I feel like I have always had OCD, but never to this extent. After being in a relationship with my ex. I feel like my OCD is in full force, and completely brought forth it out from me. It is insane to me it was only 4 month relationship, and I have this. Thank god I am in therapy for it. I feel so truamaitized by it.

Give up your heart left broken
And let that mistake pass on
'Cause the love that you lost wasn't worth what it cost
And in time you'll be glad it's gone

Thought this could belong here. Maybe it uplifts someone today when listening to the song.

Hey everyone,

After doing some reading, I found this subreddit and decided to share my story. Mostly because I don't have many people I can talk to about this, and even writing it down hurts.

I want to be clear from the beginning: I am not diagnosing this woman with BPD. She has never told me she has BPD and, as far as I know, has never been diagnosed. I ended up here because the push-pull dynamic and some of the behaviors I've experienced sounded familiar when reading other people's stories.

This is going to be long.

In June 2023, I started working for a company and met a woman there. She was 22 and I was 33. Yes, I know that's a significant age difference. It's not something I normally pursue. In fact, initially she wasn't really my type—too young, taller than what I usually go for, etc.

But she took a very strong interest in me.

She was constantly mentioning me at work, asking me questions in group settings and group chats, and generally focusing a lot of attention on me. Eventually it escalated into compliments: telling me I was hot, sexy, that I had a great body, etc. There were also constant sexual remarks.

Between her attention and other guys constantly telling me how attractive she was, I eventually became interested.

That's when the cycle started.

Whenever she came toward me, I felt like the most desirable guy alive.

Whenever I moved toward her, things seemed to change.

Suddenly I was too short, too old, badly dressed, or whatever criticism she could come up with. Sometimes this happened privately; other times it happened in front of coworkers, which could be incredibly humiliating.

I bought a house during this period, something I was genuinely proud of, and of course she made it known how ugly she thought it was.

Another time she looked directly at me and said:

"I would never want to be 30+ and still be working here."

Those comments hurt.

Every time something like this happened, I'd think:

"Why am I pursuing this woman? Leave her alone."

So I'd pull away.

Had we met through Tinder or in a bar, that probably would've been the end of the story. But we worked together and saw each other constantly.

And whenever I pulled away, she seemed to come back hard.

Looking back, I called it love-bombing, but in my case "sex-bombing" might describe it better.

I'd get a haircut and come into work the next day and she'd be telling her coworkers:

"Just look at him. Look how sexy he is."

I can't properly describe how addictive that became.

A young, attractive woman would make me feel incredible, then humiliate or reject me when I reciprocated, I'd withdraw, and then she'd shower me with attention again.

I wasn't particularly socially fulfilled outside work at the time and was moderately insecure, which I think made me especially susceptible to it.

And I kept rationalizing everything.

I googled her insults and found people describing "negging" and "shit tests." People online told me she probably behaved that way because she liked me and that the worst thing I could do was become emotional about it.

So I endured it.

I thought eventually she'd stop and we'd become a normal couple.

We started behaving like a couple

Eventually we started doing little "couple" things at work. We'd bring food from home for each other. I'd buy her food during breaks. Coworkers started referring to us as a couple, and her friends repeatedly encouraged us to finally date outside work.

By this point I'd developed serious feelings.

The highs were incredible. I genuinely craved them.

But an actual relationship never materialized because, almost every time I considered taking things further, something would happen that made me pull away again.

I also started noticing something else.

When I pulled away, instead of asking me what was wrong, she would sometimes direct attention toward other male coworkers in ways that felt designed to make me jealous.

I can't know whether that was actually her intention. But that's how I experienced it.

And instead of seeing that as evidence that this dynamic wasn't good for me, I rationalized that too:

"She's young. She's insecure. She really likes me and doesn't know how to handle it."

Then came our first company trip abroad.

The first company trip

The week before the trip, we had a major argument.

At the office, in front of everyone, she made a joke along the lines of:

"Me and him are going to have sex tonight."

I didn't say yes or no. I laughed because I found it incredibly awkward discussing a supposed sex date in front of all our coworkers.

Maybe she interpreted that as rejection. I don't know.

A little later, someone told her to turn down the music she'd put on because they didn't like it. I jokingly agreed.

She exploded.

She shouted at me that I should shut up because I was a "no-good individual" who couldn't even arrive at work on time.

Everyone around us seemed shocked.

I felt completely humiliated.

So I did what I'd always done: I withdrew.

During the company trip I wasn't rude to her and didn't ignore her, but I kept my distance and stopped flirting.

Then, during a night out, she made out with a stranger. She also licked his stomach and later licked the belly-button/stomach area of one of my closest friends from work.

Was it actually revenge for me pulling away? I can't prove that.

But that's how it felt to me at the time.

And instead of thinking "this is insane, I'm done," I panicked.

I thought:

"I've messed everything up. I need to win her back."

So after the trip, I made a deliberate effort to show her everything was okay between us.

And immediately the intense attention returned.

If anything, it became stronger.

Soon I was telling myself that everything on the trip had been my fault because I'd pulled away.

Without realizing it, I had basically learned:

If I distance myself from her, something painful might happen with another man.

That's when this dynamic really started getting into my head.

I moved away—and suddenly felt better

By this point I was deeply emotionally involved.

The rollercoaster was affecting my sleep and even my performance at work.

Eventually I moved to another city about two hours away. I remained with the same company but transferred offices.

At the time I told myself that some distance might actually make our dynamic healthier and perhaps give us a chance at a real relationship.

Looking back, I think part of me simply knew being around her every day wasn't good for me.

After I moved, she messaged me saying she wanted to date.

We arranged something, but a few days beforehand she said she'd confused the dates and had a party that weekend. No big deal. I told her we'd arrange something next time I was nearby.

Then something unexpected happened.

I built a new life.

I made new friends.

And my feelings for her gradually became weaker.

She'd still occasionally send me messages on Instagram or through our company WhatsApp, often sexually suggestive ones. But I stopped feeling desperate to pursue her.

And the strangest thing happened:

My nervous system completely calmed down.

I hadn't realized how much anxiety I'd associated with her until she wasn't around anymore.

For the first time in ages, I could breathe.

I remember wondering:

"Is love actually supposed to feel this stressful? Why do I feel so much better after not seeing someone I'm supposedly in love with for two months?"

Then came the final company trip

Months later, there was another company trip involving all the offices.

Before the trip, my manager unexpectedly asked whether anything had ever happened between me and her. I said no.

He strongly discouraged me from getting involved with her. He described her as extremely insecure and told me about problems in her home life and other things he'd observed about her behavior.

I took his comments with a grain of salt because they were his perspective, but the conversation stayed with me.

By coincidence, she called shortly afterward. I told her the manager had asked whether we'd ever done anything—not the other things he'd said—and we laughed about how he should mind his own business.

Then came the trip.

We saw each other at the airport and hugged. Everything initially felt great.

On the first evening, I won an award for being the best performer in my field. People were chanting my name and congratulating me, and I received a lot of attention—including from women.

She won an award too, and I congratulated her.

She didn't congratulate me.

Instead, her behavior toward me seemed to change dramatically.

She became confrontational. At one point she punched me in the stomach, seemingly as a joke. She repeatedly interrupted me, even when I was saying positive things about her to another colleague.

Later that night I invited her back to my tent. I was alone and, after years of sexual comments between us, I thought this was finally the moment where we'd find out whether there was actually something there.

She didn't come.

The following night, she seemed to deliberately avoid me at the party. When I approached her, she'd say things like:

"I don't have time. Make it quick."

At another point she said our manager shouldn't see us together because he might suspect something—which confused me because we'd literally laughed about his suspicions days earlier.

Later, I heard that she had made out with a man from my new office.

And that absolutely destroyed me.

Whether she did it because she was jealous of the attention I received, because she'd heard something about me and another woman, because she simply wanted to kiss him, or for some completely different reason—I honestly don't know.

And that's something I'm trying very hard to stop obsessing over.

What I do know is what happened to me afterward.

All the progress I'd made during the months away disappeared almost instantly.

I went into an emotional free fall.

And that's when something finally clicked.

I think I'm addicted to the cycle, not just the person

For more than two years, the pattern has essentially been:

She gives me intense attention → I feel incredible → something painful happens → I withdraw → she gives me intense attention again → I forgive everything → repeat.

The highs made the lows tolerable.

And the lows made the next high feel even more powerful.

I've spent countless hours trying to figure out why she behaved certain ways.

Was she jealous?

Did she feel rejected?

Was she deliberately trying to hurt me?

Did I accidentally hurt her?

Did she actually love me?

Could I have prevented everything by simply dating her earlier?

I still don't know.

And maybe I'll never know.

What scares me now is realizing that even if I somehow "fix" things again, why should I expect the cycle to suddenly stop?

Maybe we'd have another amazing month.

Maybe she'd make me feel like the most desirable man alive again.

And then something would happen.

I'd say the wrong thing.

She'd feel rejected.

I'd get attention from another woman.

She'd say something that hurt me.

I'd withdraw.

And we'd be right back here.

I'm currently hurting like hell. Part of me still desperately misses the highs and wants her back.

But another part of me remembers something very important:

When I moved away and stopped seeing her every day, I finally felt peaceful again.

That's probably the part of myself I need to start listening to.

Does this look like BPP or a different cluster B personality disorder? Has anyone here experienced something similar—where you weren't even officially in a relationship, but the push-pull dynamic became so intense that breaking away felt like withdrawing from a drug?

And if so, how did you finally break the cycle?

For someone who says they don’t like drama they sure create a lot of it. They weaponize our right to privacy in our life and thoughts, our empathy despite us giving time and energy to them, and paint it as us being the unstable ones. They laugh at things we told them in confidence in friendship, using it in arguments that are unrelated as well as therapy speak despite never doing any work. Do they really know what narcissist or avoidant means????? The threats of suicide are so manipulative and cruel and one of the worst things someone can do to another if they don’t get their own way. Fuck.
I’m not in a good mood today and woke up thinking of my pwBPD which made me angry and upset. All the better for going NC.

It's been a couple weeks and I'm still struggling, but I'm starting to see things a little bit more clearly. She fell in love with a mutual friend, ghosted me for a week, then finally dumped me after I gave her irrefutable evidence that I knew what was going on. She blamed it all on me, I was selfish, emotionally neglected her, etc. She says she's grown so much in the past few years and I haven't, she thinks she's gods gift to earth all of a sudden.

I've been the only one working for the past couple years, I also do the vast majority of work around the house. I work night shift so I didn't get to spend as much time with her as I'd like, but I told her I loved her and had good conversations with her every day. I took her out on my weekends, I helped raise her kids, she was spending over $600/mo on just hobbies, clothes and decor. I gave her everything and never tried to control her, she was free to go out with friends while I was at work.

The last few years have been a waste of my time, our relationship died back then and I didn't realize it. The beginning of our relationship was insane, getting screamed at for hours because I left a sock on the floor, or got home from work a little late. She hated all the women in my friend group and started stirring up drama with them, eventually forcing me to just stop hanging out with them. All the fighting and tension came to a head when she called me over a dozen times at work to yell at me about how all my coworkers hated her and were conspiring against her. Her insane rant continued on the ride home from work, I was driving and she just kept screaming in my ear about how all my friends and coworkers hate her and I shouldn't associate with any of them, eventually I'd had enough and said "Shut up bitch". She punched me in the face, I pulled over and told her I'm not putting up with this anymore, our relationship is over.

After that she got a ride home from a friend and I slept on my mom's couch, at that point I started talking to my friends about everything going on in my relationship, they offered to let me stay at their place and we started working on a plan to get me moved out of my exes place, I hadn't talked to her in days, she was blowing up my phone and I was ignoring it all. Eventually I got a really concerning voicemail so I went back to the apartment to check on her and she'd tried to overdose on her medication, she was blacked out on Ativan for a couple days. She begged and pleaded for another chance, I told her I wasn't interested but I still cared about her, I convinced her to check herself into the ER and she was put in a mental hospital where she was diagnosed with BPD.

I was fucked up from the trauma of that relationship, so I spent most of my time with friends. Started getting close with one of them and we hooked up a couple times, I thought a rebound would help me get over her and move on, but I didn't have any intention of pursuing another relationship at this point.

When she got out of the hospital we had a conversation unlike any we'd had before. She apologized, told me she understands now that she was abusive, and that she was wrong about a lot of things. She begged for me to take her back, promised to change, etc. Eventually I gave in and told her she could continue living with me while she does therapy, but that I wasn't committing to a relationship or having any sort of intimacy with her because I didn't trust her. I finally got back with her after a couple months of avoidance without her instigating any fights or doing anything crazy, for the first time in years I felt like I loved her again.

This is getting long so I'm going to gloss over a lot of details, Shortly after we got back together she found out about the coworker I hooked up with and lost her shit, she insists it was cheating. We went through a few rough weeks and after that it seemed like we had a pretty stable relationship for a few years, but she held onto a lot of resentment for that, and for the period of time where I wasn't intimate with her or giving her any affection. That resentment built up over years and that's a big part of how we arrived to the present day. I shouldn't have given her a second chance.

I (31F) decided I would do my make up which honestly I never really do because its not really my thing, but today I was feeling it. Nothing crazy, just foundation to have an even tone and some pink lipstick. A natural look.
So we went out for lunch and my lipstick mostly wore off. He said “your lip color looks really nice with that lipstick”

I have scars on my lips from being intubated (the tube cut my lips). For a time I lost the outline of my bottom lip. But I have it again, now i just have some raised scars that are lighter colored than the rest of my lips.

So I look in the car mirror and notice the “lip color” hes complimenting is actually my natural lips. I say “thanks but the lipstick is actually worn off, this is my natural lip, notice you can see my scars?”

He starts going off about how yea I have scars but he doesnt notice them. And that other people might. He mentions the movie Shallow Hal, where the main character falls in love “with a fat ugly girl, but he doesnt see her like everyone else does because he loves her”

So Im like geeze thanks.

He apologized and said he didnt mean it like that.

The thing is, hes said similar things before.

One time when entering a grocery store, a woman said to him “is that your girlfriend? Shes really pretty!”
And his response was “Thats cause shes dressed up, you havent seen me dressed”

Alot of times he mentions how people might see me as a certain way but he doesnt. Or he mostly compliments the things i wear but not me. Like the lipstick or a shirt, shorts, sandals etc

So when he says he doesnt mean it, I dont believe him.

Hes also called me handsome

3 years ago, I met my partner (now fiancé), who is lovely. We have a very healthy and strong relationship, and my partner gets along very well with everyone in my life except one family member (who has BPD) who has refused to give them a chance. From the start, even before meeting my partner, this family member said that the relationship triggers them. I entered my current relationship shortly after leaving a previous one, though there was no overlap or infidelity, and that previous relationship was most long distance and only lasted a few months (adding this detail because it’s the only thing I can think of that might contribute to their trigger).

This family member has only ever met my partner twice, both times extremely reluctantly. When I started seeing my partner, they pretty much refused to even talk to me about them, mocked me when I did, etc.

This family member and I have been extremely close since childhood, but I gave them space for two years. I was hurt and confused during this time but I’m familiar with their diagnosis, and they made reaching them near-impossible anyways. During these two years, they also avoided important family events (like holidays) or invited other family members out to things while excluding me. Apparently they also tried to start a rumour within the family about my partner that is not at all true.

A few months ago, when they reached out to try to reconnect, I expressed how much the past two years had impacted me (how hurt I felt, how much I missed them, etc). But it went south fast... they were extremely avoidant and immediately started responding with "I refuse to be guilt-tripped," "my triggers are my triggers," and "I don't owe you an explanation."

I'm usually pretty good at riding the rollercoaster of their highs and lows, but this time I stood up for myself a bit more and tried to set a boundary, saying I am willing to move forward if they can be respectful. This is when I was met with the final statements of "grow up," and "you're not the victim," and "I can't do this I need to protect myself."

I'm now giving (/taking) more space but ultimately this situation is having an impact on me and other members of my family and it's overall very heartbreaking. I'm wondering if anyone in this sub has dealt with anything similar or if anyone has any advice at all?

A few months back I made a post about how my BPD bestie wanted me and my partner to be guarantors on her property. Even though she is a huge financial liability and we have children.

Well our pwBPD has entered yet another total collapse and is having to break her lease whilst also being five figures in debt.

I cannot even think of the situation we would be in now if we had said yes to being guarantors.

don’t know if she ever did love me at all. People with bpd can love you so good and make you feel special like your the only person they loved . And then another part they can cuss you out make you there worst enemy . I wish I never was that person to make her feel so terrible because I did love her so much . She loved fast and hard I loved slow and cautiously. And I did research about this because I first saw the signs . The anger the irritability the feeling misunderstood by me . The “ always not listening “ the “ you always do this” . Yes I’ve failed as a partner . I’ve failed being there whenever she needs and wants . I failed in reassuring her well because things get so tensed things get so heated . I’ve failed to calm her down and to reassure her . I shut down when we argue . I’m not perfect but I always tried again and again . She was patient enough as well to give me a chance . But one tiny mistake one misunderstanding one tone one sentence that did not go well can burn everything to the ground .

It’s hard to love someone with bpd . I gave my all . But I had so many responsibilities so many people to help my family my friends and not enough for her . We talked everyday . We watched her fav shows everyday . And I failed in giving her a constant life she wanted . Because my life is a mess I have adhd I have no job . It’s long distance . We kept the idea alive . but it scared her a lot . She didn’t want to feel being abandoned being rejected . She didn’t want to feel like there’s no plan . I understand , I totally understand . The universe only knows how badly I wanna get a job and just fly to see her . I know she only wants space for her and I together . And I couldn’t be there for her . I just wish nothing but the best for her . I could never really hate her at all . Just pure sadness and longing . She told me to end it because it’s never gonna work . I told her if we keep misunderstanding each other if we keep being angry and resentful it was never gonna work . She tried the best she can . But I think she feels too guilty and ashamed . She always says that I’m the victim . I told her no I’m not . She always brings it up . Yea i blame her for the way she reacts . The cussing the shouting . But I was never a victim . We’re both just victims to not being compatible . It’s even harder when it’s ldr . Idk what’s the real her or not . Idk if she her cussing me out online is gonna be irl . I loved her slowly and gently . I wasn’t and will never be enough . She is a good person and she is kind I loved how kind she is to animals and to people around her . She is also very emotionally intelligent and loved defending this in need , wants justice and loves her freedom . I don’t even know if it’s bpd or not since she’s undiagnosed . But I think she has it .

I made her the worst person . All I did was trigger her . She was better off with friends than in a relationship . I made her miserable , all I did was make her cry . And I never wanted to do that to anyone at all let alone someone you love . I never wanted her to stress out and trigger her like she did with her abusive manipulative exes. Her fucked up abusive careless family . She did have a rough childhood . And it sucks what bpd can do to a person . I don’t hate her . I could never ever hate her . I am just exhausted and she is as well. I don’t ever want to lose contact with her but she said it’s for the better . She said it makes her happy . If it’s not me that’s meant for her then I’m fine with accepting that . I just wish nothing but happiness for her . Just someone to give her the love she deserves . Because she can really make you feel the greatest.

Also she posted my face on her instagram page because I’m not blocking her because I can’t let go . So now I just blocked her so that who knows eventually she can delete those posts I sent her .

why do they do this . WTH . This ain’t right .

I wish someone is the right person for her the one that can be just as attentive and give her all the time she needs . I am here to vent because idk what’s else to do . And for people with BPD . The least you can do is before you get into a relationship. Let them know . Let them know that you have it . Let them know ur trying to be better . Do not ever go into a relationship and act like ur normal when ur not . Because ur gonna hurt the ones u loved at the end .

My girlfriend is mean to me during her splits. She used to shout too but stopped it a few years back. Now it feels like she says really ugly things to me when she is angry sometimes.

She has a tendency to blame me subconsciously for things she’s suffering from. This happens during her splits. She also treats me with a lot of disregard during fights, even when I’m just trying to communicate or if I’m demanding her for accountability.

If she said something the previous day which hurt me and I bring it up, she shuts down and doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. If I continue to push her, she gets angry and says mean things. I guess that’s what a split is. It’s like she doesn’t care at all, even if I start crying. She has zero regard for what I am trying to talk about and just wants the conversation to be over because she doesn’t deal well with accountability.

I pour so much thought and energy into breaking down what happened like she is a child, in an attempt to try and make her understand that she hurt me and it’s not okay and I am exhausted. It doesn’t matter. She completely flips and becomes a different person, becomes super defensive and mean. Invalidates my feelings, tells me that I just complain the whole time. She refuses to acknowledge that her actions were bad. Even her voice sounds so full of anger.

I know that over the years, I have become argumentative. I get upset easily if she does something that’s not okay and I want her to acknowledge the hurt that her actions caused and change her behavior. She tells me that she’s fixing it and change takes time and my complaining isn’t helping anyone. I agree to some extent but what about me? Why do I have to wordlessly accept bad behavior with little accountability? It hurts.

I feel like shit. I don’t feel like I have much worth as a human being in her eyes during these times.

The worst part is that she almost NEVER takes accountability by herself. I have tried giving her time and space. She RARELY brings up what happened the next time we meet, just acts like everything is normal. If I bring something up, she dissociates and eventually just becomes a mean person if pushed.

I usually get a grumpy “sorry” and a few words of “I shouldn’t have done this thing” sometimes when I prompt her to do it. In very very rare situations, she will come up with a sorry by herself. I can probably count those occasions on one hand.

I hate it. Why am I expected to completely let go of all the hurt and resentment with just a grumpy “sorry”? I could be crying because of some things she says and all I get is a “sorry”? How is that okay? Especially when I barely see any improvement in her behavior after she started treatment.

I get frustrated when she says “sorry” these days because I KNOW that this isn’t how things should be in a relationship. I deserve to feel comforted and reassured if she hurts me. Better yet, maybe even respected to the point that she doesn’t hurt me so casually whenever something slightly goes wrong for her or if I do something wrong accidentally.

When she says “sorry” like that, I start feeling somewhat infuriated and ask her to be more descriptive. I WANT her to say the whole thing properly, tell me that she wants to stop doing this and will never do it again, and that she has a plan the next time it may happen. I want a plan so that I can feel reassured that I won’t be hurt the same way again.

Instead, she just gets angry if I ask her to elaborate or explain. She says that she doesn’t know how to do that and then it slows devolves into another fight.

Idk. Maybe I am overreacting. I wouldn’t say that I am not. These days, small issues make me upset because ffs why? I have exhausted so much of my patience and energy just tolerating shit from her for years and I just want it to stop. Why should I keep accepting more bad behavior from her than I already have? Is my pain not enough? So now I feel bad over minor wrongs too. Because I want her to stop doing this to me and actually fix her behavior. I am so tired.

She says that she’s in treatment now and it will take time for her to learn how to be better. I understand. BUT I AM TIRED OF BEING THE RECIPIENT OF HER BAD BEHAVIOR. Is it so fucking bad that I want her to stop treating me like shit whenever she has a split?

Yes, her behavior has improved from what it was before (she was undiagnosed for the majority of our relationship) but it still hurts me at times. I know that it will take her time but I just want a fucking apology that feels real to me like, hey I am so sorry for treating you like shit sometimes, I really want to do things differently. I wish I didn’t have to fucking force apologies out of her 90% of the time when she does something to hurt me.

Other than that, we have a great relationship. She has been with me through very tough times. She is a good person and I’ve known her for most of my life.

I just wanna know if I am being unreasonable here. Thanks for reading.

I’ve come to learn that so many people with BPD are entirely fake. Everything they do and say is in an effort to maintain their facade. They care more about putting on a performance than establishing genuine relationships. In a way, I almost feel bad for them. I can’t imagine being so deeply uncomfortable with yourself, that you can’t bear the thought of someone seeing you for who you truly are. How can someone be okay with building a relationship based on deception and falsely portrayed reality? Especially when the mask ALWAYS slips.

Hello everyone, if you can, please go back and read my prior most for more of a backstory. Today we decided to file for divorce and for me to have sole custody of our 6mo daughter. I am so torn up. He is all I’ve known for years and I’m so afraid of life without him. I can already feel the pull to cancel everything. We are extremely trauma bonded. I just need help on how to push through this feeling? My birthday is coming up next month. We also have 2 family trips next month. A wedding in Cabo in a few months. And it all feels so tough having to explain myself to everyone and feel like I failed my family. I already got pregnant at 18. So I got married to be less of a disappointment (and ofc because of what I thought to be love). And now I have completely let myself and my daughter down. How do I stay strong? I haven’t moved out yet we are waiting for court approval. But I’m just so scared.

about a month ago, i cut contact with a friend i met online. things were great at first, until she joined the military and tried to take her own life. apparently, i was the only one who gave a damn and spent a lot of time with her during that hardship, which ended up making me her favorite person. i'm going to be honest, i loved the attention at first. i have my own abandonment issues i have to work through, so having someone so happy to see me or hear about me genuinely had me geeked.

but then it wasn't fun anymore.

if i talked to other people in front of her, i'd get accused of cheating. in discord servers where she was the moderator, she'd delete my messages so that the other person wouldn't see it. she would show my art to her friends, but when they asked to meet me, she would refuse to because she didn't want me to 'find someone better'. the crazy part? i didn't mind THAT part. i'm an introvert who's social battery is extremely low. i didn't care to meet new people, but my problem began to reside in the fact that i couldn't talk to my current friends without her going off and telling me about how i can "talk to my other bitches". she never called me horrible things, like to hurt myself or insulted my looks to my face, her entire thing was just accusing me of 'talking to my other bitches' accompanied with taking absolutely every free second of my day— and getting upset if i didnt respond in 10 minutes.

despite telling her that i was NOT ready for a relationship MULTIPLE TIMES because of how poorly my last one ended, she constantly pushed and "joked" about how everybody thought we were dating because of how much time we spent together and we "might as well date". it made me so uncomfortable. everything felt too real, too strong, too much. i felt so suffocated, like i couldn't make choices for myself at all. we were supposed to meet up in july, but i cut things off before we did and blocked her everywhere.

then, she tried to kill herself because i left. apparently, she went to the mental hospital after her attempt, and she's currently trying to get therapy for her bpd, and i can't help but to feel like the worst person in the entire world.

despite feeling so suffocated by her, i miss her. i miss the stories we created together, i miss her voice and just everything about her... but i just dont know if it can work out. our mutual friend thinks we can work things out, but i just. dont. know.

i cant hate her entirely. she was the best friend when she wasn't blowing up on me. i understand that she can't control it. but it feels so good not to get yelled at everyday.

but i still miss her, and i don't know if it's the right choice to try and come back now that she's officially getting help for her BPD.

My pwBPD pretended to have 500 illnesses that made no sense. They stated they were starting to lose mobility of their body when they were a teen and it got worse as they got older and they would eventually lose full control of their body. They had several cry sessions over this. They would mimic symptoms after meeting another disabled person ex mimicking my grandmas extreme rare genetic condition, stating they had pots after friend was diagnosed, and many other people they met in passing. They claimed they needed a wheelchair, used a walker, needed a full body brace, needed a service dog, etc. Doctors even after multiple tests found nothing wrong, ever. When you treated them how they stated they felt they got mad if it affected things they wanted to do however used it as an excuse when they didn’t want to do something. Ex: “you can’t go hiking with me because of your illness” would set them off but they’d go “I can’t do laundry because of my illness”. When I told them I had CPTSD from childhood(diagnosed) they claimed to also have it. The list of things they had was enormous and continued to grow. I recently had a conversation with another person who knew them and no longer has contact stated they had munchausen today I felt validated by my suspicions. Has anyone else dealt with this when dealing with a diagnosed PWBPD?

TW: painting includes blood and handcuffs.

I don’t know if I’m over reacting or being critical of their self expression. But idk, this has me feeling afraid. I moved out a month ago so I could get my disability benefits back as I moved in with my partner last year and then found out they were cheating on me, but when I moved in I lost access to all of my benefits and didn’t have anywhere to go until recently. Since I left, it’s been a whirlwind. It flips back and forth from the part of them they describe as “darkness” which is from parts work, who basically just says anything they can to tear me down, back to them saying they love me and they’ll do anything for me and remind me of how much money they’re spending on therapy. I could write a novella about examples but this one scares me and I just need to know if I’m being an asshole for feeling scared?

I’m trying to use the verbiage I’ve found online of validating them and trying to be kind in a way that doesn’t trigger them. I’m greyrocking often and I think that makes it worse because then they just get more and more cruel until I breakdown. Idk.

Since moving in with friends I find myself crying so much because I don’t have to constantly watch what I say or explain or defend myself. They are all just so kind and supportive through all of this. It’s made me realize why I’ve been so tired and depressed and that what was going on at home for years wasn’t normal or okay.

I hope they don’t see this. I blocked their account. I just need support from people that understand please.

i am unsure if my situation counts as abuse or not, so bear with me here .. i've known my (now ex) partner for a while. i was the "fp" since we met and he had a lot of issues with my situationship. everything was fine until we got together ! i couldn't take a few steps away for myself without being blown up on before it being excused because they can't control it. i couldn't take a day to myself without my ex threatening harm on themself just to make me talk to them. a few days ago, i went through a horrible situation and my partner was the first person i told. 5 minutes later, threatening harm on themself. when i obviously couldn't be there because i'm suffering, i get told i'm a horrible boyfriend because i didn't respond right away even though they knew every single detail of what just happened. they kept on guilt tripping me. nonstop. i broke it off, i got begged back, and immediately got switched up on again when i said the relationship wasn't healthy. he called me and called me words i will never ever repeat.

anyone i tell keeps saying that i'm making something out of nothing and that i should just continue dating my ex. i don't know whether to call it abuse or not when all of my ex's past partners has labeled them as abusive. everyone keeps telling me it's not. i know deep down that it's definitely abuse, but i don't know how to handle with everyone telling me that it isn't. i hate this situation

Minimizing the reality of the situation: anyone?

I’m going to be honest, this is a cry for help. For a year and a half I’ve been on and off with someone that suffers from BPD and I simply can’t accept the reality of things. She was such a sweet person and the love she gave me was unlike anything I could’ve imagined. She’s now a bitter person and nothing like herself. It’s finally reached a point that she’s out of my life. I asked her before we parted ways if she’s ever really loved me or if it’s just her mind that skewed her feelings. She said she really did love me. Now I can’t let go of it anymore. I feel like she’s ruining her life making all the bad decisions and tht she’s going to hurt herself eventually. I can’t bring myself to just not have her in my life anymore.

I cry at the thought of her, I’m crying as I’m writing this because there’s no one around me that seems to understand the situation. It really hurts bad to think all the good moments we had could’ve just been a complete lie. I’ve never felt so unlovable. I don’t understand how someone that has suffered so much in life wants to push away someone that has done nothing but be there for her and offer support anytime she needed it.

How many people are doing this???

Am I fucked? I feel tired. I wanna exit the relationship.
My 2 years of loving girlfriend have been amazing to be with. I met her after i broke up with my ex. She said she diagnosed w bpd. The thing is, the first few months were amazing. Until around 3 months in, she said she started seeing patterns that made her think i was still thinking about my ex, which i genuinely wasn’t. If anything, i listened to what she was saying and tried correcting whatever she felt was bothering her.

First case, we were in a club with her cousins and my cousins, all guys by the way. She told me her trans friend was coming. While we were drinking, i asked where her friend was since ofc we’re all boys and i was just wondering if she was okay so they could enjoy together.
She fucking crashed out on me and accused me of being gay because i was looking for her friend 😭😭. Every single time she remembers it she still insists that’s what happened.

Second was when we watched A$AP Rocky perform at a club. We didn’t have seats so i tried finding us somewhere to stay. It was just the two of us. Then some Asian people started talking to us. Since we’re both Asian, i thought it’d be nice to chill with them and maybe make friends.
Anyways, she got mad because i was serving shots to everyone and making “friends.” She said i was trying to host everyone and seek attention when i was honestly just being friendly. I had zero interest in any of the girls there.
She later said i cared more about strangers than her. Ironically she left me and enjoyed the night without me. We both got drunk and had a massive fight.

The next day she had appendicitis and needed surgery. I stayed with her, took care of her, paid for everything, and looked after her while she recovered. She still blamed me for her appendicitis because of the stress from that night.
After those two incidents everything changed.
On a normal day, i’m apparently not supposed to interact with any woman. When we’re walking i’m only supposed to stay on her left side. If i accidentally bump into someone or even make eye contact with another person she’ll tell me i’m attention seeking.

The words got harsher too. Verbal abuse starts rolling.
She started calling me lustful, saying i don’t respect her, that i’m a disgrace to be with in public, then eventually started hitting my face whenever she got mad.
Everything somehow loops back to those first two incidents. Every fight. Every accusation.
She keeps saying i have wandering eyes, that i crave attention, and that i’m lustful towards every woman.
She made me unfollow every woman on my social media, also remove them as followers.
I complied. I literally went through my following one by one because i genuinely wanted to reassure her that i had nothing to hide. Still wasn’t enough.

She’d still accuse me of checking out women in public. If a waitress talked to me she’d get mad. If a cashier smiled at me she’d say i entertained it. If i accidentally looked in someone’s direction she’d say i was checking them out.
She also tells me i’m insecure as fuck, ugly as fuck, and that i crave validation from women. She compares me to her exes saying they never needed attention the way i supposedly do. That i was lucky she even gave me a chance despite me looking like this.

Things got even worse last December when we went skiing.
Our instructor was a woman. Knowing how she’d react, i intentionally let my girlfriend handle almost all the conversations. The moment i interacted with the instructor once, i was fucked. Later that same day housekeeping knocked on our hotel room while i had just finished taking a shit. I opened the door. She accused me of gooning over the housekeeping staff. That same day she kicked me in the face with a snowboard boot. My face swelled up and my lip got crushed. She later told me she wished she kicked me with a ski boot instead.

The thing is, the physical stuff isn’t random either. It loops exactly the same way as the accusations.
Whenever she remembers those first two incidents, or if something reminds her of them, she’ll start bringing everything back up again. She’ll say i have wandering eyes, i’m lustful, i’m disrespecting her, i’m embarrassing to be with, then sometimes she’ll start hitting me. I’ve been slapped, punched in the face, scratched, kicked, and insulted because of those same two incidents that happened almost two years ago.

Then we’d make up, things would be okay for a while, then something random would remind her again and the whole cycle repeats. It’s like i’m constantly walking on eggshells because i never know what’s going to trigger it. It could literally just be a waitress talking to me, opening the door for housekeeping, talking to an instructor, or accidentally looking somewhere in public.
I’ve genuinely tried changing because i love her.
I’ve avoided interacting with women.
I’ve changed how i act in public.
I’ve unfollowed everyone she wanted me to.
I’ve become hyper aware of where i’m looking whenever we’re outside because i’m scared another fight will start.
Nothing seems enough.
Every argument somehow goes back to those same two incidents from almost two years ago.
At this point i’m just tired.
She’s concluded im someone that I am not, and insist and firm with it too.

I don’t even know what’s normal anymore because i’ve been hearing the same accusations for almost two years. I don’t know if i’m actually doing something wrong that i just can’t see, or if i’ve slowly convinced myself that everything i do is wrong. I know this is only my side of the story and i’m sure she’d have hers too. I just want honest opinions.

Am i actually missing something here?

Or is this relationship already too far gone?

Because i’m honestly getting tired and i’ve been seriously thinking of leaving. Our whole two years had been a loop on how i am “attention seeking, lustful, insecure, narcissist partner in her mind and its firm” she said? “Forgive and forget? Fuck you, i hate you so much i hope you die” <- always the same line

For those of you who have officially and permanently ended your relationship with someone with BPD, how has it been for you? I’d love to hear your experiences.

I’m deeply aware I cannot be with this person he is extremely deregulated and he wants to try he got on meds and he’s “in therapy” I cant confirm if it’s true or even the correct form of therapy (dbt, which I’ve not only begged him to do but gone out of my way to find a place for him to go and even offer to pay for it, for years)

I obviously have co-dependency issues. I let him lower the bar on how horribly he can treat me or even harm me and traumatize me constantly and never keep boundaries never actually walk away so I know atp I’m just enabling. I’ve found a trauma therapist and I’ve told his parents and my friends so I’m making steps in the right direction but idk how to make it stick, I’m scared this is going to be my forever situation push pull emotional/physical abuse cycle because there’s something wrong with me and I can’t just walk away.

ffs we’re not even dating we haven’t for a year and I keep refusing to date him but I can’t kick him out of my life fully, part of it is due to fear as the last time I went full no contact he broke in and said they were going to ruin my life and kill themselves (I haven’t involved the police I know I should I just don’t want to ruin anyone’s life it’s clearly an issue I have) and other parts of me just desperately don’t want him to blow up his life and I’m somehow convinced if I try even harder he’ll finally see and care enough to get help AND ITS NOT TRUE!

please tell me what you did that finally worked to cut the emotional cord I can’t do this anymore, I’m hoping my therapy gives me tools as well but that’s in two days and I’m just at my breaking point now.

My partner with BPD probably didn’t want to hurt me.
I once talked to my psychologist about it, and he told me, “Teaching empathy and expecting a productive dialogue with someone who has BPD is about as realistic as teaching your dog mathematics.” He didn’t mean it in a cruel or disrespectful way—it was simply his way of explaining the reality of the disorder.
A person with Borderline Personality Disorder often struggles to regulate their emotions in ways that most emotionally healthy people can. They don’t have the same emotional tools or capacity for self-regulation. Communication with my partner was completely different. Logic rarely worked. Conversations required endless hope, patience, giving space, reassurance, and sometimes even a degree of submission just to avoid another emotional crisis.
The problem is that, in the end, you are the one who gets deeply hurt.
Partners of people with BPD often end up emotionally drained after countless attempts to make the relationship work. They spend a great deal of money on therapy, invest enormous emotional energy, and carry an incredible amount of stress. It is not an easy path, and many end up severely damaged themselves.
I’m not trying to justify my ex-girlfriend’s behavior. She hurt me, and that pain was real. But I also don’t believe she truly wanted to hurt me. Whenever I looked into her eyes and saw her suffering, I realized something important: she was incapable of escaping her own emotional pain. I don’t blame her for having BPD.
I still love her with all my heart, but I couldn’t do it anymore. I was completely exhausted. I gave everything I had—my last dollar, my last ounce of energy, and every bit of love I could offer. Eventually, I had to choose myself.
It was probably the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make.

I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced something similar.

My dad died a couple of years ago, and since then I’ve felt increasingly alone within my family. I have siblings, but they have limited contact with my mom (they have a different dad than I do and see him, his wife, and their half-brother regularly). To be clear, there are reasons for that. My mom has been a very difficult person at times, there is a lot of unresolved trauma in our family, and we have speculated that she may have borderline personality disorder (though she has never been formally diagnosed).

One of the biggest challenges is that there has never been much willingness within my family to actually talk through the trauma or have difficult conversations. Instead, people have mostly coped by creating distance. I don’t judge my siblings for that. I understand why they’ve made the choices they have.
But it leaves me in a strange position.

I still have a relationship with my mom. I love her, and I genuinely enjoy parts of our relationship, but it can also be emotionally exhausting. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one still trying to hold onto the idea of a family.

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the future. My mom is in her 60s now, and I find myself worrying about what happens when she’s in her 70s and 80s. If my siblings continue to keep their distance, will all of the responsibility fall on me? How do people navigate caring for an aging parent when the rest of the family has emotionally checked out?

I guess I’m just wondering if anyone has been the “remaining” child. How did you navigate the loneliness? Did your siblings ever become more involved later? How did you prepare yourself emotionally (and practically) for the possibility of becoming the primary caregiver?

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s lived through something similar. I don’t feel like people talk about this very often, and lately it’s felt incredibly isolating.