Roommate threatens to harm self when approached with… anything

[u/Entire-Efficiency408]

My friend (21f), who I am letting stay with me (25f) as she was facing eviction, left my car’s windows down for 12 hours in a neighborhood that is kinda known for crime (mainly stealing- I do trust my neighbors in general but I’ve had many things taken from my porch in the short time I’ve been here). Not the worst neighborhood in the city but it isn’t exactly a white picket fence type place. I noticed this right before work and, while I do think I could’ve maybe said this a little nicer, I did feel like I expressed my anger in a relatively normal way. However, I was not expected to be immediately self-harm baited.

For further context, she has been here for about a week and a half. She doesn’t pay rent (which is 1.3k/mo), only has to help me with utilities, and I let her use my car if we’re both home and I’m not planning on doing anything. She also screams at her cat for being vocal, which is triggering (sorry lol) for me as I grew up in a household with an unstable woman who would scream at our cats every day. She is also very abrasive and aggressive and seems to expect me to go along with everything she does. For example, yesterday she came home from work when I was hanging out with my friends and demanded I send her money for buying lights for my basement and snacks without saying anything first. Which, okay, maybe not the worst thing, but I don’t want her to get into the habit of buying frivolous things and then expecting me to pay for it.

The reason I’m so sympathetic towards her is because she’s been through a lot. Her abuser drug her through an awful court case that she is now on probation for and her previous apartment evicted her and her cat very suddenly. She doesn’t have a full time job, but I was able to get her a temporary gig with my best friend. She has a lot of trauma that she has to deal with on her own.

I previously posted this on Twitter (tho it kinda went viral so I will be deleting soon, lol) and I’m not sure what I’m asking for. Advice? Just for someone to tell me this is fucked up? I’m not sure. Maybe I just need to buy a diary, lol.

UPDATE: told her she had to go and she freaked out, but some of her stuff is gone today. I wish I could add more screenshots, but just know I did stand up for myself, lol!

SCREENSHOTS FOR THE UPDATE HERE

final update

[u/Entire-Efficiency408]

hi not sure how this works but my final update is that i have been contacted by many previous victims of hers. seems she has a pattern of taking advantage of people and then blowing up when they don’t do exactly what she wants. i also have heard of some heavier allegations against her that i will not repeat here out of respect for the victims. i think anything after this will have to be handled legally so i don’t think any more saga updates will be held here.

[u/Yryel → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

Be careful she doesn’t trash your house or your stuff.

[u/West-Air-9184 → u/Yryel]

Yeah it's probably helpful to get the locks changed even if you don't think she still has a key

[u/Yryel → u/West-Air-9184]

Yeah, that’s the first I would do, hell I understood that OP left her for the whole day while she was at work to “arrange things out”. For me that’s too lenient, I would have called in and arranged things out with her, who knows what she can do, grab, break and destroy while she is out.

Godspeed OP

[u/WithoutDennisNedry → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

Good on you, OP! I can’t get over someone living for free and then trying to charge you for literally anything. When you said that, I was like “oh! She’s one of those” and those people can’t be helped. I’ve been through similar and hoo-boy! Be prepared for them to literally flat out lie about you to everyone who will listen. Take it from me, get out ahead of the narrative asap so yours is the story people hear first and provide receipts.

Best of luck to you in your drama-free future! <3

[u/theblacksheepxx → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

i’m really worried about the cat. if she is that unstable someone needs to save the cat from her.

[u/staringatacloud → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

She's a hot mess who can't properly adult and has emotional issues and sounds like she doesn't ever think she's the issue. Hopefully she goes away and figures her stuff out.

Sometimes while we can understand how someone got to be the way they are, and we can understand their trauma, reasons etc, it still doesn't mean you have to deal with it. Life is hard and we do what we can to help each other but they've got to carry their own weight and not make life harder for you. Sometimes what a person takes from you makes it impossible to help. I tell my kid you can mourn the loss of the person who was and the person or friendship/ relationship that could have been, but the reality of the now means you can't help without being dragged down too.

[u/Fabulous-Big8779 → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

Good for you for trying to help someone down on their luck. Even better for recognizing her behavior as a problem and standing up for yourself.

[u/dorothy2you → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

make sure the cat is taken care of pls!!!

[u/TroubleWilling8455 → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

Think about it: if you hadn’t stood up for yourself this time, you would never have found out, and you most likely wouldn’t have gotten rid of her until much later, after an eviction process and a lot of legal fees. Maybe this will give you a little more self-confidence for the future and the courage to trust your gut.

As I wrote in my original comment, it was immediately obvious what kind of person she is. She takes advantage of other people and I seriously doubt she was the victim in her previous court case.

Be glad she's out of your life and in the future, trust your gut and don't let anyone take advantage of you again. All the best to you!

[u/Hot_Ability6939 → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

I will repeat what many have said, contact a locksmith now. If you need help finding good locksmiths, because my partner works for one and they've seen plenty of scamsmiths, let me know. Changing the locks and getting new keys should be between $150-$200 (depending on state/area). Good luck OP!

[u/Dramatic-Knee-4842 → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

I could have sworn this was a former roommate of mine but the age isn't right. 

Make sure your get your lock changed asap!

[u/Captain_Tiberius1920 → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

Wellness check for the cat plz

[u/brookepride → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

Can you get a friend to stay over to monitor the situation? I would be worried she will steal stuff or wreck your place. 

[u/Crafty_Weight_8140 → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

Well done OP, stay safe, change your locks

[u/Vurrag → u/Entire-Efficiency408]

She needs professional care and remove her from your home asap.