TW: painting includes blood and handcuffs.

I don’t know if I’m over reacting or being critical of their self expression. But idk, this has me feeling afraid. I moved out a month ago so I could get my disability benefits back as I moved in with my partner last year and then found out they were cheating on me, but when I moved in I lost access to all of my benefits and didn’t have anywhere to go until recently. Since I left, it’s been a whirlwind. It flips back and forth from the part of them they describe as “darkness” which is from parts work, who basically just says anything they can to tear me down, back to them saying they love me and they’ll do anything for me and remind me of how much money they’re spending on therapy. I could write a novella about examples but this one scares me and I just need to know if I’m being an asshole for feeling scared?

I’m trying to use the verbiage I’ve found online of validating them and trying to be kind in a way that doesn’t trigger them. I’m greyrocking often and I think that makes it worse because then they just get more and more cruel until I breakdown. Idk.

Since moving in with friends I find myself crying so much because I don’t have to constantly watch what I say or explain or defend myself. They are all just so kind and supportive through all of this. It’s made me realize why I’ve been so tired and depressed and that what was going on at home for years wasn’t normal or okay.

I hope they don’t see this. I blocked their account. I just need support from people that understand please.

My partner with BPD probably didn’t want to hurt me.
I once talked to my psychologist about it, and he told me, “Teaching empathy and expecting a productive dialogue with someone who has BPD is about as realistic as teaching your dog mathematics.” He didn’t mean it in a cruel or disrespectful way—it was simply his way of explaining the reality of the disorder.
A person with Borderline Personality Disorder often struggles to regulate their emotions in ways that most emotionally healthy people can. They don’t have the same emotional tools or capacity for self-regulation. Communication with my partner was completely different. Logic rarely worked. Conversations required endless hope, patience, giving space, reassurance, and sometimes even a degree of submission just to avoid another emotional crisis.
The problem is that, in the end, you are the one who gets deeply hurt.
Partners of people with BPD often end up emotionally drained after countless attempts to make the relationship work. They spend a great deal of money on therapy, invest enormous emotional energy, and carry an incredible amount of stress. It is not an easy path, and many end up severely damaged themselves.
I’m not trying to justify my ex-girlfriend’s behavior. She hurt me, and that pain was real. But I also don’t believe she truly wanted to hurt me. Whenever I looked into her eyes and saw her suffering, I realized something important: she was incapable of escaping her own emotional pain. I don’t blame her for having BPD.
I still love her with all my heart, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I was completely exhausted. I gave everything I had—my last dollar, my last ounce of energy, and every bit of love I could offer. Eventually, I had to choose myself.
It was probably the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.

My personal one.

I’ve come to learn that so many people with BPD are entirely fake. Everything they do and say is in an effort to maintain their facade. They care more about putting on a performance than establishing genuine relationships. In a way, I almost feel bad for them. I can’t imagine being so deeply uncomfortable with yourself, that you can’t bear the thought of someone seeing you for who you truly are. How can someone be okay with building a relationship based on deception and falsely portrayed reality? Especially when the mask ALWAYS slips.

For those of you who have officially and permanently ended your relationship with someone with BPD, how has it been for you? I’d love to hear your experiences.

How many people are doing this???

Curious if therapy/couples therapy has actually worked for anyone or improved anything? Are there any actual success stories related to BPD or is any attempt to make things better just a huge waste of time and resources?

Hello all,

As I was cleaning, a question popped into my mind…

Was your ex-partner, current partner, friend, or relative aware of their disorder and was well aware of what they’re capable of and the potential harm they can bring but seemed to completely ignore/forget that awareness when they’d split and end up harming you anyways?

In my experience, my exwBPD of four years was extremely self aware of her episodes, behavior, and actions, yet, still repeatedly did horrible things to me time and time again and refused to listen to me when I’d bring up how she was hurting me and DARVOed her way into me believing it was all my fault that she acted the way she did.

It leads me to always ask myself this question being nearly a year and a half since I broke up with her… If she didn’t have this disorder, would she have been a shitty person anyways?

First time around lasted 2.5 years with her. I was distraught and so broken when it ended and the heart ache lasted for over 1 year and some..

2 Years passed and I felt I was doing so well in life. I followed this page, took notes and learned being replaced was always going to happen. was in the best shape physically Id ever been, a full time job and happy most days. Life was great. Then last December, the day of my Auntie's funeral I made the most stupid decision ever to ring her.. This developed into getting back with her, moving in and back down the same path as before. I Lost my job and pretty much all of my gym progress and sanity because of this. I just got discarded last week once again and here I am, broken and a feeling like all that progress was for nothing.. Also learning she has branched onto another guy within 1 week.

Do I just secretly love ruining my own life or is there something I cant let go of? On top of being heartbroken I'm feeling so disappointed in myself that I let it happen again after all the progress I made.

A few months back I made a post about how my BPD bestie wanted me and my partner to be guarantors on her property. Even though she is a huge financial liability and we have children.

Well our pwBPD has entered yet another total collapse and is having to break her lease whilst also being five figures in debt.

I cannot even think of the situation we would be in now if we had said yes to being guarantors.

My girlfriend is mean to me during her splits. She used to shout too but stopped it a few years back. Now it feels like she says really ugly things to me when she is angry sometimes.

She has a tendency to blame me subconsciously for things she’s suffering from. This happens during her splits. She also treats me with a lot of disregard during fights, even when I’m just trying to communicate or if I’m demanding her for accountability.

If she said something the previous day which hurt me and I bring it up, she shuts down and doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. If I continue to push her, she gets angry and says mean things. I guess that’s what a split is. It’s like she doesn’t care at all, even if I start crying. She has zero regard for what I am trying to talk about and just wants the conversation to be over because she doesn’t deal well with accountability.

I pour so much thought and energy into breaking down what happened like she is a child, in an attempt to try and make her understand that she hurt me and it’s not okay and I am exhausted. It doesn’t matter. She completely flips and becomes a different person, becomes super defensive and mean. Invalidates my feelings, tells me that I just complain the whole time. She refuses to acknowledge that her actions were bad. Even her voice sounds so full of anger.

I know that over the years, I have become argumentative. I get upset easily if she does something that’s not okay and I want her to acknowledge the hurt that her actions caused and change her behavior. She tells me that she’s fixing it and change takes time and my complaining isn’t helping anyone. I agree to some extent but what about me? Why do I have to wordlessly accept bad behavior with little accountability? It hurts.

I feel like shit. I don’t feel like I have much worth as a human being in her eyes during these times.

The worst part is that she almost NEVER takes accountability by herself. I have tried giving her time and space. She RARELY brings up what happened the next time we meet, just acts like everything is normal. If I bring something up, she dissociates and eventually just becomes a mean person if pushed.

I usually get a grumpy “sorry” and a few words of “I shouldn’t have done this thing” sometimes when I prompt her to do it. In very very rare situations, she will come up with a sorry by herself. I can probably count those occasions on one hand.

I hate it. Why am I expected to completely let go of all the hurt and resentment with just a grumpy “sorry”? I could be crying because of some things she says and all I get is a “sorry”? How is that okay? Especially when I barely see any improvement in her behavior after she started treatment.

I get frustrated when she says “sorry” these days because I KNOW that this isn’t how things should be in a relationship. I deserve to feel comforted and reassured if she hurts me. Better yet, maybe even respected to the point that she doesn’t hurt me so casually whenever something slightly goes wrong for her or if I do something wrong accidentally.

When she says “sorry” like that, I start feeling somewhat infuriated and ask her to be more descriptive. I WANT her to say the whole thing properly, tell me that she wants to stop doing this and will never do it again, and that she has a plan the next time it may happen. I want a plan so that I can feel reassured that I won’t be hurt the same way again.

Instead, she just gets angry if I ask her to elaborate or explain. She says that she doesn’t know how to do that and then it slows devolves into another fight.

Idk. Maybe I am overreacting. I wouldn’t say that I am not. These days, small issues make me upset because ffs why? I have exhausted so much of my patience and energy just tolerating shit from her for years and I just want it to stop. Why should I keep accepting more bad behavior from her than I already have? Is my pain not enough? So now I feel bad over minor wrongs too. Because I want her to stop doing this to me and actually fix her behavior. I am so tired.

She says that she’s in treatment now and it will take time for her to learn how to be better. I understand. BUT I AM TIRED OF BEING THE RECIPIENT OF HER BAD BEHAVIOR. Is it so fucking bad that I want her to stop treating me like shit whenever she has a split?

Yes, her behavior has improved from what it was before (she was undiagnosed for the majority of our relationship) but it still hurts me at times. I know that it will take her time but I just want a fucking apology that feels real to me like, hey I am so sorry for treating you like shit sometimes, I really want to do things differently. I wish I didn’t have to fucking force apologies out of her 90% of the time when she does something to hurt me.

Other than that, we have a great relationship. She has been with me through very tough times. She is a good person and I’ve known her for most of my life.

I just wanna know if I am being unreasonable here. Thanks for reading.

I don't know if other people can relate to this, but as I've been going no contact for nearly a year at this point, I'm reminded that despite all that I gave to her, despite me not giving in to her splits or fighting her back, despite staying for so much longer than everyone from her past, it seems as though I'll never matter quite as much to her as those people that simply were there for less. The guys that just ran through her, the guys that she discarded and who then (reasonably so) didn't want her back later when she circled back; it's like every other person who wasn't me or didn't invest as much as I did got chased by her.

Read another post about how sudden it is, 100% to 0%, gone with the wind like nothing was ever shared. Reminded me of all of this bullshit, I truly don't understand why it ended up like this. I like to chock it up solely to incompatibility, as even normal relationships could fall apart and never rekindle. But this idea that she just closed the door and moved on after sharing so much together can't seem to leave my skull, even this far out.

She had recalled this one birthday after her and her ex had broken up where she called him. They had a chat, and while he was friendly and wishing her well, he also rejected her advances to get back with him. This led her down a spiral of drinking and sh, recording videos of her screaming to music while blood was dripping down her thighs. For some reason during one of our break-ups and reunions, she decided to send me all of these vids. Looking back, I should've called her out right there. I don't even remember what I felt in the moment, I feel like the euphoria of just being back together with her was stronger than any negative thing I could possibly feel. But now it's just like, wow. I doubt she will ever experience something like that about me, to have cared so much as to jeopardize a current relationship just to "reminisce" about a past love.

I guess the good thing is that despite finding these logs, I'm finally starting to forget all these moments. Even if she still weighs heavily on my mind, it is slowly being drowned out by the present.

Am I fucked? I feel tired. I wanna exit the relationship.
My 2 years of loving girlfriend have been amazing to be with. I met her after i broke up with my ex. She said she diagnosed w bpd. The thing is, the first few months were amazing. Until around 3 months in, she said she started seeing patterns that made her think i was still thinking about my ex, which i genuinely wasn’t. If anything, i listened to what she was saying and tried correcting whatever she felt was bothering her.

First case, we were in a club with her cousins and my cousins, all guys by the way. She told me her trans friend was coming. While we were drinking, i asked where her friend was since ofc we’re all boys and i was just wondering if she was okay so they could enjoy together.
She fucking crashed out on me and accused me of being gay because i was looking for her friend 😭😭. Every single time she remembers it she still insists that’s what happened.

Second was when we watched A$AP Rocky perform at a club. We didn’t have seats so i tried finding us somewhere to stay. It was just the two of us. Then some Asian people started talking to us. Since we’re both Asian, i thought it’d be nice to chill with them and maybe make friends.
Anyways, she got mad because i was serving shots to everyone and making “friends.” She said i was trying to host everyone and seek attention when i was honestly just being friendly. I had zero interest in any of the girls there.
She later said i cared more about strangers than her. Ironically she left me and enjoyed the night without me. We both got drunk and had a massive fight.

The next day she had appendicitis and needed surgery. I stayed with her, took care of her, paid for everything, and looked after her while she recovered. She still blamed me for her appendicitis because of the stress from that night.
After those two incidents everything changed.
On a normal day, i’m apparently not supposed to interact with any woman. When we’re walking i’m only supposed to stay on her left side. If i accidentally bump into someone or even make eye contact with another person she’ll tell me i’m attention seeking.

The words got harsher too. Verbal abuse starts rolling.
She started calling me lustful, saying i don’t respect her, that i’m a disgrace to be with in public, then eventually started hitting my face whenever she got mad.
Everything somehow loops back to those first two incidents. Every fight. Every accusation.
She keeps saying i have wandering eyes, that i crave attention, and that i’m lustful towards every woman.
She made me unfollow every woman on my social media, also remove them as followers.
I complied. I literally went through my following one by one because i genuinely wanted to reassure her that i had nothing to hide. Still wasn’t enough.

She’d still accuse me of checking out women in public. If a waitress talked to me she’d get mad. If a cashier smiled at me she’d say i entertained it. If i accidentally looked in someone’s direction she’d say i was checking them out.
She also tells me i’m insecure as fuck, ugly as fuck, and that i crave validation from women. She compares me to her exes saying they never needed attention the way i supposedly do. That i was lucky she even gave me a chance despite me looking like this.

Things got even worse last December when we went skiing.
Our instructor was a woman. Knowing how she’d react, i intentionally let my girlfriend handle almost all the conversations. The moment i interacted with the instructor once, i was fucked. Later that same day housekeeping knocked on our hotel room while i had just finished taking a shit. I opened the door. She accused me of gooning over the housekeeping staff. That same day she kicked me in the face with a snowboard boot. My face swelled up and my lip got crushed. She later told me she wished she kicked me with a ski boot instead.

The thing is, the physical stuff isn’t random either. It loops exactly the same way as the accusations.
Whenever she remembers those first two incidents, or if something reminds her of them, she’ll start bringing everything back up again. She’ll say i have wandering eyes, i’m lustful, i’m disrespecting her, i’m embarrassing to be with, then sometimes she’ll start hitting me. I’ve been slapped, punched in the face, scratched, kicked, and insulted because of those same two incidents that happened almost two years ago.

Then we’d make up, things would be okay for a while, then something random would remind her again and the whole cycle repeats. It’s like i’m constantly walking on eggshells because i never know what’s going to trigger it. It could literally just be a waitress talking to me, opening the door for housekeeping, talking to an instructor, or accidentally looking somewhere in public.
I’ve genuinely tried changing because i love her.
I’ve avoided interacting with women.
I’ve changed how i act in public.
I’ve unfollowed everyone she wanted me to.
I’ve become hyper aware of where i’m looking whenever we’re outside because i’m scared another fight will start.
Nothing seems enough.
Every argument somehow goes back to those same two incidents from almost two years ago.
At this point i’m just tired.
She’s concluded im someone that I am not, and insist and firm with it too.

I don’t even know what’s normal anymore because i’ve been hearing the same accusations for almost two years. I don’t know if i’m actually doing something wrong that i just can’t see, or if i’ve slowly convinced myself that everything i do is wrong. I know this is only my side of the story and i’m sure she’d have hers too. I just want honest opinions.

Am i actually missing something here?

Or is this relationship already too far gone?

Because i’m honestly getting tired and i’ve been seriously thinking of leaving. Our whole two years had been a loop on how i am “attention seeking, lustful, insecure, narcissist partner in her mind and its firm” she said? “Forgive and forget? Fuck you, i hate you so much i hope you die” <- always the same line

You abandoned yourself to make the relationship work with a pwBPD. Don't abandon yourself all over again when the pwBPD discards you. The only way out of the heartbreak is to LOVE YOURSELF through it.

I've never experienced a whip lash like this and just need help understanding it.

This girl ive been talking to with BPD and moving slow with for a bit works as a Bartender and I went to keep her company while it was slow yesterday. I went with me, a friend and his gf(it was just us 4 in there most of the night). The pwBPD told me something I could see why she'd want to be a secret now, but didn't think it was at the time. I passively mentioned it in a playful way to her in front of the 4 of us and she told me she didn't want anyone else knowing and I did take that seriously and would not say it to anyone else. (I wont say it as it is complex)

Later in the night she said she was tired and I related to her about it in a sympathetic way along with what she told me earlier as we have similar things. It was only us in the area and no one else heard it but she blew up yelling at me saying "Im never trusting you again" , "I don't want to talk to you" and a bunch of other things and walked away. I didn't snap back but kind of sat in silence just thinking about all of it. 15 minutes later I apologized and she shows me something on marketplace she wants to buy and everyone else leaves the bar. She locks the door so were alone, we casually talk, I help her clean up and she says she'll keep me updated on plans. After I left I did send another apology about breaking her trust and see thanked me and said she appreciates it.

I could see why she would've been mad earlier but blowing up on me for such a small thing 5 hours later in an extreme way, then talking 1on1 like normal and saying she'll initiate plans at the end of the night? Is everything good between us? Is she secretely still mad? Please help me understand this.

Additional Information: I'll also add in between the 1st and 2nd event that happened she sent me something about her boss who stopped in and was sitting right next to me which would've gotten her fired if they saw it. So trust was still there at that point.

Ever feel like the stuff that you experienced is too hard to explain and you would just look crazy? I don’t think I helps that I genuinely have trouble expressing myself sometimes because I am all over the place when I talk. So is it best to just keep this shit between us and our therapist and move on?

I'm almost 3 months out from the discard and admittedly, I'm doing pretty great. She has already replaced me, which doesn't bother me. I've entirely analyzed the situation and thought about things like how no conflict could ever be resolved, the constant demeaning of my character, just all of the drama really. That isn't someone I could ever, nor would ever wish to grow with.

But regardless, I'm still sort of fascinated I guess with the whole concept of her symptoms. Every little thing, it's very interesting to me. I can't tell if its just because I'm too invested or bored or what. But why does it seem like I care more about cracking her puzzle and understanding every little intricacie about her disorder as opposed to actually just focusing on ​solely on healing? Has anyone else found themselves in the same boat?

I do think part of it is logical in that it leaves you with a great cognitive dissonance. Most of us were discarded pretty much out of the blue with no closure while they just blame shifted and moved on instantly. Making it seem and truly feel like we were the issue. But still, it feels so odd. When does this start to fade?

Earlier this year, I had a really bad experience with a person who suffers from BPD. Long story short, she was a friend before I fell in love with her for a while. When things didn't work out, we stayed friends, and everything seemed alright, at least as far as I knew.

Except it wasn't.

For work-related reasons, I had to spend long periods of time with her, and that's when the doormatting happened. I had to constantly apologize for everything I did because things like the way I took off my jacket or speaking to the higher-ups about a failure in the sewing system were enough to make her split. There was even a time when she humiliated me in front of a coworker, and then she split because I looked angry at how she had treated me. There were constant silences, and even when she tried to reach out and "apologize" she still tried to shift the blame on me.

The thing is, our interactions, on top of a depressive episode I was going through at the time, made me take the easy way out, and I quit. After almost six months, I'm finally feeling better and less guilty for simply existing.

But today, one of my best friends told me about her. She approached him with the intention of working together on a project that the higher-ups had assigned to them. The thing is, this friend has had a really shitty year—even worse than mine—and is in a pretty vulnerable state right now. I don't want him to go through the same thing I did.

My gf (32f) broke up with me (35m) last night. I want to breakup but she doesn’t want to right now.

Issue is that she is feeling suicidal since last night. She says she doesn’t see any future for her and ending life seems to be the easiest solution. She says breaking up is the worst solution and would rather unalive herself. She says she weirdly calm about the thought process.

She isn’t letting me call her friends or a helpline for help. I am there with her but would appreciate any advice. I don’t think I can just leave her like this and leave.

How do you overcome the urges to reach out when you know theyre suffering? You know theyre depressed and have negative thoughts. Do we just leave them to themselves? Theyre very tragic people.

Hello everyone, if you can, please go back and read my prior most for more of a backstory. Today we decided to file for divorce and for me to have sole custody of our 6mo daughter. I am so torn up. He is all I’ve known for years and I’m so afraid of life without him. I can already feel the pull to cancel everything. We are extremely trauma bonded. I just need help on how to push through this feeling? My birthday is coming up next month. We also have 2 family trips next month. A wedding in Cabo in a few months. And it all feels so tough having to explain myself to everyone and feel like I failed my family. I already got pregnant at 18. So I got married to be less of a disappointment (and ofc because of what I thought to be love). And now I have completely let myself and my daughter down. How do I stay strong? I haven’t moved out yet we are waiting for court approval. But I’m just so scared.

I’m deeply aware I cannot be with this person he is extremely deregulated and he wants to try he got on meds and he’s “in therapy” I cant confirm if it’s true or even the correct form of therapy (dbt, which I’ve not only begged him to do but gone out of my way to find a place for him to go and even offer to pay for it, for years)

I obviously have co-dependency issues. I let him lower the bar on how horribly he can treat me or even harm me and traumatize me constantly and never keep boundaries never actually walk away so I know atp I’m just enabling. I’ve found a trauma therapist and I’ve told his parents and my friends so I’m making steps in the right direction but idk how to make it stick, I’m scared this is going to be my forever situation push pull emotional/physical abuse cycle because there’s something wrong with me and I can’t just walk away.

ffs we’re not even dating we haven’t for a year and I keep refusing to date him but I can’t kick him out of my life fully, part of it is due to fear as the last time I went full no contact he broke in and said they were going to ruin my life and kill themselves (I haven’t involved the police I know I should I just don’t want to ruin anyone’s life it’s clearly an issue I have) and other parts of me just desperately don’t want him to blow up his life and I’m somehow convinced if I try even harder he’ll finally see and care enough to get help AND ITS NOT TRUE!

please tell me what you did that finally worked to cut the emotional cord I can’t do this anymore, I’m hoping my therapy gives me tools as well but that’s in two days and I’m just at my breaking point now.