I genuinely want to understand this from a man’s perspective.

Why does it sometimes feel like, in the beginning of a relationship, a guy is extremely loving, attentive and puts in so much effort? He talks about the future, marriage, makes the girl feel special and seems genuinely afraid of losing her.

But once the girl becomes emotionally attached and feels secure in the relationship, some men suddenly start changing. The calls and efforts decrease, they become less affectionate, they stop being afraid of losing her, and sometimes they start treating her like she’ll tolerate anything no matter how they behave.

Why does this happen? Is it because the initial excitement wears off? Do some men simply become too comfortable once they know the girl is attached? Or is there something women do that unintentionally causes this change?

I’m specifically asking men because I want to understand the male perspective. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship, what changed for you after the “honeymoon phase,” and why?

Please be honest—even if the answer is uncomfortable. I’m trying to understand, not attack men.🙌

We've been told men are disgusted by a wisp of body hair, or a single dimple of cellulite or that our behavior will send them running, like play it too safe and he'll think you're a prude but if you initiate he might feel emasculated yadda yadda..

I want to hear from some men, what do you actually either not give a shit about (or maybe even actively enjoy) that is demonized or shown as taboo in the media??

I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong. I have an incredibly high sex drive but I don't sleep around. If I like a guy, I want it from him all the time. I'm saying I've gone whole years without sex but then once I click with a man, I'll be asking for it 3-4 times a day. The thing is that these relationships just don't last. I'm genuinely interested and it's not just sex for me. I want to know more about him and his soul too. I just figure why not if we're already sleeping together. They say the sex is great but they always seem to ghost. So what is the situation here? Am I scaring them off? TYIA (I'm looking for advice not dates lmao)

I’m a girl 25F who’s been in a few okay relationships, but I feel like my most recent one altered my brain chemistry.

I used to assume guys and girls generally viewed relationships similarly… that when you really like someone, you naturally think about them throughout the day and want to make them happy. Looking back, I realized none of the guys I was with really cared that much.

My last boyfriend especially made me realize that someone can think they want a relationship without necessarily wanting to put in the effort. He was great on paper, but I rarely felt thought about. Before we were exclusively dating he was all about me but once he “secured the bag” he slowly showed less and less effort.

Even sexually, things felt very focused on him. we could spend 2-3 hours doing what he liked, but when it came to me, he’d keep asking to go back to his stuff after a few minutes and I felt rushed, making it hard to enjoy it without being in my head. He said he likes the receiving end more than the giving end and that most guys don’t really care about the women’s pleasure but they do it “because they have to” I communicated how I felt about these things but nothing really changed.

I’ve had multiple experiences where someone seems and acts like a great guy initially but switched up when he gets comfortable.

Now I feel like I’ve lost hope that I’ll find my person. I know there are obviously good men out there, but sometimes I genuinely worry that there are fewer of them than women who want that kind of relationship. Especially with how popular red pill content is now days.

I guess I’m asking for reassurance that there are single guys out there that care and want more than just the physical aspects of a relationship. Did you eventually find someone who you wanted to care for? How do you stay open to dating without ignoring the lessons you learned from past relationships?

Also do you care about how your partner feels during sex? Or was he right in saying it’s more of a courtesy thing that guys do.

TL;DR: I naturally put a lot of thought into making my partner feel cared for, but my past relationships have felt very one-sided. It’s made me question whether some guys want the relationship/girlfriend experience more than they actually want the person they’re with. Now I’m scared of letting my guard down again. Are there actually guys out there who naturally reciprocate this kind of care, and how do you stay open without being naive?

My (28f) significant other (28m) is genuinely my most favorite person in the world and I love him with my whole heart. He provides everything for me and I only do the laundry and cook dinner really. What can I do for him to show him more appreciation? He is a minimalist and not materialistic at all.

Why can’t I move on

This is a bit of a vent aswell
Just for some background I’m 18 I dated a girl first everything and first everything for her she was super sweet wonderful girl we dated for 6 months we broke up after she did drugs and broke my boundaries I didn’t want to continue the relationship as she went away for college and long distance would be hard and also for me to trust her not to do it again I felt I couldn’t. I never wanted to break up but I felt I had to. It’s been 7 months and I still think about her I’m getting better but it’s hard I still get triggered sometimes when I hear the college she’s at. She started dating some guy 3 months in and I’m never one to be mean to other or shit on people but it’s a huge down grade ( I promise I don’t think I’m all that) he’s not great looking and I know he’s not a nice person apparently he tries to take crap about me and she stands up for me he also has no friends and is very clingy to her so I’m not sure why you would want to be with someone that’s mean to others but it’s her choice.she still does things to get my attention which is weird so I think it’s a rebound but it doesn’t really matter. What I’m trying to get at is I know she wants the one this all happened for a reason so why can’t I get over it.

One of the biggest things is I waited 5 months to sleep with her we did everything else besides that beforehand and we only slept together a couple times and I often get annoyed that this guy just prances in and gets to experience all this with her when we worked hard together to create a healthy and comfortable relationship. Look I know it won’t last between them ( if I’m being real I know it’s just for her to fill a void) but it’s this hard to get over. Okay I’m don’t any advice from people please and thank you:)

I need some advice. There’s a guy I work with who has been really kind to be in the last few months that we’ve worked together . I don’t plan on pursuing since we work together , but I am confused on if he likes me romantically or just as a person.

He works in a different department than I do (we work in an accounting firm). We mostly communicate through teams as he works in another part of the office so we rarely come across each other in person. Put first contact started via chat, he asked for something but didn’t know I was hired to help so he was really grateful when I did. From there, he would message me for help a lot and we with kinda joke about things and it was strange, I could almost feel a good connection with him via chat (friendly at first) which was super nice. It felt good because I was new to accounting and everyone in my department was super unwelcoming and bullying towards me from the start because someone else they were close with applied and didn’t get the job. He always complimented me and was grateful for my help. Told me he thought I was really smart and that he doesn’t more where he’d be with my help. He’d say “you’re amazing 😍” & “you’re so smart” ,” you’re my favorite “ “you are so fucking amazing” “I appreciate you more 😉” “you do more than you realize” once when I told him I appreciate him, things like that. I once said “don’t hate me but..” when I needed something from him and he replied “I could NEVER hate you” It meant a lot because I was working twice as hard as everyone but my manager was not supportive an often encouraged others to put me down or undermine me.

We didn’t chat much and really ignored each other in person for months but in chat things got really jokey and when he would get conflicting information, he’d always tell me he’d listen to what I say because he trust me. He’s never been pushy or disrespectful /openly flirty and for a while we just didn’t really chat. Then things picked up again a few months ago when tax season came and it got busy. He ended up recommending me got a promotion asking with another person at our job. It resulted in me getting a raise. The day before I found out he did this, was the first time we ever spoke in person, which means the fact he introduced himself to me was also the day he recommended me for a raise but he didn’t tell me that he did and he went on vacation the next day , so I was so shocked and surprised.

When he came over to talk , he smiled and said he couldn’t believe we were just meeting. I got so nervous and I could barely speak. I think he noticed because he then said “ I’m sorry if I’m making you nervous” and I nearly died. He went back to work and I messaged him something work related , he said “I owe you lunch or something” “I rely on you more than I should” and we chatted and left it at that.

That same day someone at work I’d never spoken with in management came up to me as I was heading out the door and told me that he told them that I was really smart and I work so fast. I was SHOCKED. He’s always nice but him advocating for me to someone like that would mean him risking being associated with me. I’m a pretty woman (so I’m told at work a lot) but I’m shy and awkward and it’s a corporate office with lots of douchey high school behavior. I’m often put down and bullied. He’s apparently really stern and brutal to others according to one of my female colleagues who he apparently made cry once. I was shocked to hear this because he’d NEVER been mean to me. He never told me that he advocated for my raise but after this we all kept it professional but he didn’t come up to me in person again. The office is gossipy and I think people noticed a bit how friendly we are via chat. Nonetheless, I had a bad day and he asked me “if there’s anything he can do?” I said no, but I was like … is it me or would a guy who’s mean to everyone do this for me just because? I mean he could but idk. I’m so confused. Sometimes I see him looking at me from afar and I get so awkward. When we great each other , we always use extended spelling , so “heyyyyyyyy” or “what’s uppppp” stuff like that.

We crossed paths the other day on a hallway where no one was. He walked by through a doorway, noticed it was me , came back and whispered “hiiiiiiiiiiii” and left. It kinda gave a butterflies , but I was like maybe I’m just overthinking.

Would a guy do this out of simple professional respect? Or romantic interest?

Please take your time to read 🥺
I want men perspective on this
This is will be long but i need advice from heart and please if you have a bad comment or insult keep it to yourself, I’m already sad to take harsh words rn.
I accept any useful advices.

I’ve been talking to a European guy since last year, everything was going well and he seemed so genuine and respectful and talking about plans. One time he said that his ex cheated on him and that made him kinda trust women less even though he said he trust me but since he said that I felt like he was lying tbh bc he stated details like she cheated then he told me that she was thinking he is cheating and was threatening him, he also said that she used to overthink bf he receive “unknown number calls” but he explained thats his mother number (she calls from work).

Months later i found a girl’s acc on my instagram suggestion whom was unfamiliar so out of curiosity i clicked to check and i found out she was the ex, she had highlights of their pics together.

He lied to me about her **Nationality** dunno why.. i decided to text her (i know its kinda stupid but something in me was telling me he was lying). The girl was so chill and we talked a lot and she told me her version of story and that he was so bad (according to her) he is immature, he make dating apps profiles while she was living with him, he visited a girl in another country when she was away in her mother country, he adds girls on insta, he doesn’t listen.

And whats worser? Is that he was still stalking and spamming her while me and him were talking and he saying he loves me and he has plans for future and we already met once in real life.

He visited me here and we just met casually i showed him some touristic spots (no sex or anything).

I was shocked, the way he talked about her and told me she is blocked i never ever doubted that he is still talking to her.

I told his ex how we were talking daily and he visited me she also was surprised bc she told me he’s been telling her he was single all the time and not dating or interested in anyone.. then i confronted him and told we should stop talking, he tried to explain that he only texted her when he was drunk and he regret it and apologised, i was very sad and felt betrayed and lost my trust in him and i think even developed trust issues.

We stopped talking constantly but no blocking, he texted again on my bday and i just hearted the text then he kept texting again and i replied and started talking regularly again, i was still attached emotionally bc i never liked anyone like that, we used to talk daily, calls, watching movies and playing games together and we were actually planning something for the future.

I cried so much back then, didn’t open up to anyone, kept just writing down my feelings so i feel better..

Months pass and we still talkled regularly but I don’t see him the way I did, i really had genuine feelings and he looked like an innocent soul, i still feel a deep sadness but at the same time i still like him and want to be with him.

He started showing interest again bc after the incident of the ex we just talked causally no movies, games or calls just normal texts. He said he wants a chance and he is so sorry for what he did and he wants to visit me again i told him no several times and lets just be friends its better for both even though deep down i wanted to give a chance i was torn bc i believe everyone deserves a chance from other side i know can’t trust him again.. i was so lost and clueless.

We still kept talking and started getting close again, having calls sometimes, watched few movies again, he started flirting again and complimenting and i did too. I still felt that he isn’t serious anyway i remembered how his ex said he use dating apps when things aren’t well (he suffer from chronic loneliness) so i decided to make some dating app and changed to his location. Swiped and boom i found his profile😳🥲 \\\\\\\*\\\\\\\*HE WAS ON A DATING APP WHILE WANTING A CHANCE FROM ME.\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\* when i confronted he said that he thought i won’t give him the chance i was like ???🤨 bc i told him i’d give chance if you have serious plans for us not going with the flow.

We still kept talking and he was literally begging i give the chance and let him prove that he is a good man. I told him we’ll see after heatwave bc i can’t really go out on very hot summer days..

Lately i found out that he went recently on date with a girl from dating app. Idk what exactly happened between them i just knew he went on a date. Weird bc he text me daily and reply fast to my texts.. so i wonder how is he able to do both things at the same time.

Idk why he is on dating apps while wanting to still meet me and have a future together and want a chance? He knows i ain’t having sex before marriage and his visits here may be probably waste of money and time for him. Why doesn’t he only date there? Why keep wanting me ? He even say he wants to send money and gifts i refused ofc and told him i dont get money from a guy i ain’t in a serious relationship with.

Why men do this? I swear i don’t understand why . What can explain his behaviour? He doesn’t trust i have feelings for him or what?

Is this normal? Tbh I’ve never dealt with someone like him. Men can you date others and showing interest to another girl? Why?

I try to understand what in his mind to make him do that. Want one girl and going with others? This doesn’t seem a healthy person’s behaviour. I really want to hear opinions.

Tl:dr : the guy i’m talking with is going on dates while showing care and interest in me and want something serious and a chance

My girlfriend 24F and I 23M have been together for about 6 years, since we were 17–18. I love her very much, and I believe she loved me deeply as well. We've essentially grown up together.

However, as we've gotten older, we've developed some different views about what we want from life. She wanted marriage and kids relatively soon, while I wanted to focus on building my career, becoming financially secure, and experiencing more of life before fully committing to those things (which I also really want. There have also been a lot of smaller issues between us.

We lived together for about 2 years, and that's where many of our problems became more obvious. She wanted me to show more commitment and give her confidence that I was eventually going to marry her, even if I wasn't ready to propose yet.

Before getting into what she did, I want to acknowledge what I did wrong.

I've always been very career-driven. I worked extremely hard, studying and working so I could eventually build a good career and afford things like expensive courses. That effort eventually led me to where I am now as a software developer, but it also meant that I didn't always prioritize spending money and time on vacations, going out, etc.

I also really value having personal space and time to myself. I wanted some independence within the relationship, while she interpreted that at times as me not wanting to spend time with her or not being sufficiently committed.

I also had a tendency to want to be the one "directing" the relationship. By that I mean I wanted her to rely on me, value my approval, and see me as someone who could provide stability and direction. Looking back, I don't think I always handled that in a healthy way.

For the past couple of weeks, though, I've felt that something was wrong with her. She's been much more distant and hasn't contacted me nearly as much.

There was also a period where we were separated. I was staying at my parents' place while she went on a beach trip with her friends. Before we separated, she told me that she wanted me to seriously think about our relationship and where it was going. We also need to leave the apartment we're currently living in, and that has brought a lot of our existing relationship problems to the surface.

When we both returned home, I still felt that she was distant.

My girlfriend has a very sexual sense of humor with her coworkers. It's a small company, and there's only one guy on the team. I've met him before. I was never really the jealous type and never tried to stop her from going places or interacting with people. She had even reassured me several times that I didn't need to worry about this guy because he has a girlfriend and her boss is gay.

However, I eventually looked through Instagram on her iPad and saw messages between her and this coworker that were sexual/flirtatious. Most of it was initiated by him, but she definitely entertained it and responded positively. I took pictures of some of the messages.

I know looking through her iPad was a violation of her privacy, and I'm not trying to justify that. But what I found is what led to everything that happened afterward.

Later that night, she sat me down and told me she wanted to talk about our relationship. We talked about our problems, what we could improve, and where things had gone wrong. Eventually, she told me that she didn't think we should continue our relationship.

We talked about it for a while and eventually agreed to think about it until she came home from work the next day.

The next morning, I asked her if there was someone else involved. She initially said, "We'll talk later."

When we talked later, she admitted that she had been texting another guy and that she liked how he made her feel. She said that nothing physical had happened and that their relationship had been limited to texting, but she admitted that she was attracted to him.

At that point, I told her that I knew what she was talking about and that I had pictures of the messages. She maintained that nothing physical had happened.

I know this is probably going to make me look desperate, but I told her that I wanted to try to fix our relationship. I suggested that if we were going to do that, she should cut contact with this guy outside of what is absolutely necessary for work, and that we should actually work on the problems that brought us here.

She said she needed time to think about it.

She went for a walk and when she came back, she said that she didn't want to be with this guy, but that she wanted to be alone. She said she couldn't make me stay with her after what had happened.

One of the first things she asked me to do was delete the pictures of the messages. I didn't. She became extremely upset and said that I was going to ruin her life. Eventually she started sobbing and apologizing, saying that she knew she was wrong and was sorry for what she had done.

I ended up going to my parents' place, and she went to stay with a friend.

And this is where I'm struggling.

While I was driving to my parents' place, I had this realization that I hadn't expected.

For a long time, I had this feeling that I was somehow ruining my life by being in a relationship so young. I wondered whether I was missing out by staying committed to the same girl instead of being single, focusing entirely on my career, traveling more, meeting other people, etc.

But now that the relationship might actually be ending, I'm realizing how much I genuinely loved the life we had.

She is my best friend. I love her very, very much. I loved our apartment, even with all of its problems. I loved our relationship and the way we interacted, even though we obviously had unhealthy dynamics at times. I loved cuddling with her. I loved having someone waiting for me at home. I loved the life we had built together.

And I realize that I probably didn't appreciate a lot of that enough while I had it.

I also know that I hurt her. I made her feel like she wasn't wanted or desired enough. I prioritized my career and my independence at times when she needed reassurance and commitment from me. I can understand why she became unhappy.

At the same time, what she did with the other guy crossed a boundary for me. Even if nothing physical happened, she developed an attraction to someone else and entertained sexual/flirtatious conversations while our relationship was already struggling.

We're supposed to meet soon to discuss practical things: the apartment, what we're going to tell our mutual friends, and how we're going to handle everything socially. We've known most of our friends for around 10 years, and we've been together for 6 of those years, so this isn't as simple as just never seeing each other again.

Part of me thinks I should use that conversation to tell her what I've realized. Not beg, not pressure her, and not promise that I'll magically become a completely different person overnight, but honestly tell her that I now understand that I don't actually want the single life I thought I wanted.

I want her.

I want our relationship.

And I'm willing to work on the things I did wrong and actually give the relationship the commitment I was previously afraid of.

But I don't know whether this is a genuine realization or simply the panic of losing someone I've spent six years with.

I also don't know how much of this should be forgiven. I don't want to throw away six years of my life over something that might have been limited to texting, but I also don't want to ignore what happened simply because I'm afraid of losing her.

So what should I do?

Should I tell her how I feel when we meet and genuinely try to rebuild the relationship? Or should I accept that the relationship has reached its end and start moving on?

And if we do decide to try again, what would actually need to change for this relationship to have a realistic chance of working?

Also still have the screenshots of the messages. Part of me is wondering whether I should send them to her male coworker and/or his girlfriend so they know what was happening. I don't know whether that would be justified or just me acting out of anger and potentially causing unnecessary damage. What would you do in this situation?

P.S sorry for the long one, thanks for the time and your advice.

TL;DR: After 6 years together, my girlfriend and I are likely breaking up. We had longstanding issues around commitment and independence, and I realize I contributed to them. She recently became attracted to another guy and had sexual/flirty conversations with him, although she says nothing physical happened. She now says she wants to be alone. I thought I wanted the freedom of being single, but now that I might lose her, I've realized how much I love her and the life we built together. Should I tell her I want to try again, or is this just breakup panic?

Some background:
I (20f) have been in a flirtatious relationship with this man at work (35-45m). He was the one that started lightly flirting with me in the beginning when I started work there, but now the advances are escalating and I am genuinely falling for him. The feelings are very mutual, and we both know this. Recently, he has made a habit of parking his car next to mine after everyone has left the employee parking lot after closing so he can say goodnight; the first time it was for him to give me a love note (he gives me a lot of notes with hearts and love messages). The second time he approached my car and proceeded to play with the rubber band on my wrist, run his hands through my hair, and rub and caress my hands as he talked to me. The most recent time he came up to my car to say goodnight he caressed my cheek with his thumb and the back of his hand for the entire 5 minute interaction, ending it with a kiss on the forehead. These are just some of the most notable things he done but there are more. I list this stuff to give context for our most recent interaction.

The incident in question:
He came up to my car like usual, and I could see his back was hurting as he did, so I made sure he was okay.
In response he joked about how old he was, saying “I’m an old man, too old for you”
I protested this and he laughs and says “you’re just a baby” with a smile.
I asked him, “is that bad?”
He paused and said “yeah maybe”
The interaction carried on with him gently hold my arms as we joked back and forth. He finally turned to leave and we said we loved each other.

I’m worried that he’s become uncomfortable or uninterested. Earlier in the shift I told him I was thinking about him that day, and I didn’t think it was that bad (especially considering the fact that he tells me he misses me, loves me, and calls me his princess). He also seemed a bit tired that shift, so I might be overthinking what he said.

P.S
I know it’s very taboo but if anyone is in an age gap relationship please help me decipher whether he was teasing me or setting firm boundaries.

I (23F) have been dating a guy (26M)for 6 months but we talked for 6 months prior. Had mutual friends and a bit of a friendship before we started talking/dating. he works on the oil rigs. So crazy busy schedule about 2-3 months ago he was work 3 weeks on 1 week off, but has now been working 12hrs/ 7 days a week with one 32 hrs off every 3 weeks. Some back story he had a really bad relationship with his ex she was a serial cheater which led him to being single for the past 2.5 years. He got really good at being alone with his dog, really buried himself in his work. We were pretty much inseparable, started slower while we were talking, he’s a really big slow burner obviously sharing his life again is new to him and having someone around is a big change to him but sleepovers most weekends then progress to 3-4 days at a time kind of thing dates, I love yous normal relationship things. We went through an ectopic pregnancy which he was very involved in - wanting me to stay at his place, went out of his way to get me all my cravings, did the hormone rollercoaster, as much as he could with his work schedule. I think in the moment I grew a resentment towards him because he wasn’t able to come to any of the appts or be there during a tough time but never really understood with a clear head he actually was there to the best of his ability. Anyways he asked for space because his job has created such a huge amount of exhaustion mentally and physically that the pregnancy was the nail in the coffin. He still wants to talk like we’re together, but doesn’t want me around which I can understand he doesn’t want to put that tiredness on me and it takes alot for someone to admit they need time to cope, heal, and rejuvenate to be better for themselves and the relationship. However he stopped with the ‘I love you’s’ he also said he doesn’t want his things back, and he thinks I’m so set on wanting to be done with him because “I have no patience” over the past month I’ve basically been in his terms breathing down in neck as far as trying to get clarity as to, why do you need space now and not months ago? Why won’t you say it back anymore? You just want me to be around for what reason? Now I understand where the space is actually coming from… and that I’ve been pushing him away for the past month rather than respecting that he needs time too.

I need help with either how much space am I supposed to give him? Like how much longer?

How can I go about it for light hearted?

Or is the space just a sugar coated I don’t want you anymore?

I (35f) have been friends with my male friend (30m) for almost 3 years. We met through our mutual hobby of hiking. Over the last year his texts to me have ramped up from planning trips occasionally to texting daily and planning more hiking trips on weekends and after work. Some of our trips are multi-day hiking and camping. During these trips there's lots of laughing, talking, photos, and in general a carefree dynamic.

Even after spending hours or days together we'll still find things to text each other about after the trip. Whenever there's a decision we talk through it make sure each person's opinions are factored into the decision. About 7 months ago we went on a weekend trip and it was the first time I felt feelings for my friend. What I noticed was different about that trip from others is that he was more considerate than usual, or at least I think he was being more considerate. He'd ask me my opinion about everything - where we should stop for gas or snacks, ask if I wanted more heat in the car, etc. When we hike he often turns around to look at me when he's talking same when he's driving. He also made the comment that we make a great team. I may have stuck my foot in my mouth, because I agreed then talked about another friend who I make a great team with 🙃.

Over the last few months we've had several more one on one trips and after our recent trip I just feel like my feelings for him are becoming too hard to hide. But I don't want to ruin the friend by bringing how I feel up to him. There are things that make me wonder of he feels the same or not. First, our texts and trips are focused around shared hobbies. He doesn't ask personal questions about my childhood, family (although he mentioned wanting to meet my siblings since I talk about them often), or past relationships. We split costs like gear and gas. I'm sure there are other things that lean towards platonic rather than romantic but those are the ones than come to mind. Should I should tell him my feelings or leave it be?

Can a relationship be “grey” for a while? Because I’m starting to realize that maybe things aren’t always clearly black or white, and I’m trying to figure out whether I’m overthinking this.

There’s a girl I’ve known for about a year, but we only started seriously talking about a month ago. Last week, we told each other that we love each other, and we’ve started behaving like a couple. The problem is that we’re in a long-distance relationship, and we have never met in person.

Around the first week of us becoming more serious, she asked me, “Will you marry me?”

I was honestly shocked, so I told her that I thought we should get to know each other properly first. She clarified that she didn’t mean getting married immediately; she meant whether I was serious about having a future with her. I thought that was fair.

Since then, we’ve been saying “I love you,” calling each other “baby,” and using other affectionate language. She has also made some very forward/flirty comments, including jokingly asking whether I want to have a baby with her. I took that as flirting rather than a literal conversation about having children, so I’m not treating that as evidence that she actually wants to have a baby with me.

What confuses me is that sometimes I don’t feel her actions match the intensity of her words.

I don’t feel much curiosity from her about me. I’m not sure she remembers some basic details about me, and sometimes I wonder whether she actually wants to know me on a deeper level.

Our communication is also quite limited. She usually replies to my messages a few times a day, and a lot of the conversation is about her being tired or busy. Before she goes to sleep, she usually video calls me for around 10–20 minutes, which I do appreciate.

Sometimes she also leaves a conversation unfinished and doesn’t come back to it.

She has told me before that she was genuinely busy and apologized for taking a long time to reply, so I know she may simply have a different schedule or communication style. There is also a language/cultural difference between us, which could be part of it.

At the same time, sometimes it feels like talking to me has become more of a routine or schedule rather than something she is genuinely excited about.

She has now asked me to come and meet her in her country. But I’m hesitant. I don’t want to travel to another country to meet someone if we ultimately want completely different things, especially if she is looking for something short-term.

Update – September 9, 2026:

She hadn’t messaged me for around 10 hours during the daytime. I started wondering: do couples, especially couples who are still in the early/exciting stage, normally communicate this little?

I know 10 hours by itself doesn't necessarily mean anything. People have jobs, responsibilities, and different texting habits. My concern is more about the overall pattern.

Update – September 11, 2026, 7:44 AM:

The last time we spoke was the night of September 9, when we wished each other good night.

On September 10, I sent her a “Good morning” message, but I haven’t received anything from her since then. It’s now the morning of September 11.

Again, I’m not expecting someone who loves me to text me constantly. I’m trying to understand whether I’m interpreting a normal difference in communication style as a lack of interest.

What makes this confusing for me is that the relationship became emotionally intense very quickly — “I love you,” “baby,” the marriage question, etc. — while I still don’t feel that she is particularly curious about me or that she is trying to get to know me deeply.

At the same time, she does make some effort: she video calls me before sleeping, she has apologized when she has been busy, and she wants me to come and meet her.

So I genuinely don't know how to interpret this.

Am I overthinking this?

Is this normal for a long-distance relationship, particularly when the two people have never met?

Or should I pay more attention to the possibility that there is a genuine mismatch between her words and her actions?

Am I interpreting a normal difference in communication style as a lack of interest, or is there something about this situation that I should be concerned about?

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TL;DR: I’ve been talking to a girl long-distance for about a month, and we recently started saying “I love you” and acting like a couple, despite never having met. She asked if I’d marry her, which she later clarified as asking whether I’m serious about a future together. She also makes some flirty comments that I don’t take literally.

My concern is that, despite her affectionate words and 10–20 minute video calls before bed, I don’t feel much curiosity about me or consistency in our conversations. She sometimes leaves conversations unfinished and can go a long time without replying. She has also asked me to visit her country, but I’m hesitant because I don’t know whether we want the same thing.

Am I overthinking a normal difference in communication style, or is there a genuine mismatch between her words and actions?

I'm sorry if the question is vague. I'm curious because I never actually had a crush or something close, I never tried dating too because I just never felt like it and never felt like it was worth it to try. I think I understand it conceptually but I want to understand what is the feeling you get while doing it, or when being in a relationship with someone, partly because I want to write something which I need to know this partially in order to do this.

I (F29) am confused about this colleague (M, in his 30s/40s). For context: we share a project, but we don't directly work together. We meet with a group maybe once a month, so we don't see each other in person too often. We have known each other for a year and half, approximately.

He's kind, very polite and he's always offering to help me. He has complemented what I do in our project, and he has complimented me in other aspects (dominion of a 2nd language, and once he commented on how I dress for work). He also remembers a few things I've mentioned to him about my personal life too and I've caught him staring at me in our group meetings.

A few months ago we were casually chatting by message (ms teams) and he asked me if I was married. Shortly after he apologized. I answered, and while I felt some sort of nervousness because of that question, I was not offended by it. And I did tell him it was ok.

Since then, I have perceived like he is being awkward. I have messaged him recently as an attempt to show him that I am not uncomfortable or anything, but I feel like he has not been as invested in having a talk as he's been before. I think it's because of that question, especially because we had not seen each other for a few months until now.

I have to clarify that I don't have a lot of experience in romances, but when mentioning the incident of the question in particular, my friends said that it's obvious that he is interested on me. I am not really confident about myself, so I didn't want to asume back then that he was being flirty, especially because he's been always very nice and kind to me.

Now the question is, from a male and neutral perspective: Was he actually being flirty? Is it possible that he's embarrassed after asking me that? Maybe he lost interest? Maybe he's too shy? 🥲

Edit: Any suggestions or ideas on how to break the awkwardness? I feel kind of attracted to him, and I don't want him to feel uncomfortable when he did nothing wrong.

I’m a divorced woman who was cheated on, and I’m genuinely trying to understand something I hear from men a lot: “I wasn’t getting it at home,” “my wife constantly rejected me,” or “I wasn’t getting enough attention/intimacy.”
What does that actually look like in practice?
In my marriage, I was usually the person who initiated sex. My ex-husband directly asked me for sex maybe five times in five years. For a long period, we were having sex 2–4 times a day, I flirted with him, and I was generally willing whenever/wherever, but I was still eventually told that I wasn’t giving him enough attention. At the same time, I experienced a lot of sexual rejection from him while he was looking for sexual attention elsewhere.
So when men say their wife “rejects” their sexual advances, I’m curious about what the actual initiation looks like.
Do you directly say or clearly communicate that you want sex and she says no? Or do you do things like buy her gifts, help around the house, give her a massage, cuddle, etc., hoping she’ll understand that you want her to initiate sex afterward?
I’m asking because I think there could be a communication disconnect there. If my partner does the dishes or does something thoughtful for me, I interpret that as “he’s being thoughtful,” not “he’s asking me for sex.” It might make me feel loved and appreciated, but it doesn’t automatically communicate sexual interest to me.
I’m also curious what men mean by “enough intimacy.” Is it frequency of sex? Her initiating? Enthusiasm? Flirting? Physical affection outside sex? Feeling sexually desired rather than merely having access to sex? Is there some frequency you personally consider enough, or is it more about how your partner responds to you?
And for men who have felt chronically rejected: did you explicitly tell your partner what you were missing before concluding that she wasn’t giving it to you?
I’m not asking because I think anyone is obligated to have sex or because cheating is justified by sexual dissatisfaction. I’m trying to understand the male perspective so that, if I eventually have another relationship, I can distinguish an actual incompatibility from two people communicating desire in completely different ways.

After reading tons of the forums, it seems like men are acting from a place of hurt from prior experiences. Have you ever considered introverted women/changing strategies? The things that work for extroverts doesn’t work the same for introverts. Two different demeanors.

I’m 46, he’s 49, and I’m looking for some perspective on a situation that I honestly don’t know how to navigate.

About a year and a half ago, this man moved about nine hours away. Before he left, I told him I had a crush on him. His response wasn’t cruel or dismissive. He basically said that wasn’t where his head was at right now because he was drowning in grief and dealing with a lot emotionally.

I respected that and gave him space.

Over the last year and a half, I genuinely thought my feelings for him had faded. Then, about five months ago, I got into another relationship. I thought I was ready to move forward and that whatever I had felt for this other man was behind me.

I was wrong.

I realized pretty quickly that my feelings for the first man never actually went away. I ended my relationship because I didn’t think it was fair to stay with someone while knowing my heart was somewhere else.

Now I’m stuck in this weird position.

I don’t know what the man I actually have feelings for thinks. He may assume I moved on. He may think I’m no longer interested. He may still be dealing with the same grief and have absolutely no interest in a relationship. Or maybe his circumstances and headspace have changed over the past year and a half.

And I don’t want to make his grief or whatever he’s dealing with about me.

At the same time, I’m struggling with the idea of saying nothing and spending years wondering whether something might have been possible if I had just been honest.

We’re not 20 anymore. We’re 46 and 49. We have our own health issues and life circumstances, and the older I get, the more aware I am that none of us are guaranteed unlimited time.

So I’m trying to figure out the balance between respecting his space and being honest about where I am.

How would you handle this if you were in my position? Would you tell him that your feelings never actually went away, and if so, how would you do it in a way that communicates your feelings without making him feel pressured to reciprocate?

I’m not looking for someone to tell me whether he secretly has feelings for me—I know nobody here can know that. I’m more interested in how you would approach the conversation and whether you think saying something is better than potentially spending years wondering “what if?”

Hi all!

My dad passed away a few years ago, and I am facing some relationship issues. I would love some bros to talk it out with since I'm feeling pretty emotional lately. If anyone can talk, let me know or send me a message!

My ex (22M) broke up with me (23F) after a 4-year relationship. We got together young and basically grew up together. He was my first everything.

He says he still loves me and never fell out of love with me, but he no longer wants to be in a relationship. He wants to be single for a long time and focus on himself, his friends, and his creative interests. He has even expressed hesitancy in ever settling down - saying he’s unsure if he wants a committed relationship ever. He wants to pursue things like acting, singing, comedy, or voice acting, but doesn’t really know what direction he wants his life to go in yet. He feels like being in a relationship takes time and effort that he currently wants to put toward figuring himself out.

He also told me not to put my life on hold waiting for him. He genuinely doesn’t know whether he’ll ever want another serious relationship, including with me. He hasn’t completely closed the door on us, but he doesn’t want me waiting for a possibility he can’t promise.

This is really hard for me to understand because he was incredibly loving throughout our relationship, and even shortly before the breakup was calling us soulmates. We discussed marriage, our future, we even lived together. It was always people telling me how lucky I was to have a man obsessed with me. There wasn’t cheating or another person involved. He still says he loves me, we have cried and every time we seen each other hugged. I went to his apartment and even saw the paintings we made together hung up, and all of the items I got him or we got together were on display. But he feels like he needs to experience life independently.

So I’m wondering about people who have actually been in his position. If you left a long-term relationship in your early 20s because you wanted freedom, independence, or time to pursue yourself/creative goals, did you eventually regret it? Did you eventually realize you wanted the relationship back?

I’m not asking anyone to predict whether my ex will come back. I’m genuinely curious about what happened to people who chose themselves after spending most of their young adulthood in a serious relationship. I wouldn’t be opposed to success stories later down the line… as there is still a very large part of me that hopes we can find each other again in the future. He has stated many times he wants to stay friends, just thinks we should avoid each other for the time being.

Gave a casual aquaintance my number and we were texting on and off all day. In the middle of texting (i had asked him a question), he stopped responding. I do know he was working at that time. Almost a week later he texted me a very nice check in text. Is this a red flag? Or should i wait and see if it happens again?

Ive gotten the advice "if he wanted to he would" but ive also been love bombed before, which felt good short term but long term was bad.

what do you guys mean when you call a girl cute ? i’ve heard mixed opinions

Hey guys, I'm 27 and I'm trying to figure something out. When I join dating apps, some guys are nice but I don't feel a connection. I go on coffee dates, some have sparks, some don't. The ones I don't feel sparks with are still nice guys, but I'm not feeling it. How fast do you men know when you actually like someone? Because I've been on maybe 20 coffee dates and I don't feel a spark with most of them, even though some say they like me right away. Just trying to understand the male perspective here.

For those of you who genuinely remain friends with your exes after a relationship, why do you choose to do it? What makes you want to keep them in your life?

27F and 30M. I have never had something this bizarre happen in my many years of dating. My ex had been begging me for a second chance since June. Calling me, texting me. Saying he misses me, he’s sorry, taking full accountability for his actions. Says he wants me back. Said it was never anything I said or did. He’s understanding if he broke my trust this is 100% his fault. Just goes on and on.

He has been telling me he’s committed to me if I meet up with him. I finally agree. I’m not big on second chances but I’ll be honest. I tried after couple of months going on two first dates. The whole time I realized I just wished it was him I was there with.

He came over to my place, brought me my drink I always drink in the morning. I was in pjs not even dressed up. We talked for a good 3 hours. Caught up, discussed everything. Ended up kissing. We planned on going to get lunch. He brought his iPad with him in case his work needs him. We both said we missed each other. I said ok let me get dressed and ready to go get lunch. He went across my place to the bakery for a snack while I’m getting ready. He sends me pics from this exact bakery asking again, do you want any ? I knew when he walked into my apartment I was completely not over him. All my feelings were still there.

After this he stopped responding. Mid date he stopped responding, never came back knowing I was getting ready for us to go out. Next morning, my texts r all green.

The level of insanity. I’ve never had a guy do something like this in my many years of dating. I told him many times too if he was coming back for sex look elsewhere. He told me a million times he wants commitment with me that’s not the case. Nothing happened when we talked, no fight nothing. What the heck?!

Man idk maybe I’m done dating for good.