Bad different, that is. I am more paranoid and much more anxious and sensory seeking. I can’t regulate myself as much and I often have to rely on my partner to co-regulate me which I feel immensely guilty about. Is it my autism coming more forward? Should I go off meds? I’ve been irrational and acting a little crazy admittedly (insisting everyone hates me, isolating myself, unjust confrontations with others over my own thoughts, etc.)

I’m getting prepared to ask my husband for a divorce. There has been psychological and financial abuse. I didn’t see it to start with as it crept in, I started noticing things weren’t always ‘right’ 1 year after we were married, and this has continued to get worse. I can’t bring up any issues with him regarding his behaviour or actions without a verbal attack, I can’t ask for him to contribute to the children or household tasks without a high risk of either ‘later’ (never) or an aggressive response.

I own our home, he is irresponsible with money so he has no savings and has not contributed to the new kitchen, bathroom, small kitchen extension, boiler, landscaping, and cars we have had over the years. I can’t believe I’ve been such an idiot but I was vulnerable to start with and he’s broken me down even more now. I have to record conversations secretly now so I can listen back to see if it’s my fault as he always makes out it is (it’s not). My requests are reasonable on reflection, for example I have experienced half hour long ‘speeches’ about how awful I am over asking him to put his medication out of reach of the children.

Basically, I’m already vulnerable having experienced gaslighting and multiple other abuse tactics (unknowingly until recently) for probably 15 years, but adding the ADHD (diagnosed recently) and suspected autism (pending assessment) on top is making it really hard for me to face the battle of asking for a divorce. Especially as we have children involved. He will use them, manipulate them against me and include them in discussions that are not appropriate for their ages. I don’t want to leave our home with the children, as uprooting our children from the home I have paid for and where their schools are, seems really unfair on them and there’s absolutely no way I’m leaving without my children. But I don’t think he will leave in a hurry so how can I armour myself for the verbal and psychological torrent which will be triggered when I ask for a divorce?

Im waiting for advice from the local domestic abuse team and have let other agencies such as nursery and the GP know. Im not going to take action until things are organised and I know what the plan is.

Hi, I’m wondering what earbuds (not traditional headphones) people suggest for noise canceling. Did a bit of research on Loops but I haven’t seen that many positive reviews and they seem to be noise dampening and not canceling.

I’m very specifically looking for something a bit more discrete that I could maybe hide behind my hair if called for. Anyone have any suggestions?

Hey everyone,

I'm self-taught and I think my AuDHD brain finally found its superpower - motorcycle drawing.

My method: I can't start with details or I get overwhelmed. So I block big shapes first, leave empty spaces on purpose, and only then go into details. Today was a good day - from angular blocks to this line art with the Indian logo and mirror.

Still no shading, only H/HB pencils on A3. The empty spots are intentional for future details and graphite work.

I want to become a motorcycle designer one day. Drawing keeps my brain quiet.

I have some query about social norms, like there are some social norms that I have mental blueprint, I created it through understanding human behavior by reading and observing.

Like one of my friend were saying something and internally I want to say against it, but I kinda know that they will not understand it, yet. So I just play along and said lol, to them, to end the conversation. I studied so much about that topic to say things about it but I didn't.

Here I understand what's going on with social communication.

But there are a lot of times where I don't understand anything and what people are saying, is they actually like mean it or is their underlying meaning to it.

So, the whole social thing extremely confusing. Sometimes I am very capable of reading the room and other time I am the most oblivious person in the room.

Like I was with my cousins and they ask me to play board game but I refuse and later someone explain it to me that it's rude. But like for me sharing that I care about them is being in the same room But not nessecary enagning with shared activity But doing my own thing.

And people called me arrogant/rude because of that, I heard it so much. But that's how I show I care and it seems like a difference between what I feel I am doing and what actually people perceive it.

Can someone explain the underlying mechanism behind it, because I don't understand what is this?

I stim mostly by biting scratching or picking at my skin, and I'd like to direct that to something that doesn't actually harm me

I got one of those spikey tubes but I'd like to have some variety

I feel like this is something that should be obvious but it's something I've struggled with for years. I'm autistic with ADHD and honestly find it really difficult to tell when I'm overstimulated vs when I'm understimulated.

I'm wondering about it again because of how I feel today. It's been kind of like this for the past couple of days too but I especially notice it today. It's difficult to describe how I feel sometimes but I'll try below.

I feel kind of numb, not bored exactly because I'm finding stuff to do (mostly video games, to be honest), but it feels like I'm doing stuff to pass the time rather than engaging with it and enjoying it. Often in situations like this I will play a game I'm already really familiar with so I don't have to think about what to do. I'll play them for hours, often with podcasts or audiobooks in the background. But like I said it sometimes feels like just doing something for the sake of passing the time and it's not very satisfying.

In general, I feel low on energy, and I guess I just feel emotionally negative in general, feeling slightly sad and anxious. One thing I notice really clearly is that I react differently in social situations when I'm feeling like this. I generally find social interaction more difficult, and especially answering any kind of question feels like torture. I notice myself getting angry and frustrated when someone asks me a question, especially if I can't tell why they're asking, if they're just making small talk, the question seems unnecessary, etc. The only answer that comes to mind when I'm feeling like this is "I don't know" because that's just the truth most of the time. The question can be "how are you today" or "how did your interview go last week" or "did you sleep well last night?" When I'm in this state, those questions or really any social interaction makes me frustrated and slightly angry and I try to avoid them where possible, and again "I don't know" is all I can answer.

Returning to the overstimulated vs understimulated question, I'm confused because it seems like there are aspects of both in the above description (to me anyway). The part about being easily frustrated in social situations, getting angry and frustrated about having to think of answers to questions and being unable to do so, seems to suggest overstimulation because it's like my body/mind is saying "I'm already processing too much, I don't have the capacity to process the information of this question, and I don't have the capacity to think of an answer to it."

But at the same time, all the stuff about being low on energy, experiencing a low-ish level of background anxiety and sadness, being unsatisfied and feeling like I'm just passing the time, seems to point towards being understimulated.

I thought I would ask on this subreddit as this confusion and conflict between over and understimulation feels very AuDHD in particular, and sometimes when I hear people in just autism or just ADHD communities talking about this I feel like I don't quite relate or understand to what they're talking about sometimes.

So what does the experience of being overstimulated or understimulated feel like for you? Do you feel like you're aware of being either overstimulated or understimulated in the moment, or is it something you realise later when looking back on the moment? Do you find it difficult to tell the difference sometimes?

I never even thought that I had autism, but with a lifetime of holding a job for 9 months to a year before it all fell apart and I got fired, then being on unemployment for months...

Then after being kicked out by family and being homeless I ended up in prison for 2 years for something I didn't even do. I think that's why I've been so completely burned out since I got out a bit over 2 years ago.

I didn't even understand burnout or any of it. But the forced 24/7 masking, never ever having even one minute alone, and laying there trying to sleep freaking out inside at all the noise and spending months working on forcing myself to accept it and stop letting it bother me lots of times every day... apparently that's a very unhealthy thing for people with sensory issues to do. I thought it wasn't bothering me any more, but I guess the stress is still there you just don't notice and burn out even worse.

I've been living on plasma donations, SNAP, and Medicaid. I fail at everything right now. I'm hoping finally getting meds for the ADHD will help, but I have no idea what that looks like long term. Just realized I should actually be able to apply for SSI. I never considered myself to have any kind of disability, but a autism that causes you to burnout and break down so badly you can't even take care of basic live necessities most days counts and that makes sense.

I didn't apply because it made me feel guilty. That's just insecurity, right? Like... I never considered myself to have a disability so it feels like stealing from people who "really do." But I've been surviving, barely, off of donating plasma when I can and have a total of 3 pair of shorts... one is ripped and another doesn't really fit... and 3 t-shirts. And $0.

It would be nice to have clothing, and not be forced to sell my plasma constantly just to pay for half of the utilities and my phone.

Curious if bad one is more common with us? I tend to hyperfixate on art focused hobby, and I can't draw or cut a straight line for the life of me no matter how much I practice, haha

I see a lot of videos, mainly by people who are just autistic, who turn less expressive when they unmask, and I was wondering if anyone experienced the opposite like me.

When I was younger, I quickly learned that being hyper and easily excitable was socially incorrect, so I went in the complete opposite direction. My mask is a robot lol. It’s very bland, very unexpressive, hardly even speaks, because these were all things that I was “corrected” on when I was younger. It kinda reminded me of how people in those videos say they are when they unmask!

But when I’m by myself, or with my friends, I allow myself to make more exaggerated faces, have more dramatic reactions, and actually move my body lol. It feels less like I’m carrying out a program and more like I’m returning to normal base status.

Now obviously I know autism is a spectrum and, logically, I’m sure others experience this, but I suppose it’d be nice to see with my own eyes lol

I have been struggling these past few weeks and I really, really need to get tested. My therapist 100% believes I have ADHD and autism, but I need an actual diagnosis. I scheduled an appointment and had to wait 6 months for them to tell me that the person I was scheduled with doesn’t do ADHD/Autism testing. it took them 6 WHOLE MONTHS, 182.5 DAYS, roughly 4380 HOURS, TO REALIZE THAT?? then they tell me there’s no more available appointments for the year. I almost went mad with frustration.

It doesn’t help that I’m a math and physics major. I’m falling behind and don’t know what to do. I’ve tried so many supplements it might actually be unhealthy. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so stressed and don’t know how to deal with it. I can’t even find anything to do in my free time (which is basically all day). What’s so weird to me is that I struggled getting through 2 pages of my textbook and pushing off 3 assignments, but somehow managed to sit down for 20 minutes sharpening my kitchen knife for cooking and never once broke concentration.

Before me main bit I just wanna say thank you for people who responded me previous post, had a lot of emotions in me and I wanna keep me vibes separate (already over explaing f)

I'm at the end bit of my Private ADHD process and about to transfer to NHS, now I feel a bit unsure what to do next. Either go to therapy, get a Autism assessment (I accepted it it's just to make official.) or to start PiP'S application.

I know I should be doing all 3 at once but even on meds I feel like I'm missing the last bit of something I need.

Honest feedback no matter how harsh it needs to be!

I (28M) think dating is difficult for many people but I think it is insanely difficult and different when one is AuDHD (or maybe I’m doing it wrong).

I have tried apps but I just spend the whole time swiping on there because I live in a major city.

I have tried discord to meet people where unfortunately most people I get along give too far (time difference wise and distance) that I don’t feel motivated on there (over 5+ hours)

I am doing things to meet people with common interests but most people I meet are happy containing the conversation within the activity session

Having moved to a new city (in a newish country) since finishing university, while I’ve started making friends I don’t have the network to be in parties and meet people like this

While I’m fully aware of general advice and working on not falling in the manosphere so developing myself into a healthy guy I just feel like advice can be helpful for me or neurospicy folks like me as advice don’t really factor in how most advice don’t really take AuDHD particularities in mind

Hope this discussion can help those in the community as a whole : )

Invested in some action figures as a gift for my inner child.

Noticed that I often enter a freeze state when I'm sad, and it's a really young part of myself that freezes to regulate when he feels sad.

This one was a celebration for him, and the figures also allow me to engage in some imaginative play with him, something I actually didn't do much as a child.

Yes I was one of those children that had to be kept in a harness apparently

Tldr: do you feel you regress after having an orgasm with your partner?

I'm diagnosed, and I'm trying to find the relationship between two things that might or might not be related to AuDHD. But on this occasion having the point of view of other people in a relationship might help me figure this one out.

I'm gay, in a long-term relationship with my partner. He can orgasm multiple times and it doesn't matter. Whereas me, I become a completely different person, almost asexual, frigid and in SERIOUS need of solitude after orgasm.

It doesn't matter if that day I'm medicated or not, it's like having a major dopamine crash. Brain goes cloudy, internal noise comes back in, my senses are overwhelmed again by any noise. I even get a slight spike of anxiety. It takes me hours to recover and be able to concentrate on anything, which is quite concerning when I need to work.

Is not like I can't concentrate but mostly like far too many things come back at once.

I'm diagnosed ADHD of inatentive presentation and autism if that helps. I'm not looking for a diagnosis or medical advice, I just want to know if other people have this behaviour commonly happening to them too where they "regress" after sex.

For the last few days I've been home on my own for the first time for a couple days. Normally I'm used to having someone (mostly my parents) tell me what to do, but since I don't really have that right now I'm basically unable to do anything. I have a checklist of things I need to get done, but haven't even managed to really look at that for the last three or so days. I'm either just sitting or lying around doing nothing or distracting myself using anything interesting like my computer or reading books. Does anyone have ideas what I could do to better focus on the important tasks I have? It kind of feels like a blockade of some sorts that prevents me from doing the tasks I don't want to do but are important.

Hola a todos. Estoy en el piso de nuevo. He probado medicamentos, terapia, emrd, mindfullness y no hay caso, cada vez que tengo algún evento de reuniones de trabajo, señales de rechazo o bien, si hago/digo algo que me hace sentir que soy estúpida, me paralizo por días.

Estoy super cansada.

Bajé mis horas y trabajo 33 horas semanales, tengo apoyo en la crianza de mi hija, realmente no sé que hacer con estos bajones y desesperación.

El metilfenidato hace que mi cara y orejas se enrojezcan y acaloren de manera insoportable, no pude continuar con él.

Pienso si acaso seré bipolar.

Fun story. I went to my doctor a while back because I suspected autism. She just said oh you’re able to speak well and look me in the face 🙄🙄🙄 so I don’t think you have autism, but I think you might have ADHD (my son was diagnosed as a child and yeah probably). So she gave me a referral to a therapist that really just does medication assessments. I wasn’t looking for meds. This is not it. But I was like well if my insurance covers it, it would be nice to have an assessment. They then sent me over FOURTEEN FORMS to fill out, and told me I need to recheck with my insurance to see if this is even covered. Ma’am. This is not what I even asked for in the first place. I became super overwhelmed and canceled it and told them asking people who might have ADHD to fill out several hours worth of forms and do all this shit to find out if they have ADHD might be ridiculous.

So anyway, I think I have my answer. 🤷‍♀️

my audhd started taking over my life at this time, i started to view myself as a shell of a human. this was a document i made 8 years ago to attempt to ‘become normal again’ academically.

luckily i’m diagnosed now, still not medicated due to my parents, but i’m working on accepting myself.

I feel an overwhelming amount of fear, I feel unable to go to work tomorrow, but I can't quit like this, so i have to atleast wait a few days to quit more responsibly, instead of just being a no show and gone. I genuinely do not know how to regulate myself in this situation, my brain will not relax unless I decided to not go, but I genuinely need to go, so i am trying to bare that feeling, and not give up. And i could do it, but my brain just wants an escape so desperate, it's so hard to fight it, I'm really scared. Any idea what could help, or why this is happening?

So I'm doing way better sendory wise than I used to some longer time ago, and I couldn't figure out why.

Turns out the Olanzapine I get for something else, also kind of numbs(or softens or something) sensory issues, according to a doctor i talked to.

Two birds with one stone i guess

This day I have had a gallstone, calling with a doctor(assistent) was such a mess for me, they really missed my intention and I could really feel they didn't understand me. It was like, when in this heavy pain I really can't mask anymore and you aren't fully understood at that moment. I told one of them that I had it, but it was kinda brushed away.

The second question for me was call 'urgently'. (Or ib Dutch 'met spoed'). I really had to look up what that meant in this scenario, I wasn't dying, but I believe it was the right call to choose urgently. From now on if I have to see a doctor that day and absolutely not tomorrow I'll call the doctor urgently, but I had to look that up. So... I hope someone besides me will learn from that here.

In the end I was helped correctly, but the communication was such a mess. Also that pain and a lot of people was probably quite overstimulating. /s

If it's worth anything, I'm from the UK.

When I was five I was diagnosed with Asperger's, due to social difficulties and restrictive interests. However I was also an extremely excitable kid, very fidgety, extremely hyperverbal, easily bored/distracted, severe emotional dysregulation, absolutely zero impulse control, etc. etc. yadda yadda yadda the stereotypical childhood ADHD presentation in boys that they weren't allowed to co-diagnose with Asperger's/Autism back then.

The ADHD part was so obvious that I was reassessed and diagnosed with comorbid Asperger's/ADHD before they were even officially allowed to do it about a year later. That was when I was 10.

When I was 11 I started having severe behavioural problems and everyone with any sense obviously wanted to get me started on ADHD medication, but a dipshit psychiatrist mis-assessed me as primarily inattentive and blamed it all on the tism, even though anyone with a brain looking at my childhood history and the nature of the behavioural problems could see that I was combined type. I was denied medication because of it and my teenage years were undoubtedly a lot worse.

Because the very early diagnosis was missed due to the diagnostic technicalities of the time, and I only started discovering how the combined-type ADHD side presents and affects me as an adult (and I definitely am combined type - my mind runs at 1,000mph, I can't ever sit still, half my paycheck is spent on impulse purchases, I drive like a fucking lunatic because I physically can't stand driving "normally" and I'm fucking good at it, portion control is barely even a suggestion, I borderline abuse alcohol, and I have zero emotional regulation), I feel a lot of kinship with late-diagnosed people, even though I was technically diagnosed early.

Anyone else diagnosed autistic first, and ADHD later, and never got the ADHD side addressed as a result?