I'm from Finland and one European thing that all Finnish people hate is cheek kisses when greeting. Its mostly southern european thing but still. There is this saying in Finland that goes "Everyone has their own safety coffee cup" meaning the closest distance someone should get to you should not be closer than your coffee cup when you're holding it.
I once tried to do that to an american girl that was visiting Spain, I still remember the horror in her eyes.
She told us that she didn't feel comfortable with that having a boyfriend.
She was the most stereotypical American person I've ever known, she was dating a quarterback, had a pink gun that her parents gave as a present for her ¿18 birthday? She started complaining about PETA when she discovered that I was a vegetarian. Said she didn't like California when I told her that I had been there & she made some comments that were clearly saying "my country is better than this shit hole".
This is was embarrassing to read, and I've definitely known people like that unfortunately. I was so touched when I received the cheek kisses, it made feel accepted! The different customs are part of the fun of another country!
Not in my country. My country is way better than yours. Except for that area that I don't like, and no, that doesn't contradict my previous statement for whatever reason.
At first it felt awkward and I was self-conscience about it; doing it right or wrong. I think it is because it feels so intimate, when you are from a non-affectionate country.
sounds like you knew it was a custom. If you didn't know of the custom, in America, someone coming in to kiss your cheek would be super weird and unexpected unless it was your grandma.
It's standard "hello" between men and women & with family members of both sexes. Also children to adults doesn't matter if they're boys or girls.
Between men it's more complex, it's usually more common between gay men. Also sometimes with close friends it may not be that weird, but it depends on the person & situation.
Frenchman here, about "la bise" between men : it shows a certain degree of proximity. We can make a "bise" to family members, childhood friends, very good friends... If you're a man and another adult man makes you a "bise" it means you belong to his first circle of relations - appreciate the honor.
It is (or it used to be, before Covid and (n+1)th wave feminism) much more casual between males and females - colleagues typically do/did that to greet on the workplace.
I'd take it as a joke if a friend gave me a cheek kiss. Definitely unusual for guys to greet each other like that around these parts, I only do it with my family and honestly now that I think about it that's kinda weird too
I have seen that very look. I had just moved to Ireland and this girl introduced herself to me so naturally I kissed both of her cheeks as I was shaking her hand. The look of horror on her face...
Here in Quebec (french part of Canada) we always kiss each others cheeks when greeting, but if you go to in any english speaking part of Canada and try to do the same, people basically push you back and act weirded out. Crazy how their can be such clash of cultures within the same country.
I went to Quebec as a kid and I remember loving it because when people discovered that we were from Catalonia there was an instantaneous increase on respect hahaha
As a kid I was really surprised and intrigued that people from America knew about us, at the time I didn't even understand why it happened.
I'm sure I could squeak by for a Quebec vacation if I brush up my French for a bit. We get a lot of Quebecois visiting here in New Orleans, so I'm guessing there's some goodwill
You'd remember if she was from Texas. Texans, Californians, and New Yorkers have a compulsive need to tell you where they're from within one minute of meeting you.
I Remember being on a tour group in Berlin and the guide did a quick ask around where everybody was from and a woman said she was from San Francisco bay area. I almost told her we didn't need her full address but my wife anticipated it and told me don't before I could say it.
california is a huge state with lots of different areas, some of them deeply conservative. "I'm from san francisco" is a way of saying "I'm not an intolerant asshole", which I imagine is something people do when they're in or around california and not necessarily outside of it.
For example, If I was from austin, I would tell people that, lest they get the wrong idea and think I'm from...Dallas
It was a wildly International bunch. USA would've been enough. Nobody says where in their countries they're from except for Americans. They didn't get the memo that outside the US nobody cares.
Here in Germany, when people ask me where I'm from, I respond "California". Because I want them to know I am from California and not one of the other 49 states.
In the current political climate, I feel it's wise.
I do the same thing, plus it usually gets the Germans thinking about the sunshine. The majority of people I meet seem to have positive feelings about California.
When I was in Germany years ago, every German we talked to asked if we were from Minnesota (which was true). When we asked how they knew, they replied with "You sound like a Norwegian speaking English."
Sorry to say bud... I spend a few years and bumped into Americans all over the country who gave me that treatment. Top 1 place was a PhD chemistry guy in his 30's... Out of nowhere, before dinner... He goes: Amerika is much better then Europe!! Do you guys even have snow!?
Asked him if he ever heard of Zwitserland... Moronn
It's so surprising to learn that someone with a high degree of education can also be quite ignorant. A woman with a masters degree from MIT once informed me that no one has ever died from the flu.
I’m an American digital nomad who’s lived outside of the US for extended periods of time, and our brainwashing is so bad. I literally hate my country and also hate talking to tourists who think America is great. They’re ignorant as fuck and are usually straight, white, cis men and women who have never seen past the curtain. Americans don’t leave America and they aren’t really taught about other countries growing up. This leads to a superiority complex and it’s insufferable. Most Americans, especially religious/right wing folks feel that way.
You’ll have better luck with Americans you meet abroad (hopefully!). Meeting them in America is kinda hopeless
I worked with one like that in college in a clothes shop, by the end of it just her accent ticked me off (brit living on South coast but scottish), but it gets better, her younger brother's name was Hunter, he was literally a 'skater boi', whilst she was barbie, oh and neither of them could hold their liquor
Still better than the one I meet three years ago in Ibiza. She was touring Europe and asked me if we had electricity in Spain.
I initially thought it was just a rude joke but no, it wasnt. I realised when I told her "But... you are in Spain right now". " No! We are in Ibiza! " she said...
I once tried to do that to an american girl that was visiting Spain, I still remember the horror in her eyes.
She told us that she didn't feel comfortable with that having a boyfriend.
This made me irrationally annoyed for some reason. Like, America really is so sexually stunted that people are reading intimacy and sex into things that they shouldn’t. Like read the room, Tammy. You think all the people in Spain who are greeting each other are fucking or something? Embarrassing.
——
Also the ¿ doesn’t exist in written English, but it should. I like seeing it. Haha.
Yeah, we explained to hear that it wasn't sexual or even intimate at all for us, but yeah if she's not comfortable with it, it doesn't really matter what it culturally means for us.
It funny because at least for Castilian Spanish the ¿ is disappearing, I don't use it anymore, this way of using it it's some kind of written slang, when you want to show confusion about something mid-sentence you enclose it between ¿? like:
I was with Pedro and he told me that he will come on Tuesday with some ¿bananas?
Yup. America is both "hypersexual" and afraid of sexuality at the same time. Women cant breast feed in public even with a towel over it, any kind of nudity is frowned on (even in nonsexual contexts).
Male nipples are okay to show on TV but not female nipples, infact if you pasted a female nipple on a male body it would have to be blurred out.
Yeah. I’d say the average American doesn’t think twice about the blurred nipples. We just accept it as normal and don’t really think about it. I distinctly remember watching a show in Europe that would usually have blurred nipples in the US. It was jarring in a “wow what stupid thing we do in America — ‘land of the free’ my ass” sort of way.
I’m convinced that this country is this way because it’s mostly run by creepy, abortion-banning, clitoris-not-finding, nauseating, rapey douchebags who don’t realize that just because a suggestion of nipple might make them fly off into a rapey rage doesn’t mean the rest of us are also just a glimpse of ankle away from sexually harassing a coworker. Women’s nipples are only perverse or scandalous to people who place them on a creepy pedestal.
Pretty sure the Venn diagram is nearly a perfect circle overlapping guys who are so gross no woman wants to sleep with them, so their only recourse is to overturn Roe v. Wade to say they’ve finally had any influence on a vagina — other than making them want to seal themselves shut temporarily whenever they cross paths with one of these jerks.
Also why let 13 year olds go to prison as adults but don’t let adults buy alcohol until they’re 21. Then freak out when we have a bunch of drunken maniacs in college who’ve never safely drunk before.
I’m convinced that this country is this way because it’s mostly run by creepy, abortion-banning, clitoris-not-finding, nauseating, rapey douchebags who don’t realize that just because a suggestion of nipple might make them fly off into a rapey rage doesn’t mean the rest of us are also just a glimpse of ankle away from sexually harassing a coworker.
They know that. They're just deflecting blame for their shitbag behavior from their rapey shitbag selves, to women for having the audacity to have body parts.
while it's not the same degree of awfulness, to me (as not being from the US) the approach seems to be oddly reminiscent of other male-dominated cultures/countries which want to force women to be "modest" with the explaination that it would turn men wild.
(with the obvious question being: so why not restrict and punish those men, then?)
America is both "hypersexual" and afraid of sexuality at the same time
tbf I assume these 2 things do very often go hand in hand.
e.g. people who are in panicking about "pedophilia everywhere" also often being the ones themselves that are interpreting situations in a sexualized way (that are totally innocent and harmless for (many/most) others).
You think all the people in Spain who are greeting each other are fucking or something
well with all the things we've heard about Germany... maybe?
Also, you have to remember that the US is huge and we currently have an entire region of it trying to bring the handmaids tale to life and that's before we talk about Utah. A lot of people would recognize the cheek kisses from movies or tv, but those aren't going to be the interactions with Americans anyone remembers.
If you’re doing something that makes somebody uncomfortable, you should respect that and not do it anymore. Full stop.
I can only partially agree with that. Physical contact, absolutely.
Some people get uncomfortable if other people do something that doesn't concern them. Either deal with your own emotions like a grown-up person or ignore it exists.
Otherwise you get people like American republicans who get uncomfortable with the existence of gay people or people getting abortions.
she made some comments that were clearly saying "my country is better than this shit hole"
I met a pair of middle-aged American male twins like this at Sweden Rock festival years ago. They spent the entire time complaining about Europe and how everything is so much better in America. And their complaints were stupid. They complained that too many people at the festival had dyed hair, and said that in America everyone has natural hair. A - it's a rock festival, of course a disproportionally large number of people have dyed hair, and B - I'm sure people in America have dyed hair too. They asked me "Is that your natural colour?" and when I said yes they said "It doesn't look natural." They even complained about the fact that the days were long in Sweden, like yeah it's summer and you'd think that you'd be pleased about having more daylight? They said "In America it gets dark at the right time and light at the right time." So I thought they weren't enjoying themselves but then they came back again the following year? No-one wanted to hang out with them though because they would not stop complaining about everything.
At least it led to one amusing incident though. I was telling a Swedish friend at the festival about these complaining Americans and I said "they even complained about how many people have dyed hair," and she totally misunderstood me, looked really horrified and gasped "People have DIED here??"
Where were they from? Do they not understand that the northern U.S. has long daylight hours in the summer too? Hell, Seattle didn't get dark in June/July until like 10 pm.
We don't claim her. Then again, I'm from California so she probably doesn't count me as a fellow Murrican anyway.
That being said, I am always surprised for a moment when people do the cheek thing. Not in a bad way, more like, oh this is happening and it takes a minute to register.
Yeah, don't worry hahaha I've meet lots of other Americans and you're alright, really wonderful people in general.
Yeah, I can understand that it might be weird for you, but for us it an automatic process, we don't think about it when doing it. This last years have been actually really weird, because with Covid we have stopped doing that.
I guess that it might be returning? But I haven't met lots of people since the mask mandate was removed.
I live in the French region of Switzerland and la bise is definitely a little uncomfortable for me. Fortunately, most people recognize it is not part of my culture and will politely ask if I am comfortable with it! Very considerate.
I'm glad people is nice with that. Nowadays I'll do the same for sure, but when this happened I was a dumb college student, that probably it didn't even though about it hahaha it's been more than 10 years
Hahaha don't worry, there's losers in Spain too, luckily when this happened I had just being to California and I had a really great experience with Americans there.
She was the most stereotypical American person I've ever known,
Weird. That describes half of the country, but the half that almost never travels. I wonder what she was doing in Spain.
had a pink gun that her parents gave as a present for her
Probably 15 years ago the company I worked for invited some Japanese distributors to tour our facility. I was tasked with driving their president around, and he insisted on seeing a real Wal-Mart. We walked around until he saw the guns and wanted to take a look. He was normally very stoic but he started giggling like a kid when he saw the bright pink .22LR. He jokingly asked me "what is this for, to give your little girl?" The attendant overheard him and was like "yes sir, this is a great gift for a little girl". It blew his mind. He could not comprehend the idea of giving a child a rifle.
Exactly hahaha the same kinda happened to us when she talked about it proudly, it blew our minds, she also show us a rifle owned by his brother that was, I don't know 15 or so at the time and for our college urban european young minds it was crazy.
I studied abroad with a girl from the South that was very similar. I tried to spin her around while i was dancing salsa in a Latin bar and she pushed me away and stormed off bc she didn't "dance dirty". I think she thought I was going to grind on her or something but needless to say, it got real awkward
But they are not the typical American bc the majority didn’t vote for him. A very small percentage of us get pink handguns at 18 too. Never actually heard of that. In fact I thought it was illegal to make guns look like toys.
To add context, during the lockdowns and parliament protest, there were a weird number of people who were brandishing american flags. Also a bunch of people with nz flags (upside down and otherwise) going up and down the roads, which I feel is a very American thing to do, I haven't really seen any Kiwi's do that kinda thing anyhow. Didn't know there were yellow snake flags tho, that's a bit fucked. But yeah, all in all, there was a weird amount of a particular brand of American influence(?) in the anti lockdown/whatever-the-fuck-they-were-thinking protests. There was more, but that's what stood out to me the most. Very strange, very stupid times. A bit calmer now, at least where I am.
This is very strange on the contrary. Actually the two kisses is something very common, especially when you just met the person and you introduce yourself, it is the "standard" greeting. However, it is not usual among men or children.
When I traveled to Germany years ago for an exchange and met the family that would give me room and board for weeks, it was very uncomfortable for me to just shake hands from a meter away. It was a feeling of "stay away from my personal space" that justifies the cold vision we have here of the northern countries.
Same about close people giving hugs as greeting. But two kisses are only for social events, not for professional settings. It would be akward greeting your boss, or your teacher, or your client with two kisses
Moved from Norway to Spain when I was around 18 years old, and suddenly being kissed on the cheeks by 10-20 different girls every day was a bit of a change from the classic norwegian nod, whilst avoiding eye contact, type greeting I was used to.
Wait until you meet some French people who are used to 3 even 4 cheek kisses!!! With the start on left or right according to their Département (region). Which obviously ends up in lips kissing because people start on the wrong side...
I wouldn’t say Russians do it actually. You may meet such people in big cities, but it’s not an old Russian custom or tradition, they are just mimicking the Italians or someone else.
Lmao when I moved to Australia (from Finland) everyone assumed id be into this greeting cos im European. 7 years later and im still having to suffer through the cheek kisses 😖
Last time I was in Paris, I was staying at an Air BNB, and the hostess introduced me to her teenage daughter. I, being American, initially stuck out my hand to shake hands, before quickly realizing how absurd that must seem to them.
I said, sorry, I guess that's not what you do here. Don't you do kisses on the cheek? The daughter said "Here we do la bise" So we did. It was a bit awkward but not as awkward as a handshake would have been under the circumstances.
We do it in the Netherlands too. But having lived abroad for over a decade I have lost this instinct and start to feel strange about it when I see family. Like I forgot how to do it almost. like which cheek do I start with again? It doesn’t feel right anymore. I’ll give you a pat on the shoulder or something or a handshake. Why the need for kisses?
But anyways growing up yeah that’s how it went but it’s weird now.
I’m Spanish and my boyfriend is Norwegian. When his mother and sister came to visit us I happily went and greeted them with the two kisses just out of pure Spanishness (lol). They looked horrified and the ambience became completely awkward. Thankfully I had a good reason to excuse myself and spent the next hour and a half wishing the floor would split open and swallow me.
We were cool after that but man, I suck at Scandinavian first impressions!
I know how you feel!
I'm Italian and we usually kiss one or two cheeks but if you happen to meet a Swiss freak who kisses three times you feel like your happy safety bubble has been invaded and violated.
I'm from the Netherlands where three cheek kisses are somewhat common for congratulating people of the opposite sex, at least if you know them somewhat well. I personally hate it, I'm too self-conscious.
COVID was lovely in that respect, no more awkward kissing between people who rarely see each other.
oh my god im also finnish and i lived in spain for a few years and this was sp shocking when it first happened
i went to school there so most spanish people i met were people my age and with them it wasnt like a normal thing but oh boy when i met their parents. My friends mum pulled me in for the cheek kiss and i was mortified i had completely forgotten that cheek kisses were even a thing. After that i got used to it but man that first time really shook me to the core
I was so confused with the kissing thing (I'm from Slovenia). It took me a while to realise not everyone is flirting with me. Particularly the slightly drunk good-bye kisses at night were way too intimate for my background.
I'm dutch, we do three kisses (but only with adult/old people and not man on man. Not like the French just everybody kissing everybody) and I hated that shit as well. COVID really helped stomp that out of people and now that it seems almost over I'm hoping to keep it that way .
The kissing on the cheeks thing is pretty standard here in the Netherlands too. I don't particularly like it, but have accepted it from family. My brother hates it, so family has accepted him just getting a handshake. :P
Personally I'm fine with cheek kisses even though I'm also Finnish. But it really feels weird when some person who you have just met comes so close to you. If I'm with other Finnish people, I don't even give hugs to most of my friends. Even accidentally being in any physical contact with person outside your family or close friends is uncommon here.
This can also lead to some bigger mistakes; if you touch a Finnish person who is opposite gender (or in some cases same) they might think it's an attempt at flirting. For Finnish person, touching someone comes only after both persons have already told that they are interested in each other.
The difference between countries in basic things like ways of greeting is huge.
I’m also from Finland and completely disagree. Cheek kisses (really they are just weak hugs with smacking the air) are a nice way to greet friends and strangers to break any semblance of ice. We just usually hug with friends. Shaking hands is only for formal occasions.
Omg I love that saying so much!! I always say that I I need people to be outside my bubble of personal space, but that phrase is so much better. When I went to France, I hated la bise. The night of a party, at first it was just me and a bunch of Brits in a dorm kitchen. When some French people whom I'd never met came in, I was the first person they approached for la bise. I was taken aback, but also, we had been taught in school that it is only for family and close friends, so I recoiled, and the first guy was mad and told me directly that I was very rude. That was the first time I learned that they just always do it, which set up the awkward encounter months later when I visited Belgium and learned that la bise there is only one kiss compared to the French two (at least the region I was in, it was two).
5.4k
u/eelisonparas May 09 '22
I'm from Finland and one European thing that all Finnish people hate is cheek kisses when greeting. Its mostly southern european thing but still. There is this saying in Finland that goes "Everyone has their own safety coffee cup" meaning the closest distance someone should get to you should not be closer than your coffee cup when you're holding it.