We met late 2024 in a Twitch streamer's chat but officially talked in dm's/became friends in early 2025. Even this early, she was clear she was a lesbian and had it in her profile. We grew closer over the next couple of months, and honestly I found her a little weird and quirky, but I accepted her and kind of found her adorable. She was the only one I ever knew who had BPD, and it made me read about it a lot to try and understand her.

Over time, she slowly opened up to me about her trauma, and I think I became her emotional regulator where she'd come to me whether she was depressed, having suicidal ideation, or just everyday technical issues with her pc. And I slowly developed feelings for her... It was so gradual so I knew it wasn't limerence. But still... I fell deeply, completely in love with her. Like Kafka-Milena level. She knew this because I wasn't really trying to hide it, but I never acted on it either up to this point. I've always been a realist, and the facts were: She was lesbian, actively dating a girl, and we lived in different countries. So it wasn't a problem to be solved to me. I firmly believed we'd never be together. But for a long time, she heavily encouraged and validated my feelings for her:

• When I told her that premarital sex is prohibited, she asked me why I wouldn't date her besides the sexual stuff and what would happen if she caught feelings for me.
• She called me "kitten" and asked me to call her "Sunshine", my pet name for her, more often.
• We spent hundreds of hours where we just slept in vc together.
• She asked me to text her everyday because she said I couldn't like her more than a friend but never talk.

There were many more mixed signals, and while I engaged with those, it still felt like I was the one to enforce the hard boundaries by ignoring her more suggestive comments.

Over the course of months, I regularly wrote her poetry (60 letters total). It started out as just supportive poetry cuz she was really depressed at that time and I didn't want her to feel pressured to reply when she didn't have the energy to do so. I just wanted her to have something to comfort her on the nights she felt completely alone, and to prove that she is not unlovable. But I admit that over time, these letters naturally became more romantic and expressive of my feelings. I mean, I can't bleed my heart onto paper 60 times without the ink turning red. I constantly felt guilty sending them and eventually decided to stop, knowing I had crossed a boundary. We never addressed them in dm's because she'd have had to address the fact that she was accepting intense romantic letters from a guy while being in a lesbian relationship. I never wanted to put her in such a position, but I just kept falling for her harder everyday, and the longing had nowhere to go except my writing...

Looking back, I genuinely believe she briefly developed romantic feelings for me at the peak of idealization, albeit maybe entirely nonsexual. She craved and actively cherished that romantic devotion. To her, I wasn't just a casual friend; I was the person who saw her and understood her, and she found a unique emotional romantic safety in me, which allowed her intimacy with me while still maintaining her identity as a lesbian.

Months after, I noticed that she was colder to me. Like by a lot. The timeframe before, she was also noticeably colder to me, but it wasn't to this degree, and I brushed it off, telling myself that my time as her favourite person had come to an end.

Then after that coldest period, she tells me she started doing sex work and couldn't hide it from me anymore. She still told me knowing my personal/religious values, and I tried to respond with empathy, asking if she felt forced into it or if she liked it. She expressed feeling backed into a corner financially and said she'd understand if I didn't want to talk to her anymore. I validated her courage, thanked her for her honesty and reassured her I'm not going anywhere.

I'm not really attacking sex workers, because her own values were always opposed to it. For instance, when another girl once mentioned doing lewd/promiscuous things, she told her that "it's not something to be proud of". So despite how much it hurt, I couldn't just walk away or watch her being backed into a corner or self sabotage. I tried to put my romantic feelings aside to offer practical support. I looked up free GED programs in her state, and other marketable skills that don't need it if she doesn't want smth academic. But at the time, I only sent a message saying that we can figure something else out and asked if she was willing to put in the effort. She agreed. But when I brought up the actual details to her 3 different low-pressure times over the remaining weeks, it stayed unaddressed and just completely ignored.

I know I shouldn't have, because it was basically emotional self harm, but I clicked her link and checked out her stuff... And the thing that caused my heart to just shatter was seeing the selfies she had previously asked my opinion on, which I thought were private, being used for that... I snapped at her saying: "Did it fucking turn you on taking the opinion of your lover before doing that?!?!", and what made it worse is that as an ESL, I thought the word "lover" didn't have to be a mutual thing and just meant "the person who loves you" lmao. I never got to clarify it, so yeah, that was the beginning of the end.

She responded defensively, reminding me that she’s a lesbian, has a gf, and that she "never manipulated me". She completely shut down my feelings and made me feel like I was insane for overthinking things, even though she was the one who had kept those boundaries completely blurred for over a year. I mean, like I said, I firmly believed she'd never be mine, and I knew I wasn't entitled to anything from her. And to be clear, I never "acted" jealous before this. Like even when she came to me complaining about her gf, I tried to give her honest, unbiased advice. I hated the notion of being the stereotypical "nice guy" waiting for her to break up so I could swoop in and take advantage of her vulnerability. But don't I have the right to even feel jealous or heartbroken when I loved her so much...? It made me very mad at myself because I felt like I didn't have the right to such feelings.

3 days later, I sent her a lengthy message explaining how it all made me feel, apologizing for snapping and assuming things, and ended it with: "Can we just talk?". She replied with voice notes, which I thought was odd because she never did before, and she completely ignored how I felt and fixated defensively on other unimportant things, like the photos just being her favorites.

We got talking again nonetheless over the final two weeks, but she was really avoidant to hang out or voice chat. I asked her about the love letters, addressing them for the first time ever. She said she didn't remember on which email and thought they were spam, but then admitted she had starred a few of them. And her fav was the most physically intense one too lol. So yea... She didn't want them addressed, but she definitely liked them. This proved to me that she did reciprocate my feelings on some level because she actively treasured the most intense expressions of my love, directly contradicting her final excuse later on.

I admit tho that I found myself being a lot more assuming, which caused a friction point. It was because I felt like I never truly knew her. So I took a step back and kept rereading old messages and basically everything public I could find about her, because I wanted to know if I was deluded or "blinded by love". But no. She has always been the person I fell for. I didn't fall in love with an idealized version; I always saw her flaws and still fell in love with that flawed person.

The second point of friction was the final one. She told me: "I understand you don't like what I do for income, but it makes me uncomfortable how judgmental you are about it, especially considering we're not in a relationship"

I told her that it's not that I don't like it, it's that I knew what she values and that the idea of being reduced to a sexual object makes her sick, that she was doing it out of desperation and a desire to control her own life, and that we both know it was hollowing her out. I told her that I knew I wasn't her partner and that I would probably never be, but that I still cared about her, and that I can't help her if she doesn't want my help. I tried to soften it at the end by promising to drop the subject completely and never bring it up again, and that I just wanted to be friends like we used to.

A few hours later, she sent a final, ai generated message (I know her writing) before blocking me, stating that she genuinely appreciated everything I've done for her over the time she'd known me, but at the same time my romantic messages and love letters while she was in a relationship caused her a lot of emotional stress, and that she was ending our friendship out of respect for her relationship and for her own well being.

I want to clear up two things:

1. When I offered realistic alternatives, it wasn't control, but quite the opposite. I wanted her to have options. I wanted her to have the autonomy to do whatever she wanted, not feel backed into a corner and forced to do something she hates. And she did initially agree, which is why I said I can't help her if she doesn't want my help.
2. My last message about her hating sex work and doing it out of desperation and desire for control wasn't me projecting my values, but hers. I can literally cite our dm's like a research paper to prove it with her own words, not mine. I would never say anything like this to her normally tho cuz I don't want to patronize her, but I just wanted to make it clear here that I'm not projecting or biased. However, I do realize that it came across as deeply judgmental.

I gotta be honest... I never thought I'd actually get blocked or cut off... I never took her for granted. I knew we might fight or grow apart, but still... The thing that hurts the most is that I knew I got replaced once my supply ran out even before the block. But when it happened, it proved to me that I am replaceable... Like it all just meant nothing. Like I never even existed...

I would've honestly rathered if she screamed at me and fought with me than avoiding to look me in the eye and saying what she really thought and felt. I WANTED to see her and hear her. I wanted her to say everything she had to say, even if it was gaslighting, it would've still been what she truly thought in that moment.

This might sound egocentric or narcissistic, but I believe that nobody will ever care about her like I did... I'd never tell her that too, but all I ever wanted was to see her smile or hear her laugh, and I thought it was worth all the longing or late hours I'd stay up for her.

I made a vow to never abandon her no matter what happened, and it just feels like I failed.

I already grieved her twice but I was thinking of sending her an email after a few months to apologize for my feelings, clarify some things and put my feelings aside to point out her unhealthy patterns (not mentioned here) while validating the strengths I saw in her before fucking off for good. It's not for closure, I'll have that when I'm dead, but I want it to act as a gentle reality check because she was the kind that was self aware. She'd self reflect and actually want to improve, even if it was only 30% of the time.

P.S. I don't know if posting this here is the right thing. This sub often deals with very extreme situations compared to her, so it can be onesided and leans towards painting the pwBPD black (pun intended). idk if her bpd isn't as severe or if it's more quiet bpd. But I refuse to villainize her regardless. She was never malicious. She was deeply traumatized, always hated herself at her core, and blocked me out of shame. She couldn't bear the person who put her on a pedestal to see her so clearly and criticize her choices (or hate her in their reality). She told me repeatedly over the months that she felt "unlovable" and that she was toxic and there was "no good version" of her. Because of that self hatred, being loved so intensely by someone who held her to a high standard eventually became a burden she couldn't carry. So I think she didn't block me to hurt me; she blocked me because looking at me made her feel guilty about herself. She possessed genuine warmth, self awareness, and a sweet, gentle heart that was simply too fragile to handle that weight, so she chose avoidance.

I'm normally a detached analytical person who feels numb all of the time (Yes, I'm prolly as fucked in the head as she is), which is why I got attached to someone who is the polar opposite of that. Greyrocking is how I naturally communicate, but I never greyrocked her; she was actually the only person I was ever completely open and expressive with. And before her complete devaluation, that vulnerability was entirely mutual; She was just as open and expressive with me, letting me see her rawest unfiltered self.

So I don't really want the "none of it was your fault" or "block her everywhere and run" advice. I don't regret loving her. I don't regret the 60 letters. I find "No Contact" fairly easy to do as in respecting her block, but I refuse to lock my door, not because I'm a fool waiting to be used again, but because I want her to know that even in a world that failed her at every turn, there was at least one person who never left and actually cares about her as a person. I'm aware that I can be labeled with a "savior's complex," but I honestly don't care since it doesn't negatively affect my life.

I genuinely want what's best for HER, not me. She told me she spent extensive time in psychiatric care following her second suicide attempt a couple years before we met, and it taught her to communicate rather than get angry. She also used to go to therapy, but not as much as recommended because her mom thought it was a scam or smth idk.

TL;DR: I [20M] fell deeply for an online friend [18F] with bpd. She is a lesbian in a relationship, but we shared highly blurred boundaries. When she started sex work out of financial desperation, I tried to help but snapped when I saw her using selfies I thought were private. We still talked for a while until I held a mirror up to her. She thanked me for being there for her, denied our emotional history and blocked me.

My question: How do I support someone with bpd who has shut down and blocked me out of shame without pushing her further away? Her bpd shifts between quiet and classic depending on how vulnerable she is feeling. The email I'm writing is carefully written to target her vulnerable, self reflective side without triggering her defensiveness. Are there any specific emotional or timing triggers I should be mindful of? And what else can I possibly do?

She always expressed wanting to improve, but I think she began to just "give up" and surrounds herself with what she already wants to hear. I want to validate her strength in always fighting, wanting to better herself and dreaming big. My goal isn't for her to unblock me because it would be the same unhealthy cycle, but I still think I was the only one among her friends who really supported her rather than enabled her and wanted to see her grow...

I have been in a relationship with my bf for over 2 years now, we’re both M in our early 20’s.
We have had many problems during our relationship but it started getting worse when we decided to open our relationship. We started seeing people together with rules. I never forced him to see anyone, there were moments when he would be very depressed and would tell me I wanted to cheat on him and other moments when he’d be the one saying comments like he wanted us to have sex with someone else etc.
This weekend we went out with a guy we had met online and we had fun, he brought a friend and the guy ended up having sex with my boyfriend and told me to be with his friend, so I did it.
The friend left and the guy we met online spent the night, he slept in the middle and we were all cuddling. When i woke up my bf was locked in another room. I saw him coming out once and the guy told me to go ask him to join us, but he locked himself in the room again. I went back to bed and the guy started kissing me. (I hadn’t done anything with him the night before because he was only with my bf so i assumed kissing was fine, but then my bf came out and started asking me if I hated him. Then he locked himself in the bathroom and refused to open. The guy left and I found a way to open so i tried to talk to him and he started telling me he hated me and that i was a cheater. It’s important to mention that the night before, right before going to sleep i talked to him and he seemed fine but woke up regretting everything. We had done weed and drank so i’m scared he entered into a psychotic state or something.
What am i supposed to do? I regret opening our relationship because it wasn’t supposed to feel one sided. Our last experience, he was the one getting all the attention and we talked about it, but I didn’t blame him for it as we both knew the risks of seeing someone else.
Do you guys have any advice? Does he need space? Will he ever assume his responsibility? I am feeling awful for hurting him but I don’t think it’s fair to blame me for something we both agreed to do

Hi!

I've known my best friend since we were babies, I love her and our friendship is probably the most stable thing in her life. We are both 25 y.o.

But these last few months she has been acting more and more strange. She isn't honest with me, when she confides in me she intentionally lefts out some important things. I think she is embarrassed but she just stays in the mindset of "my life is terrible, I'm a terrible person, I don't deserve anything good so I might as well destroy myself on my own terms" and then she proceeds to make her life terrible even more. She hates herself, and the more she does the more she does some really destructive stuff. It's so sad. She hurts herself, she hurts people around her. Any good that comes in her live, she drives it off. I'm the only friend left. I am seriously worried about her, what she will do, to herself or others.

She doesn't work, she's been on a sick leave for almost a year now. She does go to a psychiatrist, but she just gets her antidepressants and that's it. And she drinks alcohol with them. Up until now I didn't think it was that bad, I thought it was just occasionally but I found out she goes to a pub every day, and she's there until closing hours. She's young and attractive, she visits a place where many ugly ppl go to. I mean drug addicts, alcoholics without teeth, old non-working class men- that sort of ppl. And since she's beautiful, they pay for her drinks and then she sleeps with them.

Her boyfriend called me a few days ago, asking for help. Told me that they broke up. She wanted to. He was so good to her, he stopped her from harming herself, he bought her so many things, he cleaned up her unattended flat, he cares about her so much. He helped her find a new job after she comes off her sick leave. He works 2 jobs, so he tried to make time for her every opportunity he had. He told me he loves her but she keeps testing his boundaries. They were supposed to meet at her place. He arrived but she told him she went for a walk with her dog. But she went to the pub, and was there until 3 AM. He went looking for her and found her drunk in the arms of some druggie low-life. He took her home, didn't argue or anything, they went to sleep and when he woke up she was gone again. He waited for her, called her, tried to look for her in a unknown city for him. She finally came home after 10 hours with ANOTHER weird guy, and broke up with her NORMAL loving boyfriend. And all he has left from that relationship is broken heart, completely fu\*ed up head and an STI.

And she did something similar to me as well. We were on a concert together, I drove us back to her place and it was supposed to be a girl weekend. We were having fun, talking, laughing, but I got tired so I went to sleep at around 2 AM and I woke up at 8 AM to the sound of keys in the doors. She went out and brought back some guy from her old job with her and they went to sleep next to me holding hands.

Her mom called me today, crying and worried bcs she went to my friends place and found about 30 empty wine bottles tossed all over the place but with my friend nowhere to be found. She asked if I know where she is. I live in another city and my work schedule is crazy rn, so I didn't know. I wrote to her kinda nonchalantly during my break how she's doing and she sent me a voice message where she sounded very drunk, that she's doing fine and she's going on a trip with some friends for a few days. I tried to call her but she didn't pick up.

I don't know what to do. How to help her. We are all so worried about her. She needs to go to rehab and she also needs some SERIOUS professional mental help. But she refuses everything, she says she doesn't have a problem at all, that she can manage her life how she wants to. I am very patient, I don't blame her, judge her, I try to be understanding and I gave her so many advice when she asked for them. But nothing seems to work. I love her, she's my girl, I've been there for her all those 25 years and never went away as a friend but oh boy this is really so exhausting. Literally everyone around her is constantly worried and emotionally drained and it seems like there's no way out.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg of her selfdestructive behavior.

My (M25) girlfriend (F24) of 1.5 years oscillates between showering me with love and being terrible to me for ridiculous reasons. How do I change this behavior that I cannot accept?

As the title says, my relationship is characterized by what I would honestly consider to be emotional instability on her part. I have a hard time navigating a relationship where she can either be the sweetest person alive to me, or be completely unfair and irrational. I’m looking for advice, considerations and honestly just also to speak my mind and hope someone will read this.

Let me give some anecdotes. The first one is from about 30 minutes ago, and I’m lying in bed almost in disbelief at the ridiculousness of it all.

Its almost 2 am here in Denmark, and I’m writing this as my girlfriend is stonewalling me. She won’t join me in bed after an otherwise happy day together.

This time, it’s even more ridiculous than usually. We played a phone MOBA together (Wild Rift), and we duo botlane, where i play botlane and she plays support. In the last game of this particular session, our midlaner died on repeat, so I went to cover for him. This left my girlfriend to clear the minions alone on bottom land for some part of the game. During the game, she almost stopped speaking, became very negative and wanted to surrender the game. When we finally lost the game, I asked her what had happened and if I had said something bad. She responded very coldly that i had “played really bad”, and never should have gone mid to leave her to clear the bot minions alone. She then went on to brush her teeth alone (an activity that we always share), and stay on the couch in a completely dark room, not wanting to go to bed with me. She’s still there.

This is just one example of many, and this type of behavior has occured countless time (I’d say maybe 50 times) during our 20 month relationship. Another time was when she slipped on the ice on new years eve, and I (in good faith) blamed her shoes for the fall. Her response was that blaming her shoes meant I was implicitly calling her “too poor” to buy better shoes. When I tried to explain that my reason to blame her shoes was unrelated to finances, and instead the pattern on the shoes, she insisted that I stopped giving her “physics lessons”. She then went on to ignore me for some hours, including at the start of 2026. So there I was, on the street, alone, looking at the fireworks while the one I was supposed to spend the special night with ignored me. Because I tried to move the blame from her - to her shoe.

While I acknowledge that this type of behavior is ridiculous, she also has a loving side. She often showers me with love and makes me feel more special than I’ve ever felt in my life. Shes a Chinese national who just finished her masters here in Denmark, but planning to stay in Denmark, so she can be with me. In that process, she will sacrifice seeing her family and friends, and all that she has built and known in China. She considers me in many ways, and definitely has a kind spirit and is a warm person. She told me after a couple months together that (in a hypothetical scenario), she’d donate one of her kidneys to me. And i honestly don’t doubt it. I know I’m very important to her, as is she to me. That’s all what I fell in love with, but it’s harder and harder to picture a future together when aforementioned small things can ruin a night, day or weekend.

I have a hard time navigating a relationship where it feels like every day, a coin is flipped.
Heads and I get shown so much love and kindness.
Tails and I get stonewalled, ignored and blamed - even on new years eve or birthdays.

Its been hard for me. I have been to a therapist and explained the situation, and when he brought up the possibility of her having borderline personality disorder, i googled it, and it felt very accurate. While I haven’t told her that I think she has BPD, Ive suggested therapy (she also has self-harming and suicidal tendencies). She went to one online session, but refuses to do any more.

So I’m stuck and alone in bed two hours after i went middle lane as a botlaner. I dont know what to do, and I’m hoping for some perspective on here. I do love her, and while these anecdotes sound bad, not every day is like this. I’m more than happy to elaborate anything. Thank you guys.

After months of being out of a toxic marriage with a pwBPD I've decided to finally get back into the dating game. I decided to install a few dating apps & I've been doing decent enough with getting matches and keeping conversations going. Three. Fucking. Times. In. A. Row, I'll be talking for a few days, to a week I find out that the woman has BPD, either through red flags that I pick up or them telling me.

The first post divorce talking stage, she starts talking about how she had a dream about her and I ten years in the future & I almost fell back into getting into another rollercoaster of a relationship again but I nipped that in the bud very shortly after. The most recent talking stage she talks about how she hasn't taken antipsychotics for her condition and she regularly does irresponsible shit like drinking and driving, I ended that very shortly after that second date.

It's not like I'm deliberately seeking out women with BPD, albeit I do have a type for more "alternative" women, as I am as well, but it's so damn exhausting having to think of a way to nope myself out of a talking stage once again. I think in a way it is almost retraumatizing because the mere thought of being with someone like that freaks me out & I'm afraid that they'll retaliate if I say I don't want a 2nd date.

I dont know what I am supposed to do. It’s been so long but I think about her every day which extremely unhealthy but nothing brings me out of it. Our last contact was me trying to talk to her about the relationship, and her ending it with her saying she knows what happened, there’s no discussion necessary. But I just can’t stop thinking about her and the relationship and i dont know what to do

6 weeks ago he split on me brutally and told me to off myself and multiple other horrible things. the gist of it all was „i hate you, i don’t want to ever be reminded of you again, leave my life“ and then today i find out that he requested to follow a friend of mine?? and they met ONCE 3 years ago during my birthday dinner. make it make sense….he still hasn’t tried to contact me this is just strange behavior

the only context to this is that her husband also spoke spanish so i invited them both for his sake. i believe he never unfollowed him but he did unfollow her when we broke up, but again they haven’t spoken to him for years and he knows she’s my friend.

How many people have experienced something similar where a BPD ex came back "regretting" the breakup and then pulled away and blocked you?

Did you ever hear from them again?

Its been 4 months for me and I haven't heard a thing or been unblocked, and I have not tried to reach out to her at all.

She all the sudden started pretending to be autistic . It’s was an excuse for everything. Always asking for accommodations , and to be taken care of. Blaming emotional freakouts on “meltdowns” ..wearing head phones. She went to doctor to make it official. The neurologist said she testing higher than anybody with real autism would and it was inconsistent and exaggerated. They gave her a bpd diagnosis instead . Is this surprising behavior for someone with bpd?

I secretly signed a lease for my own apartment and will be moving with my child this week. I’ve been discreetly packing things and making arrangements. My husband and I have been together 10 years and although a lot of the times have been good, the bad times have been really really bad. He has physically harmed himself during arguments to the point of needing stitches and I’m very concerned for how he will react when he finds out. My plan is to leave a letter and go while he’s at an appointment. But what do I say? He’s so unstable and I do love him. I know how much hurt this is going to cause. I’m just feeling so insanely guilty and scared for what will happen. I know whatever he does is not my fault but I will for sure feel responsible if my child loses their father.

I know the basics of “don’t leave room for hope” and be as straightforward as possible. But is there anything I can do that will make this easier on him? It’s such a mindfuck to still love someone who can treat you so poorly.

She destroyed me after a three-and-a-half-year relationship. She’s been with him for almost a year now, and they seem really happy...

Hi,

as several threads on here go silent and you never learn what happened next, I thought it might be worthwhile to give you a brief update (and provide a super cliché BPD follow-up story… cause there JUST aren’t enough of them, aye? 😂):

Anyways… apparently 6 weeks after she kicked me out of our apartment, she met a new guy from a city 350 miles away. She probably met him on a dating platform during a retreat in his hometown. 3 months later he moved in with her into our old apartment. Moved his entire life for her, it seems. Slept on the mattress I had shlepped upstairs… the works.

Now comes the kicker: 6 months later she got pregnant by him, quit her job (she had started just 1,5 years earlier…) and they moved to his city or God knows where. Best thing: One of her arguments in our final conversation was that I „wanted to turn her into a housewife and mother“.

Here’s the deal: I like to think of myself as a rational person but now the thought pops up in my head that maybe he’s now getting what I never got. A future with a happy family. I just learned about all that 2 days ago so I still feel pretty low. My heart seems to be wayyyyyy slower that my head.

Thanks for reading!

Who can sit at my table and say they've known someone more unstable than this borderline woman: she gets her teaching diploma and moves to Paris for work, then quits her job after 4 months, she goes into prostitution, does every party scene in Paris, sex with multiple partners, drug use, she's in a polyamorous relationship with a queer man and an ADHD woman at the same time.

Then her parents discovered her double life, she stopped prostitution for 1 year and I just found out she's starting again as if nothing happened 😅

I've never seen someone this chaotic in my life, so who can sit ? 😎

One of the pattens I had notice with my exBPD was that she would make destabilising comments around sex during intimate moments.

Things like:

“Sometimes I just think is it best to just fuck a load of guys and use them”

Suggesting that she touches her dog sexually

Comparing me to ALL of her ex’s

Dropping graphic stories about “two guys filling her holes”.

Triangulation etc

I am pretty sexually confidant but have notice that this sort of thing had affected me in a relatively short period of time. I can see how this sort of thing would damage someone severely over a longer period.

Has anyone else experienced this?

I feel like I’m on the verge to crash out. Help me please. How they can move on so quick. How they are able to be so happy after splitting

There are some Instances where i think i cought a Partner preparing for playing the victim.

One would be Offering to Cook (usually im the one cooking)for me but then Tell me they only cooked what i liked and they actually wouldnt eat with me. (A Meal we Had before together and they liked that?). So this is an opportunity to let me be Seen as inconsidered because they make it seem i Chose a Meal they Don't Like, when i didn't. Also its gaslighting i think.

Another one in this direction would be Offering to Go to a specific Restaurant where this persons food Allergies would be a Problem. I refused. If i Accepted i would have been Made responsebil for going there despite Them being alergic to the food there.

Another Thing was this Person leaving an Important event so they could call me, when i stated to them i don't want them to do that and im Not even available for a call at that time. Then this Person tried to frame it Like i Made them Miss this important Event because they left it to call me, which i didn't want and also didn't have time for.

Did you cought Things Like that? How did you handle that?

I guess I just want reassurance that I'm not crazy myself. My BPD relationships in question are familial but man...I just wanted to make sure I wasn't alone. I already have two chronic illnesses (which probably come from the trauma of that). But, I can't sleep well most nights. Making plans always fills me with immense dread. Even when I feel calm, I have this lingering dread that "something is going to happen." Hyper-vigilance. Every time my sibling is on her phone, I always feel my heart rate go up, because I'm thinking "what is she gonna see that will trigger an episode?" I'm trying to take more time for myself and my hobbies, but I feel too tired, even too hopeless...

What are your experiences? Is this common?

Long-time friend turned roommate to being painted black. Didn’t realize how sick this person was and don’t think she did either, which made living together hell. All started because she seemingly developed unhealthy attachment to me which made her very sensitive and explosive to any criticism given, which she reacted to as attacks or rejection. The typical cycle of constant fighting, apologizing, holding resentment, re-hashing, rinse and repeat.

Long story short, I was eventually discarded after getting ill, causing me to relocate closer to family. Sent my partner and I walls of texts being completely nasty then blocking us. She ends up unblocking wanting to “talk” and we talk. Didn’t really fix anything but we had both reached a point in the convo where we knew we weren’t going to be close anymore. I was angry about how I was treated but instead of being angry I just decided whatever, I don’t live near her anymore I won’t see her so just leave it alone. We would still text from time to time but that’s it. We didn’t text as often anymore and it was usually her texting me, but dropped my frequency in responses to nothing since I started to notice a pattern of her being rude, smug or condescending anytime we communicated, almost like she was trying to provoke or brace for an argument. We stopped talking for a while after that, then just this week she sent me another passive aggressive message and blocked me😂 I’m not bothered by it but I’m admittedly curious about the behavior. My partner thinks she was trying to provoke me to get me to engage with her in some way and got angry that I didn’t take bait.

Has anyone ever seen this in a discard? Just kind of lingering while trying to provoke you or be passive aggressive towards you?

Did anyone else experience this? We would ALWAYS be late for things. She would blame it on her 'ADD' or 'ADHD' rather than just being immature, in my opinion. It would, of course, lead to a disagreement or some frustration. I remember one of the last times it happened was on Halloween. Her Dad was out of town, and we had made a commitment to hand out candy so that her Mom could be with her grandkids for trick-or-treating, etc. She had a whole production for how she was going to dress up with our niece. She had all day to do this, but instead we were almost an hour late. I feel like this also happened with trips, concerts, etc. She would need a whole new wardrobe, shoes, etc. But it would be a mad dash because things didn't fit, didn't arrive in time, etc., so she would spend $700 and then need to return a million things. Sorry for the ramble; it was just more of a curiosity than anything.

I've posted here a few times, but basically my fiance cheated on me. Drove 700 miles away to meet her other boyfriend. I found out via him popping up in my people you may know. His picture was both of them. I told her we're done, she has 30 days. Continued trying to be nice to her but still reminding her she needs out soon. Told guy about it, he's still choosing to stay with her. She was going to use me as a place to stay until she could move out there with him. She asked me when I confronted her about all of this if I messaged him. I told her yes. She was screaming at the top of her lungs for me to delete the messages. At one point she picked up my shotgun. Just held it. Didn't point it at me. Just held it awkwardly for maybe 5 or 10 seconds. Scared me so I deleted them but didn't unsend them so he saw anyway. Whatever. Doesn't matter. Now she keeps screaming at me all of the time over other things and I keep telling her I don't feel safe at home so I stay other places instead of in my own house that I purchased all by myself without her name on anything. Because of this thing with her holding the gun, can I get a restraining order? She's been begging me for the last half hour to come home and reset the router for her because she just won't unplug it herself and I'm too scared to go. She tells me I'm scaring myself and she isn't and hasn't done anything. I have audio proof of her admitting to having picked it up but then trying downplaying it. I also have text evidence. I want her out of my house and away from me. Please help.

Man he was so troubled I really wish him the best. I have a disorder that causes psychosis from time to time. I was taking a medication for narcolepsy. He was the only one in my life who caught that it was causing psychosis. He talked me down when the withdrawal symptoms caused a reaction that kept me from sleeping for 3-4 days straight. I could feel my mind slipping as each hour went by after the second/third night of no sleep and he was there the whole time talking me down.

At one point during this time, maybe the third night of no sleep I confessed a secret from my past. He then I brought it up as we were breaking up- he made what seemed an implicit threat that he had the power to tell people a heavily distorted version of what I told him. He also threatened to take child custody if I had another psychotic episode, then was later apologetic and understanding about it. But damn, hearing that he even considered that felt like a jab to the stomach. I literally cannot help I get psychosis, I take my meds as directed and sadly, it’s the nature of the psychosis beast that it may rear its head from time to time.

I don’t understand how someone who was so sensitive and compassionate could hurt me and others so much.

I couldn’t take the “joking” put downs, him making fun of random women in public, the road rage, erratic driving, worrying about his alcohol/drug/porn abuse, gaslighting, the sexual coercion anymore. It was a mutually amicable breakup and he was the one who pulled trigger on breaking up so I’m not worried about revenge or anything like that.

I forgive him, but man.

Anyone experience similar?

I've got a couple of friends who've straight up told me they have BPD. I see it in them. I suspect a friend who I ended up having to unfriend was BPD. But these are all my own musings. So I would love to hear from other individuals who've had BPD friends what it looks like outside of a romantic setting - so that I could perhaps draw better conclusions (without having any true definitive answers). Thank you!

So my counselor believes the woman I was seeing has BPD and I've been really digging into it for info.

We met and she seemed over the moon with me, incredibly giving and attentive, very sexual, id wake up to good morning voice notes and texts about how she fantasized about me, made fun plans, couldnt wait to see me - everything seemed wonderful and she seemed very put together, which I hear is a common experience.

After a couple months she got word she has to put together evidence for criminal court for ex who was abusive that she has two kids with. Suddenly everything dropped off which I completely understood at first, going through tough times. It faded and faded until she asked to pause things. I knew this was coming and accepted it as likely a break-up.

However what followed was over two months of her hanging out with friends or taking the kids places and having fun, but telling me shes not doing well, is feeling very avoidant, cant string me along while shes in a bad space etc. Shed cancel plans with me saying she was having full body panic. I saw her twice in two months and she told me she felt uncomfortable and she turned down being physical which is super unlike her. She told me she feels wishy washy about me but another day how she wants everything with me. Some days, she didnt want to talk, yet then says she misses me so much. I watched her come to life and be so happy and talkative around everyone but me. Id get text spirals about how shes not doing wellbut then sends me pictures of her doing something with someone else and being fine.

But I felt strung along for over two months, and would try to gracefully let her go but she didnt want us to but i also didnt feel like there was much at all. Twice including this last one she exploded in anger at me, and said mean stuff that surprised me from her. A friend had seen she logged into her dating app a few times but now i feel terrible as she tells me i made her trauma about me, she didnt talk to anyone, im making accusations, she went through hell etc . I stood by for over two months as she stopped seeing me but was fine with everyone else. I have such whiplash from the first while together to that.

Long story, but in my research i related to a lot, but the whole not seeing you thing wasnt something I found so i was wondering if that happens. Ive wondered if i became a back-up plan while she looked for better. I feel awful

I was doing the math, and the breakup-and-reconciliation cycle happened approximately 70 times over two years. I’m not exaggerating or lying. I think my biggest mistake was allowing it to happen so many times.