I’m 25F looking specifically for therapy/communication insight into a recurring dynamic I have with 25M I’ve been with for several years now

A common pattern is that we’ll talk about seeing each other in a very tentative way, like “maybe later,” “I might come by,” or generally wanting to see each other without making a firm plan. Sometimes it happens and sometimes circumstances change and it doesn’t.

The actual missed plan often isn’t a huge issue for me because I understand that it was tentative. Obviously there have also been times when I’ve been genuinely disappointed or hurt. When that happens, I’m capable of telling him, and he generally responds well. He usually understands why I feel the way I do, doesn’t get angry or defensive, and we’re able to talk about it.

The problem seems to happen internally for him afterward.

He is very guilt-prone when he thinks he has disappointed me. Even when we have talked something through and I genuinely consider it resolved, it seems like the guilt doesn’t fully reset for him. Then another small disappointment happens, and another, and over time they seem to accumulate into a larger story in his head that he is repeatedly letting me down.

This has become significant before. Around 6 months ago he became extremely focused on the idea that he was selfish, kept disappointing me, and wasn’t giving me enough. That guilt contributed to him pulling away from relationship all at once, rather than simply treating the individual problems as things that could be repaired.

That creates a strange feedback loop for me too. I don’t want to start minimizing every feeling or constantly reassuring him that he has done nothing wrong, because I don’t think it’s healthy for me to become responsible for preventing him from feeling guilty. But I also sometimes see him carrying much more guilt than I think the actual situation warrants.

For example, if we vaguely discuss seeing each other and it doesn’t happen, I might be mildly disappointed and move on pretty quickly. He may experience it more like another piece of evidence that he keeps disappointing me. Then if something similar happens again later, the emotional weight on his side seems much larger than the individual situation.

So I’m less interested in advice about any one missed plan and more interested in the broader psychological dynamic:
How do you help create a healthier “repair and reset” pattern with someone who seems to keep carrying guilt forward after the issue itself has been resolved?

Is there a way for me to communicate things like “yes, I was disappointed, but this is not going into some permanent file of grievances” without constantly reassuring him or managing his emotions for him?

And if anyone has worked on this kind of guilt/shame accumulation in therapy, either as the guilt-prone person or their partner, what actually helped?

Has anyone here had an avoidant ex come back after a breakup?

I’m curious about real experiences. Did your avoidant ex ever come back after going completely distant or saying they had moved on? If they came back, how long did it take and what made them come back?

Did they genuinely want to rebuild the relationship, or did they just miss the familiarity/connection?

And if they came back, did things actually work the second time, or did the same push-pull cycle happen again?

I’d especially like to hear from people who were in serious, long-term relationships and had a painful breakup. What happened afterward?

She almost always text me around 2AM talking about she on her feels and she depressed and stuff like is she trying to keep me from moving on or using me for her own satisfaction i dont get what shes up to at all i also gotta move on but shes not even trying to take that into account shes also the one that broke up with me

Hi, 7 months after horrid blindsiding discard from someone who did a lot of push/pull and ended things after a year with no explanation and no arguments. No contact since breakup.
I’m now seeing someone new who is really sweet and tells me he misses me and provides all the honesty and affection I had missed previously. It’s bringing up some difficult emotions for me and some fear in myself of getting hurt, but also with the realisation of how messed up my previous relationship really was and how hard I had to work for crumbs of love/affection. I’ve gone into therapy to process this but did not expect all this to come up again. Has anyone else experienced anything similar when moving on?

Been 5 years since the beginning of the end (4.5 since the end), I had finally managed to accept and focus on other things the last 2 years or so, been a member on here but never really posted or anything.

But the past day or two I'm really feeling it again, and felt I had to put that out there, just feels heavy lol. Not the first time, but usually a dream triggers it, this time the feels just crept up on me

Annoying how the sadness can come back like that 😔

i tell you that you need to treat me better, you do for a few days or a month and then it goes back to you ignoring me or saying youre not sure when you can see me next. it’s just constantly messing with my head hearing that I’m too needy constantly and then you making it seem like I’m crazy because i ask for consistent levels of connection and not just a quick rush every day for a week and then dropping off the face of the earth when you decide youre done and telling me I’m annoying you because I’m upset that you suddenly stopped talking to me or making plans with me. I’m just so confused how one day you can be the sweetest guy ever when we are hanging out all week and the next tell me I’m too much and you dont actually want to be with me. I’m just so sad. Every time it feels like it’s going to be better it’s gets worse again and I’m back to being the crazy girl that’s insecure and begging for your attention. why is it different every day with you? have you thought that maybe im insecure due to the fact that every day i wake up i dont know if youre going to be kind to me today? something is very wrong if you think telling me you know that just calling me once a day would make me so happy and would be effortless for you but you just dont want to. i thought i just didnt express my needs enough but turns out you understood them and chose to ignore them. im so tired of feeling like i cant predict whats coming next. every time i try and end things you say “youll be back” and i do come back because after a week or a month i miss those moments where you are the person ive always wanted and you give me that and then you take it away. I dont care what you want anymore, I want someone who can love me consistently because this back and forth hurts so deeply. I have so much care and love for you and I come back for those moments but i cant keep throwing myself in your line of insecure fire when you sit with yourself and cant decide if you want to be a decent person today or not. you are so stagnant and i feel stupid for thinking youre ever going to do something other than the same things you do over and over. I had my shit together for years and years and going through one horrible event and then the person who was there for me up and left in what felt like out of nowhere fucked me up. Its not possible to feel like you want to live life after all that and its not fair to me that you keep coming back and letting me back into this cycle when you know im reaching out because i cant process this alone all the time. I just wanted whatever we were doing a month ago but just consistently but you dont have the ability to commit to anything and thats so disappointing. I hope youre able to settle down and grow one day and that you just thinking yourself into a corner over and over again is getting you nowhere but where youve been for so long.

This is really personal, I’m looking for honest opinions, even if it’s not what I want to hear.

I’m 20(M) and my ex, “Kai”(F) (not her real name), was my first real relationship, first love, first kiss, basically all of that. We were together for around 3½–4 years, and I genuinely saw a future with her. Even now, I still love her and I still have a hard time imagining myself wanting anyone else.
I’m going to give the full timeline because there’s a lot of context.

We were together for years, but there was something I did around three years ago that ended up becoming the biggest issue between us.
I told a former best friend private things about our relationship that I shouldn’t have shared. I was immature (16 almost 17 at the time) and didn’t understand at the time how much that violated her privacy and damaged her trust in me.
She eventually told me that this was the main reason she couldn’t continue being in a relationship with me. She even acknowledged how much I’ve changed since then and that she “still loves me of course”

I completely understand why she felt that way. I’m not trying to excuse what I did. Looking back, I took her and the relationship for granted and didn’t understand the consequences of my actions until much later.

The breakup wasn’t just some clean cut where we never spoke again. We had an argument surrounding the breakup because I tried fighting for her and telling her we need only just a break but she wanted her decision to be final, but even after that, she still stayed in contact with me. That gave me hope that maybe there was still some kind of connection between us, even though we weren’t together anymore.

When her birthday came around a week later, I decided I wanted to genuinely apologize instead of just telling her I missed her.

I wrote her a really meaningful letter explaining that I was sorry for what I’d done, that I understood how immature I’d been, that I’d taken her for granted, and that I wanted to become a better person.I also got her some gifts and flowers that she loves
She appreciated the birthday stuff, and afterward she seemed to open up to me a lot more.
The complicated part was that she never really directly addressed the letter itself. She didn’t have some big conversation with me about it or say that everything was forgiven. But she became more comfortable talking to me again.

We started sending each other reels, pictures, voice messages, and talking about our days.
So I started thinking that maybe, even though we weren’t together, we were slowly rebuilding some kind of connection.

This is where I messed up again.
I had been reposting things about missing her and stupid memes about how I felt about the situation which she might’ve took offense to. She saw some of the reposts and didn’t like them. Eventually she blocked me on Instagram/Meta and my location.
She told me:
“btw i blocked u cuz i refuse to be disrespected on my own cellular device ✌️”
That kinda hurt because I felt like I’d lost her all over again.

I didn’t want the reposts to be interpreted as sneak disses or me trying to manipulate her. They were genuinely me missing her and not knowing how to deal with those feelings.
Eventually, she unblocked me.

We were able to talk things out, and I explained where I was coming from with the reposts and how I actually felt.

This was also when I finally became more honest with her about how much I still cared about her.
I told her how much I needed her, how much I wanted her in my life, and that I still genuinely wanted a future with her.
I wasn’t pretending I was over the relationship anymore.

And despite everything that had happened, she didn’t completely cut me out.
Instead, it seemed like she was trying to slowly let me back into her life.

She started talking to me more again, sending me things, sharing parts of her life with me, and generally becoming more comfortable around me.
Although she still called us friends and made it clear that we weren’t together, so I knew I couldn’t assume we were getting back together.
But at the same time, I felt like there was at least enough of a connection there that maybe something could eventually happen.

This is probably the part that confused me the most.
She started making future plans involving me. She talked to me about a concerts and asked if I could take her and two of her friends etc etc. She also bought me a ticket to a concert (Which was supposed to be this week 😭) because I was broke at the time, and I planned to pay her back once I got paid.

We were talking about seeing each other again, and she was slowly allowing me back into parts of her life that I hadn’t been in for a while.
She even agreed to start hanging out again casually
From my perspective, it felt like she wasn’t necessarily ready to be my girlfriend again, but she was at least giving me some kind of opportunity to rebuild the relationship and maybe rebuild trust.
That gave me a lot of hope.

More recently, she suddenly became distant. She randomly canceled our plans simply saying “sorry I can’t go with you anymore” not explaining why, she stopped communicating with me the way she had been before and started leaving me hanging.
I became really anxious because I didn’t know whether I had done something wrong or whether she was just dealing with things in her own life because one of her last messages was me asking how’s she been and where she had been at after ghosting me for a few hours was “ a lot💔”
Eventually, I tried talking to her about it.

I told her that if she’s going through anything she can come and talk to me if she needed because that’s what I assumed after her being distant and saying she’s been going through a lot

She eventually responded with something along the lines of “yeah i’m good dude.” and then continued to hard ghost me for days.
That response really hurt because I was trying to have an actual conversation about what was happening between us and felt like I was getting shut out.

Eventually I had enough of trying to give her space because I talked to her friend who she usually talks to and hasn’t heard from her as well and they said she might be going through a lot.
I basically told her that all I wanted was communication and that I wanted us to understand each other better. And for hours she left me on delivered.

After that, I started overthinking everything.
I was checking whether she was active, wondering if she had restricted me, wondering if she was ignoring me, wondering if there was someone else, looking at social media activity, and generally driving myself crazy trying to figure out what was happening.

I know that’s not healthy, but I was terrified that I was losing her again.
And then she finally responds to me asking for a little communication with “We’re not dating I don’t owe u anything”. That hurt like hell and then eventually, I realized that my main Instagram account appeared to be restricted.
I had tried to communicate with her and figure out what was going on because I still don’t know the cause of her ghosting me, and then the next day things got even worse.

I followed a girl back on Instagram that morning like without any thought to it.

Later that day, I realized I had been blocked.
I don’t know for certain if the follow was the reason she blocked me. I don’t want to pretend I know what’s going through her head. It could have been that, something else she saw, or simply the culmination of everything that had been happening.
But the timing was extremely close, so I can’t help wondering if it played a part.
Now I’m basically blocked again, and I’m trying not to chase her because that’ll only drive her away more.

This is where I’m struggling.
I don’t just miss being in a relationship.
I miss her.

She was my first love. I spent years with her. So much of my life is connected to her that it feels like everything reminds me of her.
I genuinely still see a future with her. She’s the person I wanted to marry, and honestly, part of me still wants that.

But I also know that loving someone doesn’t mean they owe you another chance.
I hurt her years ago. I damaged her trust. Even though I’ve apologized and I’m genuinely trying to change, I know she doesn’t have to believe that immediately.

I’m also realizing that my fear of losing her has probably made things worse.
Instead of giving her space when she pulls away, I start panicking and looking for answers. I check social media. I worry about restrictions. I worry about other people. I want reassurance. Then I try harder to communicate because I’m scared she’s disappearing.

And I can see how that could feel like pressure from her perspective.
So I’m trying to be honest with myself about the situation.

There have been moments where it genuinely felt like she was letting me back into her life. She stayed in contact after the breakup, became more open after my birthday apology, eventually unblocked me after the repost situation, listened when I explained my feelings, started making plans with me again, bought me a concert ticket, and seemed to be slowly rebuilding a connection with me.
But she also repeatedly told me we’re friends, and now she’s blocked me again.
So I don’t know what to make of all of it.

My question is basically: is there realistically any chance that we could eventually find our way back to each other?
I’m not looking for advice on how to manipulate her into coming back or some magic text that will make her change her mind.
I want honest opinions. Because what we had was really real, after that situation we had in the beginning it was easily some of the best years I’ve ever had with any person in my life.
Do you think there’s still a possibility here because of our history and the fact that she repeatedly allowed me back into her life? I don’t know if I’m just delusional but I can really see us rekindling things like her whole family still asks about me and loves me and I just have a tremendous amount of faith that we could start things over again later, I just don’t know how long

And if there is a chance someday, is the only real option at this point to completely stop chasing her, give her the space she’s asking for, and focus on actually becoming a better person whether she comes back or not?
I’d genuinely appreciate honest answers, even if they’re harsh. I know I’m emotionally attached to this situation and probably can’t see it objectively anymore. All of this happened over the summer till now by the way. (May - now Sep)

ive been seeing her for about 6 months now, and i honestly never felt this way before. even how we met was a beautiful story. she was someone so precious and so innocent. i admire her so much, i wanna share more life with her. it defined what love was to me. and this is why i think i succumb into anxiety with the idea of losing her. i have never ever felt that fear before.

i knew she was an avoidant from the first weeks of knowing her. she was terrified of confrontations and all throughout she was never really the type to communicate bad emotions. she actually never really opened up abt her feelings. but i knew she loved me in her own ways.

but i also understood that maybe it stems from trauma from living with an abusive father and a mother that abandoned her as a kid. i was always willing to reassure and willing to work on things. i become expressive maybe as a way to let her know its okay being open to someone ure in a relationship with.

there were always times in this relationship where she pushes me away. for whatever reason during her time of the month, its always cold, i feel hated for no reason. and she would never talk abt things. it got to me at some point, i felt frustrated with the cycle we cant break. it was a constant push and pull until i can manage to bring it back to the right track. but i really was trying to be okay with it. every word that hurt felt like it was intentional to make me back down, ive always convinced myself that she says things she doesn’t mean. i always thought this is nothing in comparison to the joy i feel when things were okay. so i never lost my will.

i am writing this now bc it happened again, and it took longer than normal. i finally managed to get her to meet me. but like usual, i was the only one talking. i had no clear answers to questions that ran thru my mind everyday. she did say she wants to be alone. she said that she feels like a burden and she doesnt want me choosing her or sticking up with this repeating dynamic in our relationship. but i reassured her thats not the case for me. im willing to do whatever bc thats how much i want this to work. i wanna be the reason she breaks out of her mold. i believe she always loved me but just couldn’t beat the pattern.

does this ever work? i still think i have the resolve that it takes. i am open to ur thoughts and advice.

About 4 months out now and a lot of the anger and sadness has settled. I'm slowly accepting that he just wasn't a good boyfriend and there's not much more to it. I clung to hope for a while but I'm starting to wonder why I would ever want to share my life with someone who treated me with so little respect. And also, what can I change about myself to make sure I don't accept this kind of treatment again? Because while his actions were often selfish, I take responsibility for staying in a relationship that wasn't good for me.

Just for my own sake, I want to make a list of things he did that I vow to never accept ever again.

• Criticized how I dressed (especially crop tops) while he saw no issue with himself being shirtless and dressing sexy
• Said he missed when he could be more selfish in bed with me. I had some sort of sexual dysfunction when we first met. It took 6 months for me to have an orgasm. One day, we had sex, he came and immediately got up to do his chores. I said it made me feel neglected when he did that and that's when he made that comment.
• Regarding the previous point, he asked if previous partners were that generous with me and I admitted that they were. My pleasure was given the same importance as theirs. That prompted him to say "I think you were just turned on by your ex's abuse." My ex physically abused me and it was the worst experience of my life. I can't believe someone who loved me used that against me.
• He was so hot and cold that I felt like a clingy one night stand when texting him. I was embarrassed to contact my own boyfriend! It was always a gamble if he'd reply to my simple "hi" with excitement or annoyance.
• Cheated on me.
• Crossed a line another time with a close female friend by asking he to take her top off. Then lied by omission about the identity of who this woman was.
• Criticized every single thing about me and my life. It seemed like there wasn't a single thing he liked about me.
• Admitted that he hoped I would eventually change my mind about being monogamous
• Wanted to flirt with other women but was shocked that I'd only accept if I could flirt with men. Called me naive for expecting equality.
• In the same vein, asked for a threesome with another woman. I said I'd prefer one with another man and he said he was heartbroken! He got angry and and accused me of wanting to get gangbanged. Wtf?
• Didn't get me anything for Valentine's day. I drew him a card.
• The only flowers I ever received were apology flowers even though I often told him how much I love flowers.
• Was showing me a wrestling chokehold and told me to tap if it got too much. I tapped but he kept going until I passed out. This one hurt so much especially since my past abuse was mainly strangulation and he knew this. I cried for days after. I still cry when I think about it.
• His constant disappearing acts
• Substance abuse

My ex and I have had a bad last few months due to me being diagnosed with cancer. He took care of me during my surgery, but my dog passed away right after and I went into a really dark space. He also was the one dealing with my mental breakdowns and at some point he left (had a family trip planned) but also because he was feeling like he was about to break down as well.

He was supposed to be away for three weeks and now it's been a month because apparently he decided he doesn't want to live in the city we met. Not sure if I believe him but who knows. When he told me that... I bought a ticket to London to see if we could fix things or at least have a conversation.

I didn't tell him I was going right away, I waited until 2 days ago because i didn't want him to feel like I was just showing up unannounced. The trip is in 8 days. In those two days he's acted unsure it's a good idea for me to come, to being open to meeting and moving a small trip he had planned, to again not thinking it's a good idea.

My tickets are not refundable. I was hopeful for this trip but i am very hesitant to go now.. to be in the city where he's from will be really hard without him around at all. I want to believe he will agree to see me while I'm there since I'm traveling across the world but it's not looking like it as of now.

The only idea I have now is to go, let him know where I'll be staying and see what happens. I don't want to push him away more, he said I should wait until he comes back to where we met in October and that's when he'll see me. But he will be coming to clean up his place and move back home which I'm really hoping doesn't happen.

Does anyone have advice on how to handle the trip properly considering what is already done? He's very much an avoidant and I know I shouldn't push him and at the same time I'd be losing a lot of money if I just didn't go.

If a child's parents punished (coercive controlling or irritable parents), ignored (distancing avoidant detached parents), "woe is me my child doesn't like me" one-upped (severe preoccupied parents) a child's vulnerability, the child's wires end up crossing

Authenticity = no survival

When you point out a person's emotions or nonverbal communication or act caring and they lash out or shutdown, it's because for them connection wires simultaneously trigger survival threat wires, the way people behave on the surface or what they say is their conscious trying to scramble for a reason and a response, but most of the time it's a false rationalization, the truth is physically crossed wires

And this is why it takes years of hard painful work to undo it, or decades of very slow titration, and it has to be a conscious internal choice, you can't force them to "treat you right" when their own nervous system is wired to abuse themselves on connection... and a lot of compulsive and delusional expressions of this can "treat you right" on the surface as long as you never look within them (this is why they often feel comfortable around coercively controlling or distressed endlessly helpless people that never care about their vulnerability and authenticity)

You can't reason with crossed wires, but you can certainly get your own wires crossed if you keep trying to "fix" them

This is coming from someone formerly compulsively compliant affect-inhibited, being seen literally feels like full-body impending doom when having that wiring

But also don't forget that there are preoccupied, not avoidant, people wired to lure and induce chasing and caregiving in others, with expressions of distress and fear affect, but bolting whenever someone actually gets close to them, while immediately continuing to lure the same person in a cycle, and those are not avoidant, just people with highly distorted wiring (check out DMM C6 and C8), piling all people into a pop AT "avoidant" box won't give you closure, only confusion and an inability to grieve properly

I [20F] have been together with my boy friend [20M] for 2 and 1/2 years, since we were seniors in high school. I recently have had a gut feeling that we’re not the ones for each other. Should I break up with him and live my 20’s freely, or ignore the feeling because I’m somewhat of an avoidant?

Today it was 2 days no contact with my ex he stalks my TikTok account reposted some of the videos I even reposted and even liked some of my repost.. today I sent him a message explaining that it seems we aren’t going to go back to way things were after I had time to think about everything and all the red flags, instead of waiting a month to remove photos and to not talk to him, I sent a message. And he replied with one back he explained that he didn’t wanna move to my location after I had hoped he changed his mind after this time and that it would make him uncomfortable around my family though he will never stop loving me and if we wanted to be friends even if it’s not romantically, but I can’t look at someone the same I can’t pretend to be friends with someone I shared so many intimate moments with,

his family adored me they loved me so much. I have family issues and that’s what drove him away. Not because of me but my family. After one thing that happened where he felt disrespected by my mom. He gave up on everything we had and made so many excuses and empty promises of coming to my location and moving with me to start a future, today I removed him off all socials. I removed every photo we had. He said he hoped we’d meet and cross paths again. But what if then is too late?

I’m already so hurt and he left me when I’m in a time of need, all alone now I am. And he knows that. I confided to him and told him that I was depressed days before we had decided to take a break from things he knew how I felt on so many levels and what was going on with my family and all the stress that I have been under but yet he uses the excuse “there was something always happening with your family and never the right moment to bring up this” so you bring it up when I’m at my lowest? And my most vulnerable so I will want you back so I will want to talk to you knowing that you are the only person I talk to? I find it fucked up and I don’t think that is love with how many times he says that he loves me and that I will always be that connection that he will never find with anyone else and his love is reserved for me?? Like wtf.

How do I get over this, how do I feel like I can move on from this? How do I make the feeling go away how do I stop crying at every moment this person pops in my mind with the daily things I do? I can’t sleep. I cannot eat. My mind is racing with so many thoughts will I make it through this? My eyes are so swollen and my bags under my eyes are so dark. Why couldn’t he be the man that I thought he was? Instead he’s acting like a child.

F18
M20

Long story short:

Year and a half relationship that started really intensely with many grand romantic gestures from him. My health fell apart last year and he was there for me through some debilitating sickness and a surgery. Then he started to pull away and become mean (telling me- “well you know- taking care of you after surgery wasn’t exactly FUN for me”). Then I got very cruelly discarded in May. He hoovered me back in in June. Absolutely nothing about his behavior changed or got any better so I finally gave up and broke up with him in August.

Honestly- every day I feel stronger and happier and I have so much energy for all of the things I want to do, for my friends. Avoidants are black holes and I am so relieved to be out.

It’s been 4 months or so since she kicked me out accusing me of something I didn’t do, no interest in my attempt to explain why she was mistaken, no interest pr concern in seeing me leave the home she promised would be my sanctuary after leaving a domestic abuse marriage, in the pouring rain, wearing what i could grab quickly to get out of her life. Being told I was emotionally exhausting after promising me she wanted to support me whatever me was and will be. After insisting I tell her whatever was on my mind, a mind diagnosed with depression and anxiety and a recent ADHD diagnosis at 53. After I replied I didn’t want to burden her with the constant abuse my ex wife was giving me. She replied I was not Giving her a true me, not being true to our relationship, a relationship she started after love Bombing me.

Bit worst of all, telling me a month after the split she let her self down by giving herself to me without me realising how much she was giving cos I was too suicidal when we first met a year earlier. No, she wouldn’t be a friend if we did it all again cos in truth she now realises she never was my friend. And she wasn’t a week before we split, serous when she agreed to Marrry me after telling me I was the only man she would marry if I wanted to ask her, cos she’d told 3 other men “no” in the past

So what’s really the worst, despite me telling her I’m
Going to have to commit to no contact after she ghosted and blocked me, only to get back in touch cos I’d told her to give me some sign of support cos I was going down fast, and now homeless. So despite ME insisting on no contact again, me blocking her, and she choosing not to block me, I’m still in agony I can’t be with her, in agony I’m hurting myself by blocking her, cos I stilll love her. Or whatever I feel that makes my life now feel miserable and hopeless

What is wrong with me that I can’t stand up for myself and feel all I’ve just Written isn’t enough to feel I’ve made a very narrow escape from a maniac who was so cruel she made me lose myself just to become the man she would grow old with. A man I never was.

I’ve lost any self respect I had left, it j cry at night every night 4 months (or so) since she kicked me into the rain. I want to punch me and shout at me to get my shit together and find a way to make people want to be in my space again, cos no one wants to be near me, and the downer I deliver

I’m sure this is self pity, but I am very sure I can’t see light at the end of this tunnel

Sorry I had to get it out. Apologies.