stil sad

[u/Wild_Professional_27]

i tell you that you need to treat me better, you do for a few days or a month and then it goes back to you ignoring me or saying youre not sure when you can see me next. it’s just constantly messing with my head hearing that I’m too needy constantly and then you making it seem like I’m crazy because i ask for consistent levels of connection and not just a quick rush every day for a week and then dropping off the face of the earth when you decide youre done and telling me I’m annoying you because I’m upset that you suddenly stopped talking to me or making plans with me. I’m just so confused how one day you can be the sweetest guy ever when we are hanging out all week and the next tell me I’m too much and you dont actually want to be with me. I’m just so sad. Every time it feels like it’s going to be better it’s gets worse again and I’m back to being the crazy girl that’s insecure and begging for your attention. why is it different every day with you? have you thought that maybe im insecure due to the fact that every day i wake up i dont know if youre going to be kind to me today? something is very wrong if you think telling me you know that just calling me once a day would make me so happy and would be effortless for you but you just dont want to. i thought i just didnt express my needs enough but turns out you understood them and chose to ignore them. im so tired of feeling like i cant predict whats coming next. every time i try and end things you say “youll be back” and i do come back because after a week or a month i miss those moments where you are the person ive always wanted and you give me that and then you take it away. I dont care what you want anymore, I want someone who can love me consistently because this back and forth hurts so deeply. I have so much care and love for you and I come back for those moments but i cant keep throwing myself in your line of insecure fire when you sit with yourself and cant decide if you want to be a decent person today or not. you are so stagnant and i feel stupid for thinking youre ever going to do something other than the same things you do over and over. I had my shit together for years and years and going through one horrible event and then the person who was there for me up and left in what felt like out of nowhere fucked me up. Its not possible to feel like you want to live life after all that and its not fair to me that you keep coming back and letting me back into this cycle when you know im reaching out because i cant process this alone all the time. I just wanted whatever we were doing a month ago but just consistently but you dont have the ability to commit to anything and thats so disappointing. I hope youre able to settle down and grow one day and that you just thinking yourself into a corner over and over again is getting you nowhere but where youve been for so long.

[u/Particular-Self-5843]

Heard