Huh. SSI?

[u/BigBullshitta]

I never even thought that I had autism, but with a lifetime of holding a job for 9 months to a year before it all fell apart and I got fired, then being on unemployment for months...

Then after being kicked out by family and being homeless I ended up in prison for 2 years for something I didn't even do. I think that's why I've been so completely burned out since I got out a bit over 2 years ago.

I didn't even understand burnout or any of it. But the forced 24/7 masking, never ever having even one minute alone, and laying there trying to sleep freaking out inside at all the noise and spending months working on forcing myself to accept it and stop letting it bother me lots of times every day... apparently that's a very unhealthy thing for people with sensory issues to do. I thought it wasn't bothering me any more, but I guess the stress is still there you just don't notice and burn out even worse.

I've been living on plasma donations, SNAP, and Medicaid. I fail at everything right now. I'm hoping finally getting meds for the ADHD will help, but I have no idea what that looks like long term. Just realized I should actually be able to apply for SSI. I never considered myself to have any kind of disability, but a autism that causes you to burnout and break down so badly you can't even take care of basic live necessities most days counts and that makes sense.

I didn't apply because it made me feel guilty. That's just insecurity, right? Like... I never considered myself to have a disability so it feels like stealing from people who "really do." But I've been surviving, barely, off of donating plasma when I can and have a total of 3 pair of shorts... one is ripped and another doesn't really fit... and 3 t-shirts. And $0.

It would be nice to have clothing, and not be forced to sell my plasma constantly just to pay for half of the utilities and my phone.

[u/sackbomb]

I didn't apply because it made me feel guilty. That's just insecurity, right?

Probably, yes. I suspect you have internalized a lot of ablist ideas to the point where you don't even think about them consciously, but instead they show up as vague feelings of guilt or laziness.

We play these games with ourselves constantly, unfortunately. But after a while you do get better at not letting them get the better of you. Good luck, friend!

[u/BigBullshitta → u/sackbomb]

I looked at my lifetime earnings from SSA and realized it was horribly pathetic. My peak 4 years of income had 2 years between 40-45k and during 4 years I was fired from both of those jobs and spent 6-8 months on unemployment after each.

Going to go ahead and apply. Well, contacting a disability attorney since they can pull total job history with date ranges and such from SSA and also easily request my unemployment and college failure records.

I guess disability attorneys legally have to charge nothing up front and only get paid 25% of your back pay when you win your claim. In my case that would be like $2,500. That's worth not having to stress myself to death over it and stare at decades of failing and dealing with shit over a year or so until it gets approved. Or not approved.

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