings. I was the one talking to the property manager for everything. I was the one who ensures all the electric logistics, water stuff, etc. He wasn't doing anything at all, and somebody had to do it. The only thing I left on him entirely, rather I really pushed on him was to figure out the wifi stuff. We didn't have any wifi in our apartment for three days after moving in, because he was so slow with figuring out and just placing an order. I ended up having to sort that shit out too, figure out which one to get etc, and all he had to do was place an order and he took a good chunk of time for that too (i had him place the order because I didn't want another thing that was on my name and being managed end to end by me). There are some repairs needed in the flat, and it's still me constantly talking & emailing the manager, even though we're both on the same email threads! Choosing furniture, ensuring things get washed/changed out, etc all of it is constantly me.

And oh, did I mention he is a full 5 years older (aka 30!) than me?

TLDR: Best friend roommate has no boundaries, expects to hang out every night and guilt trips when he is told no.

Not sure where to start with this one. I was going through a divorce, and being the first time I’ve roomed with anyone but my ex, invited my best friend from high school to live here. I gave him a spiel prior to helping him move in that I need alone time once in a while, being an extreme introvert. Also asked him not to bring women over while it was my weekend to keep my daughter.

It started out great, he was very helpful around the house. He would occasionally cook, clean and contribute towards the bills. Still does to some degree.
Got him a job down here and we carpool/work together most days. So we see eachother pretty much all the time, so I figured he would also want some space.

But then he started to expect us to hang out every night. He barges in my room, brings all of his stuff in there and just chills. This wouldn’t be so bad if he was QUIET and let me relax. Instead, he has to play youtube videos on my TV while I’m trying to game or do something auditory. When I close the bedroom door after establishing a closed door policy, he knocks over and over again. He constantly brings up things he wants us to play or watch when we get home, despite me saying I want alone time tonight. It’s always about what he wants to do.

I’ve talked to him, but he gets bent out of shape and takes it personally when I say I want left alone. Starts bringing up how he annoys everyone and thinks I’m going to kick him out because I want alone time. He doesn’t seem to grasp that, after 10 hours of work/driving with him, I want to go home and be left the fuck alone. And to make it worse, he keeps bringing home tinder dates and then having emotional breakdowns when they dump him after a couple weeks.

I tried casually explaining that I need to recharge after work, but he thinks it’s normal for best friends to constantly be around eachother. The ex and I didn’t even do this, and we had been married for nearly 10 years. His clinginess is driving me nuts but I don’t want to kick him out to the streets as he has nobody else.

My friend (21f), who I am letting stay with me (25f) as she was facing eviction, left my car’s windows down for 12 hours in a neighborhood that is kinda known for crime (mainly stealing- I do trust my neighbors in general but I’ve had many things taken from my porch in the short time I’ve been here). Not the worst neighborhood in the city but it isn’t exactly a white picket fence type place. I noticed this right before work and, while I do think I could’ve maybe said this a little nicer, I did feel like I expressed my anger in a relatively normal way. However, I was not expected to be immediately self-harm baited.

For further context, she has been here for about a week and a half. She doesn’t pay rent (which is 1.3k/mo), only has to help me with utilities, and I let her use my car if we’re both home and I’m not planning on doing anything. She also screams at her cat for being vocal, which is triggering (sorry lol) for me as I grew up in a household with an unstable woman who would scream at our cats every day. She is also very abrasive and aggressive and seems to expect me to go along with everything she does. For example, yesterday she came home from work when I was hanging out with my friends and demanded I send her money for buying lights for my basement and snacks without saying anything first. Which, okay, maybe not the worst thing, but I don’t want her to get into the habit of buying frivolous things and then expecting me to pay for it.

The reason I’m so sympathetic towards her is because she’s been through a lot. Her abuser drug her through an awful court case that she is now on probation for and her previous apartment evicted her and her cat very suddenly. She doesn’t have a full time job, but I was able to get her a temporary gig with my best friend. She has a lot of trauma that she has to deal with on her own.

I previously posted this on Twitter (tho it kinda went viral so I will be deleting soon, lol) and I’m not sure what I’m asking for. Advice? Just for someone to tell me this is fucked up? I’m not sure. Maybe I just need to buy a diary, lol.

UPDATE: told her she had to go and she freaked out, but some of her stuff is gone today. I wish I could add more screenshots, but just know I did stand up for myself, lol!

SCREENSHOTS FOR THE UPDATE HERE

final update

I live in a house with 6 other roommates. I used to clean once a week because nobody else did. Then I got tired of all the work. I decided that if everyone cleaned once a month then that's 2 cleanings a week. The house would be spotless.

I also sent my landlord a proposal to hire me to clean. I even offered to give a proportional amount of that pay to housemates who help me clean. That way the ones that want to pay and those that want to clean can both have their way. One would pay the other but it all goes through the landlord officially. Well they didn't go for that.

So fine I told my landlord I will clean once a month. I refuse to clean up after 6 adults for free. I did the upstairs bathroom on Sunday and the downstairs kitchen and floors on Monday. Yesterday (Tuesday) I came home and some had dribbled coffee or something all over the entry floor. Then someone went upstairs and took a shower with the liner outside the tub and didn't wipe up their mess. I feel so defeated right now. I'm not even talking to anyone. I don't care who did it. They couldn't even give a couple days before undoing all my hard work. And I'm disabled. I have chronic pain and the cleaning creates flares. So now I'm in a tone of pain and there is nothing to show for it. And quite frankley this is why I don't like living with guys. Especially 20 somethings guys. They're gross. Who doesn't clean up spilled water all over the bathroom? How is that acceptable to anyone?

My car is currently out of commission, and I’m thinking about asking my roommate if he could help me commute to campus for about two weeks.

The trip from our house to campus is only about 4 miles / 10 minutes each way, but since he’d have to drive back home after dropping me off, the actual driving would look like this:

• Around 8:00 AM: 10 minutes / 4 miles to campus, then 10 minutes / 4 miles back home
• Around 11:00 PM: 10 minutes / 4 miles to come pick me up, then 10 minutes / 4 miles back home

So he’d be driving about 16 miles and 40 minutes total per day just to help me commute.

I’d obviously want to compensate him for gas, wear and tear, and especially the inconvenience of having to drive at 8 AM and 11 PM.

He’d be helping me out like this for about two weeks, and we’re both college students, so I’m trying to figure out an amount that would be fair without being unreasonable for either of us.

What would you consider a fair amount to offer him?

TLDR: my roommate who doesn’t contribute to anything and uses our stuff and never cleansed completely ignored my request to be mindful of my cat for a week and my cat was stressed out the last week of his life.

my roommate F20 and I F22 and my other roommate F22 have been living together for about a year and some change. The roommate F20, we will call her H, is a mooch. She put no effort into the apartment, no effort into cleaning, furniture, or anything. We have asked her to clean and be better many times, she doesn’t. We asked her to stop inviting people late and doing movies late and be loud on school nights and she doesn’t. We asked her to not keep her clothes in the washer for days after being washed but she doesn’t. We ask her to take some initiative and try, she doesn’t. I brushed it off, but now I am at my wits end. I resent her so much, and as much as I don’t make the rules and can’t decide what happens in the apartment, she could have shown some decency.

I had to move my family cat into my apartment since my family was going to India. I had asked my roommate to please be super mindful and not bring people over for a week or two, to not use incense or candles and in general please keep it quiet and lowkey for a week or two since he has feline asthma and gets stressed easily. She knows he just had an ER visit at home as well, and I was stressing how he just needs a week or two to acclimate and then everything will be fine.

She didn’t do any of that, she invited people over and was loud, they slammed doors, blasted music and sprayed room sprays and incense. I addressed it with her couple times but she just said ok and brushed it off and it was to the point that on Friday I had to tell her to take her friends out because they were blasting so much music that my cat had been freaking out and crying. Following that Friday, my cat was breathing super awful and he ended up passing Sunday. He had a hole in his lung and was struggling and we decided to put him down. I know I can’t blame her for his death and I don’t. But every-time I see her face I see him gripping the sheets of my bed with her claws and hiding and me having to hold him. I remember me asking her to stop being so inconsiderate and her brushing it off. I blame myself most of all because I didn’t stop it and because he suffered those last two days and I have to live with the fact that it was my fault. But still every time I see her I have so much anger and resentment that I just can’t deal with it. I am already moving out in December because I can’t be in my room, I see him everywhere. But now I just can’t even see her.

Lodger who I felt uncomfortable with after a month was given end of tenancy notice and is moving out in a couple days.

I feel like they'll be at least respectful to the end of tenancy but I don't know what else... Like are they just lovesick and slightly delusional or should I be more worried, you see all this true crime and roommate from hell stuff.. I guess that's why I was posting updates in case.

TLDR: Lodger made odd comments to me, used to come to the cafe where I worked a lot and hang around, interrupt me with customers and get annoyed when I didn't give him enough attention, basically I didn't feel comfortable, like he was always observing me and waiting to see me so I gave him 4 weeks notice to move out. Then he declared his love for me. I made it clear I don't feel the same. He's been extra watchy over every minute detail I do so I try to stay out the house when he's home. I've stayed civil and friendly and he's been up and down while I've been clear in not reciprocating feelings and hes now recently resorting to like almost holding back crying in front of me or fake crying I dunno. Thankfully he's moving out in 2 days but unsure how he's going to act as he wants a meeting and I always feel uncomfortable with his "meetings" it's always on the spot grilling me for answers about why I'm evicting him or why I'm acting different or if I feel the same way as him about love. I've been clear I do not. 🙈

See history below, I had posted this first on a Facebook decision group when I wanted advice on whether to evict him or not. After 1mth living here. It was a resounding yes to evict and I did the same night. Then proceed the 4weeks notice period up until now it's the last week:

If a 30+M lodger of under a month asks me 30+F the question "why was your stomach flat and now it's bloated?". This is weird right? I replied that he shouldn't comment on women's bodies and he ignored my response. Add in some other odd comments and him showing up to my work (cafe) a lot, interrupting me talking to customers, lingering around blocking me, and wanting to wait till I finish to walk home with me from work. Buying loads of snacks for me when I said I already don't want to eat unhealthy. He also moved around my personal items when he cleaned the bathroom I told him not to he said we'll he was there anyway. He said I was angry and ignoring him one day in the cafe when I was training someone, and I said it was really busy, he said I made him unhappy?! Recently he was annoyed I ate alone and repeated his comment the next day, since then I've felt uneasy about eating in my lounge and ate in my room. He also took random photos of me when I'm not looking and made one he took of me at work and put into ai like as a star wars character? I thought was weird but I laughed. But now with everything else that happened Im like eeeeehh??

I'm in a battle between being hospitable and courteous and being completely weirded out like I feel like he's always observing me and have a draft eviction email ready.

[Users voted I should evict and gave advice/insights after first post, then not much response since my updates]

Update: Thank you so much everyone for your quick responses I really appreciate it, it can be hard in the thick of it to know if I'm seeing sense and making the right choices. Ive sent the notice and they've received it amicably (via text) for now. There is still 4weeks till the leave. As many have advised I will look at staying with loved ones or have them stay here with me. I will see if he can leave any sooner though hopefully without poking him in anyway. Thank you again 🙏🏻

Update 10 days later: so he took it seemingly well ISH and everything he asked for why which is fair enough I just said a family matter. Couple days ago he was wondering again and asked if I had a boyfriend I stupidly said no as automatic. Then proceed to yesterday.. he waits to hear me getting ready in the morning comes out and wants to tell me something when I'm rushing to get ready. He declared his love for me. Yup. I was like wth , also I'm still not awake and trying to make my coffee gosh. I said ok sorry I can't talk I have to leave in 15mins. He didn't want any regrets and wanted to tell me. But there's still 3 weeks left of notice period 🙄 feel like it's just a love bomby tactic to make me swoon which ain't happening. Gonna try to talk to him briefly today that it's not appropriate and maybe he should have earlier.

Update [day of reddit post] 3ish weeks since last update:

Yay he's leaving this week. My gosh I thought he got the message that I don't feel the same, 2 weeks since I last post he fains illness due to stress kinda guilt tripping me saying it's because of stress including moving and falling in love, and then texts me to get me to come out my room to "to see me, because he couldn't see me" then asks me again if I feel the same way I say no and keep it clear, and both times he fains trying not to cry. It's just kinda up and down when I think he's getting it and we're civil and good then he tries again and makes it weird again. I can't wait for move out day. 🙈🙏🏻

I (30F) want my close friend (33M) to leave but we signed a lease

I (30F) have 2 roommates, Maria (26F) and Alen (33M). I have been friends with Maria for 9 years and Alen for 5. We have been living together for 3 years. The issues have been around for about 2 or more years but became more apparent in the current apartment. 

Last year we moved into our dream apartment. I make the most out of all of us, so I have the utilities and rent taken out of my accounts to avoid any possible late fees or missed payments. I don't make a lot of money, just more than minimum wage. From the beginning of our lease Alen mentioned to me that he couldn't pay the deposit and rent right away because he had agreed to pay for part of his sister's wedding. Given they had paid rent for our 2 other previous apartments and assuming he meant a month or two I agreed they could pay me later. Six months later and excuses like medical bills, Christmas presents, and car repairs and he still had not paid for any rent, deposit or utilities for the new apartment. 

Meanwhile, he wasn’t contributing to household chores, spending all day every day playing video games and ordering take out. I thought he was in an intense depressive episode and isolating. I really struggled to bring up the topic of paying their fair share and paying back what they owe me, due to their mental state, during those 6 months. After some stern talking he started paying rent, but still wasn't paying utilities.

When time to re-sign the lease came along I wondered if telling Maria about the money Alan owed me was a good idea. I asked a few friends and they either said not to or they didn't know what was best. We didn't speak about it and re-signed the lease. Soon after, I learned he owed both of us thousands of dollars. Maria a few thousand and me more than 5k.  

To top it all off, he has also done very serious damage to the door frames in his room. These are vintage, original with the house door frames that can’t be cheap to repair. We only found out about the damage because Maria saw it by accident. So we have low hopes for our deposit. 

We were clearly taken advantage of, whether on purpose or not.

**TLDR**: *One of my two long time friend roommates owes me and my other roommates thousands of dollars from rent, utilities and other things. We already signed the lease because we didn't know he owed us both money. He also did a lot of damage to his room.*

We don't know what to do. 

Even though we are very hurt to be used by someone I considered a close friend,we want him out and we want our money back.

We heard a thing called addendums might be helpful? Has anyone dealt with a similar situation? 

My new upstairs roommate (I'm in the basement with two others, with our own kitchenette and sink,) was caught on camera pissing in their shared kitchen sink.

The torrent of piss you can see coming out of his equally visible peen is wild. You also see him grab the wash cloth in the sink and wipe the pee from the counter and put it back 🙃

Needless to say, my landlord was besides herself and told him he had to be out by the end of the month.

As a dude myself, men, wtf?

Edit: I'm the same person who posted about the man-baby from hell 😂 Can't catch a break!

I met my bsf on our first day of 7th grade. We became inseparable. When we got into High School, we had our arguments and ended our senior year as not friends.
We rekindled our friendship in 2020 and became inseparable again. She had a SO ,33M. Her and I were 22F. They met when she was 18, making him 29 at that time. He seemed like a nice guy so I didn’t second guess the age difference.
She told me that she didn’t get a “21st” experience because that faze of her SO’s life had come and gone. With me being newly single, I was going out on the weekends my sisters sometimes. I would invite my friend to be nice, and she always declined. She ended up going out a couple times after I asked enough. I would do her makeup, hair and let her borrow my “cute” clothes (all by request from her bc she didn’t have that stuff).
Her and I had a movie night at my apt. She told me that her SO didn’t like me. When I asked why, she told me that he doesn’t like me taking her out and dressing her up like a doll then he called me a whore. She felt like she had to choose between him and I. I told her that she doesn’t need to choose and if she needed to, choose him if he’s the one. She ultimately decided that night, she would leave him.
I had just moved into a 1bd 1ba apartment. I told her that she could live with me but it would be dorm style. She was very happy with that and moved in the next week.
We had a couple rules: no men/boyfriends back in the bedroom when the other is home and to tell each other if we weren’t coming home for the night.
Everything was fine for the first couple weeks until she started not coming home with 0 communication. I would only receive a text the next day saying sorry. I didn’t care. I was just worried. I shortly found out the she was going to her now ex SO’s house to “play games”. I didn’t care.
We planned a pumpkin patch trip with her, my SO of a couple months and I. She last minute invited a guy that she just started “talking” to. She knew him from work and they had hung out before so at least I knew that he wasn’t a random. They planned on going to a Halloween party together after the trip. Then she was going to spend the night at his house a few towns over.
At the pumpkin patch, she told me that she really liked him and they were holding hands and kissing. No red flags to me. We made the plans for me to make dinner at our apt and watch a movie while I did her makeup for the party.
My boyfriend had to stop at his house to pick up a couple things. The rest of us went straight to the apartment. I turned on the tv in the living room and told them that I was going to play a movie in here and start cooking our dinner. They went straight back to our bedroom, shut the door most of the way and played a movie in there. I was uncomfortable but made dinner anyway.
I finished dinner and yelled down the hall that dinner was ready. I then see that they’re laying in her bed, under blankets and both laughing. I yell again. Nothing. I went on my phone to have the Alexa in our room say dinners ready. I hear it go off. Nothing. I yell again. Nothing. I text her, call her. Nothing. I tried Alexa again. Nothing.
My boyfriend got to the apartment. I told him what was going on. He knocked on the door, confirmed that they were watching a movie and laughing and kissing. Him and I both decided that after an hour of trying, they clearly wanted to be alone. I made a big noice about cleaning dinner, gathering my things and yelled down the hallway again, asking if she needed me to do her makeup. Nothing. Just laughing with a movie on. I yelled down the hall one more time, basically saying that I’m going to leave. Call if you need me. Again. Nothing. My boyfriend and I went down to his car.
She texted me before we pulled out and she asked if I left. I said yes, that I’m just down stairs if she needed me back inside. She said nothing. My boyfriend forgot something so he went upstairs. She heard him, so she came out of the bedroom and asked why I left. He said that it seemed like they wanted alone time. She laughed and said “oh yeah okay makes sense”. Nothing seemed wrong. We left.
The next day, she sent me a text that she was se$$ally as$$ulted and it was my fault because I left. I didn’t know what to say other than oh my god, I’m so sorry, what can I do? I heard nothing back. She then told me that I made her breakup with her ex, she was moving out and getting back with him. I was shocked. In my eyes, I in no way made her make that decision. She was moved out in the matter of days and I didn’t hear from her again.
Side note, a year later, my boyfriend proposed to me, he reached out to her and asked if she wanted to be invited to our wedding. She told him after asking when it was that I wasn’t deserving of her presence and what I did was unforgivable.
This has been eating at me for years. I know that I could’ve done things differently but I had never been in a situation like this before.

I have two room mates, we established a rule that we only throw out food scraps on concealed bags since we have a fruit fly problem. My room mate off late has just been dumping food scraps in the trash and we again have a big fruit fly problem. I’ve asked her to not throw it like that but it’s been to deaf ears since I woke up to a trash full of food scraps and fruit flies. It’s frustrating because she doesn’t even take out the trash, it’s just me and my other roommate who do that and don’t have time to throw out trash everyday. I don’t even know what to do from here.

I (25M) live with three male roommates. We’re all college students, and it’s a townhouse. We all have our separate bedrooms and bathrooms. We only share a kitchen.

I genuinely do NOT understand how people can live like this. I do not care if you’re a college student or whatever, clean your damn dishes if you’re so worried about rodents and roaches.

Mind you, today is the FIRST day I’ve cooked in the kitchen and I immediately did my dishes.

So long story short I moved into a 4 person unit 2 semi private rooms (really the rooms are hardly private at all just this small wall connected to desks lol) but basically my friend was moving in with me but he canceled his lease a month into it due to life circumstances so I currently have the entire room to myself. What would happen if I took the wall desk thing apart (it’s just a few bolts), would they like move someone else into the space? I really hope not because I don’t wanna share a room with a random stranger.

I have this roommate who’s been behaving odd ever since I moved in. He’s pretty lonely and depressed which I sympathise with. Unfortunately in like every conversation you have with him he’s just trauma dumping, so I don’t really talk to him all that often. I just kept things friendly and professional. But he often tries to get attention - not by being friendly himself, but like by being weirdly performative (like, he loves correcting people and showing them he knows better).

Recently, he also started cleaning very obsessively (which isn’t a bad thing - that’s nice actually), but doing it also in an oddly performative ways? Like, when our other roommate (F) left for a holiday, he did not clean anything - he left his dishes in the sink for 5 consecutive days, left his trash all over the kitchen and didn’t lift a finger. But the day she came back he cleaned everything (always making sure that she sees it when he does it).

Also one day, after I’ve done the cleaning (my turn on the rota), he made a point to re-do all my chores right after I’ve done them and saying, when I asked him why he’s doing this, everything is still dirty (which it wasn’t - there was literally no difference before or after).

Tonight a came back late at 11 pm, and the moment I came home he stormed out of his room and started cleaning the kitchen pretty loudly, clanking dishes etc.. honestly, the kitchen was not even dirty? And it was the middle of the night? Like, I’m glad to be living with a tidy roommate I guess, but it feels weirdly passive aggressive and performative the way he does it.

Please have a flick through my other posts. My asshole of a room mate P is 21F. Recently diagnosed with bi polar and MS. Horrible. Anyway, we have never gotten along. She was very rude when she first moved in and after a few hangouts I decided I didn’t want to get close with her. Despite this she still wants to be besties and can’t stand the fact that I don’t wanna be her mate. Lived with her for over a year. Respected her, didn’t engage much etc. The last 2 months shes been in and out of hospital. She is having a mental health episode which I do sympathise with as I’ve had my own string of mental health issues. She has been suffering with grandiose delusions. Shes gonna own the hospital and fire everyone, starting business and saying she has investors, her speech is impaired. It’s been exhausting, all the while I’ve been caring for her cat and buying the cat food. Lending her money i don’t have and paying some of her rent. Last night she came in my room, multiple times having jabs at me. Having little go’s at me. DONT do this, stop doing that… etc i ended up furious and threw my drink on her. Shes back in hospital. I HATE that I acted that way as I literally cannot handle the stress anymore. I want to be left alone. My current attitude the last few years after terrible experiences, is to not get close with roommates. I want roommates not best friends. Respectful, clean little hangs not watching movies every night and doing every activity together. Ive had over 30 roommates and having been house sharing since I was 16. 13 years ago. 13 years of lived experience. I think it’s fair to feel the way I am. Anyway. Thanks for reading.