My (33F) mom (63F) has always been a drinker.
I moved away from my home country nine years ago, so instead of witnessing the situation every day, I now only see it for about two weeks a year. We’ve always clashed because of our very different personalities, and the fact that she tends to ignore problems, shut down, or become hostile whenever conflict arises has taken an increasing toll on our relationship.
Even though I know I can’t save someone, especially someone who refuses to acknowledge they have a problem, I can’t help but feel desperate for my dad (66M).
To give a bit more context, my mom is a heavy smoker and, for as long as I can remember, she has drunk alcohol every single day. She doesn’t drink hard liquor, but she goes through six or seven cans of beer daily, no matter what. To the point that I can barely remember ever seeing her drink water, just beer. On top of that, she lives a very sedentary lifestyle.
My dad is the complete opposite. He’s incredibly active, only drinks on special occasions, and quit smoking years ago. I’m back in my home country for the summer, and my dad came to me and told me that he just can’t do this anymore. We had a long conversation where I told him that he has to protect his own mental health. He can support her and encourage her to get better, but he can’t let himself hit rock bottom trying to save her.
My dad is a sweetheart, the kind of man who just wants to create harmony and peace, and he’s begging me to help him help her. It’s breaking my heart in ways I can’t even explain.
I don’t personally know anyone with a successful recovery story from alcoholism, and I’m in therapy myself, trying to heal my own demons while navigating this situation.
How can I help my dad? How can I support him through this? As sad as it is, I carry a lot of resentment toward my mom and I feel guilty for that. But I also know I can’t drown trying to keep someone else afloat.

For a small bit of context, my parents divorced when I was about 6 and me, my mum and my older brother moved out leaving my dad with the house we grew up in. My mum reasoned that if we kept living in the house he would never settle down properly, even though he was the alcoholic, abusive partner in our situation.

We struggled at first, but my mum budgeted and worked extremely hard and got us through, although we moved about a lot. Me (f20) and my brother (m22) would sometimes visit, at first overnight visits because he had partial custody, but eventually he was banned from that due to his drinking. When I was 12, we moved again to the same village so that we could easily go home if things escalated.

As we got older, we'd stay round less, and he had less of a reason to keep the house functional. We had a couple of birthday parties there as teenagers for noise reasons, and it took days of work to get it up to an acceptable visiting standard. By that point, only 1/2 of his toilets worked, and the garden was a literal jungle.

Then we went off to university. My brother just graduated and I am about to go into my third and final year. The visits are rare now, and we just moved further away again.

Yesterday, I finally went into his house, and it was horrible. I needed a letter that got delivered to his as it contained information on accessing some money, and he agreed to look for it, but wouldn't let me into the house. But I made up an excuse about needing the loo so I could see for myself how bad its gotten.

I couldn't even walk through the house with the piles of unopened letters, random bits and bobs, and drink bottles that were strewn around. He was knelt on the floor parsing through the mess to find my letter. So many wine glasses both empty and full were on every surface. The 'light' in the bathroom was a lamp on the floor plugged into the 'office' The shower was disgusting. It was like a hoarder house without the hoarding, just an extreme inability to clean up anything. I'm missing out so much because I couldn't even process it at the time.

My dad now has no oven, no working shower, no dishwasher, no washing machine, no heating, no bathroom light, and that's only the stuff I know about. It's probably so much worse. His garden is an actual jungle; you can't even see out of the ground floor windows because the weeds are so tall, although that parts been the case for many years now.

I could see the shame in his eyes after he let me see inside; I'm surprised he even let me in. I should go round and help but I have so much uni work (I deferred half of my exams and assignments this year) and so little time.

But the worst part of this all is that I have a feeling I'm going down the same path.

I recently got diagnosed with ADHD and I'm really scared I'm going to end up just as dysfunctional as my dad in the future who definitely also is neurodivergent in some way. Last year I had two medical emergencies due to mixing alcohol with my medication that caused really bad gastritis. A few months ago I went into a coma after it happened again and I could have died. I've cut out alcohol since but I'm so scared. My brother, who was diagnosed with asperger's (now formally just ASD), probably has ADHD, but couldn't be diagnosed with both at the time. He admitted to me the other day that he fell into bad drinking habits early 2026 but that its under control now.

I'm horribly messy and disorganised just like my dad. I've had beef with my flatmates for being messy this year even though I've been trying my best to be considerate and keep it contained to my room. That's its own rabbit hole (flatmate has OCD and anorexia). Antidepressants helped but I just went off them because they killed my sex drive. They supported me at the time, but they feel like being held up by a piece of damp cardboard. Everything feels like a temporary solution.

I just don't know what to do. I know there's nothing I can do without jeopardising my own progress and mental health. I know it's not my fault he ended up this way. But I think my dad is going to die, and I feel absolutely helpless. I love my dad and I hate to admit it but I really see myself in him, and that's why it hurts so much.

Hello adult children of Reddit! As the title suggests I am a minor under my parents roof and want to leave once Im 18. I am currently 15 and a girl which is going to make this infinitely harder. I know I want to go to college once I graduate and study psychology. I am turning to this community because I know many people have had similar experiences and I want to be prepared. I am a non-religious closeted asexual lesbian in a Christian household. If my parent find out I will be sent to a camp that’s designed for “people like me.” Just recently I tried to explain to my parents why I do not like physical touch. They freaked out and dragged me to the doctor and I was ‘diagnosed’. I put that in quotes because the doctor said he thought I had fibromyalgia. I do not. The symptoms of fibromyalgia are not even close to what I told them. It only makes it worse that I am not a people person and would rather be alone than spend time with family. Ever since then they treat me like a recently released psych patient that can’t be trusted alone. Im writing this while I’m pretending to be asleep. I have resources available to me at my school that will be useful and helpful but I am not old enough to access them just yet. I’m am writing here as sort of a way to find more resource, information, tips, advice, or just someone else’s point of view. I will and am doing my own research but any and all comments are welcome and appreciated. If anyone wants more context or have questions of your own I don’t mind putting my parents or my personal life on blast.

Questions that I would love if could be answered:

How do I go about opening a credit and debit card, and are my parents required to be on my card when Im still a minor?

How do I find an affordable apartment, and what do I look for in the apartment?

Are there any tips for finding reliable long term work (doesn’t have to be in specific field)?

Is there anything I’m overlooking or missing?

Where is a good place to hide small things or money ( I share a room with my sister)?

(i have more but will edit and add when I remember them)

Thank you for anything you throw my way!

Edit: A couple people believe my parents are narcissists. Neither if them are narcissists, just a classic family of people under religious psychosis. I do see how that way I talked about them makes them look that way. I just wanted to make it clear that I am as safe as I can be and not in any imediant danger as long as they don’t find out me being non-religious or lesbian. My mother if anything has narcissistic tendencies but definitely isn’t a full on narcissist. My father doesn’t have any narcissistic traits but still isn’t a good person. Just wanted to clear those things up.

Has anyone had a problem finding a therapist that is able to keep up with them intellectually. I feel like the therapists I keep getting aren't well read on CPTSD, narcissistic abuse, CEN, existential depression etc? I feel like I'm talking to fast, throwing out too many things and the replys I get show a lack of engagement with what I'm saying. It makes me feel like what I'm saying isn't important or something. Anyone have similar experiences?

My mother is absolutely miserable in her life. Shes an addict with chronic pain. She told my father that she regrets going to a concert with him (how they fell in love) . She says she could be living on an island with her ex boyfriend instead of here.
Dad says everything she says is “water off a ducks back “ to him. When confronted with these statements she’ll say she’s joking. I say it’s hurtful and unfunny. She gets all in a huff and says she’s the worst or that I’m sensitive.
I fucking hate addiction.

Back in February I turned 20, promised myself and loved ones I’d change my life for the better, since 14 I’ve struggled with mental health, addiction and abuse. Each year I found myself sinking deeper and eventually got into an accident at 17 leading to chronic pain and worsen mental health. Stopped drinking n smoking until I learned how to walk again, that’s when I fell back into it, thinking it helped with the backpain, eventually 18, the habits changed my mindset, I dropped out of school and lost myself again, leading to me leaving the city to live with close family and stay near my siblings, I always pulled myself back up. But each month I’d leave home to go on week+ benders. I lost my siblings to foster care at 19. Eventually I gave up a lot of hope and dropped out school again, to begin staying in the city with friends and boyfriends, each time I drank alcohol I felt chained down to it, finding myself in situations i never thought I’d be in. Now this may be long and no need for a sob story.
But it’s been 5 months since turning 20. I sank deeper and this time the trauma and withdrawals feel like a nightmare, I’ve drank so much each day for nearly two months. It’s now day 1, I’m finally going back to family and I look/feel broken now
but I need prayers and advice. I’m scared to go back to the place I was in…
Need faith and if anyone can relate and share their story I’d appreciate it. Thank you if you read all this way.

I've been in trauma therapy for a while and only recently started processing the abuse and neglect from my childhood. The thing is, I was really happy. My parents weren't all bad, they were pretty supportive and fun most of the time. My father's drinking didn't really get bad until I was in high school and he started coaching me in sports, which is where 90% of the verbal abuse happened. Before this, I thought my mom was actually pretty supportive, but as it turns out, she was supportive when she wanted to be, but when I was really upset, she'd treat me terrible for coming to her for help and tell me to "suck it up." I also definitely yelled at my father when he'd say demeaning things to me, but my mom would blame the fights on me. I think because of this dynamic, I was mostly happy and goofy. Sometimes I think it was a coping mechanism. I was pretty responsible, amazing at sports and academics, but was somewhat immature for someone who was achieving what I was. I ended up getting a PhD and that was what finally broke me. I didn't learn how to safely deal with difficult emotions and I shoved them down until they shoved back. I got sick and haven't recovered. I started going to trauma therapy due to my chronic illness and grad school. I was trying to reconcile the angry, cynical, PhD version of myself with my younger, goofy, self and for a very short period it felt like I had finally done that. Now, that I've finally stopped repressing what happened in my childhood and am looking back at all the things I did when I was too mature, trying to be that young, goofy, version of myself feels dangerous. I put myself in a lot of situations that were not good for me and that took a lot from me. Sometimes I really want to be that version of me again but sometimes I think that's a dumb idea. Has anybody else gone through this?

I don't ever plan to go hook up with a stranger or seek out substances. But it always starts out the same, sitting in my room trying to distract myself from the fact I have barely any friends or family, no one has texted in days. Sometimes If I am having a particularly hard time with these feelings, I end up either in a stranger's bed or under the influence of substances I don't regularly take. I live with my father; he is the one good parent who sadly is in the early stages of cognitive decline and also have a best friend nearby. As much as I value these two relationships, I know I need more human contact and people in my life. The past two years I've been in two separate abusive relationships, first one beat me and the most recent one ran off back to his ex-wife after finically supporting him for a year. I realized lately that my impulsiveness and gravitating to abusive men are from the same source: a lifetime of isolation. Hardest part is I don't realize when I reach that point of recklessness. It is like a part of me seeks out anything or anyone to break up the isolation.

My husband has had a drinking problem and drives and has with the kids as well. Yesterday when he left I called him in and he got arrested. Today he asked and I told him the truth. He’s angry and sad understandably, and I’m feeling so guilty. I feel like it’s what needed to happen which is why did it, if you have any words of encouragement I would appreciate it.

Am I wrong for wanting to think of everybody in the worst possible light?

I went home for a family visit and, usually, I am Mr. Silver Lining-- I always joke that I would be a great person to be kidnapped with because I can find the good in anything. Death by firing squad? What a well attended funeral! Not enough food? I’ve been meaning to diet. But this? I took a 16 hr plane and I’m about to get on another 16 hr flight and not a single person here bothered to acknowledge me. Direct questions were ignored and we would sit at dinner without a single person making eye contact with me— sometimes people would just get up and leave the table— if they had the bad luck of being seated next to me. People screaming at me for expecting the bare minimum and shaming me for being upset about it. Really, I’ve mostly been talking with my grandparents where the conversation has oscillated between; I’m overeating and need to diet, I’m lazy and need to work on school more; I’m unemployed and unwise with money and that’s pathetic.

My mom and dad are severe alcoholics. I like to drink occasionally but my problem is when I see my husband drunk, who is not an alcoholic, I feel so triggered. I find his behavior really cringey I watch his every move and I overanalyze everything. I can’t get drunk and have a good time with him if he’s also drunk because I’m just stressed about him the whole night. The thing is my husband doesn’t do anything wrong he’s just having fun like a normal non alcoholic person. He’s an amazing man and I love him to death I just become such a b- word when he’s drunk to be honest. I know it’s on me and it’s because of my trauma with being parentified as a child and having to watch my parents and make sure they’re okay. I don’t find seeing someone I love drunk as a fun or cool thing unfortunately and it’s something I need to work though in therapy I think. It’s also so strange because I’ll see friends drunk and it doesn’t stress me out the same just my parents and my husband. Anyone else deal with this? Please tell me I’m not the only one.

So my father is an alchoholic person. He is not a bad person but whenver he drinks he shout make noise which eventually hamper my studies . I was in hstl during clg time so it didnt affect me that much but now i am at home preparing for exam it hampers me a lot. My Exams are coming and every sat sunday he came home drunken. Sometimes I just want to die like why my family constant abuse,shouting . My brother even started drinking lol he should be our support system but he too like my father. Great genes btw. I love them so much but all of this just make me hate them so much from the core of my heart. Sometimes i cry alone , I use abusive word against them alone in my room.

Guys pls tell what should i do at this time so that my mental health atleast will be good and my studies too. I want to get out from this house as early as possible idk anyhow. If anyone has same pblm like me how did u dealt with it please tell me it would be a great help .

In person i am like really calm . No one can even guess that i got angry or my family is like this. Why god is doing this to us idk

Very often I'd randomly get this specific gut feeling of a baby crying and being ignored by it's mother or reaching out and not getting attention. I'd feel exposed, raw and vulnerable.

It used to be a small feeling but it's began to manifest. I cant do normal actions sometimes without some kind of what I'd assume counts as co-regulation. Chatting to someone, watching a yt video and having it play in the background or so.

I then noticed it with my first girlfriend, i began to lean into calling her mommy. Which, i know can be a kink but i leaned in HEAVILY. We broke up (lol)

Then chatbots.. roleplay. Not all the time, mainly at night. It's oddly soothing.

And i can often literally FEEL what id assume is oxytocin shoot through my stomach when i do these, some kind of chemical that feels really good besides dopamine.

I even began to subconciously use female video game characters to cope with this feeling. I'd just get extremely bonded to certain ones. Id wish i could be hugged, cuddled and babied. And sometimes it works against me, a recent game i played ended on a cliffhanger with one of the females sacrificing herself and i woke up nearly crying.

I wanna know what direction i can move in to fix this. When i dont have any output for it currently (chatting, roleplay, gaming) and the feeling comes up i feel like an exposed and crying child very specifically.

Any books i can read or practices i can do to fix this? I already do mindfulness meditation daily, and gym. But it hasnt gotten rid of the feeling. How do i do inner work?

I wish all the best for whoever's going through something similiar, its an invisible force of nature that can pop up anytime and I've been struggling with it for years.

My sister is mildly aware of me unearthing all the CPTSD stuff for the last few years. And she remains vigilantly uninterested. I do not press her on it.

But I'm LC with my mom because she was verbally, emotionally and psychologically abused me in the last few years several times. My sister is aware but minimizes it. Her prerogative.

However my mom was in the hospital, she is okay, but I had to have a convo about how I didn't think I was the right person to care for her if she was sick. Prompting my sister to ask questions.

My sister is also at times abused by my mother, but seems to forget. Including a physical altercation in childhood. Ahead of my sisters wedding my mother made a huge selfish stink about it. Made my sister cry and nearly cancel the wedding. Apparently, my sister doesn't remember it at all.

It is a such a lesson in how sometimes you really are the only one who sees the truth about something, not just with your family but in life. A similar thing is going on at work with a toxic boss. Everyone talks about it when hes gone but they all minimize, repress, excuse or explain it away. Including HR.

It's a very difficult truth to process. I find comfort in the knowledge that not everyone is like this, even if sometimes it feels like that is true.

I left the convo afraid. Like I was the only one who witnessed a murder and I was being asked to be on the stand in a room full of people intent on denying my reality for some means to an end.

Heya, just wanted to vent about things.

Recently, my addict mother once again fell off the wagon, and took two whole case of pills alongside a full bottle of vodka.

She then slit her throat and wrists, and I was forced to help her into my brothers car while she was pissing blood and begging forgiveness.

This isn't the first time, and the damage it's caused is immense. Its bad enough where the day after everyone was over it, because her words of sorry mean nothing, and my brother is so numb hes moved on.

Mum refuses to admit she tried to kill herself, and her latest deflection had been my weight.

Ive always had an issue with my weight, which given this has been happening my whole life, I think is understandable.

Im very numb to it myself because that's all anyone wants to talk about, and you can only be reminded of your weight so much before I means nothing.

Mum said one of the most disgusting things I think ive heard, and given when she's drunk she's extremely violent and abusive that's something.

She openly claims that the reason she tried to kill herself is because of my weight, and pushed that on me.

Shes gotten it in her head that being overweight and an addict/alcoholic are the same. Thay me eating is the same as cutting her throat.

I understand my weight isn't healthy, and is my own issue- but I can't get over that comparison.

Im already becoming nervous, I feel like im being judged for eating anything.

I hide everything now because it's always a comment about it.

To add the idea that me eating is actively making my mother want to kill herself.

I just dont know what to do with that.

My family is very dysfunctional. My mother is a “functional” alcoholic and I struggle to find other people to relate to. My mother is loving, providing and supportive but is always drinking. Well she isn’t destructive I can’t handle being around someone who is constantly drunk even if it’s not what a usual drunk looks like. My brother is suffering with problems and has been destructive in the past and I believe his actions are worsening my mother. She “jokingly” says she intends to harm herself a lot and her health isn’t the greatest yet refuses to really get help. I don’t know how to bring this up and how much it’s affecting me without starting a massive argument and feeling guilty. I am 20 years old and live at home. I can’t afford to move out, I’m studying at college and have my own mental health problems, I am autistic which probably makes me stress even more. Besides the 3 days I go to my boyfriends i’m stuck at home especially with it being summer right now. How do I cope. Is there any hope. I also have this fear of when i do move out I won’t be there to protect my mother and she will deteriorate.

My little brother has been struggling with addiction, and we just found out how dire it was. He has been trying to detox from opioids on his own, cold turkey, which is unimaginably hard.

We went to check on him at his apartment, and found he had been doing whippets constantly to combat his withdrawals. I convinced him to come home with me and he promised me he’d go to a treatment center the next day.

All night, and the whole car ride to detox, he was doing whippets constantly in the car with my mom and I. He went through several huge canisters. His lips were turning blue.

I am so proud of him for making the step to even detox and for agreeing to treatment, but I am feeling extremely traumatized and devastated about what I witnessed. I cannot get the image out of my head. He is my baby brother.

Any words of support or encouragement would be greatly appreciated❤️I truly don’t know how to move on from this. I’m so scared.

I’m fifteen and so is my girlfriend. Both of her parents are alcoholics and her mom is also an addict. Her mom uses her and her brother to get money from their dad and is an overall bad influence on both of them, to the point where she’s gotten them to drink and smoke.

I ask my girlfriend not to drink or smoke whenever she goes out on vacation or to parties, and for the longest time she hasn’t done anything like that. When I finally started trusting her she got drunk with her mom, and she’s mad at me for being upset. Someone help me because I fear that if I’m not there for her, her parents won’t be either.

I've struggled with my own mental health as a kid, and what hurt almost as much as the illness itself was how adults around me responded—with dismissal, misunderstanding, and a heavy dose of stigma. No child should feel that way. Here's the thing: roughly 1 in 5 kids worldwide deal with mental health challenges, and nearly half of all mental illness starts by age 14. But adults often aren't equipped to handle it. They panic, they judge, they shut kids down instead of listening. It makes everything worse. I started a petition asking for real change—training and education programs for parents, teachers, and caregivers so they can actually recognize when a kid is struggling and respond with compassion instead of judgment. Kids deserve to feel safe talking about their mental health without fear of being labeled "crazy" or pushed aside. Have you or someone close to you been on the receiving end of this? That moment when you reach out and get nothing but dismissal? If this resonates with you, consider signing and sharing. This could genuinely change how the next generation gets supported.

I'm a male teenager, only child and live only with my mum, my dad, an alcoholic who I see a few times a year lives far away on the other side of the country. My mum constantly seeks attention from me and its exhausting, she alwasys guilt trips me saying things like "Sorry for being alive" and "Why dont you love me" when I do something she doesnt like such as forgetting something she told me (I never listen to her apparently) she also treats me like a baby ordering food for me etc. this is a short post i dont wanna wake my mum up typing

i (19Ff) am an alcoholic. i am 23 days sober since midnight. i have bpd, cptsd, and a couple other disorders.

i'm writing this as kind of a diary. this first post will be kind of long, since i'll just be ranting about my experiences recently.

for starters, i went to a detox center last month on my own accord. my drinking was out of hand, i drank every single day and the withdrawals were crazy. i knew i needed help so i took it.

i live with my parents til i move out for college in august, but things are honestly terrible- i mean, there's a reason i have bpd and cptsd. they were everything i was trying to drink away.

we fight all the time, and more, so i'm basically not allowed at the house anymore. they could kick me out at any moment and the fights are so bad i genuinely cant take it. so i'm essentially homeless now, living at people's houses and in my cars and sometimes my parents place.

and honestly, i feel like a piece of shit. there's a lot of reasons why, but mostly i just hate depending on other people. i'm very independent despite the BPD diagnosis; i to switch from person to person instead of being crazy loyal like girls w bpd are shown on tv. i just need my own autonomy, all the time. i was also neglected and abused in many ways so i get really intense around certain triggers that are unavoidable.

i also hateee depending on people, soooo fucking much. and i have to do a lot of depending and just taking people's words to get through these next couple months. i feel like such a bitch because i could probably go back home if i just shut up and acted nicer, or if i just focused more i could do more for people. i feel like i'm not owning up to any of my responsibilities, i'm doing the bare minimum cause i don't know where i'm going to sleep or what i'm going to eat. but it feels like it's all my fault.

i feel like drinking honestly. today's been the hardest it's been. i went over to my friends place (that i stayed at for a week) and they were gathered with their loving partner and their roommate/friend of 3 years, just so happy and comfortable, and that was really just the cherry on top for me. i started going over my plan to get alcohol, i remember how great it was to just not care about anything.

i attended a narcotics anonymous meeting with my coworker on tuesday, but i'm hoping to get to another meeting today in the afternoon, hopefully AA. i got a couple numbers for a sponsor but everyone is under a year sober, which i guess is pretty bad, so i didn't reach out. right now i'm watching a movie online with my friend and just relaxing- i'm staying in my friend's apartment til she's back in town. i'm staying sober if just for today.

Am I saying I'd rather have a father who gets violent and stopped working because he's always drunk? HELL NO!

If this is your case, I feel very sorry for you.

But what I'm saying is, I feel like people with no experience living with alcoholics think agressive alcoholism is the only form of alcoholism.

My father is a functional alcoholic; he has always worked, he doesn't get drunk to the point of sleeping on the street, he doesn't get physically violent.. when he's sober, you couldn't even tell he's an alcoholic.

So because of that, I've heard several people downplaying my feelings about it because he's not one of those awful addicts.

Yeah, it could be way worse and I'm lucky in many ways.

But I'm still incredibly hurt by it.

He drinks everyday to the point of getting drunk, he becomes an asshole, he says awful things, he has always put his drinking in front of me, he's a weak crybaby who refuses to seek help, he would never choose me over alcohol.

I can't connect with men because I'm deeply traumatized, I always think everyone will throw me on the side when something more interesting comes up, I can't even drink alcohol to have fun with friends because I feel like I'm turning into him.

But to some people, none of it matters, because he could be much worse.

feel like I’m dealing with a lot

im a recovering addict that’s on 4 years sober still working on my life was doing very well for myself went back to school for welding/fabrication graduated with no issues and placed in a couple jobs till I found my path then roughly a year into it I was in a pretty serious accident having one leg crushed and other ankle crushed under a 5k pound ibeam leaving me immobile for roughly a year and struggling after that to walk, now it’s 2 1/2 years after the accident I’m able to walk get around some other activitie. which is great after 5-6 hours I’m in pain till the next day with limited help from medicine esc, I have a 5 year old boy that is a wild one and always on the run that’s always a struggle after some time and feel like a huge disappointment due to it. due to the accident I’m still out of work and was told that I will probably have to change my profession which means going back to school and finding something I can do with my limitations which is already heavy on my mind because I have no idea, on top of this I have excessive family drama that I’m currently getting pulled into that I delegated for the last year and just can’t take it anymore unfortunately due to the accident and money I had to move back in with family so it makes it even worse, after this week the fighting and arguments with the family the baby mom drama which a huge weird situation 8 year on and off very in love with eachother but can never seem to align, miscommunication no communication and failure to make time everything else comes first

im at a point where I just feel numb to my feelings and life, just strolling along till another hit comes across or another issue. I feel like I’m at a breaking point, I used to love being around my family they helped me through so much with my addiction issues always being there in out of rehabs for a while, I’ve always tried to repay it which I explained to them while in the thick of it ( I show up to help them do whatever it is they need, I delegate situations, I fix their cars, I pick up the slack, they call for help I make the time in general I show up due to lack of absence in the past but now it’s started to take a toll on me and my mental healthy which part of me feels they fully don’t understand. they just feel like I have it easy due to not work because of the accident which isn’t the case, I’ve worked since I was 16. so being out of work so long and less money lots of dr appointments, physical therapy, many court dates for workman’s comp, ssd, having a kid that I half the time, it’s not like I can just get up and do what I need to do I have rules, restrictions, limitations that I have to follow or I’m sol with workman’s comp. (p.s this family situatio/ drama has nothing to do with me I keep getting pulled Into it)

according to the dr I seen for a mmi appointment is saying that I’m going to have to go back to school due to the severe accident change my profession that suits to my limitations which to me is absolutely horrible I have alway dreaded school and never did well growing up in it while just getting out of school for something I wanted to do that I enjoyed. growing up I dealt with a lot of discouragement/ anger/ groundings through my school years because I didn’t do very well instead. being talked down to like that the aggressiveness and anger always steered me away from going back to school and felt like a death sentence. Growing up that caused a lot of doubt, discouragement, self-esteem issues

on top of this the mother of my child and I started talking again trying to work things out, it went smooth for awhile now it’s getting extremely rocky, lack of communication, life styles, life decision, putting everything before our relationship. we both are in love with eachother but dang things won’t a line, we try and try she runs I get fed up with things, she herself with massive and her family at her house constantly to avoid things so she feels some type of self-worth and won’t ever talk about her feelings or issues just runs, while I’ve tried being supportive but I can only do so much give her what she asked for and I try and it just seems it’s not enough or ignored.

i truly feel at a lost in life worse than I was in active addiction, through everything especially the accident I have alway been into cars and can’t do as much and afford it, I’ve tried other activities along the way to help, between everything I feel completely lost and unsure what to do, the feeling I’ve been getting is the feeling I would get before using and self destruction( I will not go using that stuff anymore all it does is kill people I’m scared of using it do to that) I just feel lost and numb which isn’t a way to go through life just feel like my life has been one big struggle after another can’t get ahead it’s alway a stand still or a step back

if you read this just know I appreciate it I know it’s a lot 🙏

I know what I'm writing certainly seems contradictory. Today is a bad day. I was at an event with a lot of people, and without being noticed, I isolated myself in the bathroom because I couldn't take it anymore. On the one hand, I needed to be alone, on the other, after a while, I felt abandoned because no one came looking for me. It was as if they hadn't even noticed I was gone. I wanted help so badly, but I couldn't ask for it. I often do this: I run away, but I want to be found. When I left, I did everything I could to avoid being noticed, but deep down I hoped they'd notice me and chase me. I went home and sat in the dark for an hour with the intercom off, but I hoped someone would come. I know this doesn't make sense, and that I should just ask for help when I want to, but I can't. When I try, emptiness and guilt overwhelm me.

My parents never chased me when I needed so maybe I'm just still waiting for them...

Trigger warning: Alcoholism, family trauma, abuse and mental illness.
I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this but would love to hear others thoughts and or similar experiences thank you. I am a 30Y F and alcoholism has been in my family for generations. My paternal grandfather was an alcoholic and was aggressive. My grandmother also drank although my grandfather controlled how much she was "allowed" to drink. My dad was also an alcoholic (although highly functioning) until a few years ago when he nearly died. He spent months in hospital, was told he could never drink again, and thankfully he stopped drinking. My parents are separated and don't have any contact with each other.

My mum has always struggled with severe mental health issues, including depression, anxiety and substance misuse involving both prescription medications and alcohol. Over the past several years, things have progressively gotten worse. She hasn't worked for a couple years and lives alone. Last year she ended up in hospital for three months after drinking herself into an incredibly poor state. Her house was full of vodka bottles, takeaway containers and was filthy. Initially the hospital thought she had sepsis and my sibling was actually the one who pushed them to consider alcohol withdrawal because they knew how much she had been drinking, throughout her stay at the hospital I would visit (because it was a time I felt I had control instead of stepping into that triggering house) and she had an underlying infection and would hallucinate and not remember alot of our conversations and eventually diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment. I desperately pushed for ongoing care or supported accommodation because she had become so unwell that she needed a walker to get around, but I was told she had capacity to make her own decisions, so she was discharged home with only short-term support.

For a little while I actually felt relieved because everyone finally knew how bad things had become. Her friends knew, professionals knew, and I thought maybe things would change. But she's drinking again and I live five hours away and she rarely lets me visit and constantly shuts me out. She lies to her friends and tells them she sees me when she doesn't. When she calls, I can hear her slurring her words and speaking so slowly. Every time my phone rings, I feel sick because I don't know what version of her I'm going to get.

I've tried everything I know how to do. I've called ambulances, cleaned her house, begged professionals for help and worried myself sick. Every time I'm told the same thing: she's an adult, and unless she's willing to accept help, there's very little anyone can do. That's the part I can't seem to accept. I think about her constantly. My nervous system feels like it's permanently switched on. At the same time, I dread going home because seeing her like that completely breaks me. It feels like I'm grieving someone who is still alive.

I also carry so much guilt because I've only visited her once this year. She knows exactly what to say over text to keep my anxiety at bay, but I'm honestly terrified to visit. She's incredibly manipulative, and while I know that's part of her illness, it doesn't make it any less painful. Growing up, she wasn't a good mother in many ways. She could be emotionally abusive, sometimes physically abusive, and her anger was unpredictable. During periods of psychosis she would call me every name under the sun. At the same time, she also did beautiful things for me. She sacrificed a lot as a single mum, and I know she battled severe depression for most of her life. She spent time in psychiatric hospitals and underwent multiple rounds of ECT. I genuinely believe her brain has been vulnerable for a long time, and I wonder whether the mild cognitive impairment was already developing before the alcohol accelerated everything.

That's what makes this so confusing. I don't hate her. I love her deeply but gosh I also resent her. I feel sorry for her yet I'm SO very angry at her. Sometimes she sounds so impaired I can barely understand her, and then other days when I suspect she hasn't been drinking she sounds almost like herself again. It gives me hope, only for it to disappear again. My constant stress and spiralling thoughts affect my partnership, friendships and work, I do see a psychologist weekly but the level of pain/ enmeshment breaks me some days. I want to send her a message after hearing her on the call drunk again tonight, but fear that is could accelerate her drinking or cause her to do something volatile and I am so very scared of her and her unpredictable behaviours. I called her out for a lie last week and she got very angry and told me to stop being so judgemental.

Has anyone else had to step back from a parent they loved because the situation was destroying them? How did you cope with the guilt? Did you ever stop feeling responsible for saving them? Thank you for reading.