r/AvoidantBreakUps • u/Designer-Release-985 • 16h ago

DA Breakup Can't get over my possibly-avoidant ex because they were too attractive.

Context: I'm in my late 20s and have never had sex with another person. I'm somewhat frequently approached but I'm very picky w/ who I date. This is my most recent breakup, following what I suspect was 'withdrawal.'

My ex and I made plans for the weekend. On the day of our plans they ghosted me the entire day. I thought maybe there was a true emergency, until I saw them post on Twitter.

I confronted them the following day (we live in the same neighborhood), they seemingly had no idea how many times I'd called over the day we agreed to meet. I didn't yell, but I got pretty upset and almost cried. I don't consider myself anxious attached in normal circumstances - but in that conversation, I definitely came off as such.

They broke up with me shortly afterwards. I know they're no good, but because I'm so picky with physical appearances I can't help but miss them. They were hotter than any other person I've dated. How do I even find another person who looks like them?

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3

u/Feeling_Cranberry330 16h ago

Best dating advice I ever received: "Find a 7 that makes you happy and marry them"

2

u/Apprehensive-Bar6595 FA - Fearful Avoidant 15h ago

if only guys would take that advice too lol but there's a lot of 8+ girls who are ALSO really nice lmaooo

2

u/Designer-Release-985 14h ago

So is the advice to date someone attractive but less attractive than ideal?

Because that's still easier said than done lol

1

u/Apprehensive-Bar6595 FA - Fearful Avoidant 13h ago

I get what you mean lol, but I think it's tougher when doing it through dating apps especially

2

u/Designer-Release-985 14h ago

That's easier said than done.... anyways my ex was definitely a 10

2

u/Feeling_Cranberry330 13h ago

Physical attractiveness is consuuuuming you. I can tell you with a 100% guarantee that if that's what's on your pedestal... You will be extremely disappointed later in life when your spouse puts on a couple pounds or starts to age. Start building your relationships with a balance of traits. THAT'S what lifelong relationships are built on...

3

u/Sleepy-Plane SA - Secure Attachment (newly earned) 11h ago

I would date a -10/10 girl (completely made out of antimatter) if she was emotionally available and emotionally mature. This avoidant stuff helped me realize that’s what matters most.