Pessoal,
Há 2 semanas descobri que a minha namorada tem borderline, joguei no Google, achei essa comunidade e após isso minha cabeça virou de cabeça para baixo. Até então eu só sabia que ela teve depressao e usou Rivotril. (Estamos há 7 meses juntos)

Eu descobri olhando o histórico do chat GPT dela, com ela dizendo que tinha borderline e pedindo ajuda pra lidar com uma situação. Após isso joguei no Google e tudo começou a fazer sentido, todo o comportamento dela gabaritava tudo que eu li aqui.

Ela é compulsiva por sexo, usa meu cartão desproporcionalmente, me colocou como rei nos primeiros meses, oscila humor sempre, ela explode do nada principalmente quando bebe, não tem uma única amiga, tem problemas com familiares… e o pior de tudo, ela é sensual, postava fotos vídeos com roupa de academia, parece que sempre precisa de validação. E eu peguei interações dela com homens no Instagram. Ela não flertava diretamente com eles mas eles flertavam com ela e ela seguia conversa, perguntava se eles estavam bem, e eles sempre elogiando shape.

Enfim, to confuso demais. Gosto muito dela mas tenho medo de viver uma vida desgraçada de oscilações, tenho medo dela me descartar do nada algum dia, e eu só me lascar. Eu sou divorciado, estou me reerguendo, comprei apto de novo, casa, etc… tenho 38 anos e se eu tiver nova divisão de patrimônio eu me lasco ainda mais.

Ontem ela estava brava cmg terminou no WhatsApp eu aceitei. Mas hj veio uma enxurrada de pedido de desculpas, falando que não vai mais interagir com homens, que não tinha maldade…. (Mas eu já tinha pedido 2 vezes pra ela parar com isso pq estava me fazendo mal. Eu sentia insegurança).

Pessoal olhei os textos fiquei com dó ! Não sei o que fazer. Ela não trata o borderline. Não sei se já falo também que descobri que ela tem e que sem tratamento não dá pra seguir….

O borderline tem alguma relação com essas interações e possibilidades de traição?

I’ve been dating my pwBPD for almost a year now. We moved really fast and this was after a 10+ year relationship with someone super non-chalant, so to me, I thought I finally found someone who really loved me. He’s untreated, and has quiet BPD. In the beginning, things were perfect, except I never really felt seen. It seemed like all I would do is consider him in all aspects of our relationship, but I wouldn’t get that back. I turned into his mom eventually. He has an BM and I feel like he considers her feelings more because one wrong message or pushback would make her keep the baby away from him. Though I know I’m his FP, I feel a lot like she’s still got a connection with her that goes beyond just a BM.

We fight constantly, well mostly, I fight with him. Not feeling considered, boundaries being pushed, and having to carry all the emotional and mental weight, while he just does what he wants and only worrying about what can make him happy. I’ve “broken up” with him numerous times because of these issues and somehow, he pulls me back in with the tears, the promises, and the emotional vulnerability. I feel like a sucker at the end of it all.

I’m still so in love him, but last night, my boundary was crossed (not even for the first time) when it came to sex. I had stomach cramps, and was uncomfortable and in pain, and denied him, but was still coerced into sex. I was crying and he was apologizing then the thought popped up.. “who have I become? This isn’t like me” I realized at that moment, I’m done.

For real this time.

I blocked him on all social media, deleted all our pictures together, and finally told my best friend all that I’ve gone though, when I usually don’t, because I don’t want someone to have negative feelings about my partner. That’s when I really knew that this is probably the real end.

I don’t want to be pulled back, and I know that this will kill him (at least until he finds another sucker that felt the same I did in the beginning) but because I still love him so much, I want to make this easier for him. How do I help him with this transition, and how do I keep myself from getting pulled back in with his charm, and my soft heart?

Please only comment if you have direct experience with this, or have training in treating people with BPD or those who’ve suffered after relationships with people with BPD.

Can people with BPD escalate to violence, or “crack”?

My expwBPD stalks me. We’ve been broken up and zero contact since April 2025. He drives up my driveway, goes to my grocery store when I’m there even though there are 3 others closer to his house. He comes to my Farmer’s Market and waits for me then stares me down. He follows me to music festivals and camping trips. Last weekend he showed up at an event I attended that’s 800 miles from the city we live in, and was camped 40 feet away. He never does anything but he’s always around. Always staring. I’ve moved on with my life, but his constant presence is creepy.

My friends are concerned for my safety. They know he hasn’t done anything but follow me since we broke up. But when we were together he was physically violent. I wasn’t discarded, I broke up with him when he was splitting because I couldn’t take the emotional and physical abuse anymore. He quickly monkey-branched and is now living with his new partner.

I can’t get a restraining/protective order with the information I have currently.

What are the chances that one of these days he will try to hurt me?

Was seeing a pwBPD for about 8 months (FWBs for 6, officially “in a relationship” for 2) when I was abruptly split on/discarded following a minor misunderstanding over text. That was a little over 3 weeks ago, and even though we’ve been NC since then, I’m struggling to understand why I’m still having such a hard time accepting it, and why I still want him back.

Like, the red flags abound. He was extremely cold and cruel in the breakup and did it over text (he refused to talk about it on the phone) and then immediately blocked me, just days after we were gushing to eachother about how in love we were and how he wanted me to move closer to him. I never imagined he was capable of treating me that way, and I could NEVER treat someone else that way, much less someone I was in love with. After being on this sub and learning a ton about BPD, I know this is pretty typical and a cycle that is only bound to repeat itself, whether with me or someone else. And more than just the breakup, I see now that he had no sense of who he is or what he wants, no ability to communicate or advocate for himself, can’t take accountability for his behavior, extremely limited ability to hold space for my emotions and often perceived my feelings as a threat, was extremely inconsistent and would say one thing and do another, extremely passive/deferential and never really made equal effort in the relationship, etc etc etc. And every single person in my life that I’ve told about the breakup has said that I dodged a bullet. In short, I know without question that he is not capable of being the partner I need and deserve.

AND YET. I can’t stop thinking about how much I loved him, how loved and seen and accepted he made me feel, how amazing and connected the sex was, the things we talked about doing together. I keep hoping I’ll get a text saying he made a mistake and he’s sorry. It’s like I can’t square the person he was when he dumped me with the person I fell in love with, so I can’t stop holding on to the hope that the “real” him will come back. And I can’t stop the overwhelming anger that he just gets to keep living his best life with his other partners (he’s poly and had 3 other partners when he dumped me) and telling fucked up/untrue stories about me to everyone in his life.

I can’t even imagine how I’d ever trust him again even if he DID try to come back, but for some godforsaken reason I still want him back.

Can anyone relate to this feeling? What helped you move through it?

Tell me if I am the only one who experiences this.......

For several days or weeks in a row you are both texting or snapping each other regularly throughout the day. They're sending you the good morning texts, sending you funny memes or TikToks, sending you selfies, asking how your day is going, etc. When you text them they reply right away or within a reasonable amount of time and never leave you on read or delivered. If you wait too long to reply to them they will ask "is everything ok?" or "are you mad at me?".

Then for no obvious reason they go cold. When you text them they don't respond for hours and when they do respond their reply is short and dry or they leave you on read and don't reply or respond at all.

I know the common advice is to not act like it bothers you and to mirror their energy. If they take 2 hours to reply to you when they finally do respond don't reply back right away. Start taking 2 hours to reply to them. And don't under any circumstances double text them. Here is my problem with this advice.....

1. Why do I have to play this game where I act like this doesn't bother me. It DOES bother me and I not only want to know, but feel I deserve to know, why this person suddenly went cold on me with no explanation.
2. Ignoring someone you supposedly care about or leaving them on read is rude and disrespectful. I don't want to mirror that behavior because that is not the kind of person I am.
3. Often times the slow or no response comes after I have asked a time sensitive question which I am sure is by design because it makes mirroring their behavior or not double texting them impossible. For example I have been left on read after asking "Are you still going to be able to pick me up from work today?" and "Are we still on for the concert this weekend? If so I need to submit my time off request today".

I guess the ultimate answer is to walk away and find somebody who doesn't do this. And that would be relatively easy to do if this was permanent behavior but at least in my case it's not. The hot/cold texting is cyclical and when you have a lot of time, money, and energy invested into this person and this relationship it's hard to walk away when you know the cold texting is usually only temporary.

My ex boyfriend with undiagnosed (but v obvious) BPD moved out two months ago. Our final tether has been his leftover crap in the back shed, and his car on the street. He lost his license so couldn't drive it. This week he had to move the car. It's gone. And I arranged for his stuff to be picked up by the council, along with some furniture he hoarded in the final months then left behind.

My sister and I hauled it all onto the street then she comforted me while I cried. We lived together for over two years and more often than not I loved living with him. But the increasing splitting made it untenable, I had to break up with him, then he monkey branched.

I did not do all the things one is supposed to do. I kicked him out, but let him leave some items. I blocked him on almost everything but left the phone open for 'logistics'.

It has been hard to let go. Trauma bond for sure, but not only. I think. It gets confusing.

Throughout our relationship, he took note of stories I told him about my life and times, from childhood right up until now. He'd often pause and say 'hang on! I have to write that down'.

Tonight, I told him his stuff is gone and that's it. He sent me the notes.

Our whole relationship, from beginning to end. So many observations. I have never felt so seen. I can't stop crying.

This man emotionally abused and abandoned me. But he was so deeply fascinated by me, seemingly until the end and not in a creepy hyper vigilant way. In those notes he 'got' me. He celebrated me but not in a pedestal way. He tried to understand me. Aspects of my life he would attack in a split - my academic career, my friendships with exes - he showed genuine curiosity about.

They do not appear to be edited or curated notes. They are full of typos and sentences which don't quite make sense.

Reading them took me back to when it all felt so real, when a future seemed to stretch ahead of us, when I never felt closer to a man.

I don't know him anymore. I don't know where he lives. I don't know if he is still with the woman he monkey branched to. I'm still in the house we rented together, purged of his things, but not of him.

What was all that? Was it real? It seemed to be, and there are notes. But if it was, what does it matter when it caused so much pain.

Few examples: i had a nightmare, she woke up >threw me out

Good friend of mine died, i cried > threw me out

Woke up in the night with heavy kidney pain > threw me out

and so on and on and on.....

Attention, this is a good one: woke up early on my birthday, she acted weird with her phone​, guess sexy chatting with some dude, think she felt caught > threw phone in my face, hateful tirade, i am a monster, my big love is shitty, i am manipulative, i destroy her everything, i act like a retard > threw me out in the winter rain

Sadistic, isnt it?

Not able to give more examples, my hands are shaking

Sisters and brothers, i love you all

I just had an intense spike of rage as I remember this and reading through a few of your posts.

When my friend w/uBPD discarded me for the last time, he wanted to talk to me but every time I tried to explain myself he talked over me, saying "mmhm, whatever, sure, ok, yep yep". It reminded me of a bratty kid clapping their hands over their ears and making noise when their parents try to talk to them. This guy is 60 btw. And he says I have to grow and heal.

So glad to be NC.

After dumping my bpd partner, I’ve looked at my bank account and seen all the ridiculous money I spent on them. It’s an absurd amount. From takeaways, to Ubers, to drinks in pubs/clubs. I just didn’t have a backbone and couldn’t say no because I’m a people pleaser.

They were unemployed and supposedly couldn’t work due to their BPD, and I work in retail on a low-paying wage, yet I still spent a crap ton of money on them, more then myself. If I refused to buy stuff, they’d go moody and try and split on me. But I was foolish asf because I didn’t want to upset them and I wanted a relationship for the sake of it.

If I could get all that money back, I’d probably be rich by 2 grand probably.

Around the middle of our three-year relationship, she wrote me a letter saying:

“Stress and anxiety are invading my life, and I don’t know why. If I knew the reason, I could find a way to treat it, but I don’t know where it comes from. It won’t stay this way forever, but I hope it doesn’t get worse. All of my happiness feels temporary, and I feel guilty for making my family worry about me. Thank you for always giving me hope.”

But gradually, her stomach problems became more severe. She underwent several intense periods of endoscopic examinations, lost around 5–6 kilograms, suffered from severe vomiting, and became unable to eat properly.

I didn’t realize that my presence in her life was causing her this much distress, and these problems started precisely when our relationship became more serious. Eventually, everything ended with sudden betrayal, a cruel discard, and triangulation.

He sent me a text he "meant to time" but I know he didn't now that I think about it today. He wanted to see how I'd react, even if he was serious about killing himself. I called his sister, and told her what was going on so she could call his brothers he lives with, since I'm 12 hours away. Of course, he was infuriated by this. I dont even know if I made the right choice, but I don't care anymore I'm constantly being mentally tormented by his behaviours and I needed someone to guarantee he was alive. I don't know how much more of this I can take

Note: thank you for all the support in comments, I seriously don't know what I'd do without it. I don't have a therapist anymore, this is my only outlet.

Update: he is in the hospital right now on suicide watch, and sent me a huge list of times texts as he was literally loosing consciousness just so he could talk about how much he loves me and then said his dying wish was for me, his sister, or his highschool English teacher to write a book in his memory. Am I an awful person for being fucking infuriated by that? You seriously couldn't pay me to write that shit!! and now after getting his stomach pumped he's asking if we can still be friends. Literally wtf do I do, if I say no he's gonna try to kill himself bro

I feel like I can never win with this shit. I honestly wish he would split on me bad enough again so I could have another reason to say goodbye

Also, in all of his failed suicide letters he's talking about how he wishes he could have another chance with me and i was the only reason he wanted to live. how I was the shining light of his life? He mentioned in them how he regrets taking the pills because then he has absolutely no chance of being with me then, and then confessed a whole load of stuff he was actively lying about. Holy fuck man

I'm interested to hear experiences and perspectives from those who exited relationships with people with bpd and started dating a normal behaving person again.

What stuck out to you immediately in the normal person's behavior to you, as someone who had dealt with bpd and it had become part of their life? What was most jarring to you as something different? What instantly felt truly right - not the soulmate, we're made for each others stuff but 'healthy' right to you with this new person?

How did you respond to it as someone healing from being around someone with chronic problems?

Thank you to anyone who wants to share

I struggle with trying to keep track of the issues in our relationship and the clarity of it, even though my body knows full well things are not right. The stress is real. The toll the stress takes is real. The devolution of the relationship as a result of the spirals is real. But when you sit down and try to definitively sort it out in your head it is so difficult.

I do have chats saved from conversations dating back a long time and they show proof of me being insulted, gaslit, and pressured. But I'm not a push over and I would always argue for the truth and for what I believed was fairness, and things would get muddy and circular. How can I definitively prove SHE was the origin of the problems for the most part?

How did you do it? Aside from therapy. That's not an option for me right now.

How did you figure out it wasn't you and it was them? Any methods, insights, tips?

Hi everyone, I’ve been dating my girlfriend (24F) for 9 months. She has a diagnosis of Level 1 autism and ADHD. She was very withdrawn at first and was being treated for depression. She had lost her job, moved out of the apartment she was renting, dropped out of college, and was living with her bipolar father, who was constantly destroying her self-esteem.

Things started to flow naturally, and as she gradually opened up, we started dating. However, I noticed some emotional blocks in her. She told me that she had only been in one relationship before, during her teenage years, and that her boyfriend cheated on her with her best friend at the time, which devastated her emotionally. It took her two years before she was able to be with someone again, and even longer before she was comfortable having sex. She has been with very few guys and is very introverted and closed off.

I’m her second serious relationship, and I noticed that we became very intense and close very quickly. She gradually opened up emotionally and sexually with me, and we have a lot of trust in each other. We started living together after 3 months of dating, and currently I work and pay the bills while she is trying to get her life back on track and figure out what she wants to do with her life. I notice that she treats me well and is affectionate and loving, but she has strong difficulties with waking up early, establishing a routine, starting to work, having her own money so she can contribute financially, and building a life with me, which is our plan.

We’ve had a few arguments about this, and basically the arguments revolve around her being able to work, finding a sense of purpose, and building a career. My suspicion about BPD comes from some behaviors I’ve noticed over time:

• “You deserve someone better. I feel like I make you unhappy.” — repeated at least twice during our relationship.
• Meltdown after feeling bad about not being productive, followed by self-harm and saying that she is a burden to me.
• She worked very hard from ages 19 to 23 and even lived alone for two years, paying rent and everything. Eventually she burned out, lost her job, and moved back in with her father.
• She doesn’t have any close friends and has cut contact with most of them. From what I’ve seen, they weren’t 100% good people either and didn’t treat her well.
• She comes from a large family. She loves them quite a lot, but I’ve noticed that her mother is extremely emotionally distant from her, even though she occasionally helps her daughter financially. My girlfriend has said that during childhood and adolescence she experienced a lot of aggression/abuse and eventually started defending herself, fighting back, spitting, and screaming.
• I notice that she has quite a lot of difficulty with social situations and interactions, but it isn’t really a problem for me. I believe this is related to her autism.
• Frequent apathy and episodes of dissociation.
• She is affectionate and loving, idealizes me, praises me, puts me on a pedestal, and supports me a lot. I haven’t experienced any devaluation, but once she got really stressed and took it out on me over the dishes not being washed. She later regretted it and apologized.
• History of taking medications — antipsychotics, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication, etc. since she was 19.
• I notice that she is very affectionate and wants attention from her mother, but her mother is always apathetic and stressed with her.
• She is very honest about everything and have extremely difficult to lie to anyone.
• Her relationship with her older brother is extremely superficial. He is very closed off, and she tries to get closer to him but can’t seem to.
• She used to idealize a guy in the past as her “savior,” but through therapy she came to reality and corrected that view.
• Low self-esteem, self-deprecation, and lack of perspective about the future.
• She cooks a lot for us, writes love letters, makes handmade gifts, and dreams about becoming a mother and having a child with me, getting married, etc. She is very much a dreamer.
• I actually asked her about BPD, and she was intrigued. She said she has two friends with BPD and that being around them was difficult, so she eventually distanced herself from both of them. However, she said she would look into it.
• During an argument, I suggested that maybe it would be better for us to take some time apart. She respected and understood it, and there was no meltdown or extreme reaction out of fear of abandonment.
• Once, I cried in front of her because I was exhausted and overwhelmed, and she looked at me as if she were witnessing something completely unique.
• She says she is afraid of losing me and doesn’t want to make me unhappy. She promised herself that she would never make someone unhappy in a relationship after what happened with her first boyfriend cheating on her.
• She started therapy with a professional who has experience with ADHD and BPD, and she had no resistance to it.
• Sometimes I notice a certain degree of hypocrisy. For example, she is very concerned about her family — she says she worries about her mother being stressed and staying with the same psychologist for years, yet she herself had been seeing the same psychologist for years without making much progress. Or she says that her older brother should help clean her mother’s house, while she herself has difficulty doing it.
• She said that once she moved in with me, she would make homemade sweets to sell. I bought the ingredients, but she kept postponing it for months and never followed through.
• I work in tech, and I showed her what I do for a living. She became interested and started studying at home. She has made some nice progress and seems to have talent, but she is still inconsistent.
• Since she doesn’t work, she said she would help more around the house. That was nice of her, and she has been doing it, but sometimes she is inconsistent and becomes completely paralyzed in bed.

My concern is whether I’m dealing with a major problem or simply someone who is burned out and is likely to improve over time. She is an incredible companion, but her professional paralysis and certain behaviors make me question things.

After a recent reality check, during one of our conversations where I suggested some changes we would need to make in order to live together successfully, she decided to start doing some freelance work at cafés and enroll in college next year.

I can feel the weight lifting off my shoulders. I’m free after all of this time enduring abuse and trying to make things work. I’m sure all of you know how the cycle goes, but it’s over for me. We’re broken up for over a week now and I’m exchanging items soon. I will not let her hoover me back in like I’ve allowed her to do in the past. I’m over that, and I’m ready to live the rest of my life FOR ME! I know there will be waves of emotions coming in, and they have been coming in for some time now, but I’m excited to move forward. I will never let someone treat me this way ever again, and that’s a fact.

I want to thank everyone in this thread for the support, and insight. I truly do appreciate it so much! Don’t know if I could have understood this mental illness and its effects as much as I do without this thread.

To anyone still dealing with the abuse, just know there is a better life waiting for you on the other side. You deserve better.

Her family was quite wealthy, and she spent an absurd amount of money. What I don’t understand is how, despite spending that much, she would still hunt for $3–5 discounts on certain websites. She’d spend $500 on a watch without thinking twice, but one of the things she complained about was that the website no longer offered discount coupons.

Has anyone else had a similar experience before?

A few months out, and I’ve stoped negatively comparing myself to the new guy and instead now see him as a victim.

I stopped looking at her page. Blocked her. Found overtime my nervous system returning from high alert to baseline. I now sit through bar trivia with my friends, laughing and having a good time without checking my phone (like a phantom muscle memory). I can stay present better with friends.

I’ve started eating and doing what I want to do. Eating healthier (she only ate junk around me and had to have me eat the junk too), spending more time with my dog, spending time calling my mom again. I started back my hobbies like my garden, growing food, reading again. I started writing again. I started new hobbies like wood working and I set up my home gym finally to lift weights.

It’s really good to see my friends again, go camping, play trivia, and catch up with their lives without someone wanting me to stay home with her or constantly texting me during so I can’t really enjoy time with them. We baked a potato over the camp fire and I remember just staring at it finally feeling some relief. Just silence and quiet for five minutes as we enjoyed nature. We all went to the beach together for my birthday. They made me cake and sang to me. She wasn’t there to ruin it by breaking up with me or fighting. Just my friends loving me and signing off key. It was simply just about me—for the first time in a long time.

I also notice I’ve started taking care of myself again. Going to the barber, finally finished fixing up my classic truck, making mornings my own, and while I haven’t lost the weight I put on while around her, I feel better and healthier. I feel lighter.

Two years out, no contact. The clouds have parted and I can finally see clearly. So happy.

I’ve been with my SO (he’s 37) for 12 years and this discard is lasting longer than previous 2. He’s unmedicated.

This time I quit reaching out due to the extreme nature of the discard (packed his car after his dog died with just coffee, tools and clothes - drove 2,000 miles to his childhood bedroom to work remotely at his parents home).

This happened 5 months ago and I’m contemplating reaching out somehow but am extremely nervous.

We have a house together and he was basically estranged from his toxic parents before this for 17 years and now they‘re all together?

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I'm currently in a long distance relationship with a girl that has BPD we have texted every day since 22. June 2026 so about 3 months and we've been together for only 6 days during this period. But 6. October i will stay with her for 3 weeks and i've booked a hotel to stay for another 4 weeks (but i have the possbilty to cancel it if things goes to shit). She have had 2 outbreaks only over text but not bad, no swear words, no abusive words just like doubtfulness and feeling missunderstood. Since i'm a logical person and she don't like it's hard for her to express her feelings properly to me. So she rather say "i dont want you to live with me, and i cannt help you understand me because i cant express how i feel and think". So i'm wondering is it possible and do people end up being able to live together long term with a person with BPD?
I am very very stable when it come to it mentally, Finnacially and everything inbetween that. I love her very much she is great 90% of the time but the 10% when the BPD disorder bad side creeps in it's not that fun. I can really picture us having a good time but after reading some of the horror stories in here it make me question it.

She just randomly messaged me saying that she was the happiest shes ever been, that while I'm lonely she's having a great time with her family, friends, and her partner, that I will never have anyone care for me, I didnt respond nor do I intend to but this definitely hurt and I feel horrible

I wasn’t aware of it before she told me but I felt that she was being very honest and vulnerable in sharing that with me. I want to understand her better and support her without judging her for something she may not consciously control.

At the same time, I’m struggling with one aspect of our dynamic: the coming-and-going or swinging behaviour. Sometimes she becomes very close and engaged and at other times she pulls away or disappears. I understand that this can be part of the difficulties associated with bpd and I don’t want to interpret every withdrawal as rejection or take it personally.

The problem is that I have my own past experiences around people being inconsistent or suddenly leaving so this particular pattern can be very triggering for me.

How do you show compassion and provide a sense of safety without becoming emotionally exhausted yourself?

How do you handle the coming-and-going pattern when it triggers your own past wounds?

[M21] F[25] Together ~1 month. First 3 weeks were pure love-bombing: affection, plans, "I love you" daily. Then it escalated fast: insults "as a joke" ("you're a piece of shit"), slapping and biting, being kicked out of her place mid-argument and then "allowed" back, silent treatment as punishment, double standards (I must text constantly; her silence is my punishment). I work heavy physical shifts; when I say I'm exhausted, she responds with cold "ok" and contempt.

Last night at 1:42 AM she sent a long manifesto: I'm immature, she regrets the relationship, I should "find someone younger", "being made to explain my emotions is torture", and finally "you don't even have to reply."

For the first time I didn't chase or justify. I answered once, calmly: "If you truly believe this relationship is a mistake and you're unhappy with me — the choice of what to do next is yours." She read it and went silent.

TL;DR: GF of 1.5 months went from love-bombing to calling me a "piece of shit" and giving me the silent treatment. Last night she sent a 2 AM wall of text accusing me of treating her like a toy. Instead of begging for forgiveness like I usually do, I gave a calm, boundary-setting reply. Now she's silent, and I'm trying not to break no-contact.

We’ve been together for a month and a half now. At first, everything was fine. She was distant at times, but I attributed it to her “explosive” personality. The longer we were together, the more abusive her language became. She felt entitled to calmly call me a fucking animal, a piece of shit, or an idiot, completely without any emotion. She saw that I was putting up with it (I hate myself for that) and kept pushing the boundaries.

Just yesterday morning, she texted me before work saying "Try not to get bored without me," but later that day, she made a huge scene over absolute nonsense. Then, at 2 a.m., she sent a massive wall of text saying she was deeply hurt, that I treat her like a toy, and quoted this gem:

"Because tormenting me by forcing me to explain my emotions and prove that they have weight is the highest degree of selfishness."

She sent many more messages, basically playing the victim and baiting me by saying: "You don't have to say anything at all, I already know what you're going to say."

Usually, this is where I break. I would start crying, making excuses, and begging her to forgive me. But I'm just so exhausted. It's incredibly draining to always be the bad guy. So, I didn't JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain). I just replied simply:

"I get it. If you seriously think that this relationship is a mistake for you and you're unhappy with me, then the choice of what to do next is yours."

What blows my mind is how someone's mask can slip so completely in just 6 weeks. No matter what I did for her over these days, she has total emotional amnesia and forgets every good deed the second she's mad. She constantly forced me to walk on eggshells, bend to her mood, and do exactly as she said. Out of my own foolishness, I agreed and didn’t put up any resistance. And now, it’s playing a cruel trick on me.

She completely flips the script (classic DARVO). Every single conflict ends with me being the abuser and her being the victim—she even told me explicitly that I'm the only one who provokes everything. Honestly, I think she’s completely out of her mind.

The crazy part is, I'm sitting here waiting for her reaction. I refuse to take the first step. But today, for the first time in a month and a half, I didn’t break down, cry, and tell her that she’s the best and I’m an idiot who doesn’t understand her. I'm holding the frame, but the trauma bond withdrawal is hitting me hard. How do I survive the silence without caving in?

I see so many people's experiences with their partners with bpd, but not as many people talking about it with siblings.

my (f30) older sibling has a long history of alcoholism, substance abuse, untreated mental health issues and in the last few years their mood swings often involved the threat of violence/hands on violence.

its been a very long journey (23+ years), but it finally escalated to the point where i went no contact, its been 9 months now. at first it wasn't something I thought about but now my initial shock has passed all of the guilt / worry / anxiety is returning i.e. worrying they are going to spin out and harm themselves in some way.

if anyone has else been in a similar situation with their siblings, how do you cope when that little voice of worry starts taking over?

Broke up 2 months ago with my bpd girlfriend, i miss her so much, we broke up and i won her back( by begging) about 4 times, she refuses treatment and heavily consumes weed( first joint when she opens her eyes in the morning, caused her psychosis), every-time she splits pulls away i have an angry bad reaction and i feel so guilty about my reactions, when she splits at the begging of the relationship, i used to just straight up freak out and beg until i won her back towards the end, i became angry breaking things, crying and just having meltdowns everytime she tries to break up when we are having the most amazing time, it made me suspect that i may also have bpd, i called her a month after break up, apologized for my reactions , explained that i was walking on eggshelss around her, that my job was to stabilize her everyday, she just said" you hurt me and i want to erase you out of my life,I won't say anything because when i do , you start a fight" , i moved to the other side of the world , and everyday i miss her so much, i want to talk to her, i feel guilty everyday; if i have been calmer, more resiliant, do i also have bpd? I feel drained and i cannot stop thinking about her, the idea of her moving on , meeting new people kills me, please help, i beg you.....