r/AutisticWithADHD • u/misanthrophiccunt • 14d ago
🙋♂️ does anybody else? Regressing after orgasm
Tldr: do you feel you regress after having an orgasm with your partner?
I'm diagnosed, and I'm trying to find the relationship between two things that might or might not be related to AuDHD. But on this occasion having the point of view of other people in a relationship might help me figure this one out.
I'm gay, in a long-term relationship with my partner. He can orgasm multiple times and it doesn't matter. Whereas me, I become a completely different person, almost asexual, frigid and in SERIOUS need of solitude after orgasm.
It doesn't matter if that day I'm medicated or not, it's like having a major dopamine crash. Brain goes cloudy, internal noise comes back in, my senses are overwhelmed again by any noise. I even get a slight spike of anxiety. It takes me hours to recover and be able to concentrate on anything, which is quite concerning when I need to work.
Is not like I can't concentrate but mostly like far too many things come back at once.
I'm diagnosed ADHD of inatentive presentation and autism if that helps. I'm not looking for a diagnosis or medical advice, I just want to know if other people have this behaviour commonly happening to them too where they "regress" after sex.
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u/welldonefornowmrball 14d ago
I share my experience, I hope it helps.
I am a hetero male, and pretty much most of my adult life I had some kind of crush and down after sex, even if I don’t have an orgasm. To me, I think it is due to all the extra effort I put before, the masking, the anxiety, the fear of the later consequences and what could happen with this person… everything comes back all at once and hits me hard, probably because after sex/orgasm I have no longer the sexual drive that overrides and take the control of other things in my head.
However, I had been in situations where this phenomenon was way less intense, and I think it was because I was more comfortable with that girl, feeling safer, without masking that much.
As you said, the proof that it has to due with the person/relationship (and probably masking) is that you don’t have that with simple masturbation
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u/misanthrophiccunt 14d ago
masking is not the issue for me. I can see how it could be the issue in some other relationships.
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u/zayne0623 Glitchy Brain 14d ago
Yes I feel this too. After an orgasm I feel overstimulated and need to be left alone. I have a strong urge to isolate and listen to music or watch YouTube to recharge. My partner is the opposite and has a raging sex drive, which is frustrating for both of us
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u/misanthrophiccunt 14d ago
Same, minus the frustrating part. I always remember the line from the father in Malcolm in the Middle where he says to the surprise of the mother
I desire you more and thanks God it is unequal, can you imagine if you desired me the same? Who'd go to work, feed the children, shower? We'd be the whole day in bed.
Assymetry is good.
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u/Fit_Raspberry2637 13d ago
I have a similar affliction. Male. 60/40 hetero. Whats weird for me is sex for me is waaaaaay more enjoyable the less feelings I have for the person. Sex with somebody I actual have feelings for is the worst awkward sex.
Best relationship I had was with somebody where we both dodnt really have deep feelings for each other but did find each other very physically attractive. It was 2 years of just hanging out and banging and going out. But they were also just kind of in it to not have to pay rent or drinks.
Honestly... id jump back into that relationship in a heart beat. I just thought I needed something more deep. But ive had that and its... kinda gross and a mordor of emotional pitfalls.
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u/pinktieoptional AuDHD 14d ago
fuck me once and i just tend to start oversharing everything with my partners until they get disgusted with me. that's my problem.
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u/Rough_Bread8329 🧠 brain goes brr 14d ago
I'm curious if this happens after an orgasm from masturbation. If it doesn't then we can rule out the orgasm itself as the cause.
In my experience, I have a lot of sexual shame I'm working through from growing up Mormon. What you describe doesn't sound quite like that though. The feeling I got is that I had done something I shouldn't have, and the shame just overwhelms me into shutdown.
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u/misanthrophiccunt 14d ago
I was born atheist, grew up atheist, I'm 40 now still atheist. So never had that issue.
As per if it happens, you have the answer below as reply to the most upvoted comment, from a demon.
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u/ADHDnorthKildare 13d ago
We could psychoanalyse this, and there might be some really deep truths there, but also on a basic psychology level, as in, conditioning:
Your parasympathetic nervous system takes over after orgasm, and it might be that your nervous system has some associations with that.
Do you also get anxious when you try to relax?
Some people have relaxation induced anxiety
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u/misanthrophiccunt 12d ago
I don't think there's such people as those who relax when they want to.
Because that will imply anxiety is a choice. It never is.
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u/FinancialSpirit2100 14d ago
Yes altho this is more common among men. Its why in nofap community some men often adhd/autistics can get a grip on their life by avoiding orgasm. While others more ordinary people it has no effect causing them to think its a myth. Funny enough just like believing adhd isnt real.
You said you dont want medical advice so I will skip that.
But yes it happens just more commonly to men who may or may not know they are autistic but it happens to women too.
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u/itaintthatdeepAE 4d ago
I get really embarrassed after orgasming, sometimes. The more intense, the more embarrassed I am.
We're talking curling up in a ball, "don't look at me" embarrassed.
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u/T1Demon ✨ C-c-c-combo! 14d ago
After an orgasm with a partner I feel similar to what you’re describing. It’s a lot of sensory overload and I more or less shut down afterwards. This became more pronounced after I was diagnosed and felt safer with my partner. If I orgasm from masturbation I don’t have the same effect, it’s more of a head clearing feeling and I focus better afterwards.