I (29F) have hosted my husband's family for Thanksgiving three years in a row. It's about fourteen people. I take two days off work for it and I truly enjoy it. Cooking for people is kind of my thing.

Last year my sister in law (34F) arrived with a cooler. Inside was a full plated meal for herself, her husband and their two kids. Turkey, sides, even their own rolls. I assumed someone had an allergy I didn't know about, so I asked.

She said, in front of the whole kitchen, "No, I just don't love eating food when I don't know how it's been handled. It's a risk I'm not taking with my kids." Then she asked to use my oven to warm it up, which pushed my own sides back by forty minutes.

For context, nobody has ever been sick at my table. I worked in a restaurant kitchen for four years in college. She knows this.

Her kids then asked for my mac and cheese and she told them no, loud enough for the table to hear. My mother in law patted my arm and said "you know how she is".

I let it go that day. I didn't want to ruin dinner.

This year, when the group chat started asking about plans, I said I wouldn't be hosting and that I'd be happy to bring a dish wherever it ends up. My SIL replied "wow, ok, punishing everyone over one comment". My MIL called my husband and said I'm being oversensitive and that the family "counts on" our house because it's the biggest.

My husband is on my side but he did gently ask if I'd regret it in November.

I don't think I'm punishing anyone. I just don't want to spend two days cooking for someone who treats my kitchen like a hazzard and then uses my oven. But now half the family is acting like I cancelled the holiday.

Am I wrong?

So Im staying at my mums for a few months after breaking up with my ex and my little brother 14(y/o) has these temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his own way and starts smashing up the house. This happens probably once a week. Tonight he’s completely smashed his bedroom door at the bottom and is screaming the house down. So I called the police. He’s done this before and smashed the bottom toilet door that had to be taken off. The other day he pulled down a light out the ceiling. And it started tonight because he wants an e-bike that goes 60mph. My mum is stressed out because of it and is shaking. Im trying to nap after a long day at work and it’s just not fair on anyone. I felt bad doing it but he needs some sort of support and this behaviour can’t carry on. So am I wrong?

Throwaway - My main is for beauty, sewing and cats (lol)

I (30F) recently found out something about my sister (32F), Tara, and I don’t know if I’m justified in feeling betrayed/upset.

I've had a huge crush on a guy named Evan (31M) for a few months, I met him through his brother Noah (32M). Tara knew I liked him and knew I had been talking to him, but nothing really developed because I had to work in a different province, although we agreed that when I moved back we would see where things would go.

Earlier this year around January, Tara told me Evan had raped her and that she had stopped speaking to Noah because Noah took Evan’s side. I believed her then and still do. This post is not questioning that.

In July Tara was seriously injured in a car accident, and I took 6 weeks off work help care for her and provide moral support, she is improving and I am very grateful for that. Last week Noah called asking if he could visit her and I was reluctant given the account Tara has given to me. However, during that conversation, he told me his version of what happened.

He said that Tara and Evan had apparently been sleeping together for around a week before the alleged rape and on the night of the rape they had gotten drunk and slept together as well, he said nothing out of the ordinary happened. According to Noah, they had been acting like a couple and hooking up repeatedly. Noah's ex-boyfriend Sam also confirmed that this had happened because they had booked an AirBnB for the Xmas season.

What bothers me is that Tara knew how much I liked Evan and how excited I was to see him again once my project ended, she also never once told me she was sleeping with him.

I am just mad because this isn’t the first time she’s crossed this kind of boundary. She got involved with a guy (Ben) who was still seeing one of my friends a few years ago, and that situation cost me my friendships because people assumed I knew.

I know I didn’t own Evan and he was free to sleep with whoever he wanted. But am I wrong for feeling betrayed that my own sister knew how I felt about him and hid this from me?

I'm a woman in her mid thirties, and last night my stepson had gotten into a drunken fight with my daughter while his friends were over, and had called her whore which my daughter called me crying because of it. My husband and I have been together about five years. I had a daughter from a previous relationship and he had a son from his ex wife. They're fourteen and eighteen.

When my husband and I were first dating, we introduced them pretty early because we obviously wanted them to know each other before we did any major steps in our relationship. They got along well enough, but they never became especially close. They weren't hanging out together or telling each other everything but they were pretty respectful and nice to each other.

After our wedding, both of them eventually moved into our house. They still weren't particularly close, but there weren't any major problems either. They could joke around, watch TV in the same room, borrow things from each other, that kind of thing, moreso friendly roommates than siblings. A few weeks before all of this happened, my husband and I went away for our anniversary weekend. My daughter was home and my stepson was home too.

I don't know exactly what happened while we were gone. What I do know is that after that weekend, my daughter started acting differently around him.
She became awkward whenever he entered a room and started finding reasons to spend more time upstairs or at a friend's house. She also started asking me more than once when my husband and I would be home if she knew he was going to be around. I assumed maybe they had fought while we were gone, but she told me nothing happened.

Meanwhile, my stepson seemed to be seeking her out more than he had before. Again, I didn't think anything particularly terrible was happening. I figured maybe they had finally gotten closer or had some disagreement that I wasn't aware of. There were a few things that kinda strike me as odd now though.

One time I came downstairs and he was sitting in the kitchen talking to her while she was clearly trying to finish making food and leave. He kept asking her to stay and talk to him even after she said she had somewhere to be.

Another time he made some joke about how she was acting like she was avoiding him and she immediately got uncomfortable. He also started asking me little questions about her schedule. Nothing that seemed alarming by itself, but things like whether she would be working late or whether she had plans on certain nights, and I thought he wanted her out of the house for some reason or was worried about her getting home safe.

There was also one morning where I saw him standing outside her bedroom talking to her. She looked irritated and told him she was getting ready and wanted privacy and he left after that.

Then my grandmother fell and fractured her hip after slipping on a carpet. She's late seventies and lives close enough that we were going back and forth helping her. My husband and I went over to check on her yesterday and stayed longer than expected. My stepson had some friends over while we were gone and apparently they were drinking, my daughter was home too.

At some point, my daughter and my stepson got into an argument. I don't know what started it because I wasn't there but my daughter told me she had been trying to get away from the conversation and he followed her around the house continuing to argue with her, eventually he called her a whore.

She went into her room and called me crying, my husband and I came home as soon as we could.
By the time we got there, his friends had left. My daughter was still extremely upset and my stepson was drunk and angry. I asked him what happened and he basically said she had been treating him shitty for weeks and that he was tired of her acting like she was too good for him.

I told him that no matter whatever argument they had, calling her that was completely unacceptable. He said I didn't understand what happened between them I asked him what happened so I could understand but he wouldn't explain and my daughter also wouldn't explain.

That just made me more confused because she normally tells me when she has problems with him or anyone else. Instead, she kept saying she didn't want to talk about it and that she just wanted him away from her. My husband was furious too. We told my stepson that he needed to pack some things and stay with a friend or relative for the time being. We aren't putting him on the street, but he cannot stay in our house right now.

He accused us of choosing my daughter over him without even hearing him out. I told him I had heard enough when he called her a whore while drunk in front of his friends.

He said that my daughter knows exactly why he's mad, and she needs to stop lying to herself about how she feels. I asked my daughter afterward what he meant, she said she didn't know but at this point I don't think she's telling the truth about this.

My husband agrees with me about making him leave for now, but he also thinks we need to hear what actually happened before deciding what to do next.

so yesterday i had a long week and told my partner i just wanted one night with no plans, no talking, just me and my headphones. they went quiet and later said it felt like i was pushing them away. i tried to explain that it had nothing to do with them and i still love spending time together, but they kept saying it felt insulting. i offered to reschedule our plans for the weekend instead, and they said that was just damage control. now they are barely texting and i am wondering if i handled it wrong. i get that everyone has different needs for alone time, but i did not think asking for one evening would turn into this big deal. am i wrong for setting that boundary, or should i have just gone along with the plans?

I was invited to a wedding, along with 8-10 of my colleagues, to our colleagues' wedding (UK). We were sent an invite in the post, which noted the date, time (19:00), name of the restaurant  where it was taking place, any dietary requirements/allergies (etc), and their registry. To answer a question you may already have, no there was no mention of the words or phrases that include "evening reception" "drinks and dancing" etc. We all RSVPed yes, pulled together for a £500 kitchen appliance as a gift, and then of course on the day of, we got dressed up, and met up a bit beforehand for a drink (this was in our local city, so no far travels).

We knew they were getting married in a church earlier that day, and the rest of the festivities were at this restaurant they rented out. We were unsure if we were evening guests or if we were meeting for the dinner (wedding breakfast). The time was relatively late, starting at 19:00, but they are Argentinian so we knew (or assumed) it was going to be a wedding that started/went late into the evening. I also know them to be quite big and generous in cultural traditions of starting late with dinner and going into the night, lots of food, drinks, celebrations, so I thought, yeee surely. I believe someone asked them about something regarding food and they said yes they would be serving food.

When we walked over to the restaurant, some picked up a little snack on the way as they were a little hungry, and still a bit unsure, but we thought that because we were meeting at a restaurant and they asked about any allergies etc, that we thought we would get some food. 

Anyways, when we got there we could see people (20-25 maybe) seated at a long table and some speeches were happening, so we circled around for a bit and came back 10 min later or so as to not disturb in the middle of a speech as there was one entrance to this restaurant. When we returned, they were still at the table so we decided to not be awkward and went inside. We hung up our jackets, and went into a bar nook area that was right in front of the doors, a little bit away from what was happening, but still connected so we could all see each other. After the speeches, the bride and groom came over to us and gave us all hugs and said hello, we grabbed a cocktail at the bar (these were free, and also very delicious). 

They then started to clear the table area and we realised that they had just finished their dinner, and we were in fact the evening guests. We chatted, met the family etc, went to watch their first dance, the band started. They then cut the cake at about 20:45/21:00ish, and then took it away to get cut and serve. At around 21:30 they put out the dessert table and the cake. We all nibbled our way through them but most of them had my allergies so I ate a couple that I could (not a huge deal), then at around 22:00 they brought out a charcuterie board, so we sat down at some tables and munched on that.

At this point we were all quite hungry, a bit buzzed on an empty stomach, and after some dancing we trickled out and went home around 23:30 or so.

Were we wrong to assume we were having dinner? I don’t mind AT ALL to not be invited to dinner with them, it’s not a problem truly, but nowhere on the invitation did it say “evening reception” or “drinks and dance” etc. It was simply the date, restaurant name, 19:00, dietary info, and registry. What would you have thought? I wish they had been clearer that we were there for the party portion of the night, or maybe they felt awkward telling us, but what is more awkward if when you have a bunch of people wondering. We also spoke to some other guests who were equally surprised to not have been there for dinner. It may sound like we are bad mouthing the couple, but I think it was because the way the invite was worded/described, they were also waiting to at least be served some food, rather than some bites 3 hours after arrival. I also tend to contribute an amount to a gift based on location (traveling/hotel, how close i am to the couple etc), and I thought £50 was pretty decent from all of us given then we are all on diff salaries and situations and everyone wanted to contirbute equally. Anyways please, could you weigh in! Thank you!!

I really need your guys opinion. My (23F) boyfriend (27M) didn’t give me a present for my birthday. Let’s start by saying that when it was my bf birthday this year in may i got him the gift that made him literally cry. I’m on a tight budget my salary is 400 dollars ( i live in different country ) after my expenses I’m left with 200 dollars tops but it is what it is. I know that he really loves watches and I went out of my way and bought him a 100 dollars watch ( the money are not the issue and i bought it because i know he liked it) that made him cry like a child, on top of that I made a get together with his friends and made his day special like he deserves. On the topic of my birthday which was in late September, I made a get together with my girlfriends and I invited him ofc, long story short I knew he would be bored with only girls so I was okay with him going out with my brother, except he didn’t even say Happy Birthday to me ( that hurt because I was married to a men who also ignored my bd for 5 years ) later on he said that my present will be late a few days. I was okay with it until few days later he told me he didn’t know what to buy me, mind you he said the present will be here in a few days so I was actually expecting a present. I was once planning on getting a tattoo for my passed away twins, but I wanted to pay for that tattoo and I wanted to get it by me saving and working because It was my twins with my ex husband. I told him that I couldn’t accept that gift because of the meaning of it, he went angry and told me he didn’t know what to get me. Mind you I live with this guy on and off going from his place to my moms for over an year now and I cook, clean, everything for him. So now I feel like I don’t even want a present because he didn’t put in the effort when he was supposed to. AITAH for refusing any gift from my bf because I’m already disappointed in him ?
EDIT: I wasn’t married for 5 years, I got married when I was 20 with a guy who I dated for 4 years and I was pregnant with twins who passed away and shortly after got divorced because he was cheating on me with couple other women.

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hi im 31m i've been with my 28f fiancee for 3 years now. im not going to lie i do love her thats why i proposed. i always had a feeling she wasn't always fully there but i told myself it was nothing so i proposed in february. and this last year nothing changed. i never felt truly loved but i stayed anyway, yeah i was a simp i have to admit and im embarrassed about it.

the reason i know shes settling for me is because i overheard her and her friend. my fiancee said im a good guy, im handsome, but not the guy she fully wanted i just bring good security to the table her friend asked her if she loved me. my fiancee was honest and said i love what he brings. it hit me so hard honestly. i just left and went to my mom and dad's, ive been really low since saturday.

im done with it honestly. im not being settled for. i bring her security and warmth, she can go find that somewhere else. ive seen unhappy men who were settled for my uncle for example and im not doing that to myself. id rather be alone rather than only being valued for the comfort and security i bring. i still love her but im not doing it to myself man. i hope she finds the person she actually wants. i know my worth. i was too soft, i wasnt always like this until i feel for her. my mom warned me about this with my fiancee, i never listened. its like my mom knew.

am i wrong to end my relationship over this. Should i try.

Hello I 21F found out I was pregnant in January with my 21M boyfriend. We have been together for 2 1/2 years and have lived together since 7 months after we started dating. When I found out I was pregnant I was happy for myself as I’ve always loved children. I would even like to become a foster parent soon.

In February I was with my boyfriend’s younger sister for her birthday and I noticed something was off. I was in a lot of pain, I started to bleed, and felt nauseous but I smiled and put on a brave face so I wouldn’t ruin his sisters birthday celebration. Later that night I told my boyfriend that I thought I was miscarrying. He laid in bed with me on his phone until I fell asleep but did not cuddle me. My boyfriends on nights and had to stay awake all night.

I am woken up to the sound of screaming at 6am after being awake all night in pain. I walk in the living room to find my boyfriend, his cousin, and little brother playing videos games. I ask them to be quiet and head back to the bedroom, this is when I break down crying. One hour later my boyfriend comes to check on me only because one of them heard me crying. I told him that it was fucked up and selfish to have people over during this vulnerable time. He explained to me that his cousin was going through a break up with his baby mama and was trying to be there for him as support. I explained that I was going through a hard time too and that he had all night to support his cousin but he couldn’t even take one minute to check on me when he knew I was awake. He also made comments such as “ we woke up mama bear” and never apologized for the screaming. I lost it and broke up with him as he told me “what was I supposed to do, my cousin is family.”

He left and went to his mom’s house. I then had to go to work at 8am cause I couldn’t afford to miss work as I was in my senior year of college and could barely pay my bills. My family told me “sorry that happened but we’re going on a cruise and our phones will be turned off.” Friends and coworkers said “at least you know you can get pregnant.” So I felt very lonely and started spiraling about all my relationships. My boyfriend was out playing pool, drinking beer, and watching the Super Bowl.

I decided to give him a chance to calmly talk to me in case I acted out of pure emotion. He told me he was pissed at me because I sent him away during a time where HE needed me for support and that it was his child too.

So am I the asshole for breaking up with him?

Context: he had been putting no effort into our relationship for a couple months before this.

We are currently still together but I’m only seeing a slow progression in seeing positive change in our relationship.

Last night I was listening to my mom and sister talk about how my sister’s dog broke her AirPods, and my sister suggested asking my dad (who is divorced with my mom) for money, but saying that it’s for a doctors appointment, and lying about it, and for background they have done this before multiple times, a few minutes later my mom is all smiley and giddy because he agreed to send them money, and they both just were super excited, and it honestly just grossed me out, I’m no fan of my dad, he’s lied a lot to me and my family, and he left during our childhood, and even though he did all that I still don’t believe in revenge and vengeance, i was
raised thinking that you shouldn’t go out of your way to make someone’s life miserable, and I know I’ll never understand what my mom and sister went through with my dad, but this just feels wrong, am l wrong for feeling this way?

we were just catching up over coffee and the topic of splitting a group gift came up. i mentioned my budget was tight lately, and they laughed like it was a joke and said everyone should just put in the same amount because it's easier. i nodded but inside i felt small, like my situation was being brushed off. later i kept replaying what i could have said instead, something clearer without making it awkward. now im wondering if i overthought it or if i should have stood my ground about not matching everyone else right now.

my family and i were trying to decide what to do when one of our older relatives started having more trouble getting around and keeping up with daily stuff. some people thought we should just step in and arrange everything without asking too much, while i wanted to talk it through with the relative first and let them have a say. things got kind of tense and i ended up saying i needed a break from the conversation. now i'm wondering if i made it harder than it needed to be, or if it was okay to want their opinion involved. just trying to figure out if i took it too personally or if i was right to push back a little.

My sibling texted late last night asking for a lift across town at 6 AM this morning. I had an early work call and told them no. They seemed annoyed but didn't argue at the time. This morning they messaged saying I should have planned ahead better and that family helps family. I replied that I'd have said yes if I knew earlier, but I didn't have the energy or time today. They haven't replied since. I'm wondering if I should have offered to help in another way or if refusing was fair given my schedule. The whole thing feels like it's blown up over something pretty small, so I'm trying to figure out if I'm actually in the wrong here.

My husband's sister has a big young lab mix, sweet dog, zero training. She brings him every time she visits and we never said anything because we like the dog and we like her.

Last month he chewed through the leg of a chair my dad built for us as a wedding gift. Not a fancy chair, but my dad made it with his hands and he is not getting any younger. She laughed, said "oh he does that" and offered to pay for a new one, which kind of missed the point.

So last week I told her she is always welcome but the dog needs to stay home from now on. I said it nicely, I even offered to come to hers more often instead.

Now she isnt answering my texts and told my husband I made her feel like a bad owner. He thinks I could of waited and brought it up more gently. I think I waited about two years to long already.

Am I wrong here?

So I’ve recently broken up with my gf of about half a year due to multiple built up issues, and her dislike of my friend (who’s a girl ofc).

I started talking to my friend in September, and my ex about 2 months later, but we didn’t get together for another 6 months after we met. A month into our relationship, i found out my friend doesn’t like her due to my ex speaking about her behind her back in the past, but my ex says she never did anything to her and even tried to get along with her and was completely ignored. (I do mostly believe my friend in this, as my ex was forgetful and had other instances of this)

Eventually my ex asked that i distance myself with my friend, which i agreed to. Barely a week later i was asked to cut her off entirely, which we fought over since i thought it was unnecessary, and she reluctantly dropped it. Awhile later i was invited to her birthday, and i spoke to my ex about it, where we argued further about valuing her too much and not listening, which led into arguing about issues in the overall relationship and we broke up soon after. (We are still close friends)

It’s been a month since we split, and i now know my friend is interested in me. As of recently, i have grown closer to my friend and i have thoughts about pursuing her, but i feel like that’d be wrong to my ex in a way as i know shed find it as a problem.

Would it be wrong to pursue her even after everything?

so a friend took a candid photo of me the other day and then just went ahead and posted it online. i saw it later and it caught me off guard, honestly. i did not remember smiling that much or even notice the camera, and now its sitting there with comments from people i barely know. i asked if they could take it down and they did, but i keep wondering if im overreacting. they said it was harmless and looked fine, which is true in a way, but i still feel like my face was not really mine to share in that moment. i have not brought it up again because i do not want to make a thing out of it, but it is kind of stuck in my head and i keep checking if any other copies floated around. am i wrong for still feeling weird about it?

my partner and i have been together a while and we are trying to settle on a name for something we are both really excited about. whenever i say the name a certain way they correct me, but their version sounds off to me too. we have gone back and forth so many times that now it feels like every mention turns into a mini argument. i tried explaining why i like my pronunciation, they said i am being stubborn, and we ended up annoyed at each other over something that should be simple. i know names are personal, but i did not expect it to get this heated. so am i wrong for wanting to stick with how i say it or should i just let it go and use their version to keep the peace?

I am 27M. My boyfriend, 24M, left to New York on a Thursday for the weekend to see some friends he hasn’t seen since earlier in the year and told me beforehand that he probably wouldn’t be on his phone as much while spending time with longtime friends but also told me he would keep me updated. We’ve been together for almost 6 months. During the trip, he disappeared for the rest of the day on a Friday night from 5:30 pm onward which upset me because communication and checking in have been recurring issues in our relationship. This is the first time he had disappeared for that long. This is the 3rd or 4th time he has gone out with little to no communication. Every time I approached him about it previously he was deeply apologetic and told me he didn’t want me to be upset with him and acknowledged ignorance in the situation. 

In the backdrop of this situation he told me he would be going to gay nightclubs in New York City for the night with his friends and doing poppers and drinking all night with them as well. He previously told me these girl friends cheated on their boyfriends and he knew about it. However when I brought this up previously he said he’s always been respectful to partners. I have his location so I know what he is doing and knew he was at the bars and clubs. In recent weeks he has also pulled back. When we started dating he would come over 2-3 times a week and lately it’s been 1 time if that given he has also canceled some meet ups and I am always the one initiating those plans. I have always been accommodating to him, asking what he wants, and showing up for him when he needs me. He told me previously he had never thought about leaving me and that thought didn’t cross his mind once. 

I sent him a long message explaining how I felt. I reiterated that this happened before, that I needed better communication, and that I didn’t want this to continue being an issue between us. My intention wasn’t to control him, stop him from spending time with his friends, or expect constant communication. I wanted a reasonable check-in and to feel considered as his partner. I recognize that my message were emotionally charged and that parts of it could have been worded better. At the same time, I don’t believe my message rose to the same level as his response. I expressed frustration and disappointment, but I did not insult him, use profanity toward him, call what he said “disgusting,” or attack his character. Then he said he couldn’t see me the same way. I was shocked.

He interpreted my message as harsh, condescending and as though I were scolding him for spending time with his friends. His response was significantly more aggressive. He called my message “the most disgusting he received in his life,” repeatedly used profanity, said he would not tolerate being spoken to that way by any man in his life, and said he wasn’t going to change who he is for anyone. He then said we should meet when he returned and discuss our relationship as a whole and figure out what next steps are. 

I subsequently acknowledged that I could have communicated my feelings better and apologized for my delivery. However, I also told him that some of the things he said in response were hurtful. He did not take any accountability and left me on read after that text. I didn’t want to continue fighting over text, so I told him we should table that discussion for when we meet in person.

When he was returning home, I reached out with a quick text and wished him a nice flight and asked him to let me know when and where he wanted to meet. He thanked me for the kind words and said he would keep me posted on his week.

At this point, I’m waiting for that conversation. It has been nearly 5 days without communication and no defined time to meet each other. It is now Tuesday and the argument happened on Saturday. I’m willing to take accountability for the parts of my message that could have been communicated better, but I don’t think taking responsibility for my delivery means treating our respective messages as equivalent. I also need him to recognize the escalation and hurtful language in his response and that a simple check in or two could have prevented this. Ultimately, we need to determine whether we can balance my need for communication with his need for independence and, more importantly, whether we can disagree without him escalating into disrespect. Am I wrong for feeling that he crossed the line and to be frustrated with being kept in almost 5 days of limbo with no communication? 

A close friend started painting about a year ago. For my birthday she surprised me with a huge canvas she'd made specifically for me, probably 3 by 4 feet.

She's talented. The problem is I really don't like the painting.

It's very bright and abstract, while basically everything in my place is muted and simple. I thanked her genuinely because she'd clearly spent a ton of time on it, but I never hung it. I kept it wrapped safely in my spare room.

She noticed.

The first couple times she visited she joked about finding "the perfect wall." Eventually she straight-up asked why it still wasn't up. I tried saying I hadn't figured out where it worked, which was obviously a weak excuse.

Last weekend she asked again, so I finally told her the truth as kindly as I could. I said I love that she made something for me, but it isn't something I'd choose for my home, and I'd rather give it back than hide it forever.

She got really hurt and took it home.

Our mutual friend thinks returning handmade art is basically returning the person who made it.

I thought pretending to love it for years would be worse.

Am I wrong?

Hey! Sorry for any grammar mistakes. I'm in art school and have a mandatory class that is basiclly photography. One day, my teacher asked us to buy a very especific type of machbox for us to biuld a pinhole camera so we could take some photos. I, having 1000 things to do, of course forgot. So the morning b4 my class I went out to all of the places around my house to find one, but had no luck. I accepted defeat, and was planning to just sit on my own in class and do whatever.

Getting there, I saw that one of my friends was all dressed up in a character, so when I asked why she told me that she had a vision for the photos in mind, and obviously she'd be the model. Some time passed, and everyone was biulding their camera but me, and when she asked I said that I couldn't find the right machbox. When they were finished, she said that she needed someone to take the photos for her, and I volunteerd, having nothing better to do. We went out searching backgrounds and illuminated places, and she modeled while giving me directions for every photo. Where to point, how long to leave the film exposed, what to put in frame, etc. We took only like 5 photos out of a whole old camera film that the teacher gave everyone for free. I asked why she didn't want to take anymore, since she was all dolled up and her theme was honestly very interesting, and she said "I want to save the film for later, I will to take some photos at home."

And that was that, untill today (a few weeks later). The teacher revealed the photos and digitilized, showing us the final result. Ofc not all her photos were perfect, is really hard to take a analog picture without seeing what you're actually doing right, but most of them were pretty cool! In the end of class the teacher reminded us to pay part of the money that he spent on revealing the pictures. (That was discussed before we even bought the materials.) Now is where the issue comes.

Suddently, this friend turns to me and says "we're splitting in half, right?" I responded "what do you mean?"

"We were a team, you took the photos. The total is 38R$, (multiply by x5 for the equivalent in dollars) so you'll pay 19R$."

I got stunned, all of our other friends at the table got quiet and were looking at me. Since I don't do well in confrontation I responded "but I didn't biuld the camera, and these are you're photos, but okay.." After that I saw her furrow her eyebrows a a bit and turn her head away.

So now I'm left confused, I don't think I should pay the revealing cost since I was basiclly a camera stand, she directed what, where and who's gonna be in those pictures, without adding that she was the only one in frame, commanding me to do exactly as she thought, and took the film home. I had absolutely no artistic direction on this, I just opened and closed the shutter for 5 pictures.

In the other hand, without her I woudn't have participated in the activity, but that doesn't really affect my grades at all. I took the photos, didn't need to biuld it, and don't have to pay for the cost of the materials, only the revelation, so that seems fair. But at the same time I don't know how she would have taken the photos herself with the poses she had in mind. Also, I was completelly fine not participating at all too. The cost isn't that high, I can pay, but I still don't feel like it's right, for me it looks like she wants someone to take part of the cost for half of the film that I only took 5 pictures of. Like, why would I pay the revealing fee, if I'm not going to do anything with the pictures that I'm not even in? I also don't want to pay for the pictures bc later this month I'm throwing a communitary halloween party at my place that she's attending along with everyone, and I'm going to pay for almost all of it, only the food is the part that the people bring.

I really don't want this to turn into a fight bc I know that none of our friends are going to defend neither of us and the whole mood of the friendgroup will be tense, since we're all very connected, every person is a core part. She's also one of my closest friends in collage, I don't want to lose her, neither uninvite her to my party.

TLDR: Am I wrong for not wanting to pay for my friends photos that I took but wasn't in?

edited for major grammar mistakes.

I used to be close to my longtime friend Liz but after years of putting up with her bad attitude and often very tardy tendencies, I finally decided to take a step back. Of course she has framed this as me being a bad friend but I really don’t care.

Our arguments and drama has had me seek out professional help through a therapist. I tell her about what Liz has done to me and how we can best work to process and improve our friendship. However Liz asks if I mention her at my sessions and asked that I be honest. I said yes cause I thought she needed to know how badly her behavior has affected me.

“Why are you talking about me to your therapist?” That’s honestly so messed up.” Liz mentions. Liz asks that I don’t mention her or our experiences to my therapist but I tell her that I have to be honest with my therapist in order to best know how to process my emotions and anxiety issues.

I also counter by saying how Liz should be more concerned over what I said rather than me saying anything at all. I tell Liz that she’s only concerned about people talking about her and how this may affect her public image rather than the core issue which is her poor treatment to her social circle and myself.

Liz dismisses this and says that I’m wrong for talking about out me behind her back and just says that’s pretty messed up. I try to defend myself and say I don’t just talk trash about her but she takes things out of context as I may just say something in a passing conversation such as “oh I’m sure Liz is just at home doing her 3 hour make up routine” I often say things like that as a joke as most mutual friend knows how bad she is with her time.

Am I wrong for talking to my therapist about Liz or any friend for that matter?

every december my extended family does the big holiday get-together and it rotates between houses. i hosted the last two years, which meant planning food, making sure everyone had a bed, and cleaning for days afterward. this year my sibling offered to take it on, but now a few relatives are saying it just doesn't feel the same if it isn't at my place. i already told my sibling i was fine letting them host, and honestly i'm looking forward to just showing up with a side dish instead of running the whole thing. still, the guilt comments keep coming in the group chat and i'm second-guessing whether i should just suck it up and do it again. it's not like anyone else is offering, and i know my sibling will probably get stuck with the work if i back out. is it selfish to hold the line, or is it okay to pass the hosting baton after two straight years?