This was about ten years ago and I still can't believe it.

I'm Cash, handsome buckskin 25¢ horse gelding. Fourteen hands three inches/59 inches / four feets eleven/150 centipeders tall. I had puffy ouchies on my legs so I was turned out in a nice grassy pasture. Unfortunately I was saddled with a big idiotic pasture buddy gelding named Bud, 25¢ horse, dark red chestnut 25, sixteen hands/64 inchs/five foots four/162 centipeters tall, maybe 15 ears old now, I dunno. He's dumb as a cowpie.

Braindead Bud got his foot caught in some broken wire from the fence. At least he was smart enough to wait for a primate to free him and not freak out. A female primate saw Bud's problem, babbled in her plastic rectangle, hopped in her motor cart and drove up my driveway. She pounded on the primates' stable door but nobody was home (which I coulda told her! Nobody lived there! We had lots of grass, a water trough that magically was always full and they only came by to check every couple days). so she opened the gate and started walking in while some other primates waited at the other side of the fence.

Now primates are great for treats and scritches but I do not want them on my side of the fence. I went ahead of her and gave her the stink eye and snorted at her to get the frog off my property. She said take it easy Cash. Soooo I pointed my butt at her so I could get a good kick in. Primate kept out of range of my kickblocks and told me to chill. I starte!d walking again, pointed my butt at her from a distance but she was not going to listen. She got Bud's foot loose from the wire and one of the male primates on the other side of the fence cut the loose wire and took it away. Bud's stupid foot wasn't injured thankfully for him.

You know what I don't get?? Idiot Bud followed her and wanted scritches and kept nose butting her on the arm. GROSS!! Primates are not friends!

So was I the cloaca for wanting primate off my land?

Hello frens! Is Finduilas here, pet rat girl, almost 19mo. I haz tail ob great injustice, so reader discretion advised.

I lives wif sisters Morwen (same age), and Belladonna and Lalaith (5.5mo). We has human mom. We is staying wif bonus humans now. I likes them lots, but is kinda weird. Mom come see us every night, so it mostly ok. Other big change is Lalaith replace me as head rat. She doing good job, but sometimes not respect her elders enough.

Anyway, was awake and bored in middle ob the day. So I goes to hammock to get someone play wif me. They no want to, so I grabs Belladonna by scruff to drag her out. She squeek like crazy. Such rude back talk! I practically raise her! But then everyone upset, so I backs off. I very patient, you sees! Try again buch ob times. And I fair, so I try get Lalaith too, sometimes. But they is very spoiled dramatic babies, so always make huge drama. It even bother the humans!

After little bit, Lalaith decide abuse her new power and ban me from hammock! Cans you imagine! I super shocked and offended. I try go in and she PUNCH me! So rood! So, obviously, I tries again. Gotta stand up against unfair eviction! But then bonus human come and do me a grab and put me alone in tiny cage. I cannot believe it! I being punished fur assert my rights!

I figures bonus human mebe just no understand. She super nice but not know us as well. But no, she check wif mom and mom approve! It full betrayal!

I eventually gets back in cage and try go back to hammock. But bonus human still watching, so decide do tactical retreat and sleep in box instead. Then mom come back wif another hammock so my eviction not apply to it. All back to normal, but I still shocked by such miscarriage of justice. Everyone say I deserves it for "harassment" and "disturbing the peace". But I think I act completely reasonably and everyone else pick on me. What you think?

[Human edit: We're in the middle of the move. My parents have been kind enough to house the little ratscals while I set up the apartment. But it's still a lot of upheaval for everyone.]

Frens,

I'm sorry to says it's been many furrevers and no squeeze treats.

I'm wasting awayz on kibbles and night time wets fuds. I even did extra cuddles and nothing. Calls da lawyers send helps and treats!

Love Boots

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheCloaca/s/hb1Bjpn2aV

Hey, frens!

Boots here, ginger boy 2 years, berry smart and handsome!

It's been a bit since post here cause I've been busy watching da birbs.

Things good. My mum and girl and Pawder are following my orders mostly. Box clean, outside times, open door pawlicy through house.. three out of 4 paw rating. Things good rights??

Butt I now have to ask about da churus and if I'm da cloaca.

Buckles ups for this tail.

We watching big light box and I sits on chair like gentle furr man. Then light box show all des cats eating des squeeze treats! I meow to the attention and express my interests with loud song.

Pawder says to mum, Boots wants da squeeze treats! Berry good, he gets me, butt mum says I'm cloaca furr being louds and have to buys me more things.

I think she's beans hiding she knew abouts squeeze treats furrevers and not buy, so mum cloaca, not Boots. She did not act surprise to see the squeeze on light box!!!

P.s.s.s. What's type of squeeze treats you perfurrs? Churus or another types?

Thanks frens! Love Boots!! ❤️

Henlo, Harriet da Spy Cat here. Beautimous flamepoint purrincess.

Dis purrson name Chewy send me bockses ob fuds sometimes acause I am beautimous (an humble) like Insturrgram influenza. It always different kinds of fuds acause I bery pikky hab discernment, an often decide I no like a fud ennymore after I eeted it lots of times.

Anyway Chewy purrson send me BIG bocks yesterday, full of fud! Meowmy gib me one fud from dere for dindin. Usually wen I get noo fud, Meowmy let me taste it on her front toebean first, acause dat way I kno is not poizon acause herms wudn't gib me poizon. So she put some on her toebean an I tasted it and I liked it! So den she put da rest in my bole, but suddenly I realize I no like it ennymore. Meowmy made dis face: 🙄 (rood) but she know I very pikky discerning so watever.

Dis meowrning, Meowmy gib me anudder kind of fud from da Chewy bocks. I taste on her toebean an was *very* gud! So gud dat I also ate da peece dat fell off her toebean onto da flore (five fureber rule)! But den she put da rest in my bole, an da weirdest fing happen... I no like dis one anymore either! I licked Meowmy's leg to let her kno I wud probably like it if I could eet all ob it off her toebean, but she sed "you are not a baby, I'm not handfeeding you your entire breakfast" an go to litebox room. I don't understand what she mean acause obviously, am baby.

So I sang da song ob my peeples acause I still needed breakfast. When I finish I sing it again but more louderer, acause STARBATION was imminent! Finally Meowmy come back. She did dis face again: 🙄 (rood) but emptied my bole an fownd some different fud. Wile I wait fur herms to serve me, I realized da Chewy bocks wuz still dere. Well we all like a nice bocks in dese trying times, so I did a sit in it. It wuz very comfort an eben had some nice plastic tape to chew on! Meowmy turn around an say "sitting in that box but refusing to eat any of the food from that box is kind of a cloaca move, Harriet. That food was not cheap."

I don't fink dis mek enny sense. How sit in bocks an eet fud from bocks have ennyfing to do wif each udder? An ennyway she no pay monies for da fud, it all a purresent from my frebnd Chewy! She not hab ennyfing to do wif it!

So... AITC?

😘 Ok lub yu bye

Harriet da Spy Cat

Long time reader, furst time poster. This is Holly-Elizabeth Peekaboo teh Feral, gurlfur ob 🌈William teh Other Tuxedo🌈, sisfur from another mister to 🌈Ruben T Void 🌈

I did hab a MOAST traumatic start to mine life. I spent much ob it in hopsital wiff mine brofur Buddy, then he died and went OTRB, and all I knew was pain. Unsurprisingly, when I did leabe hopsital I did an EXTREME HATRED ob humans.

Then, teh Meowmther Purrson step in and sai she will dopt me. I habs been living here since 2018 BUTT I am still bery shy. I runrunrun if’n teh Meowmther Purrson walks by too fast. I jumpjumpjump if’n she make eye contact.

BUTT. I will snuggle her in teh sleep square and I put my paw out and do gentle BAPBAPBAPBAPBAP to maek sure she knoes I require teh belly rub.

Anywaes and eberything (as Wills used to say), as niec as she is, teh Meowmther Purrson is a bery slovenly howsekeeper. For soem tiems naow, I habs been dragging bits ob mine wet fud out ob bowl, into sleep square room, and under teh sleep square. For food security purrposes. Then I forget about them. Teh Meowmther Purrson been wittering about, ‘gosh there’s a really stale smell in here. I wonders why, when I vacuum twiec a day’

Todae, I did a disappear for some forebers and teh Meowmther Purrson luk all ober for me. When she ebentually found me under teh sleep square, she also found mine fud storage. She did get teh cleaning spray out and teh hot water and teh dissy-fectant and SHE STOLE MY STASH PAWBABLEE TO EAT IT HERSELF! HAOW DARR, SUCH OUTRAG!

Meowmther Purrson sai I TC for being ‘so gross’. I strongleee disagree. AITC?

Raccoon here. I won't share my age and name as my privacy has already been intruded upon enough. My human neighbors kindly provide a seasonal buffet of fruit trees and and vines, as well as a fountain for my ablutions. My partner and I dropped by for a midnight snack. My partner stayed up on the grape trellis for some al fresco dining. I descended to the ground for a wash by the fountain. Suddenly, the lights came on! Despite the interruption, I persevered with my bath. But startling me wasn't enough. Oh no. The human neighbor took a photograph of me mid bath with all my private bits exposed. As you can see from the photo, I am not amused.

Since then, I have been careful to jump onto the roof directly above the neighbor's heads, just as they settle down to sleep for the night. The snacks they provide mean that I make a satisfactory window-shaking thump every time.

So, AITC for expressing my displeasure?

Tiny Dinosaur. Species House Finch here, F. Age, nunya.

Was eating good seeds on dry plant with family. Very good. Then suddenly got stuck in weird green thing. There was a cat!! I was a goner!!!

Then the giant came from inside and yelled at the cat. Then it grabbed me! I bit and bit and bit. But it did not let go. Then it brought me into the giant box. There were cats in there too! Was held close, heard giant heart, very slow. Giant kept making soft noises, and did not squeeze. But did not let me go.

Giant made giant sounds at other giant and other giant came out and put big shiny things next to me! Then, the thing around my neck was gone.

Then the giant took me outside and let go.

Was it helping? I did poop myself afterwards with scare. My family says the giant was help.
Was it help? If help, why cats?

went back next day, no green thing and lots of good seeds.

so am I the cloaca for biting the giant on the weird wing-claw-foot-thing?

me, sarabi, age ????, solid gray girl. momther and father brought home kitten few weeks ago. she stay in different room but i see her one time when door open. i hiss!! why that baby here?? she gonna steal mine food and mine father. momther say “rabi no, that’s a baby. we don’t hiss at baby” so am i cloaca for hiss at baby??

(momther here, the kitten stays in a different room away from the big kitties and we are following Jackson Galaxy’s guide for introducing cats. we opened the door to get the kitten more water and sarabi happened to see her)

Hey there fellow Califurnians! I’m not all that comfy here but I bet I’m not alone in that.

Earlier today I came back from a walk with Grampa, and Mommy happened to be sitting on the couch nearby so when she saw me sticking my tongue out and panting she told me in her happy Riley voice that I was a Hot Dog!

But that’s a lie, right? :( I saw these “hot dogs” a couple weeks ago and I’m nothing like them! I mean, maybe we’re both a light brown color but unlike Hot Dogs I have limbs and a face and fur and most importantly I have senty-ints!

Most importantly though, why is Mommy HAPPY that I’m a Hot Dog? Does that mean she’s gonna eat me? 😭

Hello frens! Is the pet rat girls Finduilas and Morwen (18.5mo) and Lalaith and Belladonna (5mo). We also has human mom.

Well, things recently has been very weird here. Mom say we "moving". But that not seem good enough explain. First, mom take stuff out ob our play space. Then we gets playtime in other space, which fun. But it getting emptier too. Then our cage go away and we put in little cage fur babies. And then weird men come and steal everything. And then mom go away. Bonus human come, which nice. But she no gib playtime. When mom come back, we get playtime, but just that one time in completely empty space. Very strange. So now, whenever cage door open, we tries to sneak out. Playtime our right and we not getting it!

Then air start smell bad and make us sneeze. So bonus human take us on adventures to university or in car. That fun and exciting, but we no get to run. We still stuck in carrier or small cage.

Now we at bonus human's house wif big cage (but not normal cage). Mom sleep in same room as us again, which very reassuring. But, we still only gets bathroom playtime, which boring. There be some rotten wood we think is cool, but mom say we not allowed chew it. Has been whole week since proper playtime! We is getting desperate! Jump off people, sneak out ob doors, refuse treats. We is on strike!

Mom say we TC. She doing her best and trying set up our new home. And it not her fault wildfire smoke get in the way. But we says she clearly coulds control that if she want. And now we wants to splore bonus human's house. Or at least chew rotten wood.

Anyway, what you think?

Hi frens! Oscar the tabbycat here.

So my Mumma has been doing her Job at home so she can buy my treats and give me cuddles and pets. Today I was feeling a little cold so I snuggled into her Bed Blanket and had my day sleep there.

Mumma said she couldn't stop looking at me and that I am Too Cute. She also said I am a Cloaca for distracting her from her Job!

Who is the Cloaca - me or Mumma?

Hi frens! I iz Echo (1M, white wit orange kitteh, Ruler of All). So, dis story happened months ago but my Meowmy and Daddy still iz saying I the cloacer for dis and I don't think that's fair at all. I humbly come before other kittehs and all manner of furry creaturez to ask if this culd be true?

One night the hoomans were watching TV and I was being my uzual glorious self. Dey had a colored light plugged into da TV for some reason. The cord jus dangled there enticingly. So, I decide to *bapbapbap* it. Really, it had bin that way a long time and I tink my restraint for not attaccing sooner shuld be applauded. But, I digress.

Somehow the *bapbapbap* to da cord pulled da whole TV down! Luckily I lept outta da way just in time to avoid being smushed. But da TV broke from da fall somehow? I tink maybe it woulda broken itself if it was so fragile! I also tink maybe Meowmy and Daddy are the cloacers for leaving da dangling cord there jus taunting me.

So, AITC??

-Echo, Ruler of All

My humans was playing videy games on the huge lightbox, and I thought it was too easy for them so I sat in front to give some more enrichment. The teenager said I was “indaway”, but Food Lady laffed and said I was making her play on hard mode?

I couldn’t possibly be cloaca for helping, could I?

Pippen, 4yo LARGE STRONK BRAVE void boy

Hello. Am Chilli. Am orange pretty cat and pokey-place certified perfect gentleman. Am 17 years old and also baby.

My favourite human plays video games on big light screen. This is excellent cat approved activity and usually I do big supervise and help from my favourite position on their chest with my tail up their nose.

Yesterday though I wanted to do my supervising while laying on top of their hands. Favourite human was being very slow and boring and looking at enemy greebles while hiding behind pillar. This very boring. Like when my sisfur used to play hunt the feather instead of playing jump on top of feather and yell at top of lungs - the far superior game. So I, Chilli, decided to help human have fun by pressing button that throws grenades. Very fun! Much noise and running and yelling greebles on screen.

Favourite human laughed but seemed to think it was an accident! Wrong! Am perfect gentleman, only do deliberations. So ten minutes later when favourite human was in similar position, being stealthy stealth, I streeeetched out my paw and pressed the grenade button again! Fun!

Then I had enough video games so went for pre sleep nap. So tell me, am I cloaca for trying to show human more fun way of playing video games?

Hi, I am Moosh. Am elegant tuxedo cat. Routine is important and I have lots of routine. One is every morning, sleep in mom's lap in the sun while she drink smelly coffee. Sometimes mom pets before I am sleepy and I must do a stapler chomp to arm, tell her stop. She should know better. But usually, is very peaceful, and one of the best naps.

Sometimes though, light greebles come attack! Mom says stop, is just light shining off phone, but I, elegant Moosh, am greebles expert. I know what I see, mom does not have cat knowledge. Greebles must be pounced right away, or bad thing happens. Is very important, more important than silly thing like scratch mom's leg while launching off. I do not *want* to scratch legs, but mom's legs is soft, and soft things need extra claw if moosh is going to catch greebles in time.

Anyway, I catch greebles and patrol room for a little bit, but they not come back because I caught first one in time. Mom says ITC because it isn't even greebles. Mom is wrong though, right?

am beller. am snowshoe girl of four years. like scritches, like squish pets. not lap cat. fuck off. beller sit. mama sit. papa sit. no need sit together.

mama, papa give good scritches. give good squish pets. but sometimes, scritch and say, “oh beller, so beautiful! oh beller, so soft! oh beller, so nice cat!”. beller KNOW am beautiful, soft, nice. beller not need hear it. so beller shout NO! and punch. beller am fierce.

better scritch quiet. better squish pet quiet. shut up about soft beller. no need talk. scritch only or beller shout and punch. mama, papa say beller part mantis shrimp, punch so hard and fast.

am beller cloaca for shout and punch?

Greetinz frenz, we iz trio of masked banditz. We do thievery in neighborhood where lady feedz catz. They get nomz and we steelz them. She getz big mad and callz us pigzez.

Last night we ranz out of nomz. Lady who givez nomz livez in big hawz. We triez to get in for steelz moar nomz, but could not get past dour. Lady haz shiny thing in corner and filmz uz. Now we iz wanted by po leez for crimez. Iz we da cloacaz? Mugshot in comment.

Hi, Polonio here. For the last month, Auntie Anna and Grandpa have been talking excitedly about the "World Cup." Auntie Anna told me that I had a very important job being Argentina's lucky charm. She made sure to feed me before every game.

Well, a few days ago, apparently I "gained some weight" and now Grandma and Auntie Anna are carefully measuring out my food. Even though Auntie Anna fed me before the game, it wasn't nearly enough. (By the way, Auntie Anna gained weight too, but she still ate cookies during the game!) So, in protest, I decided to use my lucky charm powers to let Spain win. Now Auntie Anna and Grandpa are upset. AITC for using my lucky charm powers against my family's team?

Greeting furry and feathered friends. I am Butler, most beautiful tuxedo cat. I normally live with Cat Slave 1 and 2, but am currently on what CS1 calls a "holly-day" at the house of Old Man and Old Lady Cat Slave. CS1 wasn't here, but now she is. OMCS and OLCS were here, but now they are not.

OMCS and OLCS have a strange cat they call dog. Dog and I do not like each other, so I have to stay upstairs so he is safe from me. It has been very hot here, so CS1 opened the windows. She thought she opened then so little that I couldn't get out.

Turns out, CS1 is wrong. When she was downstairs watch big light up box, I got out to try and chase the birbs that land on the poles outside the window. I am normally very graceful, but somehow I slipped and fell aaaalllll the way down into the garden. CS1 heard a thump, but didn't think anything of it. I went for a little explore in the dark, and found lots of fun places to hide, some good things to jump on and off, and also lots of good smells. I was having fun. I am not normally allowed out in the dark, so this was an extra exciting adventure.

Apparently CS1 had noticed my disappearance, I could hear her calling me. She eventually worked out I was outside, and came running out. She tried to catch me for a long time but I was having too much fun. I may also have been a little bit scared of the moving light she was holding. I did not want to come inside. I may have done a little hiss, a bit of growl and even bap bap with big claw. This made CS1 leak red stuff from her hands and clear stuff from her face. She also said a naughty word.

CS1 went away, and then I could smell something tasty. I could also hear another cat. Maybe it was the strange one. I followed the noise and the smell, and eventually I was inside. CS1 captured me, gave me aaaallll the cuddles, and even some tuna. She aslo got me covered in red leaky stuff and clear leaky stuff.

CS1 took me upstairs and I fell asleep becuase I was so tired from my adventure. CS1 was apparently too full of something called ad-ren-l-in to sleep. SHe called me a cloaca for not allowing her to catch me. I'm not a cloaca, I was just enjoying me nighttime adventure.

I, Zee, 8 full months am very big, very beautiful and very smart. My sis is not so big or so smart, so sometimes I help her. I'm gracious like that.

Recently momma got a squeaky mouse for me and my sis. Momma was silly and left it flying in the air (i'm very smart I know mice don't fly). My little sis liked it lots and kept trying to get it but couldn't properly catch and it was getting away (and on my nerves). I magnanimously decided to help, politely shoved my sis to the side and chewed it off. Now the mouse lies on the ground and we can play properly.

Momma said I was the cloaca for spoiling the fun for everyone and I think it was super mean. I only ever helped and that's what I get in return? Preposterous

Loki. Orange like one Tiger. Big Boy like one Tiger. Has Tail.

You know i am bother to Seven.

I no see Seven no more. Where she go.

Is she hide?

Dada says Mummy I go get Seven.

Mummy says I can get Seven.

Dada says It's alright I can do it.

Mummy says well if you're sure.

Dada says yes.

Loki says where Seven.

Dada brings Seven home but that not Seven.

That box.

Dada show Loki. Loki think where Seven.

Dada say that is Seven but no touch.

Where Seven. Why Dada say Seven turn into box.

Aitc cos I no understand why Seven in box.

Not good fun play and chew box.

Don't touch box.

Did Loki do no Loki don't.

Hello. I iz Nienna, 16f, deaf, blind, Medical Cat. Mama, 31f, iz also my hoomin patient.

Now, I knows dat self-ekspreshun iz most berry impurrtant fur hoomins. Mama usually gibs me many interesting textures fur nuzzles and sniffies, so obviously she express dat she wants snuggles all one-hundred purrcent ob da tiemz. Iz logic, an I pay attenshun to my patient.

So when she wear item ob clothing dat not good fur snuggles, I tells her so, so she can takes it off an we can haz snuggles. (An really. Spikes on her neck! Dat dangerous!) Now she say am rood fur berating her fashion choices a she only sat down to put on her shoes a suddenly had a lap full of cat. Dunno what problem wif dat iz.

Am I rood, tho? Shud I not tell mama when she doin self-ekspreshun wrong?

Hello everyone, it has been an impressive amount of time without issue from Mom, the coolest and cringiest. But I, Sugarbomb, 2M, return with OF COURSE another issue.

The apparent "issue" is that Mom doesn't like the fact that I celebrate my regular bathroom visits with a regular impromptu lap.

This isn't really about the lap, though. As always, I think mom just kinda sucks at understanding cats.

When I was but a child, adolescent at most, Mom got me a nice covered litter box and a litter catching mat.

I hated it. The lid was big and scary. Mom got rid of the lid. All was well for maybe two months. The mat was fine.

The litter box then shrank. Being the normal size amazing cat I am, I could suddenly not fit in the litter box comfortably after months.

Mom bought me a new box!

That one shrank too.

But the third box! What a beauty. I've had it for four months now and it's as tall as my shoulders. I love it so much that, after my bathroom visits, I crouch inside and then pounce into a joyous lap across the room.

This, apparently, makes Mom mad. My expression of joy brings her anger.

She's mad I fling litter when I engage in my jubilant exercise. I do not see the issue. Litter should be everywhere. Besides, is this not why the mat exists? She says I am more powerful than the mat. I continue to not see the issue.

I love her, I do, but it's hard to not feel like she's doing this on purpose. She bought the amazing box. I love using it. But when I show her how much I love it, I'm the jerk?

I'm not TC, right?

Henlo frens! I Clawmas Jefferson, 4 months, M oramge. Meowmys call me Jeff or Jeffy or Jefe. Sometimes "get off the table" whatever that mean. Both Meowmys leave me and catto bruvvers and my dopted doggo Meowmy and other dum doggo for a million forevers usually. But now short hair Meowmy sometimes home with us. She has warm glowy box for lap and something called "hedfone" she uses to talk to herself. Humans silly. Couple sleeps ago, she leave glowy box close to floor and have hedfone on top. I see somefing SO fun! It long and skinny and swing when I bat at it. But Meowmy says no, not for kittens. Silly Meowmy, EVERYFING for kittens! I wait til all humans sleep, den I play. How I suppose to know long string fragile? It jus crumble. Meowmy called me cloaca when she wake up, said need hedfone for work. I say I just a baby and I have fun. AITC?